#realrecovery
“Every adventure requires a first step.”
Cheshire Cat
Things I realised while in hospital, part 2
10) you cannot be defined by names or medical terms. You may be suffering from the same illness as someone else, but you are still completely different, and have your own individual story.
11) to not take everything so seriously. Life gets better when you learn to laugh at yourself a little.
12) good comes out of even the seemingly most awful situations.
13) it’s possible to get joy out of the smallest things which you never would’ve even thought of beforehand
14) I am not always right about everything!!
15) everything is being done in your best interest. Stop fighting it.
16) there is always hope. Always.
Things I realised while in hospital, part 1
1) there are some really good people out there. Everybody just wants to help. They are not against you.
2) it is okay to open up to people.
3) it is okay to show your emotions. It is HEALTHY.
4) talking helps. A lot.
5) to accept that there are some things you can’t change.
6) you always have more strength and resilience in you than you think you do.
7) time can seem to pass so slowly but you only get each day once so you might as well make the most of it.
8) people are more forgiving than you think. If you don’t want to talk because you’re having a bad day, that’s okay, and they won’t perceive you as rude or a bad person.
9) there is no quick fix. Recovery takes time.
Mothers
Honestly my mom is so incredible, I don’t give her enough appreciation or recognition. Obviously this post isn’t going to show her how much I appreciate everything she does, but maybe it will encourage me to let her know that she is out of this world. Honestly. While going through the worst time of her life, she had to watch her own daughter destroy herself, yet she still loves me, she never stopped. Every step of the way she is fighting harder even than i’m fighting, yet she is putting up with me at the same time, and doing every single thing to make me happy. And through all this, no matter how much it’s hurting her, she remains strong and she gets on with things and she keeps things going for my siblings too. Wow. I don’t envy being in that position one bit - I wouldn’t wish it on my worst enemy - but my goodness does she handle it well. So much love.
what is this
It’s probably pretty obvious but at this point I honestly have no idea what my blog is. Is it my diary? Is it inspiring words? Is it self help tips? Is it my story? Who even knows?
I apologise for the erratic nature of it, but let’s just go with it and hopefully I’ll get better at this one day ;)
If you have not already~ check out my blog’s ❣ MUST READ ❣ page.
Its packed with:
- Recovery articles answering your guys’ most frequently asked questions.
- Recovery articles covering some major recovery issues / topics
- Articles packed with tips, strategies etc. for an easier recovery
- ツ Subtle humor and sarcasm ツ
What truly is real in your life? Sometimes we are faced with harsh truths about our relationships, expectations, dreams, beliefs about out body or lifestyle, or even our core values. It is up to you tobeedefine your life. Take ownership, fond meaning, create your own reality that serves you.
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#mentalhealth #eatingdisorders #edrecovery #bodypositive #effyourbeautystandards #bopo #self-esteem #positivity #everybody #edrecovery #nourish #happiness #selflove #recovery #eatingdisorder #edsoldier #edwarrior #edfighter #strongnotskinny #nourishnotpunish #quotes #quoteoftheday #quotesaboutlife #quotestoliveby #recovering #eatingdisorderrecovery #anarecovery #realrecovery
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It takes a level of self love, dedication, and determination to live your greatest life. But guess what? Its oh so worth it.⠀
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#bodypositive #effyourbeautystandards #love #beautiful #allbodies #naturalyes #bopo #honormycurves #edrecovery #nourish #happiness #selflove #recovery #eatingdisorder #edsoldier #edwarrior #edfighter #strongnotskinny #nourishnotpunish #ed #anafighter #anawarrior #recovering #eatingdisorderrecovery #anarecovery #recoverywin #anorexiarecovery #foodisfuel #realrecovery #quote
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Bloated AF today. I hate summer - the heat, the humidity, the sunshine. Summer gives me seasonal depression. Holidays always bring out the worst in my ED brain and I lose it. I can’t accept that my weight is up a pound from Friday, even though I know it’s due to my body still regulating since surgery. I cannot logically accept the number on the scale at the moment. I still nourished my body with what it needs - my everyday “diet” (I hate that word) since surgery, but I can’t be around “unsafe” food in fear of binging (yes, even healthy food). I do not restrict, thankfully. I’m still able to get my 100g of protein a day, eat my dark chocolate M&M’s and enjoy the amount of complex carbs I’m allowed (literally, doctor’s orders) without guilt. I’m tired of hearing “You need to gain weight” - I would never make a comment about someone’s body/weight to them. You don’t know what someone struggles with, that comment triggers my ED brain - triggers me to want to lose more weight. Before surgery I ate way more calories (yes I track. ED behavior? Maybe or maybe because I’m concerned about my macros & making sure I get enough protein/fat/not too many carbs especially simple carbs for healing), I also worked out for 2.5 hours a day. I would do anything at the moment to just work out for 30-60 minutes without pain at the moment. I miss moving. I miss feeling “normal”. I’m in a better place mentally (panic disorder, agoraphobia, PTSD, BPD, EDNOS) overall since my Mastectomy/Cancer diagnosis, I challenge myself more everyday but today is a bad day and I can be open about it. I’ll make sure tomorrow is better - I didn’t go through all of this to end up with the slow suicide of an ED that’s already taken more than half of my life away from me. I’m stronger than this & I will win #mastectomy #breastcancer #breastcancersurvivor #ednos #edwarrior #adultswitheds #recovery #prorecovery #edrecovery #realrecovery #mentalhealth #depression #anxiety #ptsd #bpd #foodie #eatingdisorder #agoraphobia #fightlikeagirl #bopo #bodypositive #loveyourself #fuckdietculture #selflove #bodydysmorphia
https://www.instagram.com/p/BnPho1Tlt5u/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=lz5ed0wooq4g
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Breast Cancer may have taken my breasts, my nipples, the body that I knew almost 6 weeks ago but it’s also given me strength. Today is the first time in over 3years I’m wearing a T-shirt in 96 degree weather. Why? After my lumpectomy in 2014 I was left disfigured due to all of the breast tissue that was taken along with the tumor. At that time I also had over 12 fibroadenomas in my breast (some classified as Giant and clearly visible) but in the words of my GYN last week “Thank God for those fibroadenomas” as without them my cancer would have still been in my body, aggressively growing. Friday will be 6 weeks since my double mastectomy with reconstruction. It’s been 6 weeks since I’ve worked out - do I feel bad about myself? Sometimes, not in a guilty way as in a “my body changed so rapidly in 6 weeks and I have no idea how to feel about it” way. It’s not easy seeing your body go from stronger and having muscles to all the loose skin/weakness and be okay with it as you’re not only recovering from surgery but EDNOS as well. I have to change the way I think when those thoughts come to me - I will get my strong(Er) body back, I’m doing what’s best for my body right now and letting it heal. I’m so thankful for what I’m now capable of mentally and how far I’ve come in just 6 weeks #mastectomy #breastcancer #fuckcancer #breastcancersurvivor #fightlikeagirl #recovery #anxiety #depression #agoraphobia #mentalhealth #ednos #realrecovery #edwarrior #foobs #bodypositive #bopo #loveyourself #girlswithtattoos
https://www.instagram.com/p/BnEkQunFmNW/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=1eqzts3ihnvtp
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Accepting my body 19 days post Mastectomy. I felt good enough today to put on shorts (vs leggings) even though I’ve lost all of my muscle in my legs (see loose AF skin), as well as my stomach. I already have BDD so seeing my body change so drastically and quickly is hard - but I’m pushing forward. The swelling is still going down as the scale smacked me in the face today with over a pound of weight loss Eating disordered brained me would be ecstatic, rational me is scared. My appetite hasn’t been the best but I still force myself to eat all of the protein because I want to heal faster I’m hoping in 3 more weeks I’ll be cleared and able to start lifting as I miss my muscles (pretty sure that lifting will start with physical therapy to get my range of motion in my arms back), especially my upper body strength. I picked up a cold/infection from one of my many doctors visits so on top of recovering from my Mastectomy I’ve been sick. I’m still remaining positive though, life on this side is beautiful
#mastectomy #breastcancer #survivor #breastcancerawareness #mentalhealth #realrecovery #edwarrior #ednos #anxiety #fightlikeagirl
https://www.instagram.com/p/BmOyL_kFXUz/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=10f7mkjqgs5e4
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Recovery morning routine. I’ve actually washed my hair 5 days in a row - go me for keeping bacteria away! Routine is drying my hair while waiting for my skin to dry so I can put Santyl on a part of my incision that has a blood blister, wrapping it in Tefla pads then surgical pads and being confined to a bra from my lumpectomy in 2014 until my next shower. I have no shame in my incision scars, in my foobs, or in my body - they’re all proof of my strength. Tomorrow will be 3 weeks since my surgery. Recovery has been long, boring, depressing. I know resting is what my body needs. Although the thoughts are intrusive, especially since I’m not doing 2.5 hours of cardio or body weight training a day I am giving my body the nutrition it needs. I am grateful for days I do get out. I am grateful I’m healing well. I’m still staying positive and it’s changing my life. Thinking positive is keeping me going. My Mastectomy, my diagnosis of Cancer completely changed my way of thinking, of being, of reacting. In a way, I am thankful #mastectomy #foobs #breastcancer #breastsurgery
#breastreconstruction #recovery #mentalhealth #depression #anxiety #ednos #realrecovery #scars #fighter #survivor #edwarrior #fightlikeagirl #bodypositive #bopo #bopowarrior #loveyourself #fuckcancer
https://www.instagram.com/p/BmRlqtsl-fC/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=cexidk4w32e2
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Today is the first time I’ve put on a T-shirt in over 2 years. My sister kindly brought over some shirts I can step into since I can’t put my arms over my head. We’re currently in the middle of a heatwave so that means a lot to me. Putting on the T-shirt didn’t make me feel insecure, it actually made me feel good about myself - I can wear a T-shirt again! I’m not confined to oversized hoodies and sweaters due to trying to hide my large tumor or disfigured breasts. I am thankful. I’m headed to my first doctor’s appointment of the week. Today, the pain is strong, I feel everything on my right side. Sometimes, I want to give up and as someone with BPD I’d be lying if I said I didn’t have suicidal ideation, but I refocus my thoughts on how lucky I am - lucky for this second chance, lucky for my family, lucky to have a roof over my head, lucky to have healthcare at this important time in my life. I will keep moving forward and being an advocate for my health - mental and physical #mastectomy #breastsurgery #breastreconstruction #breastcancer #breastcancerawareness #mentalhealth #mentalhealthawareness #depression #anxiety #recovery #realrecovery
https://www.instagram.com/p/BmJln1UlxOm/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=1p5886x42xkmn
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Limbo.
Today was a long day, at least a long day for me - 2 weeks post mastectomy being out for 6 hours between doctor’s appointments. No real answers. The cancer did not make its way into my lymph node. I am thankful. I have doctor’s appointments everyday next week. Today, I am suffering in pain. Today I wasn’t prepared (like I was with my insane pre-surgery I had to schedule if I left home) and settled for Wawa’s hard boiled eggs vs a Quest Bar. Today I had an appetite which included a donut. I don’t feel guilty after barely getting by with eating the past two days. I wait for answers, I recover, I fight for my health.
#mastectomy #breastcancer #breastsurgery #breastreconstruction #fightlikeagirl #breastcancerawareness #mentalhealth #anxiety #depression #ednos #realrecovery #edfam #positivevibes
https://www.instagram.com/p/BmCaJXUFOz2/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=8r3gv26g0p50
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Today I am thankful. Today I let myself recover. Today I was able to take a walk. The fresh air was amazing. I am beyond thankful today is the last day of having these drains in. These drains that have caused me to sit sleeping up the past 10 nights. These drains that have caused me pain. These drains that I try to hide in oversized hoodies. These drains that caused me so much pain last night I was crying and hyperventilating (very rare for me). These drains that caused me to rush to the ER last night where my blood pressure was 155/103 (I usually run in the 90/60 range) which the nurse couldn’t believe he had taken it twice - all due to pain. I am very thankful to the ER doctor that was able to manipulate the drains and stop the pain. 12 hours and 30 minutes until these drains come out. Today was a bad body image day again, I miss exercise. I feel weak, I feel like not doing anything is not enough. This feeling is hard to overcome. I chose to wear the leggings and smaller hoodie again, exposing not only my drains but parts of my body I feel uncomfortable with. I am learning to accept my new life - whatever this may be, I am taking it day by day
#mastectomy #breastreconstruction #strongwoman #prorecovery #realrecovery #depression #anxiety #ednos #edwarrior #edfamily #mentalhealth #mentalhealthawareness #breastcancerawareness #fightlikeagirl
https://www.instagram.com/p/Bl4TZu6lrWz/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=ww1qqoq7e8io
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