Alright hoes i went on a two day binge but im back on my bullshit 

I miss the empty stomach feeling so tomorrow im doing a water fast.

June 20th 2020

After one year of collage I’ve seen what most people are today. I truly know this world is not worth living in, for me. They have finally succeeded in making me so closed off and so numb to everything. I’ll still be a good person but I’ll never be the same.

So thank you, to all those people for making me another broken and numb person in this world.

The only difference is I will fix all those broken parts and make myself whole again unlike them.

I’m always thinking and thinking and over thinking about everything I say and do because I’m trying to figure out why it’s so easy for people to leave me like I wasn’t worth anything in the first place even though I try so hard to be perfect but as usual I’m not good enough

To be honest, I just want to die.

11/2/2020

I’ve come to realize there is something deeply wrong with me and as much as I try not to be, I am a toxic person maybe not to others most likely just to myself but it’s probably the truth. I try my best to be a good person, a good friend but the feeling of being a outcast and the persistent thoughts that I’m not good enough and that I’m stupid control my mind. I hate the way I think, I hate that I don’t get it on the first go, I hate that I always feel like I’m the reason why everything comes apart. The feeling of consent numbness also makes not want to do anything but laying in bed.

Why can’t I just be happy?

I feel like every time I am close to happiness something, someone or even myself prevents it from happening. It’s like I’m not ment to be happy, I’m not ment to go a few days without my mind reminding me how much of a disappointment I am, without my grandmother telling me how imperfect I am. I can’t have a day where my own toughts telling me I would be better off lock away where no one will have to deal with me. I’m trying my very best every day to come off as this happy person but I can’t do it all the time

Not feeling great again not feeling anything at all just feeling numb, numb to the whole world I can’t even cry about my pain and problems like I used to all my smiles just feel so fake but no one really realizes. I have no motivation to do anything at all and my body just feel tried, I feel so done with everything I don’t know what to do or say anymore. If I say what I want to say it comes out wrong and I hurt the people I care for. I want my space but I feel so lonely when I have it my body and mind just feels like it’s shutting down and it’s getting harder and harder to wake up if I’m lucky to get any sleep at all i truly don’t want to go on I’ve been told so many times in my life that I’m going to be alone for the rest of my life and I can’t help but believe it no one wants to be around me because I’m too weird or I’m too crazy or better yet I’m too hard to deal with cause I’m not happy all the time. I don’t want to be alone forever I’ve tried everything to change myself, to be better so everyone can like me but eventually everyone leaves. I don’t want to be alive.

I’m all alone

Just another day of me regretting being born

Haha a teacher just saw me scrolling on ed tumblr ahaha

Fuck

Hey yall give about 1 more week and then I’ll post my cw… I’m just to scared to do it now since iv been off track for a while

When you disappear for a while and stop giving a fuck and now your to scared to step on the scale

So Iv been wanting to get a tattoo to cover my self harm scars but I kinda want it to be ed related so can yall give me some ideas?

Tumblr just hits different on a computer

Tip~

Go get this little coraline soup cup from hot topic!! Its small and so is the spoon so you will get less but feel full faster! And it’s cute~

Thank god for those diet pills man. I barely ate anything during Thanksgiving!! All I had was like to small pieces of ham and a couple spoonfulls of cream corn then I went to work and probably burned most if now all the cals!!

I’m also starting adhd meds that r suppose to make me lose helllllla weight so ya cant wait for that~

500 followers?!?!? Oh god ok here we go…

I am not pro shit!

I am surprised by how many people are following me and I just hope everyone here sees me as relatable and just trying to cope. To all of my followers I’m so sorry for the shit we gotta go through but I WILL ALWAYS BE THERE FOR YALL! If yall wanna dm and rant about binging hella ya I’ll rant with you! If u wanna tell me your thinking/going through recovery TELL ME!! I’ll hype you the fuck up!! I am not here to promote ed shit but I am here to make sure no one goes through it alone.

Thinspiration

Day 1:

Cw: 78kg

I can notice that my pants sit a little loose now… and fuck it’s addictive