#mcu incorrect quotes
Loki Gives Peter Parker a Makeover
{Peter thinks that Loki is the most fashionable person he knows goes to him for advice on what to wear to an Avengers formal party. Loki being a diva went overboard and the Avengers ended up wondering how on earth did Peter end up looking like a mini version of Loki.}_________________________________________
Bonus: {At the Party}
Random Jerk (to Peter): Why are you dressed like that?
Peter(innocently): Like what?
Random Jerk: Like your going to a funeral. Why are you dressed like some one died?
Loki(the one who helped dressed Peter):Wait
Loki and Peter Parker’s Trip to the Carnival
{Peter tries to knock over a space ship in a carnival booth to win a prize but fails because the game is rigged}
Loki: What was that? He hit that ship. I saw it with my own eyes.
Jerk Vendor: Let me explain something to you. You see that little tin spaceship? You see how it’s not knocked over? Do you know what that means, wizard-man? It means you don’t get the prize!
Loki (seething): Okay, my turn.
{Loki charges up his scepter into a giant canon and blasts the booth to oblivion}
Loki: Knocked over!
{Loki hands Peter the stuffed bear he won for him}
Peter: Oh my gosh Mr Loki that was so awesome! You were all green and glowing and blew the whole the thing up!
Loki(smug, ruffles Peter’s hair): Come on little Spiderling, let’s go destroy all the blasted cheating games in this carnival!
Peter: Yeah! Woo Hoo! Let’s go!
{And that’s why the Avengers never allowed Peter and Loki to go to the carnival without Thor ever again}
Peter: Mr Loki I need your help!
Loki: What is ever the matter Spiderling?
Peter: Listen, I…I need a good lie.
Loki: Hm… How about feedom. (Peter looks confused) Freedom is life’s great lie. Once you accept that, in your heart, you will know…
Peter: No..nonono…I need a good lie to explain why I wasn’t at the decathlon meeting today.
Loki: Spiderling your a terrible liar.
Peter: Wha? No I’m not!
Loki: Oh really? Let me ask you something. Yesterday at the cafe we went to, I went to the bathroom, and when I came back, my muffin was gone. Who took it?
Peter: …Somebody opened the door…to the cafe … And a … Raccoon, came running in and went straight for your muffin I said “Hey! Don’t eat that! That’s Mr Loki’s!” and he said …….. He said “Peter, you stink at lying”. What am I going to do?
Loki(trying not to laugh): Don’t fret, Spiderling. We’ll come up with a good lie. I’ll even help you practice it.
Peter: Oh that’d be great. Thank you Mr Loki.
Peter Parker: Mr. Loki can you hit him with your knife?
Loki: …I believe the correct term is stab.
Loki Explaining His Friendship with Peter Parker to the Avengers
Loki: Thor, I didn’t understand why you cared so much about these dumb Midgardians until I befriend a Midgardian myself
Loki:(Picks up Peter and holds him close to his chest)
Peter::D
Loki: I’ve only known Peter Parker for a day and a half (takes out knife and waves it threatingly) BUT IF ANYTHING HAPPENED TO HIM I WOULD KILL EVERYONE IN THIS REALM AND THEN MYSELF
Peter:O_O
Other Avengers:Same
Loki:*picks up Peter Parker* Explain to me why you’re so cute.
Peter Parker::3
Loki:Interesting…
Loki:*smashes a window* Vandalism is wrong Peter.
Peter Parker:Okay.
Peter Parker: I’ll go with you, Mr Loki.
Loki: Spiderling no, I can’t risk anyone I care about getting hurt.
Thor: I’ll go.
Loki:Okay.
Peter Parker, after explaining his plan: You think that this is a bad idea.
Loki, smirking: Without a doubt.
Peter Parker: Then why are you smiling?
Loki: Because bad ideas are my favorite kind.
Loki: *laying face-down on the bed*
Peter Parker: Hey Mr Loki, are you okay?
Loki: *muffled* I just need a bit of a break from everything…
Loki: Including existing
Peter Parker: Alright, if that’s what you want.
Peter Parker: *plops face-down on the sofa next to Loki’s bed*
Loki: *looks up in confusion* What are you doing?
Peter Parker: *looks up at Loki* I’m taking a break from existing with you :)
Loki: *smiling softly* Thank you Spiderling :)
[Both of them lay face down in silence until Loki feels better]
Peter Parker: [comes home looking sad]
Loki: I WILL DESTROY EVERY ASPECT OF THE KNOWN UNIVERSE AND BURN WHATEVER REMAINS TO ASH IN ORDER TO BE SURE I ERADICATED WHATEVER HURT YOU…
Peter Parker: Can… I have a hug?
Loki, already hugging Peter: Oh, of course.
Peter Parker: Why is life so hard, Mr Loki?
Loki, comforting Peter: Don’t worry Spiderling, I know that this all seems unfair now.
Loki: But someday when you’re older and wiser, you’ll be able to look back on all this…
Loki: And get revenge
Peter Parker: Mr Loki, can you come to school with me tomorrow?
Loki: Why? What happened?
Peter Parker: I have an assignment to bring something important to me to school and I was hoping if you’ll go.
Loki, happily crying and hugging Peter: You’re important to me too Spiderchild!
Thor: Loki, can you…?
Loki:No
Thor: *walks out of the room and walks back in with Peter*
Peter Parker: Mr Loki, can you…? :D
Loki: Yes, of course sweet Spiderchild :)
Thor, sighing : … Really, Brother?
Loki: We’ll what did you expect, Thor?
Loki: How can I possibly say no to the Spiderchild’s adorable face!?
Peter Parker:*whimpering*
Loki: What happened!? Who did this to you!?
Peter Parker: Oh it’s nothing, Mr Loki. I just stubbed my toe on the door-
Loki: *already has a chainsaw* Which door?
Loki: Spiderling, what did I tell you about lying?
Peter Parker: To do it more often.
Loki: Exactly! I’m so proud of you!
Peter Parker, walking with Loki at the zoo: Let’s do something fun together, Mr Loki!
Loki, smiling: Very well, lead the way.
Peter Parker : Oh! How about we make some balloon animals?
Loki: Alright, but aren’t you scared of balloons?
Peter Parker : Pfft…no.Why would I be scared of balloons? I’ve fought villains who tried to kill me. These are nothing.
Peter Parker : *tries to tie balloon*
Peter Parker : *balloon pops*
Peter Parker : *unholy screaming*
Peter Parker : *clutches Loki’s arm*
Loki:
Loki, patting Peter on the head comfortingly: Let’s go look at the snakes.
[Loki ended up burning down the balloon stall while Peter was not looking]
Peter Parker: You believe me?
Loki: Spiderling, you’re the last and only good person on this planet. I’d believe you if you said cartoon birds braided your hair this morning.
Loki to the Rescue (Loki Helps Peter Parker Stop a Crime)
{A group of teenagers steal some money from the store. Spiderman thought they were just misunderstood so he tries to talk to them nicely to return the money, but they manage to escape while he was distracted. Loki intervenes}
Robber 1: You hit us with a car.
Loki: You hit the car with your bodies.
Loki: Now listen up you brats! The Spiderling is a good person. He believes in the good of people.
Loki: I don’t
Robber 2: M-my body feels cold…
Loki: It’s shutting down.
Loki: My point is, I don’t want my friend to lose his faith in people.
Robber 3: Okay, okay. W-we’ll return the money.
Loki, glares: You hooligans are going to do a lot more than that.
_________________________________________
{Back at the scene of the crime}
Robber 2: After we left, we thought about what you said, and we realized you were right.
Robber 3: Yeah, what we did was wrong.
Peter Parker:Really?
Robber 3:Yes.
Loki: *death glaring at the robbers*
Robber 1, sweating in fear: A-and you were right to see the good in us.
_________________________________________
{Later}
Peter Parker: Mr Loki, did you have something to do with that?
Loki: What? Me? No. Your faith in those low-lives has motivate them to do the right thing.
Loki: Now let’s get some ice-cream, you deserve it :)
Peter Parker::)
Learning How to Drive with Loki, Peter Parker and Steve
{Theory}
Steve: So, you’re driving and Thor and Peter walk into the road. Quick, what do you hit?
Loki: Oh, definitely Thor. I could never hurt the Spiderchild.
Steve, trying not to sigh: The brakes, Loki. You hit the brakes.
_________________________________________
{Responding to Hand Signals}
[after hijacking one of Tony’s cars to prove Steve wrong (obviously bringing Peter along)]
Loki: You see Spiderchild, I’m an amazing driver
[someone on the street flips Loki off]
Loki: I’m going to run him over, don’t tell the Soldier
Peter Parker: MR LOKI NO!
Loki: MR LOKI YES!
_________________________________________
{Reverse Gear}
[after running over the rude pedestrian]
Peter Parker: Is he dead?
Loki:No
Loki: (proceeds to run over the pedestrian again then drives off with Peter)
