Could someone please explain the difference between bisexual, omnisexual, polysexual, and pansexual. I’m not trying to be rude just trying to figure things out.
i’ve been dating my boyfriend for 8 years (since we were 15) and just about 3 years ago i began to question my sexuality. i was raised in a religious household and because of this the idea of being queer legit never crossed my mind until i moved away for university. just about 4 months ago my boyfriend and i opened our relationship up so that we could explore different things that we have always wanted to. unfortunately, the open relationship has been working for me but not really for him and everytime i come back from a date our conversations usually end with him in tears and me feeling guilty and sad about everything. after sleeping with some women i now know for sure that i am bisexual and that i really enjoy being with women but i am feeling so torn about my relationship and what all this means. also, i have been way more sexually attracted to women than i am to men and i just haven’t been feeling it with my boyfriend but i also am dealing with a lot right now so it kind of makes sense i guess?? i just don’t know if we are meant to be or if i am hurting both of us by trying to make it all work. i have no one in my life who understands or can relate to this so any advice would be so helpful!!! thanks so much
also , my inbox is dry ! send in requests if u have them ! :)
y’all will probably attempt to save up money to head to a concert together . they promise you that if they choose the band / artist , you choose next time ! though if you like rock music , you shouldn’t have too much to worry about . they’ll choose either van halen , ac/dc , or some other great rock group !
but since all of you are broke teens , going to places like 7/11 and circle k are the most common . you guys often buy slushees and junk food before sitting on the curb and bonding over stupid stuff .
“do you ever think about if the time traveling stuff was a dream?”
“woah, dude, you could be onto something…”
“guys, how did we have the same dream?”
when either ted’s or bill’s parents’ are gone , you guys have a sleepover ! which of course consists of listening to rock music , watching horror movies that they rented , and them trying to show off their guitar playing skills .
all three of you guys have tried to dye each other’s hair with kool-aid at either one of their houses at some point . ted needed to buy some bleach for his hair since surprise surprise , he’s a brunet . the kool-aid idea backfired and you cackled when some of bill’s curls became multi colored . i’m talking red , blue , and a weird brown color on every curl . thank god it was washed out .
after that , he pouted and sulked for a solid three days before he managed to get most of the dye out .
you all tried baking a cake as a date idea one evening after school . your boyfriends ended up accidentally getting a bunch of flour on your hair and clothes ( courtesy of ted , who claims that the flour dumping was for bill ) . though they helped you do almost every step , minus the ones with flour .
board games ! they both team up to beat you at monopoly , though you excel at battleship . during twister , they were kind of pervy but you beat them anyways with your ✨beautiful s/o charm✨
they try to teach you how to skateboard at some point , which causes you to fall many times or you get right away , depending on how himbo you actually are .
they have watched drama movies with you at the local theater . the three of you went to watch ‘steel magnolias’ and they refuse to admit they cried . you could hear sniffling noises and tiny sobs , which broke your heart and amused you at the same time . after the movie , you bought them snacks to try and cheer them up ( which didn’t really work but they appreciated it anyways )
“thanks babe, but this doesn’t change the fact that *sob* that movie was most non triumphant…”
expect cute little picnics at the park ! they tried to make food , but they ended up buying fast food and just made it seem like they cooked it—
honestly , no matter what you guys do for dates , these himbos always make it fun .
If you’re multi-attracted (particularly a minority m-spec identity such as pan, ply, or omni) and spend enough time on Tumblr, you’ve probably seen this meme:
Though this image is often posted on m-spec solidarity posts as a show of support, it is not without its detractors. The most common criticism I’ve seen of it (besides the usual exclusionist rhetoric, of course) is that while it is a nice sentiment, it doesn’t do anything to actually explain what the differences between these identities ARE.
I’m not here to talk about that particular criticism today, though I do think it has some merit. I’m here to talk about an issue I feel this criticism is a microcosm of: the obsession with defining m-spec identities in opposition to each other.
Let me explain what I mean. A common theme among wrong (or at least highly controversial) definitions of pansexuality, is the idea that pansexuality must be fundamentally distinct from bisexuality in some way for it to be a valid orientation. “It’s like bisexuality, BUT I’m attracted to enbies”; “It’s like bisexuality, BUT I don’t have a preference”. These definitions not only grossly misrepresent bisexuality, they also can be exclusionary to people in our community. A similar impulse occurs within the omnisexual community; the most common definition of omnisexuality is “like pansexual, BUT you can have a preference”. (As I’ve covered in another editorial, this is a misrepresentation of pansexuality; pansexual people can and do have preferences).
I understand where this impulse comes from. We have been told time and time again that labels are “redundant” or “unnecessary” if their description is too similar to another established label. However, this is simply not true. Labels are a form of self expression, not discrete boxes that we must sort people into. Many people choose to identify as more than one label, and that is perfectly okay. By insisting that each label must have no overlap with any other or it is unnecessary, we are depriving people of the ability to pick which labels they feel best describe them, and the ability to feel their identity represents the individual way they experience sexuality. It’s important that we leave people the freedom to interpret each label in their own way, and decide which one, or ones, best represents them.
Recently, my family completed the show Schitt’s Creek. I had not known much about it prior, only hearing that it was good and contained some LGBT+ characters. However, when I actually sat down to watch it, I was shocked. Schitt’s Creek does something I have never seen before in a mainstream piece of media - they explicitly confirmed, with no room for ambiguity, that David Rose is pansexual.
As someone used to representation being confirmed after the fact in interviews with actors or writers (see: Deadpool, Klaus Hargreeves, and Lando Calrissian), the explicit confirmation in text that David is pan was a welcome surprise. This isn’t just representation made for pan people; it’s also an attempt to educate the general public about what pansexuality means, and legitimizes it as a real orientation that is not only present in online communities. But for many people, there was a problem. The way pansexuality is explained.
While explaining to another character his son’s sexual orientation, David’s father states that David is pansexual because he is attracted to “men, women, men who used to be women…”. This separation of trans men and women from “real” (cis) men and women is a common misstep when non-pan people try to understand pansexuality. It should be noted that the writers of Schitt’s Creek are not pan, so this definition is being peddled by people outside our community. However, some pan people, particularly those who have just discovered they are pan, use it as well. On the pansexual subreddit, I have seen multiple people asking if they are pan because they are attracted to transgender people. This can lead to misconceptions regarding the inclusion of trans people in other sexualities. Anyone who is attracted to binary genders can be attracted to a trans person who identifies as a binary gender, because they ARE that gender. Lesbians can (or at least should) be attracted to trans women. Bi people should be attracted to trans men and women.
However, I am going to do something controversial. I am going to defend the explicit inclusion of trans people in explanations of pansexuality.
It’s no secret that transphobia is present in LGB communities. Lesbian TERFs angrily state they would never date a trans woman, and reduce trans women to their genitals when explaining why. This occurs in gay and even bi communities as well. It’s important that trans and genderqueer people feel safe and accepted by this side of the queer community, and yet they often aren’t. This is why I think it’s important that we make it explicitly clear that we will not tolerate this kind of transphobia in our community. When we explain who we are to people, it is important that we eliminate any possibility of transphobia in our explanations, because that is not and never should be acceptable.
I think the problem with explanations explicitly including trans people in our orientation isn’t the sentiment being expressed, but the way they are worded and structured. A typical explanation goes something like this:
“I am pansexual. That means I’m attracted to everyone. Men, women, enbies, trans people…”
I’m sure you see the problem here. Trans men and women are presented on a list of genders, as though they are another gender separate from cis men and women. I would like to propose a simple solution to this. When explaining who you are attracted to, perhaps word it like this instead:
“I am pansexual. That means I’m attracted to everyone. Men and women, whether cis or trans, enbies…”
You see the difference there? Instead of separating trans men and women from cis men and women, we are including them as one item on the list before specifying we mean ALL men and women, not just cis ones. I think this type of explanation is actually useful for combating transphobia in pan spaces, not harmful. We simply need to be careful HOW we educate people, to ensure our words are not misunderstood.
~Editor Luxe
Note: I am not trans. If you are trans and feel that my proposal is transphobic for a reason I have not thought of, please let me know in the notes or send me an ask and I will post a follow-up.
The pluralian flag is a beautiful symbol. Based on sapphic, achillean, and similar flags, it represents anyone who loves more than one gender. It applies to multisexual people everywhere. It is a uniting symbol that can be used by all of us, and it is something pan, bi, omni, and ply people often claim as a symbol of their connection and common struggles. It is a way for us to express that, while we are unique, we all share one thing in common: the plurality of our attraction.
However, you might notice something unusual about this flag: the flower in the middle. Most pride flags do not include images and symbols, instead being simply stripes. However, these flags contain flowers, usually symbolic ones. It is the mark of an umbrella flag (a flag designed to encompass all people who experience a specific type of attraction, for example, women who love women). The sapphic flag contains a violet. The achillean flag contains a carnation. Both of these are historic symbols used to identify wlw and mlm.
But the pluralian’s symbol, a lily is special. Unlike most other symbols, which were simply representations of a community, lilies ARE pluralian. They are a part of our community.
All lilies contain the reproductive organs to reproduce with any other lily. Lilies are not restricted by the confines of sex or gender. They love freely.
I think the potential of the lily as an enduring pluralian symbol cannot be understated. These plants are beautiful representations of the pluralian goal: to be able to love anyone freely, without stigma. To be able to see a human we love, and not have to worry about what their gender might be. To have the potential for attraction to anyone.
I am moving soon, and I think I will get a potted lily for my room. They are my kin.
Alright, so uh. Something crazy happened yesterday. For the people tuning in from my cookie fostering acc, this is why I wasn’t able to post yesterday.
Basically, I discovered I was polyam, got a second partner, and found out my first partner was also polyam and had another partner they were nervous to tell me about.
I’ll start from the beginning here:
I was talking to one of my close friends on Discord last night…well, not really “talking,” more like exchanging memes with each other. For their privacy, I’ll call them Walker. Most of the memes we sent were just memes from the fandoms we were in (and most of that was Alan Walker stuff), but we sprinkled in some wholesome memes every now and then.
Then, out of nowhere, they sent a wholesome meme that went something along the lines of “the person who sent you this has feelings for you!!!”
I was pretty shocked at first, but I took it as a welcome one. I discovered some held back feelings I had for Walker, but at the same time, there was a problem. As I told you earlier, I had a partner before their confession, who I’ll call Bee for their privacy. Now, if I had known I was polyam earlier, this wouldn’t be a problem, BUUUUUT lookie here!
I sent a simple “:O!!!” as a response, which I thought would be better than saying nothing at the time. Then, I whipped out my phone and started texting Bee about it:
I told Bee nearly everything that happened, leaving out the undiscovered feelings and discovering I was polyam. I asked for advice on how to tell Walker I couldn’t be their partner without hurting their feelings, at least not by much. After they gave me advice, I had to wait until I could access messages with Walker again, since my time visiting my mom for the weekend was up and I had to go back to my internet-hating grandparents.
About 5 mins or so later, Bee tells me that they had to tell me something.
Then, lo and behold, they said they are polyam!!!
I was sort or surprised since holy shit what a coincidence, but at the same time, I wasn’t sure if then was the appropriate time to tell the whole truth. All I said was that I was completely ok with it and I wouldn’t mind if they got another partner.
Then, lo and behold, THEY HAD ANOTHER PARTNER!
They told me all about them, and I thought they sounded like a chill person. Then, Bee told me that they wouldn’t mind if I got another partner, either. At that point, I decided to tell them the entire truth about how Walker confessed to me, and, like Bee said, they were totally chill with it.
I shot a message up to Walker on another platform they use telling them that I did indeed love them back and there was something else I have to tell them, but I have yet to recieve a message back. Hoping for the best rn, will update y'all when I get a message back :]
Friendly reminder to all wlw: u don’t have to be butch OR femme. You can be both, neither, 55% butch and 45%, whatever, but you don’t have to be one or the other if you don’t want to. Those aren’t the only options of expression for wlw
The mspec is the spectrum of people who are attracted to 2 or more genders. This includes bisexual, pansexual, omnisexual, and polysexual.
All of these are available in my shop! We also have acrylic pins of the bisexual cosmog and pansexual skitty, but I forgot to include those in the picture
[Image description: a photo of three stickers, four bottle charms, and 6 needle felted wool hearts. The stickers from left to right are drawings of the pokemon skitty, cosmog, and poipole with the pansexual, bisexual, and omnisexual flag behind them respectively. The bottle charms are in a circle. Starting from the top and going clockwise, there is bisexual, pansexual, polysexual, and omnisexual. There are two bright blue hearts, one dark blue heart, one purple heart, one yellow heart, and one pink heart.]
All of you anti-pan bi’s and anti-bi pan’s are literally so infuriating. Stop with the revisionist bullshit. Literally just think critically for ONCE people.
Stop using the bisexual manifesto agaisnt non bi mspecs. Stop saying bisexuality is transphobic or pansexuality is transphobic. Stop saying pansexuality doesn’t exist and is just bisexuality. And for fuck’s sake recognize polysexual people?
Neither bisexuality or pansexuality are transphobic or problematic. Some of the people who use the terms may be, but the terms themselves are NEUTRAL.
There is nothing wrong with coining a more specific term to describe being attracted to all genders. Would you tell lesbians to not call themselves lesbians and that they’re just gay/homosexual? No! You wouldn’t. Just like lesbian, pansexual is a term to simply specify attraction further. So is polysexual.
Bisexuality includes trans people always has. Bisexuality isnt just about being attracted to men and women and includes nonbinary people.
Pansexual and polysexual may be used by some transphobes to describe being attracted to trans people but that is an issue with transphobes not pansexuality or polysexuality.
Bisexual is functionally an umbrella term but that doesn’t mean you can shove individual people who specifically do not identify as bisexual under it and call them bisexual.
Literally. I promise you this shit about bi pan hostility is so FAKE stop buying into it. PLEASE.
I am BEGGING you, as someone who has been involved in the lgbtq+ community for nearly half their life, STOP IT.
Since pride month is literally right around the corner, DO NOT be fooled by companies that change their logos to rainbow when their money speaks for themselves. Image ID below “keep reading” line. Source of said financial information is “florida campaign finance”
Image ID:
An infographic poster with the words “Major corporations contributors to Florida’s “don’t say gay” bill, all of said companies listed have their rainbow variation of their logo for LGBTQ/PRIDE month, as followed:
Incusexual - a type of multisexuality where a person engages in sexual relationships with others with the idea of feeding off sexual energies when one engages in sexual activities with someone.
There’s many spiritual and religious beliefs that beyond a soul, there are other energies around us. Sensual and sexual energies are often believed to be some of the strongest (look at Hellenism and Hinduism just for examples off of the top of my head). In some circles, the idea of “Eros Vampires” are vampires who feed off of the sexual energy of their partner (consensually).
Flag is based off of the “Incubian” flag (changed the bottom stripe to black, partially because it’s easier on most resolutions and eyes than the other flag it had).
The name “Incusexual” was chosen BECAUSE “Incubus” just means “to lie on top” (simplified: a “top” in the bedroom). There’s actual no inherent “incubus means boy, succubus means girl”, there’s are social constructs attached to word, likely from the overall patriarchal society we live in that pushes the narrative “BOYS MUST BE DOMINANT, GIRLS MUST BE SUBMISSIVE”.
Someone who chooses the term “Incusexual” for themselves might strongly attach themselves to pansexuality (or other type of multisexual identity such as polysexual or bisexual) since sex acts themselves, they care not for the sex or gender of said person while in the act with them.
ALT
