I don’t like the phrase “God is in control” or “God has a plan”. It makes it seem like every bad thing that happens is from God, is part of “His plan” or whatever, which ultimately makes God seem like a pretty horrible being. Recently, though, I found myself thinking about the phrase “God will know what to do”, and I realised, that’s it. That’s how the disparity between God caring about our lives and bad things happening gets mended. Bad things happen in the world. As Jesus says, “in this world, you will have trouble…” . Bad things happening were always hard for me to accept because why does God let some things happen but stops others? How can God be good if he stops some bad things but lets some through his filter?   

But when a bad thing happens, God has a solution. You get cancer? He helps you get through chemo. He puts people in your life who can help you through it. He turns it into a way for you to grow and learn. He knows what to do. You lose your job? He’ll help you figure out your next step and bring good out of it (He’s great at doing that). He will know what to do. You get your heart broken? He helps you realise things about yourself and learn important lessons from it. For every bad thing in this world, He has a solution, even if it’s not immediate. Covid-19 happens? He equips scientists to find a vaccine and governments to make decisions to protect us in the mean time. Yes, people die, but even death, the ultimate evil of this world, He has an ultimate fix for in eternal life later on. I don’t know why God stops some things but not others, but I do know that he cares about us, and that He doesn’t send bad things to us. Yes he lets trouble happen in this world, but He has a solution to that trouble. There’s a second part to the verse: “But take heart! I have overcome the world.” (John 16:33)

I’m sharing this as an addition to my lastest post. Sorry if it’s depressing, I just figured it would be a way of showing you guys I’ve not stopped writing at all.

“Unintentional poem to a hoarder (me)

And just when she thought she was safe,

Just when she thought she was over it,

The thing came back.

I came back as a slight tremor,

It came back as a tickle on the back of her hand

It came back as anxiety and depression.

Just when she thought she could move on,

She stopped moving.

She only walked back, senseless, to put everything away.

Away in a box, 

A box meant to be thrown away,

A box she would keep forever.

She walked once more to hide everything away,

She kicked dirty clothes under the bed,

She would still use them nonetheless.

She didn’t unpack the plastic bags full of old clothes either.

No, she would keep them.

Just when she thought she was safe,

The thing came back

And it made her shiver.

She shivered for she knew

She could never go back,

She would never be safe,

She would never get cured.

As time went by,

The thing grew stronger.

Hiding in the back of her mind,

Like a beast lurking in the shadows.

It would ask for little offerings.

A napkin, a bit of sugar, 

The cork of an empty wine bottle…

Little thing to keep it serene.

And she thought she could get better, 

And she threw away bags of things,

And she felt like she was rising from death.

But deep inside, she knew the thing was anything

But dead.

A whole year went by,

A year she thought to be good.

But by the end she realised

The thing had done it again.

She was afraid of throwing away the bag of cookies,

It still had crumbs that she could eat.

She was afraid of eating the chips

That lay flat over her desk,

What if she needed them?

Her tubes of paint, her brushes,

Her palettes, her solvents,

They were all a mess.

In fact, her whole room was a mess.

And she realised, 

She realised too late,

That there were clothes under the bed,

That there were napkins on the bedside table

That her clothes were still in boxes and plastic bags,

And not only that.

She had kept away other things in another place.

She had kept them away because she was afraid.

She was afraid someone else would take them,

She was afraid someone else would use them,

She was afraid someone else would keep them.

So she took them far away,

And neither her nor anybody else could use them,

Not then, perhaps not ever.

But she was okay,

Because at least her things were safe.

Safe, unlike her.”

Once again I broke my own promise of coming back and finish my to-do list. I will no longer apologise nor will I find excuses, because the truth is none of that matters right now.

I’m not writing this in an attempt to call anyone’s attention, nor am I doing it to make me feel good in any kind of way. I write this because the year is ending and I like to recall what happened throught the year and also because I need to express myself. Sorry if it triggers anyone.

At the beginning of the year I was full of work, inspiration, love, friendship… I turned 21 and was thinking this was the year of my great breakthough. I thought it was the year I would finally finish college, move out of my parents house, and start making a life for myself. How wrong I was.

By February my life broke in a way I can’t even begin to describe. I had a big loss, a loss that happened by my own hand and that I still cannot explain without hating myself a bit more. And yet, I still had some love left.

By March things in my country went really bad. Tons of women just get killed like bugs all around me, and every time they were closer and closer to me. My mother and I protested along many others by hiding from the world for 24 hours. No wifi, no streaming, no nothing. It didn’t do much. Not even my own father and brothers took it seriously.

And then we learned about the rona and we had to hide all together for a whole month. My boyfriend moved in with us, and I realised my relationship wasn’t as perfect as I thought. There was something wrong with us.
Not only that, but I realised how useless and immature I really am. I can’t move out and actually live alone… not yet.

Months went by, I can’t even recall what happened when, but I always felt like something was off. Not only with my boyfriend, but also with my family. There was something wrong. But hey, I finished my first novel.

By August my parents decided to travel and so my brother and I moved in temporarily with my boyfriend. We started taking couple’s therapy, and those were the best three weeks in my life, I swear. And yet there still was something off.

When we came back I was afraid. Afraid of bringing my things back, afraid things would break even more. But my grandparents arrived and things got easier for a while. 

The following months were confusing. Every day I turned angrier and angrier, breaking whatever was left of myself. I then realised the friendships I had at the beginning of the year were long gone, and so would happen to my relationship if I didn’t seek for help.

We had been to therapy, yes, but the kind of help I needed was something else.

My grandparents and my parents are at the brink of divorce, my uncle got divorced, another aunt got divorced as well, my friends broke up with their respective partners… 

I called a suicide hotline. I got asked to seek for a therapist urgently.

I got depression, anxiety and I no longer know myself.

Christmas was nice, but there were details I cannot recall because my new pills are taking the best out of me. I fall asleep anywhere I can, I forget to eat, or go pee, or even speak. I feel like a ghost. 

I began hoarding again, and though I paint twice a day and can act like a human being, I no longer feel like myself. 

They say it gets better with time, and my psychiatrist says I will recover, and my therapist says I’m doing great but I don’t feel great. 

I thought of jumping off the window not two hours ago, and I’ve starved myself the whole day.

I’m afraid. I’ve no immune system left, I haven’t got one since I got sixteen and diagnosed with lupus. If rona gets me, I don’t think I’ll be able to fight it. I’m not sure I will want to fight.

I feel confused. I’ve always been the one to stick out and stay strong for others and now I feel like no one is strong enough to stay with me. 

I had amazing plans for my 2021. I’d start a YouTube channel, I’d make a music video (a cover song), and I’d challenge myself to use all of my clothes for a change and document it for views… But now the only time I change clothes is when I go see my in-laws and they leave today. The only songs I sing are in my head, and the only views I get are imaginary.

Is it normal? I hope so, but I’ve never been one to tag as normal.

And all I have to say to you is thank you for sticking here with me, I can’t promise I will come back soon or ever, nor can I promise to finish the list. All I can do is thank you for being here, for being patient, and for believing in me.

Happy 2021

A kingdom of self-isolation, and it looks like I’m the queen ❄️

linkedin things

y’all be posting on your main stories the importance of social distancing and staying inside then blowing up your private with pics of you and your 87 closest friends at a bonfire… do better.

So this dad is blaming Corona isolation, one month into isolation, on his kids suicide. I get that a parent wants to place blame anywhere else but themselves but this is dangerous to put out there

12-Year-Old’s Death Was Result of Coronavirus Fallout, Father Says

I don’t understand the great mask debate. No shoes. No shirt. No service. We all know that rule. You’re already required to wear things to protect yourself and others when you go into stores. What’s the problem with wearing another 16 square inches of cloth?

No shoes. No shirt. No mask. No service.

➫ like/reblog, if you use/liked

Hey friends,

Today’s Blog post was definitely not something I planned as most of my blog posts are dedicated to Tarot, Runes and Relationship Coaching.

So, what happened?

Well, the “third wave” happened.

If you are in a country where you are going through yet another lockdown, and who knows if this is the last one, you are probably reaching a point when you really need some tips on how to get through this without getting nuts.

What is happening right now has caused a spike in anxiety, depression and other mental health struggles.

The consequences of strength can be both physiological and mental. When we are talking about the impact on the body, it is sleep disturbance, food disorders and worsening of other conditions one may be predisposed to.

When we talk mental health, stress results in irritability, panic attacks, depression and addictions.

I appreciate so many wonderful ideas and advice from people to help others find some fun and meaningful activities to do, but let’s be real with each other: a good book and a warm bath don’t do the trick anymore. It’s been over a year since it all started and you probably already celebrated 365 days of bubble baths.

I am going to give you some REAL and MEANINGFUL advice on what you need to start doing now to preserve (and hopefully improve) your mental health.

Let’s jump right into it.

1. How can I separate myself from work mentally if I am working from home?

This is a MUST for your mental health. There is a reason why we GO to work. Even though now companies claim that working from home seems to work perfectly fine, it works fine for a company that no longer needs to pay for commercial lease and maintain the building.

But for YOUR mental health, it is a very big hit.

You know this feeling when you come home from work and finally feel RELAXED?

Well, you probably don’t remember what it’s like anymore because your home and work environments seemed to merge into one.

And it is SO important that you do everything to separate them.

Here are some suggestions for you:

Even if you live in a small apartment, you need to have an area designed strictly for work.

Separate this area from the rest of the room or your flat and make sure you have dedicated hours of work.

And when you are done with your work, you DO NOT go back there to check something, to read an email or to reply to a coworker that doesn’t know a definition of work hours and sends 500 emails at 10pm.

You do you.

If your job end at 5pm, wave your “workplace” a goodbye and leave the space both physically and mentally.

Interesting tip from psychologists is even to choose a certain outfit for your work hours buy I would go so far as to say, choose an outfit for your whole day regardless if you are working or no.

I’m telling you guys, it’s such a shift in a mindset when you are washed, dressed, have some make up on, nice perfume, whatever rocks your boat, as long as you are not spending all your day in pjs.

2. What can I do if I find myself overeating or drinking more alcohol than I normally would?

Let’s break it down right away: over eating, smoking excessively or drinking more alcohol than you normally would and should, is THE WORST strategy to get through the quarantine.

You MUST find other ways to cope and I know how difficult it is. You need to ACCEPT your emotions, fears and anger and I know you are at the point where you don’t want to accept anything, you just want to fall asleep and wake up thinking it was just your worst nightmare that is now over.

I know it’s easy to say that eventually it will be over.

For some of us, coping is much more difficult than for others and I know that you have reasons.

If you are really at your breaking point, you understand that you no longer can cope by yourself, you start developing addictions or worse feel aggressive towards your family members, PLEASE seek help.

Thankfully, there is MANY resources available right now. There are a lot of counselors, psychologists and workers that are offering help at low cost and even at no cost.

No one will ever judge you for seeking help.

Call you friend, your mother or cousin. Sit down with your partner and just talk. Maybe others will be able to offer some insights or advice. Maybe together you will develop a plan.

If you are with kids 24/7, make sure you put aside some time for yourself. I knoooow, it’s super cliché to talk about self-care but I am a mom myself and I know how important it is.

And you know what? Sometimes you need to turn on that cartoon for 30 minutes and just go, sit down and have your coffee with a muffin. Do NOT let anyone shame you.

Losing your shit is NORMAL, we all do, we are no Yogis here.

3. How do I stop myself from watching or reading news every day and getting angry?

This is a big one. I probably should have started with it.

My best advice is disconnecting your cable and delete the news from your phone. This is what I did, it works like a miracle.

No, there is no show on your TV you can’t live without. There is Netflix, Amazon and plenty of other platforms to watch programs and shows.

Our immune system and well-being highly depend on what is going on in our head. If you start your day or dedicate all day to the subject of pandemic, such as watching news, videos, statistics and prognosis that may or may not ever come true, this will raise your anxiety level, which in turn will affect both physical and mental health.

All this can not only lead to anxiety disorder and depression. If you are on my page, then I trust you believe in the fact that our thoughts are materialistic. And so are our fears. Make sure that you are feeding your mind with positive affirmations.

Instead, try to shift your focus on other things you are interested in. Think what else matters for you? Maybe you want to improve your health, start a new exercise routine, learn about digital marketing or knitting. Youtube is booming now more than ever. Why not dedicate your time towards something useful?

4. How do I keep myself calm when I feel like my blood is boiling? How to overcome anger and helplessness caused by the news?

When I thought about an answer to this question, I remembered a time when my Yoga instructor was teaching us meditation.

We were in the process of meditation and I kept trying to push the thoughts away but they would come back. I would try to talk myself into stillness but as a result, I would just tense up, while the thoughts were still there.

At this time, I heard my teacher saying: “If you are trying right now to be still so hard you keep on repeating “stop thinking” to yourself, you are doing it all wrong.”

I started laughing. I was really laughing at myself and at how stupid I felt. Meditation is about acceptance and release. We accept any thought that comes our way and try to simply dismiss it.

What you need to remember is that when you are trying to escape anger, panic or distress to reach that stillness that seems to be so unachievable, when you are trying to look positive or talk yourself into feeling positive or calm, you are trying to reach yet another extreme.

Mental health and well-being are not in stillness or eternal optimism. It is somewhere in the middle.

All emotions are necessary. We need to release our anger, we need to laugh till we cry and sometimes cry, so that we can laugh again.

What is important is maintaining that balance.

It’s not always easily done but it’s important to remember that you don’t have to be happy 24/7. This is NOT a definition of good health.

With that said, don’t forget that others around you may also be having a bad day. Offer help and support with a reminder that we are all here for each other, in good and in bad.

5. I do exercises and Yoga but they don’t seem to help with my stress levels. How do I not get discouraged?

It is important to understand what type of physical activity can help YOU right NOW based on your needs and your mental state.

Yoga may not be helpful to release anxiety and anger that has built up over the past months.

It may be a better idea for you to buy a boxing bag and kick the hell out of it.

Or you may need to go for a run and let the wind and fresh air really stir everything up inside.

But for those who continue to work outside of their home, you may be hustling so much during the day that what you really need is stillness. In this case, Yoga, meditation and mindfulness practices will be most helpful.

It is really important to assess your current mental health situation. If you are unsure, grab a pen and paper and write down everything you feel. Take a look at what prevails.

In any case, I want you to understand that ESPECIALLY NOW exercise and physical activity are more important than ever before. So, make sure you include in your life the following:

-Physical activity in any form that fits you (running, Yoga, Pilates, boxing)

-Breathing exercises

-Attention and Mindfulness exercises

6. Make sure to take care of the elderly at the best of your ability.

Our elderly seem to be so forgotten. And just as our children, they are the most affected by the current situation.

Even prior to these lockdown it’s been a known fact that many older people, when they retire, go through difficulties related to the lack of social life, goals and meaningful events.

Now, when most of them are completely stuck at home all the above issues have only intensified.

Because of that, they don’t really have much left to do but watch a TV all day and as we discussed above, television can negatively impact mental health of the healthiest young individuals, let alone the vulnerable population.

I know that some of you are unable to see your grandparents or parents in person, as they may be in a retirement facility with restrictions on visitors.

But as someone who lives so far away from grandparents for more than 10 years, I can give you the following suggestions:

CALL. Wow, so “new”. I know it’s not but I have noticed that today’s generation will do everything and anything to avoid calling. People are so consumed in social media, swiping, liking and texting that when it comes to actually pick up a phone and chat, they hardly know what to talk about.

If your elderly has a landline still, you can use that but if you have a chance buy them a tablet or a cellphone and either yourself or have someone show them how to use at the very least Skype or What’s App.

And really, you don’t have to have a reason for a call.

Call to ask your grandmother share her favourtire apply pie recipe, to get her opinion on your job situation, to share your baby’s first tooth finally coming through.

It all may seem like day-to-day activities for you but you have NO IDEA how much they want to be involved and have a meaningful life.

This will keep them busy and will really take their minds off the negativity that is spilling from every single television channel on them.

7. Try to have a schedule that all family members will follow.

In the conditions we are facing right now when family members are forced to be together 24/7, sometimes in quite a small space, it is inevitable that you may start to experience issues in your relationship with a partner or your children.

For this reason, divorce rates, verbal and physical abuse and alcohol intoxication are at the highest.

It is a very serious matter because people are unable to structure their day, have a schedule and follow it.

What you can do is the following:

-Have a set of rules at home everyone will follow. “Mommy is working for the next two hours, while you are doing your online learning, then we meet at 12pm for lunch”

You can establish a reward system for your children if they are following through with the schedule.

-Have a space at home where you go to take a breath if the situation heats up and you feel like you are losing your cool.

-Set up a schedule for yourself that would cover all areas of your life, not just your work. Make sure you dedicate some time to spend with your family, spouse, children and, of course, the elderly.

8. Lastly, if you want to maintain good mental health and get through this period, coming out happy & healthy, it is important to REMAIN A HUMAN BEING.

Not a human, not a person, not a man or a woman, a HUMAN BEING.

We all react to the events that are happening right now differently. One person is angry, another couldn’t care less. Someone is not leaving their house, another is at a protest, protecting the freedom they believe in.

LIVE and LET LIVE. That’s something we all seemed to talk about a lot before this all started but completely forgotten since.

This is ALL a NORMAL reaction to not so normal events.

Everyone copes the way they can. If you don’t agree or don’t approve, for yourself, do what you judge to be right.

If you continue to bark at people for not following the standards of normality you have set up for yourself, none of the above suggestions will help you.

By trying to judge, humiliate or laugh at others, you set yourself to the path of anger and misery.

I am not encouraging you to do anything in particular, to chose a camp or a side. All I am telling you is leave others alone and live your life.

My fellow Murrikans, we need to talk a little about science.

Specifically, about how and why pandemic models change as dramatically as they do. And yes, this will be long, but stick with me.

There have been a lot of sentiments lately that scientists have “overblown” the predicted mortality rate of COVID-19. That they’re “backpedaling” and admitting that the mortality rate won’t be quite as bad as they thought.

I’ve repeatedly seen people criticizing the Imperial College’s scientist who is “admitting” that his dire predictions aren’t so grim after all… despite the articles those people post including or at least linking to his full statement that the lower numbers occurred when social distancing and other protocols were factored into the model.

That doesn’t mean he’s “admitting” to anything or that he was incorrect: it means his model now reflects communities taking action to slow the spread of the virus and flatten the curve. The fact that his numbers are lower now doesn’t mean he was wrong – it means MEASURES ARE WORKING.

Think about it:

Let’s say we Virus X is discovered and has started spreading rapidly. Based on the cases observed so far, scientists conclude its reproduction number (how contagious it is, basically) and its mortality rate, and from there, conclude that if it continues to spread at its current pace, 1,000,000 deaths are likely.

With those factors in mind, actions are taken: quarantines, PPE, shutdowns and social distancing where possible, etc. Testing increases, so more cases are identified, including mild or asymptomatic cases where a person would not have quarantined under normal circumstances, which will prevent them from contributing to the spread of the Virus X.

The model is updated, and now 100,000 deaths are expected from Virus X.

Wait, that seems like a huge change. Clearly the numbers were wrong to begin with and scientists are just guessing.

Except pandemic models include predictions for 12-18 months into the future, and viruses spread at exponential rates. There’s a reason we have a phrase “going viral.”  If that spread is significantly slowed in April of year 1, it’s going to have a dramatic ripple effect over the subsequent 12-18 months, which is going to bring the total cases – and deaths – way down.

So now Virus X is expected to kill around 100,000 people.

More data comes in. Some new treatment measures are adopted that save lives. Risk factors are identified, allowing vulnerable people to be quarantined to prevent exposure. The notoriously not-transparent country where the virus originated coughs up some clearer data that would have been helpful weeks ago. When the model is updated once more, Virus X is predicted to kill 25,000 people.

Does that mean the scientists were incorrect when they predicted 1,000,000 deaths? Were they “creating a panic” or otherwise trying to hype up a disease that ended up being no big deal?

No! It means measures taken to reduce the spread ARE WORKING, and that treatments and such are HELPING.

IT’S A GOOD THING WHEN THE PREDICTED DEATHS DROP.

IT’S EVEN BETTER WHEN THEY DROP THAT MUCH.

If the predicted deaths stayed consistent even after the addition of preventative measures, then we would be colossally screwed because it would mean there is nothing we can do to slow or stop the disease from killing people. That initial prediction is what will happen if we just let it do its thing and don’t lift a finger to slow it down. The lower numbers mean we’re doing a thing and we should KEEP DOING IT.

Pandemic prediction is not an exact science. It’s impossible to predict exactly how many people will get infected and how many will die. But it’s not “wrong” or “wild guesses.”

It’s like hurricane tracking: we have A LOT of data that tells us what will influence a hurricane’s track and strength. Based on that, meteorologists can predict with remarkable accuracy when, where, and how severely a hurricane will hit.

But sometimes they’re wrong. Sometimes a hurricane peters out. Sometimes it strengthens. Sometimes it veers out to sea, and then people are mad because they boarded up their windows and stocked up on bottled water “for nothing.” They feel duped and lied to, as if they were encouraged to panic over nothing.

No, you jackwagons, you were given information that could have saved your life. Think about what would have happened if the meteorologists had figured “eh, this one will probably blow out to sea,” but then the Category 5 hurricane slammed into your city without warning.

Much like meteorologists, epidemiologists have to take worst case scenarios seriously, which can mean some scary-looking models early on. That doesn’t mean they’re being Chicken Little: it means they’re telling you that the metaphorical hurricane has a significant likelihood of hitting you at a high speed, and hey maybe you should be ready for it. As the hurricane gets closer, they’ll have a better idea of its strength and track, but if they wait until they’re absolutely sure it’s going to hit you, you won’t have time to take measures to prevent loss of life and property.

With a pandemic, they start out with the worst case scenario so that governments and citizens can prepare and protect themselves accordingly, and as the “storm” gets closer, the models will change based on both its “strength and track” (data collected as the disease does its thing) and based on how much people have done to weaken it and slow it down (something we haven’t yet figured out how to do with hurricanes, but are reasonably good at with microbes).

Scientists are not lying to you. They’re not trying to make you panic. They’re using the information and resources that they have to try to minimize preventable deaths.  

In the end, when the final count is lower than initially predicted, don’t be bitter that it “wasn’t as bad.” Don’t think you were duped or lied to or provoked into panicking. Be thankful that we have advanced epidemiological science that can give us the information we need to keep a pandemic from being as devastating as it could be when left to its own devices.

Because unlike hurricanes, we can actually change this storm’s strength and minimize its devastation.

So when all this is over, instead of complaining while you pull the boards off your windows after the storm that never materialized, be grateful that your house is still standing.

i love this girl so much, i forget there was a time where we didnt know eachother existed

original: ‘selfportrait (quarantine)’ by lamina

Do you always enter the zoom for online lectures 10 minutes earlier or are you normal ?

Me trying to get people to stay home

I’ll just wear fencing gear at the grocery store from now on…

Today

darthxerik:

С 1 мая !

В ночь уехала на дачу, так что, хвойных вам в ленту

…кажется, я разучилась ходить

В воскресенье вернусь в город и продолжу рисовать. Вчера успела сделать лайн, надо подчистить его и можно красить)

Надеюсь мой “творческий” порыв не иссякнет и я не брошу снова рисовать.

CURRENT MOOD:

I think it’s time we blow this scene.

Get everybody and the stuff together.

Okay three, two, one, let’s jam!

-Cowboy Bebop

Flip Grid

Slytherin, recording a video response for class: Hey everyone. I really don’t know what to do so I’m just going to do a flip

*flips off bunk*

Slytherin: I hope yall enjoyed that

http://tee.pub/lic/DlY9fn5uqwA

Couldn’t sleep a few nights back and made this. “Love in the Time of Covid” is available as a mug, sticker, shirt, and so on! You can find it on TeePublic.