I miss being a kid

When I was a young child, I told myself I wanted to live up to 100 years old— that was my goal. I wanted to live a long life. I was absolutely terrified of dying.

Ten years later and I’m begging the universe to kill me. I’m praying to God— if there even is one— that this will all end.

Honestly, I didn’t even expect to make it this far. I never thought I’d be able to see myself turn eighteen. I graduate high school in a month. I should be happy but I’m not. I feel so lost. I wasn’t planning on being alive for this long. I don’t know what to do, what steps to take, which direction to go— I’m lost.

Is anything even worth it? Should I keep on pushing? Should I go to college? Should I continue working?

Or will it all be a waste of time? “I won’t be alive in the next ten years so I guess nothing really matters.” I find myself often repeating that line.

That’s the thing about life though. You never know what the future will hold. Maybe I will be dead in the near by future. Or maybe I’ll be alive and finally happy.

The only thing I can do now is focus on the present. Let’s just hope I have enough strength to even do that…

Quién diría que Candace iba a predecir mi futuro camino de amargura y depresión:

is there even a single good reason to get up when you can just sleep forever?

—

I hope I don’t wake up tomorrow

✨

I really don’t mean to cut everyone off, believe me

it happens

it’s not in my control

I can’t even control my own life

how could I control my friends

“Little birdie, sing me a song.

Reflect upon me what goes on;

In such misery do I decree

That a mind as cluttered as mine

Shall soon struggle to breathe.”

why is it so hard to be beautiful?

i really wish i had a pretty face, a cute body and a lovely personality. but im ugly. im boring and insecure.

Dear me,

I wish you died.

Navidad?

Disculpen algunos, vemos diferente y vivimos diferente, pero realmente que es la navidad, desde pequeño crecí sin saber acerca de ella, rara vez la festejamos, como un simple intercambio y ya, sin en cambio, me alegra ver a los demás pasándola genial o divertirse con sus personas queridas, no pido comprensión, pero crecí en un ambiente lleno de amor, pero a medida que iba creciendo vi lo peor de las personas, estar rodeado de hipocresías, al igual que para algunos, es triste saber que ya no estarán más personas que dejaron de estar, por qué llenarse de tristeza y no de felicidad?, aún tenemos cosas pero ni de adultos apreciamos, solo desprovechamos, buscamos la misma emoción, cuando jamás se repetirá, debemos agradecer por lo que aún hay antes de notar que no está, apreciamos lo ido, que olvidamos lo que tenemos, sin embargo, porque ser así solo durante estas fechas?, se que no todos insisto, pero después se olvidan, se dejan de hablar o continúan discusiones, pero esa noche que tiene de especial?, lo único que la hace así es, que nosotros la hacemos ser asi, pero podemos hacerla vivir más, no solo en navidad o noche buena, sino diario, reunirse de vez en cuando, sin excusa o pretexto, ya que al final, pero esos mismas acciones no nos libramos del día que partamos de acá, pero me entristece ver que haya personas que la pasen con personas que no se sientes a gusto com si familia, que les falta un hogar, que hay problemas en el y solo quieren llorar, lo lamento por esas personas, pero simplemente quiero dar a entender que no solo esta fecha seamos así de felices, que lo seamos diario y lo especial va a ser el momento y que lo seamos con todos

daily-self-depreciation:

daily-self-depreciation:

sadborderlinebarbie:

The time just runs, but I feel every moment desappeares.

I was really happy when you told me that I was your shining star, but everything desapeared when I realized you only love the moon.

I want someone to hold me.

I’m just a stupidthing.

I’m a bullshit, but thanks for following me. :)

If you see this, please talk to me i really feel like shit. :(

I’m so fuckin alone in this fuckin world.

To my heart:

Rest in peace.

I will breakmyself

Like everytime

Youbroke my heart.

The stars are so nice.

The stars doesn’t call me an waste of existence.

self deprecation is bad but will i continue doing it? absolutely! however i am making an effort to do it less and less and i encourage you all to do the same. you won’t stop immediately but the less you do it the better you’ll feel and also you deserve self love so be kind to yourself

i truly don’t understand how people like staring at themselves in the mirror. one glance that last for too long and i can feel my brain shortcutting and preparing itself for a breakdown i just can’t do it i hate it here

im young yet my body feels rotten and wasted like it’s already decaying ready to just become dust. i hate being pointed out that im young as if that means i must be perfectly healthy. i hate feeling like my body has failed me and im not like others. i hate my body and i hate myself

not to be on my self-deprecation mode but existing as an ugly person be taking a toll on me as time goes by, like damn im ugly as fuck and nobody wants me and i am definitely not getting attractive ever, and i’ll just have to live like this for the rest of my life, this is pain