#itsoktonotbeok
I’ll never be loved
I’ll never be special
I’ll never be worth it
I’ll never be enough
I feel lonely all the time even when I’m around people. Honestly I don’t even feel like I’m physically there and it wouldn’t matter if I wasn’t
I’m always thinking and thinking and over thinking about everything I say and do because I’m trying to figure out why it’s so easy for people to leave me like I wasn’t worth anything in the first place even though I try so hard to be perfect but as usual I’m not good enough
I’m too intense, too weird too this too that I’m so done with everything, so tired of this life and the people in it tried of being someone’s second choice, tired of if I make a mistake I can’t get a second chance tired of everything and everyone if I die it wouldn’t matter that much anyways
When you find out you will always be just a play toy to him, just confirms it’s better to be alone.
To be honest, I just want to die.
11/2/2020
I’ve come to realize there is something deeply wrong with me and as much as I try not to be, I am a toxic person maybe not to others most likely just to myself but it’s probably the truth. I try my best to be a good person, a good friend but the feeling of being a outcast and the persistent thoughts that I’m not good enough and that I’m stupid control my mind. I hate the way I think, I hate that I don’t get it on the first go, I hate that I always feel like I’m the reason why everything comes apart. The feeling of consent numbness also makes not want to do anything but laying in bed.
It’s the last week the semester and I feel like I’m at my breaking point. My laptop that I’ve been trying to work with ohad broken down and now is beyond repair. I feel so useless as the I spent all the money I had saved up on fixing it the 1st time. Even though exams are less than a week away my lectures are still giving assignments. I was struggling before and now i feel like there’s no hope. I’ve been asking and begging for help but no one seems to care or understand the depth of this situation. I really need help more than before. I have no idea how I’m to manage to finish the assignments and exams. I really need help and advice.
Why do I never feel like I belong
Everything hurts all the time
Why bother try, we all die anyways, might as well end it
Source:womenofillustration
Dany wants to know if you’re being kind to yourself today!! If you’re berating yourself or giving yourself love and comfort like you deserve!! And if it’s the former… well, she will come beat you up, so you better shape up!!
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Hi friends!! I’ve been having a really hard week! I had anxiety so intense for multiple days in a row that I was barely eating&my stomach felt like it was full of rocks. It has been a very long time since I’ve had an Anxiety Bender™️ this bad, and I had forgotten just how consuming it feels.
I am actually doing better today though, it started to alleviate yesterday, and I have been extra kind to myself, coaxing myself to eat, trying not to get frustrated when I can’t sleep, and doing things that relax me, like painting and playing chill games!!! My stomach still feels weird, but at this point I think it’s my body trying to recover from the hell it’s been through in the past week.
The point in all this oversharing is that it’s ok to not be ok!! Sometimes you get sick, whether it’s a physical cold or a mental illness flare up. You are not at fault, you are not lesser than, you are not weak!! And if anybody else has been feeling this way, you are absolutely not alone.
Also, Dany is my ESA and has been doing an amazing job. I think she knew what was going on before I did, because somehow I couldn’t identify my anxiety until it knocked me on my ass, but she’d been trying really hard to comfort me before that. I just thought she was being needy, turns out she was just trying to do her job ❤️
Anyway. I love y'all. Be safe, be kind to yourself, and go eat something yummy, even (or especially) if eating is hard right now. Hang in there, friends.
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#mentalhealth #itsoktonotbeok #bpd #anxiety #cat #blackcat #cute #greeneyes #lgbtqia (at Riverside, California)
https://www.instagram.com/p/CKe58AlsXxL/?igshid=1mgatardo7i3i
Post link
An apology to my lovely followers.
I have been very unwell recently, and the doctors have ordered me to rest up. A side effect of this is that my libido is at rock-bottom and therefore I have not been inclined to post on here, or even check it frequently.
Please accept this snap of my yummy tummy as an apology gift.
I do not know when I will be back, but I hope it will be soon. Thank you all for understanding, and please, check up on your friends. They may not be as OK as they seem on the outside ❤️
