What’s the deal with cusps?

Logistics only: it means you were born on or near the transition from one sign to the next.

Seasons change, signs change. Yes, on the 22nd of September it’s nominally Fall, not Summer; around September 24th, we’re out of Virgo and into Libra. But it doesn’t feellike it’s Summer one day and suddenly Fall the next day, and it doesn’t feellike it’s Virgo one day and most definitely Libra the next day. These dates aren’t meant to be rigid, black-and-white boundaries - they all come with a period of transitionwhere you’re getting a little taste of both. Summer is ending and Fall is beginning: the spiders come out, the leave start to change, the days get shorter, but gardens are still growing, the sun is still shining, and activity is still peaking. It’s a transitional period. The same shit goes for the signs - every sign hasdifferentdimensions, every degree has a distinct flavor. Cusps are just one of those dimensions - it’s when you’re coming up on a change, and anyone who’s ever experienced a change of any kind knows that shit is a process.

Now: your nature is your nature. If you’re a cusp baby, there’re going to be other things in your chart that support the same information the cusp placement is dishing out. The Sun represents your fuel- it keeps you motivated, it keeps your lights on, it keeps you on your shit, it keeps all this biz pushing. All a Cusp Sun placement means is that you’re getting that sweet sweet jolt of motivationfromtwo places, instead of getting a concentrated dose from one place. Can other planets be on a cusp? Of course.

Listen: being on a cusp is notbetter than being in the middle of a sign - being in the middle of a sign is notbetter than being on a cusp. They’re just different.Everyone has different needs, everyone has different placements. Wherever your shit falls, it’s there for a reason and that reason is good, so stop being jealous and relax.

Which degrees are cusp degrees?How close to the edge do I have to be to fulfill my dream of being a cusp baby? Honestly, I don’t know, and I don’t care. Within 3 degrees, within 5 degrees, within 7 degrees? Whatever. You know what you feel to be true about you. It’s different for everyone, roll with it.

Go for Sun, go for Moon, go for any other planet or degree. These are qualities,they don’t change.

PISCES / ARIESThe bitch is starting over - you’re not going to find a more intuitive,inner-activity placement than a Pisces / Aries cusp. You add all the “I gotta deal with myself” of Pisces with the “I gotta make a change” of Aries and you get someone who’s ready to tear apart the cycle like it’s scrap paper. Or you’re so self-centered that you can’t get a grip on reality - cycle on, sister.

ARIES / TAURUSThe bitch is making it happen-intensitymeetspracticality in explosive combo of getting shit done. You’re pulling from Aries dank intuition bank and you’re matching it with Taurus’s desire to establishitself and you’re cooking up some seriouslyself-guidedaction. Or you’re so scared to fail that you’re living in a basement somewhere - I don’t know, man, it’s your call.

TAURUS / GEMINIThe bitch is deconstructing- the transition from Taurus to Gemini has everything to do with understanding your conditioning- knowing your historyand figuring out how it’s shaped your character. What’s gotta go, what’s gonna stay, and what’s really you. The potential to understand yourselfandeffectively utilizeyour skills is huge. Or you’re justifying some ruthless-ass behavior like it’s your full-time job - crushed it (and also crushed any chance of having healthy relationships).

GEMINI / CANCERThe bitch is dealing with her feelings- you have Gemini’s untouchable perspectiveand Cancer’sself-understanding. Good luck finding a feeling or an experience that you can’t process, not gonna happen. Your identity is deeply feltandflexible- full-oncamouflage, espionage, garage (overflowing with old personas). Or you’re acting superficial as shitandthe most unaccountable - maybe change that ugly attitude instead?

CANCER / LEOThe bitch is a fucking force- dripping energylike a perpetually broken faucet. There’s no turning these babies off,they’re meant to find a way to take their feelings and channelthem into productive avenues. Ridiculous creative power. Or you’re just an emotionally underdeveloped hot mess - watch where you step, everyone.

LEO / VIRGOThe bitch is also a fucking forcebut she’s not in your face about it until she is - take Leo’s intensity, cut it with Virgo’s repressed feelings, get an artistic soul. So many feelings, so little ability to communicate them. A never-ending story of ever-improving self-expression. Or you stuff that shit so far down geyser gazers flock from all over to watch you explodeon the masses - better find a way to let it out.

VIRGO / LIBRAThe bitch is ch-ch-ch-changing- this is an extremely emotionalplacement. There’s a lot of hidden shitand emotional activity going on here (thanks, Virgo). Better buy some Benadryl because these sweet babies are ready to shed - beliefs, values, identities, whatever - they’re here to nail down the best approach to life (thanks, Libra), and they’re ready to wipe out to figure it out. Or they’re victimizing themselves into a crusty shell of endless confusion and superficiality - nice.

LIBRA / SCORPIOThe bitch is seeing how it’s all connected- Relational Queens, Scorpio is seeing the invisible strings that connect us with emotional x-ray vision and Libra is keeping those findings relevantandrelatable. There’s no better placement for social and emotional understanding. Or they’re sipping on a crazy, almost disturbing mix of manipulation meetsemotional doormat - just sayit and stop fucking acting.

SCORPIO / SAGThe bitch is looking to mind-meld- no one wants to sharemore than a bitch on the Scorpio / Sag cusp. Scorpio feelingswith Sag sensibilities? Please - all they want is to get wrapped up in that blanket of acceptanceso tight they can’t see themselves. Deep feeling, deep thinking, refreshing the missed connections page. Or they’re passiveto the point of no return, turned side-stepping responsibility into an Olympic sport - hot.

SAG / CAPRICORNThe bitch is dying to make it real- you take Sag’s ideologiesand you throw in Capricorn’s realityhard on,and you get someone who is ready to lock that philosophy in and live it. Whatever goals they’ve decided to set, they’re achievingthem. Showing you how it’s done every day of the week. Or they chose a whack-ass set of values and they’re locking in some shit ideals, shit relationships, a shit self-image - maybe reflect before you fire up the kiln and burn us all to death?

CAPRICORN / AQUARIUSThe bitch is influencingyou - socially minded collective guides. With Capricorn’s unadulterated power and Aquarius’s brilliance, these bitches are leading the trends, they’re that perfect blend of real and strange, endearing and influential. They got the goods, literally. Or they’re cynical, hateful-ass bitches with zero awareness of how their presence effects others - get over your inferiority complex and just run this shit.

AQUARIUS / PISCESThe bitch is a true visionary - Critical,conceptualthinking meets technical skills meets collective needs meets subjective feeling and understanding. They’re dreaming up effective,creative solutions to societal problems. Or they’re saying, “Critical thinking? Reality? Effectiveness? Hm. Nah, let’s cut that bit completely aaand yeswe’re a go for living in a conspiracy theory terror dream” - relax, nobody asked for all that.

Happy charting, you cuspy-ass bitches.

XO BULLSHIT FREE ASTROLOGY

THE SIGNS #11 LEO

Second-to-last in The Signs sequence, but forever first in their own hearts: Leo.

Now, Leo, before you’re like “bitch, that is not true I am extremely thoughtful - I am caring and I am kind and I am sowarm and I have everyone’s best interests at heart,” count how many times you sad “I” in that last sentence and take a fucking breath. You’re self-centeredasshit, baby. But guess what? It’s exactly how you should be, and it’s why we love you, so relax.

To truly understand Leo, we gotta play it back. We have to think about Aries (and Taurus and Gemini and Cancer) first.

One of the easiest, most productive ways to think about the Zodiac is as an entire cycle of personal development. From Aries to Cancer, we’re developing ouridentity. Think of it like this: Aries: is like, “I’m fresh as fuck,” you got your little essencebut you ain’t shit yet, intuitively in touch with your little self; Taurus: is like, “I’ll help you get started, you dumb intangible baby,” and passes down some values, resources, and experiences to help you anchor your little self in reality; Gemini: is like, “yeah, that inherited shit is alright, but I bet there’s more out there,” and so you start to define your little self as you experienceandexplorethe World around you; Cancer: is like, “oh fuck,this is who I am,” and takes your essence, your values and beliefs, and your experiences and condenses that shit into your identity - something you can actually feeland (spoiler alert) beandexpressin the world.

So: Leo. Fire, Phase 2. You spent all this time developingyourself into somebody real, and Leo is when you decide: “Fuck it! I’m feeling myself (thanks, Cancer), it’s time for me to express myself.” Leo takes this identity that Aries & The Crew developed, throws on Charles Wright, and gets to radiatingitselfinto the ether full force. This straight up creative oozing is why we associate Leo with being and doing the most - Leo is unadulterated self-expression, and you bet after a long hard feeling down there in Cancer’s identity laboratory this bitch is ready to let loose.

Leo rules the 5th house - why? Because the 5th house is how you express yourself. Love affairs, children, art, creativity, whatever the fuck Bullshit Astrology is trying to sell you, go ahead and buy it and then look beyond it. You are creative, in yourself - your identityiscreated. It’s cultivated. It’s not who you essentially are (that’s Aries, First House business). You gotta take some fucking time to grow that persona. What you grow is Cancer, and what you showis Leo. This sweet, self-centered bitch is ready to be seen.

Leo is self-centered because it’s literally your self, centered - it’s all that Aries goodness focused into a livable, breathable, beable expression. Not every Leo is an artist, but every Leo heavy bitch is a work of art in themselves.Imageis important to Leo, and it should be. They worked hard to develop that shit, they can show it off. Now, some of you motherfuckers are out here acting so wildyou make us want to cover our eyes and run away. No one wants to see a destructive mess, Leo. Get it together.

Really, the most underplayed Leo quality is leadership. This is not a knowing who has which strengths and who should go where for optimal output type of leadership - that shit is Aquarius’s biz - this is an inspiring everyone you come into contact with type of leadership. The creative power literally flows out of these freaks, and dammit, we feel it. We’re inspired by it. We want that shit for ourselves. But, again, Leo is self-focused. It doesn’t really give a fuck whether or not we want to get on board with its vision. At its healthiest, Leo leads itself - it carefully directsandmanagesits own energy. And in doing this, Leo stops being a gross display of misdirected intensity, and instead steps the fuck up and shows us the impact a unique,emotionally developed (thanks again, Cancer) individualcan have on the world.

We roll our eyes hard at Leo. But Leo, for once, you’re right, it’s because we’re a little bit jealous. If we could all be half as self-motivated, self-focused and self-developed as Leo, noneof us would have the timeordesire to hate on this warm little center of gravity.

Happy birthday, you sweet bitches.

XO BULLSHIT FREE ASTROLOGY

DEEPER ASTROLOGY SHIT #4 ALL SHIT IS THE SAME SHIT (OR, BALANCING EQUATIONS)

I’ve said it before, I’ll say it again: everything in your chart makes sense, and it’s all saying the same thing, just from a bunch of different angles. Your chart is tighter than a virgin sacrifice - as in: there’s no room for error or extraneous shit, you freaks. If you were to look at a chart with a single planet photoshopped out, you should be able to guess what and where that planet is located based on the rest of the chart.

(All you bitches thinking “yeah, right, I could never do that,” get your self-esteem together, I’m sick of you. Of course you could do it you just have to practice.)

Well, how do you do it then? Alright. First: you get an idea of what the fuck is going on. The best way to do this is to look at the house cuspsandget your checks and balances on. Think about Math (since no one has the balls to argue with that rigid-ass mf): both sides of an equationare equivalent. Yes - both sides of an equal sign may very well have different variables (come on, even sweet, corny-ass Math wants to get creative) but when we get down to it, it’s all the same shit.

An example:

You look at a chart and the first thing you notice is a Gemini Ascendant.

Immediately you should think: Gemini in the First (1) = Sag in the Seventh (7). If a bitch wants to be a pioneer ofself-discovery (Gemini 1), then she’s going to need to approach the world looking for as many experiences as possible to learn from (Sag 7). Only a socially adept, curious bitch at heart (Gemini 1) is going to be able to hang tough and actually seek out all different kinds of relationships (Sag 7) so she can learn how to define herself. See? Same shit. Easy. Nothing to it.

Nothing to it? Well, then. Take it further. If Gemini is in the First, then Libra is (probably) in the Fifth. Libra in the Fifth (5) = Aries in the Eleventh (11). This bitch has some mf-ing ambitionforsocial position (Aries 11), and really, what else would we expect from someone who’s socially adept at heart (Gemini 1)? We already know this bitch has Grade A social expression - all those opportunities for meeting people and seeing things (Sag 7) are really paying off. So naturally, we can see that the way this bitch thinks about friends, social relationships, even watering her damn plants is tied to her personal creativity and self-expression (Libra 5): when she’s got relationshipsto explore, life is good.

Keep going. Why not? All this shit is the same shit. What’s next? Well, if Libra was in the Fifth House, then Virgo is (probably) in the Fourth house. Virgo in the Fourth (4) = Pisces in the Tenth (10). At the deepest, most personal level, this little hoe cares about developing her personal character so she can better contribute to the World (Virgo 4). Howdoes she make this personal mastery happen? By capitalizing on lots of opportunities to demonstrate understanding, compassion andinner-strength in her social roles (Pisces 10). Different sides of the equation, same information.

You start putting all this shit together and without even looking at a single fucking planet you’ve already got a solid, foundational understanding of this chart. You’re amazing!! God I fucking love you. Then you throw the planets in there and it’s like you’re a dang genius. But no:this isn’t some magical feat of pure intuitive power, you just applied the fundamentalsand you respected the natural harmony and balance of a chart. It’s a beautiful thing.

If you look at a chart and you don’t know where to start, start at the beginning, look at all the opposites, and remember: all the shit is the same shit.

XO BULLSHIT FREE ASTROLOGY

You ask, we answer - let’s all set the record straight on these backwards babes. But before we do, you need two pieces of crucial information:

First:I literally do not give a fuck about retrogrades. Don’t use them, don’t pay attention to them, never have, never will. If hearing about them makes you feel gross and nervous and confused, just set that shit down and go on living your life like you were ten minutes ago before you got spooked to your core. You’ll be fine and you won’t miss a damn flight or forget to send an important email or whatever the fuck.

Second: if giving a fuck about retrogrades helps you live a better life and makes you feel good, then you go right ahead with giving your fucks. Different strokes for different folks. No shame in the game.

Alright. Here are the cold hard facts:

(1) Looking at your chart and seeing that you have a birth planet(s) in retrograde isn’t going to give you any new information. I cannot say it enough, people: every chart has an overarching theme, all the planets are working together to tell you the same shit, over and over again. When we’re trying to understand a chart, we want functional information and we want ease.

Which set of information feels more functional and accessible to you?

This: Aries Sun in an intercepted first house quntile to a Gemini Moon in the third house conjunct the IC, both opposite retrograde Pluto in the 8th house and retrograde Jupiter conjunct the ninth house cusp semi-square a conjunct Uranus and Neptune in the eleventh.

Or this: Man, this bitch has a fucking Aries Sun in the first house and her Gemini Moon is down there in the same quadrant - from that alone we already know she’s all about discovering herself and learning how to apply her damn brain in a flexible, influential way. Of course with an overarching theme like this she’s going to have to learn to be empathetic and sensitive to others so she doesn’t become a ruthless-ass, self-serving cunt with literally no awareness of other people’s realities and experiences (Jupiter and Pluto up top).

The placement of the Sun and Moon alone tell us 90% of the shit we need to know about a person. Everything else is supporting information, and none of that supporting information is going to contradict the overarching theme.

Did knowing that Jupiter and Pluto are in retrograde tell you anything you didn’t already know? No. Seeing both an Aries Sun anda Gemini Moon in the first quadrant already tells you this bitch is clearly all about developing and exploring herself - of course someone with such self-focused priorities is gonna need to spend some extra time building an awareness of other people’s realities, and of course that understanding is going to come from inward withdrawal and reflection - with the way this chick operates, it couldn’t come from anywhere else. So, seeing that Jupiter and Pluto are in retrograde should just confirm what you already knew from looking at the more important elements of the chart.

Being a quality Astrologer requires just as much formulaic thinking and logic as it does intuition and sensitivity, bitches. Don’t let anyone tell you you’re not intuitive enough to read a chart, bust out your math and destroy them.

(2) That being said: Retrogrades typically represent inward withdrawal and reflection. What even is a retrograde?It’s a going back over of degrees we already covered. It’s an opportunity for revision, reflection anddeeper understanding.

Is a retrograding placement good or bad? Neither. A retrograde planet means nothing on its own-every individual element needs to be considered in the context of the rest of the chart. That is why retrogrades are a detail you could completely overlook and still miss nothingfrom your overall understanding of a chart.Guaranteed you’re going to catch the same information somewhere else in the chart: there will be other, strongerindicatorsof (1) the need to put extra time and attention towards a particular area of your life, or (2) a person who has more reflective, introspective nature in general.

(3) The same logic holds for transits: again: every individual element needs to be considered in the context of the rest of the chart. Mercury, Venus, these mfs aren’t just floating up there by themselves randomly going in and out of retrograde - they’re part of the entire landscape of the Solar System!! They have family and friends!! You’re better off looking at the current chart as a whole - seeing where allthose sweet celestials are hangin’ in relation to each other - than randomly jumping to conclusions based on a single piece of (honestly, extraneous) information.

That’s all, folks. And again - to each her own. For all you Retrograde Queens out there, keep on keeping on, you moon walking lunar lovelies, you.

Peace, bitches. Happy Charting.

THE PLANETS #2 NEPTUNE (IN THE HOUSES)

Another planetary personal for the people of the world. Time to set the record straight about Neptune and how this mysterious mf gets to work.

First: Neptune is not actually that mysterious. For some reason everyone decided just because they couldn’t wrap their minds around this wild planet they’d just play it out as confusing and delusional and inexplicable and leave it at that. Not true. No mind-meld necessary to wrap it around big blue.

You just gotta take Neptune in the context of the other two Far Out celestials (Uranus and Pluto). Together, the Transcendental Crew form a whole process: Uranus introduces and initiates a serious change,Neptune clears out all the old-ass bullshit and kicks your shit up to a new level, and Pluto drags your ass though, wraps that shit up, and organizes your debut.

The best way to think about the Transcendentals’ process is to think about butterflies. When those little caterpillar babies decide they’re ready to get their life together and leave crawling in the past, they chrysalis their little asses up and get to changing (Uranus). Now - as all you Science buffs know - when baby caterpillar is in the hole, it releases some enzymes that liquify its whole mf-ing body into some deliciously nutritious goop, and from there, the butterfly body starts forming (Neptune). Then, that caterpillar isn’t even a damn caterpillar anymore it’s reformed into fucking butterfly, so it’s time to break though, and start living life as a radiant Rhopalocera (Pluto). Gross but also useful and nice. Science.

Neptune is the goop - it’s dissolving basic ass shit and giving you the opportunity to take it to the next level. This is where the tropes of dissolution and frustration and confusion come in. But listen: just because it’s a little weird does not mean this process needs to be a complete mess. The shit only becomes confusing if you allow Neptune’s dank energy to dissolve your entire sense of self, instead of just dissolving your worn-out patterns of behavior and ideas about yourself. Get a fucking grip on yourself - even those little butterflies keep their caterpillar memories, they don’t start acting brand new. If you want to take full advantage of Neptune energy: you have to know where you’re headed. Neptune is the penultimate planet for a reason - no wayyou should be fucking with this dank energy if you don’t already have a seriously developed understanding of yourself. You do not just throw yourself into a serious change and hope for the best. You go into that shit with a clear goal in mind and a clear grip on yourself so you don’t get lost in the sauce.

Neptune hangs tough with Pisces, and Pisces is the very last baby in the Zodiac cycle. That isn’t some damn coincidence. Neptune helps you loosen your death grip on the past so you can change in a big way - the biggest way. Without Neptune’s influence, we’d never be able to c'est la vie to the old shit and let Aries get going with the next shit.

In short: Neptune cuts the gunk and gets you ready to be part of something bigger - where Neptune lands shows you where you’re looking to reform your identity and give your life a larger purpose.

As always, particulars for the party people:

NEPTUNE IN THE FIRST (1) when they got a hold of themselves these babies can turn into the best representatives to ever live - they pick an ideal or a role or a cause and they live that shit out better than anyone else. When they’re a total fucking mess: writing the book on escapism, total delusional, back away slowly cause they’re not even close to reality.

NEPTUNE IN THE SECOND (2) when they got a hold on themselves these babies own their past and turn into mfing brilliant leaders - they see social and philosophaical issues clearly and push for newer, better shit. When they’re a total fucking mess: misguided idealogies, totally destructive, zero discernment.

NEPTUNE IN THE THIRD (3) when they get a hold on themselves these babies have constructive, clear minds that turn them into perceptive-ass geniuses who understand how broad social issues affect their enviornment and everyone around them. When they’re a total fucking mess: distorted perspective, can’t see through the surface level shit around them, 100% caught up.

NEPTUNE IN THE FOURTH (4) when they got a hold on themselves these babies respect their urge to get rid of all the fake-ass shit in their life and transform into the purest bitches with deep values and serious self-awareness. When they’re a total fucking mess: blows up their entire sense of self, feels purposeless, no fucking clue how to connect to themselves.

NEPTUNE IN THE FIFTH (5) when they get a hold on themselves these babies set some damn goals and turn into the most charming, awe inspiring, next-level experience seeking bitches out here. When they’re a total fucking mess: never satisfied, second guessing every decision they’re ever made, caught up in the fake shit.

NEPTUNE IN THE SIXTH (6) when they get a hold on themselves these babies use their discernment to become masters of transformation - they understand change on the deepest level and find meaning in every experience, good or bad. When they’re a complete fucking mess: doing way too much, not thinking anything through, alienating everyone around them.

NEPTUNE IN THE SEVENTH (7) when they get a hold on themselves these babies can experience serious personaltransformation in any and every relationship - they use relationships to redefine themselves and deepen their identity. When they’re a complete fucking mess: the biggest victims to ever live, never taken accountability for a single choice they’ve ever made, actuallybuff from convincing themselves they need to carry all the burdens of the world.

NEPTUNE IN THE EIGHTH (8) when they get a hold on themselves these babies understand groups better than anyone else - being part of a solid crew turns these babies into social powerhouses, they dedicate themselves 100% to collective success. When they’re a complete fucking mess: can’t work through a single relationship issue, total unstable, drunk on power or a complete doormat.

NEPTUNE IN THE NINTH (9) when they get a hold on themselves these babies are turn into some wise as fuck mfs - they find symbolism and deeper meaning in everything, and they got a mind to create all kinds of poetic, artistic shit. When they’re a complete fucking mess: extreme idealism means they can’t accept reality, complete and total loss of self.

NEPTUNE IN THE TENTH (10) when they get a hold on themselves these babies develop some transcendent values and principles, this turns them into people who are totally down for collective life - groups, relationships, every day living - they set an example of how to live in community better than anyone else. When they’re a complete fucking mess: serious martyrs, railroaded by collective energy, sense of self level 0.

NEPTUNE IN THE ELEVENTH (11) when they get a hold on themselves these babies are destroying social limitations and worn-out traditions - they turn into bad-ass crusaders who push their crew in newer, better directions. When they’re a complete fucking mess: unrealistic expections, hates anything that feels slow, lonely af cause they left everyone behind.

NEPTUNE IN THE TWELFTH (12) when they get a hold on themselves these babies are straight up dissolving all their karma, transforming into a completely different person with a squeaky-clean subconscious and a shit ton of new ideas for society. When they’re a complete fucking mess: totally intoxicated by dreams, can’t function in the real world.

Happy charting, bitches.

XO BULLSHIT FREE ASTROLOGY

ASTROLOGY MYTHBUSTERS #3

Still fighting the good fight against Astrology falsehoods!!

(1) Black Moon Lilith

MYTHStood up to some men sexually repressed my dark side xoxo feminist icon suffering pain torture orgasms

TRUTH (Stop it) Lilith may be the OG bad bitch of Eden but people, please, we’re doing too much. Lilith isn’t gonna tell you shit that the major planets aren’t already telling you - if you aren’t hanging tough with Saturn or the Moon or even baby Mercury then really you have no business trying to turn Lilith into something she’s not. But. If you’re hell bent on riding the hype train direct to Lilith-land, she’s just showing you an area of your life that’s worth rereading, pointing out some shit you could be looking at from a different perspective. (This does not have to besexual, ace babies still got Lilith game, equal opportunity.)

(2) Exhalations Detriments and Falls

MYTHSun in Libra uh oh Venus in Aries even worse Mars is Libra death is there anything even good about Libra

TRUTH (100% Wrong) Take all this shit and put it where it belongs: the trash.There is nothing inherently bad (or good) about any planet, sign or placement, and no placement is inherently more challenging than any other. Everything in a fucking chart is there for a reason and that reason is to help you learn about and become your best particular little self.

(3) Neptune

MYTHdreaming dreaming is free illusions disintegration goodbye self!! a witch spirituality confusion was it Neptune who also had rings or Uranus

TRUTH (Misunderstood) Apparently everyone just got together decided Neptune was a complete fucking mess. Enough. Neptune is one powerful mf-ing planet and it shouldn’t get played out as some barely conscious terror dream. Neptune helps you dissolve any whack ass ideas or illusions you have about yourself or others that are stopping you from letting go of the past and moving forward with your life. This process should not involve you letting go of your entire fucking grip on reality.

(4) Virgo

MYTHSo critical actually smart ooo small animals just wanna be of service but not customer service cause rude so soft underneath it all maybe

TRUTH (Misunderstood) Virgo is all about self-improvement:observation, attention to detail, criticism - these are tools Virgo uses to make shit better, they should not define who Virgo is.Remember:Virgo is the area of the Zodiac where we polish off our little self so that we can step out onto Libra’s relationship stage for the first time. Virgo heavy mfs can come across as cold-blooded, but this is just a defense mechanism: truth is, Virgo is scared - they know at some point they gotta let their little selves fly free, but they got no fucking clue how shit is gonna go down when they do. They feel like their whole fucking being is on the line!! No joke. People, just be aware; and Virgo, communicate your feelings.

(5) Air Signs

MYTHno feelings no sense of self funny haha smart also floating a floating brain

TRUTH (100% Wrong) The air element is all about expansion - expanding our ideas about what’s possible and increasing our capacity for inspired thoughts, feelings and actions. Air brings the know-how, they got the plan and they’re ready to level the fuck up wherever they can - that shit is absolutely not just limited to critical thinking.

(6) Scorpio

MYTHobsession Phoenix ashes joined a cult and loved it had sex with everyone looked in your eyes the depths

TRUTH (Misunderstood) Please end the fucking sex/obsession trope. Scorpio is actually about getting to the bottom of shit. No- this does not mean getting to the bottom of your womb - it means getting to the bottom of their own patterns of behavior. Scorpio has gotta develop that capacity for focus (not obsession) and turn it inwards so they can get to bottom of their shit, kill their conditioning, and really start sharing in life and relationships.

Peace, bitches.

XO BULLSHIT FREE ASTROLOGY

THE PLANETS #1 VENUS (IN THE HOUSES)

Venus is one of the most played out planets in the Solar System. It’s like someone saw a picture of some bitch creeping up out the sea foam and just decided, yes. Goddess of Love. Let’s get a grip. “Love” and “Relationships” barely begins to cover what this beautiful planet is really all about.

Venus is responsive. Shit happens, Venus gets on it. Immediately. She’s a judgmental bitch - she’s gonna have an opinion. It’s because she’s all about your values. Venus helps you understand what matters to you. What do you do when you come across something that matters to you? You respond to it.

Think about it this way: Venus rules Taurus and Leebs. Why? Well. It‘s not because Taurus is trying to buy itself an edible arrangement or because someone told you Libra is useless outside of a relationship. It’s because Venus helps you decide what from your past is meaningful and valuable (Taurus), and Venus helps you keep the bigger picture in mind so you can approach any situation looking for a positive outcome(Libra).

Yes - Venus is a lovely planet, but it’s not because she’s out here looking to get fucked. It’s because she represents your valuesandhow you respond to them. And you only respond to the shit that you’ve decided is worthresponding to (thanks again, Taurus). Venus is emotional, reactive, responsive and she wants to connect - not only person to person, but experience to experience, past to present, and present to future. Venus gives your life order, structure and sense. And that’s as beautiful as it gets. Show some respect!!

For your personal pleasure:

VENUS IN THE FIRST (1) thesecharming, intuitive hoes are looking for meaning within themselves - they find the value in every human experience, project their own sensibilities into everything they do, and are working to develop a positive self-image. When they’re out of touch with their feelings: beautiful cold blooded master manipulators. Use that allure for good, bitches.

VENUS IN THE SECOND (2) thesewarm, poetic hoes are looking for meaning from their past, social or family circle, and place in time -they find their worth in being a center of influence for their selected crew because they wanna exemplify the values of their group. Like a little spotlight. When they’re out of touch with their feelings: social pressure killing them slowly + low self esteem = fake as fuck. You have more power when you’re real, bitches.

VENUS IN THE THIRD (3) theseintuitivelyorganized, quick thinking hoes are looking for meaning in every single relationship between every single thing -they find their value in their ability to make connections. Babies are so tapped into their surroundings that they can look around at a bunch of chaotic shit and identify the hidden patterns and structure immediately. When they’re out of touch with their feelings: narrow-minded as fuck, dogmatic viewpoints, socially acceptable methods only. Ball up and start backing your own shit, bitches.

VENUS IN THE FOURTH (4) thesefocused, low key intense hoes are looking for meaning in their core values - they find their worth in reinterpreting and redefining traditional values and ideas. They want to establish their little feelings and their roots in significant, real ways. When they’re out of touch with their feelings: extremeemotional introversion. If you don’t respect your feelings you won’t establish anything that’s actually satisfying, bitches.

VENUS IN THE FIFTH (5) theseready, high key intense hoes are looking for meaning in all experiences that trigger their feelings in a big way - they find their worth in achieving their individual goals, or going out there and seriously representing their chosen crew. The intensity of their (not so) little feelings gives these babies mad creative potential and power. When they’re out of touch with their feelings: shit gets ugly, can feel like they’re living a 100% meaningless life, out of control ego-mania thinking they’re the World Savior. Deal with yourselves, bitches. Please.

VENUS IN THE SIXTH (6) thesesensitive, spiritual hoes are looking for meaning in changes - they find value in all processes of growth and transformation, even the most whack, uncomfortable ones. They can sail through serious, life-altering shit with class, understanding and even pure appreciation because they got the big picture in mind. When they’re out of touch with their feelings: grade A victim, zero sense of self, blown around by other’s desires. Recognize your own shit and check yourselves, bitches.

VENUS IN THE SEVENTH (7)these soft, open hoes are looking for meaning in all human relationships - they find their worth by participating in relationships at a feeling level. No feelings, no good. They need to feel like they’re worth something to others. When they’re out of touch with their feelings: fake as fuck, confusing relationships with no trust holding that shit together. Stop creating meaning where is this none and hold out for the real shit, bitches.

VENUS IN THE EIGHTH (8) thesecreative, driven hoes are looking for meaning in any form of sharing - they find value in reorienting themselves towards deeper, spiritual values and increasing the scope of their connections with others. These babies use meaningful relationships to redefine their connection to themselves. When they’re out of touch with their feelings: personalfulfillment at any cost, will use force, will use others for personal gratification. Find a give and take and have some respect, bitches.

VENUS IN THE NINTH (9)theseimaginative, visionary hoes are looking for meaning in their chosen spiritual and social values - they find value over time, from their own experiences. These babies can look at their lives and really appreciate the beauty in how situations and relationships have played out, layered on each other and expanded over time. When they’re out of touch with their feelings: their way is the only way, every other truth is worthless. You isolate yourselves, bitches.

VENUS IN THE TENTH (10)thesepowerful, sociable hoes are looking for meaning in collective experiences - they find their worth in bringing people together, exploring the power in social dynamics, and bringing new feeling and definition to cultural and artistic pursuits. When they’re out of touch with their feelings: seriouslyrigid valuesand mindset start making certain types of people feel alienated and excluded from the crew. Pretending like you don’t affect everyone around you doesn’t mean you don’t affect everyone around you, bitches.

VENUS IN THE ELEVENTH (11) thesebrilliant, influential hoes are looking for meaning in social attitudes and beliefs - they find value in social structures that are emotionally sound. Shit can’t just look good, it’s also gotta feel good. These babes can use their strong social awareness to be on the cutting edge of social trends anddirect public opinions. When they’re out of touch with their feelings: ugly ass view of themselves leads to social isolation. Set the norm, don’t follow it, bitches.

VENUS IN THE TWELFTH (12)thesemysterious, magnetic hoes are looking for meaning in big energy, big feelings, and big ideals - they find value in tapping into and expressing next-level feelings that stimulate their crew to look for new ways to get shit done and think differently about their lives and relationships. When they’re out of touch with their feelings: tapped out from reality, can only express large, ambiguous feelings in traditional, unhealthy ways. Find another way, bitches.

Let Venus guide you towards the shit you actually care about!! Happy charting, bitches.

XO BULLSHIT FREE ASTROLOGY

BASELINE #9 CHART PATTERNS PT. 1 TRIANGLES

You look at a chart and you start seeing a bunch of random ass triangles everywhere: these are chart patterns. The best way to think about these triangles - red or blue or both - is that they’re about developing some sense of cooperation and harmonybetween three (or more) particular planets.Red triangles do this through balancing, baby blue triangles do this through organizing, big blue triangles do this through building awareness.

Before you get in your feelings about not having a big-ass chart pattern: every chart has a theme,andevery planet has a relationship with every other planet. If you don’t have a fucking triangle in your chart, you still have a theme and your planets are still working together - they just decided a triangle definitely wasn’t what you needed to make it happen for yourself. Don’t stress.

(1) BIG ASS RED TRIANGLE

Some old man told you once that a Red Triangle was bad and a Blue Triangle was good. Then some younger old man tried to flip the script and told you that the Red Triangle was actually good and the Blue Triangle was actually bad. Leave all this worthless information in the past, people.

There is literally no difference between a dealt with Big Red Triangle and a dealt with Big Blue Triangle - they’re both all about producing harmony, cooperation and meaning between three areas of your life - the only difference is in the dealing.

How do I deal with a Red Triangle then? Good question. Red Triangles are pushing you to find the balance and connection between two opposite feelings/ motivations/ viewpoints. You gotta get your polarized life together and recognize that opposites are actually complements, and when they work together your life becomes ridiculous harmonious. To make it happen: you gottameet in the middle. The balance point of the Red Triangle gives you insight into how the opposites can work together and what quality needs to be developed so you can find some balance and enjoy your life. Once you start using the balance point planet to facilitate a working relationship between the two opposing planets, it’s on. They support each other. Your life is dope.

(2) BIG ASS RED SQUARE

The big-ass Square is like a Red Triangle on drugs. This placement always, always shows up when someone is coming into their own - when you’ve gotta decide who you want to be.

Initially, this shit can feel overwhelming - like you’ve got too many options and desires and you don’t know what the fuck to choose and what if your life is gonna turn into some depressing ass Bell Jar shit and now your figs are starting to rot and you still haven’t picked one. Okay. Relax. None of that has to happen. The key to this pattern is to not become paralyzed with indecision. You gotta balance your desires so you can make a damn choice and keep it pushing. Any choice is better than no choice.

Having a big-ass Square in your chart is like getting your PhD in Balance. You’ve gotta put all your effort into understanding your competing desires and not allow one to totally overtake the others - they’ve all gotta cooperate and each one has to find its right place and expression in your life. When you’ve found a way for your shit to come together, this pattern gives you a ridiculously strong foundation andanext level sense of self-acceptance. Inner-harmony at its best.

(3) BIG ASS BLUE TRIANGLE

Big Blue Triangle. Same shit, different way. Like the Red Triangle, this mf-er is highlighting a relationship between three planets that need to find a way to cooperate. Unlike the Red Triangle, balancing isn’t the key to success. The key is building awareness.

These three babies are stuck in a feedback loop - for better or for worse. We’re talking like, birds of a feather flock together type shit. And either those birds fly high and your life soars with next level understanding, or they lose their fucking shit and your life starts to look like a Alfred Hitchcock sequel.

Blue Triangle planets are already down for each other and honestly they don’t care about you - you’ve gotta find a way to cooperate with them and then take control of their dank energy!! The key to success here is to develop some awareness around how these three planets operate and what pattern they’re always playing out. When you build some serious awareness around your actions and life experiences, then you can take charge and control the flow of your life instead of being sucked into it and thrown around like a bitch. After you’ve done the work to expand your awareness, no patterned behavior is gonna get by you - you’ll be able to direct the course of your life in a really rare way.

(4) THIN ASS BLUE TRIANGLE

Little baby is like a hybrid between Thick Red and Thick Blue. Yes - the connection is there; no - they’re not so locked in that you don’t have a say in what goes down; so - to unlock the potential in a Little Blue Triangle you gotta find the most effective way to organize and structure these energies/ areas of your life. A little stability goes a long way.

Baby blue always involves two things: (1) changing values and (2) adapting to these changing values through reorganizing your life. This pattern wants to inspire serious change. You gotta be open to shifts in your perspective, willing to let go of worn out feelings and values, and down to reorganize and restructure your life so it can reflect the newer, healthier shit you’re about. This pattern can be a lot of fun if you stop being a rigid ass bitch. As you work with this shit, you’ll realize you have the potential to manage your feelings, thoughts, and relationships like nobody’s business.

(5) KITE LOOKING THING

Put most of this shit together and you get a Kite. Kite patterns are an opportunity to take on serious responsibility through being accountable for yourself and maturing into a fully functioning human who can cooperate with others. I know you’re sitting there like, “wtf shouldn’t everyone be doing this?” Yes. But some people need a little bit more of a push to make it happen, yo. And the Kite is gonna give it to ya.

This is more than an “I bought a house” level of responsibility though - we’re talking like, taking straight up responsibility for yourself and undergoing a total identity overhaul. It’s helpful when you see a Kite to look at your chart (and yourself) as a Before and After package: the chart is gonna show who you are before you decide to take your life and your emotional wellbeing seriously, and it’s gonna show who you have the potential to become after. But. It’s up to you to decide when to make that move and go through those changes. If you step up to the fucking plate and work with the Kite, you can enjoy the benefits of all the triangle patterns: balance, increased awareness, and a stable, organized life.

Last but not least. The true point of all these particulars is: the particulars aren’t really that important - it’s the processes these placements trigger and the qualities they push you to develop that matter:

BIG RED getting in touch with and respecting your own feelings

BIG BLUE understanding conditioned behaviors and developing self-compassion

LITTLE BLUE learning how to manage your feelings and organize your life successfully

Peace, bitches. Happy charting.

XO BULLSHIT FREE ASTROLOGY

BY REQUEST #7 PLUTO IN THE HOUSES

Pluto is one tiny-ass, slow-ass bitch. That little mf-er takes its sweet time to bring the most serious changes to your life. There’s a lot of confusion about this sweet baby so let’s talk about it.

First:the placement of every planet supports the placement of every other planet. That’s the thing about those celestial bodies, they don’t fuck with spontaneous bitches. No planet is out there getting wild doing its own thing contradicting all the other planets. They’re a complete crew and their cycles are all linked up. We can always talk generally, but you gotta look at your Pluto placement (and any other planet) in the context of the rest of the chart.

Now: Pluto. What’s up with that bitch anyways? Pluto usually brings to mind some shit about sex, obsession, a pheonix rising from the ashes, rebirth, some tarot cards. Alright. Let go of your Scorpio complex and listen up. Pluto does have to do with transformation - but it’s a transformation that’s so intricate,so extreme, by the time you get to the end of it you’re like, “damn am I even the same person I don’t even recognize myself.” Spoiler alert: you’re not the same person cause Pluto is on some generational, evolutional shit. The Pluto way is slow as fuck - any major change is the result of sustained effort over a long period of time.

A Pluto transformation is total. This isn’t some shit you can do in a day and call it good - it’s the slowest, sweetest process of the Zodiac. So naturally, it’s bigger than just you. Bitches, we’re lucky if we live long enough to see a full Uranus cycle, so forget about Pluto. This is a generational process. Yes: Pluto affects you on a personal level, and yes: you can make serious change happen during your life, but this process a slow burn. It deals with transforming deeply conditioned behaviors that go farther back (and forward) than just you and your little life.

Finally: all this is why Pluto and Scorpio and the 8th house are a little family. They’re connected because they all deal with sharing in the deepest parts of life: and it doesn’t get much deeper than the behaviors, patterns and experiences that get passed between us, acted out and carried through generations.

Particulars for the party people:

PLUTO IN THE FIRST (1)conditioned issues with self-image - your whole life is a process of changing how you feel about yourself. Until you put in work to acknowledge the serious shit you’ve been through, you’re gonna battle with extreme feelings of isolation and you’ll feel unable to move forward with your life.

PLUTO IN THE SECOND (2) conditioned beliefs about success - your whole life is a process of coming to terms with your personal history and finding a way to use it as motivation. Until you put in work to acknowledge your deep-ass familial/ social/ historical conditioning, there’s gonna be underlying feelings of dissatisfaction and confusion in everything you do.

PLUTO IN THE THIRD (3) conditioned social anxiety - your whole life is a process of changing how you organize your life and relationships. Until you put in work to acknowledge your feelings of inferiority and insecurity, you’re gonna be seriously anal about your surroundings and it’s gonna be hard for you to really feel at ease when you’re out and about.

PLUTO IN THE FOURTH (4) conditioned self-suppression and isolation - your whole life is a process of developing a rock solid connection with yourself. Until you put in work to acknowledge your tendancy to repress everything about yourself and project it onto everyone else, you’re gonna struggle to genuinely engage and share creatively with others.

PLUTO IN THE FIFTH (5) conditioned struggles with self-expression - your whole life is a process of coming to terms with your social influence and power. Until you put in work to actually acknowledge the effect your actions and presence have on your environment and the people in your life, your lack of self-awareness and self-control is gonna alienate the people around you.

PLUTO IN THE SIXTH (6) conditioned issues with personal responsibility - your whole life is a process of learning how to take sensible, direct actions to improve your quality of life (emotional, physical, or mental). Until you put in work to acknowledge that you’re responsibile for yourself, your choices and your relationships, you’re gonna feel like a helpless victim of your circumstances.

PLUTO IN THE SEVENTH (7) conditioned unaccountability in relationships - your whole life is a process of learning how to confidently set a positive tone for your relationships. Until you put in work to acknowledge your passive-ass, unaccountable way of dealing with others, you’re going to experience tension and dissatisfaction in relationships.

PLUTO IN THE EIGHTH (8) conditioned struggles with power and connection - your whole life is a process of developing compassion and acceptance for yourself and others and finding a healthy balance in relationships. Until you put in work to acknowledge your desire for power and control, you’re going to constantly feel dissatisfied, lonely and resentful.

PLUTO IN THE NINTH (9) conditioned belief systems - your whole life is a process of finding the right mixture of beliefs and principles to structure your actions around. Until you put in work to acknowledge that you’ve allowed some whack-ass, selfish beliefs to condition your actions, you’re going to struggle to maintain your sense of self.

PLUTO IN THE TENTH (10) conditioned issues with social roles - your whole life is a process of utilizing your influence to empower others. Until you put in work to acknowledge that being responsibile for others involves showing them how to be responsibile for themselves, you’re going to make people feel dependent on you and then resent the shit out of them.

PLUTO IN THE ELEVENTH (11) conditioned social carelessness - your whole life is a process of finding an appropriate social balance. Until you put in the work to acknowledge that you can be totally unaware of your responsibilities when dealing with others, you’re going to make the people around you feel constant frustration and exasperation.

PLUTO IN THE TWELFTH (12) conditioned self-delusion - your whole life is a process of becoming aware and taking control of yourself. Until you put in work to acknowledge that you get completely caught up and swept away by the collective mood (and then lie to yourself about it), you’re going to feel like life moves too fast for you and you can’t keep up.

Don’t forget: these are life-long themes that take opportunity on opportunity to actually deal with and refine. It takes sustained effort over a long period of time for Pluto to do its job. Just stick with it and you’ll be fine.

Peace, bitches.

XO BULLSHIT FREE ASTROLOGY

BY REQUEST #5 MARS (IN THE HOUSES)

A lot of bitches wanting to know what’s up with Mars so let’s talk about that shit.

First: Mars does not have shit to do with anger or who you’re trying to fuck so throw that belief right into the past.

Mars is about opportunities for change. Without Mars, there‘s nothing new. You’re just a stagnant ass bitch forever. Where Mars falls in your chart shows you where you’re way energized with new experiences andopportunities for growth. Mars chills in the house where you’re going to experience the most learningthroughout your life. How you play out your Mars placement completely depends on how open you are to change.

As always, some particulars for the party people:

MARS IN THE FIRST (1) gonna have opportunities to see things through like nobody can, be their #1 supporter, and fight for their right to be themselves. When they’re bitching out: totally intolerant, just wanna argue.

MARS IN THE SECOND (2) gonna have opportunities to utilize their inherited abilities and become more productive than any other bitch. When they’re bitching out: totally wasting their resources and relationships, got zero self-control.

MARS IN THE THIRD (3) gonna have opportunities to break away from tradition, take mental initiatives and be a straight up free thinker. When they’re bitching out: totally negative towards their surroundings, dogmaticthinking.

MARS IN THE FOURTH (4) gonna have opportunities to communicate all the mf-ing shit they got going on inside and make something real out of their inner-activity. When they’re bitching out: totally unable to communicate, extreme emotional introversion, on some superficial shit.

MARS IN THE FIFTH (5) gonna have opportunities to use their next-level will power, have complete faith in themselves and crush any fear of failure. When they’re bitching out: totally reckless with desires, as emotionally immature as they come.

MARS IN THE SIXTH (6) gonna have opportunities to create a better quality or way of life for themselves - emotionally or physically - and put in some work. When they’re bitching out: totally ruthless as fuck, burning themselves out, zero self-care.

MARS IN THE SEVENTH (7) gonna have opportunities to use their personal energy as a gift to others and completely involve themselves in something outside the self. When they’re bitching out: totally use relationships as an excuse to not deal with themselves, peace out from reality.

MARS IN THE EIGHTH (8) gonna have opportunities to have positive social relationships, utilize collective resources and push for social improvements. When they’re bitching out: totally cynical, “what’s the use” attitude, self-destructiveactivities.

MARS IN THE NINTH (9) gonna have opportunities to experience personal growth through relationships and come away from any mf-ing experience with increased understanding. When they’re bitching out: totally personally involved, way tooemotionallyimmature to access larger issues in life.

MARS IN THE TENTH (10) gonna have opportunities to make meaningful contributions to society and havea serious focus on their career and/or place in the world. When they’re bitching out: totally selfish, only want power and control over others, ruthless ambition.

MARS IN THE ELEVENTH (11) gonna have opportunities to use their strong social and/or cultural sense to turn ideals into real life shit. When they’re bitching out: totally clashing with friends and family, can’t see shit from the big picture.

MARS IN THE TWELFTH (12) gonna have opportunities to make their actions align with deep ass motives and use their quirky ass gifts for good. When they’re bitching out: totally out of control, fearful self-sabotage.

”All this shit applies to me.” Good, it should. We all experience all the phases. Where Mars falls in your natal just shows which phase will be the most pronounced throughout your life.

Happy acting, babies.

XO BULLSHIT FREE ASTROLOGY

NEW MOON ASTROLOGY - 3 JUNE 2019

Happy New Moon, little babies. Gemini season. Time for another month of celestial changes brought to you by our one and only Moon. Gotta love her. Here’s what you should keep in mind as you drag yourself though the next four weeks:

GEMINI DEALS WITH CONDITIONED BEHAVIOR AND BELIEFS

Shit builds up over time - behaviors, beliefs, activities. When we’re repeatedly exposed to the same experiences and information, they slowly solidify into our reality and we just accept that shit as “the way things are” (thanks, Taurus). But, before we all hate like, “yeah fuck conditioning reality is an illusion,” hold up. Bitch, we still gotta live on the Earth. A life with no clear structure or underlying beliefs or moral code or rootedness in reality is a gaurenteed shit show. The only problem with having unshakable beliefs is that when your rigid-ass mindset is whack as fuck, you can end up being crazy unhealthy forever just because you never learned to be anything different.

The Gemini goal is to get its exploration on so it can discover all the shit that’s out there, learn different ways to be, and create the life (and behavior) it wants for itself. However, none of this beautiful shit is possible without the starting point Taurus provided. It doesn’t matter how whack that starting point was - without it, Gemini has no way to check its progress or gauge its direction.

WHAT DOES THAT HAVE TO DO WITH ME?

All these lunar cycles connect to each other (shocker). Last month was all about considering the information you consume - literal info, yes, but also emotional information from your friends and family and the information you feed yourself about yourself. (Self worth is conditioned over time, bitches.) This month, you got solar support to make a move and start exploring different information and ideas. We’re all in this place where we know we wanna change, we’re ready for it, but all we got is a hazy idea about what post-“change” looks like and means for us in our lives. Not there yet.

The best thing you can do for yourself over the next month is to think about who you want to be and then seek out information that can help show you the way. You’re not the first bitch to change your life; go learn from all the others out there, and let them learn from you. Put yourself in a position to have new experiences - spend time with people who don’t treat you like shit for once in your life, read a fucking book. Whatever. Your life, your particulars.

Also, think about where you started and how far you’ve come. Change is all good and well, do it up do your thing, but appreciate the moves you’ve made so far. Recognize that any time you even attempt to change a conditioned belief you have about yourself or the world, you’re doing hard work and you’re making serious progress. Get it, babies.

In short: get out there and do the damn thing. If you want to change your mind - if you want to change how you respond and feel about the world - then get the fuck out there and learn a different way of doing things. Doesn’t mean you should blindly adopt a new set of behaviors, it means you should start to explore new ways of living and then take all the little pieces you like, put them together, and create your very own dope ass life.

Peace, people. Happy New Moon.

THE PLANETS #1 THE SUN

The Sun, like everything else in Astrology, gets misunderstood and played out. Yes, we know there’s more to you than just your Sun sign. But that doesn’t mean the Sun suddenly isn’t important.

Let’s make this shit super simple. Metaphor style: If your life is a journey, then the Moon is your car (or your bike for my little environmental freaks) and the Sun is your fuel. The energy of your Sun sign propels you through your life. It’s constantly pushing you forward. Being in the know about your Sun sign can help you understand why you choose certain experiences and people. (Sound familiar to Mars? Cool. It should.)

When you look at the Sun and Moon together, you can get a general idea of how a personapproaches life and what actionsandattitudes they need to develop for success.

(As always, the house a planet is in will tell you more than the sign, but I know none of you hoes have all your house placements memorized.)

Particulars for the party people:

ARIES SUN bitches fueled by the desire to let go of the past, start fresh, and give themeselves a new life and identity. Must learn: you can’t force other people to change too. Sorry.

TAURUS SUN bitches fueled by the desire to establish themselves, feel real, and get some damn props for doin it right. Must learn: making all the decisions doesn’t make you right, it makes you controlling.

GEMINI SUN bitches fueled by the desire to discover themselves, understand their own conditioning, and recognize shit for what it really is. Must learn: you’ll die in a hole of details if you don’t keep in mind the bigger picture.

CANCER SUN bitches fueled by the desire to feel connected and bound to something/one/ones, develop a next level sense of devotion, and create something real. Must learn: you do not have to sacrifice yourself to have a good life.

LEO SUN bitches fueled by the desire to express themselves, develop their identity, and get caught doin it ayeee. Must learn: anything can be played out in a constructive or destructive way. Choose wisely.

VIRGO SUN bitches fueled by the desire to improve themselves/ others/ shit, take care of they business, and build their character up. Must learn: to open up.

LIBRA SUN bitches fueled by the desire to be part of something bigger, find relationships between unrelated shit, and get their metamorphosis on. Must learn: to stop being scared and get the fuck out there.

SCORPIO SUN bitches fueled by the desire to find the right crew, feel seen and accepted by others, and discover what true fellowship feels like. Must learn: manipulating people into giving you the response you want is ultimately not satisfying.

SAG SUN bitches fueled by the desire to understand their life experiences, make sense of themselves, and get their damn message across. Must learn: to stop running away from your shit.

CAPRICORN SUN bitches fueled by the desire to connect others through action, keep to their chosen set of moral standards, and achieve whatever goals they set out for themselves. Must learn: how to set some mf-ing healthy boundaries.

AQUARIUS SUN bitches fueled by the desire to make a legit contribution to society, totally self-manage themselves and their lives, and find some fucking peace of mind. Must learn: when you repress shit that’s happened to you, you’re setting your ass up for a midlife crisis.

PISCES SUN bitches fueled by the desire to find something that lasts, release old ass patterns of behavior, and tap into natural and societal rhythms. Must learn: peacing out from reality does not mean you suddenly rose above it, it means you peaced out from reality.

If you’re sitting there like, “well I identify with all this shit,” good. The zodiac is a complete cycleof growth and all of us go through all of the phases. The Sun just shows which phase is most pronounced over the course of your life.

Peace, people.

XO BULLSHIT FREE ASTROLOGY

Happy Full Moon, sweet babies. Time again for some lunar wisdom brought to you by your one and only Moon.  

Are you over yourself? Are you over every motherfucking thing in your life? If one more person talks to you will you punch them in the face? Good. That’s how you should be feeling. This Full Moon is all about hitting a harsh restart.  Don’t feel bad if you’ve been the most judgmental, most dissatisfied person in the world lately. If you weren’t feeling sick of your own shit, then you’d have no reason to start fresh. Here’s what you should know to make the most outta the next two weeks:

(1) NOTHING LASTS

And guess what? That shit is not a bad thing. All you motherfuckers out there like, “childhood was so simple wish I could go back there.” You really wish you could be out here shitting your pants not knowing how to use a fork? Please. We all go through phases, and thank God(dess) those phases don’t last. Even, especially, the ones we romanticize. You’re always growing - it shows an incredible amount of compassion, maturation and understanding accept that you’ve changed, let worn out shit go, and move forward with your life. You gotta gently let old friends, lovers, experiences float away like leaves in the fall - make room for new buds, let yourself enter a new period of your life. If you don’t, you’ll just be left with the same crusty ass shit season after season. Not a great look. 

(2) WHAT COMES NEXT?

That’s some shit you’re going to need to ask yourself, yo. Everyone is different, and everyone is outgrowing different things. If you’re dying for a new start, but you have no idea where to begin, then you need to ask yourself what you want. Some better friends? A better job? A better attitude? Think about what’s right for you and then fucking go for it, commit to a new life, stop crying about it. No more half-assing. You got this, so go for it. 

(3) TRUST YOURSELF 

As always, you know better than anyone. You need to trust your intuition and use that jazz to evaluate the opportunities that come to you.  This is not the time to be a pussy ass bitch, this is the time to be strong and trust that you know what’s best for you, even if everyone around you is still on some basic bitch shit. It isn’t you, it really is the rest of the world that’s trippin. Tune that jam out and move towards the future with some fucking positivity and pizzazz. 

In short bitches, it’s time to move on. Be brave. Let old shit be old, and let new shit be new. Trust your intuition, make decisions, and be happy about it. I mean, damn, life is hard enough, you don’t need to make it any harder on yourself by being miserable. 

Peace, people. Lunar lovin from me to you.

XO BULLSHIT FREE ASTROLOGY 

BY REQUEST #4 URANUS IN TAURUS

Whaddup bitches, you ask I answer. We got Uranus starting its long ass transit through Taurus.Why should I care about this? Honestly, you shouldn’t. Uranus moving into Taurus isn’t saying anything new, but it does support the theme of “be an individual” we’ve got going on right now. Here’s what you need to know:

(1) TAURUS

First,forget everything you know about Taurus. On some superficial shit, yes, the OG Earth sign is about luxury and possessions and money. But when we play it out this way, we miss out on the deep shit going on with Taurus. Really, Taurus is about validationandcertification of worth. Taurus isn’t trying to sit and home and feel good about itself. Taurus gotta make something happen. Taurus wants to be real. Resources, physical things, time-tested values and beliefs, all this shit validates Taurus and tells it: hey, look what you got, you actually exist, you’re worth something.

Earth signs are all about supporting. Taurus is focused on gaining resources, no doubt. But the motivation behind this is to utilize resources as a firm foundation to support the development of bigger and better things.

(2) URANUS

Uranus brings on creative change.What does that even mean? It meansUranus triggers a process where you change direction, broaden your way of thinking, empower others, and make change happen in a big way.

Uranusspeeds shit up, people get cracked out on Uranus energy man. When Uranus energy hits, areas of your life where you once were chillin, you’ll suddenly be making all kinds of moves. Sounds great. Not always - that shit can be very hard to handle if you don’t have a handle on yourself. Uranus energy can sweep you up and sail you away from reality. Not a good look. It’s important to use your damn brain and stay focused on making intentional, positive changes, instead of just changing for changes sake.

(3) TAURUS + URANUS

When you put these two bad boys together on the societal level you get: atotal rehaul of societal values,completely different ways ofmanaging collective resources, and an entirely new interpretation of the past. So, over the next seven to eight years, the collective mood towards resources, values and the definition of individuality are going to move in an entirely new direction.

The important shit to note is this: whatever beliefs, values and structures truly take root over this little transit will be the societal standard that people look towards for validation until Uranus gets back around to Taurus again. That shit is no joke!!

On a lighter note, the Uranus in Taurus transit is a good time to think about how you personally define “wealth,” and what standards you feel you need to meet in your life to be “worth something” to others.

Good shit. Peace, bitches.

XO BULLSHIT FREE ASTROLOGY

Happy New Moon, Astrology bitches! It’s time for your monthly does of wisdom brought to you by your one and only favorite pseudoscience. We’ve got a pretty intense cycle coming up, so get ready. Here’s what you need to know:

New Moon is in Taurus. Whenever Taurus shit shows up on the radar, we know we’re gonna be dealing with the past and looking at howthe past continues to affect us in the present. That shit in itself has been a major theme over the past year, so now that we’re actually in Taurus, it’s about to get extra serious.

What you really gotta think about during the coming cycle isinformation. Yes, we all know, we’re being hit with messages all day every day blah blah blah conditioning behavior. But, we’re also being spoon fed information from our families since we were motherfucking born. And that shit is shaping our identity, influencing our choices, and conditioning our actions from day one all the way until we decide to do something about it.

Over the coming month, bitches gotta be brave enough to look at information with discernment,especially information that’s been passing though family lines or close social circles. Is that shit legit or not? Are you out here checking the archives or are you still using Wikipedia as a source? Are you ignoring wisdom from the past just to be about something else, or because you’ve actually reflected on it? Are you buying into wisdom from the past just because that’s what you’re used to, or because you’ve decide that shit is actually valid? What pieces are you going to keep, and what pieces need to be left behind?

The coming cycle is about looking at information with a critical eye, and looking at your own experiences with a critical eye too, so you can identify what information you’ve been buying into to feed your own hype, and what information is actually gonna push you towards making a better life for yourself. Said it before, will say it again: the goal is to be more and more yourself, and less and less a living bundle of conditioned behaviors and feelings.

Happy New Moon. Peace, people.

XO BULLSHIT FREE ASTROLOGY

THE SIGNS #7 CANCER

Fucking Cancer. Man, this sign is right up there with the Most Misunderstood. Actually, mainstream Astrology limits the shit out of Cancer and doesn’t even remotely touch on what’s really going on with this way-deep-in-it babe.

What’s the deal with Cancer? We all think Cancer has what, something to do with crying and having a family? Right. So. We don’t actually know shit.

First things first: Cancer heavy people are hard to spot. Why? Because trueCancer energy is private, intimate, and internally experienced. The opposite of Capricorn, which is a public, communal and externally experienced sign. Complements for a reason.

On some foundational shit, Cancer is about feeling connected -not just to your friends and family, but to everyone. The thing is, feelings are personal and require nothing and no one but you. Where Capricorn is connecting to everyone through tangible actions,Cancer is the pure feelings of unity, compassion and connection that gets bitches pumped up to eventually go get their Capricorn on and take action.

The takeaway here is this: no one knows what the fuck is going on inside Cancer unless it gets communicated. Through action or otherwise. Sure, Cancer, you might be sitting there feeling all the feelings and having all the desires and wanting to share all the love and understanding and actually be connected with others, but until you spill that shit, you just look like a silent-ass bitch sitting in your living room and no one actually knows what’s going on with you.

Cancer comes after Gemini for a reason, people. Gemini gets communication locked in, so that it can eventually communicate something worth sharing: personalfeelings.

Too often what happens is Cancer heavy people play themselves out, get overly attatched to their own feelings and then refuse to share them in a healthy way because they just inwardly decided that no one would ever understand them. Not a good look. Get your shit together and be real with the people you love, damn. What’s the point of having all those feelings and desires if you aren’t going to share them?

Cancer is Cardinal. What’s that mean? It means it has some fucking shit to start. Cancer’s responsibility is to learn how to share its feelings - its motherfucking identity - in a genuine way, to set an example for others. Why is Cancer the bitch for the job? Cause in knowing its own unique, individual feelings, Cancer can respect that everyone else has their own feelings too - so it can share with respect and awareness.

At its healthiest, Cancer is more in touch with its feelings, desires and identity than any other sign. But it’s not supposed to end there - Cancer, you gotta be able to share yourself, your real self, not the bullshit facade you put together to keep all the real parts of you on lock. Draw a picture and get over it. You gotta try and communicate what’s going on inside you with kindness and compassion - it’s up to you to show the world how it’s done.

Peace, bitches.

XO BULLSHIT FREE ASTROLOGY

NEW MOON ASTROLOGY - 5 APRIL 2019

Happy New Moon, people! The first of the new Zodiac year. In honor of baby Aries I’m keeping shit short and mf-ing sweet. 

All the Virgos out there who actually look at the picture of the chart have noticed that we’ve had a series of New Moons starting at 16º. Why should I give a fuck about this petty detail? Cause signs are broken into halves (1 -15º and 16 - 30º) and each half has a different theme. So, we’re dealing exclusively with the second half of Aries, and the theme of Aries pt. 2 is Potential.

Before you get in your feelings about it, everyone has potential and everyone’s potential looks different. We’re all here for different reasons, yo. But whatever your shit is about, the coming month is about turning what was once a little dream into a concrete reality.

For some of you, it’s gonna be as abstract as just privately acknowledging feelings you usually repress the shit out of; for others, it’s gonna be as plain fucking Jane as buying a Rolls. Whatever. The particular doesn’t matter. What does matter is that it’s time to solidify some of the things you’ve been thinking about, feeling, working on over the past year.

Aries is not about being aggressive and doing the most. Aries is about transformation and expansion through new experiences. Whatever experiences come your way this month, they’re meant to trigger you into making a move to actualize some of your power. And through doing that, help you take your shit to the next level.

Peace, bitches.

XO BULLSHIT FREE ASTROLOGY

BY REQUEST #3 STELLIUMS

What the fuck is a stellium?It’sa bunch of planets in one sign. How many? No one can agree, yo. Some old men said three, other old men said four. Who cares. Just pick a number and roll with it - it really just depends on the planets involved and the vibe of the chart as a whole. You gotta decide what’s significant.

Listen, this is some foundational knowledge: where your planets fall show where you need extra support. You don’t have Sun in Aries because you naturally know how to let go of things and move forward with your life, you have Sun in Aries because you gotta learn how to let go of things and move forward with your life.

By that same mf-ing logic, if you have a damn stellium got seventeen planets in one sign, you’re working over time with that particular energy. You’ve got mad growing and understanding and learning to do, and a double dose of whatever sign will help you accomplish that shit.

(Can you have a stellium in a house? For sure. But we’ll deal with that later.)

Now, some particulars for the party people:

STELLIUM IN ARIES damn, you better stop projecting your shit onto everyone else and develop some faith in yourself so you can actually move your shit in a new direction

STELLIUM IN TAURUS damn, you better curb your fear of failure asap and spend some time thinking about what wealth, happiness and relationships actually mean to you

STELLIUM IN GEMINI damn, you better get a motherfucking grip on yourself and go explore everything under the sun so you can figure out who you are

STELLIUM IN CANCER damn, you better stop floating the fuck out of reality and ground yourself down so you can communicate those feelings in a real way

STELLIUM IN LEO damn, you better reflect and decide if you’re setting a constructive or destructive tone for your life and relationships before you do the most

STELLIUM IN VIRGO damn, you better develop some self-acceptanceandcompassion so you can actually improve things instead of always feeling dissatisfied and upset

STELLIUM IN LIBRA damn, you better figure out how you want to approach the world so you and everyone around you can be their best

STELLIUM IN SCORPIO damn, you better work out some of that serious shit you been repressing so you can rise the fuck up out of it and leave it behind

STELLIUM IN SAG damn, you better recognize that everyone has a truth before you get out there and share the knowledge

STELLIUM IN CAPRICORN damn, you better think about whether or not you actually like how you’re living before you lock yourself into a situation that’s unbearable

STELLIUM IN AQUARIUS damn, you better get your motherfucking life together so people will take your smart ass seriously

STELLIUM IN PISCES damn, you better let go of all the ugly ass behaviors and habits you picked up along the way so you can actually be happy

Peace out, bitches.

XO BULLSHIT FREE ASTROLOGY

BY REQUEST #2 CHIRON TRANSITION INTO ARIES

Yo, bitches. Chiron - you wanna know, so here we go. First things first, remember that the position of every planet (or asteroid) supports the position of every other planet in the sky. Chiron moving from Pisces into Aries isn’t saying anything new, it’s just another supporting character in the dank transition we’ve got playing out right now.

Bitches are up Chiron’s ass. Probably because we’re all hurting and Chiron got pegged as the “wounded healer.” But does this actually have anything to do with what Chiron represents? Kinda, but it misses the point.

Let’s go back to the mythology: Chiron is an immortal centaur, he’s straight chillin doing his thing, wise af and not a dick so everybody loves him. He’s got mad healing powers. Until he gets shot up by a poison arrow. Fuck! He can’t heal himself, so he sacs his immortality in exchange for Prometheus’s freedom from that fucking rock prison where he’s been getting his eyes eaten out every day. Great, uplifting story.

The point is: Chiron couldn’t heal himself. He was fucked! Not a wounded healer, didn’t heal shit. He transformed his ugly ass situation into something else so that it wouldn’t become a lifelong regret. When you look at it this way, Chiron represents transformational regret. Where it falls represents an area of your life where there’s potential for you to look back later on and think, “dang, wish I had handled that differently,” so you’ve gotta totally transform your approach and perspective on the situation.

Chiron has been in Pisces for eight years. This means that over the past decade, all of us have been dealing with powerful collective energy, unfinished business, and relationships and experiences coming to a close.We needed to change our approach and perspective on letting go, or we may look back in a few years like, “shit, shoulda dropped this when I had the chance.”

Now,Chiron is moving into Aries. It’s gonna be there for a while. What this means is over the coming decade, we need to change our perspective and approach to individuality. You gotta put in some work to break away from that Pisces collective energy suck and turn the focus back to yourself. You may regret it later on if you don’t take every opportunity to really be true to you over the next eight years.

Is this Chiron specific? No. Lots of planets are in or moving towards that Pisces area and then on into the Aries future. We’re all starting fresh in a big way, and Chiron supports the current overarching societal theme of “becoming your authentic self.” Blah blah, woo woo bullshit. You get the picture.

Peace, bitches.

XO BULLSHIT FREE ASTROLOGY

FULL MOON ASTROLOGY - 20 MARCH 2019

Happy Full Moon, little bitches. Welcome back to Aries Season. Spring is here and we’re back around to the beginning again. Look at that chart for a second - shit is whack! Ha - not really. It looks complicated, but it’s actually mad simple.

(1) “I FEEL LIKE I SHOULD BE DOING MORE”

No, stop. You’re already doing too much. Whenever we hit a harsh stellar re-start (like the Equinox) there’s a burst of energy. Total freshness. All that dank energy can make you feel agitated, and trip you up into thinking you gotta make moves ASAP. Chill. Seriously. For success during the next two weeks, you really gotta put some work into acknowledging your own limitations. Goals and plans are good and necessary, but you’re gonna be better served this time around if you just stop where you are, feel up on that sweet-sweet energy passing through and appreciate where you’re at and where you’ve come from. We’re working on managing being happy and content with exactly where we’re at - part of that islooking yourself in the face and saying, “it’s cool, I accept you, fucked up shit and all - not trying to change shit about you today.” Easier said than done? Yep. But we gotta start somewhere.

(2) SHOW YOUR RELATIONSHIPS SOME APPRECIATION

When we talk about “being in relationships,” that shit can be as general as being a member of the mathletes, or as precise as the relationship between you and your dog. It doesn’t matter how many or how sentient the members are - whatever pair or group you’re part of, time to show that shit some major appreciation. Full Moon is in Libra, right? The relationship between Aries and Libra looks like this: Aries want to be itself;Libra provides a relationship or a group where all the little Aries have a reason to step up and be themselves together. As the philosophy bitches will tell you, you can’t have a self without an other defining it. But forget this jargon. The point is: whoever gives you that space to just be yourself, appreciate it. Whether it’s your homie, your hoe, or your houseplant - stop and feel motherfucking blessed to be part of that shit! Good gracious, bask in those relationships. Then say thank youandshow some love.

That’s it. Nothing crazy. Nothing scary. These next two weeks are about appreciation and acceptance. It’s a new beginning, so make it new. Try to accept yourself, and make moves to appreciate the people in your life who accept you even when you don’t accept yourself.

Smooth sailing, bitches. Happy Spring.

XO BULLSHIT FREE ASTROLOGY