#toxic love

Te detienes un segundo a pensar ¿qué mierda estoy haciendo? ¿En qué momento de mi vida comencé a sentirme tan mediocre, en qué momento te conformaste con los residuos de amor de alguien, porqué no te sentías tan incómoda como para marcharte?

Fácil, cuando es el único tipo de amor que conoces, te quedas, te sientes afortunada y te auto destruyes tratando de conservar el poco amor que tienes.

Patético.

And the monster said to her, “he’ll be yours, my love. All it’ll cost is everything you are.”

Excerpt of a book I’ll never write

Maybe you don’t put a steel blade to your wrist, but you constantly guilt yourself over a past that eats you alive.

Maybe you don’t abuse drugs, but you go from toxic relationship to toxic relationship because you weren’t taught any other form of love.

Maybe you don’t pop pills, but you drown yourself with liqour and parties because you’re too afraid to be alone with your thoughts.

Maybe you don’t have a traumatic past, but depression consumes you and you feel it isn’t valid because you’ve “had a good life.”

And maybe you haven’t tried to kill yourself, but you don’t feel alive either.

Self-harm, like abuse, is not just physical. It’s in your thoughts, your lack of action, and things much less visible. Treat your mind as your friend, if you wouldn’t tell your friend that she was worthless, ugly, and messed everything up, catch yourself when you do the same.

She always did go for the sad boys. The ones with sunken eyes and a slow heartbeat. Some might say she had a healing complex, but I don’t think it was quite that simple. Perhaps, instead, it was so she’d be focused so much on taming their demons that she could neglect her own for awhile. It wasn’t because she thought she could heal them, but because she was afraid she couldn’t heal herself.

He acts as if it was easy to let him go, but he never saw the claw marks I had left all over his skin.

If a boy gives ya mixed signals skrrrt and get tf off that goddamn road

How can parents confidently yell at their children for no reason? I can’t even raise my voice while talking to anyone.

Tú me hiciste sentir que no importaba lo que yo hiciera, al final del día nada sería suficiente.

Alexander Alay.

Nos hacíamos daño, pero en la cama encontrábamos un poco de anestesia. ¿Qué relación tan tóxica, no?

Alexander Alay.

I think the actors doing their characters were just brave. There were so many lovers here. Toxic relationships through the road to certainty. My most favorite lovers here were Sol and Ji-Wan. They’re problematic as well yet cute. I love how the butterflies were associated to the man’s character and how the leading lady got the name Na-Bi. Pretty genius. Nevertheless, this drama is too weak. I didn’t feel any emotions. It’s realistic and unrealistic at the same time hmmm.

Nevertheless (2021)

Dear ▇▇▇,

You have no idea how many nights I’ve spent crying over you. We used to talk everyday but now I can barely remember what your voice sounds like, you don’t answer my texts either. You only ever speak to me when you need to vent, I feel so used. That doesn’t matter, I still love you even if it’s wrong ❦

Dear ▇▇▇,

The way you give me attention and affection so unpredictably makes me miss you even more. Everytime I see your name pop up on my screen I immediately forget how miserable I feel and become even more desperate for you. Can you feel it too, the kind of pain made out of real love?

Dear Diary,

You know those times when there’s a really significant event in your life and so your abuser reaches out to you but you have to be nice to protect yourself?

Dear Diary,

I am greatful for my depression. If I hadn’t experienced such awful things in life then I would never know true happiness.

Dear Diary,

Apparently I’m too young to know abuse.

Dear Diary,

I was stupid for believing I could accomplish anything, my pathetic life isn’t heading anywhere.

Dear ▇▇▇,

I hate you for making me miss you so much. Your hurtful words chip away at my soul yet I still think about you everyday at least a thousand times or more. Use me, abuse me I still miss you. You say you love me the most but you treat me like I’m never there. I crave you, i’ll do for your attention.

I try so hard to be worthy of love

But deep down I know

I’m too far gone

To make the healthier choice

My heart craves the toxic love

That comes from abuse

My mind fails to reject

The stability of caos

I want to stay

In the eye of the hurricane