Please Help My Partner Leave Her Abusive Stepfather!
My name is Snark. My partner Moonie and I have been separated since the start of the pandemic. Only physically, mind you, as we’re just as in love as ever. I originally came home to my family in Ohio to help out with one emergency, only to get stuck here. Since then a lot has happened. I’ve been hospitalized twice from anemia, told I need surgery for my hiatal hernia– the cause of my anemia– and just in general have had difficulty surviving.
This plea, however, isn’t about that. I wouldn’t be asking for help if it weren’t for Moonie’s sake.
My wife just lost her mother to cancer. It has been a battle for months, and on Halloween she passed. Since then she has been alone in the middle of a small town in Pennsylvania with her step-father. That man is an inconsiderate monster. He’s an alcoholic, he leaves her alone to fend for herself for long stretches of hours at a time, and sometimes will just feel like not wanting to take care of anything and just bounce. Only thing he ever puts effort into is making her life more inconvenient.
My wife Moonie is also disabled. Her mother was the one who has had control of her finances and was her guardian as she’s been disabled since childhood.
She is now not able to even get into her bank accounts because it was under her mother’s name. Social Security offices are full right now, pushing back dates on all appointments, not only hers. Moonie is alone, grieving from losing her support system, her mother, and is alone with a man that mistreats her.
I want to fix that and move her to my mother’s home in Ohio.
As I said before, I am also disabled. Have been since my 9 back surgeries in 2005. At 13 years old. We’re both dumb adults who know nothing about life, but love each other dearly. I have saved up a 1000 dollars, but that isn’t enough. Moonie needs to be out of there now.
This is why we need your help.
I want to raise an additional 3000 dollars so we can do the cross state trip. That is 9 hours there, then 9 hours back. We need a moving company to help with getting our things.
What your donation will be going to:
Moving Men to load our stuff and take it from PA to OH
Gas
Food
Getting an additional driver
It is a lot of money for something that, in text, seems so simple. I know, and I wouldn’t turn to you guys for help unless I didn’t think this was vital. My mother is helping with the move, she will be helping us with switching our SS information to Ohio where we can start the process of grieving and healing. But we just don’t have the finances and energy to do this alone.
Thank you all again for listening. I know not everyone can help with money, even a dollar can be hard to spare at times, but even spreading the word will be appreciated.
Please reblog and help reunite Moonie and I together again.
TLDR:Disabled Partner stuck with emotionally abusive alcoholic stepfather. Need money to move her to us before Christmas.
Snark is an old friend and a wonderful person, and I’m sure Moonie is as wonderful as Snark is. Please donate if you’re able, or share to spread the word.
It just pisses me off that my parents purposely screwed me over, never teaching me any valuable life skills & abusing & neglecting me until I was scared of everything, all because they wanted a perfectly obedient live-in servant. And when I finally started to advocate for myself, they realized they’d failed and tried to kill me.
So much of being an abused kid is growing up to redefine your childhood.
And I’m not only talking about finally seeing your situation for what it was. I’m talking about reclaiming parts of your identity too.
So many of us had our ‘favorite things’ robbed from us. SO many of us were assigned a favorite color, favorite animal, favorite toy…We didn’t get to make that choice for ourselves. Our abusers tried to construct us into who they wanted us to be. It’s time to take back being you.
If you’re living in an abusive home & aren’t able to leave or aren’t ready yet, it’s perfectly okay & there is nothing wrong with you for staying put & waiting it out.
It is often safer to stay put, gather your resources & keep a roof over your head until you are ready to go.
It does NOT make you ‘weak’ or 'lazy’ or 'not trying hard enough.’
It’s okay to process your situation at your own pace.
It’s just so strange being at a point when you realize you’re far more emotionally mature than your parents ever were & all the abusive behavior now has context.
They stopped maturing at an early age. They still solve problems by throwing tantrums and lashing out. They’re emotionally stuck as toddlers, maybe teenagers, at most. And they make no effort to improve themselves.
It’s just sad.
Because they’re stuck like that.
Don’t get me wrong, it’s no excuse for abusive behavior. I did my years of being furious at them. I know forgiveness is useless because they’re dangerous & I’m smart enough to keep my distance. But I’m at a point where I feel bad for them. Because they’re unstable and they don’t want to get better.
One awful thing about being raised by abusive parents is that they don’t teach you basic social etiquette & they isolate you so you can’t learn.
For years, maybe even decades you might do things that are rude, mean, or have bad connotations & you have NO clue because no one corrects you.
Everyone raised in a good home assumes it’s your nature to be weird & rude so no one says anything out of fear of confrontation. And when someone DOES say something, it’s almost never somebody who corrects you gently. It’s almost always someone who explodes at you.
Then you get confused as to whether you’re actually wrong or that person was just a jerk who likes to yell at people.
Only after I realized how seriously abusive my family was, did I understand that others thanking their own families for “love & support,” wasn’t just some cheesy gesture.
It never dawned on me that other parents are a very real safety net for their kids & not demons behind closed doors.
People think I’m weird, because I’m always quiet and do “weird” stuff they don’t understand.
But if they only knew. If they only knew what’s going on in my life, they would understand.
They would understand why I’m always quiet. They would understand, because my mom always told me to shut the fuck up and that everyone hates me anyways.
They would understand why I do “weird” stuff. They would understand, because i need to do some stuff to cope with my mental illness, to get through the day.
My mom always says that I’m crazy and that there’s something seriously wrong with me. And that she hates the way I am and wishes she had a different, better daughter.
This may sound weird, but am I the only one who, sometimes, doesn’t want to get better?
Sometimes i think my mental illness makes me the way I am, almost like an personality of me and if I’m getting better, I feel like losing a part of me.
please remember that you are the only person that gets to decide that your trauma doesn’t/shouldnt affect you anymore. nobody is allowed to say your pain is gone but you. nobody is allowed to decide you’re over your trauma/abuse but you. you are not obligated to forgive your abuser. you are not obligated to be around them if they are part of your family and you are CERTAINLY not obligated to be kind to them. as soon as they hurt you like that they lost the right to have your love, your kindness, your forgiveness, or your time. remember you don’t have to sacrifice your health for their comfort.
hey y’all wanna talk about a lesser talked about trauma effect?
loss of autonomy.
not knowing how to do anything without explicit permission or instruction.
feeling like you’ll get in trouble if you do anything on your own will.
waiting until you’re given permission to do so much as eat.
not feeling like your body is your own.
if you experience this you aren’t broken or alone. you were abused and traumatized and conditioned to be like this. remember you belong to nobody but yourself. you are and will be okay.
It’s weird to think that there’s people who are constantly, at-all-times, 100% comforted by/trusting of their parents,, like Who are you? Why aren’t you scared they’ll hurt you?
