#in my feelings
It’s too hot outside!!!! (Wait for it)
You used to be everything to me, then all at once, you became nothing at all.
It kinda sucks when you find a really good tiktok or post or literally anything and your first thought is Omg I wanna send this to that person. The friend who would get It and find humor and value from It. And then you remember they don’t even want to talk to you. And you’ve been coping really well but suddenly the depression of It all really hits because you still don’t know what you did to deserve this. And then that tiktok or post is ruined for you.
Had to see what the hype was about, I guess.
“you never saw my birthmark” in little freak is just so!!! vulnerable and pathetic and desperate . desperate for that kind of intimacy, that hopeful feeling of being with someone !!!! and when they leave, when they have to leave, you’re left with the things you couldn’t do together and the time you couldn’t spend with each other and you get filled with this strange anxiety and longing where you feel like a part of you left with them and that you actually had a lot to say but they’re not here and maybe, they never will and they still left parts not only on your body but also your heart untouched and undiscovered and you’ll never get to experience that kind of intimacy with that person
Ugh…I love and hate this
Like, I love having celebrity crushes, and I love being able to adore and support someone and see them achieve great things. But also, like I wanna be held and personally know them and have some sort of relationship with them. Like it gives me such a chaotic, restless, and just weird feeling. I’m sorry just in my emotions rn but can anyone relate? Idk was just going through the Hozier tag and he’s just such a beautiful person I can’t handle it
Just wanna give some love to some of my faves
They say I’m to young to love you…
*ೃ˚My clothes still smell like you
And all the photographs say you’re still young
I pretend I’m not hurt
And go about the world like I’m havin’ fun *ೃ˚
Follow me on tiktok?
plant study
plant study
“Don’t shape yourself
Around anyone
Around anything
Be free form..”
“It’s funny
I am free form
Though
I feel
I am not free from
This weighty feeling
Of both nothing
And everything
All at once
A hollow heaviness
That coexists
And contradicts
With and against
My life force..”
Maileta /// i cannot move
“And even if I do let you stay..
And if I were to fall apart
At any given moment
There is a difference in
What could you possibly do?
And what would you possibly do?
If the answer
Hangs itself for too long
Please don’t bother.
After all, I’ve simply
Found myself hanged by
The dark silhouette
That looks so familiar
To his.”
Maileta /// chasing your shadow
“Oh, what I wouldn’t give to feel your life force entwine with mine..”
Maileta /// intimacy
“I joke
And laugh
About myself
Because that’s truly
What I’d think
You’d feel about me.”
Maileta /// self-defense tactic #1
Unfortunately,
This precious love of mine
Will remain foreign,
Unrecognizable
To many.
Therefore,
To preserve your heart
Don’t give more
Than what you’ll ever receive
Though if you choose to,
Gamble well
Or die
In losing everything.
Maileta /// game of life
I didn’t hear what I wanted to hear.
I didn’t feel what I wanted to feel.
In that moment, I just felt like everything wasn’t entirely there.
More like scattered
A part of you here..
A part of me there.
Maybe I want everything.
That can’t be all that there is.
Show me more.
Give me more.
Let it be all
Or simply nothing.
Maileta /// なんでもない。
“Living up to the expectations of your fears is like watching the poison you drink course through the veins in your body.. the darkness simply pushing its way to your heart and back.. I can’t stand to watch it anymore…”
Maileta /// to death, we drink
“I haven’t really been living, have I?
“onlyloving,alwaysloving”
I’vealways thought that I lived only for that..
Maileta /// 1:44 am thoughts
Ah..
Complacency.
Yes.
That’s what it must be..
To grow comfortable
With a neutral feeling.
All is not well
Yet,
All is not lost either.
But what remains
Will always be
Remembered
Though a pitiful excuse
As to why
We are still here.
In the same place
Miserably happy
With the commonplace
Alas, the rollercoaster
Can go on endlessly
Obliviously
Until their heartbeats
Lose pace
And flatline.
Maileta /// familiarplaces
“After tonight, forgive me if I fall apart…”
Maileta /// unready
“Truly, you are indeed the one whom my soul loves..”
Maileta /// unequivocally
“I thank you for those few days that you gave me. Though you probably didn’t know it, they made me feel special to you, even if only slightly.”
“At the end of the day, you can’t stop love. Even when it doesn’t love you back, you’ll find a way. To stay or to leave. Either way, you’ll find your own path. Right or wrong; well rather, if it’s meant to be.. it will be..”
Maileta /// a thank-you note to a stepping stone
This morning, I coughed
So much blood in my hands from
The poison I drank.
Maileta /// a mai-ku i call, death reigns
An experiment of sorts
Where we cannot touch, but only feel;
Though I yearn to make you feel,
More than curiosity.
The unquenchably fiery sensation
That is felt and received by every sense.
What could feel like sex without contact,
Yet a yearning though not for me,
But rather that of empathy
Where you can feel something
Truly more everlasting
Than steamy sessions
And bodily impressions left
In places we plan to frequent.
The lingering of an untraceable feeling;
A residue remaining nonexistent to our nature,
Yet in still, rather sticky and sweet.
A gentle and soothing addiction
That is neither harmful though harmless,
To those with meaningful intention,
And hunger for what may lie
Deeper than love.
Maileta /// beyond the boundaries of the metaphysical
