remus: so, i heard you like bad boys.

sirius: no, not really.

remus: oh thank god.

sirius: what’s wrong?

remus: this flim is making me cry.

sirius: *punching the tv* what the fuck is your problem?

remus: i can’t believe we’re locked in this room together

sirius: *throwing the key out of the window* truly unfortunate

sirius: a fly flew into my ear! it’s gonna eat my brain!

remus: it’s going to starve.

sirius: if i ever die, i am going to haunt this school. i’ll randomly open and close doors. i’ll trow a book at someone every time they were being an asshole. i’d be an awesome ghost.

remus:

remus: if you ever die-

ig chamberbychamber

The night before

“Remus.”

Sirius choked out through the fire. Remus could see only his face appear in the fire he had set just outside of his tent. He was on a mission for the Order, therefore owling letters was too risky, so Sirius and him decided this was a safer and more beneficial (in light of the fact that they could see each other) way of communication.

“Pads, how are you? Is everything okay?”

“It is, its fine, I just wanted to talk to you, ‘s all.” said Sirius quietly. Remus sighed.

The thing was that there was no such thing as ‘just talking’, or at least Remus thought so. There was a war going on strongly, their best friends were hiding somewhere and it felt like he was waiting for bad news to strike him. Just talking made him nervous because they felt normal, and things were everything but normal.

“When are you coming back?” Sirius asked.

Remus didn’t actually know when he was coming back, but he knew it was soon. He hoped it was soon, “Soon. Okay? Don’t worry about me.”

“Right. Okay.”

There was a long silence. But it wasn’t uncomfortable, because Remus and Sirius could sit in each other’s presence for twelve years and say absolutely nothing, and it still wouldn’t be weird. They guessed it was love.

Love. How to think about love when the point of war is hate? It was so easy loving Sirius. They were just twenty-one and already engaged and it was so easy being in love.

“Remus, there is something I’d like to tell you. I’m not the-“ Sirius was cut off.

“Shit, shit, shit. I can’t hear you anymore. I’ll talk to you tomorrow, yeah? I love you.”

“O-oh, okay. I miss you.” said Sirius, upset that he didn’t tell Remus what he wanted to, but it’s fine, i’ll tell him tomorrow, he thought.

“I miss you too. But when all this is over we will be a proper family, you’ll see.” Remus whispered.

And the connection broke.

It was 30th October 1980.

any girl:*exists*

sirius: where’s the flavor?

sirius: i don’t think i’m homosexual, maybe i’m just confused.

remus: *walks by*

sirius: on a second thought-

my internal debate is always between ace sirius black, super flirty/sexual sirius black, or both

Sirius: *stubs toe* Chicken noodle!

James: Hold up, what did he just say?

Peter: Remus has been trying to get him to swear less, so now he sounds like-

Sirius: Crusty eggnog motherf-

Remus:Sirius…

Sirius: flower, mother flower. Mamma mia, this is hard.

Lily: Oh my God, just fucking swear.

Remus: *hugs Sirius from behind*

Sirius: *leans into him*

Remus: Eat all my chocolate again and we’re done, capisce?

Sirius: *still chewing* …

Remus: Merlin, it’s so bloody obvious that James is still smitten with Lily after all of this time but she’s completely oblivious! How can people not see what’s right in front of them?

Sirius: *wearing a ‘Please date me, Remus’ shirt* Haha, yeah. Funny that, isn’t it?-

Remus and Sirius: 3, 2, 1… Happy New Year! *kiss*

Peter: Guys, it’s not even midnight, stop snogging everytime the microwave goes off.

Lily: And did you ever take Marlene on a date?

Sirius: Yes, in Hogsmeade, where no one saw us.

Lily: And how long have you been dating Marlene?

Sirius: Three months.

Lily: And your boyfriend’s name is?

Sirius:Remus.

Lily:Right.

*AUDIBLE GASPING IN THE GRYFFINDOR COMMON ROOM*

Sirius: P-Pardon me.

Lily: Yes, Sirius?

Sirius: I was… confused. See, I thought you said friend; Remus is just a friend.

Remus: *gets up dramatically* You BITCH!

Sirius: Remus, wait! *chases after him*

James: *rushes into dorm* Guys, I have a plan - but I need someone to help out!

Sirius: I went last time.

Peter: So did I.

James, Sirius, Peter: *all turn to Remus*

Remus: Damnit, wait no, I - can, can we spin the wheel instead?

Sirius: *spins makeshift cardboard wheel with all of their names on* It landed on Remus!

Remus: *already out the door*

Peter:Motherf-

James: Well, I guess if Remus REALLY doesn’t want to do it, I’ll take SOMEBODY ELSE.

Remus: *head peeks around door* Rea-

Sirius: *manhandling Remus* Got him!

James: Woohoo! Let’s go!

Remus: Ugh, I should have hung out with Evans.

Remus: Hey, I think we have a problem.

Sirius: What? The fire?

Remus: What fire?!

Sirius: You know what, forget it. Your problem sounds more interesting, I’m all ears.

Sirius:…

Remus:…

Sirius:Wha-

Remus: *under breath* Did you accidentally start a fire with Prongs again?

Sirius:…No.

Remus: *sigh of relief*

Sirius: This time it was Evans’ fault, mostly.

Lily: *frantically grabbing fire extinguisher from wall* Snitch!

Remus: Darling, when I said “bring me back something from the beach”, I meant like - a shell.

Sirius: *struggling to hold a seagull* Well, you didn’t make it explicitly clear.

James: Hey Moony, what colour are Sirius’ eyes?

Remus: The colour of the clearest sky emerging from the gentle dawn, the calmest ocean by the flinty shore; sparkling sea foam - magnetic and alluring, powerful and bright - bubbling over with pure energy and light.

James:What?

Remus: I said grey.

Remus: *sitting quietly, probably reading a book*

Sirius: Merlin’s Beard, how could someone even be that ADORABLE?! OUTRAGEOUS. Ugh.

Remus: *proceeds to literally not move a muscle*

Sirius: *to James* You see what I have to DEAL with EVERYDAY?! It’s unbearable!

James: Mate, you can’t stop talking about him; just ask Remus out, I’m sure it can’t go that badly.

Sirius: Fine! Well, I’ll, I’ll see what the people have to say about it! *turns to group* Do you think I sh-?

Marlene, Dorcas, Peter, Alice, Frank, Lily, Madam Pomfrey, Professor McGonagall, Dumbledore, the Fat Lady, Mrs Norris, Nearly Headless Nick, the Giant Squid:YES.

Sirius: *crying* BUT IT’S SCARY.

Sirius: Remus is too tall for me to kiss, what should I do?

James: You could throw a book at him so he’ll drop down briefly enough for you to meet at the same eye-level as he ascends back up to the clouds to live amongst the giants.

Remus: Prongs, I’m only 6’7”!

Lily: ‘ONLY’?! *crunches popcorn* Pads, I’d recommend standing on a small, portable stool.

Frank: Or better yet, a table. *high fives James*

Alice: Hmm, you could try wearing really high-heels?

Dorcas: No, Sirius’ heels are already high enough to twist his ankles at any sudden movement, we don’t want to kill him.

Peter: Maybe grab his neck and climb up on him like a spider monkey.

Marlene: Dude, just jump up as high as possible and hope for the best.

Remus: Or you could do none of that and just ask me to lean over?

Sirius: Darling, Dumbledore called - we have to go help Marlene and Alice, apparently the Death Eaters have them surrounded in Nocturn Alley.

Remus: Go without me! I’ll grab my wand and be with you in just a second.

Sirius: Of course!

Remus: And Sirius?

Sirius:Yes?

Remus: Be careful.

Sirius: Pffft, I’m always carefu- *walks straight into doorframe*

Remus: *raises eyebrows*

Sirius: In DANGEROUS situations, Moony.

Sirius: *apparates out*

Remus: That bloody liar.

Remus: Where have you been?! I was worried sick!

Sirius: *soaking wet* James and I decided to fight the giant squid because she stole his lunch, but we tried to do it wearing his invisibility cloak - long story short: that didn’t work, we lost the cloak and then we spent three hours trying to fish it back out with the squid attacking us.

Remus:…

Remus: Sirius, love of my life, sun to my moon, yee to my haw, what the actual fuck?

Sirius: *blushing* I’m the love of your life?

Remus:*panics*

Because apparently I hate myself and wanted to rip my heart out I found out that the first full moon after Remus Lupin lost everyone important to him in his life including the love of his life and fiancé, Sirius Black was Wednesday 11th November, 1981. This was also the first transformation we can confirm that he endured alone since he was fifteen.

REMUS ahhh; he then faced unemployment and homelessness for the next 13 years, held a job for one year before being forced out because of his lycanthropy (and he was too tired to fight it by that point because he’d suffered so much already. What discrimination protection laws do wizards have?) and then lost the love of his life AGAIN?! AGONY. Then JK Rowling decided to conveniently produce Harry with an orphaned godson. You didn’t deserve what you got you pure sweater-wearing, chocoholic bisexual angel.

*on the Hogwarts Express*

Remus: Please, Sirius - for the last time - stop making train puns.

Sirius: I’m sorry I took it too far, I just have a one track mind, you know?

Remus: That’s it, I’m done.

Sirius: Moony, don’t derail our relationship!

James: Guys, we should really go out to Hogsmeade - it’s been ages! Pads, are you free after we get out of detention with McGonagall on Sunday?

Sirius:Yeah!

James:Remus?

Remus:Probably.

James: Excellent! I’m not!

Remus:?

Sirius:?

James: Have fun on your date!

Remus: Wait, did he really just…?

Sirius: *mouthing to James* Thank you.

Dumbledore: Look, I know that I’m typically quite lenient about the mischief you lot get up to, but this time it’s crucial that I know whether or not you did it - because it could have been dangerous for both parties involved.

Dumbledore: Sirius, Mr Lupin, Miss McKinnon, Miss Meadowes; I need you to be straight with me.

Sirius:

Remus:

Marlene:

Dorcas:

Dumbledore: Okay, I realise that was difficult for all of us.

Monday

Sirius: Remus’ hair looks so nice today.

James: Sure, mate.

Tuesday

Sirius: Merlin’s beard, his eyes are stunning - there’s like this ring of blue on the outside and it’s kind of brownish in the inner ring.

James: I never noticed.

Wednesday

Sirius: Tall people are just objectively way more attractive, you know?

James: Remus is tall.

Thursday

random really pretty Hogwarts girl: Would you like to go to the dance with me?

Sirius: Thank you so much for the offer, but I’ll have to pass.

James:!?!!

Friday

Sirius: James, I’ve never said this to anyone before, but I think I have a crush on-

James: REMUS, REMUS LUPIN, MOONY MCMOON, I KNOW PADS, I KNOW.

Sirius: Wait, how?

James: How would you tell your crush that you like them?

Remus: Easy, I wouldn’t. I’ll just hold all my feelings right here *gestures to chest*, then one day I’ll die.

Sirius: So, you have a crush then?

James:*smirks*

Remus:*panics*

Remus: Do you believe in soulmates?

Sirius: Of course! All souls have friends!

Peter: *mouthing* What the fuckkk?