#incorrect harry potter
Hogwarts houses as conversations I’ve had with my friends (pt 11):
Gryffindor: so what u didn’t study, do u really have to cry about it?
Ravenclaw: *sobbing* I’m not crying because i didn’t study, dude stfu i hate u so much
Gryffindor: ️️
Hufflepuff: then why are you crying?
Ravenclaw: just …in general.
Hufflepuff: Valid in these trying times, have a nice day.
Gryffindor:
Gryffindor: literally no, what the fuck.
Fanfiction tropes as Hogwarts houses.
(Or alternatively, which hogwarts house is likely to be involved in said tropes.)
Gryffindor: rivals to friends to lovers, there was only one bed, accidentally locked themselves in a confined space (absolutely the kind of dumbassery you would expect from a gryff), idiots in love, truth and dare, OBLIVIOUSNESS, coming of age.
Hufflepuff: friends to lovers, hurt/comfort, coffee shop au, FLUFF, song fics, childhood best friends, neighbors, mutual pining, accidental confession (lmfao), hot cold dynamics, soulmate au.
Ravenclaw: office romance, METAPHORS, book shop au (obviously), bonding over common interests, letter/email fics, soft nerds, project partners, DARK ACADEMIA, domestic as hell, “and they were roommates”.
Slytherin: enemies to friends to lovers (duh), Fake dating, arranged marriage, partners in crime, immortal lovers, vampire/veela/supernatural elements, Never have I ever, ANGST, secret pining, “make me.” ‘nuff said.
It kinda makes sense in a weirdly specific way if you think about it.
Hogwarts houses as conversations I’ve had with my friends (pt 10):
Gryffindor: so we’re meeting then?
Slytherin:yea.
Gryffindor:Date?
Slytherin: ew no.
Gryffindor: …I MEANT WHAT DATE ARE WE MEETING ON
Slytherin:….
Slytherin: 14 Feb.
Two types of people in the world: professional overthinker, and their dumbass friend who encourages them to make questionable decisions.
Tag yourself, I’m a pro overthinker and @traveleroflife02 is my dumbass partner in chaotic-neutral crime.
Over text (3)
Slytherin:Answer your phone.
Ravenclaw:Wait a minute, I can’t find it.
Slytherin:Got it
Slytherin, after several minutes: You’re a terrible person. You know you’re killing me. You’re killing me, rave.
Gryffindor: Did you just… agree with me?
Slytherin: Oh I wish I could take-
Gryffindor: Nope! You said it! No take-backs!
Ravenclaw: There is no such thing as a stupid question.
Slytherin: Whatever you say
*A few days later*
Gryffindor, to Ravenclaw: What’s in mango salsa?
Ravenclaw, to Slytherin: I stand corrected.
I posted a quote on my main again accidentally -_-
I accidentally uploaded this to my main lol :/ (I deleted it afterwards btw)
After accidentally tearing up a page in Ravenclaw’s book
Gryffindor: I did a bad thing.
Slytherin: Does it in anyway impact Me or Huffy negatively??
Gryffindor: Not really.
Slytherin: Then suffer in silence.
Sunday Morning
Slytherin, walking in with a bag of bread: Who wants french toast?
Gryffindor:Ohh, ill have some.
Slytherin, handing the bread to gryffindor: Me too, eggs and milk in the fridge.
Gryffindor: -_-
Hermione: I can’t stand you.
Narcissa:Then kneel.
Hermione:
Narcissa:Go on, bend the knee.
Hermione: The only thing I’m bending is you over a table.
Narcissa, blushing furiously:okay
Hermione’s poor secretary, witnessing the whole ordeal: Oh look there’s the door. Imma just head out before I witness something more traumatizing.
Narcissa, looking at Hermione: I think I’m having a heart attack.
Andromeda, not looking up from her book: You’re just experiencing love again.
Narcissa: It’s gross and I hate it.
Hermione:I don’t like the fact that you’re taller than me.
Narcissa:Trust me, there’s an advantage to it.
Hermione:And what is that?
Narcissa:When I hug you, you can hear my heart beating just for you. *winks*
Hermione:*blushes and mumbles* You smooth, sweet talking snake.
Narcissa at her wedding with Hermione: This is the second gayest thing I have ever done, the first one being my bride.
*Narcissa scolding their child*
Narcissa:No more turning mother’s hair to red.
Narcissa: Say it after me.
Their child: Me it.
Narcissa: [pinching the bridge of her nose] Merlin help me.
Hermione:*sniggering*
Neville: So how’s your life going, Hermione?
Hermione: Hold on a second.
Hermione: *whispers* Narcissa, how are you doing?
Narcissa, blushing: I’m doing well I suppose.
Hermione, turning back to Neville: Doing well, apparently.
Narcissa: In light of what you did today, you can hug me for four to five seconds.
Hermione: Forty-five seconds?!
Narcissa:NO! FOUR TO FI-
Hermione: [hugs Narcissa] No take backsies!
Andromeda: Wait, how do you know Narcissa is good in bed?
Harry: Hermione and I share a wall, so either Narcissa’s amazing in bed, or Hermione just likes to agree with her a lot.
Hermione, to Narcissa: Is three fingers too much?
Luna, in the same room: Not at all! Most people have ten.
Narcissa: Hermione and I are having a baby.
Harry: We figured.
Narcissa:How?
Ron: Because we saw Hermione practicing with Crookshanks earlier today.
Narcissa:Practicing?
Hermione, walking in with Crookshanks in a baby carrier with a pacifier on his mouth:Hey.
Watched Harry Potter again and I’m pretty sure this happened once
Oh Bellatrix…
Hermione:I’m so hungry, think I might grab a snack.
Narcissa:*not really paying attention because she’s reading a book* Hmm.
Hermione:*sinks between Narcissa’s legs and starts hiking her skirt up*
Narcissa:What are you doing?
Hermione:I said I wanted a snack.
Luna:Wow that dress is really nice.
Narcissa: Thank you, Miss Lovegood.
Luna: You know where it would look better?
Narcissa:Where?
Luna:Hermione’s bedroom floor.
Narcissa:…
Hermione: Luna! What did I say about flirting with other people for me?!
Thus, the sexual tension between them remains unresolved.
Hermione:How are you feeling honey?
Narcissa:Fine, except this headache that comes and goes.
Bellatrix:*enters*
Narcissa: There it is again.
