I’m always thinking and thinking and over thinking about everything I say and do because I’m trying to figure out why it’s so easy for people to leave me like I wasn’t worth anything in the first place even though I try so hard to be perfect but as usual I’m not good enough

11/2/2020

I’ve come to realize there is something deeply wrong with me and as much as I try not to be, I am a toxic person maybe not to others most likely just to myself but it’s probably the truth. I try my best to be a good person, a good friend but the feeling of being a outcast and the persistent thoughts that I’m not good enough and that I’m stupid control my mind. I hate the way I think, I hate that I don’t get it on the first go, I hate that I always feel like I’m the reason why everything comes apart. The feeling of consent numbness also makes not want to do anything but laying in bed.

After everyone leaves the saddest part is getting used to being all alone again