#writeblr
i’m so fucking scared that i’m going to be forever alone, that nobody will love me the way i love you.
m;s;h
it’s like i’m being held underwater, able to see and hear everything around me, while silently spluttering and gasping for air, drowing in my own thoughts.
‘what does anxiety feel like?’
m;s;h
you were open mouth kisses and warm embraces, racing pulses and fumbling hands, my everything and nothing at the same time.
m;s;h
you promised me sunsets
and roses,
clear skies and
soft kisses.
you swore to give
me the universe,
to never feel
short of love,
with a warm bed and
full heart.
i never cared for the
superficial,
put me in the biggest
mansion and all i’d still
want is the key to your heart.
you never understood
that i didn’t want sunsets
and roses,
don’t want the whole universe
and clear skies,
that all i reallt want is you.
m;s;h
i’m starting to think you never loved me, because you don’t treat the people you love like gum on your fucking shoe, an inconvenience to your day.
m;s;h
the truth is that i cared about you more than i cared about myself and i think that’s where we went wrong.
m;s;h
i see you in my dreams, my nightmares and everywhere in between, but do you even think about me at all?
m;s;h
you could have your hands wrapped round my throat, squeezing until i see stars, and id still use my last breath to tell you how beautiful you are.
m;s;h
you planted flowers
in the gaping hole in my heart,
a collection of colours
with the sweet smell of
roses and daffodils and
they were so beautiful.
but then you left,
giving them no choice
but to rot and decay
and now all that’s
left is this sickening
feeling of death.
m;s;h
i’d rather be angry that you left than admit that i’m lonely without you
m;s;h
what did i do in
a past life to deserve this,
this pain, this anger,
this torture?
am i cursed,
doomed to spend
eternity teetering
on the edge of happiness,
never really content.
will i ever step out
from the shadows,
show my truth form
to someone,
get the love i deserve.
m;s;h
you cloud my mind
like the cigarettes you smoked,
blurring the line
between sane and insanity,
fogging my ability
to be rational and realistic,
unable to stop myself
from running to you.
m;s;h
you asked me what it’s like when l feel anxious, when i feel like i’m reaching my breaking point, when it’s hard to wake up in the morning.
how could i possibility tell you that it feels like a hand is grasped around my throat, with each passing minute getting tighter and tighter and i can no longer breathe, gasping for air.
how can i possibly explain how it feels like a weight on my body, each worry and insecurity slowly piling on until one day i’m scared my back will break in, that i will no longer be able to carry this dense feeling, and be forced to collapse and give up.
but most of all, how would i possibly look you in the eyes and say that on my days or weakness, when i can barely breathe or stand, you’re my light in the darkness. that being with you, thinking of you helps the pain better than any drug ever could and i don’t think you’ll ever understand how much you’ve saved my life.
m;s;h
Μπορείς.
Μπορείς να γράψεις, να τραγουδήσεις, να κλάψεις, να αγαπήσεις, να ζωγραφίσεις, να γελάσεις, να εκφραστείς, να μαγειρέψεις, να μιλήσεις, να τσακωθείς, να αγκαλιαστείς, να απογοητευτείς, να ερωτευτείς, να δημιουργήσεις, να νιώσεις, να ζήσεις. Κι εσύ είσαι στο instagram.
Όχι δεν είναι η ζωή ούτε μικρή ούτε άδικη. Εμείς είμαστε αχάριστοι.
Ερωτεύεστε;
Πάτε σε βιβλιοθήκες; Βρίσκετε ενδιαφέρον σε κάποιον από το βιβλίο που κρατάει; Φλερτάρετε πρόσωπο με πρόσωπο; Ανταλλάσετε τηλέφωνα; Λέτε αυτά που νιώθετε; Χαμογελάτε; Κοιτάτε τ’ αστέρια; Αγκαλιάζεστε σφιχτά; Φιλιέστε πρώτα με το βλέμμα κι ύστερα με τα χείλη; Ερωτεύεστε σαν άνθρωποι; Ή σαν instagramers?
for every 1 book i finish off my TBR, i somehow add 5 more ???
“Assurance”
Tw: Mild Argument.
Ocs: Kasey (Mine) & Nick (Tabs)
A/n: I am not sure what to say for much context besides I borrowed @whump-cafe Oc Bastard Nicolas and wrote a lil bit of Nick & Kasey (Echo) soft.. sorta, It ends that way.
I also heavily fought with myself for 3 hours wondering if I was even going to post this but sure.. why not.
× × ×
Echo tightened her grip on the edge of the pillow pulling it firmly against her face, trying effortlessly to smother the embering frustration deeply seeded within her.
She let out a heavy, muffled sigh while slowly moving her arms across the pillow, holding it down more tightly against her face, bringing her knees up into the air, feeling a faint knot in her stomach.
‘This is Kaitlyn, whom I hoped would be my future daughter-in-law.’
She thought to herself, mocking Amelia’s earlier comments bitterly.
'God! What a pretentious bitch. Tch. If she wants Katy in her fucking family so badly, she should just marry the brat herself. I’m sure they’d be perfect together’.
Echo gritted her teeth lightly while throwing the pillow to the side of the bed In frustration, staring up at the ceiling while narrowing her eyes a bit.
'I’m sure it’s only a phase anyway. I couldn’t see this lasting long term–’
“Ugh— Why is this bothering me so much?”
She interrupted herself after a moment, speaking out loud while sitting up, glaring at the window to her right.
The room was quiet, besides the faint ticking of a clock sitting on the nightstand.
But a faint tension lingered while she kept her focus on the thin rays of sun shining through the thin curtains while moving her arms around her legs, pulling her knees slightly to her chest while resting her chin down.
'Why the hell can’t Amelia just butt the fuck out of our lives? Jesus christ.. She’s not going to push me away. I know it’s her thing or whatever— but she makes it so much more stressful than it needs to be. Give me a break.’
She felt a softer sting of hurt, almost a fainter rejection in a sense, as she closed her eyes after a moment, getting lost in deeper thought.
She was so lost that she failed to hear Nicolas open the door after several or more minutes had passed.
He watched her with a faint curiosity while walking closer towards her, feeling a softer worry while getting closer.
“Kasey…?”
He spoke cautiously at first, not wanting to startle, or scare her, but after a moment or so of no response, he raised his voice lightly, with more firmness behind it.
“Hey, Kasey.”
“Hm?”
She looked over to her left a bit, seeing Nicolas now sitting beside her, watching her with a light worry in his eyes.
“Sorry, guess I zoned out or something.. What’s up?”
“Kasey, you’ve been up here for over an hour now..”
“So? It’s not like it’s that unusual or anything.”
“For you, I would have to disagree with that statement. I would say it’s a bit out of character.”
“Well good for you. I want to be alone. Is that a crime now, Mr. Lawyer?” She spoke with a faint snarkiness in her tone while narrowing her eyes at him lightly before turning her head away back towards the window.
Nicolas raised his brow, faintly stunned by her response, while shaking his head, letting out a faintly annoyed sigh while getting back up.
“I can see you are doing just fine if you can keep the attitude up.”
“Really? Tch, Don’t patronise me Nicolas, I’m not a child.”
“Well with how you have been acting recently, you could have fooled me.” He crossed his arms in front of himself while narrowing his eyes lightly at her, though it wasn’t entirely in a hostile or aggressive way.
“Oh sorry, now I’m acting too childish for you, huh?” She looked back at him suddenly while furrowing her brow a bit, feeling a faint wave of anger.
“I never said that, Kasey. What has been going on with you lately?”
“Nothing, I said I just wanted to be alone alright? Jesus.”
Echo snapped dryly while getting up after a moment, moving towards the dresser while grabbing her hoodie and slipping it on.
Nicolas watched her a bit before shaking his head lightly to himself as he stepped forward, blocking her path towards the door, watching her expression turn to a more angry one as she stopped a bit in front of him.
“Nicolas. I am not in the mood for this bullshit right now, Move.”
“Not until you tell me what’s been bothering you. Then you can go wherever it is you want to run off to.”
Echo growled slowly while she glared up towards him while shifting a bit to move past him, but before she could make it full around him, she felt a firm grip on her forearm, making her clench her jaw tightly, feeling a stronger sting of anger.
In a sudden motion, she turned, pulling her arm free from his grip while moving her hands in front of herself and shoving him back from her, watching him stumble momentarily, though catching his balance quickly, giving her an even more annoyed look.
“Leave. me. Alone! Jesus, why is that so hard for you to understand? I don’t want to talk to you about your stupid fucking ex-girlfriend or your bitch of a mother—or how she can stay out of our lives—”
She paused suddenly while staring at Nicolas with lightly wide eyes before stepping back a bit more, softening her expression faintly for a moment before tightening her hands into a firm fist, stomping her foot firmly on the ground while glaring at him in a more hurt tone.
“Or how you literally did nothing to her sucking up to you In front of me! Do you understand how that makes me feel– Don’t even answer because I know you fucking don’t!”
Nicolas watched her more speechless, in a bit of a stunned state, processing what she said while frowning lightly.
“Kasey I am.. I didn’t know it affected you this much.”
“You didn’t know, that’s the best you can come up with right now? "How the fuck would you feel if my ex came over and started being nice to me while cutting you down to shit– You’d lose it, and don’t you dare tell me otherwise.”
He stayed quiet for a moment, knowing that she did raise an honest point, before slowly letting out a sigh before stepping closer to her, moving his hands on her shoulders lightly.
Echo tensed faintly while narrowing her eyes, glancing up at him, crossing her arms, staying still.
“I am.. not sure what they, or she alone, may have said to you for you to become this upset.. but I assure you it is not true, and I can promise you that you have no need to worry about Kaitlyn, at all. There is a reason why I am with you right now and not her.”
Nicolas spoke in a softer, more sincere tone while keeping his eyes focused on Echos.
She kept her gaze on him, loosening her arms a bit, though still hesitant per se.
He stayed a bit quiet while stepping back, lightly pulling her towards the bed while sitting down with her, looking over at her in a more comforting, warmer way with a more genuine tone.
“Kasey. I do very much want you to know and understand that.. I do want to be with you, which is why I am despite what some people think. I..”
He paused briefly while gazing deeper into her eyes, smiling a bit faintly while continuing.
“I love you, Kasey.. a lot, and I hope you believe me when I say that..”
Echo stared at him with wider eyes, feeling more speechless herself, while easing up a little more, dropping her arms after a moment.
“Damn It, Nick.. You know.. Trying to be mad at you now is about 10x harder.”
She smiled lightly while sighing more, leaning towards him, resting her head on his shoulder while feeling his arm wrap around her shoulders.
“I know.. I assure you it is intentional.”
“Oh shut up..” She looked up at him a bit, staying quiet for a few moments before shaking her head lightly, relaxing against him.
“But.. I love you too, Nick, which is why that whole interaction was so annoying.. to be honest.”
“Mh.. Yes, I can understand that.. and I am sorry for not saying anything, or more, I suppose.”
She shrugged lightly while turning a bit more, moving her arms around him while crawling onto his lap, resting her head against his neck a bit.
“Does it really make a difference now? But, can you just—next time try?”
Nicolas nodded lightly while moving his arms around her more closely and securely, lightly caressing her back with his hand.
“Mhm.. I will.”
Echo leaned against him a bit more, letting out a softer content sigh, relaxing a little more while smiling softly. Feeling him lightly shift to kiss the top of her head.
There’s so much peace and joy in seclusion, but at times, my bruised heart, my frenzied mind and my tormented soul need more. When words are not enough to distract me, and the tear-soaked pillow cannot silence my sobs, and the paper just can’t hold all that I need to pour out, I know my heart longs- for the warmth of true love, for the ears that I’d love to whisper in, for the arms that can hold me before I know I’d fall apart, for the voice that comforts me on those nights when silence haunts me at 3 am, for someone to be there when the grief buried within me starts burying me. Perhaps, these are moments of need- for a soul to confide in, to wrap me around and let me feel safe and sound.
@sparkandashes
I wanna pop into the inboxes of as many writeblrs as possible. Could you reblog this if you don’t mind me coming to say hi?
ngl i dont think it’ll ever not feel weird to get ppl asking me for writing advice. like yes i did write a 300k word book but also all my writing “education” was high school english class and forum RPs
