#love aesthetic

it took me far too long to realize that no matter how hard i tried, i could never hate you. i could be furious at you for the way you hurt me, for claiming that you cared while your actions showed the opposite, but i could never hate you.

i loved you too much to ever be able to hate you.

-i really wish i could hate you. c.r.

maybe all the signs were there-

maybe i just refused to see them.

after all, red flags just look like flags when you see them through rose colored glasses.

-why did i believe you when you said you’d never hurt me? c.r.

do you miss me?

or am i nothing more than a lovesick fool, leading myself on to another inevitable heartbreak?

-you were my favorite mistake. c.r.

“for what it’s worth, i still love you.

i swear- i never wanted to lose you.

but.. i’m guessing that’s not worth a whole lot.”

-i never had anything to lose until i had you. c.r.

there’s one thing i’ll never understand, though.

why, despite the millions of people who would love and cherish me as i did them, does my heart still want you and only you?

why does my heart yearn for someone who does not want me?

why does my heart desire to be broken?

-and why was it so easy for you to break it? c.r.

“i had a dream about you last night.

i was so scared that i’d missed my chance with you, but you held me in your arms and kissed me like no time had passed.

i was so happy.

then… i woke up.

i woke up to my cold, empty bed.

i woke up to you a thousand miles away, dreaming of someone else.

i woke up to the unique sensation of everything i’d ever wanted suddenly slipping away from me in the opening of an eye.”

-only in a dream is anything the way it’s supposed to be. c.r.

maybe it wasn’t meant to be.

maybe you were only in my life to teach me what love really meant, in fleeting, ephemeral moments

but god, how i wish it was

god, why can’t i stop thinking about what we might have been if it was?

-why can’t i stop loving you? c.r.

“because despite everything- despite the weeks i spent feeling neglected, despite how much you hurt me, despite the pool of resentment in my stomach directed towards you, despite the way you broke my heart - i still love you.

i still love you, and god knows i would do it all again.”

-i would break my own heart for you. c.r.

“how are you?” you ask.

how do i tell you that my heart aches every time i think of you?

how do i tell you that i cry myself to sleep every night, remembering you, knowing you’re not mine anymore?

how do i tell you that i’ve torn myself apart every day, trying to figure out what went wrong? trying to figure out what i did?

how do i tell you that i would walk blindly through hell and back to be by your side?

how do i tell you that even though you shattered my heart into a million and two pieces, i can’t stop loving you with every single broken one of them?

how do i tell you that you are the only person i’ve ever loved, and maybe the only person i will ever love?

i can’t- that’s the truth. i can’t tell you any of that.

so how am i?

“i’m fine,” i smile tightly. you don’t ask me to elaborate.

-i can’t tell you the truth. i never could. c.r.

do you still think about me?

do you think of the nights we spent talking for hours on end?

do you think of the moments when i’d remind you that i’d fight everything for you?

when i was still yours?

do you think of how much i would’ve given up for you and feel tears well up in your eyes?

do i even cross your mind?

-because i still think about you. every day. c.r.

what does it mean, that i still miss you?

what does it mean, that i still want to be yours?

what does it mean, that yours are the only eyes i dream of?

what does it mean, that i would do anything to go back and time and fix what we lost?

what does it mean, that i cannot fathom anything more painful than never again being yours?

what does it mean?

-what did any of it mean, really? c.r.

“and in the end, was it worth it?

wasshe worth it?

because i know you’ll never love anyone like you loved me.

but whether that’s a good thing-

or a bad thing-

remains to be seen.”

-was breaking my heart worth it? c.r.

theyanderegf-deactivated2020012:

I just want him to behappy.

it’s all I want.

so why does seeing them together make me want to die?

My edit

My edit

My edit

My edit

Remember Zendaya’s song, I think it was called “Replay”, does anyone still listen to that?

My edit

often times i found myself asking

how will i ever live without you?

what would become of me when you’re gone?

it’s terrible how fates can be

for now i know the answers.

when she came back into your life,

i know that i already lost the other half of my soul.

she was seared to your ribs

and tattooed across your heart;

she existed within the cracks of our relationship

and flourished under the raised voices.

i cannot even find it in myself to hate her;

to despise her for her return and

for the way she easily took you from me

because love,

my love,

she and i both exist to love you.

and it hurts, terribly so, that you have chosen her

over me

over us and the memories

and the life we have shared—

of the moments when you saw me at my worst

and brought me to my best,

of the times when your words were biting

and i reeled you back in—

but maybe this is how it ends.

this is how it ends.

— waltz