#spilled dreams
He acts as if it was easy to let him go, but he never saw the claw marks I had left all over his skin.
That must be the most bizarre part about falling for a friend. I don’t think I ever really “fell in love with you” in the traditional sense. I think my heart actually loved you this entire time, it just took my brain awhile to catch up and say, “This is it, this has been the one you’ve been waiting for.”
I fell asleep and into your arms
Lying there luxuriating in bed
In each other; raptly willing to watch those eyes
–More than anything any app could stream–
Surface rippling rivetingly
Intimating all that teems beneath
Yet somehow riveted on me
Heart-racing soul-stirring
Embracing as the flame burns hotter
Stroking innocently until the intent
Gains in momentum, in urgency
Only we’re not alone, witnesses surround
So we furtively glance around tickling
Ears with our murmurings
Plotting to sneak away…our stares
And sighs asking, why wait?
They matter too but not as much
As we do, as our untamable
Urges do, at this moment
If this be no more than a one-time
Wonderful dream detour
Another almost–but a bittersweet
Tantalizing taste
Would it be better preserved
That way or a crying shame waste?
Will I ever even have a say
When awake?
Don’t mean to be crude
Or intrude but I can’t keep it in
Can’t quit thinking of you
Your eyes mesmerize my days
So how could they not pierce
Through gauzy nights?
Emblazoned pleasingly on the inside
Of mine shut tight an enticing interlude
Until we can resume our intense
Contact–where my cloudy blues
Can marvel at your velvety browns
And all they exude: soulful
Yet with an unmistakable impish
Sheen irresistible a charming prelude
To danger but of the best kind
Usually play it safe now don’t mind diving
Head first to find what goes on behind
The humor, insight, even deepest
Channels of your mind…until then
Fantasizing in the dark
Your eyes the spark leading
Me breathlessly to a rendezvous
With the arresting
Rest of you
I dreamt you
No you’re real
Still I don’t know you well
Most especially not the way you came
To me in my dream state
How to put into words something
So no-holds-barred passionate
Frenzy escalating at a just-right rate?
Pulsating with need, freed from
Everyday brain-numbing constraints
Delirious yet decidedly lucid
Abrading yet making every ache better
Via ecstatic escapades; exhaltations
In every exhalation escaping trembling
Lips loosened easily–volume rising
With each vibration from you to me
Enough to quake me awake wondering
Why you and why in this unexpected way
Is my subconscious playing dirty
Tricks on me? If I go to bed
And you meet me there
Another go-round would be
Icing on the cake
You returned to me
Recently in a dream
Wearing endearing earnestness
Smile like a secret let out
Wistfully asking me to remember you…
As if I could ever forget…
Even when I want to. Like trying to sleep
Through the night without waking
Again with you nowhere known
To me, alone; you long moved on
Within me daily wars are waged
Against your memory
I’ve lost yet another round
Even reminders of the good times
Bring stinging tears to my eyes so why
Would I want to remember anything?
Maybe one day I will get to a place
Where I can behold a sunny day
And not see your face (making mine
Wet with drops of pain) and perhaps
Not question if it was all a bad mistake
But this heart needs more time to heal
From decimated dreams that once felt
Oh so real…reality still the chill
Churning through my veins
I try in vain to shake
