Indem andere Menschen nur denken dass du faul bist aber du eigentlich genau weißt, wie depressiv und verletzt du in deinem Bett liegst und keine Lust mehr auf dieses Leben hast.

Wenn man wieder einen Rückfall hatte und sich nach dem Schneiden so befreit und wieder rum so leer fühlt.

dickssociation:

vacillating-bpd-queen:

dickssociation:

I’ve received a few questions about splitting & decided to make a post answering them!

Here u go:

What is splitting?

Splitting is a borderline reaction to something scary that results in deeming something or someone entirely bad or evil.

What causes splitting?

By “scary”, I mean something that threatens an idealization. For example, if someone I idealize as entirely safe, good, perfect, says something that hurts or disgusts me, they have betrayed the concept I have constructed of them, and I now see them as the diametric opposite.

Is splitting permanent?

No, not necessarily.

If given a reason to reverse the split, for example the same person goes out of their way to provide care or affection, the split may be reversed. If not, the split will likely fester and swell, cementing as a permanent hatred. Some splits are too deep to reasonably repair.

Can you split on things as well as people?

Yes.

While borderlines invest our most powerful emotions in people and interpersonal relationships, splitting on non-people is also possible. For example, if I am excited for a new job, then something goes wrong or is too challenging, I can go from loving to hating the experience almost instantaneously. If a city seems inviting and interesting at first, then a negative quality is revealed, I can go from loving where I am to hating where I am. If I develop an emotional attachment to an object, then the object is spoken about with hatred by a person I respect, I will often discard the object entirely.

Do borderlines need to act upon a split?

Of course not.

DBT is the overall most effective therapy for personality disorders, and one of its core lessons is the detachment of emotion from reaction. Self-control is difficult, but crucial. It is the greatest power you can develop against your disorder.

How does it feel to split?

For me, splitting is a panicked rush of betrayal that leads into feelings of hurt, anger, and revulsion. Splitting makes me incredibly upset, and often leads to panic attacks.

What are your personal experiences with splitting?

I split on my boyfriend almost every day, if not multiple times a day. I have never consistently argued with anyone except for him, probably because he is the most aggressive person I have ever allowed into my life. Every split is quickly reversed, which only exacerbates the stress and confusion. I’m really not sure if it’s getting any easier, but I’ve decided that this relationship is worth it.

I recently moved to a new city and reconnected with a friend who lives nearby. I was so happy to be physically close to them, since we had been emotionally close for so long, and I ended up spending a lot of time with them, expecting a best-friendship. However, my boyfriend didn’t like some of their behaviors, and even though he says he does like them, several angry tirades about some behavior at our house have caused me to split on them. I want to cut them off entirely, because now I can’t think of them beyond those negative words, but I’ll control myself and let it fizzle out politely. It honestly sucks, since I WANT to keep liking them so badly, and their behavior didn’t even bother me personally.

One of my worst fears is that someone I care about could split on me,because I know just how deep that hatred runs.

This is one of the best posts on splitting I’ve seen

Looking back on old posts now & this one, in retrospect, needs some edits. The last answer in particular makes me really sad since I now view that year-and-a-half relationship as the one that did the most damage to me.

All feelings serve a purpose and indicate a need that is either being met or unmet. Please don’t overlook or dismiss them. It takes a long time to unlearn the conditioning that feelings are silly or useless or irrational, but please try. Even if your reaction doesn’t neccessarily match the situation, even if your resulting behaviours are unjustified, the emotion is coming from a real place and it is crucial to explore what that is.

Splitting is essentially a mechanism of emotion, and therefore needs to be validated. It’s a coping mechanism hardwired into our brains to protect us, whether in theory or practice.

Splitting on anyone in your life every day cannot function as a part of any healthy relationship. If your triggers are being activated repeatedly, it’s your responsibility to clearly communicate your boundaries. If those boundaries are then intentionally or negligently violated repeatedly, if those triggers continue to be activated, that is emotional abuse. Please get out. Patience is important, self-discipline is important, tolerance and acceptance are important, but none of those skills can be practiced when you’re in a constant state of agitation caused by someone else’s lack of consideration.

I wish I had validated the emotions behind my splitting further and analyzed what was happening to me instead of writing them off purely as a counterproductive products of mental illness. If I had seen my constant splits as red flags, I could’ve saved myself nearly two years of hell and all the time spent healing from it.

I keep doing bad stuff to myself for his attention I’m just getting worse and I’m gonna push him away but I can’t stop.

My existence is not for him or anyone else this is my life and I’m not going to worry about every little thing he has ever done in the past

fuck this bpd shit