denying yourself enjoyment of things because you don’t want to be ‘cringe’ is the most cringe thing you can do actually. like what are you, catholic?
like, you’re going to refuse to engage with anything that feeds your emotions with rich and delicious new sensations in case you fall to the temptation of unironically having fun? okay john harvey kellogg jr.
if you’re staring down that looming heat wave and you don’t have ac, or your ac can’t keep up:
put your feet in a tub of water.
just regular tapwater. if you don’t have a bucket or washtub you can use, run a few inches in the bathtub and pull up a chair to the side of it.
this got me through a summer in a sunbaked attic apartment with no AC, in minneapolis, where highs in the 90s are pretty much guaranteed for at least a couple weeks every summer. it was at LEAST 110 in that apartment every day of that hot stretch. i cannot overstate how much soaking your feet helps.
you can also fill a plant mister from the cold tap and mist yourself.
Thank you for taking this journey with me – it has meant so much to hear your stories and share in your triumphs. I hope to be back with more wisdom to pass along. And remember, as long as you never stop learning and never stop growing, you will always be Emma Approved!
No matter how you come to a point of change, though, at some point you need to figure out how to make that change real for yourself – how to transition something from just a thought in your head to actual difference in your life. A few ways to do this include verbalizing the change, allocating resources (including money, time and effort), pursuing education and creating accountability. Hereare just a few examples of how these strategies can manifest themselves in different ways.
Life is short, though I keep this from my children. Life is short, and I’ve shortened mine in a thousand delicious, ill-advised ways, a thousand deliciously ill-advised ways I’ll keep from my children. The world is at least fifty percent terrible, and that’s a conservative estimate, though I keep this from my children. For every bird there is a stone thrown at a bird. For every loved child, a child broken, bagged, sunk in a lake. Life is short and the world is at least half terrible, and for every kind stranger, there is one who would break you, though I keep this from my children. I am trying to sell them the world. Any decent realtor, walking you through a real shithole, chirps on about good bones: This place could be beautiful, right? You could make this place beautiful.
it can be tempting to live your life like a prequel. to live as if you’re setting up your own story.and once you lose the weight, once you have the money, once you graduate school, once you’re in a real relationship, once, once, once. then finally, you’ll begin to live, and everything you do up until that point is some kind of half-life, some unimportant foreword you can skip. don’t do this. inhabit your life completely. sink fully into the wealth of your existence. the power to manifest is in the fearless owning of who you are, so that you can shape where you’re going.
If you’re concerned that openly communicating what’s on your mind will screw up your relationship with someone, then the relationship is already screwed up, and radical honesty might be the only possibility of truly fixing it.
There might still be practical reasons you need to keep up a lie (such as to keep your fundamentalist parents from kicking you out of the house if you’re a gay minor, or to prevent losing an important job). But if there aren’t, then be true to yourself, trust that honesty is for the best, compassionately say what you need to, and let the cards fall where they may.
Leaving the house at least once a day does wonders for fighting seasonal depression. Staying inside all day and not leaving just compounds your mental struggles.
If you are an introvert and think this doesn’t apply to you, just going for a walk with headphones in helps your headspace immensely. No socializing required.
As soon as you get a new puppy or kitten, immediately make it a habit to handle their ears, paws and teeth regularly, while rewarding them with treats and praise!
One of the biggest issues pets have as they’re growing up (or when they’re already grown up), is that they didn’t get enough experience with routine maintenance of these areas. This makes it increasingly difficult to do things like groom them, do vet appointments, and keep their teeth healthy.
If something is wrong with these areas down the road, it’s much easier for everyone if the pet is more willing to cooperate. They’ll be used to these areas being handled and know it’s not a bad thing to be scared of!
If you’re concerned that openly communicating what’s on your mind will screw up your relationship with someone, then the relationship is already screwed up, and radical honesty might be the only possibility of truly fixing it.
There might still be practical reasons you need to keep up a lie (such as to keep your fundamentalist parents from kicking you out of the house if you’re a gay minor, or to prevent losing an important job). But if there aren’t, then be true to yourself, trust that honesty is for the best, say what you need to, and let the cards fall where they may.
[grabs your shirt] listen. listen to me. the practical is holy. the everyday is sacred. the simple act of surviving is divine. do you get it? sanctity begins at home, in the hands that build and the lives we live and the deaths we die and the worms that eat our bodies. if making something by hand is not worthy of veneration then nothing is.
The life you dream of may end up not becoming true. It is frustrating and incredibly sad. But it doesn’t mean you cannot build another type of life, maybe even a better one that you had imagined, it doesn’t mean you should stop dreaming because you think you are destined to fail. Dare to dream. Try again and again to find a new life that suits your current needs and your environment. What is life, but not for trying to live it?
Here is my opinion as a recruiter (of course recruiting is highly subjective and everyone has their own biases in hiring)
1. If its your first job after a gap, don’t say its a health reason. They will probably not ask more but they’ll probably mentally downgrade you because ‘Are they really okay to come back to work?’ If it’s further back, it’ll be less of an issue. This goes triple for any job that is physical.
2. Depending on hiring person, I find 'I was caring for a family member full time’ to be a good reason for a gap that I won’t question.
3. If you have the opportunity while in a gap, get a certification or degree. Then you can use that as a reason for your gap and it could potentially turn the view of that gap from negative to positive.
4. If you have a “good” reason, most people understand. I speak to people daily who were a Covid layoff and we don’t count this gap against them. I also sometimes talk to people who have to explain gaps around 2008 with “Well that was during the financial crisis” and I go say no more I understand.
4. If you don’t have a “good” reason, pretend you do. Don’t lie but make it sound like the gap was a thing you chose. “I had the opportunity after leaving my last job to take a few months before looking for work again.” “I was able to work on building my home business (Ebay, etsy, etc), but now I’m looking for something more stable.”
These are all really great and very helpful, thanks for sharing!!!
Not to sound like a 90s shallow prep, but how you dress can affect your self esteem, and putting energy into wearing things you actively like and projecting an ideal of yourself through fashion instead of seeing clothes as things you have to put on out of obligation helps.
It also can give you a sense of control over your appearance that you otherwise wouldn’t have lmao
I bought a cape because of this
this post is written in a humorous tone but this is the realest shit.
two years ago i wore baggy sweatpants and flip flops every day because i was depressed but then decided eh to hell with it and bought some black edgy emo clothes bc thats how i always wanted to dress but never got a chance to and it was only then that i realized that the sweatpants flip flops look was just keeping me in my depression funk. i didnt like the way i looked and i didnt identify with the clothes i was wearing and it only made me feel worse.
i then went through my entire wardrobe and got rid of everything that made me feel that way.
now i have multiple outfit possibilities requiring different levels of effort but on days where putting on clothes just seems like a project i just have to put on black jeans and a band t-shirt and i can still feel good about the way i look which is a really good way to start off my day.
i can not recommend this approach to clothing enough.
Can I just say this is the healthiest mindset related post I have seen on this sight and I want every single person on here to read this
Yo, as someone approaching 30 I thought for the longest time I was “too old” to follow my goth dreams but you know what? I saw Taliesin Jaffe and Satine Phoenix and David Tennant as Anthony Janthony Crowley rocking the goth style in one way or another and I said dammit if they can do it so can I. So I do. I’m out today wearing clothes that make me happy just being in them rather than just wearing clothes that cover me suitably, and it is the biggest difference in the world.
Chase your joy. Wear clothes that make you feel good.
aka how to combat your impulse to spend hours and hours on social media…
Spending time on social media can be good-ONLY IF you’re only browsing when you want to. Sometimes I get stuck browsing through Instagram even when I don’t want to. Even when I tell myself, “This is enough,” “I have homework to do,” “I want to stop browsing.” Even if I want to stop, I can’t. Then it becomes a problem.
Remember - no one else can tell you how to live your life. For some people, 5 hours a day of social media is fun, stress-relieving, and good. For other people, 1 hour a day is too much. Figure out how much time YOU want to spend online, not your mom, not your teacher, not your friends, certainly not me. If you decide you want to cut down on your screen time, keep reading…
Figure out when and why you’re glued to the screen. To procrastinate? To relieve anxiety or stress? Because you’re bored or angry? Some other reason?
Think about some alternative things you could do instead. This will largely depend on your personal interests. To help you with ideas, here’s my list of “alternatives to scrolling through my phone:”
Rent a movie to watch and possibly invite a friend (or go solo!)
Practice guitar & write music
Draw some art, doodle, sketch
Go out for a quick run, especially if it’s nice outside
Clean and tidy up around the house
Do homework
Check out a just-for-fun book to read from the library
Meditate
Make an action plan and follow through. Write down the exact amount of hours you’ll give yourself each day to mindlessly browse through social media, and time yourself. When the timer is up, stop. Make it a habit. If you’re bored, go through your list of “alternative things to do.” If there’s nothing on the list that interests you, make a new list or add to your existing list.
You don’t have to be perfect. It’s okay if you miss a day or two - you’re not a failure. Remember, you’re doing this for yourself, not for a grade or for someone else. Get back on track as quickly as you can.
It’s not too early (or too late) to start today. No need to wait until New Years’, the beginning of next month, tomorrow, or any later date. You can start right now, even if it’s 10:15 PM at night or 3:02 AM in the morning.
best way I have found to comfort people who are endlessly apologetic of things outside their control (often as a result of shitty relationships) is the jokingly hyperbolic accusation of [gasp] “so you’re behind it all!”
like someone giving me directions who starts apologizing profusely when I miss a light as if it’s their fault–[gasp] “it was you who petitioned city council to build this intersection in 1893!!” because it snaps them out of it and they laugh like. oh yeah. that’s a ridiculous thing to blame someone for. I’m not that guy. you’re not that guy. it works.
You do not have to be affectionate all the time to care for someone, in fact, caring can also mean a couple of texts or silence for a few days while you both live your lives happily and separately.
People do not care for you less when they’re busy with their own lives. It’s your reaction to them being their own person - and your ability to make yourself happy - that determines how they feel about you.
Not everyone reciprocates to your actions the same way. If you want someone to acknowledge, be interested in, or treat you a certain way for your efforts, all you have to do is let them know. They will try their personal best to accommodate that within their personal spectrum of feelings.
No one owes you 100% of them, not even after 30 years, because someone having a percentage of themselves is what keeps them sane at the end of the day and that’s okay.
I will say this for working as an actor at the Renaissance Faire:
It may be hell and a half working in the summer heat in period costumes with minimum shade and no green room (if you’re on the non-professional cast), but it 1) gets you used to using a hand fan and 2) turns the act of fanning yourself into such a hard-punching combo comfort/calm stim. Like, seriously, it’s been six months since I worked there, and I can still just flick open a fan, flutter it a little so the breeze hits my face, and boom, brain starts producing the happy chemicals, calmness follows, life Improves. I’ve started carrying a small one at work and it’s been so incredibly helpful!
TL;DR: If you work in a hot job in the summer, get a hand fan to fan your face and throat when you’re especially warm. Not only will this cool you down super fast, you’ll inadvertently Pavlovian condition yourself to associate the movement and sensation with automatically feeling better, and will then be able to apply it to other situations.
