I’m a Seventh Day Adventist, meaning I go to church on Saturday/make Saturday a special day. I grew up with things that we should/shouldn’t do on Sabbath, e.g. homework, reading secular books/watching secular movies, shopping etc. I’ve had conversations with people about this, and I think the general perception of this is wrong. The thing about doing or not doing on sabbath ((or sunday, for non-SDA’s) isn’t about the rules or what’s allowed, it’s about keeping sabbath special and separate. If you do nothing different, sabbath won’t feel different. So while there’s nothing morally wrong with reading Harry Potter on sabbath, it just means that the rest of the week seeps into it, making it less special.
they say “it was worth the wait”and I mean, yes, absolutely, it is 100% worth the wait, but the fact is, the wait is HARD, and when you’re waiting, you’re not only waiting, you’re worrying hoping that the wait isn’t in vain, and that’s the hard part. its not the time thats hard. its the worry and fear that you’re waiting for something that’ll never happen. if you told someone that 100% they’d find their person by 25, it would be a lot easier. its not the wait thats hard, its the uncertainty, the worry that you’re not good enough, and if you’re not worried about that you’re worried that the kind of person you’re looking for doesn’t exist. that’s what’s hard, and being told, “yeah i waited a long time but it was worth it” doesn’t take away the fear and uncertainty. “well I waited a long time, you’re only…[insert age]” doesn’t help. if it was assured, the wait would be easy. you’d simply fill your life with other stuff and stop worrying about it, always knowing that it’ll be okay. and that’s the best advice i can give to someone who is waiting: live your life as if you’re promised it’ll happen. its better than worrying, and it means you’ll enjoy your singleness, and you’ll be a more interesting person for it. also, a friend told me: the person you marry has such a big impact on the rest of your life, its too big a thing for God not to be involved. so He will be. you don’t have to be afraid that he won’t be, or that he won’t hear you. and never settle! thats another thing that people say a lot, and let me tell you, it’s true. however: its also overused and cliche and hard to listen to or take seriously. so heres some explanation:
if you settle, you’ll always have the nagging feeling of, “what if i’d waited just that little bit longer…"
this is literally gluing your life to another person for the rest of your life. you want to be 100% sure. this is the person you’re going to spend the rest of your life with. you GET to be picky
dating sucks if it’s the wrong person. you’re constantly worried, disappointed, anxious.
the person has to feel right, otherwise you’ll always be dissatisfied and be questioning
things can go badly badly wrong if you settle for someone who you deep down know you shouldn’t.
“everyone deserves a ‘I didn’t know it could be this good’ kind of love”. settling is NOT that. if you know what you want, then wait for it, otherwise you’ll never be satisfied (especially if you’ve seen it or experienced it before).
1. Don’t overload your first semester. Starting college is a huge transition and you will likely be more tired than you would be otherwise because you are trying to adjust. Also, college classes go at a different pace than high school, so while taking 4 classes may not sound like much, it has the potential to kill you if you’re not careful
2. Don’t worry if you feel overwhelmed and lonely. First semester sucks for pretty much everyone. It takes a while to find the type of people you can connect with.
3. Start or join a small group. I’m speaking from my experience as a Christian, but this applies to other religions/groups as well. Second semester I started a Bible study for girls with an acquaintance, not only did it provide a weekly spiritual re-centering, the intimate atmosphere of praying, talking and studying the Bible together led to some of the closest friendship I had.
4. Even if you feel insecure, reach out to people. Likely, they’re wishing someone would reach out to them as much as you. Most of the time, people will not find you annoying for initiating conversations or suggesting hang outs. Get to know people in your classes. Even if it’s just the person sitting next to you. Even if they don’t end up being a close friend, it’s really nice to have at least one familiar person with you.Go to events. It will be scary. You will not know people. You may be miserable. You may come away having met or made friends with no one. But eventually, you will start to recognize people. And even that is valuable when you don’t know anyone. It helps you feel a lot less lost.
5. Stay out of relationships until you have a solid girlfriend base. Let’s be real, relationships don’t always succeed, and not having a good support group can make a break up a hundred times worth.Don’t be afraid to drift from your high school friends, but also don’t cut them off. It’s good to explore new friendships, but high school friends can be dependable, long term friends that can be there for you in the absence of new friendships.
6. Confidence and kindness go a long way in making friends. If you are confident and kind, it is safe to assume assume that people like you.
7. Don’t neglect your spiritual life. It’s so easy to do when you’re so busy, but finding a church community can be a great source of community. Connecting with God can help a lot with loneliness and fear.
8. Don’t stay up too late even tho you have the freedom to do so. IT’S NOT WORTH IT! Getting enough sleep will help with avoiding the freshman 15, help you do better in classes and overall make you feel better.
9. If you hate your major, give it at least a semester, but after that don’t be afraid to change it. Everyone has moments of doubt about their major, but make sure you aren’t confusing overwhelmed-ness for dislike of your major. Also, first semester you’re often taking pre-reqs so five yourself time to actually see what real classes in the major are like
I don’t like the phrase “God is in control” or “God has a plan”. It makes it seem like every bad thing that happens is from God, is part of “His plan” or whatever, which ultimately makes God seem like a pretty horrible being. Recently, though, I found myself thinking about the phrase “God will know what to do”, and I realised, that’s it. That’s how the disparity between God caring about our lives and bad things happening gets mended. Bad things happen in the world. As Jesus says, “in this world, you will have trouble…” . Bad things happening were always hard for me to accept because why does God let some things happen but stops others? How can God be good if he stops some bad things but lets some through his filter?
But when a bad thing happens, God has a solution. You get cancer? He helps you get through chemo. He puts people in your life who can help you through it. He turns it into a way for you to grow and learn. He knows what to do. You lose your job? He’ll help you figure out your next step and bring good out of it (He’s great at doing that). He will know what to do. You get your heart broken? He helps you realise things about yourself and learn important lessons from it. For every bad thing in this world, He has a solution, even if it’s not immediate. Covid-19 happens? He equips scientists to find a vaccine and governments to make decisions to protect us in the mean time. Yes, people die, but even death, the ultimate evil of this world, He has an ultimate fix for in eternal life later on. I don’t know why God stops some things but not others, but I do know that he cares about us, and that He doesn’t send bad things to us. Yes he lets trouble happen in this world, but He has a solution to that trouble. There’s a second part to the verse: “But take heart! I have overcome the world.” (John 16:33)
I’m a Christian, and partially because of that, my boyfriend and I have decided to wait until marriage until having sex. this is an idea I grew up with, and committed to at an early age, but no one told me HOW HARD it would be. we all know guys have high sex drives. no one told me girls did too. anyway, for those of you who find yourselves in the same or a similar predicament, here’s some things that have worked for me:
1. There are three paths. One leads to holding hands (e.g. bumping elbows, brushing fingers), the second leads to kissing (touching faces together), and the third leads beyond that. Know which path you’re going to choose ahead of time, and don’t start down the path that you don’t want to go along. It’s a lot easier to stay outside the gate than it is to go back once you’ve started down the path.
2. Keep yourself accountable to either a person or your journal. That will help you gauge right/wrong (i.e. if something isn’t right you’ll likely be hesitant to write down or tell someone that you’re doing it, especially if you wrote/told them ahead of time you wouldn’t do it).
3. Going backwards ISN’T THAT HARD. I was always told that once you’ve done something, you can’t stop. that’s not true at all. it’s actually easier than holding back on something to begin with because having done it removes that “forbidden fruit” effect, and you realize, oh, not doing it actually isn’t that hard. (this may not go for some of the more emotionally intimate stuff). all this to say, if you’re doing something that you want to stop but feel like it’s too late because “you can’t go backwards”, it isn’t too late.
4. Don’t keep bringing up the thing you’re trying not to do with each other. make a plan then DON’T talk about how hard it is to stay at – you’ll likely convince each other of a LOT like that.
5. Find the sweet spot, where staying back is easier than going forward. There comes a point where the self control of staying a bit back is less effort than the self control required to ‘safely’ go forward – like staying closer to the edge of a river and fighting the urge to go out further is easier than fighting the current while you’re in it.
6. NEVER do something just because other person wants to. Your dis-want is more important than their want. Similarly, you must be willing to not do something that the other doesn’t want. Don’t use the fact that the other person wants to do something as an excuse to do something you really aren’t sure you’re comfortable with
7. Avoid media that gets thoughts going. Half the battle is in your thoughts. Don’t make it harder for yourself than it needs to be.
8. Accept that you won’t get it perfect and you’ll make mistakes. It’s a learning curve, and you’ll have to make course corrections. Mistakes aren’t un-fixable. The important thing is that you learn from them and don’t let them happen again.
9. If you’re a Christian, remember that God forgives. In the words of Jesus, go, and sin no more. If you’ve messed up, ask God for forgiveness and strength, then pick yourself back up and do better.
