#anxitey

My biggest fear is that eventually you will see me the way i see myself.

The saddest part in life is saying goodbye to someone you wish to spend your lifetime with.

I know you’re sad, so I won’t tell you to have a good day. Instead, I advise you to simply have a day. Stay alive, feed yourself well, wear comfortable clothes, and don’t give up on yourself just yet. Until then, have a day.

Do you know when you find you’re on the edge? When one day, for some stupidity, tears come to your eyes. When one word too many, an insignificant gesture hit you deeply. It does not mean being frail or weak, but having endured too much, too long.

For once I would like to speak to someone who understands how I really feel.

The saddest thing is when you are feeling real down, you look around and realize that there is no shoulder for you.

Sometimes, you just have to stay silent, because no words can explain what’s going on in your mind and heart.

I lied and said I was busy. I was busy, but not in a way most people understand. I was busy taking deeper breaths. I was busy silencing irrational thoughts. I was busy calming a racing heart. I was busy telling myself I am okay. Sometimes, this is my busy, and I will not apologize for it.

I already said too much. I already shared too much, and I want all my secrets back. I hate getting close to people these days. I always regret sharing too much, caring too much, doing too much, feeling too much.

He said: “Don’t you feel lonely living in your own little world?”

She whispered: “Don’t you feel powerless living in other peoples worlds?”

If only this anxiety didn’t dictate all of my thoughts morning until night, a constant reminder to be afraid, to not get too comfortable because danger is always there, waiting, ready to strike at any moment.

And she finally gave up, dropped the fake smile as a tear run down her cheek and she whispered to herself “I can’t do this anymore…”

Have you ever just sat with your friends realizing you’re the least important friend in the group and that it wouldn’t make difference if you were there or not?

Faking a smile is easier than explaining why you’re sad.

I realized today that I have stopped living life. I’m literally just trying to get to the next day, just living in the thought of tomorrow. I’m not living, I’m waiting. And the trouble is, I don’t know what I’m exactly waiting for. I’m kind of scared for what it might be.

¿En algún momento la vida se vuelve tranquila y los cambios se detienen?

La incertidumbre es inmensa, sobrecogedora, intimidante. Odio los nuevos comienzos por sentirme insuficiente, por pensar que puedo arruinarlo, ¿porqué todos esperan tanto de mi? ¿No se dan cuenta que no cumplo ni con mis propias expectativas?

Puedo sobrellevar la decepción a mi misma, pero ver en los ojos de las personas que te importan la lastima que te tienen o su ideología que no cumpliste… Es lo que realmente te marca.

May is mental health awareness month.

I’ve had anxiety ever since I can remember. As a kid my anxiety came across as me being a “picky” or “dramatic” kid. Me getting upset about something seemingly small was actually me having a panic like reaction from my anxiety. As I grew up I did not “grow out” off my anxiety, but still no one knew that i was dealing with anxiety day in and day out. They thought it was simply me “being a teenager”. Due to my anxiety I started to isolate my self and do less and less things because of how anxious I became in social or new situations. This isolation lead to a dark depression. From eighth grade to freshman year of college I was depressed. Yes there were some good days, but still within them I was constantly fighting off the hollowness inside me, the numbness that had consumed me, and the thoughts that I didn’t matter, that I wasn’t enough, that I needed the suffering to end, even if that meant my life ending with it. I was lucky though. I had my amazing fiancé (boyfriend at the time), loving sister, and caring mom there for me. Sleeping by me through the nights when I didn’t want to wake up in the morning. Giving me hugs and letting me cry into their chests on those days I wanted to give up. They were also there when I stood up for myself and told my doctor that I needed help. My doctor prescribed an antidepressant/anti-anxiety medication. About a month after I started taking it, I remember simply sitting and realizing that I was okay with that. That I wasn’t worrying about what I had or hadn’t done, not worrying about the past, present or future. I remember just being and being okay with that. That day my life started to change. I slowly started doing more and more things I had been too anxious to do. I have come so far from where I was, and I am so much stronger because of it. I’ve said it before, I’m saying it now and I’ll say it again. If you can’t make your own serotonin store bought is fine. There is absolutely nothing wrong with taking prescriptions to make you feel better.

You are not meant to be miserable, unhappy or anxious everyday. You deserve better.

I have been under a lot of stress these past few weeks from life. I have  been feeling like I can not take catch a break. Every Time one situation improves, another situation gets worse. The amount of stress I have been under has been causing me to have to have frequent panic attacks.  I was at work two weeks ago, and I started to have a panic attack, and it was at the moment when I realized I have to take control of this. I have to be proactive to about this problem. I have been taking steps to improve my stress level and anxiety.

• I meditate more than once a day.  Every time I feel myself getting stressed out, I go and mediate. No matter where I am, I will find a quiet place to calm myself. 
  
• I made yoga extra mandatory
  
• I have increased the amount of chamomile tea I drink. I have also started carrying chamomile pills in my bag.
  
• When panic attack happens, I focus on my breathing and tell myself I will be okay, i’m doing good, and things will get better. I repeat these things to myself until I calm down.
  
• I have been spending time with my partner and friends
  
• I have been spending more time on my hobbies
  
• I have been working out at home. ( Hopefully I will start going to the gym again)
  
• I have been writing my emotions
  

If you are under a lot of stress or battle anxiety , please don’t let it control you. Take some small steps to get in front of it. It might take some time to completely get a hold of it, but at least you will have some control or have the tools to reduce it.

If you tried any of these tips, please comment below if they helped you.

The stars are so nice.

The stars doesn’t call me an waste of existence.