June 20th 2020

After one year of collage I’ve seen what most people are today. I truly know this world is not worth living in, for me. They have finally succeeded in making me so closed off and so numb to everything. I’ll still be a good person but I’ll never be the same.

So thank you, to all those people for making me another broken and numb person in this world.

The only difference is I will fix all those broken parts and make myself whole again unlike them.

How is everyone doing during this time? I for one I’m so stress and feeling very alone right now

I’ll never be loved

I’ll never be special

I’ll never be worth it

I’ll never be enough

I feel lonely all the time even when I’m around people. Honestly I don’t even feel like I’m physically there and it wouldn’t matter if I wasn’t

I’m always thinking and thinking and over thinking about everything I say and do because I’m trying to figure out why it’s so easy for people to leave me like I wasn’t worth anything in the first place even though I try so hard to be perfect but as usual I’m not good enough

To be honest, I just want to die.

Why can’t I just be happy?

I feel like every time I am close to happiness something, someone or even myself prevents it from happening. It’s like I’m not ment to be happy, I’m not ment to go a few days without my mind reminding me how much of a disappointment I am, without my grandmother telling me how imperfect I am. I can’t have a day where my own toughts telling me I would be better off lock away where no one will have to deal with me. I’m trying my very best every day to come off as this happy person but I can’t do it all the time

I’m all alone

After everyone leaves the saddest part is getting used to being all alone again

I cut people out of my life that drain my energy with their toxic nature.

I’m so numb inside I literally feel hollow, nothing makes me laugh anymore and my heart hurts all the time. I feel like I’m dying I feel like I’m not going to make it, I can’t live like this I want to die

thingxiwouldneversay:

Gonna take drugs until I’ll collapse.

I thought i was done finally getting better thinking that all those self harm jokes were me coping. I was really wrong 

the stares you get from people when they see your arms 

The stars are so nice.

The stars doesn’t call me an waste of existence.

Faded