#cptsdsurvivor
None of your trauma is your fault. ♡
I never had a childhood, or the chance to be innocent, that was ripped away. I never had the chance to know how it felt to be truly loved and validated, how to grow up healthy and experience the joys of it. I missed out, I was fucking robbed and I grew up a broken, empty shell that I am only now learning how to fill.
Credit to chuckdrawsthings. Just found these hilarious.
I’m All Alone.
I’ve come to realize. I’m utterly alone. I have no one to fall back on when life gets hard. I only have myself to rely on. I’ve never had to do this before. And I’m envious of my family never having to experience this. Which is why it hurts me so much that they ignore me and exclude me. I’m doing everything by myself. I’m paying my own bills, working and making my own money. I have 20 days to find a place to live or I’m out on my ass. I’ve asked my family. We’ll, I asked my mom. It’s been over a week now. She’s ignored my call and texts. It just breaks my heart that she doesn’t care if I end up homeless. That hurts. None of her other kids would end up homeless. My mom takes them all in. But me? No. Nobody cares about me in that family. Besides my big sister but she has her own life going on. Hers is hectic too. I know she loves me though. She’s shown me time and again. But the rest of my family? No. None of them love me. No one will help me. I don’t know why. I don’t know what I did to not deserve their love. I used to stay alive just for them. Stop cutting, for them. I’ve now learned to live for myself. Because they don’t give a damn about me. It hurts. I cry about this alot.
please remember that you are the only person that gets to decide that your trauma doesn’t/shouldnt affect you anymore. nobody is allowed to say your pain is gone but you. nobody is allowed to decide you’re over your trauma/abuse but you. you are not obligated to forgive your abuser. you are not obligated to be around them if they are part of your family and you are CERTAINLY not obligated to be kind to them. as soon as they hurt you like that they lost the right to have your love, your kindness, your forgiveness, or your time. remember you don’t have to sacrifice your health for their comfort.
hey y’all wanna talk about a lesser talked about trauma effect?
loss of autonomy.
not knowing how to do anything without explicit permission or instruction.
feeling like you’ll get in trouble if you do anything on your own will.
waiting until you’re given permission to do so much as eat.
not feeling like your body is your own.
if you experience this you aren’t broken or alone. you were abused and traumatized and conditioned to be like this. remember you belong to nobody but yourself. you are and will be okay.
