dreaming of spring  ✨

Shop,Patreon,Books and Cards,Mailing List

Breast Cancer may have taken my breasts, my nipples, the body that I knew almost 6 weeks ago but it’s also given me strength. Today is the first time in over 3years I’m wearing a T-shirt in 96 degree weather. Why? After my lumpectomy in 2014 I was left disfigured due to all of the breast tissue that was taken along with the tumor. At that time I also had over 12 fibroadenomas in my breast (some classified as Giant and clearly visible) but in the words of my GYN last week “Thank God for those fibroadenomas” as without them my cancer would have still been in my body, aggressively growing. Friday will be 6 weeks since my double mastectomy with reconstruction. It’s been 6 weeks since I’ve worked out - do I feel bad about myself? Sometimes, not in a guilty way as in a “my body changed so rapidly in 6 weeks and I have no idea how to feel about it” way. It’s not easy seeing your body go from stronger and having muscles to all the loose skin/weakness and be okay with it as you’re not only recovering from surgery but EDNOS as well. I have to change the way I think when those thoughts come to me - I will get my strong(Er) body back, I’m doing what’s best for my body right now and letting it heal. I’m so thankful for what I’m now capable of mentally and how far I’ve come in just 6 weeks #mastectomy #breastcancer #fuckcancer #breastcancersurvivor #fightlikeagirl #recovery #anxiety #depression #agoraphobia #mentalhealth #ednos #realrecovery #edwarrior #foobs #bodypositive #bopo #loveyourself #girlswithtattoos
https://www.instagram.com/p/BnEkQunFmNW/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=1eqzts3ihnvtp

Today is one of the best days EVER! Not only is my plastic surgeon super happy with my healing but I don’t have to wear a bra 24/7 any longer! Freeing the foobs is such an amazing feeling, especially after wearing a sports bra 24/7 the last 5+ weeks! Of course I still am healing, I’m still bruised, the scars from my incisions are still red and the stitches are still prominent but I’m happy! I’m a breast cancer survivor and I can say this side of it all is so worth all of the pain, all of the depression, all of the anxiety. Life has dramatically changed - now healing 100% so I can get my muscles back I can and I will #mastectomy #breastcancer #survivor #recovery #fuckcancer #mentalhealth #fitness #hope #positivevibes #fightlikeagirl
https://www.instagram.com/p/BnB7Y0Vldff/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=1ga0wk0ph5nof

Tried pushing through today to find more leggings since I’ve fallen in love. I forgot it was still summer and I’m no longer freezing cold all the time like I was for a month post surgery (the only cold part of me are my actual foobs, very weird) The nerve pain in my ribs/under my foobs/in my back is intense, as it comes in waves and is enough to make me cry (which I didn’t do often before surgery). I’ve been wearing a bra 24/7 for 5 weeks and 2 days and I’m over it. At least I was able to do my eyebrows and wear my hair down though. Also, stopped by Vitamin Shoppe and got an Apple Pie @questnutrition bar that I’ve wanted to try Today is for relaxing in the AC, wishing it was fall as I sip on my pumpkin spice coffee and wishing I was recovered. My husband remind me “The bad days make you appreciate the good” which couldn’t be more true #mastectomy #breastcancer #recovery #breastreconstruction #postop #bopo #bodypositive #fightlikeagirl #positivevibes #pain #questbar #protein #edwarrior #mentalhealth #pumpkinspice #allblackeverything
https://www.instagram.com/p/Bm8-WBxF-SA/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=nhzy9mot69e1

Happy Friday (yes, I know this picture is from Monday but let’s be real I could never make myself look this good ‍♀️) This time 5 weeks ago I was in the operating room undergoing my Mastectomy with reconstruction. I can’t believe it’s been 5 weeks! Time seriously flew. Last week I was dealing with major depression, but I never chalked it up to being PMS. I was SO mad at my body when I got my period for the second time since being home from the hospital. I then turned my thinking to a positive - my body is properly functioning and even though my post Mastectomy periods are way more severe I am THANKFUL for my body being amazing On Tuesday I saw my GYN who referred me to my amazing breast surgeon - since my cancer diagnosis and history of cysts/lesions on my ovaries tests were ordered and even if anything small is seen, in the least exploratory surgery will be ordered This week I took a turn in my recovery - I’m bursting with energy now and feel like I’m ready to take on anything! I’ve also been challenging my agoraphobia and anxiety on a daily basis - not only have I been driving and going to appointments alone but I’m driving and exposing myself to going to stores alone! Also, I haven’t worked out in 5 weeks and I don’t feel bad about it one bit. I’ve accepted my body, I love my body for all it does for me. I like this new me #mastectomy #breastcancer #breastcancersurvivor #fuckcancer #fightlikeagirl #positivevibes #anxiety #agoraphobia #recovery #mentalhealth #adultswitheds #ednos #edwarrior #bopo #bodypositive
https://www.instagram.com/p/Bm3fKT0FOb5/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=gghjp4n6yn8s

I’m so thankful for my second chance. I let my anxiety, fear, and mental illness hold me back for far too long. It’s sad it took losing my breasts and a cancer diagnosis for me to realize this. I like this new me. Am I cured from my anxiety? Absolutely not, but I do realize now I have control and power over it. I can and do change the way I think and feel. I will never let anything hold me back in life again. I’ve found my strength, I am thankful - so very thankful. I can finally get the medical help I need because I can leave my apartment and drive to my appointments - which I did today. Today resulted in me not taking no for an answer, me asking for testing, and a possible exploratory surgery approaching. Am I scared? A bit, due to what the results will be but if I want to live I have to push and fight for myself. Do I still get anticipatory anxiety? Absolutely, but the mind is a beautiful, powerful thing and I can control it #mastectomy #mastectomyrecovery #breastcancer #mentalhealth #anxiety #agoraphobia #recovery #fightlikeagirl #positivevibes
https://www.instagram.com/p/BmwcEASF__w/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=awvij4ddpv7w

I keep my recovery honest - so here it goes. Today is another bad mental health day. I’m severely depressed. I’m in pain, I’m lonely (even when I’m surrounded by others, there’s that lonely feeling in this), I’m restless. Yesterday at the plastic surgeon, a picture of my new breasts were taken just as a follow up - even though they were still healing. At the time, I was shown the “before” picture of my breasts - my real breasts. Not that they were anything special - they were disfigured and trying to kill me. I mourned them. Those were my breasts for 31 years. My real breasts with nipples. Last night I had a dream (I barely dream) about those pictures, and my old nipples somehow being resurrected and put on my foobs. Clearly I woke up and realized this isn’t a reality - I’ll never have real nipples again, I’ll never feel that sensation again. I’m still in a positive mindset, but not being okay is okay. Mourning the loss of my old breasts is okay. I’ll be okay because this journey has made me stronger #mastectomy #mastectomyrecovery #breastcancer #survivor #mentalhealth #depression #bopo #bodypositive #recovery #fuckcancer #breastreconstruction #fightlikeagirl #depression #anxiety #positivevibes
https://www.instagram.com/p/Bmgh9r7FFz9/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=fg2s7ngrtf9k

As prescribed by my Plastic Surgeon. I have one week of using Santyl left then it’s on to the $105 bottle of Biocorneum That means no more surgical pads. I was cleared to start cleaning and doing small stuff today - I got so excited I over did it. The webbing from my axillary web syndrome is throbbing into my armpit where I had my lymph nodes removed and into my back. I realized I definitely need physical therapy so I called my breast surgeon for an appointment on Friday and to check up on my complications as well. My energy levels today are amazing, my mood is amazing. I am thankful.
#mastectomyrecovery #mastectomy #breastcancer #breastreconstruction #positivevibes #fightlikeagirl #fuckcancer #surgery #recovery #survivor
https://www.instagram.com/p/BmeQJ_ylMq_/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=cv2rl5bhcotw

Not aesthetically pleasing, but bored as he shops for work shoes This weekend has been bad in terms of pain, self doubt, etc. Today I not only put on leggings (which I just started wearing after my surgery because they were easy) but a crop hoodie as well! Two items of clothes I’d never thought I’d wear - especially together! Oh, and this backpack purse that I got for $15 at Walmart is amazing to carry my wallet, meds, and protein bar in since I can’t carry a regular purse for quite some time. $15 is actually a lot to spend on myself but it was essential, though I still feel guilty. Today, I choose happiness. Today was spent window shopping to distract me, Today was spent getting enough groceries for the week (this is rare for us)! Including some healthy low sugar snacks for me and of course Quest bars! I know everyday isn’t going to be good, I could feel horrible in an hour but I’m soaking up the good every second I can #mastectomy #mastectomyrecovery #breastcancer #fightlikeagirl #survivor #happiness #positivevibes #mentalhealth #bopo #bodypositive #recovery #edwarrior #anxiety
https://www.instagram.com/p/Bmq38oOlb1B/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=1g0f8tyhkhsna

There’s nothing “fun” about recovery. Recovery is boring, lonely, painful. Before my Mastectomy with DTI Reconstruction I was extremely active - I don’t enjoy sitting on the couch for hours or binge watching TV. I miss exercising, cleaning, baking. All of this on top of losing my breasts is taking a toll on my mental health. Sometimes I regret Reconstruction (no wonder I couldn’t make my mind up 100% until pre-op), it’s painful and uncomfortable. I worry all of the time about complications (necrosis, losing my implant - even though I’ve been a good patient) as I already have developed axillary web syndrome as well as a blood blister I have to religiously use Santyl on. My body doesn’t feel like my own. I’ve lost all of my muscle, I drink 8 cups of coffee to get through the day, I’m eating a ridiculous amount of protein to heal faster. I’m bloated, depressed, and just want to get back to my normal life - but better as I’m determined. Through all of this, I choose positivity

#mastectomyrecovery #mastectomy #breastcancer #depression #anxiety #mentalhealth #surgery #breastcancerawareness #fightlikeagirl #girlswithtattoos #breastreconstruction #recovery #survivor
https://www.instagram.com/p/BmbX3jxFn_w/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=ezitwk46n1ay

Recovery morning routine. I’ve actually washed my hair 5 days in a row - go me for keeping bacteria away! Routine is drying my hair while waiting for my skin to dry so I can put Santyl on a part of my incision that has a blood blister, wrapping it in Tefla pads then surgical pads and being confined to a bra from my lumpectomy in 2014 until my next shower. I have no shame in my incision scars, in my foobs, or in my body - they’re all proof of my strength. Tomorrow will be 3 weeks since my surgery. Recovery has been long, boring, depressing. I know resting is what my body needs. Although the thoughts are intrusive, especially since I’m not doing 2.5 hours of cardio or body weight training a day I am giving my body the nutrition it needs. I am grateful for days I do get out. I am grateful I’m healing well. I’m still staying positive and it’s changing my life. Thinking positive is keeping me going. My Mastectomy, my diagnosis of Cancer completely changed my way of thinking, of being, of reacting. In a way, I am thankful #mastectomy #foobs #breastcancer #breastsurgery
#breastreconstruction #recovery #mentalhealth #depression #anxiety #ednos #realrecovery #scars #fighter #survivor #edwarrior #fightlikeagirl #bodypositive #bopo #bopowarrior #loveyourself #fuckcancer
https://www.instagram.com/p/BmRlqtsl-fC/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=cexidk4w32e2

Today is the first time I’ve put on a T-shirt in over 2 years. My sister kindly brought over some shirts I can step into since I can’t put my arms over my head. We’re currently in the middle of a heatwave so that means a lot to me. Putting on the T-shirt didn’t make me feel insecure, it actually made me feel good about myself - I can wear a T-shirt again! I’m not confined to oversized hoodies and sweaters due to trying to hide my large tumor or disfigured breasts. I am thankful. I’m headed to my first doctor’s appointment of the week. Today, the pain is strong, I feel everything on my right side. Sometimes, I want to give up and as someone with BPD I’d be lying if I said I didn’t have suicidal ideation, but I refocus my thoughts on how lucky I am - lucky for this second chance, lucky for my family, lucky to have a roof over my head, lucky to have healthcare at this important time in my life. I will keep moving forward and being an advocate for my health - mental and physical #mastectomy #breastsurgery #breastreconstruction #breastcancer #breastcancerawareness #mentalhealth #mentalhealthawareness #depression #anxiety #recovery #realrecovery
https://www.instagram.com/p/BmJln1UlxOm/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=1p5886x42xkmn

Having a child should nevvvver stop you from following your dreams!!!
My first magazine (;
Go check me out on Facebook !!
Facebook.com/Jazmineejadee

And please reblog this photo… Invite all your friends to my page! Help me reach my dreams! (;

In January of this year (2022), I released a video about the 5 General Types of Dissociation. That video, at this time, has 829 comments! Ranging from personal experience with dissociation, or questions about dissociation, or just your thoughts about the forms of dissociation: maladaptive daydreaming, dissociative identity disorder, depersonalization, derealization and dissociative amnesia. If you don’t know these types, or have more questions like  what is dissociation ? or what is dissociation like ? or help with dissociation ? or what types of dissociation there are, that video can help answer those. Here I am just addressing the comments and the general themes I saw on that video. 

You can watch the full 5 General Types of Dissociation & How to Deal with Them here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FFxFjSCoD1Y

♡ recovery takes time ♡

I look forward to every morning for every reason big & small. #home #breakfast #bed #legs #fruit #healthy #recovery #instafood #photooftheday (at Home Sweet Home ✨)