#school crush

I don’t know much, K, but I do know:

I know your smile and how it shines when you talk about artwork. I know that you have a red car, a dog, and two sons. I know that you like ships and you don’t like coat hangers. I witnessed the first time you ever used a glue stick and I know that I’d keep it a secret on how bad you were at using it. I know that you are kind and sweet, and that you are good at picking people up when they are down. I know that you are a painter with great skill. I know that you like tea and you drink it out of big mugs. I know that I am one of your favorite students. 

And I know that I love you. I don’t know much, but I do know that. I don’t know very much about you, but I want to get to know you more. I want to love you not only for your kindness, charm, and humor, but for your sad and angry days as well. I want to know all of you. 

I love you.

For K:

Last night, when I was thinking of you at God knows what hour, I realized that perhaps, just perhaps, that you liked me too. Maybe I wasn’t just a student to you. 

Last time we saw each other in class, I had worn makeup and a cute outfit for the first time. I felt awkward and goofy, but I wanted to see if you noticed. Had you noticed? You were grading artwork that day and when you gave me back some work, the grade was an A, with the comment “Looking good!”. 

I just realized: did you mean I was looking good? Or my work looked good? I am so confused, K, and I need to know how you feel about me. I realized this last night. That you might’ve been complimenting me, not my art, and I’m so confused. K, I need to know. What do I mean to you? Am I another student to you? Am I something more? Whether that be a friend or something…more?

Please…

Hello everybody!! Ever since I found the teacher crush community, I felt at home <3 Before, nobody would talk to me about my feelings for my teacher(s) because they all thought I was weird or had a fetish. Or they just didn’t really care about how I felt. I felt so alone and scared, but then I found you guys <3 For the past few days, all I’ve thought about is K. Tomorrow is our last day together (the semester is ending tomorrow for us and I don’t have him next semester). I am scared about how the day is going to go honestly. I feel like I’m going to cry, but I feel like I won’t at the same time. But anyways, to the point of this post:

I found that the teacher crush community is a beautiful community full of helpful and kind people (for the most part). We all understand what each other is going through and it really helps to have those people to talk to. I’ve been trying to think of ways to give back to the teacher crush community and I think I have an idea!

I want to make a Teacher Crush Community YouTube collab channel, with preferably 3-5 other people who are a part of the community. We can share our stories, experiences, and give advice. Of course, you may be scared about people finding out about your crushes and you getting in trouble! That is totally understandable!! I’m thinking that in our videos, we can use either 

a) our TC’s first name initial (like mine is K) or if that’s too obvious

b) give our TC a fake name, like Bob or something lol

We’d each upload a video for one day of the week, which would be our specific day. For example, I chose to do Sundays, so I upload a video every Sunday. OR we can just upload a video whenever we feel like it. But I think it’d be more organized and fun if we each had a day that we made videos on, so people can look forward to the next person uploading the next day or something. Also, we can have weekly themes that each person of the collab channel does a video on. Like, the weekly theme is “What’s your TC like?” and you share. That might be a bit hard, so perhaps we could just each do individual videos without the weekly theme. Maybe a weekly theme could be “How to know if your TC has a crush on you” and we each share 2-4 different tips and at the end of our video, we reference the next video to happen, so people will be geared to see the next video for the next group of tips?? If that makes sense?

I found a Teacher Crush Community YouTube channel on YouTube, but it hasn’t been active for a while and was only run by one person. I think it’d be cool to have multiple people on a channel for multiple experiences and different advice! We could do Q and A’s and stuff like that! It’d be fun! <3 

If you’re interested, please message me!! I’d love to get together some friends from this community to work on this project together. We could exchange skips and stuff, for easier communication.

Just thought I’d share some of my favorite songs that remind me of K (or the teacher crush community in general)! <3

- I Was Made For Loving You // Tori Kelly ft. Ed Sherran
- Is There Somewhere // Halsey
- Moving On // Kodaline
- The Art Teacher // Rufus Wainwright
- Air I Breathe // Mat Kearney
- Skinny Love // Bon Iver
- YOUTH // Troye Sivan
- Overwhelmed // Tim McMorris
- Best Thing // Steve Moakler
- Heart To Heart // James Blunt
- Older // Birdy
- Distance // Christina Perri
- BLUE // Troye Sivan ft. Alex Hope
- They Don’t Know About Us // One Direction
- In Your Arms // Kina Grannis
- Ours // Taylor Swift
- Back To You // WILD
- This Is Why I Need You // Jesse Ruben
- I Don’t Care // The Runaway Club
- Best Shot // Birdy and Jaymes Young
- Love Love Love // Avalanche City
- Heart Like Yours // Willamette Stone
- Like Lovers Do // Heather Nova
- Why Can’t I? // Liz Phair

I want to be able to tell people I love you. I want to be able to shower you with acts of kindness and affection without it being ‘unprofessional’ or 'unacceptable’. I want to be able to hold your hand without disgusted stares or ugly words. I want to be able to tell YOU that I love you. I want to be able to tell the whole world I love you.

But I can’t. Because it is unprofessional and I am just another student to you. So I’ll walk away knowing you changed my life for the better and wishing it could’ve been different between us.

Hey guys! I have received some very nice comments on my latest post about being FTM Trans and that just makes me so happy <3 Thank you for your support, it means a lot! I have been dealing with a lot in terms of accepting myself and honestly, I still don’t. I don’t want to be trans, I don’t want the dysphoria. I want to be a normal girl. I’ve gone through conversion self-therapy, where I’ll force myself to wear makeup, look feminine, and wear my old, feminine clothes. I try so hard, but it always just makes it worse. Not only do I do this sort of ‘therapy’ on myself, I also have a boyfriend who’s straight. Yes, I know. Many of you didn’t know I actually have a boyfriend, while also having a crush on K. My boyfriend (I’ll call him M) is straight and would probably eventually dump me if I transitioned with hormones and whatnot. 

He wants us to get married someday and possibly have a family. But, how could we, if I was a boy? I don’t think we could. I love him very much, and I love K too, but being trans has caused so many problems. It’s not like it’s a choice, but I can at least try to be more feminine, in attempt to ‘convert’ myself. It’s not very good for my health, I realize, but I feel like that’s the only way…

Transitioning costs a lot as well, and I just don’t have that kind of money. I feel like it’d be better if I just tried to be a girl. It’ll be hard, but it’ll save me money and save me heartbreak (if M were to break up with me). Anywho, I’m rambling on. I’ll most likely post sometime later. 

imustprofess:

Reblog this if you are in the tcc and are in college! Looking for new blogs to follow and people to talk to!

I don’t think you will fully understand what you mean to me. You once said rules were meant to be broken and honestly, every time I was around you, I was afraid of saying something or doing something that would cross a line or break a rule. I was so afraid that you found me crying outside the classroom and you sat outside with me for what seemed like a few blissful minutes, but I knew it was longer than a couple minutes. It was more like 10-15 minutes and it astounds me that you’d rather take that time to help me feel better than teach your class, who was taking an important test that day. It astounds me. You astound me. You confuse me and complete me and make me happy. You know why I skip around class all cheerfully? You know why I smile and laugh and actually let myself to show my classmates the true me? Because you’re there. You’re there and although you’re not always by my side during class, your presence is enough to make me undoubtably happy. You make me happy. You helped me that one tearful day with those gentle words. “You’re one of my favorite students…” and “You’re always so happy during class…” and “You intrigued me right from the start. I kept an eye on you…”. That’s what you said to me. That’s what you said to me that one day where we sat outside the classroom, just the two of us. Just the way it should be.
Just us.

“I know Sarah’s brilliant.” he said, smiling next to my friend who was gushing over me. He looked at me with that smile I love and I felt like my heart was pounding so loud, everyone could it it’s beat.

A few minutes later and he made me blush again.

“Should I talk to you about my project idea? We’ve spoken about it before, but since you wanted everyone to come up and discuss their projec-”
“I love talking to you, so come up and talk with me anyways.” he said, grinning and shining his beautiful eyes towards me.
I felt my heart skip a beat this time and all of a sudden, it stopped. I couldn’t feel anything but pure joy and love for this man. I loved him, and I’m sure he knew…

–

This happened to me today in class. He said I was brilliant…me, brilliant? Me, the girl who always messes thing ups. Me, the girl with the dirty hair and the crooked glasses. Me. He said he loved talking to me. I can’t believe it

why do we even bother playing games? what if i dont want to act cold towards you in hopes of you noticing me? can i just be obvious with my feelings? im so tired of games.

even though life can get sad and overwhelming sometimes, the thought of us existing in the same universe feels comforting. knowing that we’re living and thriving underneath the same sky makes me feel closer to you even when we’re not speaking to each other. i wonder if we ever looked at the moon at the same time. have you ever wished that i was right next to you? sometimes i think the world is too big for you to be my only person but i truly believe that you are.

thanks for teaching me how to fall in love and what its like to be loved back.