Loki runs his fingers through Y/N’s hair as she lays on his bed, sleeping off the remainder of the intoxication. Stephen assessed her moments ago, though the altered scent alone indicative of the drugs that are still in her system.
The letter written in her blood sits heavy in his pocket. The scent unfamiliar, but the vampire had watched them. Watched Y/N.
Loki needed to know what made her get into the allure of narcotics. She could have wanted temporary distraction? How had she become an addict?
Guilt breaks through him. If he would not have left he could have protected her earlier. Kept her safe, and not have broken the heart that she trusted him to keep.
Thor enters the room, a hesitance laced in his movements, “Brother, please do not react without thinking.”
The younger sibling’s eyebrows furrow in confusion then in anger.
“You brought them here?” It takes everything in him not to pull away from Y/N to lunge at Thor for bringing the three witch coven members into the house.
“They may have a theory.” Thor attempts to explain.
“So based on a whim of theirs you bring them into my home? Seriously brother what goes on in that buffoonery fuelled head of yours!” His voice rises in crescendo, red rims surround his green irises.
“Brother.” Thor warns glancing at Y/N.
“Do not test me.” Loki counters, covering Y/N with more of himself.
“I do understand that you are feeling overly protective. The coven has been invited by Nia who holds an extension of my own will, we do not have to agree with them but they may know what is happening.” Thor attempts once again.
“I will only when she wakes.” The red dissolves back to bring forth the green. Thor’s heterochromia gaze moves between the two mates.
“We need to act fast Loki you have done enough of your whims.” Thor knows he’s taunting and provoking his brother.
“My whims? Let me remind you you’re the one who proposed killing off our dear father first. You’re the one who got your mate. You are the one who agreed with Zemo’s plan. Y/N is a witch, we knew but her belonging to the celestial coven complicates things.”
“YetI had to put forth the plan of having the bond weakened by another coven’s magick. No matter how horrible it was for the both of us. So that she would stay protected lest Alexander found her because you are incapable of taking care of anyone but your mate. Because Thor, you thought it was best to keep her as a pawn in this little chess game you have been playing.” Loki seethes.
“I was not alone in agreement of the plan.” Thor yells back his blue and brown irises surrounded by red rims as his fangs descend.
“But you initiated it, signed off upon it.” Loki spits out.
“You did what to our bond?” Y/N’s hauntingly cold voice breaks the angered stupor that grips at Loki.
“Y/N…” He pinches the bridge of his nose, “This it’s—, it is very much a complicated set of occurrences.”
“I believe she has a right to know.” Thor interjects.
“You, you, is this, some kind of grand game?” Y/N sits up moving away from her mate.
“Alexander is a dangerous man further, a dangerous vampire.” Loki begins to make her understand.
“Was there another way without you leaving?” There is a sway in her movements as she creates distance between herself and the vampire brothers.
Loki looks towards Thor, the elder brother sighs and then nods.
“You didn’t leave Nia.” Y/N accuses, bearing no ill towards her best friend.
“Our bond was fully established.” Thor says simply.
“So what, your brother is skeptical about soulmates and you just thought to run with it by putting the two involved souls through hell? I felt like dying each moment he was apart from me. I confided in you each moment and you knew.” Y/N’s voice interlaced with betrayal.
“Y/N, look in the grander scheme of things, this,” Thor ponders for the right words.
“You were too selfish to give up your own bond.” Y/N suggests, a venomous undertone to them.
“Yes and no.” Thor answers then looks toward Loki.
“Zemo, the vampire who attacked you the night of the party…” Loki prompts his mate.
“The party you erased, there was another vampire as well.” Y/N completes with a distaste in her mouth.
“We spoke in detail about a plan that exists to take down Alexander Pierce. It had several road blocks, he has an ability to know what could be the potential gifts a human can bring across their vampire change. Certain witches were spared for their talent, others because they were mates of the vampires in the coven.”
“However one witch coven is hated by Alexander because they have survived erasure time and time again. Yours.” Loki takes an unnecessary breath.
Nia opens the door, her eyes first on Thor who gives her a look of reassurance.
“If our bond was complete I would have to turn you.” Loki informs her realising she may have not heard everything he said during her astral form minutes.
“How has Nia not been turned?” Y/N looks at the two mates.
“Blood exchanges need to happen everyday from a full moon to a new moon. Basically second half of the lunar cycle.” Nia explains, “I’ve been having his blood for the first half.”
“Did you know about this?” Y/N looks at her best friend.
“He told me in the car, what the plan was, why Loki did what he did. Why he left you.” Nia looks sombre.
“It seems Thor has left out some details.” Loki mutters quietly.
“So you agree with me being used as a pawn?” Y/N bellows at her best friend from her place.
“Damn thats some fucked up shit.” Sierra comments from the first floor the conversation clear as day to be heard. Doctor Strange looks at her.
“What, you need to be honest.” She shrugs.
“I believe that lesson needs to be learned by your own coven as well.” Doctor Strange sneers.
“I do not agree to that, but it keeps you safe from a conversion and it aids in the process.” Nia hesitates, “The last witch to be granted immortality from your coven was Luna, because of her gift of prophecy.”
“Nia.” Y/N tries to understand.
“If you aren’t deemed worthy, bonded or not, he would end you.” Loki tells her point blank.
“Why could you not have been honest?” Her eyes brim with tears, why was he always so closed off? Why could he never just share his burdens with her?
“You’re supposed to be my mate. I, we could have navigated this better.” Y/N accuses him.
Loki closes his eyes at the heartache that laces her words, “I know. I did not want to burden you.”
“While you held my burdens?” She sniffles, the ache for more substances scratches at her chest.
Loki stays quiet.
“I, I need to go home— I—, this is, all, is too much.” Y/N turns to move past Nia as she descends the stairs.
“We pushed for your bond to weaken to awaken your witch side.” Miles tells her as she comes into view.
“The bond suppressed it, if it would have been established chances are we would not have had to put you under that much duress.” He continues much to her dismay.
Y/N turns her teary eyed face to them.
“Am I just some kind of fucking pawn? Vampire ruins the bond to protect, my coven uses to have strength, random vampire makes me his drugged up blood bag?” Her voice is hoarse, “Can’t any of you be honest? Upfront? I would understand better help better, but no you,” She turns to Clark, “You’d rather my bond shatter.”
She faces Loki and Thor who stand upon the steps, “You two would rather play with the bond, toy with my heart. Pretend to be my confidant and then just break my trust over and over.”
She turns to Stephen, he raises an eyebrow.
“I just gave you homework.” He raises both hands in defence.
“He’s at least honest.” Y/N gestures to Stephen.
The baby witch makes her way to the door but it does not budge.
“You’ve been exposed to drugs.” Miles does not lower his raised arm.
“And?” Y/N crosses her arms.
“Those weaken your witch sense as well.” Clark concluded.
“Thor was right.” Nia exclaims, “We were right.” Thor intertwines their hands.
Loki’s eyes widen, he appears in a blur near Y/N.
“The vampire left a note again.” Loki presents the note out of his pocket.
“Is that…” Sierra looks at Y/N.
“It is in my blood.” She affirms to the more practiced witch.
A possessiveness pulses across the bond, as everyone reads the contents of the note.
The young witch goes over her scarce memories of her highs, most would be muddled and one she left untouched— the forest.
She never noticed any puncture wounds before and they only started upon Loki’s return.
These notes the message left on the wall and the note both had an undertone of a deeper rivalry or mocking of Loki and his inability to keep her safe. Or rather mocking his way of keeping her safe.
What if this rogue vampire wasn’t a rogue at all?
Y/N’s eyes widen, they search for Loki’s comforting green.
“I, I have a theory.” She states and the collective group looks at her curiously. Hunger sears her stomach.
“I need something to eat though.” A light dust of red coats her cheeks.
Loki returns with a paper-bag housing her favourite order from the local diner. The human and vampire pair enjoy the brief appearance of the stars across their bond.
Thor and Nia settle on the loveseat the latter upon Thor’s lap more than the seat.
Miles, Clark and Sierra sit on the couch and Stephen sits on the lone leather chair.
Loki and Y/N sit in their designated spot on the L portion of the worn down couch side by side.
“How long have you been practicing?” Stephen questions the coven, in a bid to offer some time to Y/N to eat.
There is a tremor in her hands and Loki takes over holding the takeout box.
“We do not divulge coven dynamics.” Miles smoothly replies before his husband is irked.
“Alright, when was the awakening?” Strange counters.
“Mine began at fourteen,” Sierra smiles, Clark groans, Miles places a comforting hand on his thigh.
“Always was into the whole mystic aspects of things, also I knew something was up when I started being able to see the spirits my dogs would bark at back home.” She completes.
“Ooh which kind of puppers did you have?” Nia grins, always ready to speak about the sweet little creatures.
“One was a mutt adopted him off of the mall parking lot named him Mustard, there is a whole story he would not leave without this unopened bottle of mustard; and the other was a doberman— Boba both passed away a few years ago, sadly.” Sierra presses her lips into a thin line but then smiles fondly at the memories of the sweet creatures who stood by her family and her.
“I’m sorry.” Nia frowns, Thor rubs a comforting hand over her back.
“No, no, talking about them makes me happy.” Sierra smiles at the pair, “When did you two bond?”
“We met at the local gym, I was doing cardio and Thor is a personal trainer there.” Nia grins looking up at her mate.
“And this one here lost her footing, and I helped her up.” Thor brushes his nose against Nia’s own.
Both have love struck smiles on their faces.
“When is the change due?” Sierra concentrates and can see tiny golden suns orbiting around them, “Oh you have tiny suns!”
“You can see them?” All the vampires look bewildered.
“We can even see bond lines, Sierra here has a particular interest in bonds, vampiric or non vampiric.” Miles gives her a proud look.
“I do, I used to well still do online tarot readings for the collective from time to time. Most part I’m a paediatric nurse.” Sierra proudly beams.
“That is amazing.” Y/N praises, her food portion half eaten, slowly the air turns serious as they wait for her to find the words to put forth the theory.
Y/N stares at the pattern on the coffee table, she would laugh if she could since this was the third replacement that was brought in by Thor and Nia.
“I believe that these two incidents of me being forced to consume narcotics aren’t isolated. Maybe the fact that I do not remember a lot of the highs isn’t to do with well, just the drugs.” She takes a deep breath and Loki takes her freehand into his own, steadying the newfound tremor.
“I, I think this vampire whoever they are, might be working for Alexander Pierce. Or they know I’m a witch or they know I’m Loki’s mate and they have a plot of revenge. Or they just want tainted blood.” Y/N completes.
Loki’s own mind races to think of people whom he has wronged but the list of the ones left alive in Alexander’s name is short.
Thor purses his lips, “It is a plausible theory.” He agrees.
“However deranged rouges, they do prey upon half abandoned mates. This could even be a one off taunt.” Stephen adds.
“The marks are staying visible for me to see, so the vampire is keeping tabs on my whereabouts.” Loki gazes apologetically at his mate.
“It is a messed up situation.” Y/N attempts at comfort rubbing circles over his palm with her thumb.
“Which concludes he is not working alone.” Stephen adds.
“They also have a witch or warlock.” Clark speaks for once contributing to the discussion, “The Vampire Weave is not an easy feat to achieve.”
“This is a seasoned witch or warlock.” Miles agrees.
“But who would help a vampire?” Clark makes his patented dissatisfied expression.
“Compliance.” Nia sits up straighter adding onto the fact, “Y/N knew Loki altered her memory, he’s keeping a warlock or witch between them. So she can’t remember. Cause the witchy side would block the vampire compliance.” She adds.
“This adds proof this is not some baby witch or warlock.” Sierra ponders,
“If we teach you before the next attack, the witch or warlock will have to come into physical contact with you for the spell to work, you could counter it and break the hold the vampire has on them.”
“She is not going to be left alone to be subjected to non-consensual narcotics usage.” Loki’s free hand balls into a fist adding to his adamance.
“You still need to be trained. In the event he is locked into a weave.” Miles adds for Loki to see the logic.
“You know the laws of our kind Loki, you cannot hold back a witch or warlock from training in their craft. It must be their decision.” Clark reminds Loki of an old rule.
Y/N watches the High Priest and her mate have a stare down competition.
“I want to train. I need to be able to protect the ones I care about and myself.” Y/N speaks voicing her thoughts.
Loki presses his lips into a thin line, displeased.
“Fine then.” Clark stands, “Bring your grandmother’s grimoire tomorrow, also search for Samana’s grimoire and we need to begin your own first. Bring in a notebook then Sierra will teach you how to make your grimoire. I presume your mate will stand guard?”
“You presume correct.” Loki sneers.
“You must stay outside the perimeter.” Clark warns.
“Your coven isn’t strong enough.” Loki taunts then falls to his knees as do Thor and Stephen. Their faces blank, forms unmoving.
“What are you doing to them? Stop it!” Nia screams in panic, trying to shake Thor out of the forced upon trance.
Y/N grabs onto Loki’s hunched over form. Then gazes worriedly at Stephen.
“This is just my skill level, I have Miles and Sierra.” Clark smiles, “You can hear everything, the panicked voice of your mate and friends, the dread, while all other senses remain deprived.”
“Clark.” Y/N turns to him, “Please, enough.” She pleads.
The High Priest lowers his raised palm.
Loki glares up at him, the stars move through Y/N’s side of the bond to his, Loki places his hand upon hers which rests on his chest.
“That was something.” Stephen stands cleaning his clothing of any stray lint.
“Indeed.” Thor breathes in deeply, pulling Nia close to quell her worries placing a soft kiss against her lips.
Miles and Sierra stand, both move to hug Y/N goodbye.
Sierra requests Y/N to meet her in the event she does resume duty at the hospital, provided Stephen clears her for the same due to the narcotics in her system.
The coven clears out. Clark gives them a final glance before turning away.
“I must commend Thor, blood sharing having to just have synchronous with the lunar cycle.” Stephen observes, though his tone feels akin to a jab at Thor.
“Stephen.” Loki says in warning.
“Its true though, why did you have to sacrifice your bond into smithereens? Just because you were skeptical?” Stephen raises his hands as if in question.
In a blur Thor has Stephen against the wall.
“I did not make him do it. It was the best option given the circumstances.” Thor spits out at Stephen.
“It was the way most convenient to you. Where did that leave Y/N? In Narcotics Anonymous.” Stephen yells back.
“When her mate had no issues I think you should stay in your place.” Thor seethes.
“Loki will you open your mouth or should I continue?” Stephen’s ablaze red rimmed blue eyes turn to Loki, Y/N looks up at her mate questioningly.
“You did not even care for her. You both did not,” Loki speaks after a breath of silence.
“We cleaned up after each mess of hers, if she weaselled her way out each time that is not upon us. Because you were gone.” Thor glares as he turns toward his younger brother.
Loki takes a step back as though wounded, “You forced me to leave.”
“Cleaned up after me?” Y/N knows her face betrays her hurt, she tries masking it, Thor had been an elder brother of comfort through the mess as he put it, he turns to look at Nia.
“It was hard upon us as well to watch you in that manner.” Is all Nia says, fiddling with her ring clad fingers.
“Caregivers often bear the brunt, however she was under compulsion. You could have protected her better.” Stephen interjects.
“As could you.” Thor speaks with retaliation.
“And I did on each placement of her under my care, I did.” Stephen presses the back of his right hand into his left palm the sound of skin against skin adding emphasis.
“Can we actually believe that theory or is that just an excuse?” Nia meant to mumble it under her breath, the chill that took over the room sent a shiver up Y/N’s spine.
Loki looked at his mate’s best-friend.
“It is true, Thor could have protected her better, yes maybe we took the easy way out as vampires, I was skeptical about the bond but I was skeptical about the plan as well. Have it in your heart and mind to speak the truth or should I extract it myself? Did you give even fifty percent of effort of protection to my mate?” The younger brother looks at his elder brother.
Thor looks to Nia, then at his brother, then at Y/N.
“You could have told him to return if you couldn’t handle the responsibility.” Y/N murmurs, there still was so much to unpack from the conversation and if anything that was given to her only brought forth a craving to just consume more for the numbness.
“He did not want me to return.” Loki says as though something dawned upon him, “Is that why you never alerted me about the OD, about the forest attack?” His voice raised, in demand, venom pricks at the corners of his eyes.
Thor stays silent. Y/N gazes at Nia questioningly.
“You told me he did not care enough to return.” Nia accuses Thor.
“He was supposed to stay away for another month. In the end you craved your mate did you not? After all those talks about disregarding your chance at love and eternal affection.” Thor sneers.
“You’re behaving just like Odin. I say one thing and you hold that against me, expecting me not to learn or be educated and change my opinion or stance.” Loki looks down at the hand that Y/N wraps around his arm to provide comfort. The stars pass between them.
“I am nothing like Odin.” Thor presses, red rims appearing to further his anger.
“I think it is best we dismiss this conversation.” Stephen interjects, knowing the topic of their human father was one that still brought about bitter memories.
“Oh thats rich first gaslight then dissipate.” Nia narrows her eyes at the doctor.
“At least I don’t disregard my best friend’s trouble with being forced to consume drugs!” Stephen wants to leave the air here getting too much to warrant peaceful responses anymore.
Y/N tilts her head, seeing an iridescent tinge of orange in the air surrounding them. It stays present for a flash then disappears appearing near Thor.
“He has nothing better to do, he was tossed away. Left for dead by townspeople. Only supports the vampire who took him in from the streets.” Thor seethes as he adds agreement with Nia.
The orange gleam shifts edging towards Loki and herself, she pushes Loki’s chest and they duck.
“The fuck are you doing?” Nia raises an eyebrow, “Is this some new response to some drug? Or is it a witch thing?”
“Can someone contact Sierra?” Y/N questions, her eyes focus upon the dancing gleam, her wonders if it can be slowed down to a stop.
She keeps her vision steady, imagining a thick sludge surrounding the gleam to slow it down before it reaches Stephen.
The doctor dials the number of the nurse, she answers after a few rings.
“Whats wrong?” The curly haired witch questions over the call.
“Y/N is staring at thin air…” Stephen tries to explain.
“Put her on speaker.”
Stephen appears next to her, holding the phone as it remains on speaker.
“What are you seeing?” Is her immediate question, “describe it don’t lose focus.”
“Iridescent but orange, bouncing around.” The baby witch explains.
“Are you all having an argument or heated discussion suddenly?” The vampires and Nia look at each other in surprise.
“Yes.” Y/N answers for them.
“Well that is another little gift Clark left, you all need to leave the room, that is a self sabotage spell, since its iridescent the effect will wear off if the room clears. Listen Y/N I know how difficult this all is but you will have to prove yourself to Clark. What you did today with the astral meeting that showcases your skill but refining your craft will only be the way to stay in control.” Sierra offers advice hoping it encourages the new witch.
“I understand, I am ready to put in my share of hard work. Also, um. Is it possible to slow it down? The orange thingy?” Her eyes remain on the said object.
“While it is possible to stop it from going further I’d suggest not wasting energy, get it out of the way but everyone leave the room for the next one to two hours just to be safe.” Sierra suggests, receiving a collective reply of affirmative responses the call is brought to a close.
Thor and Nia move to leave to the upstairs rooms.
Stephen waits near his car outside.
Loki wraps his arm around Y/N’s waist, she doesn’t break focus on the orb, as her mate uses his speed to move them backward and out of the house.
“I will see you tomorrow, OPD paperwork only.” Stephen ruefully tells her, she sighs then accepts.
“I know you were benched long enough but this…” Stephen lets the sentence hang in the air between the three of them. He bids the two goodbye, getting into the driver’s seat.
Loki presses his lips to her temple, “Home?”
Y/N nods, intertwining their hands as her leads her, to the familiar Mercedes.
The vampire opens the door for his mate then speeds into the driver’s seat.
“We have much to talk about.” Loki addresses the unspoken thought as the car is turned into ignition.
“We do, but at home… right now I just want to be with you.” Y/N requests and Loki meets her eyes, they still remain bloodshot but in lesser intensity.
“As you please.” Loki reaches for her hand out of habit, across the console, resting over her thigh, their fingers intertwined
——/- div
Fourteen Months Ago.
“Where are you taking me?” Y/N has a smile on her face as she adjusts the phone to reach up to the top shelf for the Nutella jar.
“Somewhere.” Loki smiles sitting outside the dean’s office for the upcoming literature symposium the university would be hosting.
Y/N huffs, partly at the jar and partly at Loki.
“I thought you would be happy.” Loki teases.
“I am, but I can’t seem to grab this jar.” Y/N stares at the Nutella, wishing it would levitate.
“Nutella?” He enquires, a fondness grows within his chest. Y/N smiles at the sudden warmth. She hums in agreement, wishing he was there to reach up for it.
“Kinda wish you were here with me.” She sighs, it had been two weeks since their moment in the bookstore’s cafe.
“Why?” Loki knows she probably wants him to reach up for the jar.
“So you could get me this jar.” Y/N still gazes longingly before moving to the next aisle.
“Darling, here I thought you were dating me for me.” His voice is light and full of mirth.
“Nope, I just need your very tall limbs to get me things from the top shelves.” Y/N goes along with the humour.
“I’m wounded.” Loki feigns sadness but can’t help the laughter that rumbles in his chest.
Y/N giggles, switching the side of the phone.
“Do you need anything?” She asks mindlessly pushing the cart.
“Just you.” Loki breathes, allowing himself to relish and enjoy the fact that he has a mate, consciously throwing the meddling thoughts away instead of harbouring them.
“Professor I believe I’m quite the priciest item here.” Y/N brings in the playfulness again, his words stirring something deep within her at being wanted.
“I’m sure I could come up with a sum worthy of you alas, these numbers cease at the feat of your beauty and intellect.” He admits, and she feels a cacophony of stars trickle towards her, the sudden sound of metal clanging worries him.
“I’m okay just crashed into the yogurt fridge.” She grumbles lightly before righting the fallen items.
Loki bites back his smile picturing her reddened cheeks and expression. He adjusts the papers he holds with the files, fidgeting every few minutes to keep up his human façade.
As Y/N arranges the items a softer happiness makes itself present within her at the openness he displayed the past week.
It was not a vast ocean of being open with her but he tried. For her sake. That was enough for her to know he could and would try for her.
“Hey, I’m back, reporting live from the averted accident in aisle 20, yogurt and soy milk.” Y/N laughs, Loki chuckles.
“Any casualties?” The professor looks up at the dean’s assistant who gestures for him to head inside.
“Well does my bruised ego count? Or the indented pack of pudding cups Thor seems to love.” Y/N reports back, reading the labels of the hot sauces for Nia’s preference.
“Well for the bruising I’d recommend waiting till I pick you up. I believe my lips will know what to do.” Loki gathers his laptop bag, the bond willing him not to say goodbye as it glows happily between them.
“Youstill won’t tell me? Also no kisses for Lokis who withhold information.” Y/N will stomp her foot as does a tantrum throwing child, she will.
“Would it be a surprise if I did?” Loki chides.
“At least tell me the dress code.” Y/N pleads.
“I believe comfortable should do.” Loki whiles away the time, the dean could wait.
“What are you wearing?” She enquires that would give her a better hint.
“An oxford button down and slacks.” He answers recalling the light blue shirt he picked out for their date that hangs in his office.
“So it is okay if I don’t wear a dress right?” Y/N hesitates, dresses though nice weren’t always her first choice of clothing.
“Darling, I believe what you wore when you accompanied your friend to meet my brother should work.” Loki admits,
“Oh the cream sweater?” She recalls, Loki hums in agreement, the assistant returns once more hands on his hips giving Loki a pointed and impatient look.
“Yes, also I have my appointment with the Dean, I’m sorry to cut the conversation short. I will speak with you soon.” Loki apologises.
“Oh no its, alrig—,” The line cuts and Y/N sighs, “its alright.” She repeats more for herself.
She does a once over for all the items in the cart, matching them with her list proceeding to the check out.
“So how is Romania treating the great history buff?” The woman in front of Y/N speaks a little loudly.
“Really? Wow, didn’t think anything surprised the intuitive Mr. Bucky Barnes.” The woman laughs in response and Y/N feels the air leave her lungs.
How many Bucky Barnes-es could exist in this universe?
The checkout aisle next to her opens up Y/N recedes to that one. Trying not to focus on the conversation.
But the short-haired woman’s laughter keeps following through and the number of jokes just keep flowing.
Y/N grits her teeth, so Bucky blocked her out. Did not bother contacting her but kept in touch with someone else. So maybe she wasn’t the only one who didn’t have feelings.
“Cash or Credit?” The cashier enquires palm raised to take whichever mode of payment chosen.
Y/N hands her the credit card, loading up the groceries as the transaction is completed.
“Oh Bucky, come on, just do it. What is holding you back?” The woman encourages, she’s on the same stage of shopping as herself.
Y/N grabs the card swiftly not wanting to hear more about Bucky. He could do whatever he wanted. Talk to anyone. Why does she care?
As she’s loading the groceries in her car, the same short-haired woman approaches her, “Hey are you, Y/N?”
“Um, yes…” Y/N trails off hesitantly.
“Oh great I caught you, here you left this on the counter the cashier recalled your name from the system. I’m Maria Hill.” Maria smiles as she hands the hastily forgotten bag to Y/N.
“Oh um, thank you.” She says, placing it with the others.
“Um, I don’t mean to pry…” Y/N regrets the words as she says them, “Were you speaking to James Barnes?” She fiddles with the zipper on her jacket.
Yep Y/N thinks, Maria must be creeped out.
“Oh um yeah, he is a PhD candidate as I am, left for some personal work so I like to keep him updated so he can keep up and not turn into a slow poke.” Maria grins, “Though I’m going to beat him to it but it’s no fun without healthy competition, do you know him?” The brunette waits for a response.
“He was in creative writing with me, he left quite suddenly, just haven’t had the chance to talk. Maybe he switched numbers, but I’m happy to know he’s okay.” Y/N offers a smile,
“I have to rush, it was nice meeting you Maria.” Y/N gives her a wave before quickly sitting in her vehicle and leaving Maria eyes wide as she connects the dots.
She brings back attention to her ongoing call with Bucky, he had heard everything due to the headphones Maria wore.
“You did not give her your number?!” Maria yells at him.
“It, it was better that way.” Bucky winces as he explains.
“Come on dude so what if the date thing didn’t work, at least you will have a friend, she will have a friend!” She groans.
“Maria can we discuss something or someone else?” Bucky pleads stirring the conversation away from Y/N.
— — — —
Loki smoothens his coat’s lapels, as he stood waiting outside Y/N’s home. His occupied hand holds a bouquet of daffodils. He smiles at the flowers, knowing they would be appreciated.
Y/N opens the door, with one hand trying to fix her earring with the other smiling brightly at Loki.
“Hello.”
“Hi.”
They both smile sheepish and then laugh.
“You can come inside, I just need to fix this—,” Y/N huffs again as the earring still does not stay in place.
“May I help?” Loki offers, she looks at him then nods.
Her eyes fall onto the flowers,
“These are for you, darling.” Loki hands her the bouquet, promptly taking the earring from her.
“Thank you.” Y/N smiles at the flowers.
“I know I don’t know your favourite flower yet. But I believe these,” Loki pauses, as Y/N sniffles.
“I, Did I do something to upset you?” Loki worriedly gazes at her.
“I just remembered what you said, about these, what the daffodils signify. Now, we’re about to go on our first date… Just you putting in the thought. I know its stupid to get emotional over this—,”
“Hey, no, no, you are not stupid for getting emotional, I myself teared up when I saw the florist put them together.” Loki knows how the venom feels when it pools over his eyes.
“Thank you.” Y/N hugs him, Loki rests his cheek upon her head, arms wrapping around her frame. The warmth of her skin seeping through his clothing onto his own.
“You’re welcome.” Loki softly inhales her scent, letting it wash over him. Her blood did have an allure to him, but only because mates were to share blood in order to prepare for the inevitable conversion.
The way her scent called to him right now, he was glad he had fed from blood-bags before arriving.
Loki relaxes his hold when Y/N initiates pulling away from the hug. Still holding the flowers tenderly in her arms and smiling at them. Loki adores her, tucking this moment away for himself.
“May I?” Loki requests, holding the earring up; she shifts so he can place the earring.
Goosebumps break out across her skin as his knuckles ghost over her as he places the earring, his breath softly fans across her cheek.
Loki places the earring his knuckles trace along her jaw, resting under her chin.
Y/N tilts her head back at Loki’s prompting meeting his gaze. She feels the stars bloom around them, twinkling brightly.
“May I?” Loki questions once again, his lips inching closer to her own.
“Yes.” Y/N breathes out, softly.
His lips find her warm ones, they mould together. Eyes closed, the stars cascade merrily.
Loki pulls her closer, Y/N places her hands upon his shoulders as the kiss deepens.
Y/N’s right hand inches upward along the side of his neck towards his hair. Loki hums in the kiss, his hand moving along her spine pressing her closer. Their chests touch, Loki knows he’s pushing his luck, there is only so much control he can keep when they are like this, she tugs on his hair while she lightly nips at his bottom lip.
Loki knows his primal instincts are taking over, he pushes her against the wall, wrapping her legs around his waist and supporting all of her weight.
His tongue moves across her kiss bitten bottom lip as she parts her lips for him, her scent fills his senses. Heady, addicting and absolutely ethereal.
Loki knows his eyes are red rimmed, the bond glows brightly. Y/N’s fingers tangle in his hair and legs tighten around his hips.
His hands roam over her sides, his fangs begin to descend as she tugs on his hair wanton sounds of need spilling from her lips unto his.
Their lips part and Loki lays kisses over her exposed neck, he holds her up with one hand and something about his strength sets a heat ablaze within Y/N.
Loki, pulls down the sweater, small nips and kisses over her collar bones, he keeps his eyes closed.
“Loki, Loki, Loki.” His name spills from her as a fervent prayer.
The bond speaking through her begging Loki to establish it completely.
When he reaches her sternum, Loki freezes.
Y/N opens her eyes, heat blooming all over skin, the stars surrounding their bodies.
“Loki?” She cups his cheek, worry takes over her.
“I’m okay.” He takes an inhale, eyes closed, he places his forehead against hers.
“Why did you stop?” Her hand nervously fiddles with the collar of his oxford shirt.
“I, I want to do right by you. This, I enjoyed, there is not doubt in that, if I could, I’d have my lips on your skin till the world ended, but I don’t want you to think that I only want your body.” He opens his eyes, sincere green greets Y/N.
“I’d—, Loki, you never gave me that impression.” Y/N assures, pressing a soft kiss to his cheek, “I though, maybe I did something wrong or something you did not enjoy.” She admits, a blush taking over her face.
Loki’s eyes widen, “Love, you did nothing wrong I quite enjoyed those sinfully addictive sounds you made for me. Also, if you do not enjoy something I am doing you need to tell me, we have to communicate our likes and dislikes always; just not at one point. This doesn’t just stop at the physical aspects of our courtship.” He places another kiss against her lips.
Y/N smiles, “Sometimes you sound as though from another era.”
A momentary panic surges through the vampire.
“I guess that would be because of all the Shakespeare and poetry you’ve read and immersed into.” She adds with a small laugh, her fingers run through his hair trying to tame the tresses she caused to mess up.
“Are you making fun of me, Ms. Y/L/N?” Loki playfully narrows his eyes, his tone stern.
“Why no, Sir, I would never dare.” Y/N feigns innocence, “Just maybe a little.” Her giggle is caught in her throat as Loki’s fingers begin to tickle her sides and she breaks into laughter.
“Loki!”
“Y/N!”
Their laughters intertwine, echoing in the room.
Once they make themselves presentable again for the outside world, Loki and Y/N are divided by the S-Class’ console. Elbows nearly touching.
An excitement cascades from Y/N to Loki through the now stronger bond.
Loki smiles, “I hope you enjoy what I have planned.”
“If you tell me, I promise to be more excited than I already am, pinky promise.” Y/N bargains.
Loki taps his index finger over his lips, as though in deep thought.
He looks at her while switching the lanes, “Nope.”
Her annoyance amuses him, he laughs much to her chagrin. Y/N rolls her eyes looking out the window, annoyed.
“Darling,” Loki says, she doesn’t look at him.
“Love.” He attempts again, with failure.
He huffs, reaching over and grabbing her hand, intertwining their fingers over the console. Y/N pulls his hand back towards her, the back of his hand rests on her thigh.
“Is that a smile I see?” He teases.
“Give me a hint, I’ll give you a kiss.” Y/N pouts.
“Oh come on now that is extortion.” Loki accuses. Y/N just shrugs.
“We’re almost there.” Loki points out.
“We drove an hour into London.”
“Are you trying to deduce where we are going?” Loki smiles at her focused expression, the furrow in her brow reminds him of her in class.
“Wait, did—, what if we’re seen?” She panics, Loki meets her with a calming gaze.
“It is a weekday, the place will probably only have tourists. Although I’ve booked a private thirty minutes.” He assures, smiling only when she calms down.
Loki pulls into the parking building near Tate Modern, London. Y/N curiously follows Loki’s lead as he navigates through the floors to get to their destination.
He doesn’t let her even see what installations are being presented, showing the tickets discreetly to the security as they wait in a corridor. A gentle older woman comes out a corner door greeting Loki.
“You can go in, it’s just been cleared.” She informs him, greeting Y/N with a smile as well.
“Thank you.” Loki offers the woman a smile.
“Oh one more thing.” Loki turns to Y/N, “I want you to keep your eyes closed till we are inside.”
“Loki… Fine.” Y/N only agrees when he pouts and it is too adorable to say no to him.
The vampire beams brightly, covering her eyes with a blindfold. Y/N holds onto his hands and hears the quiet hinges of the door opening and Loki leads her for about fifteen steps.
His footsteps echo in the quiet room, as he stands behind her. She takes a deep breath as he undoes the blindfold. Taking a few steps back to admire her reaction.
Y/N opens her eyes, blinking a few times, her jaw then drops. She is surrounded by an infinity of small lights that are mirrored all around herself and Loki.
Tiny blue, yellowish and green lights seemingly akin to stars, she turns attempting to find Loki to hold him close to take in this moment with him.
Loki smiles at her elation that he sees and feels within himself.
Y/N moves to him, closing the gap he put between them.
“Loki this, it is, beautiful, ethereal even, as, as though we’re surrounded by our stars.” Her throat feels heavy, emotion overcoming her.
“Well we once admitted we feel stars for each other. Now we can finally see them. Surrounding us.” He tucks her hair back, they both grin at each other.
“Loki, this, I don’t have words, thank you.” Y/N admits, tears pooling in her eyes.
Loki softly brushes the tears, “I’ve made you emotional again. I know these are tears of happiness. I want to admit something, if I could, I’d bring down all of the stars that surround the moon and bring them to you. For you are my moonlight. The stars would be merely a fraction of what I’d do for you, now that I’ve found you.”
Y/N’s breath is caught at his admission, her heart soars. She reaches upward, placing a soft kiss against his lips. Loki returns the affection, with as much of emotion he can pour into the gesture.
When they pull away, slightly breathless.
“I’d do the same if not more for you.” Y/N admits to him, in a soft whisper, a promise just between them.
“I’d do the same if not more for you.” Loki repeats, sealing the promise between them with Yayoi Kusama’s infinity mirror room lights as their witness.
—————div
Present.
—————
Saturday.
—————
Y/N groans, feeling the after effects of the grilling at Miles is putting her through.
“Come on, up you go.” He prompts again.
She sits crossed leg again from the sprawled out defeat on the soft carpet in their living room.
“Now come on, protective enchantments on the ink bottle again. Block my hex without actively holding the enchantment.” Miles instructs again.
Y/N raises her hand, drawing the symbols for protection, adding intent and visualisation. Then she looks up at Miles, nodding for him to hex the bottle.
Miles raises a finger of his left hand drawing the hex over the bottle. For ten seconds nothing happens. Then Miles is launched two feet away from the bottle.
He grins at her, “Well done, now we’ll move onto plants, don’t worry I can reverse the hexes so the plants won’t be harmed. But you have to protect them well enough.”
Y/N nods, she begins to place the enchantments upon the small succulent cactus.
Miles prepares the hex and the spikes fly out towards Y/N, her eyes widen and she holds up her hands, the spikes stop mere centimetres away from her face. Dropping down onto the floor.
“Did you alter the wording for living things?” Miles enquires, Y/N groans.
“Fuck, I’m so stupid.” She facepalms.
“Hey no bad words said to yourself. You’re trying hard.” Miles pats her back.
“If she was trying hard, silly mistakes would not happen.” Clark adds dryly, upon entering the room.
Y/N bites the inside of her cheek, Clark reminded her of her father, never pleased. At least he was not a verbally abusive like her dad, just showed his disdain for her inability to perform well.
Basically Clark and Miles were good cop, bad cop.
Clark waves a hand and the spikes split into two groups heading for Miles and herself. Y/N stops them this time farther away from their bodies.
“Add the protection.” Miles prompts.
“The spikes…” Y/N reasons.
“Add it.” Clark says as he begins with the hex, Y/N scrambles with one hand to maintain the shield then adds the enchantment with the living thing wording, the spikes turn towards Clark with full throttle.
He turns them into petals of flowers falling to the ground.
Clark only hums, that means he is mildly pleased by her work.
“You kept the spikes connected as well.” Miles praises, “good work.”
Y/N only smiles, the clock hits seven-thirty and now it was time for Clark and his mind bending tricks.
It was only day five of training but it felt as if eternity had passed between the days.
Clark settles on the chair near the fireplace, Y/N joins him on the free chair, “Now, you have to block out the compliance. We can try that with the guard dog vampire outside.”
Y/N rolls her eyes, but nods out of respect.
“For the vampire kind of compliance once you harness the warlock and witch kind. We’re trying to make it so that you have to be touched to be compelled. Once that occurs we need you to break the compliance upon the warlock or witch.” Clark continues, cracking his knuckles to prepare.
“Okay.” Y/N nods, focusing herself.
Clark focuses upon her, bringing forth his visualisation of her own protective enchantments brought forth by her own witch status.
“Tap your right foot.” Clark attempts, as her ankle twitches to move.
Y/N focuses her mental shields. Her ankle stops twitching.
“Snap your fingers in the rhythm of ‘we will rock you.’” Clark compels once again, focusing upon the one weak area through her shield. Y/N resists, visualising his compulsion trying to break through her guard.
Clark huffs, he has to go with something that will pick at her emotions. It was cruel and Miles would tell him off but it needs to be done.
“Tell me about what Loki said to break your heart.” Clark demands, Y/N’s eyes widen her focus wavers.
“He said I am a distraction, he only wanted to know if the bond held any weight in his eyes that—,” Y/N pauses, bringing her mental shields back up to focus. Gritting her teeth.
“Tell me about the heartbreak a parent caused you. Your father specifically.” Clark feels remorseful but this needs to be done.
“You will need to be specific.” Y/N jokes, trying to not let her father ruin yet another thing for her.
“A moment he abandoned you when he should not have,” Clark drills through, the minute Y/N lets that moment flash by her mind.
“I was eleven, we were on our first international trip,” Y/N feels the tears brimming, she tries not to let the story spill but fails, “We were trying to find the tour buffet room, for dinner. The place was new and women over there not that safe but okayish, he got angry that he couldn’t find my mother or the remainder of the family, so we returned to the room. He knocked hard and fast on the door.”
Internally she tries to stop, begs herself to learn quickly.
“When they did not open the door, because they were gone, he left my hand pushed it away with force, it hit the wall behind me. He then says they left us, so I’m leaving you, let them find you alone. Don’t bother searching for me. I stood there for thirty minutes, men, women passed by staring. I pretended to knock each time someone passed by, so they’d know I had family inside. When my mom and remaining family came back cause we never reached they found me sitting in front of the door crying. All alone.” Y/N felt the wetness of the tears, on her cheeks and on her shirt.
“They took me in, I didn’t eat that night, just cried and then fell asleep. He came home late night, when I woke up I saw that I was facing him from my bed, I turned around and slept again. He pretended he never did anything. He never apologised or tried to make it better, he kept abandoning me, he left all the time for others, he never wanted to be there for me unless it was convenient to his motives to have me there to seem like a doting father—,”
“Clark.” Miles’ voice cuts through, Clark pulls away the compulsion.
Y/N glances at the clock, blinking away her tears, the clock said eight. She picks up her bag, checking for her notebook and grimoire.
“Y/N,” Miles begins, Y/N wipes her tears quickly.
“I’ll see you tomorrow earlier its Sunday. I’ve finished my coursework. Thanks for today.” She rushes out before the fresh wave of tears start, she crosses the perimeter where Loki stands against his car, he quickly walks over to her, wrapping her up in his arms as she falls apart in front of him.
He softly runs his hand over her hair trying to provide comfort. She clings harder and her shoulders shake harder as the sobs turn more deep rooted.
Loki presses a soft kiss to her temple. His hard gaze moves towards the house as Clark and Miles gaze at them, only one holds worry the other’s cheek grits. Their lips moving in conversation
“Miles what kind of second rate man is her father?”
“I told you not to push further.”
“She was eleven who leaves their child in an unknown place?!”
“Clark, please just, these are sensitive topics I hope you learn to build a better relationship with her. As High Priest you’re also an elder who the coven should be able to speak with ease.”
“Miles you know I can’t be vulnerable on demand, I don’t understand why the Priestess was insisting upon me being the successor.”
“Clark…”
“Love,” Loki attempts to have her take a few breaths and drink the water he had kept in the car.
Y/N nods, Loki takes all of her weight and she lets him settle her into the car, she takes a few sips of water. Sniffling as her chest still heaves.
Loki runs his hands over her head, cheeks and arms. When she finally meets his eyes, he worriedly notes the redness in her tear stained ones.
“Thank you.” Y/N whispers, Loki nods, placing a kiss to her temple again.
“I’m sorry he made you share that against your will, I think your father on the other hand deserves quite a few harsh words.” Loki mutters angrily. Maybe more than words he thinks.
“He isn’t worth it, honestly I don’t know why I keep crying over him and what he did to us as a family, what he put me through out of his selfishness.” Y/N admits.
“Darling, he was given a role he doesn’t deserve, you do not do that to your child.” Loki tells her, wiping her escaping tears with the back of his index finger and then thumb.
“I know I never shared that with you, I just,” Y/N loses her words.
“It was a difficult moment, I only wished I could have heard it out of your own volition.” Loki confesses.
They stay quiet, Loki looks back at the house Clark still stands watching, Miles had retreated back into the house.
“Are you hungry?” Loki enquires, Sierra had provided him a list of ways to replenish her energy stores, the top one being rest the remaining being food and stress free moments.
Y/N nods, “We can get take out? I don’t know what to cook with what is left at home; groceries is not something I want to run an errand for today, maybe tomorrow before practice.”
“Of course.” Loki agrees, he checks her again, then walks around the car to the driver’s side.
Their hands lay intertwined upon her thigh as always since their first public date’s drive.
Loki drives to her home, after the conversation that brought out everyone’s worse sides, their little entourage walked on eggshells and Stephen and Loki altered watching over Y/N giving Thor and Nia the Manor and some time to themselves without any responsibilities other than their own.
Nia tried apologising and protesting against the division but understood that maybe this could have them heal from wounds that they never knew existed.
Thor on the other hand said nothing to Y/N nor Loki. Stephen never really spoke unless they had anything to discuss. All in all it was sort of an impasse upon which they had arrived.
Loki walks in through the threshold of the door of the home as Y/N leads the way holding his hand.
There is something lighter in the air maybe the breakdown she had did her some good. Midnight circles around their feet, greeting their return, she had only slightly warmed up to Loki upon his return. Only marking him with her scent when Y/N’s own was present upon him.
Other times Loki swears he could see the cat glaring at him with disdain and anger at leaving them distraught.
As Loki empties the take out boxes into designated plates, his phone chimes. The water still running upstairs indicated Y/N is still in the shower.
Email: Tate Modern
Subject: Return of the Infinity Mirror Room for One Weekend Only. Members Exclusive.
—open to read further—
———————————————————
Email: Rayesa - Tate Modern
Subject: Private Viewing of the Infinity Mirror Room.
Dear Mr. Loki,
I realise that this must be short notice but I could have you and a guest come in for a thirty minute private viewing as before for the return of the same exhibit.
Please let me know as soon as possible so I may save the slot for you if required.
Warmest Regards,
Rayesa Addams-Ahmed
Curator
Tate Modern
Loki finds himself in a blur outside Y/N’s door, he knocks before entering. The shower shuts off and Y/N exits at the same time as he sets foot in, Loki finds his eyes trailing up her frame as Y/N momentarily freezes.
“Loki!” Y/N chides.
“I’m sorry I, I got excited because of an email.” He snaps out turning and covering his eyes with one hand.
She quickly grabs her night shirt throwing it on and only mildly struggles with her pyjama pants, “What email?”
“Tate Modern, the exhibit it is back, it is open for one weekend exclusively for members. Rayesa offered us a private viewing whenever we want.” He explains.
“Tonight we, its late how will we even—,”
“We could eat dinner now, I can drive, or we could even run.”
“No, not after eating.” Y/N shudders at the thought.
“Right you get queasy.” Loki purses his lips, “The train?”
“Faster than the car…” Y/N trails off, Loki turns as he hears her pad towards him.
“I’ll call her.” Loki beams at the prospect of reliving their first date again.
“Yes please.” Y/N grins equally happy at the prospect to have their bond visualised once again.
Loki finds Rayesa’s contact, pressing call.
“Ah, Mr. Loki, I think you found my email I was just sending you an updated one, the private viewings are only open for the next weekend.” Rayesa informs,
“I apologise for the inconvenience, I remember how much your guest and you enjoyed the experience.”
“Oh, just a moment Rayesa,” Loki conveys the change to Y/N they agree to have it next week they’d leave after practice so a ten o’clock night viewing was penciled in under their names.
“Thank you so much. I look forward to catching up with you two.” Rayesa bids farewell.
Loki settles in next to Y/N on the couch as they hold their plates of food.
He’s picked out rewatching modern family knowing it is a comfort show for his mate.
Y/N smiles as they settle into the familiarity of the show.
Plates slowly become empty and bellies are full of future date plans and food. Hearts still stay wounded around the edges but moving towards healing.
Their soft laughter only adds to the comfort Y/N feels. Her head rests on Loki’s chest as they shift into a more laying down position, Loki’s arms encircle her, the throw blanket laid over them, his fingertips trace over her back as they lay still watching.
Y/N finds sleep creeping upon her easier. Her eyelids slowly droop. Y/N sighs snuggling closer to Loki, his body slightly colder than her own but there was a comfort he brought to her by just being there.
“I missed this,” She admits, Loki looks down at her sleepy face, smiling.
“Missed what?” He enquires, he shares the sentiment of this quiet moments that were as much as theirs to keep as were their moments out and about.
“This, laying with you, hearing your breathing, having you near me.” She confesses.
“I have missed having you in my arms.” Loki confesses as well.
They yet hadn’t spoken alone about what transpired when he quote unquote broke things off.
Y/N and Loki both silently agree that moments of comfort and finding their way back to each other took priority.
It was futile to move forward with that hanging above their heads, but they just wanted to escape till when they could, till their hearts and minds wanted to hide away from the harsh words.
Three words still dance on the tip of her tongue. Even in her sleep addled moment. She wanted to whisper them.
Loki feels the bond shift back to silver, he feels his breath knocked out of his lungs at the force with which Y/N’s love cascades across their bond towards him at full throttle, venom pools at the corners of his eyes.
She still held love for him.
Maybe he had hope, hope that he could have her forgiveness her love to cherish again and never let go.
“I love you.” Loki whispers against her temple. Keeping her in dreamland with his soft caresses and soothing words of affection.
————
Sunday.
—————
Grocery shopping turned out to be an impromptu reunion between the two best-friends and brothers. They first hesitated and awkwardly hugged.
Then Nia dropped the canned soup display when she picked one up from the middle. Y/N saw the whole thing from the other end.
Loki and Thor were off broodingly staring at each-other in the corner.
Y/N wheeled her cart quickly to Nia, grabbing her and pretending they were never near the display to begin with, only when they reached the aisle for detergents did they begin to laugh.
“That was exactly like the cartoon.”
Nia wipes a tear that strays due to the laughter.
Y/N only giggles nodding, the mental imagery on repeat.
“Ma’am do you know who touched the soup display?” The store manager approached them. They straighten up. Shaking their heads.
“It looks fine to me.” Nia says gesturing to the display.
The man turns around and the display is perfectly in place.
Thor and Loki round out from the next aisle holding various decoy items with smiles of achievements on their innocent faces.
“I swear I saw the mess just a second ago.” The manager turns back to their ground then scratching the back of their head they go to inspect it up close.
Y/N grins spying the Nutella jar Loki holds, “This is incentive to kick ass today.” He insists.
“Whats today?” Nia questions, Thor silently watches the exchange.
“Witch training.” Y/N informs making space for the items in Loki’s hands in the cart.
“Oh, how is it going?”
“Kicking ass some days and getting my ass kicked most days.” The young witch admits.
“You’re going to do great. I believe in you.” Nia pulls Y/N in for a hug.
Y/N hugs back, her heart feeling elated at the happiness of having her best friend back, not that she was lost to her. Just the fact that they weren’t speaking.
Thor clears his throat drawing the friends apart.
“Thor.” Nia huffs, “I just got my bestie back.”
“I’m not keeping you apart I just wanted to say that, I’m sorry.” Thor looks down at Y/N apologetic.
“Oh,” Is all Y/N is able to muster.
“I realise things could have been handled keeping everyone’s emotions safe and not jeopardise your bond with my brother.” Thor admits, “I’m also sorry that I didn’t protect you better when you were vulnerable.”
“I’m sorry too for implying that taking care of you was a burden.” Nia adds.
Characters: Loki, Thor, Fem OC, Reader, Bucky Barnes, Stephen Strange
Warnings:angst, mentions of depression, discussion about depression, non consensual drug usage, fluff, Bucky just wants his PhD done man, non con blood drinking, Binder over usage by a character, discussion of removing the binder, body dysmorphia, angst between reader and loki, loki fluff, angst between reader and bucky. MINORS DNI
Word Count: 11.2k
A.N.:sorry for going awol there was alot going on irl and i lost all drive to write but i’m back and motivated, i have more work lined up so please do check out my masterlist!
Sierra looked between Miles and Clark, a grim expression upon their faces.
“Can the two of you tell me what happened that caused baby witch to pass out? For four days?”
“Well, we went pretty hard with the history lesson.” Clark scratches the back of his neck.
“What did you do to the bond?” Sierra wonders.
“Well apparently the vampire had already caused interference, it was frayed intensely.” Miles responds covering his eyes with the palms of his hands.
Exhaustion riddled the two men.
“Did he not want her? I’ve never heard of vampires wanting to break a bond…” Sierra furrows her eyebrows, none of the books about vampires suggest willingness to wreak a bond so sacred given once in a lifetime.
“I believe there was something afoot prior to our intervention.” Clark muses, as he sifts through the box of grimores once again.
“Do you think we can keep her prepared?” Miles wonders aloud, marking the bottles of herbs.
“Either she is or we use the same technique as we did these, past few days.” Clark suggests, astral projection demands energy out of them but is a viable option to remain uninterrupted.
Sierra gasps, “Eight decayed bodies were found in the northern region of Romania. Bodies of campers, mangled and burnt they suspect an animal attack and then the tents caught fire.”
She then scoffs at the reasoning, “This screams vampire.”
“He’s closing in on covens much more rapidly.” Clark purses his lips, looking at Miles.
“You want to reach out to her again?” His husband vocalises the thought.
“She’s woken up an hour ago.” Sierra reads the update from her nursing shift partner.
“Then she’s had an hour to rest.” Clark deems, setting up the candles for the circle.
Miles grabs the dried lavender sprigs, arranging them in a crescent within the circle, smaller candles to denote the stars akin to their shared necklaces.
Sierra lights the candle residing at the centre of the crescent, she then takes her place at Clark’s left and Miles stands across her.
Clark begins welcoming the element governing each direction,
“From the North we call upon Fire, from the East we call upon Air, from the South we call upon Earth, from the West we call upon Water, Spirit we call upon you and we call upon the protection given by our moon.”
Crackling of the candle flames,
Cool breeze of a summer afternoon,
The scent of earth after rain,
The bubbling of a stream,
The iridescent line of spirit traces the circle, and each sprig of lavender intertwining the three witch coven members.
“Allow our fourth member to connect with us in the realm of astral, guide us, moonlight to the one we seek,
allow us elements the chance with her to speak.” Clark seeks permission, soon they are led to the realm as they wait for Y/N to join them.
— — — —
“Well, this is not how I expected to find you.” Nia looks between Loki and Y/N, the latter still between the vampire and the wall.
Y/N places a palm against Loki’s chest. He shifts.
Nia walks over, “What the fuck were you thinking?” She looks at her best friend.
“I left you a letter!” Y/N defends.
“A letter? Gee thanks. Where was the part about a four-day sorcery or witchy bender?” The shorter woman demands.
“I’m surrounded by a bunch of idiots.” Nia rubs her temples moving to the couch.
Thor knocks as he enters, giving Y/N a smile and a pat on the shoulder.
“Welcome to the supernatural club.”
Y/N laughs, “Yeah officially in it I suppose.”
Nia glares at Thor.
Thor in turn pales, slightly.
Her irritation takes prominence he looks at her apologetic.
Loki gazes between the two then back at his mate.
“You should get back into the bed.” He murmurs.
“I’m good thanks—,” “Get on the bed.” Nia gives her a glare and for once Y/N is afraid of Nia.
Loki moves forward to help Y/N.
“I can handle it.” She spits out.
“Be my guest.” He gestures for her to move ahead.
Y/N leaves the support of the wall, lowering the guard rail and sits on the bed. Everyone stares at her expectantly, “What?”
“Go on, tell us what happened.” Thor requests.
“Coven customs won’t permit her to say anything.” Loki pipes up.
Y/N bites the inside of her cheek, Loki feels her irk through the bond distantly.
“Sorry.” He adds.
“Right the customs don’t allow me to divulge too much information, the sensitive kind, the awakening did undo what Loki did the night I was attacked by Zemo in the forest.”
“You remember?” Nia’s eyes widened and her voice raised an octave, “How?”
“I think the awakening did something to undo it…” Y/N looked down at her hands, the memory was fresh in her mind not distant. She wondered for a moment, if Loki did not have to erase that dance, those touches.
How would have things between them shifted? Would they have confessed earlier? Would Loki be able to confess at her doorstep?
Or would it just be brushed away as a moment of weakness?
“Well, that is something to know.” Nia glances at Thor, he offers her a small smile. She looks back at her best friend on the bed.
“They showed me the history of the coven, these two were under Alexander and had to well partake in the extinction, but the high priestess at that time, Samana,” Loki looks to the floor as Y/N continues,
“Loki was involved with her and they allowed a portion of the coven to live on and pass down the magick.”
“I had to do what I did.” Loki defends.
“I thought vampires were to wait for their mates?” Nia interjects.
“Not all follow the norm, at least not in Alexander’s coven, he pushed everyone to, ‘have their unregulated fun’.” Thor explains, a wince on his features.
“So basically, you all were told to sleep around?” Nia looks between the brothers.
“It was not just sleeping around… Blood sharing, usage of our gifts to gain insight, lead witches astray or humans, lure them. Our kind has done questionable things. Things that, that have haunted me in my sleepless nights.” Loki gazes at Y/N, her eyes trace over his features.
They had this conversation before, being forced to do these unspeakable things, preying upon innocents, killing covens.
“You aren’t that person anymore.”
Loki closes his eyes tightly at the words his mate repeats to him she’s utter against his lips before.
Thor watches Nia, her eyes glaze over with unshed tears, “Is, was anything done to you if you did not comply?”
Thor pulls her into his lap as he sits on the couch.
“There was Brock.”
“He’s horrible.” Nia states from the events that were shared by Thor.
Loki laughs humourlessly, “His death does not bring the closure, I wished it brought forth.”
“Brother.” Thor sighs, he runs his fingertips over Nia’s forearm, the gesture brings more comfort to him than her.
Loki seats himself on the stool near Y/N’s bed.
“I need to tell you why I left.” Loki takes her hand.
“I don’t want to know—,”
“It is why the bond is scrambled,” Loki hears her heart stutter, her lips part as her jaw drops.
“What did you do, Loki?” Y/N finds her voice, the tone rising as anger ebbs through her and interlaces the broken fragments of their bond.
“I did it to protect you, your coven should not have survived earlier, Alexander would know, and it would not matter if you are my mate, so,”
Y/N felt Loki’s voice turn into a haunting echo. Her eyes shifted to Thor and Nia; they began to stretch farther away as the room began to expand.
“What?” Her own voice an echo, her hands blur in and out, reminding her of how the drugs would take over.
“Y/N?” Loki’s worried voice silently reaches her, she looks up at him, multiple Lokis are cupping her cheek.
The scent of lavender fills her senses.
“Lavender?” She breaks the syllables as she vocalises.
“What is going on?” Nia stands up as does Thor.
The hospital room disappears.
Candles burning, lavender, crescent moon.
Candles burning, lavender, crescent moon.
A circle with candles.
“North by the Fire, by the Air from the East, Earth of the South, West brings the Water, Spirit surrounds you, young witch and the protection of the moon, meet your coven in the astral realm we have much to do.” Clark’s voice greets her ears as their image of standing around a circle becomes clearer.
In the physical realm, Loki lands on his knees. The stool makes a clang.
“Brother!” Thor, pulls Loki upright.
Loki wheezes, “She—,” he chokes on his words, the bond clutches at him as panic sears.
His side of the bond is burning painfully with worry.
Bring her back,
bring her back,
bring her back
where is her soul?
where is her soul?
where is her soul?
“She’s unconscious.” Nia deems, gently letting go of her hand.
“She is in the astral realm.” Thor explains, “If she stays there too long the bond may break. The soul bond is heavily weakened. I fear they may not get a chance again.”
“Fuck. Could we astral and prevent it?” Nia hopes, her resolve breaks as her mate shakes his head.
“We need to find the coven and stop them.” Thor hurriedly states.
“The patients, Miles and Clark.” Loki lowers the guard rail, grabbing onto Y/N’s hand, momentarily relaxing at the contact.
“Find Stephen he will have the patient records and addresses.” Loki contemplates shifting closer to Y/N.
In the astral realm, Y/N finds dread seeping in, why does it feel as though something is being snatched away?
“What is going on? Is everything okay?” Y/N gazes at the three members.
“Alexander Pierce is going on a rapid witch-hunt.” Miles informs her, she moves closer to the circle.
“Is he here nearby?” Y/N looks between the three, there is a tug in her chest, as though a deep-rooted plant is being tugged from the soil.
“Last known location was Romania, he usually converts those he deems useful, his gift is knowing if abilities get transferred to the vampire form of an individual.” Clark explains.
“So, we need to prepare to take him down.” Y/N verbalises the unspoken sentiment.
“Precisely.” Miles nods.
“However, you need to train harder than before for harnessing your abilities.” Clark adds, a look of worry passes over his features.
“Could we do that in the more physical realm? This drained me down four days… I can only imagine how much the astral realm impacts your energies.” The baby-witch suggests, a wince gracing her features at the sensation that is manifesting tenfold within her.
“It is true, we need to practice in the physical realm.” Sierra agrees, “There is far too much risk remaining in this realm.”
“Also, you need to start your own grimoire.”
“My own book or spells?” Y/N raises an eyebrow.
“Basically, a guide, not all spells work for you, there are different banishments, hexes, protection spells that work and don’t work. Sort of like your techniques as a physio? You need to find the correct ones and practice.” Sierra smiles encouragingly.
“I suggest starting with finding your grandmother’s Grimoire, and if you cannot find it start with protection spells.” Miles offers.
“Okay.”
“We need you to focus on this, so I suggest you divide time between your degree and your coven.” Clark’s words have an authoritative undertone.
“Yes, getting Alexander off of our backs will be helpful to everyone.” Y/N agrees.
“It will be, do not get distracted.” Clark sighs.
“Your mate how is he?” Miles curiously wonders much to Clark’s displeasure.
“The bond is messed up, I he was saying something right when, well…” Y/N gestures to the circle with her hands, her chest constricts again.
Sierra looks at Y/N pointedly, “Is something bothering you?”
“I have this gnawing sensation in my chest as if something is getting uprooted.” She rubs over her sternum it does little to soothe her.
“That is the bond being ripped.” Clark explains, Y/N widens her eyes.
“No. What, no send me back.” Y/N pleads.
“Why? Did he not leave you? Did he not mess with the bond?” Clark’s features have disapproval written all over them.
“He is my mate.”
“He left you.”
“That is between him and I to sort through.”
Miles’ eyes widen, “Clark you knew.” He says accusingly.
“Oh, hell no, if her bond breaks, she is going to be in no position to be of any help.” Sierra yells almost.
Y/N grips her head, the sensation increases in intensity, she can feel the beginning of the uprooting of the threads of the bond.
“Send me back please.” She falls to her knees at a harsh tug, “Loki.”
“Clark, close the circle.” Miles glares at him.
“I will not.”
“Clark, close the circle, now. She could have long term trauma.” Sierra presses on, the readings she did deeply into the bonds have given her intensive knowledge.
“Sierra.” Clark warns.
Y/N hunches over, clutching her chest.
Loki’s eyes prick with venom as Y/N’s unconscious body moves to clutch onto her chest. He knows she can feel it too.
Everything he’s done to cause damage mocks him, he never wanted to lose her.
The thread tugs harshly, the silver glow that formed goes towards bronze again, splotches of black appear.
“Why is it turning black?” Y/N looks at the bronze thread that surrounds her with spots of shapeless black.
“It’s breaking.” Sierra has tears in her eyes.
“I’ll lose him, please, I’ll prioritise the coven, just please don’t let me lose him.” Y/N feels the warm tears cascade down her face. She finds herself crying on behalf of her mate, taking the share of his unshed tears.
Loki pulls her body closer, wiping the tears that fall. If he could cry their tears would mix.
“I’m so sorry, I did this to you, to us.” Loki presses his lips to her forehead.
“If the bond is strong enough, I would have to turn you. I, I could not take that choice away, I fell for you, I love you so deeply from the bottom of my un-beating heart.” Loki wonders if she can hear.
“I thought if I kept the bond hanging Alexander would spare you, I reached out to a witch. When i left, she kept scrambling the bond ever so slightly. But then, then you over dosed.
“I felt my world shatter. Y/N I ran, ran back to you for holding you once more.
“Zemo said, the scramble was enough to know that you were mine, I made sure that my mark was upon you.”
Y/N hears Loki’s voice.
Miles looks at Clark, Clark keeps his gaze on the fallen witch.
Sierra glares openly at the high priest.
“I wonder if you will forgive my actions, even if you find it in that heart of yours that encompasses all the kindness, I have ever been worthy of in my entire life. The affection that you gave me.” Loki pauses as pain tears through deeper between them, he shudders as does Y/N in the astral realm.
“Clark please.” She heaves out a sob.
“Even if you do forgive me, I will not forgive myself. I, I could have stayed and protected you. I could have told you the truth but when I saw the necklace, I knew I had to use the way decided before. He despises your coven, hates it with a vengeance. I could have protected you better, I could love you better.” Loki presses his lips over her cheeks and temple.
“I could love you better, I could have given you the love you deserved to receive. Not what I gave to you instead.” Loki’s voice ceases.
Y/N sobs brokenly, the flames upon the candles burn brighter and intensely. She needs to get back, the spells rhyme and have intent. She needs to get back to Loki. Y/N would deal with the insubordination to Clark later.
She looks at Sierra, who nods understandingly.
“Fire by the North guided to by stars,
Wind by the East caressing my scars,”
“Stop it.” Clark warns.
“Earth by the South our bodies you guard,
Water by the West you wash away foes who intend facade,”
“As your high priest, I—,”
“Spirit, guide me back to where I lay,
Moonlight, protect me on my returning way.”
Y/N visualises returning back to the hospital room, a valiant effort in ignoring the crumbling bond.
Sierra pushes energy towards Y/N, letting her words echo.
Miles’ jaw drops when the side Y/N is on begins turning back into the hospital room.
Y/N keeps the visualisation on, a small moon guides her back to where her body lays in Loki’s arms. Her astral form strokes his cheek, Loki opens his eyes at the contact.
Y/N returns to her body, wrapping her arms around him with an urgency. Loki buries his head in the crook of her neck.
“I’m sorry.” He sounds broken.
Y/N strokes his cheek, her hand moving to his scalp, Loki’s eyes close at the familiar sensation. Sleep never came to him, but this? His Y/N’s fingertips softly moving through his hair, providing quiet comfort and love to him? This replaced his want for slumber.
“We’ll talk about it all later. Okay? I hope I wasn’t too late…” Y/N presses a kiss to his head.
“Its still weakened, not broken.” Loki pulls her closer, his lips brush over her neck.
Y/N feels relief when the stars slowly climb across her chest. They seem distant but they make their presence known.
“Do you need to feed?” She continues her slow movement across his scalp.
“No, not yet.” Loki breathes in her scent, the vanilla grounding him.
They lay that way, months since they shared the intimacy of each other’s company.
There is a knock on the door.
“Strange.” Loki shifts the two of them into an upright position, Y/N stays close tucked into his side.
“It is Doctor Strange.” The man corrects as he enters, her chart in hand, “How are you fairing?” He does a once over on Y/N.
“A bit better now, earlier… I was traversing the astral plane with our bond almost breaking.” She summarises.
“Hmm, yes, your best-friend and brother informed me. They are on the way to the given address. I suppose you haven’t contacted them yet in favour of being close.” The doctor gives them a pointed look.
Y/N feels her cheeks warm in embarrassment.
“Well, I advise that you both stay close, even if you put distance the bond will force you to seek the other out. Having undergone too much duress. You need to rest as well, two astral projections for this stage of your awakening, speak to your coven later.” Doctor Strange turns to Loki, “here.” He places down two blood bags.
“Thank you.” Loki nods in appreciation.
“Could you,” Y/N wonders if its the right thing to do but it just hit her how horrible of a friend she is, “Doctor Strange, could you please check on Emery?”
“Are they not well? They are in the intensive care unit today for rounds.” His eyebrows furrow, worry lacing his features.
“No, um, they wear a binder and well they might over use it usually I keep tabs I just saw the clock and well…” Y/N looks up at Loki when he squeezes her hand in assurance.
“I will speak to them.” The Doctor nods, “I still expect the presentation of the case with the juniors taking the history.” He reminds as he exits.
Loki eyes the bags, looking at Y/N.
“You can do it… I’ll just close my eyes if that is comfortable for you. Kind of like a juice bag you know.” She giggles at the absurdity of the statement.
Loki chuckles, “Very rich in iron this juice.” He plays along, shifting off of the bed to grab the bags.
Y/N feels the stars receding, he is not even more than ten feet away.
In a blur Loki is back next to her.
“Was that as awful for you?” He cups her jaw, she nods.
“It, it was as though missing you but it ached.” She informs, the stars slowly return to their place as they did whenever Loki was nearby.
“The stars back yet?” Loki smiles as she nods, he makes a small tear on the bag, looking at her.
“You know I’ve had you feed from me.” She reminds him.
“That was an emergency.”
“Still, it doesn’t put me off, you need this for your optimal strength.”
Loki nods, bringing the bag close, the liquid coating his tongue, he hums as his fangs descend puncturing the bag further.
He is aware of her warm hand intertwined with his left one. Rubbing light circles. Her free hand preoccupied with texting Nia and Thor to fall back. He moves onto the second bag, the discards both in the red hazard bin.
Loki shifts their position again, Y/N faces Loki, his arm now around her waist.
“You need rest, witchling—darling—Y/N.” He tells her, annoyed that he muddled over the affectionate terms. After her declaration he isn’t sure of what to say to her.
Y/N strokes her thumb across his cheek.
“You can use the nicknames.” She shifts closer towards him, her head tucked under his chin.
Y/N relishes in his scent, no longer having to traverse through the memory to pretend he is close.
“I missed you.” She confesses.
“I missed you as well.” He exhales, turning to place a kiss upon her wrist.
The stars cascade between them, floating across their chests.
— — — —
“They can’t let the human ever go on a mission can they?” Nia angrily mutters.
“Well, it is for your safety.” Thor adds lightly.
“Safety-schmafety, the day I decided to be with a vampire I think that went out the window.” Nia crosses her arms.
Thor shakes his head as he makes the U-turn to head back to the hospital.
“I’d protect you with my dying breath.”
“You aren’t allowed to say stuff like that.” Nia swats his arm.
“It is true though. I mean right for the moment you dropped all the weights at the gym.” Thor teases, fondness blooms like a thousand tiny suns across their bond.
“We were not going to speak of that.” Nia groans but smiles, “I was surprised at your strength.”
“I was doing push ups.” Thor defends.
“One handed.” Nia recalls the day as easily as breathing.
Seeing Thor, just made her feel as though she was harbouring a mini solar system within her entirely made up of bright burning suns.
Thor smiles to himself, his own personal sunshine next to him.
He reaches over, grabbing her hand over the console bringing it up to his lips.
“I’d protect you too.” Nia confesses, “Till the sun burned out from within me.”
“Nia…” Thor gazes at her intently, his senses taking care of the drive, “I’d protect you till the suns I harbour cease to exist.” Nia affirms.
Fourteen Months Ago.
Loki’s classroom is unusually quiet. He sprung on a test for them to annotate a poem they were to discuss.
His green eyes trail over the students, thinking hard and long for formulating the correct answers.
Bucky sits next to Y/N, a bold move to invade the space that Loki shares with her.
Y/N sits in the second row towards the left corner, the first row is only occupied on the right corner.
As though he called out to her, Y/N’s eyes move from the paper to Loki. He raises an eyebrow, questioningly.
Y/N shakes her head looking back down, a frustrated sigh escaping past her lips. Bucky check up on her when he hears the sigh. Loki rolls his eyes, a grimace gracing his features.
“Mr. Barnes, eyes on your own paper please.” Loki chides.
Bucky returns his gaze to his own paper, Y/N looks towards him then toward Loki.
The words Loki spoken on Saturday repeat themselves within her.
Her heart lurches, bits and pieces that Loki had given her cloud her mind.
Loki watches as she grows lost in thought.
Is it not baffling?
He was so unwilling to have someone forced to love him and now that she might be taken away by someone else, he can’t lose her?
Loki breathes in deeply.
She saw him in a light he had not bothered to see himself with, the assignment he traced the pages she changed it, never sent him the original, the one he had begun to read.
Loki felt a small tickle of anxiety loom through the still forming bond. He focused upon Y/N. She was frantically writing away on the paper checking her watch for the time.
“Shit, shit, shit.” Y/N knew the poem, The Road Not Taken by Robert Frost. The question Loki prepared was of two parts, the first to annotate the poem briefly and the second to write a minimum two hundred words for the appeal about the road less travelled upon, albeit it seemed she wouldn’t complete this test because the two hundred words never presented them to her and she only had ten minutes left.
“Is anyone done?” Loki questions his class, a chorus of panicked ‘no’s returns to him, “Will increasing the time help?” He asks and Y/N’s head snaps up her eyes convey her need for time.
“You have twenty minutes added so that gives you roughly a half hour, so I hope you all may try to cross two hundred words.” Loki takes a walk around the class as relieved sighs escape the frantic students.
“Thank you.” Y/N lowly whispers as he passes by and Loki offers her a smile.
Bucky Barnes’ hands shake, he blinks a few times. Gaze unfocused and this feeling of there being something dangerous near him takes his dread to tenfold.
He moves his eyes around the room, the dread increases when he find Loki looking at his own watch.
To be nervous of a professor is one thing but this weird feeling of dread was another thing entirely.
He remembers his grandmother telling him she used to get these feelings of dread whenever supernatural creatures were around, he has half the mind to scoff. Yeah, the professor gave a weird old timely vibe but not enough to warrant him being a creature.
Bucky sneaks a glance towards Y/N again. She’s gliding her pen across the paper and he makes sure to tell her a joke about lighting it on fire with the pace of friction against the paper.
The test concludes and Loki begins to gather the papers from each row, when he reaches Y/N’s end he gives her warm smile.
“I thought your paper would catch fire at the pace.” Loki chuckles as she blushes. Bucky frowns.
“I um,” Y/N shrugs, giving a small giggle.
Loki moves towards Bucky, when their hands meet as the paper is exchange Loki widens his eyes but quickly masks his discomfort where-as Bucky feels as though he has been burned.
What the fuck?
“Dismissed.” Loki announces quickly returning to his desk on the podium, the students begin shuffling out.
Y/N gathers her stationary slowly, wondering if she should speak to Loki now or take another day or two to give him a chance.
While she raises her eyes to meet green, blue ones meet hers.
“Bucky, hey!” She smiles brightly.
“Hey there, you could qualify for frantic writing as an Olympic sport.” He teases lightly. She rolls her eyes but laughs.
“I panicked.” Y/N explains.
“I did too.” Bucky agrees, he hands her the pencil-case she was to place back into the bag.
As their hands brush nothing occurs, Bucky deems maybe it was static that cause the reaction with the professor.
“Listen Poetess, I was hoping,” Bucky pauses as Y/N intently gazes at him.
Loki pretends to be busy organising the papers. His hearing focused on their conversation.
“That um, the date I described? The bookstore one?” Bucky prompts as she nods.
“The great intuitive insight of yours.” Y/N scrunches her nose as she teases and Bucky finds himself wanting to kiss her.
“Yes, that very insight.” Suddenly his mouth dries and he wondered, if asking her out this way is right or wrong.
Loki bites the inside of his cheek.
Please say no. He silently pleads through their bond.
“What about it?” Y/N smiles encouragingly, Bucky takes a deep breath.
“Today? Would you like to meet there? In the evening?” He bites his lip; her eyes linger on them for a moment it is all quiet.
Loki holds his breath unknowingly, Y/N then breaks out into a grin nodding.
“Is five-thirty, okay?” She wonders, Bucky nods enthusiastically.
Loki groans lowly, had his confession had no impact?
Or was she merely trying to not get attached to the vampire?
Or was the bond really not forcing her at all?
The two walk in step towards the door to the classroom.
“I have to run some errands so I’ll meet you there directly?” Y/N informs Bucky, his hand finds the small of her back as he lets her step out first.
“Of course, though I would love to pick you up but we can keep that for next time.”
“Already making plans for a third date Mr. Barnes?”
“What can I say, I believe we will.” Bucky winks at her.
“Oh, is that the intuition speaking?” Y/N raises an eyebrow, Bucky shrugs.
“A magician never reveals his secrets.” Bucky gestures zipping his mouth shut and throwing the key.
Y/N laughs, the mirth cascades over her, though she doesn’t feel the stars.
They walk to the diverging hallway their destinations on opposite ends.
Loki watches them, having stepped out for returning to his office.
Bucky waves goodbye before leaving, Loki nears feeling the tendrils of remaining mirth from Y/N.
She feels stars begin to glow over her, she turns around to find Loki walking in her direction.
“Professor?” She says when he is nearer, Loki slows down to a stop in front of her.
“Miss Y/L/N.” He greets noting the scarce students gracing the hallways.
“I wanted to discuss the assignment, is now a good time?” Y/N deems speaking to him sooner than later is better for the two of them.
Loki is taken aback at her sudden interest to speak to him.
“Yes, I have an hour till lunch free I believe we can discuss your concerns.” Loki gestures towards the path of his office.
They walk in step, Loki notices her lingering gaze upon him.
He opens the door for her allowing her to step inside before him.
Y/N steps to the side allowing him way to enter.
Her eyes fall on his desk, a small blush coating her features about a certain train of thought.
Loki feels a warmth bloom, he follows her gaze to the box of chocolates on his desk.
“You kept the box?” Y/N wonders if he can sense the surprise in her voice.
“You brought them for me.” He simply answers. “I kept a souvenir.”
“Also, you need to sit I believe taking too much weight still is not advised?” He shifts the chair back and Y/N settles down.
Loki takes his designated seat opposite to her.
“So, what about the assignment?” He waits for her response.
“Well, that was a ruse I actually wanted to um, discuss what happened… what you said…” Y/N begins hesitantly.
“Oh, what about it?” Loki hopes to ground himself, suddenly nervous.
“I, whenever you’re near I feel these stars? Its so strange like they wait for you?” Y/N chuckles at the absurdity.
“Would it ease your nerves that I feel them too?” Loki softly smiles, she nods.
“The weeks you came over and we spoke, I felt as though the silly crush I had may have some substance.” Y/N picks at the lint from her tights.
“And then the night before you disappeared… we well kissed. When you went onto zero contact I thought, things were ruined.” She confesses.
“I truly apologise for how I handled my communication; you deserve better.” Loki exhales, pursing his lips.
“Thank you for saying that, I, I understand there are things you may have not wanted to share given your perception to how things are, or maybe your experiences,”
“But I, I cannot um, I cannot accept being closed out or shunned from someone to whom I would give my heart.” She grips the handle of the chair then dares to look up at Loki.
“Are you telling me you do not want to pursue us?” It takes everything in him to not want to confront these feelings to avoid them to bury them deep.
Keep them there till he goes numb.
Y/N’s eyes widen in panic,
“Loki no I, I’m telling you that if we want to pursue this potential relationship, I need you to not be closed off but I understand that certain things will take time, and that I’m,” She takes an inhale.
“I was once with someone, he never defined the relationship, whenever I asked for something more he would close off, then talk sweet nothings and try to manipulate it. If he needed anything? I’d be there but if and when the tables turned my effort wasn’t reciprocated. I cannot go through that.”
“Well, I’m not going to do what that fool did to lose you.” Loki assures.
Y/N smiles, Loki clears his throat.
“Are you and Mister Barnes in the middle of a potential courtship?” Loki wonders curiously.
“I will be letting him know that I’m not interested to pursue anything other than friendship.” Y/N informs, Loki nods.
“I believe this means I have to take you on a date?” Loki gives her a warm smile, the one he always reserved for her.
“If you want to, I’m not pushing you for anything that may be uncomfortable. Also, there is the case of you being my professor.” She says, returning to pick at the lint.
“The course will end soon; we can go public here then I will inform the board two weeks after the course ends. Does that seem alright?” Loki wants to make her look into his eyes.
Y/N nods, still not meeting his gaze.
Loki stands, making his way towards her, he unbuttons his blazer before he kneels before Y/N. Gently taking her hands in between his own.
“I know it may seem as though I do not want to be seen in public with you but, I do not want to put your future at this university at stake. I can’t ask that from you.” Loki intently looks at her as she raises her gaze to meet his own.
“I don’t want your future here at stake either.” She reiterates, “We can wait to go public.”
Loki kisses the back of her hand.
“Do you have plans for lunch?” He enquires.
Y/N nods, “Have to meet up with Nia, she wants a new dresser for the room.”
“At this point the two of them need to buy two pieces of each furniture item.” Loki deadpanned.
Y/N laughs, “How did they even manage to break a dresser?”
“They even broke my rosewood writing desk.” Loki shakes his head.
“That is bad.”
“At least they did not venture into my room.”
Y/N watches Loki consider the thought and she does the same for her own room, both of them shudder and then break into a fit of laughter.
— —- —- —-
James Buchanan Barnes was having an awful day. He went from a happy morning to a stupid test where his professor made him feel like his hand was burned.
Then when he touched Y/N he felt a tingling buzz through him.
But this right now takes the cake, he knows he left his history draft on his desk this morning, he purposely did because it was a shit draft. He was going to grovel in front of the professor for an extension but then he thought if he has the shit draft, he can make his case about it being a shit draft.
After all Professor Ahmed though a strict and meticulous person taught them enough to recognise their own potential.
So now he wonders holding the aforesaid shit draft in his hand, exactly how to grovel?
He really, really implores the depths of his mind as to how the fuck is it in his bag and not shit anymore.
There is even a paragraph he wanted to type but never did get too because that idea struck him five seconds before he found the draft.
‘I really wish I had a green pen right now.’
“Oh, I have a green pen, here you go.” Bucky offers the pen to the wide-eyed classmate.
“Uh? Are you a psychic?” The student takes the said pen.
“No, um why?” If this day gets any weirder Bucky promises he’s going to call his grandmother.
“Well, I wished I had this very colour and you well, magically procured it.”
“I’ve been told I’m intuitive…” Bucky shrugs.
The conversation ends as Professor Ahmed enters the room, carrying her laptop and a few papers.
Half an hour later, Bucky stands nervously as Professor Ahmed’s eyes scan over the shit but not shit draft, her hand fidgets with the treasured fountain pen with which she grades all their submitted assignments.
‘If he could just re-arrange the paragraphs, he will have something solid.’
“I know the paragraphs are oddly placed, I wanted to ask for an extension I feel if I have just a few more hours. I know it is a strong paper.” Bucky scratches the back of his head.
“You read my mind; I was just thinking to correct the flow.” She writes the comment in the margin. Then a praise for the paragraph that he wanted to write but hadn’t but it was still ever present.
Professor Ahmed hands him back the paper with a proud look.
“You keep doing this Mr. Barnes and I think we can discuss that academic position.”
Yup he will continue magically producing great drafts. Bucky smiles and nods.
“Thank you, I’m sorry for cutting off your comment about the paragraph flow…”
“Mr. Barnes I never said anything, you initiated the conversation about what I was thinking.” Professor Ahmed smiles and dismisses him, Bucky blinks a few times then returns to his seat head in his hands.
‘Should I just leave the pen there or ask him what is wrong?’
“You can just leave it there.” Bucky answers without looking up.
The pen is returned and the classmate scurries off.
Bucky realises he did not actually hear a verbal thought.
He turns to face Maria Hill, another person in running for either the PhD position and the academic position.
“Hey.” He greets, she takes off her glasses and smiles in response.
“Hey, I heard the academic comment so if you’re outta the race for the PhD that is mine.” She warns teasingly.
He chuckles dryly, “Can I ask you something and you won’t be weirded out?”
“I’ve seen you scarf down 500ml of iced coffee during our TA phase I think it is tough to weird me out.” She looks over him warily, “Is it about the girl from your creative writing class?”
She pokes his shoulder when he blushes.
“Oh, someone is a smitten kitten.” Maria teases.
“Well, I do have a date so let’s see how that goes.” Bucky answers nonchalantly.
“So, what did you want to ask? Make out tips? Date tips?”
“Oh, I have the perfect date down to the dot.” Bucky smugly grins, brushing lint off of his shoulder in confidence.
“The confidence in here is at Everest.” Maria grins.
“Okay, okay, so um chose one of the following and I’ll guess, red, blue, lavender, pink.”
She looks at him pointedly.
“Humour me please?” He requests.
Maria goes over the options,
‘Lavender.’
“Lavender.” Bucky answers in synchronous with her thought
“Woah okay.” Maria is bewildered.
“Okay next, think of a number between one and five thousand.” Bucky knows he might sound insane.
‘Three-thousand eight hundred and fifty-six no fifty-one’
“Three-thousand eight hundred and fifty-six no, fifty one” Bucky says.
“How the hell are you doing that!” Maria covers her mouth.
“I really don’t know lucky guess?”
“Even the switch of a number?” She raises an eyebrow.
Yeah, he’s definitely calling Grandma Barnes.
Bucky only shrugs in response, when his phone buzzes he is sure he replicates the shock Maria had upon her face when his grandmother’s picture flashes across the screen as she calls him.
Most of the classroom is doing their own thing and Professor Ahmed is still going through papers.
“Hey Gramma.” Bucky greets as a calm washed over him.
“How is my little Bucky?” He can hear the smile in her voice.
“I was thinking about you.” He says honestly.
“I had a feeling, hence the call. Have you been guessing thoughts?” Her gentle voice questions.
Bucky feels his shoulders sag, “I don’t know how am I being able to do so…”
“Can you come down for a visit? Its better if we converse in person. You will get time to return back by five thirty.”
“How do you—, never mind.” Bucky shakes his head knowing her uncanny ability.
“I’ll see you in an hour Bucky.” Gramma says as they bid each other good bye.
Present.
Doctor Strange makes his way through the crowd. His chest feeling constricted, briefly wondering if the theory put forth by Loki holds water.
The doors to the department, he uses his heightened hearing to locate the sole heartbeat in the empty department. Accompanied by ragged breathing.
“Emery?” Stephen calls out.
The screech of velcro and a groan originate from the back room. Stephen knocks on the door.
“Emery? Are you okay?” Stephen calls out.
“I—,” Emery sniffles, chest still feeling raw as they struggle to breathe.
“Y/N’s awake, she asked me to check up on you. I know about the binder; do you need anything?” Stephen struggles to not rip the door off, their breathing pattern sounding off.
“I—, I went over the limit, I want to take it off but I don’t, I don’t have anything oversized.” Emery’s broken voice comes through.
“Emery, I want you to please try to breathe in the limit of the binder. I will be back in 5 breaths.” Stephen assures.
“You will?” Emery wonders lightly tugging that the binder digging into their skin.
“I promise.”
Something about Stephen Strange’s presence calmed Emery.
“Okay, I, I’ll start…”
“Five breaths and I’ll be back, Inhale, please.”
The small breath reaches his ears and Stephen rushes towards his office, with Emery’s second exhale.
On the fourth exhale his blue shirt is in his hands, as Emery sighs between breaths Stephen knocks on the door.
“I’ve got a shirt; it is in my size so I believe it should meet your over-sized criteria.” The doctor informs.
“Okay… are you sure you’re okay with me, having it?” They ask, one hand on the door knob.
Stephen places his hand on the doorknob as well.
“Completely. You can keep it for however long it provides comfort. If you I could keep a set here in the event you require something oversized but do not have one.” The professor explains hoping his voice carried comfort.
“I don’t mean to make it a habit.” They dryly chuckle.
“Please don’t wear the binder outside of stipulated hours, I, I can understand your friendship with Y/N warrants further comfort but please do not hesitate to reach out in-case you need to speak to someone in her absence.”
The lock clicks, Emery opens the door enough so that the shirt can be given into their hand.
Emery takes a breath, “Holy shit this is an expensive brand.” Their fingertips trace the label.
“It will be very comfortable. I assure you. I will be in my office so you can change with ease,”
“Will you stay outside?” Emery requests.
“Of course.” Stephen assures, stepping back near the door.
The sound of fabric then Velcro reach his ears.
Emery sighs with relief as the restrictive material finally parts with their skin. They try not to stare at the jagged lines indented onto their skin but the mirror in the far corner does pique curiosity.
They clamber over with Doctor Strange’s shirt in hand. Staring at their own reflection and how the colour of the shirt brings out their skin in a way they never knew could.
“How are you fairing, Emery?” Strange’s baritone of concern pushes an edge of comfort onto them.
“I’m, I’m not okay but, I think I will be, thank you for the shirt,” they say as their hands move through the sleeves as they button it up.
A laugh bubbles over from their belly. Strange smiles at the closed door.
“Do not laugh.” Emery warns, as the knob turns.
“I would never.” Strange promises as the door reveals Emery’s bright eyes and flushed face the shirt several sizes too big upon their frame.
Stephen smiles endearingly, “The colour looks lovely upon you. Brings out the brightness in your eyes.” His breath hitches when Emery looks into his eyes with their own.
A blush coats their cheeks, and they smile shyly. They tug at the sleeve of the shirt.
“Have you eaten yet?” Stephen breaks out of the stupor.
“Oh um, not, not yet. I’ve got some pasta I made; would you like to share?” Emery offers, “It’s, pesto so unless you’re allergic…”
“It is one of my favourites.” Stephen tells them truthfully, only limited human food brought him joy, “I have this spot I usually eat at, unless you want to stay inside?”
Emery stares at the taller man, his tone hopeful, “Is it on campus?” They look down at their own hands.
“It is a park nearby.”
“Lead the way, I feel like fresh air would do me some good.”
Stephen smiles, as does Emery.
They use the communal kitchenette to head up their respective food, Stephen grabs his car keys to retrieve the blanket he carried to the park.
Emery stays quiet for part of the walk, sneaking glances at Stephen ever so often.
“Is something on your mind?” Stephen questions as they enter the park’s shrubbery covered archway.
“Just, um, momentarily felt you’re taking pity on me.” Their hesitance at the admittance apparent.
“Emery, I can understand why it would appear seemingly so, but please, know that I only offered because I would like to get your mind away from what happened. I understand those thoughts may return but, please I would never approach out of pity.”
They’ve stopped walking, Stephen’s spot in mere feet away.
Emery gazes into his blue eyes which hold an emotion they can’t fathom. Tears brim at the corner of their own eyes.
“T-thank you. I, you’ve always been so inclusive and I never felt like an outsider in your department. Thank you.” Emery wipes the stray tears away, Stephen’s hand twitches by his side.
“I believe everyone should have a safe space to be their truest self, not all are lucky enough to have that at home.” Stephen looks towards the lake that begins from his spot.
“Did, did your family not support something?” Emery blurts out as the pair begin walking in tandem again.
“They did not support my desire for a career in medicine. My father was a miserly businessman and I could not find it in myself to fleece people.” Stephen explains, Emery grabs two corners of the blanket helping to set it down then the two lay the water bottles and food boxes.
“I’m sorry, I can understand that must have been a tough fight.” Emery sighs, reaching out to provide a comforting touch to Stephen’s palm. They hover above as they wait for Stephen’s permission.
The doctor nods, Emery places their hand upon his, eyes widening when they feel an electric pulse coursing between their palms.
Fourteen Months Ago.
Y/N stands near the display window of the bookstore. Eyeing the current top-rated books but nothing calls out to her.
Bucky watches her from across the street where he stands in the shadows a truth about himself revealed.
Bucky lifts his phone to his ear, watching as Y/N furrows her brows looking around before answering the call.
“Hey,” She still looks around.
“I’m not yet at the bookstore.” Bucky informs her, watching her shoulders sag in disappointment.
“Will you be a while? I don’t mind waiting.” Her fingertips trace over the poetry book he had kept in mind for her.
“No, I won’t be coming in, I’m taking a few months off.” He closes his eyes, at her sharp inhale.
“Why? Is, is everything okay?” Y/N steps out of the bookshop, leaning against the wall her eyes on her boots.
“I—, I wish I could explain better, but I can’t, it is a family thing in a nutshell.”
“Oh, um it is not anyone who has fallen sick is it? Is it Gramma? Is she okay?”
“No, no, nothing like that just, some work has come up and the entire family has to be there.”
Y/N looks up to the evening sky.
“Any idea when will you be back?”
“No, it…is… indefinite.” Bucky takes a steadying breath.
“What about the course? And your academic or PhD position?” Y/N bites her lip with worry, he had been working so hard.
“On hold. They promise to reward my hard-work if I return.”
“If?” Y/N wonders what could possibly cause this much of an uprooting in his life.
“You always catch onto the finer things.” Bucky smiles knowingly.
“Bucky, are you, are you not returning?”
“I will, I do not know when.” He assures.
“Then,fuck. Why does this seem like a permanent goodbye?” Y/N runs her hands through her hair.
“I know you have stronger feelings for someone else.”
Bucky exhales as the shock on her face wears off.
“Just, just please stay away from Loki after the course, I, he gives me a bad feeling.”
“James, you’re throwing me off.” Y/N lets out a frustrated groan.
“Are you leaving because of me not having strong enough feelings for you or are you leaving because there is something unavoidable? I, I never wanted to hurt you.” Y/N bites her lip, her throat closing up.
“Please don’t cry.” Bucky requests, Y/N looks to the side and shakes her head, trying to shake the tears away.
“Bucky,” she says his name as if it could be a reason.
“I’m not leaving because of you. I can assure you that much. Although I hope I can come back to find you for the date to complete, Poetess.”
Y/N closes her eyes, why did this hurt so much?
“Bucky please, I, can’t I see you? Before you leave?” She begs, there was always a blossoming friendship between them, it was as though they were at a crux in time with each other.
“Y/N.” Bucky sighs, “It will be harder to leave.”
Y/N shakes her head, a bitter taste at how this evening was playing out and then her eyes meet his blue ones across the road.
Bucky doesn’t speak, nor does Y/N, they can hear their breaths and watch the condensation of exhales as the air grows colder.
Bucky feels his phone buzz, he pulls it away to see his uber is pulling up in a minute.
Y/N’s eyes fall to the suitcase near his feet.
“Why couldn’t you say goodbye to my face?” She finally finds her voice.
The silver vehicle parks in front of him, the window lowered.
“Uber for James Barnes?” The man calls out loud enough.
Bucky looks back at Y/N, he knows his eyes are getting glassy. He knew this could have bloomed into something great, maybe not a relationship but a cherished friendship.
Bucky nods at the driver the trunk popped open, mechanically he goes through the motions of placing his case in as Y/N watches her feet ache to run across and offer comfort but they stay planted into the ground.
Bucky knows he could run to her and seek comfort but he knows that what awaits needs to be done on a priority.
The brunette gets into the car, his hair slips out of the bun slightly when he lowers the window, the car slowly pushes into drive.
Bucky’s voice breaks as he says his parting words, “Because I never wanted to say goodbye.”
“Bucky, please.” The hold on her limbs breaks when he stops looking at her, Y/N steps forward but is pulled back by a pair of familiar arms as a few cars rush past her.
“Y/N what do you think you were doing?! Going out into the street like that!” Thor exclaims, doing a once over, her eyes remain on the path that the silver car took, she looks at her phone and the call is cut, when she tries dialling Bucky’s number again a message of the phone being unavailable greets her.
“He left.”
“Who?”
“Bucky.”
“The warlock—war thesis creative classmate?” Thor corrects himself quickly, he is relieved when he concludes Y/N is too distracted to catch on to his slip.
Y/N looks down, at her hands, “Are, are you heading home?” She questions.
“Yes, Nia asked for a few things I just finished picking them up. Do you want to carpool?” Thor looks at her worried.
“No, I um, I don’t want to intrude date night, I’m just going to be here for an hour or so, I’ll be back home later.”
“You know we wouldn’t mind if you were at home. Are you feeling alright?” Thor places his hand on her arm, Y/N looks up at him, feigning a smile and nodding.
“Yeah, just, just feeling a bit low. I’ll
Be fine around the books.” She bids him goodbye and scurries into the bookstore.
— — —
Loki feels a rush of sadness surge through the bond. He pauses mid sip of his scotch and reading of the email sent by James Barnes.
It coincided with their date time so what was going on?
He grabs his jacket, ditching the need for his car in favour of his own bodily speed.
He enters the bookstore as the intensity of the sadness heightens, Y/N sits tucked away in a corner a pile of books untouched. Intermittently sniffling.
A small lone star presents itself in her chest and Y/N looks up to find Loki gazing at her with worry.
“Did he hurt you?” Loki feels venom coat his tongue at the prospect of the warlock causing harm to her.
“No. He left; I–, he knew I didn’t have deeper feelings but the way he just left without explaining anything. It is just, he stood there on the opposite side he never came over to speak.” A fresh batch of tears stain her cheeks and Loki leans in front of her, his thumb and index finger wiping them away.
“I understand how the loss of a friendship feels, that to one that held prospects of being a long friendship.” Loki continues wiping away the tears that still spill, “It will hurt, till how long you choose that, a week, a month, a year. I know it will be hard today and tomorrow but maybe with time you may understand why he left. Even accept the way he left.” His assurance washes over her, the vampire knows when he comes clean about himself, she may be open to understanding the remaining supernatural entities that walk the earth. Then when the time came her own self.
Y/N nods, allowing Loki to comfort her.
“Would you like me to read to you? We haven’t in a while.” Loki traces over the spines of the books she’s picked out.
He pauses over the book of love by Rumi,
“I hear nothing in my ear but your voice.
Heart has plundered mind of its eloquence.
Love writes a transparent calligraphy, so on
the empty page my soul can read and recollect.”
“You’ve read it?” Y/N smiles as Loki smiles at her.
“I have.”
“Do you have any other quotes from the book you find favourable?” Y/N watches as he sits next to her on the small couch.
“Another which is taken from between a larger piece.” Loki admits, after a moment of thought.
“Will you recite it?” She requests, he smiles.
“Maybe another moment in time I will, first though, I need to know if you have eaten?” Loki gives her a pointed look when she attempts to lie.
“No…” Y/N admits, playing with the zipper of her bag.
“I’ll get two coffees and some cake for you; I believe they have a new Nutella cake.” Loki laughs endearingly as her face breaks out into a beaming smile.
He excuses himself to place the order.
Present.
Y/N sighs relieved as Doctor Strange texts Loki that Emery is alright and that he is even making sure they eat before going back home.
Her head rests once again on his chest and the small glimmer of stars fix their places in the constellation that is the bond the vampire and human share.
Loki presses his lips to her temple, Y/N feels a tug within her at the gesture she missed so dearly.
“When I was apart from you,
this world did not exist, nor any other.” Loki declares, Y/N shifts her head to look up at him. Hazily the brain recalls their conversation about Rumi’s pieces and Loki’s promise to recite a piece he favoured.
“Where there is ruin there is hope for a treasure.” Loki brushes his nose over her jaw.
“Do you still think of yourself as lesser than you are?” Y/N questions once more.
“I find that I am not worthy of several blessings that I have had the fortune to hold in my arms, you are one of them.” Loki admits.
Y/N shifts, sitting up and facing Loki.
“You are worthy.” She whispers, “Why can you not fathom that?”
“I have done things, I hurt you. Y/N, please—,” Loki pauses, the lingering scent of an unwanted presence descends into the room.
“We need to leave, the vampire who attacked you is here.”
In a blur Loki has her at the door, the patient scrubs are still what she wears, Loki hands her bag to her.
Grabbing her close to him again he blurs outward, when he is at the edge of the forest, Loki finds his lower half pulled backward.
Y/N whimpers as she’s ripped harshly away from her mate.
“Loki!” Y/N screams, her back pressed against the chest of the vampire.
Loki is quick to stand back up, “Leave her be.” He warns venom pooling in his mouth.
“I just enjoy her taste, pretty boy.” The cloaked vampire shrugs, dragging Y/N away.
Loki launches himself to grab the vampire only to find that an he has been entrapped in a vampire weave.
“Fuck, fuck,” Loki punches relentlessly, the witch or warlock causing this needs to let him go for him to find her.
Loki retrieves his phone texting both Stephen and Thor about what has occurred.
He brings down his fists against the wall of the trap, the luminous wall shakes but does not relent.
Loki feels his knuckles bruise and heal as he keeps trying to get out of the weave.
Panic floods the bond and Loki cries out in pain at being helpless for his mate.
—- —- —
Y/N knows her spell should work. She’s constantly pressing her palms trying to get the shockwaves out to run but the depletion of her newly acquired energy is still lowered.
Someone was watching them.
“You know, I’ve tasted your blood before.” The wind whips around her, something in her mind reminds her of the impending danger the man’s voice brings. <
Warnings:angst, mentions of depression, discussion about depression, allusions to previous self harm (not graphic), allusions to non consensual occurrences by secondary character, fluff, a bit of steamy things between reader and loki, angst between thor and oc, a new good character, steamy stuff between thor and oc, Minors DNI
Word Count: 8011 (i have no words cause all of them went in this chapter)
“Thor Odinson. You absolute information withholding shit head!”
Thor feels Nia’s wrath across their bond before he hears her. Her heels echo and the scent of her hairspray lingering amongst the silage of her natural sweet scent gives him knowledge today was a mock trial she participated in; Thor feels scared.
“Oh you should be afraid!” Nia narrows her eyes, throwing her bag onto the couch, Thor stands holding the box of nuggets.
“Exactly what is it you are mad about, babydoll? I—,”
“Don’t you dare use nicknames.” She pushes her index against his chest, jabbing it for effect.
Nia finds her gaze move to the box of nuggets, her anger dulling only minutely, she grabs the box, eating one, her glare still affixed upon him.
Thor thickly swallows, following her actions.
“Nia—,” Thor shuts up at her intensifying glare. She shoves the box back into his hands.
Thor looks down at the empty box; how did she eat them this quickly? Always?
“You did not bother telling me, me, your girlfriend, magically chosen forever soulmate that my best friend and your brother are soulmates? I have to find out from her!” Nia raises both hands upward, hair moving with her.
“I thought it would be best if you didn’t know—,” He tries defending.
“Best?” Nia shakes her head.
“You would only try to make it happen, you know Loki’s stance on—,” He runs a hand through his hair.
“That buffoon,” Nia pinches the bridge of her nose, then looks at her soulmate.
Thor wants to laugh, the corner of his lip twitches.
“Don’t you dare laugh, you’re equally a buffoon.” Nia can’t help but ignore the mirth flowing from Thor towards her own heart.
Sometimes she hated the bond.
“Babydoll, you know his stance, I know you want what is best for Y/N but Loki needed to realise and act upon his feelings on his own accord.”
“So he confessed now at the ending of the creatives course?” Nia confirms.
“He did tell me, landing her into trouble is not what he wanted. Faculty student relationships are frowned upon.” Thor’s blue and brown irises soften, Nia sighs, cupping his cheek.
“He better not hurt her.” Nia warns, “I will stake him.”
Thor snorts, “I’d enjoy seeing that.” The mental image of Nia running behind Loki with a dagger too hilarious.
“He won’t tell her about our truth for a few months.” Thor lets her in on the plan.
“Ugh, it is frustrating keeping this a secret. I’m literally living my teenage fantasy.” Nia giggles, kissing Thor’s cheek.
“Wait,” Thor pauses, doing a double take over the conversation.
Nia grins sheepish as her slight coercion comes into light.
“You extorted information.” Thor now narrows his eyes at her.
“I wanted to know if he is serious, I don’t want my best friend hurt because suddenly Loki found his actual soulmate.” Nia shrugs.
He sets the box down, picking her up with ease, her legs wrap around him.
“And what fantasy is that?” Thor raises an eyebrow, Nia bites her lip.
“Oh just, having a vampire boyfriend who keeps me up at night.” She brushes her lips against his, the temperature difference urges something primal within her.
Their wanton gazes meet, the bond hums electrified, beckoning them closer.
Nia moans as Thor’s hands grab her ass, moving up her back and his lips meet hers with need.
They don’t make it past the hallway.
They also manage to also break the coffee table.
Loki and Y/N enter the house to find small splinters of oakwood everywhere accompanying loud moans from the second floor.
“We can just go to the coffee shop or….” Y/N suggests horrified.
“Yes, I um—,” Loki pauses as another loud bang resounds, his palm rests at the small of her back, guiding her back to his car.
Present.
“Thor Odinson.” Nia’s voice is calm. Their bond however, is screaming at him.
“Nia, I was going to—,” He tries speaking only to be cut off,
“When in these past eleven months, were you going to choose to share vital information?” Nia crosses her arms.
“Nia there was a lot going on…” Thor sighs, reaching out to grab her hand.
Nia moves away from him.
He feels his heart ache.
“No, I cannot believe you. We are supposed to be a fucking team. Telling each other everything. Sticking together.” Nia’s voice grows louder with each sentence.
“Nia, please let me explain, I cannot tell you, it has to be the choice of the witch.” Thor steps closer towards her.
She moves backward.
“Nia.” Thor finds himself wanting to beg her not to move away. It ached and hurt keeping things from her but he had to, withholding for protecting was counterproductive but what he needed to hold back he did.
“And what about this?” Nia holds up the polaroid of the wall with the message in blood.
“Where did you find this?” Thor grabs it away from her.
“When were you going to bother telling me?” Nia presses on,
“Nia, this is not the time nor place.” Thor clenches his jaw.
He can pick up the argument ensuing between Y/N and Loki.
“She’s awake.” Thor adds.
“Are you avoiding answering me?” Nia raises an eyebrow.
“I thought you would be worried about your best friend.” He runs a hand through his hair yet again. A frustrated sigh escaping him.
“You promised you would tell me. What else are you withholding? Did you know why Loki left? Is that why guilt surges through our bond when we have to pick Y/N up from those dumps?” Nia’s eye brim with tears.
Thor contemplates, eyes widening when he hears Y/N knows about the memory obscuring done all those months ago.
“Answer me.” Nia draws him back to present.
“Nia,” Thor closes his eyes.
“You let him go? Knowing the consequences?”
“It, I didn’t understand how it got this way, they did not even form the bond fully…” Thor opens his eyes, Nia shakes her head.
“You could have stopped him.”
“Nia, he had to leave, Alexander, is a bigger threat to—,”
“She could have died Thor. Does he realise he could have lost her? Do you realise you could have lost your friend? I could have lost my best fiend?” Nia’s voice breaks, sobbing fully.
The bond overcome with sadness and pain.
Thor wraps his arms around her.
Nia tries pushing him away, he only wraps his arms tighter. His eyes prick with venom.
“Why?” Nia questions after a few minutes of being in his embrace.
“Our father,” Thor feels sick at the word, “Eliminates covens, and the coven she belongs to have been kind to vampires apart from the ones of Alexander’s vampire lineage.”
“He would have killed her?” Nia looks up at Thor, he nods somber, wiping her fresh tears.
“Was there any other way?” Nia wonders.
“He could have turned her.” Thor whispers.
“Why didn’t he? Oh come on, he doesn’t want to be with her?” Nia scoffs.
“Nia, he, look the bond being messed with would prevent—,” Thor stops eye widening in realisation.
“What?” Nia grabs his forearm.
“We need to head home, I need to speak with everyone, Zemo included.” Thor retrieves his phone shooting a text to everyone to meet up.
“What,” Nia begins and Thor looks at her intensely.
“I believe I know what has been occurring because of her drug use.” He completes.
“You think it was blocking her witch instincts as well as the bond?” Nia mirrors his theory.
“Yes, but knowing Loki was gone this information only a few of us knew. Even her witch status.”
Thor and Nia’s gazes meet as they try and process who could be the leak.
Fifteen Months Ago.
“Ah, I trust all is well with your mate, Loki?” Zemo smiles warmly despite the current predicament he finds himself in with the brothers.
Thor rolls his eyes, crossing his arms leaning against the opposite wall.
Don’t hit him, don’t hit him, don’t hit him. He chants.
Loki looks between the two, he sits in the chair placed in front of Zemo, the dagger still in place.
“How are your ankles and wrists?” Loki looks over, the injuries are healing albeit slower.
“I’ve been in better health.” Zemo licks his dry lips, humming as the gesture irks Loki.
“Why must you imagine, I’m preying upon your unclaimed mate?” He teases the green eyed vampire.
“As I remember you were trying to do the said action.” Loki feels his vampire side ebb to the forefront.
How dare he try to touch her?
“Unclaimed are free reign as I remember.” The bound man raises a defiant eyebrow.
“There are levels to it are they not?” Loki reminds the rule.
“You and I know when a witch is an unclaimed mate rules are foregone.” Zemo reiterates.
“Not when the witch is a coven member’s mate.” Loki glares, red rims surrounding his irises.
Zemo laughs, the red dies down.
Thor gazes at Loki.
He knows something more.
Should I enter his mind?
His powers are weakened, go forth.
They brothers look at their guest once more.
“Go on, read my mind.” Zemo taunts.
Loki rises, towering over Zemo. Locking his eyes with him, Loki begins to navigate through the crevices of Zemo’s mind.
“Ah, look at that.” Zemo tuts, “Such a profound moment in the bonding and you made her forget.”
“Shut up.” Loki mutters, continuing onward, flashes of his humanity.
Loki feels his shoulder being tapped, he turns a woman stands there,
“Are you here to find us?” She questions.
“Who are you?” He questions.
The woman opens her mouth to answer, but pauses then hurriedly scurries away when she looks past Loki.
“I suggest your not uncover that path.” Zemo walks up to him.
“Your mind is much more organised from what I previously recall.” Loki muses.
A small table with tea and pastries manifests in the centre of the room.
Zemo walks gesturing for Loki to follow.
They sit, Zemo pours the tea, “Milk, sugar?”
“One cube.” Loki watches intently.
“What will I put in? A mental attack of herbs?” He smirks, shaking his head, “You wound me.”
Loki waits for Zemo to sip his tea before he does the same.
“Do you know the extent of my ability, Loki?” Zemo sets his cup down, wiping the corners of his lips with a napkin.
“You capture the essence of people. You know intimately their fears, strengths, what do not speak.” Loki takes a breath, jaw set.
“Correct, much as your ability to enter the mind, I am more akin to the soul. You could say we make a dynamic duo.” The Baron sets the napkin down.
“We did, once upon a time.” Loki agrees.
“Then you will know, I know your fears and wants intimately.” Zemo muses.
“And you will know I know your mind likewise.”
Zemo smiles wickedly, Loki mirrors the feature.
“Then you will be finding about what I plan for Alexander.”
“Luna shall know.” Loki warns.
“Luna is aware of what I plan. I only wish to know if your brother shall join in upon the fun.” Zemo’s eyes hold an angered intensity.
“He shall not be opposed.” Loki finds himself grinning.
“We first need to discuss your witch-mate Loki. If the young vampire returns to Alexander, then you know it is all over.” Zemo warns.
Loki retreats from his mind.
Thor is eating a burrito when Zemo and Loki return to the physical space.
“What I got hungry.” Thor shrugs, “So when are we letting him go?”
“Ah, ever the just.” Zemo chuckles as the dagger is removed and he’s handed a bottle of rose salve.
“I know when deals are in my favour.” Thor affirms.
“Either claim her, or you must leave her out for Alexander to deem worthy or not,” Zemo slowly stands, moving his injured joints.
“Zemo.” Thor warns.
“It is true, he needs to decide. If not her fate rests as Luna’s was or the way Mir suffered, the consequences of Alexander’s actions induce only harm.” He completes.
“Mir claimed her mate.”
“She did not turn her soon enough.”
Loki thinks over, would it be so hard to accept Y/N as his mate? Apart from a few shared interests he doesn’t understand what would place her for him.
“Loki, mates aren’t forged just for the interests.”
“Get out of my soul.” Loki grumbles.
“She’s your mate because you were forged for her too.” He pats his back.
Thor wonders if this conversation would be of any help.
“I must catch hold of the rogue.” Zemo announces walking to the staircase.
“If I find a semblance, an iota of betrayal,” Thor’s voice is deep, laced with warning.
“You will feed me to the wolves.” Zemo completes.
“After taking my share.” Thor gives a menacing grin.
The shorter man looks at Loki, who shrugs, “Fair warning.”
Zemo nods then blurs out of view.
Loki feels pain across the bond.
Thor notices the wince, “Nia says Y/N is in a lot of pain.”
“I think we should check up on her.” Loki asserts.
“Brother, I think you need to go alone to see her.” Thor prompts.
The raven haired vampire contemplates, he knows no matter what the outcome he does not want her hurt, bonded or not.
Nor does he want Alexander to grasp at her.
He cannot have her be damned to eternity by a selfish man.
He cannot let her go, either; today having Y/N in his arms, the way she fit with him.
Could the bond take her will into account?
Could they fall in love despite the bond?
“Have you decided, brother?” Thor places a hand upon his shoulder.
Loki nods, looking up at Thor, he smiles at his younger brother.
— — —- —-
Y/N stifles the hiss that wants to makes its presence known, she finds it weird how she can feel those stars dancing across he chest as if something good is nearing her.
“Hey.” Nia knocks on the doorframe.
“Hey.” Y/N replies, sitting up slightly.
“You have a visitor.” Nia tries hiding her smile.
Y/N furrows her brows, “Who?”
“It is Professor Loki.” Nia giggles when her best friend blushes.
“What? Did you invite him in? Is he sitting?” Y/N sits up then winces when the pressure comes on her wrist.
“Nope.”
“Why is he outside?” Y/N stresses.
“Look at you blushing!” Nia teases.
“Nia.” Y/N exasperates.
“He wanted to know if you’re awake, he had to leave the hospital earlier so he was still worried about you. Said he would only come in if you were comfortable.”
“Oh, thats, that is sweet of him, yeah, let him in. He can come inside.” Y/N looks over her room, nothing too messy, just the little kibble midnight dropped outside her bowl.
Y/N hears muffled conversation occurring on the staircase.
“How is she doing?” Loki enquires as Nia leads him to the room.
“Quite a bit of pain, honestly the first two hours back home were fine. Now it is starting but the pain medication is still two hours away.” She explains, then curiously ponders, “Was everything alright at home? Thor said he’d come by but hasn’t.”
“He’s wrapping up a few loose ends should be here soon.” Loki gives her a smile.
Nia knocks on Y/N’s door, giving her a teasing look before Loki enters into view, and the stars cascade over her chest as though celebrating Loki’s presence and distracting her from the pain.
Loki smiles at Y/N, his earlier hesitation diminishing into a dull bygone when he feels the joy across the bond.
“Well I have a mock case to prepare let me know if anything is required.” Nia looks between the two before leaving for her own room.
“Gave me quite the fright, Y/N.” Loki takes in her room, a few pictures lining the walls, pet food bowls in the corner.
Her jewellery hangs in a display case on the dresser.
“I honestly don’t remember much of what happened, it is this mushed up blur.” Y/N shakes her head as if to clear the block.
“You did hurt your head as well. The preliminary report said that…” Loki pretends to recall as she nods. He feels relieved the memory is obscured.
“Oh shit um, sorry, uh you can um sit on the chair you will just have to move the book, I can’t—,”
“You hold onto these,” Loki holds out a bouquet of flowers, daffodils.
“Th-Thank you, Professor Lo—,”
“Please, just Loki.” He corrects.
“Thank you, Loki.” Y/N smiles bringing the flowers closer to softly trace the petals.
Loki picks up the book kept on her chair,
“Van Gogh?” He enquires sitting down still holding the book.
Y/N nods, resting the flowers upon her lap, “I’ve found his paintings to be very intriguing.”
“Most people find his story intriguing.” Loki comments, tracing the spine of the book.
“It is but they tend to think that, he painted during his depression episodes, while it is said he actually painted during his recovery phase.” Y/N looks up at Loki, his gaze softens.
“They say he had tried consuming yellow paint and other chemicals for finding happiness.” Loki adds.
“Another reason why him painting during those periods would not have been viable. I can understand his need for wanting something to make him feel happier.” Y/N shrugs.
“Have you experienced depression?” Loki wonders, his heart saddens at the thought that she would have to suffer.
“I never received a formal diagnosis, but after my parents were having several issues, I realised I was in a downward spiral, I took towards my own, ‘yellow paint’ of sorts to feel something, anything.”
Loki watches her tug the sleeve of her jumper.
The bond holds a reminiscence of the hurt and numbness as Y/N remembers the past few years.
“I’m sorry you had to go through that, please know you have me to listen, if at anytime you need me to do so, for you.” Loki gently places a hand upon hers which rests upon the bouquet.
They sit quietly, Loki observes her biting her lip. While deep in thought.
“Do you know daffodils signify new beginnings?” He questions, coaxing her out from the ravine of thoughts that never did her any good.
Y/N smiles down at the flowers again.
Then at their hands.
“What new beginning have you brought them for?” She looks up at him, Loki wonders how could her eyes hold so much hope?
A beginning that could end in tragedy.
“I’m holding out hope, for a beginning with someone actually.” He says instead, giving her a soft smile that she had only seen grace his features when they had chance run ins at different places.
“I hope it works out.” Y/N says, giving him a warm smile of her own. Her hand turns and their fingers intertwine, some how it feels as though deja vu holding his hand.
“I have an inkling it will.” Loki strokes the back of her hand with his thumb.
——- —— ——
It had been a week, Loki visited Y/N nightly bringing in her coursework on the days he held class. He’d take centre stage in her room, Midnight would watch from her spot on the top shelf when he recited poems and dictated annotations.
Often giving Y/N a wink, a smile as her cheeks would tinge pink and he’d hear her heart rate increase.
On the days when coursework was not involved they would talk, Loki seemed to always ask the questions. Deflecting giving answers for certain questions which she would ask, especially about his family.
Y/N stopped asking too personal questions she’d never stray from lighter surface topics of conversation. The wall Loki had left up between them did set her off to feel an uneasiness that maybe these moments were just that, moments.
Not a memento for keepsake of a blooming relationship.
That this was not a start of something that Y/N found to be tugging upon her chest each time her eyes met with his green ones.
Or that somehow she would know when he was at the door or that she would send him a text just as his thoughts were upon her.
Loki knew the consequences of either choice. He wanted to stop himself, pull away before things got too complicated.
Y/N was showing him facets of herself akin to a gemstone.
All he gave her in return were two dimensional responses.
Maybe she would choose to leave.
“Are your parents planning to visit?” Loki asked once as they finished watching Insidious. Nia and Thor had excused themselves to her room earlier.
“No, um since the divorce they sort of well…” Y/N gestures with her hand trying to indicate fading away.
“Do they know you’re hurt?” His eyes fall to her leg resting on the coffee table with a pillow, the two of them sat on the couch with the popcorn bowl next to each other.
The doctor (and Doctor Strange at the request of Loki) both had cleared her for limited weight bearing movements and Nia wanted to celebrate with a movie night.
Y/N nods, Loki’s hand twitches wanting to rest upon hers.
“I’m sorry.” He says, making a fist of his hand.
“Not a big deal, they said they will come in for graduation.” Y/N looks back at the credits rolling,
“Oh um, I’m cleared for coming back to class as long as I wear the pneumatic boot to offset the weight.”
“That is good news. Will I see you in class tomorrow?” Loki studies her form, her eyes stay absentmindedly upon the names gliding across the screen.
“Yes.”
Loki frowns, the stars floating across his chest die down.
“Are you upset, love?” His hand reaches for hers and she looks at the limbs, how his skin looks against hers and how incredibly right it feels having him next to her.
“No, just, tired.” Y/N bites her lip, she could cry later at night, the past ten days filled with his visits could be a memory she allowed herself to cherish.
Loki realises she is lying, what could be this upsetting?
“Are you sure?” The worry in his voice makes her look at him.
She nods, “I um, I did the assignment.”
“You finished it in a day?” Loki quirks an eyebrow but has a proud smile soon taking over his face.
“Well I didn’t have anything better to do so um,” Y/N shrugs.
“Six thousand words of a short story isn’t a small feat, that too in two days.” He commends, “When can I read it?”
Y/N’s eye widen, “Oh um on submission day.”
“You’re done with it, yes?” He gazes at her.
A nervousness takes over the bond.
“Yes…”
“Then I can read it.”
“My laptop is out of charge.”
“Did you use names you do not want me to see?”
Loki smirks when his suspicions are confirmed with her silence.
“Did you use my name?”
“No…” Y/N groans internally knowing her voice gives it away.
“Now you must show me.” He presses, voice light.
“You can read it when I submit it.” She presses.
Loki pouts, Y/N looks at him in disbelief.
“I’ve used Thor and Nia.” She backtracks.
“Oh.” His shoulders slump in the slightest.
“It gets sort of intense so I well, I don’t want you to read the characters as them.” She concludes.
For moment it is silent, Loki leans into the bond to know what her feelings are, he isn’t surprised to know that she is keeping up a charade.
“Could I use your laptop to check my email?” Loki looks at her.
Y/N nods, “It’s upstairs.”
“I’ll be right back.” He paces through the hall and is near the middle of the staircase,
“I thought it had no charge?” Loki smirks and bounds upwards when realisation dawns across Y/N’s face.
“Loki!” She bellows, getting up to follow him half limping, “Don’t you dare!”
“Your date of birth is the password, I’d hoped for better security.” Loki calls out mirth lacing his voice.
“Loki please.” Y/N tries again, before entering the room, he can’t read the story.
“‘His green eyes captivated her own, every time they met. As though invisible strings pushing them towards each other.’ ” Loki reads out, admiring the warm pink tinge taking over his Y/N’s cheeks.
“Loki—,”
“‘Opposite sides of the coffee shop, a black coffee for him a hazelnut latte for her. Sometimes her eyes would trace his frame, she would make up stories about him as he would read through the papers in his hands, the red ink pen moving rhythmically to his thoughts as he reads the words unknown to her. She smiles to herself as she observes his eyes aglow, he scribbles something across the page, something positive. The negative scribbling was harsher and his green eyes harboured a look of disdain accompanied by the furrow of his brow.’ ” Loki pauses, she noticed this about him?
“Just it is not done—,” Y/N reaches for the laptop, Loki shifts it away, she loses her balance.
Loki’s arm wraps around her waist, he knows the movement should knock a human down so he strategises.
They fall with a small thud onto her bed, her laptop safe as well.
Y/N looks at him, they lay sideways. Her eyes flicker to his lips, he licks them, her scent begins a crescendo into his senses.
He’d held off feeding for tomorrow, her heartbeats loudly, demanding his attention.
Y/N finds Loki tightening his grip upon her ever so slightly and pulling her closer.
She leans in, her eyes meeting his, asking is this okay?
Loki swallows, she’d seen him beyond moments spent together, beyond the times he kept his wall up.
The memory of their almost first kiss enters his mind.
Loki leans in as well, when their lips brush a shiver run up Y/N’s spine, Loki’s palm follows the direction the shiver. Warmth blooms over her skin at the movement.
Their lips meet, eyes closed, the stars shine bright around them.
Y/N cups Loki’s cheek as he deepens the kiss. The warmth from her palm etching itself upon his skin.
The taste of honey, mint intermingle with a sweetness so pure.
Y/N shivers again when his tongue sweeps along her bottom lip. Her lips part, a soft sound making past as his body moulds against hers.
The sound reverberates through Loki, he nips at her bottom lip, drawing out the sound again, a low growl rumbles from his chest, his grip tightens upon her.
Mine, mine, mine. The bond chants for him.
Y/N’s fingers tangle in his hair, the stars seem so pleased at the closeness. She’s wanted to be able to do this since so long. She whimpers audibly as his lips kiss along her jaw, trace over her neck, his nose brushes over her skin.
Why does he feel slightly colder than her but the heat that is searing by his actions has her wanton.
“Loki.” A breathless whisper, prayer even.
He hums against the sweet-spot found upon her neck, her grip on him tightens in response.
“You’ve bewitched me.” He admits, meeting her gaze, “I wish, I did not have to leave.”
The mirage breaks, of course, Y/N thinks.
How could this be any more than a fickle fantasy?
“Stay?” She pleads.
Loki closes his eyes, “Y/N.”
“Loki.” The plea with his name etches itself onto his un-beating heart.
Before he opens his eyes her lips meet with his again.
She would take any memento he would leave in her name.
Fourteen Months Ago.
The class next day of their kiss was cancelled. So was the next one. Culminating to a week of radio silence from Loki.
‘Hey, I hope you’re okay.’
‘Loki could we meet?’
‘Loki, please respond as soon as you have a moment.’
‘Thor says you’ve gone on a personal leave… Is everything alright?’
‘Is this because of what happened?’
Y/N stares at the phone, locking it with a huff. None of her messages answered. Did she cause a boundary issue?
Resting her head on her palms. It was stupid, stupid to have thought that anything could happen between her professor and her.
Nia spots her glum best friend in the corner booth.
“Heard you got the day off again.” Nia slides in, Y/N raises her head slightly then just rests it back down in defeat.
“Come on there will be other professors to admire, that Doctor Strange guy from the hospital seemed handsome.”
“He’s the director of the Physiotherapy Department aka my masters course director.”
“Well you do like authoritative figures.” Nia teases.
“Nia.” Y/N groans.
“Look, you kissed he chickened out no big deal. If he cannot respect you he shouldn’t attempt to be with you.” Nia shrugs nonchalantly, if they weren’t soulmates the heartbreak is more tolerable for Y/N.
“Its just so, frustrating? One minute he gets all close and caring and affectionate and then he just closes off. Never speaks of his family, I understand its difficult but, and then the whole coming home to teach? Then the kiss?” Y/N takes a sip of the abandoned coffee grimacing at the taste.
Nia’s phone chimes,
‘Hey, Loki is back therefore I will not be able to join you for dinner. I’m so sorry, I’ll visit later tonight.’ Thor’s text reads.
‘I will be asleep.’ She types back.
‘I know how to wake you up. ;)’
She blushes looking back up at Y/N, who is still in despair.
“Okay how about a girls night? Bowling and then arcade games?” Nia offers.
“That does sound good.”
“Settled then. Tonight at six.” Nia declares grinning and shooting a text to Thor about their plans.
Nia knew they were plotting against Alexander Pierce. If it were upto her she would just stake the man, vampire, monster. The stories Thor told her about what he went through played on her mind for days after.
Their conversion was horrific the abuse that a vampire named Brock Rumlow inflicted upon them had Nia wishing death upon the vampire.
Thor’s voice echoes in her mind, “There are all kinds of deviants that are created when the conversion happens, Rumlow is the worst kind, he has no extra powers but his actions and abuse…”
Despite his strength Thor had shivered at the memory, Brock’s hands everywhere, unyielding, bruises that would be healed by the conversion but his unsolicited non-consented touch. It had been torture to have those carry forwarded into immortality.
Nia sighs, lips pursed.
She feels bad for Y/N but if Loki is just messing around before finding his soulmate, she does not want her best friend to be a pass time for a vampire.
— — — —
The day is off for Y/N, she’s losing at bowling against Nia, she never loses.
Nia is winning despite throwing five gutter balls.
“You’re really off of your game today.” A voice comments from behind them as the two women wait for the pins to reset.
Y/N turns at the familiarity, “Bucky!”
“Y/N!” James Barnes greets happily, “How is the leg of the poetess?” He walks closer smiling widely.
“Eh, getting better, this boot is annoying though.” Y/N and James look down at the said item.
“Is it as bad as the boot makes it look?” His eyebrows furrow with worry.
Nia looks between them a grin spreading on her face.
“Oh no, the boot’s the worse aspect of it.” She brushes it off, Nia’s shift catches her eye.
“Oh um, Nia this is Bucky—James, and Bucky this is my best friend Nia.” Y/N introduces, James puts his hand forward Nia takes it.
“Why the two names?” Nia looks up at him and James feels he is being analysed.
“I prefer my friends calling me Bucky.” He answers, “You’re the to be kick ass lawyer?” He places a knowing guess.
“Yes. I am.” Nia grins at him.
“Y/N here, sings praises of you.” James chuckles, as they let their hands fall back to the side.
“Oh I’m hardly that great. Yet.” She brushes off.
“I heard you made the mock judge and jury cry. That is hardly not great.” James looks at Y/N.
“Haven’t seen you in two weeks, poetess.”
“Yeah I was,” she points to her boot.
“Still offended you didn’t let me come over.” He pouts.
“Bucky—,” She exasperates.
He raises his hands in defence, “I know, I know.”
Nia raises an eyebrow.
“He does extra classes and teaches at night school.” Y/N explains, smiling with adoration at Bucky.
“Just try to help out and stay on top of things.” He shrugs, a pink tinge on his cheeks.
“That is really amazing.” An idea pops up into Nia’s head, “James are you here alone?”
“Oh un yeah, my friends kind of gave me the last minute boot I was leaving then I spotted Y/N sitting, thought I’d say hi.” He explains.
“Would you like to join us? We were heading for dinner anyways…” Nia prompts and Y/N raises an eyebrow.
‘What are you doing?’ She mouths to Nia.
Nia ignores her waiting for James’ reply.
“I wouldn’t want to intrude.” he looks from
Nia to Y/N.
“You won’t be intruding.” Y/N shakes her head, he smiles.
“Then okay, alright. Where are we headed?” James offers his arm to Y/N.
She takes it frowning to herself when it feels as though the stars that were familiar to her slide away into a dullness as though blurred.
The trio find themselves outside the nearby diner, Nia up to no good decides it is as a good time as any to execute her plan.
“Oh shoot.” Nia groans, “I completely forgot about this,” She scrolls across her phone as James and Y/N stop to turn.
“Is everything alright?” She looks over Nia’s nervous form.
“No I, theres this assignment I was supposed to meet my group for, it slipped my mind.” Nia looks apologetic.
“Oh no thats too bad… We can do this another time if you need to leave.” Bucky says sullen.
“Oh no no, you guys carry on without me.” Nia pushes.
“You sure?” Y/N looks at her worried.
“Yes definitely.” Nia smiles brightly.
Y/N’s eyebrows furrow.
“I’ll have her back home safe.” James promises, Nia turns to smile at him.
“I’m positive you will, well have the blueberry cheesecake for me.” Nia saunters off to her car. Quickly shooting a text off to Thor about her playing cupid.
Bucky looks down at Y/N, she meets his azure gaze.
“She set us up didn’t she?” He questions, a half smile on his face.
“I think she did.” Y/N lets out a chuckle.
“Are you okay with the set up?” His eyes hold hopefulness.
“I am, I also have Nia’s card so dinner is on her.” Y/N giggles and Bucky joins in with his laugh.
“Well I will be sure to get her a thank you card.” Bucky tells her as they settle into the booth.
“She would like that.” Y/N smiles at him.
The waitress approaches them with menus and begins to recount the specials.
— —- —-
On the other side of town, Thor stares at his phone at Nia’s latest act as cupid.
“Oh brother.” His tone sullen.
“What?” Loki pipes up from the hall, tucking away the plan sheets into a folder.
Zemo having left about half an hour ago. He could go to meet Y/N now.
“No-nothing.” Thor tucks his phone into his pocket.
“Brother you have that expression, akin to when you watched Marley and Me with your mate.”
“That was a saddening film.” Thor stands by his defence.
“It was but what has gotten you seemingly akin to that?” Loki is in front of his brother in a flash.
“You will just pry it out of me,” The elder sibling unlocks his phone handing it to Loki.
Loki stares at the picture of his student James Barnes standing too close to Y/N, their arms linked and gazing at each other.
Underneath read the message Nia left for Thor.
‘Your brother really doesn’t know what he has lost but in a way it is good, because if she isn’t his soulmate then I don’t want her heart to break when he does find his actual mate.’
Loki finds his chest constrict, he tries searching for the bond which is now seemingly a dull hum in the background.
“I—, why?”
“Nia says she was distraught that you weren’t in contact.” Thor explains.
“I was gone for work, I made sure the class was informed.” Loki can’t get the image of their hands linked out of his vision.
“Yes but, given what transpired between the two of you… I believe a personal approach would have faired in your favour.” He offers.
“I need to seek her.” Loki vocalises his determination.
“I’ll ask Nia where they are…” Thor raises his phone to call his mate.
Therefore, Loki finds himself in the diner in a booth away from them but his hearing picking up the conversation.
It is easy to slip in and out of sight amongst humans. Part of being designed to be amongst them to hunt them was to blend in with the being that he was once.
James and Y/N are halfway done with their meals, her laughter draws a smile upon Loki’s own lips, he knows James is grinning widely.
“So wait, wait, wait, you changed your date of birth and they let you into the theatre?” James says in awe.
“Yes well I turned the number around so my birth-year remained the same but month changed. Effectively turning me eighteen.” Y/N laughs.
“Did the guard question you?” James takes a bite of the cheesecake they were sharing.
“Okay so don’t laugh alright?” Y/N closes her eyes as the embarrassment takes over.
James begins to laugh at the notion.
“Bucky!” She shoves at his arm playfully.
“Okay, okay, poetess, no laughing.” Bucky runs a hand in front of his face as his joyful expression turns serious.
Loki moves his palm from the edge to the wooden table, not caring for the indents.
“Alright it so happened that the date and month I switched to were the very same date Nia and I were there so the guard goes Happy Birthday!” Y/N covers her eyes, “And I go um what?”
Bucky lets a laugh slip, “Sorry.” He shoves a piece of cake in his mouth to keep quiet, she laughs before continuing.
Loki watches her demeanour so carefree, free-spirited.
“So then the guard says, ‘it is your birthday… is it not?’ Then Nia responds that, ‘why yes indeed we are celebrating that only.’ Then she looks at us for a solid minute, both of us are scared because we aren’t eighteen and trying to sneak into an R rated movie.” She pauses, Bucky has his eyes wide.
“You’re taking a dramatic pause now? Oh god, Y/N come on!” Bucky demands expectantly.
Loki knows this story, he heard it but not with this much enthusiasm from her. Though he was not as open and responsive as James currently.
“Okay, okay, so then she hands my ID card back and says ‘enjoy your birthday!’ And we never shuffled away faster than that day to the confectionery stand.” Y/N completes taking the last bite of the cheesecake.
Bucky laughs with mirth, “That really makes me feel as though I thought wrong about you.” He admits with a sheepish grin.
“Care to elaborate Mr. Barnes?” She rests her head on her palm looking up at him curiously.
“Well we met in creative writing correct? The way you write, so effortlessly layered and your pieces honestly blow me away. I always thought you’ve grasped at love and it ended heartbreakingly. Pegged you for an introvert. Not that it is a bad thing at all.” He bites his bottom lip.
“I, I don’t know what to say… Your work is phenomenal.” She admits.
Loki wants to snort, it is mediocre at best. Her work far surpasses the class.
“Thank you.” She says, her throat tightening with emotion.
“Have you?” Bucky questions, the air around them turns heavier.
“No, um it mostly stems from my parents… Not the best marriage.”
“I’m sorry.” He places a hand upon hers.
The stars dull a little more for Loki as he entertains the possibility of losing her.
“I um.” Bucky reaches over to her, his thumb brushing at the corner of her lips, “Bit of cheesecake.” He brings the remnant to his own lips. The gesture reddens her cheeks as she is unable to take her eyes away.
“I hope you know this is not counted as our first date.” He says, lightening the air not wanting to seem to forward.
“Why not?” Curiosity laces her voice.
Bucky smiles, “First off all, I didn’t get you flowers, secondly I’d take you to a bookstore. We would give each other a genre each, find a book for one another and then go on a coffee date, meet up for our second date to discuss the books.” He grins.
“I—How do you know that would be something I’d enjoy?” Y/N’s jaw dropped, that had been an intimate thought as she had trailed her hands over the spines of books when the entire class was at the local bookstore purchasing or borrowing the books entailed Loki’s syllabus.
Her heart beats faster at the thought of her Professor, Bucky is excellent company but this past week she had missed Loki deeply.
“Call it intuition.” Bucky answers smug.
“Spot on, honestly.” Y/N lets out a long exhale.
Bucky only smiles at her.
Loki wonders if she would fall for James rather than him. He decides then to run into them in passing.
Bucky gets up first after they pay with Nia’s card all the while laughing. He keeps a strong grip on Y/N not letting her take too much weight on her foot.
“Do you have to take any meds?” He asks as they reach his car. He opens the passenger side for her.
Y/N spots a familiar Mercedes, the one that stayed parked outside her home.
“Y/N?” Bucky follows her transfixed gaze, then Loki walks past them a take away bag in hand.
“Oh look he’s back in town, class probably will happen next week.” Bucky comments and Loki turns, her breath catches, as though drinking water after traversing the hottest of deserts.
Loki’s green eyes move over her. The world begins to blur out of view again. It feels as though he can breath again. Feel again.
James’ palm against her cheek breaks the mirage.
“Hey you okay?” He inquires.
“Yeah um my pain meds are due, I think I feel an ache.” For Loki she wants to say, but reserves her words.
Loki tries prying into James’ mind,
“Hey Professor!” James waves thwarting the attempt.
“Hello Mister Barnes, Miss Y/L/N. I see you’re up and about.” He walks towards them, the stars step forward.
“Yes um, received clearance.” Y/N answers, clearing her throat.
Bucky’s hold on her waist tightens, Loki’s eyes catch the movement.
Equal defiance ridden green eyes meet blue.
Y/N notes the change in the air, shivering as it drops several degrees.
Loki tilts his head, as though observing an event unfold.
“I believe Mister Barnes you should get Y/N home, I’ve emailed an assignment for next week. I believe getting a head start is beneficial.” The professor turns leaving the two students getting into the vehicle.
Loki watches them exit the parking lot.
“Don’t you think he’s a little weird?” Bucky wonders as they drive toward Y/N’s home.
“He’s something.” She mutters.
Bucky walks her to her door, he stands with his hands in his pockets as she turns in her doorway.
Y/N leans on the door for support.
“I had fun today, thank you.” She smiles at him.
“I did too, but I’m holding out for our actual first date.” He gives her a smug grin making her smile.
“We’ll see about that.”
“Oh that means definitely.” He teases.
“Maybe.” Y/N blushes, as his eye gleam with happiness.
“i’ll see you in class, Poetess.” Bucky waves goodbye, she watches him back out of the driveway, then closes the door.
She’s at the halfway mark on the steps when the doorbell rings incessantly.
“Did I forget something in your car—,” Y/N’s words catch once more.
Loki stands gaze intensely trained upon her features.
“What are you doing here?” Y/N manages to speak, finding her voice.
“I’ve come to speak with you. I seemed to have left without regard.” He says with purpose, watching her reaction.
“So you want to talk after you see me on a date with someone else?” Y/N raises an eyebrow.
“No, I, I happened to be there, I was out of town.” Loki sighs, knowing this is going to be a difficult conversation.
“Without your phone?”
“I was busy.”
“Kept in touch with your brother though.”
“The matter concerned him, I didn’t have time for other things I don’t mean to call you a—,”
“I’m not someone, who you play with then toss away when you’re bored, Professor.” Y/N seethes half a mind to shut the door in his face.
“Y/N, I did not mean to imply—,”
“Your ego was bruised seeing me with Bucky. You were, I don’t know looking for something to while away your time. I can understand that maybe it was curiosity that prompted you to kiss me but, fuck, ignoring me then implying that I’m not important—,”
Loki steps inside, cutting off Y/N’s rant.
“I know I haven’t been the best at conveying my emotions, be it opening up about my family or wholeheartedly laughing at your humour at tales, or articulate how your wit, writing, how you take my breath away.”
Y/N stares at him.
“I am closed off for reasons I cannot express, but I’m at your doorstep well in your house, promising that I can and will communicate better. Just, allow me, the chance, Y/N, please.” His heart breaks at how small he might sound, he willed never to be vulnerable, half of him wanted to dive into her mind to know but the other half of him willingly held back.
Y/N’s eyes usually gave everything away, today Loki could not read a minuscule of them.
“I, I need, time.” She flounders for the answer a more definitive time but comes up short.
Loki wonders if this is how she felt, unknown of what hangs above them for them as a pair. Did a week truly make this vast difference?
He nods, mouth setting into a thin line.
“Take as much of time as you may need.” He murmurs, walking to the ajar door.
“Loki?”
He turns, she sounds hurt, his chest feels hollow blaming himself.
He doesn’t say anything allowing her to continue standing at the threshold of the home.
“Did, was I on your mind at all?” Y/N knows it is a silly question but she wanted to know if he even thought of her.
The sincerity in Loki’s next words brought the stars crashing down upon her, the bond glowed brightly in promise, Loki could feel as though a bright molten silver could run through his veins. As though the brightest moonlit night descended upon the two of them,
“The entire week the thought of coming back to you got me through.”
-x-x-x-x-
A.N.: let me know what you think pleaseeee, literally finished writing and proof reading before posting!
Notes: And so we begin with my attempt at replacing the ficlets I deleted from this collection! I’m going to try to post one a week, but there’s a lot going on, so I’m not going to beat myself up if I can’t get to it.
Hypocrisy
Finally! After an entire morning’s worth of needling and squirming and pouting, you found yourself in the open corridors of Asgard’s royal palace. Being a young woman—the only daughter of Odin’s Captain of the Guard at that—meant that you typically didn’t have many options for adventure whenever your father chose to drag you up there for some “society,” and that day’s meeting had been less adventure than most. Now that you were free of his and Odin’s watchful eyes, you intended to find yourself some fun, and you knew just who to look for to find that.
“Loki!”
Or perhaps that person would find you first. The enraged voice you caused you to jump about a foot in the air in fright.
A clatter of footsteps followed this cry. Louder they grew, and louder and louder, until a boy around your own age rounded the distant corner. You recognized him at once by the mischievous grin on his face. He in turn must have recognized you, for he picked up his pace the moment he spotted you.
“Loki?” you asked, but could not question Odin’s youngest son further before he darted behind you.
“Perfect timing as always, [Name],” he said.
“Perfect timing for what?”
“Loki, I am going to kill you!” the same voice from shouted. “And then I’m going to tell Mother!”
A strange noise issued from behind you. Turning, you found Loki stifling his laughter with his own palm. His green eyes twinkled with mirth. Thor continued stomping up the hall and opening (and slamming shut) every door on the way, and that only seemed to amuse Loki all the more.
“What did you do?” you asked. Your tone smacked the smile right off his face.
“Nothing!”
“It doesn’t sound like nothing.”
“All right, nothing important. Nothing Thor should be so worked up over, anyway. It was only a prank.”
“I thought the Allfather told you to stop pulling pranks on your brother,” you said with your hands on your hips.
Loki rolled his eyes. “What does he know? Thor’s got to learn to take a joke.”
“It’s not a joke if your prank is mean.”
“No one got bit this time! What’s the problem?”
“The problem is that you’re being—”
“There you are!”
Thor had found Loki at last. At least, you thought it was Thor. The red-faced boy headed right for you looked familiar, only he had bright blue hair with eyebrows to match. Your attempt at a swift greeting curtsy went ignored. Only Loki could capture Thor’s interest at the moment.
“Turn it back!” Thor shouted.
Loki didn’t flinch. “No.”
“If you don’t, I'll—”
“Make me? How? Get Sif to hold me down so you can punch me?”
Instead of thinking of a better way to finish his threat, Thor—still looking utterly ridiculous with his blue hair—lunged at his brother with a wordless cry of anger. Loki ducking behind you deterred Thor not at all. The two boys, one snarling, the other snickering, circled you. Around and around they went until you grew dizzy enough to shove the nearest person out of the endless whirlwind.
Unfortunately, that person turned out to be Thor. More unfortunately still, your shoving him was enough for you to end up at the wrong end of his wrath yourself.
“You're helping him!” Thor snapped incredulously.
“What?” You shook your head. “No, I—”
“I should have guessed you were in on this, [Name].”
“Wait. I had nothing to—”
“You're always helping him pick on me!”
“I never—”
“If that’s how you want things to be, fine. I’ll tell your dad, too. When he hears about this—”
A sudden peal of laughter from Loki interrupted Thor’s tirade. Disconcerted, Thor paused, but it didn’t take long for him to open his mouth to continue lecturing you. He took a deep breath, then found himself unable to speak over your laughter.
“What?” he demanded, looking between you and Loki as the two of you doubled over gasping for breath. “What are you laughing at? What’s so funny?”
“Maybe—maybe you should check a mirror,” Loki managed to choke out.
Thor’s eyes narrowed, but clearly his suspicions were great enough to convince him to follow Loki’s advice and leave you both unattended. It did not take long for him to find a reflective surface in the lush corridor. He took one look, then gasped. For good reason, too: Above his quivering lips now sat a magnificent mustache the exact same color as the rest of his hair.
“Mother!” Thor bawled before rushing back out of sight once more.
They were too much, his hysterics. Together you and Loki melted into a guffawing puddle right there on the palace floor. Only several minutes later did either of you recover to rise, hiccuping, into a seated position.
Loki shot you a knowing look as you wiped the tears from your eyes. “I thought you said I wasn’t to prank Thor anymore,” he said.
You sat up as straight as you could and said in your most prim of voices, “Thor has to learn to take a joke.”
This very nearly sent the two of you to the floor again. Struggling to contain himself, Loki instead hopped to his feet and offered you a hand to follow suit. You allowed him to pull you up. Each of you shot the other enormous grins at the exact same time. Then you both wordlessly raced up the hall side by side. Thor would be back soon, almost certainly with backup. Until then, there remained plenty of fun for you and your friend to go looking for.
Loki had always been a bit different–a bit more magic than muscle, a bit more tricky than truthful, a bit more bitter than sweet. But for all your years in his company, you never imagined you’d have to see his face through the wall of a prison cell.
“So they decided to send you to break me. I should have known,” Loki breathed, his grin as fragile as glass.
You weren’t sure how long he had known you were there. Perhaps the entire time, as silent as you had been trying to remain. As his green eyes caught the little light that filtered into his cell, you stepped forward.
“Break you?” you asked. “Why would they ask me to break you?”
“Oh, I think you know.”
You shook your head, your fingers fluttering out to brush against the surface of his cell wall. “What happened to you?”
“What happened to me? What happened to me? What happened to you?”
“Getting Thor exiled,” you said without answering him. “Trying to kill him and our friends. Destroying the Frost Giants. Murdering hundreds of innocent Midgardians.” You lifted your gaze to meet his. “You’ve changed.”
That got his ire. Loki strode forward. “I have not changed!” His shout was so loud that you stumbled backward. Though he couldn’t get himself any closer to you, Loki clenched his hands into fists and grimaced down at you. “I have simply learned what I truly am!”
“A Frost Giant?” you said calmly, getting to your feet and gathering your skirts around you along with your wits. “Thor told me. Loki, you cannot believe–”
“They told you!“ He barked out a wild laugh. “Of course they did! You’re Thor’s little lapdog now, aren’t you?”
“Loki, you are speaking madness. I would never–”
“Don’t deny it! You helped them. You helped them all. And you would send me back to exile as soon as you could to be rid of me. Just like my damned family!”
“What are you saying? Thor loves you! He–He adores you. And Odin–”
“All of it was lies, wasn’t it, [Name]?” His voice dropped to regular volume and his smile returned to something close to normal as he stepped backward and away from you. “The truth comes out. Everything we shared, it was all a lie so you could watch me, spy on me for my family.”
“What?” Hurt colored your tone.“ No. Loki–Loki, I–”
“Don’t say it.” He held up a hand. “I don’t want to hear that you love me. Not anymore. You lied to me, just like everyone else.”
You pressed a hand to your heart and moved forward again. “Loki–”
He whirled around. “Get out of my sight! I never want to see you again!”
A shaky breath escaped your lips, but:
“If that is what you wish, your Highness.”
All he did was watch you as you bowed and left the room.
Welp, guess I am going to make this a three parter. The third part will be the last part, I swear!
Summary: You didn’t really like Loki, but you lost your memories and Loki takes advantage of the situation by pretending to be your boyfriend. What could go wrong?
Warnings: Some smut if you squint. Also didn’t proof read this cuz I’m le tired. Sorry.
Words: ~ 3k
Part one on my master list.
You furrowed your brows at the man in front of you, who apparently was named Loki and was your boyfriend. None of this looked familiar, but something about him being so close to you felt…weird, but also right. You believed every word he said. Loki, or so he calls himself, was rubbing his thumb over your hand and you were thankful that you weren’t here in this hospital bed alone.
“I’m sorry that I don’t remember you.” You continued to look down at your joined hands and you genuinely did feel bad. How horrible must it be for him for his lover to forget who he was? You said so out loud and he gave your hand a gentle squeeze.
“It’s okay, Darling. I am not upset. I am just glad you are okay.” His eyes were glassy, and he looked at you. The love and affection were apparent in his eyes, and you felt obligated to give him a little smile.
“How long have we been together?” It was an innocent question, but Loki seemed thrown off by it. Thankfully, the God of Mischief was good at thinking on his feet.
“It’s relatively new,” He cleared his throat awkwardly, “but we are very happy.” He looked so stiff, but you just assumed it was because his girlfriend forgot who he was and the stress of that.
You laughed and that seemed to perk him up a bit, “I will take your word on it.”
Summary: things get a tad awkward with Loki but you actively avoid it as things go south with Matt
Part 5-
====================================
You felt his lips on your neck as his hands roamed, cupping your beasts as he kissed you passionately. “I need you y/n.” He whispered as his lips traveled down your neck to your chest. You arched your back as you felt your knees being spread apart. “So needy love. I’ll give you what you want.” You heard him whisper as he lowered his head between your thighs.
Summary: You train with Natasha, and you find out something new about yourself. Loki’s protectiveness gets a bit…much and frankly, it pisses you off.
Warnings: Swearing. Smut 18+
Words: ~3800
Other chapters on my master list.
Never in all the years of your life, did you think you would be in a training room with none other than Black Widow. The training room in the Avenger’s Tower was empty, outside of you, Natasha, and Loki who brooded in the corner, keeping a watchful eye on you. You had to give Natasha credit, not only was she deadly, but she was an amazing teacher. There were whispers amongst the team about her brutality during her training sessions, but today with you, you saw someone who was patient, and efficient in her teaching techniques.
But she was also relentless. With each failure, she would tell you to get back up and try again. Your body was still frail from the torture and starvation you endured, and you could feel the weakness in your bones midway through your training session. There was one defense move you were trying to get down, but you just weren’t getting it. The bear hug defense move. Everything she was teaching you was very basic, but you were struggling, and it was frustrating you beyond belief. Every time you tried to escape the petite assassin’s grasp, it reminded you of how weak you were. How helpless you felt in your cell.
Tears started to well in your eyes as your heart hammered in your chest, giving way to a tidal wave of anxiety. Before the first pathetic hiccup left your lips, Loki was already up and making his way across the room to you.
“That is enough, Romanoff. She’s done for the day.” He growled. He hated seeing you upset, and he was already struggling containing himself. Every time he saw you crash on the mat or struggle against Natasha’s hold had his blood boiling. Frankly, he didn’t even want you there. It was his job to protect you. If you had him, what else did you need? Yet, he remembered what Tony had said. That there would be times he wouldn’t be around to protect you due to his ‘obligations’ to the Avengers, just to stay out of Asgardian prison. The fact that his choices, the mind control he endured led him down a path where he couldn’t be with you or protect you, made him hate himself even more.
“No, Loki. She’s fine.” Natasha had let go of you and turned you around to face her. Tears were brimming at the corner of your eyes, but thankfully they had yet to spill over. Though, that last thread of stubborn dignity was threatening to snap.
Summary: You were a goddess from the Greek pantheon and Loki’s former lover. Separated during the events of the first Thor movie and Loki’s initial supposed death, he learns you had given birth to his child during his time away. Initially disbelieving, his possessiveness for you finally brings him back to Midgard to take what is his. Story set somewhere after Thor: The Dark World, but before Avengers: Age of Ultron.
Notes: This started as just a prompt for Father’s Day back in June, and is more a “What If?” type spinoff from my main Loki x Goddess!Reader series still in progress. If you like the pairing though, you can check out more of that AU on my masterlist below. The daughter in this also remains unnamed as just like the reader, they’re yours to fill in the gaps how you will.
Warnings: Angst, self hatred, grief, but also eventual fluff/comfort.
The first time Loki had ever heard of the child’s existence, it had been from Thor. Clumsily blurted out, really only moments after the thunder god had just snatched Loki by the throat, pulling them both from the sky.
They’d plummeted from the humans’ aircraft to then argue on some rocky cliff face in the middle of the night. Just another instance in a long line of disagreements between them to be sure, but on that night it had all been about Loki’s right to rule Midgard through the aid of the Chitauri.
The god of mischief had laughed in his brother’s face as well, honestly laughed at the sheer absurdity and the perceived desperation he thought the Asgardians must now have to stop him. The lows and the lies they would stoop to just to try and delay or distract him from his goals.
Yet Thor had insisted it was real, that you hadn’t known you were with child. And that by the time you had known, it’d been too late. The bifrost had been destroyed, and Loki lost along with it as far as anyone had believed.
But Loki’s mind had still been clouded then as well, unable to see the obvious truth in Thor’s anger. The scepter, the tesseract…and Thanos, it had all trapped him, amplified the worst in him. And everything, all of it had soon spun into further nightmare.
Because only such a short time later, he’d found himself defeated and alone in the dungeons directly beneath the very palace he’d once called home.
Alone except for Frigga and her visits. But even a mother’s love couldn’t save him then. She had told him again that it was fact. That you had had a child in the time he’d been gone, and Loki had still argued with her. He so clearly remembered the hurt in her eyes as well as he’d asked her why she would even care about such a bastard creature even if it were all true.
Shamefully, that disgust had been his first real reaction as he’d finally started to believe her. Because he’d carried all that self hatred, the wound still so fresh of learning that he was never a part of the family he’d been raised by. And to him, it’d been a legitimate question then. Why should the queen of Asgard concern herself with a half frost giant, half Olympian and whatever crime against the natural order that could possibly be?
But in that calm way of hers, in that forgiving voice of hers which he now wished so often he could only hear one more time, Frigga had said, “I care because she is my grandchild, just as you are my son. As you always have been and always will be.”
And then she too was gone.
The days that followed after Frigga’s murder were also a blur, himself consumed back into that abyss of loss. He had lost his identity, his home, his freedom, and all semblances he’d ever known of love in quick succession.
But even if he hadn’t been imprisoned, even if time had allowed him to reconcile with you somewhere in between his suffering under Thanos’ Black Order and his quest for vengeance for Frigga, he would not have tried to find you.
Because he could not, for all the realms, imagine that you would still love him. You’d only fallen for a lie after all, a version of himself that had never truly existed. There had never been a Loki Odinson. He was only ever an unwanted runt. Laufey’s son, left on a frozen rock to die.
But in some sort of cosmic joke, he still drew breath then even as he still did now. After being cast out by the frost giants, then cast out from Asgard. After failing Thanos at the hands of the Avengers, after losing to the dark elves on Svartalfheim…it had been defeat after defeat.
Yet through it all he’d kept crawling back out from the ashes, clawing towards eventual glory, towards glorious purpose.
And after his second “death” on Svartalfheim, he could have fled back into the universe, to anywhere. But the sentiments and the memories he had so often mocked Thor for, had still held too strong for him as well in the end.
He’d gone back to Asgard instead, back to his once home, and to the ghosts of his past there. Odin was only old and tired, then further weakened by the loss of Frigga. So Loki had mercifully relieved the old liar of that pain, that burden of the throne.
He’d placed the strongest magic he could upon his former father. He’d given Odin a new, conflict free identity and left him on Midgard, out of the way and out of his story at last.
Yet after the brief elation of such a long deserved victory, Loki’s thoughts had eventually turned back to what else he’d wanted when there was nothing more in Asgard to take. When those days had stretched longer one after another, himself alone again even among the adoration and respect he’d always most wanted.
So often as a youth, that final pinnacle of the throne had come with you alongside it in his mind’s eye. And with that kingship at last in hand, buried emotions had begun to resurface for the goddess who had once claimed to love him.
He didn’t care anymore if you would only see him as a monster now. He’d wanted to win properly, fully. So he’d needed you back in Asgard. He’d wanted everything that was his. And if that now even included a bastard half breed of a child, then so be it.
With Thor away again, off fighting and trying to tame the realms back into submission, that is when Loki had decided to visit Midgard once more with his intentions for you in mind.
And like anything he did, he’d initially tried to be calculating. Once he’d found you, he’d wanted to know your new habits. The times you came and went, whether you were always alone or not. He’d wanted to have a plan.
He knew how to gather that information. Piecing together what little Thor and Frigga had already told him, the new name you went by, and then tricking a human public records servant to look up the rest on their electronic machines had been simple enough.
You now lived in a place called Pensacola, Florida. Right on the beach of course, to be expected for any offspring of Poseidon. You worked at some sort of hospital for sea creatures, taking the wounded, mending them, and releasing them back into the ocean. Also unsurprising, as you had always liked tending to broken things hadn’t you?
Though even then, the thought of you living and working alongside these petty humans had irked him. They did not deserve you. And in disguise of course, he’d passed your new home several times, walking back and forth on the sidewalk to see if this place should be considered worthy for a goddess, to see if you were there.
The dwelling the records had said you lived in was built high, but more like a one story home on stilts. The living area appeared to all be on the second story, with long wooden stairs leading up to it. He’d seen many structures built that way as he’d walked though, supposing it was for storms. If the sea were to angrily rise, the water could run beneath to spare damage to the main quarters.
Yet that was laughable as well for a woman who could control the tides on a whim. And he’d just been thinking if he should inspect the inside, when his stomach had abruptly tightened.
He’d heard your voice. A sound that had not met his ears since before Thor’s botched coronation and the ill fated battle at Jotunheim that followed. His head had whipped around to see you walking down the sidewalk toward him then. You were laughing, though not at him as you’d looked down at the small child whose hand you now held.
“So, today was macaroni day? That’s exciting.” You’d smiled. “And you colored too?”
The child had some piece of paper in their other hand, trying to hold it up to be seen.
“Is that Elsa? Or Anna?” You’d asked teasingly.
“Elsa!” The little girl had exclaimed.
His breath had hitched in his chest at the sight. He had wanted to see you of course, he’d come here expressly for this very reason. But he didn’t expect the sudden, unique pain. He didn’t expect at all how it would actually feel.
You were a goddess. His goddess. He knew you would look the very same as you always had, it’d only been a little over three years now that the two of you had been apart. The light and warmth of yours that he’d held in his arms so many nights before, of course that had not changed.
But seeing you together then, you with what he now knew as his own child. Happy, playful…suddenly all he’d wanted to do was leave and never return. Because he couldn’t ruin this. What right did he really have to even be here? The girl wouldn’t know who he was. And if she did see his face, wouldn’t it only frighten her? Was she yet old enough to have seen replayed footage of the battle of New York on those human machines?
In the end, wasn’t he only the horned devil who’d opened the portal to unleash those alien hordes onto the streets of her world before the Avengers had stopped him? A monster is all he was. Not even standing there on behalf of love in that moment, but of possessive pride and arrogance.
To his further surprise though, he’d also felt that foreign wetness starting in his eyes just as the two of you had walked right past him on the sidewalk. Humans were riding up and down on bicycles, walking their dogs. To you he was just anyone else as you’d only paused nearer the bottom of the stairs to your home. He’d seen you reaching into your pocket with your free hand, pulling out a set of keys before you’d picked the child up into your arms to carry her up the stairs.
And as you’d held her, her head was then positioned over your shoulder. She’d looked back towards the street just by chance. And for only a moment, he’d made eye contact with her.
He could see himself in her features, he could see you as well. Her human looking skin tone may only be an illusion, so much like his own. But it didn’t matter. He knew she was worth protecting instantaneously then as they’d briefly locked eyes. How could he have ever thought anything less?
By the time you’d gone inside and the door had clicked shut, he was glad though as he couldn’t stifle the sound that then left him as his face contorted.
He had truly been the worst kind of fool.
—————————
A few days later
It was late Friday night, which you were glad for as this week had seemed particularly long. At the wildlife center it’d just been one crisis after another. Pelicans swallowing fish hooks, turtles swallowing plastic, even a young dolphin that’d been struck by a boat propellor.
If more humans could see on a day to day basis the kind of damage their carelessness caused, you really did think they’d at least try to change their ways for the better. They weren’t all inherently cruel in your mind, just terribly short sighted. It took real work to make them see any larger picture.
But, at least some were trying. Your coworkers among them, who were also pleasantly shocked this month when your facility had received another generous grant from Stark Industries for new equipment. Your friends had tried to ask you several times what on Earth your connection to that man was. And you’d just had to smile and say Tony Stark must enjoy a good tax write off.
In reality it was more Thor who you owed for that initial connection. The thunder god did drop in from time to time to check on his “favorite” and as you often pointed out, only niece. Thor had insisted from the beginning that you and your daughter live somewhere safe. And with Asgardian riches meaning little on Midgard, he’d gone to his fellow Avenger Iron Man requesting favors for you in exchange for Thor’s work consistently done in protecting this realm.
To your surprise though, Tony had actually taken a very hands on approach. He’d met you personally several times even in the beginning, though he still insisted on calling you Ariel. Which only much later you fully understood the joke of with your daughter’s growing penchant for those musical cartoons.
But Tony had bought this house. And his girlfriend Pepper had found you that job and the best daycare. But their gifts you still didn’t take for free either. Their world was your home too. And when they needed your help to fight back any new threat, they also knew exactly where to find you. You were now in Nick Fury’s files just like all the others. And they had and would call on you when necessary.
“Mommy!”
You looked over, seeing her holding up that tablet, which now had a spinning icon where whatever video she was watching had been. “Baby, it’s late. It’s just buffering. But screen time should have been over half an hour ago anyway.”
You used to tell her that the internet ran out after a certain time of night, but she was getting a little too smart for that now as you just extended your hand. “Come on, give it up. Go brush your teeth.”
You’d like to think that the strong headedness you were starting to see in her was only from her father’s side. But in reality, you could only imagine how many times you’d given that same pouty look to your own father before she did finally relinquish her precious tablet.
You quickly plugged it in, purposefully out of reach on the kitchen island before you went to help her get ready for bed.
It took a while, as always of course. So much bargaining. Could she have just one more cup of water? No, she didn’t want to sleep with this toy, it had to be that toy that you hadn’t seen for a week. Then digging through her toybox to find it, then it was the ceiling fan needs to be on. No it’s blowing on me, it needs to be off.
Mommy, leave the door cracked. No, leave it shut. Mommy, can you put the sounds on? No, not the water sounds, the thunder! Mommy, you’re sure there’s nothing in the closet?
It was just amazing how quickly someone so small could become a master of stall tactics when they really wanted to be.
By the time you were sure that she was finally asleep, her sound machine then going with her bedroom door shut, you probably should have been asleep yourself. But there was also something to be said for getting a rare moment alone.
You’d changed out of your work clothes at last, now just in underwear and a long t-shirt as you went back to the kitchen. You’d left only the overhead stove light on. And with the beach house’s open floor plan, it was enough to cast a dim light into the living room as well as you’d grabbed a bottle of wine off the counter, considering the label.
One of your coworkers had recommended this brand to try. You’d planned to pour just a bit into a glass and then go turn on one of those streaming shows in the living room that they’d also told you about. It wouldn’t have been a terrible way to wind down the night.
You’d opened one of the kitchen cupboards to pull out said wine glass, but the cupboard doors had a glass face themselves. And just as you’d begun to shut it, that’s when you caught the silhouette of a man reflected in black behind you.
The wine glass shattered as you released it to the floor. Yourself then whirling your body around, with your metal spear materializing into your hands even as the figure in the seemingly tailored black suit caught the weapon just as quickly in his own overly strong grip.
The silver of your spear still glinted in the low fluorescent light. The intruder’s pale hand enclosed around the side of it, having just stopped the deadly tip from reaching his throat.
But he said nothing at first, those familiar blue eyes just meeting the widening, horrified expression in your own gaze as recognition took hold of you.
You had never fainted in your life that you could remember, but you’d never felt closer to it either than you did in that very moment. Because it could notbe.
“You must have been told that I was dead once more,” Loki finally broke the silence though, realizing your truly stunned reaction could mean nothing else.
And it did sound like a voice from beyond the grave. The god you had loved for so very long. But he’d left you. He’d thrown all of it away to chase madness, to chase power and vengeance. He’d left you alone with only the memory of him, mourning him all the while raising a girl who would never even know her own father.
He must have still seen that heavy disbelief in your eyes though as he spoke quietly again after a few more moments. “I’m no imposter if that’s what you’re thinking…” But he looked thoughtful for a moment before continuing. “It is me, my goddess. Not a ghost, not an illusion…not a nightmare. Your mind would be too strong for such games regardless. Our connection would be too intimate to fabricate…don’t you know your lover when you see him?”
The tone, the stance, it was perfect. That was true. But you were not so arrogant as to think there would be no being capable of deceiving you to this scale.
In your shock it was difficult to think of proper questions though, even as you tried, your voice sounding embarrassingly weak. “Then, when and where was the last time we were together? What did you promise me then?”
He did seem to consider for only a moment, but with an expression that changed little before he answered. “You think I would forget sneaking you back into my quarters on Asgard that night before Thor’s coronation? And how long we made love over and over as you tried to both console me from that event’s sheer insult as well as dissuade me from letting the frost giants into Odin’s vault to disrupt it?”
But there was a hint of a tragic kind of humor in his eyes as he only continued. “I promised you I was in control. That no one would get hurt…that it’d all be fine. The coronation would be delayed and it’d be something we could just laugh about when I next came back to Midgard for you…”
But you never had seen him after. You’d returned home, and the next you’d known all the Olympians were buzzing that there had been a coup in Asgard. You were not allowed back then. You’d never been back since.
It might be true that a powerful psychic could still pull those little details from you though. But what were the odds that any psychic creature that skilled would also be so equally adept at shape shifting? To perfect his body, his voice as well…no, somehow in your heart you knew this was not deception. Even if a trick may have hurt far less.
And as that equally amazing yet horrible realization continued to settle over you, you finally began to lower your spear with one hand. But simultaneously your other palm just met the side of his face before you could stop yourself, with a slap that echoed through the room almost as loud as his brother’s thunder.
And you could see that equally familiar little flare of anger and surprise in his eyes as he turned his face back to look at you after the hit. The redness and beginnings of a bruise already starting to form on his pale cheek from the sheer force of it.
But you did not strike him again. Your eyes were already blurring then as the first tears formed, and you could soon feel them edging out down the sides of your face. Emotion drawn from a well of sadness you had thought would one day run dry. But it never did. You lived of course, you smiled and laughed even after he had been gone. But the mourning did not ever really leave you.
It could be in the middle of the day, anywhere, doing anything when a thought of him would cross your mind and that pit would swallow you whole all over again. You’d had to process his death twice already. And what being in any realm, of any status, deserved to go through that more than once with the one that they truly loved?
But his eyes were still on you as you saw his brief anger fade to confusion, and then…was it actually something closer to regret?
Your spear just clattered to the floor alongside the broken glass as you felt Loki’s arms wrap abruptly around you. That same grip that had held you for more nights than you could now count.
“I should have come sooner…you did not deserve this.”He said then, his voice sounding odd at last as if he may now be struggling to keep it even himself.
“Youleftus,” You breathed harshly in return though, pulling back enough to look at him again with your now reddening eyes.
But you could see the sadness in his own face even more now, clearer then in a way that both only wounded and frustrated you further. It would have been easier honestly if you could make yourself hate him. If he could stand there just looking as arrogant and pompous as everyone else always thought that he was.
But here, right now as he held you in some insufficient attempt at comfort, he only looked near as broken as you.
And you couldn’t help it. Even though it made no sense, even though you should just be screaming at him, demanding explanations and apologies…you’d missed him so much. You had wanted him back so badly, more than you’d ever wanted anything else before.
And here he was. The Fates knowing more than you ever could as he escaped death once again. You moved forward before you even consciously decided to, and you were kissing him then through the tears. Your lips against his. And even after all that had happened, all that he had done, he still tasted just the same.
But he only pressed into it as well, just as hard, opening his mouth to taste you soon enough as if the two of you had never stopped.
There was a desperation more than you’d ever felt however. That sadness, anger, and hurt overflowing still even as you pushed him so his back was now against the kitchen island. You felt him widen the stance of his legs, letting you in between them as his hands moved roughly to your hips.
He hadn’t forgotten you. No, it was then that you knew that he’d never stopped wanting you either. But why then? Why did he let you think over and over that he was dead? Why did he put you through all of this!?
And as you finally broke the heated kiss to look at him again, both of you then a literal mess standing here in this modern mortal kitchen with shards of glass and your spear made by Hephaestus himself on the floor beneath you, you also knew that there would be no sleep had tonight.
You needed…no, you deservedanswers.
—————————
The broken glass had been cleaned up and your weapon put back away, all lights now turned off as you’d opened the blinds in the living room to let the moonlight in from off the beach instead.
You felt like your hands might be trying to shake slightly though, and after another moment’s thought you opened one of the windows slightly as well. That salt smell and cool sea air drifting in with the sound of the waves. It was a comfort and added bit of strength you felt you needed then as you rounded back to the couch.
And Loki just sat there waiting for you in the dark. Maddeningly elegant looking again in the moonlight, one leg crossed over the other and his eyes never leaving you.
You sat down on the couch with him as well, but with a little distance still. You felt like you hadn’t let out all of your pent up anger yet. But you knew that wouldn’t get you anywhere either.
“So how long have you been watching us?” Is what you finally asked. Knowing full well that him finally revealing himself to you again wouldn’t have been a spur of the moment decision on his part. To sneak in here so easily, he had to have learned the surroundings some time before now.
“Not long. Only this week,” He answered plainly though.
“Why?” You responded a little tersely, but not looking back at him. You felt the more you would look at him, the more your memories returned and the less objective you could be.
“I needed to see you.” He just gave another short answer.
“But you didn’t before?” You countered, knowing how long it’d already been since the convergence and everything Thor had said Loki had given his life for on Svartalfheim. Where had the god of mischief really been since then? What had he been doing?
He gave a kind of half sigh, and you felt him shift on the couch. “I didn’t come here to antagonize you. I swear to that. But I had to deal with Odin first before I could move forward with anything else in my life. And now that is finally done.”
“What?” You did look reflexively back to him at the mention of the Allfather and all the additional dire implications that could possibly mean. You knew Loki too well to think for a moment that anything between he and Odin right now could possibly have a peaceful ending. But he didn’t respond back right away, only frustrating you further. “Loki…if you’re still keeping secrets, this isn’t…it’s not going to work.”
Your feelings were already too raw, you couldn’t handle those old games right now.
But you only saw an odd look come into his eyes, it wasn’t sly or condescending by any means. Closer to a flicker of more desperation if anything before he spoke to you again.
“If I trust you, then you have to do the same in return. Of course I can tell you everything that’s happened since I escaped death on Svartalfheim. But I’m not ready to deal with my brother’s judgements just yet about my dealings with Odin. This must stay between us for now.”
Yet you still stiffened, aware of everything Thor had already done for you in Loki’s absence. And knowing that the only real confidants you had left in the mortal realm were now in the Avengers. Letting yourself become beholden to Loki once more, jeopardizing the life you’d made for you and your daughter here….it was a lot to ask. “You’ve got a lot of nerve giving me stipulations on anything right now, you understand that right?”
He smirked just a little, the first hint of one you’d seen since his arrival. But it still looked all too regretful. “Take the truth…I’ll tell it. That’s all I can offer you. Then whatever you feel -or don’t- for me afterward, I can do nothing but accept it. But I want you to show me the truth as well. I want to see the time I’ve missed. I want to know what I’ve cost us.” He continued quietly though, as you felt his hand graze yours as you held onto the couch. You hadn’t sat far enough away after all.
You knew what he was really asking for then. He wanted to take the shortcut of looking directly into your memories, which he could only do through physical touch. But all your emotion, all the pain, everything would be there, hot and searing as if it was happening again in real time.
But he needed to feel it too didn’t he? You did want him to, even as much as you knew you weren’t ready to relive any of it yourself. No, you couldn’t overthink this, or else you might lose your nerve as you answered. “Then get it over with please. Look into my mind…but before the morning comes you’re going to tell me why you did what you did as well. I can’t just let all that go, Loki. Even for you…”
“I know.” Was all he responded though. Yet there was a heaviness to it as he watched you finally move closer and he raised his open hand in front of you.
You knew what you had to do as you took a breath before bowing your head slightly, nearly touching it against his hand before he moved in to close the rest of the distance.
You felt the tension in him, the last bit of hesitation before his fingers gripped firmly upon your scalp. You tried to steel yourself as well before the gates opened up. But no one could, not to that kind of force as in only another instant it was like a switch had been flipped inside your brain. A hit akin to a bomb going off inside your consciousness as he forced his way in.
The invasiveness was painful enough on its own, but you didn’t fight as he pulled those last few years of memories rapidly to the surface. And it was all only the truth as the scenes flashed by faster and faster.
The night you’d first been in denial, learning the news that he had turned on his own family. Everyone just telling you that he had gone mad. And you arguing, even fighting to try and escape to go to him as your father Poseidon with the help of your brothers had locked you all in your family’s palace in the depths of the sea.
Zeus had commanded that no Olympian be allowed to interfere in Asgard’s battle for succession to the throne. And under penalty of death you’d had to wait and agonize, not knowing who would come out alive. Waiting for any bit of information, confused and frightened how this could even be before word finally came that Odin had retained the throne. Loki had been defeated.
But somehow when they’d eventually said that Loki had died, it was made even worse when the story had started to twist towards suicide. Because they’d told you he hadn’t been slain in battle at all, that he’d let go of the bifrost. He’d chosen to die as he’d fallen into the void.
That was what you’d been made to believe over and over, by so many who had of course never approved of your mixed race coupling with him to begin with. Some had even mocked you then too for the seeming realization that his pride and desire for the throne had been the only thing he couldn’t live without in the end. The only thing he appeared to truly love in the end.
But your depression, and the mourning that followed only became more complex as you’d realized his equally cruel parting gift. A pregnancy that kept you feeling sick and weak for months as your body had constantly tried to reject the foreign entity inside it. And the added stress of your father only hoping that the unborn would actually die so you could return to the fold and close that embarrassing chapter for your whole family at last.
Only your mother queen Amphitrite and your sister Rhode had not turned their backs on you during your difficult pregnancy. Helping you still hunt, still eat and defend yourself, yourself otherwise alone and exiled to the ocean’s most remote places before the child finally came.
But as you’d feared, the baby couldn’t even breathe underwater. You’d had to return to the surface just to keep her alive. That screaming, blue skinned child that you’d had no idea how to take care of at the time. The girl not truly Jotun, but not of your kind either, something trapped in between.
She could not survive the depths of the sea, nor was her foreign blood allowed on Olympus. So you’d had to finally give up your royal life in the oceans for good to raise her on land among the mortals.
But not long after had come the shock that Loki was still alive. Yet only starting that cycle of heartbreak all over again for you as you’d just had to watch on a human television as the man you’d loved unleashed a foreign army to wreak havoc in the very realm you were then attempting to safely raise his own daughter in. There had been so much anger and additional confusion within you at that new layer of betrayal.
But even when he had been defeated and imprisoned, you’d still begged to be able to see him. Even if he’d forsaken you, you desired to have some sort of closure at least. But Odin had refused your requests time and time again. Yes, the bifrost had also still been broken then, but you and the Allfather both knew there were other ways to cross the realms if he would only let you.
But Odin considered your child illegitimate, and insisted that neither of you had any rights in Asgard. There was no sense of goodwill to help you either when his anger and desire to further punish Loki was something insurmountable at the time. Only Frigga had reached out to you via the ravens, wanting to know as much about the girl she considered her grandchild as she could.
You had still retained hope however. In Frigga’s letters she had promised that Odin would eventually soften. She believed the Allfather’s disappointment and great hurt at Loki’s actions were being unfairly projected onto you and your daughter. But she saw it as temporary. She encouraged you to stay strong.
You had almost started to believe her too, before your world crashed to ashes all over again. Her letters had suddenly stopped. And one day, out the blue Thor had come to you with horrific new truth.
You’d been so relieved to see him for the most fleeting moment too, thinking maybe Frigga had sent him. That he may take you to visit Asgard at last, yourself briefly believing that Odin had finally relented. But it was not to be. Thor had instead come to tell you about the Queen’s murder and Loki’s self-sacrifice against the dark elves who had her blood on their hands. Frigga had been killed and Loki had avenged her. And even if not Asgardian by blood, Thor had been so adamant that Loki’s soul would have found Valhalla then.
And you’d cried in front of Thor that day, really cried in a way the you hadn’t allowed yourself with every set back before. You’d finally broken down as he’d held you, neither of you knowing what else to do. But he’d also promised you then that Loki’s daughter would never feel the pains you all had. He’d sworn that she would grow up safe on Midgard, happy. And with no other real choice, you had accepted his and Tony Stark’s eventual offer. This home, this life. You’d become an Avenger in order to protect her from worldly threats just like the attacks made by her own father, you’d-
As you felt Loki’s mind suddenly uncoil itself from your memories, you could also feel the new tears now running down your face again. You looked up at him, surprised that he’d broken the connection so soon.
But as you stared at him, you realized you weren’t the only one then in tears.
———————————
Loki blinked, that stinging wetness only growing stronger as he pulled his hand shakily back away from you.
He couldn’t take another moment. Every single thing you’d felt was as strong in his emotions now as if they’d come from within himself. And he’d had to stop when that final burst of your memories had showed that his own actions had pushed you right into being dependent on the very people he’d once most hated. You were now enlisted to fight against “villains” just like himself.
“You’re one of them,” He breathed, unable to stop that hint of accusation in his tone even as he only wanted to pull you back into his arms now.
You belonged to him. You were his goddess. But Tony goddamned Stark had provided you this home. His own mate and child were now indebted and even affectionate with that egotistical human.
It was irrational for him to feel this angry, some part of his logical mind still knew that of course. In none of your memories had he seen you take anyone else as a lover in any capacity. But the jealousy was so real, the many times Thor had now visited you as well. He’d seen that level of intimacy regardless, you’d needed them because you’d had no one else. And he hated it. The thought of you closer to them, trusting them now far more than himself.
But before you could argue the obvious that he had no right to criticize when he hadn’t been here to be your partner, when he’d left you with a fatherless child, he just took you around the waist regardless. He pulled you against him on the couch, his back leaning into the armrest and your chest now against his.
If you wanted to strike him again he didn’t care as he spoke unevenly, holding you tighter. “I never wanted this. You think I didn’t care about you, but that is not how it was. I was a lie! I was a lie Odin created, and I couldn’t accept it. Yes, I thought I had nothing left. Because I was a fool that believed you could only hate me as much as I hated myself…”
But he’d seen your mind, making it all the more heartbreaking with the truth that his being a frost giant had barely even registered in your important or painful memories. Because you truly did not care. You’d just wanted him back, in any way or form.
Your only anger towards him had been for being abandoned, for being left in the dark, not understanding his violence and his selfishness in these recent years. Your thinking that he now only cared more about conquering realms than he did about loving you or protecting his own child.
“I promised to tell you everything, and I will. But know I never would have hurt you. I never would have let the Chitauri touch you or the girl. I just wanted some kind of control back in my life. Even if I’d won then, I would have come back to you eventually. You’re all I have left…” And he only felt the slightest relief when you didn’t argue, when you didn’t berate him in all the ways he knew he still deserved, your warmth actually just settling further against his chest as he then laid his chin atop your head.
“I love you, I never stopped.” You did finally speak though, as he felt you reaching up to still wipe at your own eyes. “Don’t forget that again.”
He closed his eyes a moment, the pain of those words so real, but even he couldn’t deny them when he knew it was the truth. “Only actual death could ever separate me from you again, goddess.” He promised back. “I have so much to make amends to you for, but I’m here now. And I will not waste this chance if you’ll have me…”
He felt you shift, and as he opened his eyes again he could see you looking up at him once more. The simple touch of your soft hand then against his hair had him taking another breath before your lips met his again.
The physical comfort was so needed, so necessary as he let the two of you sink further down onto the couch. He took greedily still, even after so many years together, he kissed you like his survival depended on it.
Because maybe it did.
After a little while longer though, he felt you move again, you pulling a blanket that had been messily on top the couch then down around you both.
Evidently this is where the two of you would be resting tonight.
But there were still many hours until morning, and you had demanded the truth. He would tell you too. There’d be no more secrets between you. Before sunrise, you would know about Thanos, about the scepter and the tesseract, and how he’d escaped.
He would tell you where Odin really was and how he’d taken back Asgard from the former king. He could only be at your mercy now though, hoping you would understand enough to let him handle this how he needed to. He wasn’t ready to confess to Thor, but all illusions must fall in the end. Eventually that time would come as well. But not yet.
Right now was only about repairing what he’d had with you. And beginning the new chapter with the child he’d yet to even meet. He had failed the girl to this point, but he could at least start to make amends now. To try and be the real father that he had so wished Odin would have been.
By morning all could begin anew. Even devils got second, or in his case even third or fourth chances it seemed. He could and would not let this slip away from him again.
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(Planning to do a part 2 on this, but no ETA at the moment. Thank you for reading! )
Summary: Story set nearer the Viking Age. You were a Greek sea goddess who crossed paths with the god of mischief. Continuation of previous chapter. Waking up together, you and Loki make up for lost time with some well earned intimacy. But after returning to Asgard once more, he finds the net of suspicion growing tighter as Thor, Sif, and the warriors three begin to take notice and turn their attention further to him. Later, while you confess a little to Muninn, Loki also faces the self realization of his own deepening emotion.
Warnings:*contains smut* This chapter includes sex, mention of masturbation, ejaculation, and Loki wanting the reader to show a little more confidence/dominance in bed.
Just as every time before, Loki again woke before you. In the silence, he could even hear the soft sounds of the snow still falling lightly against the cabin’s roof. Only that and your soft breathing beside him.
As he shifted he could also feel just the slightest remnants of sand against the mattress, scraping his skin. Something he’d probably just have to get used to he thought, now looking back over at you.
The dull remnants of last night’s headache still remained, but far weaker and entirely manageable as he felt his normal mental clarity had returned. He’d left the doors to his quarters in Asgard locked before leaving last night. And those at the palace could all assume he was still sleeping off that alcohol fueled haze, buying him a little more time now.
But borrowed time was all it was. Though it was still so strange. Never would have he expected to find anything or anyone in Midgard that he was willing to work for in this way. To scheme and plot incessantly it felt like these days just to try and make this all work out in his favor.
Was he actually still afraid though? Was that really what it was? Fear that something so unexpectedly found, could be all the easier lost? Of course, initially when he’d thought of all the ways this could go wrong, there was always someone else to blame.
Odin primarily if his Father would not accept the relationship. Possibly Thor if his brother would somehow charm you in that inexplicable way of his, just as he had already taken their family’s and their people’s attention without even trying.
But for the very first time, Loki was having new, rogue thoughts.
Because what if it was only himself? What if he was the one that would fail to know how to capture this? What if he didn’t know how to maintain it? That had never been a concern before.
People had entered his bed in the past, and they had left it. He never missed them. He might miss the feeling. But if he ever did, he just found another. It was all the same.
But what happened when he didn’t want another? What in the gods’ names did someone do then? He did not like that new uncertainty. Not at all.
He’d fantasized about you one day standing beside his throne before now, yes. But fantasies were often fleeting. And just claiming a trophy was not the same as this, whatever this was. A foreign sense, almost comparable to dread was now creeping into his mind as he looked at your sleeping face.
Yet he refused to be a coward either. His pride competing with his uncertainty as he grazed his hand down the side of your cheek. He wouldn’t make the same mistake of yesterday morning at least. He wouldn’t wait so long to the point that he’d have to rush back to Asgard wholly unfulfilled again.
No, he felt you’d now slept long enough, his hand then tracing further down your naked form beside him as he leaned in to begin kissing your neck.
Yet even with the touches, you only shifted slightly. Closer to him even instead of away as he smirked despite himself against your skin. How anyone could sleep so deeply, he did not know. Were you really so trusting?
Did you trust him?
You hadn’t initially. He knew this as he remembered that first day he’d ever seen you. As you hid behind those trees with your spear clutched, yet wholly to him looking like you’d never once driven the weapon through anyone at all.
You were nervous he thought, especially when his illusion had caught you off guard. He’d known right away that you weren’t human, but he wasn’t sure what else you really were as he’d only wanted you to leave then. He’d been so annoyed to find that even in the barren wilds of Midgard, that he would still run into any other being so quickly.
It was strange to think now that maybe in some minuscule way he really did owe Odin and Thor for that chance encounter though.
He’d been infuriated at them, after Father’s very public declarations which had all but cemented Thor’s path to the throne. Loki had felt he was going to do something he may actually regret if he hadn’t left Asgard then and there to go cool down. And he’d been so concerned that Thor would only follow, Midgard had just been the first place he’d thought to blurt out to Heimdall. The last place Thor would guess, somewhere in the south as well where he wouldn’t have to run into any of those who still worshipped either his father or brother.
Yet all that seeming idle rage had just put him on a direct course to you. But he knew there were so many who still believed only in the predetermined. That everything was already fated and all would always transpire just as it should.
Loki still vehemently refused these notions however. He wanted to take credit for the things he’d earned. Never did he wish to be only a puppet on a string to higher powers. If he could keep you, it would solely be because he was worthy.
And that was always a secret at his core. How badly he wanted to be worthy.
His touches grew more insistent at that. His palm splaying low on your abdomen as he kissed even harder at your throat. And when he felt you move, he even started to suck at that skin, hoping to leave marks as one of your hands tightened on his arm.
“Loki?” You’d asked sleepily at last.
Yet he pulled back enough to taunt in return. “And what would you do if it were not?” A darkly funny thought really. He’d never yet seen you be truly violent, as he didn’t count any of those instances with the mortals. That was only like swatting flies. You hadn’t even been angry. And it intrigued him to imagine you actually fighting someone, anyone. Did you even know how?
But he didn’t really give you time to answer him either. Now knowing you were finally awake, he moved over you to kiss your mouth instead. Deeply, as he took advantage of you both already being nude beneath the blanket as he started to slide himself back and forth against you.
He didn’t miss that little moan you gave against his mouth either, pleased to know you could be so responsive even just upon waking.
Even though he’d only teased you the other day about self soothing in his absence, he would love to know if you’d ever pleasured yourself while thinking of him. Did you ever fall asleep imagining him between your legs, or wake up envisioning this very thing?
He was already growing hard at just the feel of your body against his, and now these added hypothetical thoughts of you still needing him even when alone. He had no qualms about admitting it himself. Those times he’d laid in his bed in Asgard, legs open and thrusting into his own hand as he’d envisioned you. It would make no sense to just sit there and suffer when the urges could be dealt with with a little imagination.
As it was now though, his hand concerned itself with the very real woman right in front of it as he started to rub his fingers between your legs. He’d never asked if you’d actually been a virgin before that first time he’d claimed you. He remembered some comment you’d made about your own intimacies being closer to never.
Yet it didn’t matter of course. Virginity was more just a concept than any real world value, especially to him. But he thought he was right in his sense that you were inexperienced at least. Which did stroke his ego as well to hope he was giving you pleasure beyond whatever you’d previously known.
And you did get wet easily he’d found. The amount of foreplay he gave you was more to stretch out the time together, even if he could already tell you were ready for him as smoothly as his fingers slid inside you then. It was a balance surely, not letting things be over too quickly, but also being so hard already himself and wanting to be inside you.
But he still delayed his own need, working his fingers methodically, trying to get that tell tale tremble to go through your legs. Those nerves were so sensitive he knew. Of course, it could be said that he had a very unfair advantage over other men in that arena, as obviously he’d practiced in his own female form many times as well.
He knew exactly how it could feel. How it did feel to get that stimulation. And he smiled as you moaned a little again, though maybe in time you’d learn to be louder for him. There was still a bit of shyness and pride there most likely, you holding back somewhat from what felt so good.
Yet he had got you going that night in the cave. Calling him “King”, telling him to fuck you. You’d just been trying to say what you thought he wanted to hear he was sure, but it hadn’t mattered for as good as it had still sounded coming out of your mouth.
He wondered how you would respond though, if it was him begging for you. He liked the idea as he now started to finally rub the tip of his erection against your entrance. He certainly didn’t have to fake anything on his own side though, knowing he must have that needful expression on his face by now for how badly he wanted to hurry and sheath himself inside you.
But he didn’t, instead grabbing hold of you to roll the two of you so he was now on his back with you straddling over the top of him. His swollen member now helpless against your stomach.
“Come on-” He groaned, almost calling you by your real name, though just barely stopping himself as Muninn was still here. He knew last night, even drunk as he’d been, he’d never actually called you a goddess or uttered your name in front the creature. And that was only for your protection.
But otherwise, let that spy dare bring news of this to Odin as Loki bucked a little beneath you, intentionally making a shameless moan as his cock scraped your abdomen roughly. And he did not miss the surprise on your face as he did so. He wanted you to ride him now, to let you control the force and the speed.
He knew you understood too. You weren’t that naive. But the hesitation in you was evident, making him have to speak further.
“Please,” He growled, honestly that desperation in his own voice triggering him even more. He did like this, the little role reversal. And oh, how many different games the two of you could play whenever you were finally more comfortable with him. No, he didn’t think any bedroom with you in it could ever become boring for him.
“Loki,” You had breathed in return, and he could hear that arousal permeating your own voice as well. It made his name sound so good, he wanted to hear it again and again even as he watched you lift yourself over him, blanket now thrown back and out of the way.
The view was exquisite. Watching you sink down onto him, feeling how tight it then was inside you as it took all his willpower to not immediately begin thrusting.
He was breathing harder now, trapped between your legs and loving it as you shifted, still trying to get accustomed to his width and length again before you would really start to move.
He still didn’t mind encouraging you though, guiding one of your hands then to splay it on his chest, wanting you to press down on him to steady yourself.
“Go on,” Loki all but begged. He could see that needful look returned in your own eyes however as you finally began to pump your hips.
Soft and rhythmic at first, he looked to the ceiling as his fingers dug into the outside of your thighs and he bit into his own lip at the torturously slow sensation. But this kind of delayed gratification was a torture he’d gladly accept an infinite amount of times over.
A reflexive gasp escaped him though as you suddenly raised up and slammed back down on him. Gods. Yes, that was the way.
“Harder,” He pleaded, your hand on his chest pushing into his sternum now almost as hard as your hips were moving against him.
Over and over, your bodies hitting together. He heard you hiss through your teeth though, his length finally hitting at a harsh enough angle to cause you real pain. But it would only have been your own doing, as he was still staying as still as he could.
Yet at the sound he forced his torso up, even then with your fingernails scraping down his chest as your hand slid down. He raised himself up enough to reach one of your breasts, mouthing it roughly and kissing it to distract you from the pain.
That elicited another real sound of pleasure from you before the hip thrusting started all over again, and you pushed him back against the bed with both your hands.
He grinned as his back hit the bed again. But you followed him down, your chests then colliding as you kissed him, still on top of him, still sliding him in and out so roughly between your legs.
And he couldn’t help it, grabbing you possessively, not letting you back up as the two of you kissed and he bit your tongue lightly then. This is what he wanted as he felt himself already so close to orgasm.
Some tiny, distant voice of reason reminded him he’d already been careless twice in his overwhelming desire for you however. Once at the cave, and then again in the forest that first night the two of you had come to this village. He’d given you his seed both times, wanting to feel you to the very last moment instead of pulling out.
He knew nothing of Olympian biology and if it was even compatible with that of an Asgardian to be true. Never before had he heard of a half breed between the races. But as young as you both were, it was certainly not something he would really wish to keep risking. He had zero interest in siring heirs when he had yet to claim the throne for himself of course. He’d have to be as old as Odin before he’d even consider it, not wanting to deal with more possible usurpers to his own ambitions.
And as he felt that release building in him, reason did finally win out and he all too reluctantly forced you back. Even as he continued to kiss you, he just used his hands to hold back your hips. Keeping him from reentering you as he did the last thrusts on his own, sliding against the skin of your stomach once more before he came on you both.
In the aftershocks of his orgasm he didn’t even care about the warm, sticky mess then between you. He just laid back, panting a little as he looked up in your eyes.
But he could see that little bit of question there as he smiled in what he knew was just an intentional play at arrogance on his part, his hands still rubbing your hips gently. “What, dear? As excellent an example of breeding stock as I am, I don’t think we’re quite ready for that burden do you?”
You gave a weak laugh though, and he knew you hadn’t even considered that full potential really, just as caught in all this as he was. But you must not have minded the mess much either, just laying back down on him afterward as you rest your head against him.
And it was so tempting to just stay that way, his arms then moving back around you. If only the both of you really could. But the realms weren’t quite ready for this power couple that he was already envisioning the two of you to be.
———————————
As you finally stood again to pull your dress back on, you didn’t worry about any of the remnants of Loki still on your abdomen. You’d have plenty of time to go bathe in the sea once he was gone again, which would be happening in only a few moments unfortunately. You’d both lingered together in bed as long as you could have, but he now had to return to his palace once more.
He’d already dressed himself again as well, using his magic to pull his clothing back from the floor and onto his body in the proper order quite quickly.
“What are you going to do with him?” You’d finally said though, eyeing the all too quiet chest on the floor with some concern. If the bird had passed on sometime in the night, you weren’t going to forgive yourself for not intervening sooner. But Loki had been so adamant that Odin’s ravens were far more resilient than you knew.
“Just keep him here for now.” Loki answered with all the emotion of someone commenting on the weather as he fussed a little more with straightening out his cloak that’d gotten wrinkled from being in a pile the night before.
“Oh, so I can be blamed by Odin if he dies?” You retorted, before thinking further. “Or by you if he escapes?”
Loki smirked at you, one you thought was meant to be charming, though you did realize he now seemed in a far better mood than he’d been in the night before. “I wouldn’t let that happen to you.” He promised.
Your eyebrow raised in an entirely disbelieving expression.
But Loki just continued. “And he can’t fly until his wing regenerates. It will at some point. But it’ll still take time. So guess who gets yet another new pet?”
“How lovely.” You answered with fake appreciation. “But won’t they come looking for him?”
“Oh those two can wander the realms for weeks before they check in again. They don’t come back until they have something they think Odin would wish to know. I’m sure in the real olden days it was daily, but with mostly peace in the realms again, there really isn’t much new to report now is there?”
“You have an answer for everything don’t you?” You kept on, though realizing it entirely futile.
He moved closer then though, just smiling still, “I have to go.”
And maybe it was only more manipulation, conning you into complying once more, but he actually leaned forward and kissed you. It was different though. Gentle, almost…caring?
But over just as quickly as he then walked for the door. “Do remember he does bite. And watch what you say around him. He never forgets any information until he’s delivered it to the Allfather.”
A bit late for that you thought. But maybe Loki truly didn’t care. Or every rude and awful thing he’d already said around the poor bird was really how he always spoke to him anyway in Asgard. Either way, this was not comforting to you in the least.
“Goodbye.” Was all you could think to say, still unsure how your previously, relatively uneventful life had now become as complicated as this.
But he actually said it back, a little look back at you before he closed the door, teasing that nickname purposefully again. One he must not think Muninn would be able to use against you at least. “Goodbye, Kærr. I’ll return when I can.”
———————————
Asgard, later that day
“I’m telling you something is going on.” Sif reiterated, arms crossed as they all remained gathered in the courtyard, now watching as Fandral and Hogun paired up for the next sparring match.
Fandral glanced over at her, right away barely dodging Hogun’s mace Hridgandr as he raised his shield. “So Loki’s sneaking around. What of it? That’s-” He grunted, almost getting knocked off balance as he had to sidestep again before plunging ahead with his sword. “That’s what snakes do.”
“Mind your tongue, that is my brother you speak of.” Thor warned, albeit with his feet now kicked up as he sat on the nearby ledge. His head still throbbed enough from last night, he now winced a little every time one of their weapons bounced loudly off the other’s shield.
“He does take the form of a serpent quite frequently.” Volstagg offered though. “Bugger got in my helmet once. Hah, but joke was on him. We’d just gotten back from Vanaheim and I hadn’t seen a bath in three weeks! Never seen a creature come back out so fast!”
“Ugh,” Fandral and Thor replied simultaneously.
“The maids said his quarters were locked all the way until after midday food in the hall.” Sif just continued, “And he was acting so strange yesterday morning, even for him, he-”
“Well what would Loki care for midday feast? Skin and bones that boy.” Volstagg interrupted.
And Fandral questioned, landing another near strike against Hogun. “Which maid said that? Helga or Ulfid?”
Yet Sif tried to ignore the both of them. “I’m saying I think he’s been going somewhere else, he-”
“Well where were you and Thor last night?” Fandral just interjected again.
Sif’s tone changed to an even deeper annoyance at that, quickly defending. “I was in my quarters.”
“As was I!” Thor answered all too fast, but then realizing his mistake, tried to backpedal just as quickly. “I mean, I was in my quarters of course, not Sif’s.” He chuckled a little nervously, intentionally looking away from everyone then.
Yet Sif just rolled her eyes, “And where were you, Fandral?”
But Fandral smirked provocatively, “With the maids, Helga and Ulfid of course. That’s why I asked which you’d spoken to. I left my belt and I need to fetch it back, I-”
Sif raised her hands. “Gods. Just stop. I don’t want to know.”
“You talk too much,” Hogun cut in at Fandral, sweeping the chain of the mace under the other’s feet then and laying him decidedly on his ass. Yet Hogun only continued after, already offering a hand to help Fandral back up. “Why do you not just ask Loki? See what lie he gives and investigate from there.”
Thor came back in at this though, that little tone of defensiveness returning. “But why does he have to be lying? Maybe he really was at the library yesterday, maybe he had a hangover today? It could be the truth!”
And at that every single one of them looked pointedly at Thor.
He stared back at them, defiant by nature, but at the same time withering slightly under the combined judgement of all his friends. “Okay, yes. He likes to bend the truth at times. But he’s my brother and I’d like it if we could stop gossiping about him. Are we warriors or are we maidens?”
And at Sif’s resulting death stare, Thor cleared his throat, but still continued. “Gossipy maidens…you know, like the maids, not like you of course, Sif!”
But Fandral raised his rapier again at that. “Now wait just a minute, you keep Helga and Ulfid’s honor out of this. Sif is the one so worried for some reason.” He looked to her tauntingly. “Keeping a watch on Loki now, Sif? What, do you fancy him all of the sudden? They say opposites can attract after all.”
Thor looked only further distressed at this, even as Sif spun instantly, drawing her own sword. “Alright, move Hogun, Fandral’s mine!”
Volstagg just spoke up cheerfully though, pointing across the courtyard then. “Oh look, there’s Loki now. Let’s just ask and put an end to this here and now, yeah?”
Fandral smiled, looking over as well. “Speak of the devil and he shall appear, lads.”
“He’s not the devil.” Thor chided lowly, now hopping off the ledge to come to standing. He cupped his hands around the sides of his mouth though, then calling out loudly all the way across the large courtyard. “Brother! Hey!”
The lean figure in the black and green leather paused suddenly at that. He’d only been using one of the open air corridors that bordered the courtyard. Several books in his hands when he’d had no choice but to turn his attention towards that bellowing call.
Thor brightened a little to see Loki then striding towards them a few moments later, the thunder god wanting to have this subject done and over with.
“Yes?” Loki just asked with little emotion though as soon as he’d stopped in front of them all.
This actually caught Thor off guard a little however, expecting something more sarcastic possibly, or maybe even a reprimand for screaming across the entire courtyard to start with.
“How are you feeling?” Thor just asked abruptly though, as usual having no real plan and just blurting out the first thing that came to mind.
Loki’s eyebrows did furrow at this though. “I’m…fine? Am I supposed to be otherwise?” He responded.
“Well, uh, I didn’t know. I heard you almost missed the beginning of the victory celebrations yesterday. Which you gave a mighty fine speech at by the way.” Thor tended to compliment others when nervous, but he just continued awkwardly. “And then this morning, you were all holed up in your quarters through half the day. So I just wanted to make sure, as we know you usually rise with the sun.”
Loki gave a brief glance to all of them before just looking back to Thor. “I lost track of time while in the library yesterday morning, my apologies, brother. And after last night’s lengthy celebrations I still had quite a headache long into this morning. I kept to my quarters with a few books that I’d checked out the other morning. I was only on my way to return them now.”
Thor smiled, also looking to the others before giving Loki a pat on the shoulder. “Well, we won’t keep you then. Thank you, brother.”
“Always,” Loki only returned the smile, giving a little nod before walking back away.
The group waited until he was well out of earshot and completely out of sight.
“Well, he’s plotting something. Sif was right.” Fandral mused.
“You see. If you’d only listen to me the first time.” She agreed.
But Thor seemed surprised at their interpretation, “What? No. He literally just said-”
“Said with a smile,” Fandral countered.
“And with extreme politeness,” Volstagg added.
“He might just be in a good mood today!” Thor tried to argue back.
But Fandral gave him a sympathetic look. “Thor, my good man, he’s your brother, yes. We understand. But he did not come across his own title by happenstance. The god of mischief just walked away from us with a smile on his face. There’s some sort of trickery now afoot, I assure you.”
Thor crossed his arms, giving them all a displeased look, still very reluctant to agree. “And you propose we do what then?”
“Reconnaissance.” Fandral said simply.
“Oh, a scouting mission. We haven’t had a proper one of those in a while!” Volstagg replied with a little excitement.
“We could speak to the librarian. Ask how often he’s really been in there?” Sif offered.
“And next time he doesn’t come out in the morning, we take an excursion across the balconies to see if anybody is really home.” Fandral continued, sounding quite sure that this would be a fun idea.
Thor still looked troubled though as he glanced to Hogun. “Do you have any words in the matter, friend?”
Hogun looked unimpressed as usual, but shrugged a little. “It will be good training. We have fought many physical battles recently. But not all battles are fought so plainly. Subterfuge is another component of war. To which I agree…in that, your brother excels far above yourself.”
“That’s because Thor is honest!” Sif defended.
“I only state the truth as well.” Hogun countered, though not offended.
Fandral raised his sword, pointing it to the sky symbolically. “Then it’s decided by democratic process. We shall commence operation ‘Catch a Snake’ posthaste!”
“Can we not at least name it something else?” Thor complained, yet knowing well when he’d already been overruled.
———————————
Midgard, that night
You had a few bruises on your hands from this long process of trial and error today, but it wasn’t terrible as you spoke to him softly yet again.
“Now, Muninn. You have to drink at least.” You had managed to finally pick him up out of the chest around midday, which is where most of the bites had come from. You’d just gone back to the sea ever so briefly before to clean yourself up, and brought back a little raw fish for him that he’d refused to eat and you’d had to throw it back out.
You’d also found some rudimentary wooden cups and bowls in another little holding chest as well though. So you’d gotten freshwater from the stream in one of the bowls as you now tried to offer it to him.
Every time you got too close with the bowl though, he’d just try to flap away from you. Usually falling over back onto the bed pathetically with his one working wing as you now sat there with him.
“Listen, I know I’ve already said this many times. But I’m not going to harm you. I don’t like this any more than you do, really. Yet, it’s not my place to tell one of Odin’s sons what to do. Surely you can sympathize a little? You must know the inner workings of Odin’s palace and the power structure there better than anyone.”
But the bird only fluffed up again, giving you that same irritable look he’d given most the day.
You had nowhere else to be right now though, then just laying down patiently on the bed as you propped yourself up with your elbows and watched him.
“Are you cold?” There was no insulation to speak of in the dwelling, and now with the snow laid thick on the outside, you could feel how much more the temperature had dropped in here even in comparison to this morning.
You guessed Persephone must have returned to her husband Hades fully now. So all the plants and grasses would wither as always, that time of cold and darkness lingering for months until the rebirth of spring.
You wondered if Asgard had the similar passage of the seasons though. Did it even rain there? Did it snow at times or have blistering heat at other periods?
There was still so very much you didn’t know. Loki had warned you about divulging anything to Muninn that you wouldn’t want Odin to hear. But what if it wasn’t any groundbreaking information you had to share? What if it was actually questions you had instead?
“So, is it true you can traverse the realms then without even using the bifrost?” Loki had seemed pleased the other night, saying something about Muninn finding a door for him. “It must be very interesting to be able to see so many places either way though.” You continued, but obviously still aware how much the bird would have rather been as far away from you as possible, instead of stuck here with this forced socialization.
“I’ve never been anywhere else.” You said truthfully though, still talking to him kindly. “I can only imagine what exciting things the other realms must hold. You’re quite lucky really…I mean, normally anyway. I know you must be in pain right now.”
You could see his black eyes upon you, he was listening, but still with his feathers fluffed.
“I wish you’d just admit that you’re cold, and likely hungry and thirsty.” You tilted your head a little, having an idea then of another strategy to try with him. “You know, Loki doesn’t have to know whether we were nice to each other or not. If you’re trying to make a show of things, thinking it’ll make you look weak in front of him otherwise…that’s not necessary if he isn’t even here to see it.”
You scooted the water bowl just a little closer to him, but also then moving the blanket very slowly to bunch it up in a little circle around him.
Seeing the blanket moving, he immediately tensed again, mouth opening threateningly as his good wing flared out.
“Easy…” You said, glad he actually seemed more focused on the blanket than your hands in that moment as you didn’t get bitten again. And you kept edging that blanket closer around him until it looked fairly comfortable you thought. “See? Like a little nest. Far better than a dusty old chest anyway, right?”
With that, you laid down on your side fully on the bed. The water was still in his reach if he wanted it, but you wouldn’t bother him anymore trying to manually offer it.
“I’m sorry.” You said softly still though. “None of this was supposed to happen. But I’ve never…” You paused, giving Muninn a sort of sad smile. “I’ve never met anyone like him.”
Was it wise to confess anything at all to this servant of Odin? No, surely it wasn’t. But who wouldn’t infer this eventually anyway? Why else would you be here at all? Why would you still be participating in this clearly escalating bit of madness?
“I know you’ll return to Odin as soon as you are able. And whatever transpires after that, I just want that one truth known. Anything I did was for the prince, for Loki.”
Even now you still wondered where he was, what he was doing, and when you could see him again.
“I care for him.” Was all you said next so simply though. An understatement as well perhaps, but the look in your eyes conveyed the truth.
And to finally say even that out loud opened something deeper inside you. You couldn’t turn back now even if you’d wanted to.
—————————
Asgard, that same night
Loki sat alone in his room, books strewn around him on his bed. Some of the books were the very same ones he’d been carrying when confronted by his brother and his brother’s friends earlier in the day.
He’d had to make a show afterward of actually going to the library as if to return them, to back up his excuse in case he was followed. But in reality the majority of these hadn’t even come from the library. The ones he’d been carrying earlier were actually Frigga’s own spell books.
He was researching tracking spells, knowing Muninn would heal soon enough and that all the risk he had taken in capturing him would be for naught if he couldn’t trace him back to whatever portal between the realms the spy had found. Huginn and Muninn were the only beings he was aware of that were gifted with the ability to sense and find even those smallest rifts between the worlds. And they exploited that fully as they travelled from realm to realm, acting as Odin’s eyes on all that transpired through the kingdoms.
Yes, it was now more crucial than ever that Loki find this workaround. He was still inwardly seething a bit to know that Thor and his friends had already gotten this far on his trail. He would now have to forfeit using the bifrost for some time, knowing they’d likely be watching his every move.
If he went back to you too soon, they would only follow and force him to return Muninn and reveal everything before he was ready. But if he waited too long, the bird would heal and eventually escape, flying to Asgard before he could trace him back to the location of the portal. Then all would also be revealed with Loki still having no way to return to Midgard if Odin had one of his usual stern upsets and forbid it.
But as he poured through the ancient pages, he still found his usual focus somewhat missing. He just kept recalling that odd feeling from this morning. In the quiet of that cabin before he’d woken you. And the alcohol couldn’t be blamed by then.
He took a breath, that fear twisting around in the back of his mind once more. He didn’t want to name it. Objectively though, there were only a few things it could be called.
For the average being, the word was often characterized by some sort of euphoria though. Or at least a sense of warmth, a profound glow, all things that were supposedly so common.
Yet for him, it was like a weight, tightening around him. Dread…to have something, someone to lose.
No, he wouldn’t name it. He wouldn’t call it what so many others might.
Summary: You were the one he couldn’t forget. The god of mischief’s former love before everything fell apart and he was condemned to a life of solitude. Now labeled a variant as well, you soon find yourself trapped in the void at the end of time. Confused and alone, you connect with the other versions of the man you last loved.
Notes: Kind of a quick one shot as I had nothing else ready to post at the moment. I hadn’t done anything for the Loki TV series yet either, so this is just a little something. The reader’s race isn’t really specified in this. They could be a human, Asgardian, or whatever you like.
Warnings: Angst, mention of character death, mention of past sex, a non consensual kiss at one point. But no smut in this.
You looked up towards the sky, eyes wide as yet another of those Chitauri abominations undulated overhead. An otherworldly scream left the behemoth as it scraped across the buildings as it passed.
But you could only keep running, glass and metal raining down as you did your best to dodge the larger pieces.
In your comm. link, you could hear the stress in your teammates’ voices as they alternated from relaying their own locations to asking for help if anyone was still free. The battle was not shifting in your favor. And there would be no hope at all if that portal could not be closed.
“I’ve reached Stark Tower! Can anyone give me a lift!?” You called out.
“Loki is too far gone, (Y/N)! I already tried! Get out of there!” You heard Thor’s voice in return.
But you had no time to argue with the thunder god. You knew Loki would still be too resentful of his brother to fully listen to him right now. The wounds still too fresh of finding out the life of lies that Odin had created.
Loki had had his identity torn asunder, but frost giant or Asgardian, you still knew the man you’d fallen in love with. And you would not give up on him now when he needed someone more than ever.
“Tony!” You called out instead. “Please, we have no other choice! If anything, let me distract him. Someone else get to the portal, you have to trust me!” You now had stopped in front the building.
The Chitauri soldiers on the ground had taken notice of you as you readied a fighting stance. “Tony, any time now. A little outnumbered here…”
“Got my own problems! Trying to get to-,” there were sounds of violent metal crashing and static over the radio. “Goddammit! Jarvis, reroute power from that stabilizer. Gonna be a minute here, (Y/N)! Cap, you still on?”
“Incoming for backup! On your six, (Y/N)!” You heard Steve next, even the super soldier sounding winded as you looked behind you just in time to see that flying shield connect with several Chitauri at once. They fell like wounded dominoes, even as you took out several more.
You’d run out of bullets several blocks ago. But you’d taken one of their weapons next, a staff that shot out some kind of energy pulses. It didn’t really matter what kind of energy to you though as you immobilized one enemy soldier after another, burning and blasting holes through them.
For a moment, you and Captain Rogers were back to back then, as he spoke just to you. “Look, I doubt anyone else is coming. Not before these things overrun us here. If you think you can make it to the top of that building the old fashioned way, I think it’s worth a shot.” He paused long enough to throw and then catch his returning shield yet again, the blood of the creatures starting to congeal on its edges. “Can’t say I’m a fan of that guy up there even one bit, but I do trust you.”
“Thank you,” Was all you could manage. There was no time for anything more heartfelt as the two of you exchanged last glances before you forced your way back towards the already broken glass doors of Stark Tower.
“Good luck!” You heard Steve call back, himself then running on down the street and drawing the Chitauri’s attention away from you as he did.
Once inside, you saw the power was still on for now, but it flickered several times as you’d run across the glass strewn lobby. You couldn’t risk getting stuck in one of the elevators right now as you still felt the building tremble every time another explosion echoed from outside.
Your heart was pounding in your chest as you’d started up one of the stairwells chosen at random. But you felt like a machine now, running up those countless stairs faster than you’d probably ever run towards anything in your life. Adrenaline, fear, and heartache were maybe the most powerful motivators there could ever be. It didn’t matter how many floors, or how much your calf and thigh muscles started to burn, you ran and ran.
But somewhere, maybe two thirds of the way up, there had been a much closer explosion. Your ears rang as you felt yourself falling backwards. You could taste blood in your mouth as you felt pain radiate all through you. You even blacked out for a moment before you’d opened your eyes again to find yourself bloodied and covered in concrete dust.
You could see daylight now through a massive hole where the building’s outer wall should have been. And a missing section of stairs that you’d just been about to cross before the injured Chitauri monster had crashed through it before flying on.
You could hear all the sounds of battle and death still outside, but you couldn’t let your thoughts linger on how close that may have been for you as you now just ran again and jumped the missing stair gap to continue upward once more.
You’d been here before, you knew where Tony’s executive suite was as you’d finally exited the stairwell.
“Loki!” You called out as you’d shoved open those doors. Everything almost looked just as it should. The bar, the furniture, only the panoramic glass windows were broken. Where Tony had been forced out against his will just a short time earlier you knew.
You paused only just long enough to see Loki’s back through the glass doors that led out onto the balcony and roof. The black leather, green cape, and golden horns, he was watching the battle from above, no doubt unable to hear you through all the noise from the ongoing war outside.
And you’d started towards him, only so many feet away from your goal now before a translucent rectangular shape emerged from nothing into your path. It made a sound as it did, several people emerging through it immediately, yet themselves wholly human looking. Not Chitauri, even as in the milliseconds that passed then, you’d already noted their black armor and the possible weapons gripped in their hands.
You’d lost the staff you’d been wielding when the stairwell had partially collapsed. All you could do was raise your arms reflexively, somehow even then feeling in danger before they’d spoken.
“Variant identified.” One said, albeit looking almost nonchalantly at some kind of device in their hand. Themselves upsettingly calm as if literal monsters weren’t darkening the sky all around.
You saw the others activate whatever weapons you assumed they were holding. You glanced back outside though to see Loki now walking away. He was moving back to go stand closer guard over the portal opening, farther from you.
“No! Loki!” You called again, as loud as you could as you abruptly made a run for it, trying to skirt around whoever these new soldiers now were.
“Not even a chance, sorry,” You heard one of them say, quicker than you could expect as they extended out that staff of their own. It barely even grazed you though as you’d tried to dodge just as quickly.
But it didn’t matter. Whatever their weapon did, you felt something almost akin to paralysis take hold. Yet, with one of your feet still frozen far off the floor as you’d been in mid run when it touched you.
How you didn’t fall forward, didn’t make sense. None of it made sense as they just kept talking before slipping some kind of collar around your throat.
“On behalf of the Time Variance Authority, I hereby arrest you for crimes against the sacred timeline. You’re coming with us.” The one speaking then motioned to the others as the paralysis abruptly ended.
You did fall to the ground then, unabashedly single minded though as you immediately tried to run towards the outside again, to try and reach Loki.
He was completely out of sight now. But just as your hands reached the doors, you were abruptly back to where you’d been, back across the room in the spot where they’d first confronted you.
Fighting, you fell, but then ran again.
And then again you were in that same spot where you’d been before. You should have been afraid, but somehow you were only angry. Somehow the strangers were doing this to you. All of New York City and honestly the world were now in the balance, and they just wanted to mess around? Who the hell were they even!?
It only took two times for them to reset you that way before you lunged for the soldiers themselves instead. You knew how to fight bare handed. And you had no qualms about doing whatever you had to to finish the mission. Of course your individual love was partly selfish, you didn’t want to lose Loki for good. But you were here to save the others as well, and you wouldn’t let the Chitauri overtake this world either.
You’d die rather than give up now.
“Do we really have to deal with this?” One of them asked, almost bored sounding still as you found yourself falling to that same spot on the floor yet again before your fist could connect with their face.
“Violent one isn’t she?” Another commented as you almost landed a kick the next time.
“Yeah, maybe that’s why they get along? You know what though, no, we don’t have time for this. Literally. We’re getting close to redline here. Just prune her and reset the timeline.”
It was getting harder and harder to get up every time. You stood again one last time though, glowering at them. “I’m trying to save us all you idiots!” You spoke, voice breaking in frustration. The adrenaline was finally failing you, all your body starting to hurt again as you now felt the beginnings of panic.
“Nah. That’s our job, variant.”
And that condescending tone was the last thing you heard.
They’d encircled you. You couldn’t block them all as one had struck you with their staff again. But this time it was wholly different.
A searing pain and confusion went through you as you could see your body dissipating before your very eyes. Just horror, and then….nothing.
You had failed. You had failed everyone.
———————————
There was no perception of time when you’d next awoken. You could only remember those last moments so clearly, that torture of seeing Loki walking away from you. Him not even knowing you were there at all before those soldiers had attacked you.
As you started to sit up, you found everything still where it had been. Even though you’d watched your own body disappear as if you’d somehow been vaporized, you still had your arms, your legs, your hands.
You flexed your fingers within the torn leather gloves. You were still a bloody mess, your body suit cut and ripped. The concrete dust was still all over as you tried to stand.
You may have some smaller bone fractures considering the resulting pain, but nothing that would keep you down as you tried your comm. link on instinct, touching the tiny device still in your ear.
“Hey. This is (Y/N). Does anybody copy?” Static was all that returned to you. “Thor? Nat? …Anybody?”
You took a deep breath, not yet ready to turn the radio off even if it seemed like such a longshot now. “If you can hear me…I’m still alive. I just…I don’t know where.” Was it some kind of side effect of the Tesseract? Maybe more portals had been created than Loki had ever intended?
“Leaving comm’s on for now. Hope to hear you guys again soon…”
It was all you could do as you looked out into the distance. You didn’t feel like you were even on Earth any longer. A cold wind blowing across a wide plain of grass and debris that seemed to have no rhyme or reason.
There wasn’t another soul to be seen. So you just started walking, taking off that damned collar they’d put on you as you did so.
——————————
“I’m just saying, we look for a better chair for me. The one I have now, it’s a bit small.” The largest of the people now milling through the new arrivals in a debris pile spoke up.
“Maybe if you didn’t eat so many Twinkies.” The child with them answered with an eye roll, picking up a torn and dirtied magazine as he considered it.
“Hello, it takes calories to support all this muscle!” The larger man retorted, flexing one of his arms in an exaggerated gesture. “I can’t help it that the rest of you always look like someone could push you over with a feather! And besides, he got a pool!” The man scoffed lastly, motioning to the alligator now clawing into some cans beside them.
The creature opened its mouth with a deep hiss in return.
“Which he says he found on his own, thank you.” The oldest looking of them spoke up then, translating haughtily, before he walked away a bit from the others. He heard them continue to make a few more snide replies to one another afterward, but he was only watching the ground for anything of use to place in his satchel. Of course one ear still always listening for that distant rumble of Alioth as well though as he meandered on.
It wasn’t until he heard that distinct change of tone in the child’s voice, that air of warning which caused him to also look up again.
“Hey! Someone’s coming!” The child called out lowly to the others.
“Not one of that fool’s gang again? I’ll bash their skulls in this time.” The largest man threatened, readying his hammer.
“You say that every time…” The child growled back, “And no, no I think it’s…a woman?”
“A what?” The large one replied incredulously.
That would have been a rarity indeed. At least a woman on her own anyway. Most typically were snatched up by the roaming gangs fairly quickly.
As the older man looked towards where the child had been pointing, he did quickly agree that the individual walking towards them had more the gait of a female. Though naturally there was always a spectrum of such things. There was really no telling, without actually knowing.
“Should we stand our ground?” The older man asked, specifically more to the child, even without taking his eyes off the figure growing ever closer.
“We outnumber whoever it is, so I don’t see why we shouldn’t stay,” The boy answered. “I’m not going to let them steal our supplies…”
But the older looking man just kept staring at the stranger. Something starting to nag in his instincts from deeper within as the figure became more than just a silhouette in the distance.
It was something so foreign, yet so familiar. An ominous swell rising within him as his heart rate began to quicken. That walk…no, it was more than just a woman’s. He knew that stride, that confidence.
Even the uniform, though so damaged, he had seen it before. On one of the very worst days of his life he had had to kneel before that exact bloodied uniform and the lifeless woman then within it.
“Oh my god,” He breathed abruptly, in a tone that surely none of the others had ever heard from him before as he then hurried back down the debris pile, far quicker than he looked as he tried to close the distance to her.
——————————
You’d been walking for so very long. This was truly a wasteland you’d decided. But some things were familiar and others were not. You’d finally seen the shape of damaged buildings in the distance though, and had headed towards them in the hopes of finding any other living soul.
Any living being, and hopefully some sort of answers along with them. You’d been right at least too, as you’d seen the distinctive shapes of people then.
Just three of them, and there was no way to know if they’d be hostile or not. But you had to take the chance, and once you were sure they’d seen you as well there was no point in turning back.
But you had tensed a little when you saw one break away from the others, now almost running towards you. But whatever combat training would have reminded you to be at the ready seemed to pause as your brain hitched at the very distinctive horns on the helmet of the man now bounding towards you.
“(Y/N)!?” He called out in disbelief, yourself only further hesitating at the surprise of hearing your name from the stranger.
As the man reached you, the look on your face must have only been of caution and equal parts confusion as you stared back into his amazed expression.
His excitement seemed to teeter on the verge of pain however as he stared into your eyes and the lack of recognition then within them. “Of course…of course you would not recognize me this way. Even for gods, age does eventually make its mark.” He remarked somberly, albeit also blinking to fight off that wet shine starting to form in his eyes.
“My dear…my goddess, it is I. Look past this weathered face, these clothes that you never would have seen in your time.” He begged. “The eyes, love. Look at my eyes and tell me you do not know me…”
The voice, it was different of course. But something you could not deny was familiar to you. The cadence, the terms…only Loki ever called you his goddess. At least he had before he’d fallen under the influence of the scepter and the Tesseract.
You did stare deeper into those blue eyes though as your mind continued to churn. “You…want me to believe that you are Loki?” You eventually asked aloud as if just trying to buy your own self time as you felt that unease growing which you could not explain. Something about this man made you unable to deny the insanity of his claim outright.
But so many other things had already happened to you today that you never would have believed before either.
“It’s alright,” He assured you regardless of your hesitation. “I just…I’ve never seen a variant of you here, not once. What happened?” But he seemed to regret the question just as quickly. “No…no, that’s too much to ask you right now. Please, please let’s go somewhere safer. I’ll tell you everything. I can explain everything that’s gone wrong. You…you don’t know how I’ve missed you.”
“I…” Regardless of everything else right now, you did feel that he was sincere, that he would not harm you. And you wanted answers. But you hesitated, looking to the child and a larger man still staring at you both in what looked like shock themselves. Was that also some large reptile near their legs? “Who are they?” You asked aloud. Could you trust them either?
“They’ll understand once I explain. Please,” He offered you his hand. “Come with us.”
Even in that simple gesture, it sent a chill through you. The elegant way his fingers curved just slightly, a movement you’d seen so many times before. Loki pulling you into his grasp to dance, wanting you to take his hand as you walked the royal paths and gardens of Asgard…how could this man know to mimic even those smallest traits?
And why did you not resist? Your hand grasped warmly into his own as you let yourself be led away.
———————————
You sat oddly inside what had evidently once been a bowling alley. A glass of wine that’d been poured from a box now in your hand as an alligator lingered at your feet still looking at you quite curiously.
But you needed far stronger alcohol than this as you effectively tried to summarize the lengthy explanations you’d already been subjected to. “So you’re saying…there is no such thing as freewill. That any time we deviate from our previously destined fate, we’re immediately erased to this purgatory to die?”
The others just nodded, before you only continued. “And that my…my deviation, or my nexus event as you called it was that I was supposed to be killed at Stark Tower that day?” It still felt disturbing to even say something so morbid out loud, but the moment the TVA had tried to take you was just before you would have reached Loki.
If you were never supposed to reach him, only death could have stopped you. You knew that deep down.
The older Loki only answered you softly. “In my timeline, dear, it hadn’t been just an empty hole in the stairwell for you to cross. The Chitauri swarmed in through it like locusts. Even you couldn’t fight them all off then.” He looked down again, thoughts seeming to drift off again to tragic memories only he knew.
“I was the one that found you…” He continued despite himself. “But for you to be here now means that I had to be defeated by the Avengers…I had to stay on that dark path to serve my purpose to the ‘sacred timeline’. And mourning you, knowing my actions led to you losing your life while you’d only been trying to save me…there was no real coming back for me after that. Though Thor did try…”
You glanced to the other Lokis. They had already said that they did not know you. You thought perhaps they had been pruned too soon before you or a version of you at least could come into their own lives. Or maybe you hadn’t existed in those timelines at all? But regardless, they all seemed to be experiencing some sort of vicarious emotion from the older Loki now as no one looked anything but somber.
Yet really, for now only one more question lingered painfully in your mind as you finally had to ask. “But if I had reached you…if I’d gotten to that rooftop in New York, and begged you…would you have given up your conquest even for me, Loki? Would my sacrifice have even mattered?”
You felt you had a right to know. You had thrown your life away for that intention either way. Clearly, if you survived the battle of New York, you were only then thrown to the void by the TVA to die. And if you didn’t survive New York, then you were just more immediately dead.
But the cruelty in your question may have been too much at last as you saw his hurt blue eyes meet your gaze again.
Yet he had nothing left to hide it seemed, answering anyway even through the clear struggle of emotion.
“I…I think I would have listened to you at least. I mean, you would have had to change something by facing me on that rooftop. They wouldn’t have deemed you a variant otherwise, my dear. But…I must shamefully admit, knowing who I was then, I may have only tried to force you to join me. Rather than give up my perceived kingdom…I would have wanted you to rule it at my side.”
“What?” The more boastful Loki you had deemed him, interjected. “Like get married? Take a queen? Lokis don’t get married my friend. And Lokis do not share power.”
“Spoken like a man never in love.” The older Loki just countered with a sad smirk. “Lokis can lie as long as they want. We do not want to die alone either. We’ve all always wished for a true companion. I just got closer than most of us.”
You tried to wipe at your own eyes without the others noticing. So very rarely had you ever heard Loki use that word love directly to you. But if this really was just the man your own Loki would one day be, if this is how your Loki had felt, you could only continue to wish that it had been true. That he had sincerely loved you somewhere deep down, even after everything he’d done.
But regardless, you’d never see him again now. If there was really no way out of here, if time stood still in this place, it was hell in the almost literal sense of the word. An eternity of suffering, special made for all of you.
As you tried to force those terrible thoughts back away though, the tears begging to escape, you felt a rough nudge to your ankle.
Looking down, the alligator Loki just rested his snout on the top of your foot, looking up at you with if you weren’t already at the edge of sanity you might have tried to convince yourself was not a look of sympathy now coming from a reptile.
You mouthed the words ‘thank you’ to him regardless though, hearing only a satisfied type of growl as he closed his eyes, seemingly content to enjoy a nap against your boots.
——————————
As could be expected there was no sense of time in the void. No real days or nights. But the boys had accommodated you as best they could you thought. Making a separate area for you to have a little privacy even within their Loki den.
It was the older, or as he jokingly preferred, the classic Loki that you were closest to of course. He was the most like the Loki you remembered. The one you still had silent hopes to one day see again.
You acted as a comfort for one another, with long conversations and sharing old memories none of the others could understand. You knew to him you were family he’d never thought he’d get to see again. And you were happy to help him relieve some of that ancient guilt as you assured him time and again that you did not blame him for your death in his timeline. You had made your own choices. The consequences were just what they were at this point.
But there was one odd thing you had picked up on after a while. He didn’t like you to leave the den at all. It was almost a fatherly kind of protection by now really. But you still had to push back on that. As Alioth or not, you had to have some fresh air here and there.
And you wanted to be useful, to help find resources with the others as well as do your part to protect them.
Eventually though, you did finally realize what it was he was really so concerned about. Not Alioth, or the gangs really. Or at least not a gang on its own, but rather its leader.
Even classic Loki could withhold truths from you it seemed, as you’d eventually been out looking for food or more drinks one ‘day’ you’d still call it at least even if time never truly passed here. Kid Loki and his Hi-C’s were something else as fast as the boy could go through those things whenever you could find them.
But boastful Loki had been your only partner on that particular hunting trip. And you’d been far enough out of each other’s sight when you’d heard a distinct whistle.
You froze immediately, those few special memories springing to mind at the long lost sound. That was the ‘hey, I don’t want to call for you all the way across the palace courtyard, but come meet me in my bedroom now’ whistle as your heart leapt into your throat.
Classic Loki wouldn’t do that even if he remembered it, you also knew that instantaneously. He’d never been anything but a gentleman to you since your arrival. So you didn’t know what else to expect as you’d somewhat fearfully turned around.
“Hello, love.” Loki almost purred, in that deeper voice you’d usually only heard when he was either very aroused or very angry.
But of all the Lokis you’d seen to this point, this was the first one that had the same face as your own Loki that you’d been stolen away from. Though the clothing was very different. A suit and smaller horns as he walked closer with his hands in his pockets, and an odd political button on his chest.
“I’d heard the lesser Lokis had adopted a woman into their group. But imagine my disbelief, trying to reason it must only be yet another boring version of ourselves. And then, a little spy tells me it’s not a female Loki at all. But a woman at least one of us had once wanted to call their queen….color me quite interested then.”
You straightened, cautious, yet unable to stop listening, to stop looking into his eyes as you’d wanted to see him again for so very long. But was he really like your Loki? All the Lokis were different, even classic Loki had lived so many centuries without you that he’d grown and changed from the exact one you remembered.
The way this Loki leered at you though, it invoked more the Loki who had obsessed most over the Tesseract. The one that had killed Agent Coulson right in front of the rest of you.
“Loki….” You answered, partly surprised still, but partly in warning as he neared ever closer to you.
But he wore your lover’s face. It was wholly unfair as he only smiled in pleasure as his name left your mouth.
“You know, in my timeline we did become lovers as well. But I didn’t let you join the Avengers…not until you promised to betray them for me at least.”
You stared, clearly disbelieving. “And how did that work out for us?”
He just chuckled, a dark sound. “Oh, just with you dead in Stark Tower yet again. You tried to double cross me.” He was now standing directly in front of you. “Love, I can only imagine how many times you’ve died on Tony Stark’s property by now.”
“Did you kill me?” You breathed, really starting to consider calling out for boastful Loki, not that he could possibly get to you to help in time.
This new Loki’s eyebrows raised, but he only looked your body over, not even trying to hide his want. “You really think I would ever plunge a dagger between those lovely breasts? Now, maybe something of mine between your legs of course…but only when you begged me for it, as you did quite often.”
“Oh? So it was just sex in your timeline?” You asked bluntly, the question legitimate, even if you might still be talking just for the sake of it, trying not to fall prey to him as you took a quick step back. But deep down that implication could still hurt if you let it, even though classic Loki had assured you you’d truly been loved in his universe. Maybe every timeline really was so different, that for other Lokis you’d just been someone else to bed.
What were you then to your own Loki? But you only glared then as this Loki laughed at you abruptly.
“And what would that matter if I only wanted physical pleasure? I don’t remember you being so sensitive. In your timeline, dear, did we only whisper sweet nothings and coddle one another late into the night then? Sounds awful…tell me, why in Hel would I want a kitten when I could have a lioness?”
That was it. His mocking tone was only growing and you weren’t going to be tormented like that, no matter whose face he had. You turned your back to him to decidedly walk away.
He was not your Loki.
But you can’t say you were surprised either when he immediately resisted your attempt to leave. All Lokis had to have the last word after all.
What did surprise you though was that instead of him spitting any additional venomous or insulting words to you in response, you just felt his hand grab your wrist roughly before he spun you back around and slammed his lips against yours.
You tried to push him back in reflex, but he only caught you around the waist, holding you almost painfully tight as his tongue then forced its way into your mouth.
It was somewhat frightening, yourself not used to the force. But albeit him tasting just the same as you always remembered him. It was so confusing, both knowing that this was but wasn’t right. He was a Loki, but not the one you’d let explore your body so many times before. In reality, you were being kissed by a total stranger.
There was a true cruelty to that as well that no one should ever have to experience, the familiarity enough to make you want to believe your loved one had been returned to you. Yet the heart knowing it was just wrong enough, and not your loved one at all.
To your further shock though, it was him that actually broke the kiss first. And as you stared at him, trying to understand, that is when you finally saw something more than arrogance or coldness in his eyes. You saw that trace of sadness all the Lokis had before he was able to conceal it again behind his own glare.
“You aren’t her.” He said so plainly, but with the air of someone who had just lost something very important all over again.
“No,” You said quietly, regret starting to tinge your own voice as you finally understood. He was looking for the same thing you were. He wanted someone he could no longer have.
You heard an annoyed sigh escape him, even as he didn’t let go of you. He sneered a little afterward, irritation evident as he just began talking again. “You know, in my timeline you did actually make it to that rooftop. But I’d gone after the other Avengers already. And I’d stopped Romanoff from getting the scepter, so there was nothing the idiots could close the portal with. I was on the verge of winning!”
He had your wrist still, his cold hand squeezing it harshly as he looked into your eyes while the anger of the memory grew. “But the humans were going to vaporize the entire city with one of their bombs rather than lose to me. So you decided you had to save us all.”
There was clear accusation in his tone, but you just kept silent as he confessed this to you.
“Ihated you for it too. I couldn’t understand why you would sacrifice yourself for those insects. If I’d known your plan for even an instant, I’d have taken you and fled that place. I’d have done anything, not to have just been left with that scene that day. You took the Tesseract with your own hands. You pulled it from the machine and broke the doorway. But it was active then, an infinity stone at near full power. No one there could have handled it bare handed as you did and not have paid the price!”
You stared at him. This was not the anger of a man that had lost just another toy from out of his bed. You did have meaning to him after all if your departure had torn this big of a hole through him.
But could he really not understand your motivations then? Why were they all so stubborn!?
“You really think I would have killed myself if it wasn’t to save you too, Loki!?” You shot back, even the fear of Alioth not enough to quiet your rising voice now. “I wanted you back! Everything I did, you were my goal! Everyone else was only second. Everything else was always second. I wasn’t any less selfish!”
It was the truth. It was all only the truth. Maybe you’d only gotten what you’d deserved after all. Maybe you did deserve to be here, a punishment fit for two.
But he was just staring at you now. And you couldn’t handle that either before you were the one to kiss him this time.
It was still wrong, but he didn’t fight it as he closed his eyes. This time letting you lead just enough to give the action more than just that sense of forcefulness and lust. You tried to kiss him how you would have kissed your own Loki had he been standing before you right now. Desire yes, but affection as well, that special emotion reserved for the most important person that had ever filled your heart.
And when you finally did pull away again, it was clear he hadn’t wanted you to stop as he opened his eyes once more. Regretfully he frowned, his voice the quietest it had been yet. “And is that how you and he used to do it?”
“Yes,” You answered. Only surprised again when he suddenly let you go.
“I may not be your Loki, and you not my…well, you.” He spoke, albeit backing away now. He hid it well, but something still seemed shaken in his confidence that he’d come here with. “But come find me again, love, whenever you tire of being treated like a ‘lady’ by that old man and his vagabonds. Come to me whenever you’re ready for some real physical comfort from a true Loki. That’s the best I can offer you.”
Your eyebrows lowered, the deja vu so strong somehow as he walked away. In the beginning of your relationship years ago, Loki had wasted so much time trying to prove to himself that he didn’t really need you. Just because he was so afraid of the implications and the potential consequences deep down. And it was like going back to the very beginning in that moment.
But you couldn’t say what would happen now. You could only try to keep surviving. Maybe he deserved to be alone, but maybe he didn’t. What was really right or wrong when time no longer even existed for any of you? “If Alioth doesn’t kill me first…eternity sure is a long time. So never say never I guess. Right, Mr. President?” You taunted a little back in reference to his attire, just loud enough that you were sure he’d still hear you.
To his credit, he didn’t even pause in his stride either. Himself not looking back, refusing to give you that. But you heard that sardonic tone drift back none the less. “Now that does sound a bit more like her…I’ll be waiting to see if there’s any more in there somewhere. Maybe you’ll surprise me one day.”
Once he was finally gone though, you stood there in a little residual frustration for just a few more moments before you finally began walking in the opposite direction yourself.
By the time you’d rounded a few more hills of debris, back to where you’d last seen boastful Loki, you were actually a little surprised to see him still standing there.
He hadn’t collected a single piece of anything you saw, and the momentary bit of shock on his own face to see you already back told you all the rest of the story that you needed to know.
So here was President Loki’s ‘little spy’.
“Please tell me you were at least going to trade me to him for more than just a bigger chair.” You grumbled, not quite sure yet how much of a scene you wanted to make about this.
“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” He tried, just straightening up into reflexive lies.
“Don’t.” You waved a hand. “I know all of you too well. I just want to know I’m worth more than a damn chair in this place. Can you at least answer the question?”
You saw him hesitate, no doubt that endless fountain of creative deceptions spinning full tilt as he tried to decide on which route to take.
“Loki,” You just sighed at him at last though, too many emotions in the last few moments to stay angry for very long. “He didn’t hurt me. You didn’t hurt me. So it’s not worth telling all the others. Whatever plot you have going on, they wouldn’t be surprised anyway. And if you just want to pretend that I’m an idiot, then go ahead. But let’s at least get some things to bring back to look like we did something out here.”
While he stared at you, you just grumpily followed through on your word, starting to collect anything that looked useful and placing it in your bag as if he wasn’t even there.
“I know you aren’t an idiot.” His voice finally spoke after a few more moments though making you glance back over.
He looked as annoyed as you however, just continuing. “He acts so tough doesn’t he? Like all of us I guess. But I really didn’t think he’d let you go after all his talk. What a pretender.”
You raised an eyebrow, yet answering all the while going back to sifting through the trash. “Well, I think he just realized I wasn’t actually the same person as who he lost.”
“No, I suppose you wouldn’t be.” Boastful Loki admitted, yet with a little weight to his tone that was a bit unusual for him.
When you felt his eyes still on you, you spoke again. “What? Look, the sooner we can get some supplies, the sooner we can go back. Are you going to help or not?”
His chuckle surprised you a little before he did finally start looking through the debris as well. “You know, if you can keep this failed trade to yourself, I think I’m safe to tell you one more thing.”
“I’m listening.” You responded, albeit only thinking he was going to tell you about some other predictable betrayal he’d been thinking of.
“I lied when I said I did not know you.” He admitted.
That was a little more interesting, but you chose not to show it, just saying, “Oh?” If he wanted to talk about it much further, he would. If he didn’t, he wouldn’t. You weren’t much in the mood to hear about yet another tragic way you’d died at Stark Tower today.
“Well, sort of. I mean, your name was (male version of Y/N) there.”
Okay, that was a new one. You were a man in his timeline? You couldn’t help but make eye contact with him again then. “Then how do you know it was actually me?”
“I was skeptical at first. Obvious differences in appearance of course,” He agreed. “But…the more you talk, the more you remind me of him. The things you say, the way you say them.” He smiled a wistful kind of smile then that instantly reminded you of classic Loki, as if he were reliving some old pleasant memories.
It was odd, as boastful Loki had never yet offered such a personal confession to you. But you couldn’t help but smile too, sensing the evident fondness he must have had for that person. “Was he handsome?” You questioned almost a little playfully.
“Oh, what, you fishing for compliments now?” He retorted tauntingly, but answered quite decidedly. “Of course he was! I mean, to me he was obviously. A warrior too.”
“Of course.” You answered.
“But it was more.” Loki continued sincerely, “He didn’t mind my bragging you know? He listened. He even enjoyed it I think. He didn’t judge me…”
You smirked a little, knowing that particular role all too well. Maybe some things never really did change. A few constants through all the timelines that even the TVA couldn’t stop. “It’s called love. You guys just take too long to label it.”
He hesitated, that sad look coming over him for just another moment. “I do miss him.”
You didn’t have to respond then for him to know how much you understood. You all missed your other halves…deeply.
But perhaps a real hero would emerge one day and do away with the TVA at last. Someone who could free the timelines and the multiverse for every single one of you to exist together again in your own branches just as you always should have.
Warnings: mentions of pregnancy, imprisonment, I think that’s it………if I missed something I’m sorry
Summary: loki and frigga put their plan into action as you work to move on.
Part 15-
====================================
Asgard-
“You know what to do.” Frigga said as her and Loki walked down the corridor. He nodded slightly, breaking off heading to his chambers. A week had passed and he was running out of time. He closed the door, locking it, he couldn’t be disturbed if this was going to work, it had to be believable.
He sat on the bed, crossing his legs putting his feet under his knees. He closed his eyes and focused. He knew this would drain his power, but there was no other way. Summoning all of his seidr, he focused on his duplicate, willing it to life. He opened his eyes and he was in the corridor. He felt it flicker for a brief second, but pushed more of his seidr into it. He took a deep breath and started towards the throne room.
Frigga was standing by the doors. He walked up standing next to her. “Are you in your chambers?” She whispered. He looked at her and nodded. She smiled as they looked at eachother. “Let’s get you home.” She said as he nodded, and they both walked into the throne room. “Your highness, it seems I have been called away on urgent business in Jotunhiem, there has been an uprising that must be quelled.” Loki said standing in front of the steps. Thor looked at Loki, and then to Frigga. “Can not one of your generals handle this issue?” He asked standing up.
“I’m afraid not, the generals are overwhelmed, so I must return at once.” Loki said looking at him. Thor started walking down the steps, not taking his eyes off of Loki. “And when will you return, your bride will be here day after tomorrow.” Thor said circling around him. “I should return by then.” Loki said watching Thor. Thor suddenly smiled “very well brother, I shall accompany you to the bifrost.” Thor said extending his arm. Loki nodded and headed out of the room.
They made it to the bifrost, Loki and Frigga exchanged a look. “Hiemdall, King Loki must return to Jotunhiem briefly, will you open the bifrost?” Thor said smiling at Loki. Heimdall looked at Thor before looking to Frigga. “Yes my king.” He said, turning the sword opening the bifrost. “I will see you in two days time brother.” Thor smiled. Loki nodded and walked into the lights before Heimdall shut it down. Thor turned to leave nodding at Frigga “Mother” before leaving. Frigga looked to Heimdall “Thank you.” She said nodding. He nodded but didn’t say anything. She turned and quickly headed back towards the palace.
She made it to Loki’s chambers, looking around to ensure she was alone before slipping in. “Are you ok?” She asked seeing Loki rubbing his temples. “Fine, just drained. He wasn’t supposed to come with us.” He said looking at her. “It will be fine, we must go now.” She said rushing to the door, Loki following. They were both on high alert as they made their way to the stables, there were other pathways to earth, Loki just had to get there without being seen, and using all of his power to cast the duplicate left his seidr depleted, unable to disguise himself.
“Go, find your happiness son. I hope to one day see you again.” Frigga said hugging him. “Thank you mother.” He said hugging her back. “I must get back before I make noticed, you know the way.” She said looking at him. He nodded and smiled at her. She smiled back, and turned heading back to the palace. Loki ran into the stable pulling a horse out. “Brother, surprising seeing you here.” He heard. He stiffened “damn.” He said slowly turning to see Thor with several Einherjar. “I was wondering when you were going to stop falling for that.” Loki said, sarcasm laced in his tone. Thor huffed a laugh “take him to the dungeons.” Thor bellowed as the gaurds surrounded Loki.
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Earth-
You were making tea when you heard a knock on the door. You had had several people come look at the property but no serious inquiries, you were hoping this one would be the one, you couldn’t be here anymore. You ran to the door with a smile “oh, Dr Laing, what are you doing here?” You asked surprised. “Afternoon y/n, I’ve come to look at the property.” He said with a smile. “Oh, well come in, I’ll show you around.” You ushered him inside.
You went over the details of the house with him, giving him a tour before heading outside. “What happened there?” He asked pointing to the scorched grass. “Oh, just a freak incident a little while back, it should grow out fine though.” You said as he nodded. You showed him the fields, and took him to the stables. “I didn’t know you had horses y/n.” He said looking at you. “Oh, yeah they were my dad’s, that’s buttercup and daredevil.” You said pointing at them. “What will happen to them when you sell?” He asked looking at you. “I’m hoping to find someone who would want to keep them here, but if not I’m not sure yet.” You said closing the doors.
You went back to the house inviting him in. “I was making some tea, would you like some?” You asked heading to the kitchen. “Yes please.” He said looking around. You came back out ushering him to the table. “So y/n, I am very interested in your property, and I was wondering what your asking price was?” He asked sipping his tea. “Well I hadn’t totally decided yet, I just wanted to leave as soon as possible.” You said stirring your tea. “Well, I would defiantly love to go over that with you when you’ve made a decision.” He said looking at you. “That would be great, I’m sure we can come together on a price.” You said looking down.
“Are you entirely sure you want to sell?” He asked leaning forward. Clearing your throat “yes I am. There are too many memories here. I need to start over, somewhere new.” You said fighting your tears back. He nodded finishing his tea. “Well and I would love for the animals to stay, if that’s something you would agree to.” He said smiling. “Oh, I would love if they could.” You said with a smile. “Well then, I’ll leave you to decide, I’ll be in touch, and you know how to reach me.” He said standing. “Yes, as soon as I figure out the details I will call you.” You said walking him to the door.
“Good night y/n.” He said nodding “good night Dr Laing.” You said closing the door behind him. You sighed as he left, you were finally going to be able to move forward, and knowing the animals would be ok was a relief. You laid on the couch, wrapping the blanket around you, the tears you had been holding in escaping, running down to the pillow. You wrapped your arm around your stomach “We’ll be out of here soon little one.” You whispered. Closing your eyes letting the escape of sleep take you..
Warnings: mentions of arranged marriage, sadness, mentions of pregnancy, depression.
Summary: loki and frigga work on their plan. As you try to find a way to move forward.
Part 14-
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Asgard-
A week had gone by with no word from frigga as the wedding plans moved forward. Loki was pacing his chambers as he heard a knock. He ran to open it finding a gaurd standing there. “The king requires your presence.” He said backing up. Loki nodded, closing his door following. “Brother.” Thor bellowed as he entered the throne room. He only nodded as he stood before the throne. “Why have you called me?” Loki asked looking up at him. “Good news, I have found a suitable wife for you.” Thor said getting up walking down the steps. “She is on her way, and you shall be married in two weeks time.” He said clapping a hand down on Loki’s shoulder. “And why must I do this?” Loki asked moving away from Thor. “So solidify the alliance, you must marry an asgasdian.” Thor said simply. “You know very well I cannot take her back to Jotunhiem, she will perish” loki said looking at him. “We’ll figure that out, come, let’s go over the arrangements.” Thor said walking away, Loki following.
Loki stormed into his room slamming the door. He needed to do something but it was beginning to seem hopeless. “Loki, my son.” Loki looked up seeing frigga. “Have you found a way?” He asked walking to her. “I believe I have. Come.” She said motioning to the lais. They discussed her plan, making sure they worked out every detail. “I must go before I am missed, you know the plan.” She said standing up. “Yes, and we must act fast. I am to be married in two weeks.” Loki said following her to his door. “We will enact our plan soon, wait for my word.” She said. “And son, I am truly sorry for everything. And I hope one day you’ll be able to forgive me.” She said cupping his cheek. He closed his eyes and nodded. “I just need to be with her.” He said looking at her. “And you shall be, stay strong and be ready.” She said slipping out the door.
She made it to her chambers and heard a knock on the door, as Thor entered. “Mother, may I ask what it was you were doing in Loki’s chambers?” He asked coming to stand in the middle of the room. “I was only asking him of the progress of his union.” She said sitting down. He eyed her sitting across from her. “I would hope you two would not be plotting behind my back.” He said looking at her. “No my king, only catching up, I see him so little.” She said not breaking eye contact. “He is to be married in two weeks, and then he will return to Jotunhiem.” Thor said standing up. “And what of his bride? It is far too cold there for her to survive.” She asked looking at him. “He will need to remedy that, it is not my concern.” He said heading for the door. “And mother, no more sneaking around.” He said turning towards her. “Yes my king.” She said bowing her head. With that he was gone. She sighed, hoping their plan would work.
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Earth-
You went about your routine in a daze. You felt like you were on autopilot. You had been taking your vitamins everyday which helped you feel a bit better, but not much. Everything was overwhelming since you found out. You continued sleeping on the couch, unable to sleep in bed without him. Everything felt empty, lifeless as you wandered through your days.
Every night you would take your tea and sit on the porch watching the sunset, secretly hoping to see the rainbow lights again, hoping he would come home, and every night was the same, nothing. As you walked through the house everything reminded you of him. The front door where he would pounce on you when you came in, the kitchen where he would hold you until your coffee was done, the bathroom where he had taken care of you. You had made love to him in every room, every surface holding a memory of him. You went to his room, opening the door you were hit with the smell of him. You hadn’t come in here since he left. You just stood in the middle of the room, replaying everything in your mind.
“I need to get up.” You said. “No you don’t” he said, snuggling into you.
“I love you Adam.” You said hugging him. “I love you more.” He said, leaning down kissing you.
You felt the tears run down your face as the memories flashed in your mind. You loved him, love him, but he didn’t feel the same, he left. You went to the living room, remembering your last night with him, staring into his eyes as he held you close to him, your bodies connected. In that moment you felt your souls connect. You had never made love to anyone so intimately. You laid on the couch, wrapping yourself in the blanket you let the tears fall. There was nothing you could do but try to move on.
You had decided to sell the farm. The memories being too much to handle. You rolled over onto your back, rubbing your stomach. “We’ll figure it out little one, I promise.” You sighed. You had a couple people coming to look at the farm tomorrow, hoping one would work out. You didn’t want to, but you couldn’t be here anymore, surrounded my the memories, the pain. You closed your eyes, hoping sleep would take you.
Warnings: mentions of illness, self esteem issues, mentions of birth control, mentions of arranged marriage.
Summary:you try to figure things out as life gets complicated.
Part 13-
========================≈===========
Earth-
A month had gone by and your stomach hadn’t eased, the nausea still hitting at random times. So you decided it was time to see the doctor. As you say in the waiting room, your nerves were a mess. The last time you were here you had Loki with you. You teared up remembering the day you decided to take care of him, be there for him, and now you had no one to be there for you.
Your name was called and they showed you to a room. You sat alone in silence. Thoughts whirling in your head when you heard a knock on the door. “Come in” you said straightening up. “Morning y/n, whay brings you in today?” Dr Laing asked sitting down. “Well I’m still feeling nauseous, and getting sick alot. I’ve been exhausted lately and I don’t know why.” You said. He looked over your chart and hummed. “Have you been under any stress lately?” He asked flipping through the pages. “Yes, a bit. Trying to keep the farm going has been hard.” You said looking down. “Any medications your taking?” He asked standing and walking to you. “Um, not really. Just over the counter pain killers and my birth control.” You said seeing him nod. “OK we’ll run a few tests and see what’s going on.” He smiled setting his clipboard down.
An hour later you were back in the room waiting for the doctor. You couldn’t help fidget either your hands as you waited. A knock came as the doctor came in. “Well y/n, we got your results back.” He sat looking at his clipboard “turns out your expecting.” Your eyes went wide as your jaw dropped. “H..how……I’ve been taking my medication for years.” You said looking at him. “Well that’s not always totally effective, and if you missed a couple doses…” he trailed off looking at you. Had you missed some, it was possible.
He handed you a prescription for vitamins “I want you to go pick those up and start taking them, vet plenty of rest, don’t exert yourself.” He said placing his hand on your shoulder. You looked down and nodded. “We’ll get you set up with ongoing appointments to make sure you and baby are healthy, and if you need anything call ok.” He said stepping back. “OK, Thank you.” You said sliding off the table heading to the receptionist. You drove home in a daze. You sat at the table looking at the bottle of vitamins. “How am I going to do this?” You thought to yourself as you layed your head on the table.
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Asgard-
“What is it Heimdall?” Frigga asked walking into the bifrost. “You had asked me to keep an eye on the mortal, and there is news.” He said looking at her. “Is she OK? What happened?” She asked stepping closer. “She is with child my lady. Loki’s child.” He said. Frigga froze “I didn’t think that was possible. Are you certain it is Loki’s?” She asked stepping closer. “Yes my lady, I am certain.” He said looking at her. I must inform Loki at once.“ She said. "He is om Jotunhiem my lady, the king has ordered no one to go there until the alliance is complete.” Heimdall said. Frigga thought for a moment. “Then we shall bring him here, I’ll find a way.” She said as she left.
Frigga walked into the throne room “my king, any progress on the alliance with Jotunhiem?” She asked looking to Thor. “Indeed, I was about to send for king Loki to finalize it.” Thor said standing. “That is wonderful news my king, what else must be done?” Frigga asked walking with Thor towards the bifrost. “The arrangements have all been made, I shall return the casket to them, and Loki is to marry.” He said continuing to the bridge. “Marry? Marry who?” She asked stunned. “Asgard has no princess, so it will be a noble woman of my choosing. Once he is married the casket will be returned, cementing the alliance.” He said
“Are you sure that is wise my king? Loki has only ruled a short time, why not let him settle into his role before he marries.” Frigga said as they entered the bifrost “Heimdall, open the bifrost to Jotunhiem and summon king Loki.” Thor said. Heimdall looked to frigga who shook her head. “Yes my king” he said twisting the sword activating the bifrost. “Jotunhiem needs a queen and an heir to secure Loki’s rule. It shall be done.” Thor said. “Yes my king.” She said looking at the entrance as Loki walked through. She hadn’t seen him in his true form since he was an infant. He stood tall, clothed in white and gold leathers, a white cloak with fur lined the top, and a blue horned crown on his head, similar to his helm. His long black hair framed his face, his skin a deep blue, eyes blood red. She could see the ancestral ridges along his face. He stood emotionless, distant. “King Thor, why is it you have summoned me?” His voice boomed through the room. “Come, we have much to discuss.” Thor said heading to the bridge.
Loki went to follow when frigga softly touched his arm. He stopped and looked down at her. “Your highness, I must speak with you at once.” She whispered to him. He slightly nodded before following Thor. She shot Heimdall a look before following the kings to the palace. Frigga had to find a way to get Loki back to earth, back to his love. She just wasn’t sure how.
Frigga waited in Loki’s room, pacing as she waited for him. Suddenly she heard the chamber door slam shut. “That oaf expects me to marry!! I will not!!” He yelled throwing his cape on the chair. “King Loki, I must speak with you as once.” Frigga said watching Loki pace back and forth. “I agreed to take the throne, not marry!!” He yelled again, continuing pacing. “Loki!” She yelled getting his attention. “What is it!?” He looked at her, his red eyes staring into her. “You may want to sit down.” She said looking at him.
She sat across from him, thinking. “Well, what is it?” He asked leaning forward on the lais. She fidgeting her hands “Loki, son, it was a mistake bringing you here, I see that now.” She said looking at him. He didn’t say anything, just looked at her. “You were happy, loved. You found what others only dream to.” She said, seeing tears form in his eyes. “I fear is it too late, she won’t want me after leaving her.” He said shakely looking down. “You are wrong Loki, she loved you and loved you still.” She said looking at him. “Heimdall has kept watch over her, to make sure she is safe.” She said. Loki’s head shot up “and is she safe? What’s happened?” He asked looking at her.
“She is fine, she has been ill, but fine” frigga said. “Why is she ill? Tell me what’s going on?” He demanded standing up. “I cannot tell you, it is her who must.” Frigga said standing, walking to Loki. “We must find a way to return you to her, she needs you.” She said. “Go along with Thor, for now. I’ll come up with a plan.” She said as she hugged him. “I’m sorry Loki, for everything, but I will make this right.” She said as he hugged her. She pulled back looking at him, cupping his cheek his skin cold “you will hear from me, we will get you home.” She said wiping a tear from his cheek. He nodded and with that she left his chambers, determined to find a way.
Warnings:depression, sadness, mentions of illness, stress, anxiety, manipulation, Thor being a jerk.
Summary: loki arrives back in asgard as you try to carry on
Part 12-
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Asgard-
Arriving back on Asgard, Loki stormed out of the bifrost heading towards the palace. Making his way through the corridors towards his chambers. “Brother, we shall be meeting with the leader of Jotunhiem, asserting your claim to the throne, ready yourself to depart.” Thor said, Loki didn’t respond, only nodding before going inside. He closed the door looking around the room, he never thought he would be here again. He sat on the lais, thinking back to what had transpired…
“Brother, why are you really here?” Loki asked Thor as they went into the house. “I need your assistance with Jotunhiem, they are threatening war and I can’t have that.” Thor said walking around the living room. “Why not ask Odin, he’s the one that banished me, why would he want my return.” Loki said sitting at the table. “Father has fallen into the Odinsleep, he isn’t aware we are here.” Thor said sitting across from Loki. “And what does all this have to do with me? I was cast out, I’ve made a life here, with y/n.” Loki said looking at Frigga as she sat down. “Do you truly think she will want to be with you when she finds out what you’ve done?” Thor asked looking at Loki.
“She would, she’s kind and understanding.” Loki said looking between Thor and frigga. “Your a murderer Loki, will she forgive that?” Thor asked looking at loki. “That wasn’t my intention and you know it!” Loki yelled at Thor. “Enough brother! I have a deal I wish to discuss.” He said standing up. “You will return to Asgard, assume the throne of Jotunhiem preventing war, and barter and allegiance with Asgard.” Thor said looking at him. Loki scoffed “and if I don’t, if I choose to stay here with y/n?” He asked with a smirk. Thor loomed over Loki “either do you as I ask, or now with your memories restored you’ll spend the remainder of your days in the dungeons.” He said glaring at Loki “and as far as y/n, I’m not sure how the avengers would feel about her housing a war criminal.” Thor said pacing the room. “Thor….” frigga started “enough mother, I am king, he will do as I say, won’t you Loki?” He asked looking to Loki. “You wouldn’t do that to her!” Loki yelled standing In front of Thor. “I will do what is necessary for Asgard, you would do well to heed my warning, brother.” He said stepping closer. “What shall it be?” Thor asked. Loki looked to the porch seeing you sitting with your back to him “there will be no where she can hide from them, she will be imprisoned, assumed your accomplice.” Thor said.
Loki sighed, remembering how you took care of him, showed him kindness, love. No one had ever treated him that way, but he couldn’t let you spend your life imprisoned because of him. “I will do as you ask, but I will speak with her” Loki said heading towards the door. “Brother, it would be best if you end this, as you surely won’t return.” Thor said sitting down. Loki knew what he had to do and hated himself for it. He nodded and headed outside.
He put his head in his hands as he felt the tears well in his eyes. This wasn’t him, this isn’t what he wanted anymore, he wanted you. But he had to protect you, he couldn’t let you sit in a prison cell. The look on your face when he told you he didn’t love you would haunt him. He had told many lies in his long life, but that’s the one he’ll always regret.
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Earth-
You slowly opened your eyes looking around the room. You were hugging Adam’s…….well Loki’s pillow, you had hoped it had been a nightmare, but you weren’t that lucky. You walked to the living room, it was eerily silent. Everything felt empty without him here. You went to the kitchen, making your coffee before sitting at the table. You looked at the couch, thinking of your last night with him as your eyes teared up again. Did he think you wouldn’t understand? Did he think you wouldn’t accept him?
You wiped your face, sipping your coffee. You knew you had to take care of the animals but you couldn’t get your mind straight. The way he was so cold, distant, unfeeling. When he said he didn’t love you, you felt everything in you shatter. You’ve been left before, made to pick up the pieces and move on, but it’s never physically hurt. Just breathing felt like your chest would explode. You Inhaled a shaky breath taking a drink of your coffee, you stared at it for a minute before feeling your stomach gurgle. Putting your hand on yout stomach you felt a tightening as a wave of nausea hit you.
You to the bathroom as everything in you emptied from your stomach. You sat back leaning against the wall. You rubbed your stomach, thinking the stress was making you sick. You got up washing your face and brushing your teeth before heading back to the living room. You dumped your coffee down the drain before heading to get dressed, making your way to do your chores. You walked out seeing the burnt circle on your field and walked over, kneeling next to it. You ran your fingers through the burnt grass as you felt the tears stream down your cheek.
You wiped your face, heading to the stalls. You fed and took care of them before heading to the horses. Seeing daredevil made you instantly think of him. With his long black locks, stunning features and kind soul. You walked up rubbing his nose as he nudged your hand. “Im sorry boy, I don’t think he’s coming back.” You said shakely as daredevil shifted on his feet. You leaned forward wrapping my arms around his neck hugging him. He rested his head on your back, it almost felt like a hug.
You went back to the house seeing you were low on food, you made the decision to go to town. Maybe it would help get your mind off things. you walked through the grocery store in a daze, when your cart ran into another. “I’m so sorry, I wasn’t paying attention.” You said looking up seeing Dr. Laing. “No problem, no harm done.” He smiled. “Hey, how’s mystery man doing?” He asked looking at you. “Oh, his family came and got him, so he’s gone.” You said looking down. “I see, well how are you?” He asked. “I’m ok, still just dealing with the farm.” You said looking up. “Are you feeling ok, you don’t look well.” He said. “Oh im fine, just a little stomach upset ” you smiled, but he didn’t look like he believed you. “Well if it continues come see me.” He said and you nodded. “Take care of yourself ok?” He said rubbing your arm “I will.” You said nodding.
You made it back to the house. Unloading your groceries trying to distract yourself from how empty the house felt. You made a sandwich before heading to the living room. You sat down putting on a movie. You were about halfway done when the nausea hit again, running to empty your stomach. “What is wrong with me?” You thought as you brushed your teeth and headed change. You grabbed Loki’s pillow and blanket and laid on the couch, hoping the movie would distract you long enough for sleep to find you.
Warnings: mentions of memory loss, mentions of past abuse,
Summary: life was perfect, until it wasn’t…..
Part 11-
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You woke up to your alarm. You groaned before reaching up shutting it off. You rolled over but found you were in bed alone. “Adam?” You asked into the darkness but got no answer. You got up putting on your pajamas heading to the kitchen, seeing Adam pouring coffee into your cup. You walked up behind him hugging him. “Morning love.” He said putting his hand on your arm. “I never want to wake up alone again, that was terrible.” You said hugging him tighter. “My apologies love, I just wanted to get your coffee” he said turning around to look at you. You wrapped your arms around his neck “cuddles are better then coffee” you said kissing him. “I’ll keep that in mind” he said kissing you back.
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Asgard-
Thor and frigga made their way to the bifrost. “Heimdall, I need you to locate Loki.” Thor said the the gatekeeper. “I have instructions not to allow him back into the realm your highness.” He said looking at Thor. “Odin is asleep, as I’m sure you know, and I hold the throne until he awakens. Now do as I ask.” Thor said walking closer. “I have seen the prince, I know where he is. But maybe it would be better to leave him as he is.” He said looking at frigga. “I only need know where he is, if you know, you will send us there at once.” Thor demanded. “My queen, you know what I speak of. Is he not happier now?” Heimdall asked looking at Frigga. “Send us there heimdall.” Thor said “yes my king.” He, opening the bifrost as Thor and frigga were pulled into it.
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You both got dressed heading to the animals, your fingers linked with Adam’s. You made it to the horses, seeing daredevil perk up seeing Adam. “I missed you too.” Adam said rubbing his head as he nuzzled his nose into him. “You take him for a ride, I’m going to go check the corn real quick, see if it’s ready.” You said hugging Adam. “If it is we’ll take care of it as soon as I’m done.” He said leaning down kissing you. “I love you Adam.” You said smiling at him. “I love you more.” He whispered against your lips kissing you again. You headed to the field as he took daredevil out.
You kneeled down checking the stocks, when a flash of light appeared in front of you, colors swirling around, it looked like a rainbow. You put your arm over your eyes backing up. When the light faded you saw two figures, a tall blonde man in what looked like armor and a red cape and a woman in a long blue dress. Startled you threw an ear of corn at him, watching it bounce off hitting the ground. You looked at eachother for a moment. “Lady, I am looking for my brother.” He said walking closer as you tripped landing in the ground. “Y/n!” You heard Adam yell in the distance. “Adam!” You yelled back, backing away from the massive man. “Son don’t frighten the poor girl.” The woman said walking up next to him. “My apologies lady, I only seek my brother.” He said looking at you.
You got up as Adam ran from behind you pulling you behind him. “Who are you, what do you want?’ He demanded of the man. "Brother!” The man said walking towards Adam. He backed you both up, holding onto your hand. “I have no idea who you are, you need to leave.” Adam demanded looking at man. “Oh, right. Mother” he said turning around to the woman. She slowly made her way to stand in front of Adam. “Loki, my son, all will be made clear soon.” She said looking at him. “Whose Lo…” he started when the woman put her hand on his forehead. “What are you doing, get away from him!’ You yelled rushing the woman as the larger man grabbed your arm. You saw Adam’s eyes glow white as she whispered something. "Leave him alone!’ You yelled again struggling against the man. His eyes closed as she released him, you pulled away from the man rushing to Adam’s side. "Are you ok? What did she do?” You asked looking him over. He kept his eyes closed holding his head. “Adam answer me please.” You said grabbing his arm.
He opened his eyes, his emeralds meeting yours “I am not Adam, I am Loki, of Asgard.” He said calmly. “What’s Asgard, please tell me what’s going on!’ You yelled starting to panic. "He is prince of Asgard and the rightful king of Jotunhiem.” The blonde man said coming up next to you. “What is Jotunhiem?” You asked looking at him. “It is an ice planet, where the frost giants live.” He said. Your mind was reeling, nothing was making sense. “Thor, what are you and mother doing here?” Loki asked backing away from you. “Let us go inside and we can discuss it.” Frigga said looking at Loki.
They turned to the house leaving you standing there. Asgard, Jotunhiem, frost giant, none of it made sense. As you slowly made your way to the house you felt the heaviness in your chest, this sinking feeling that was overwhelming you. You sat on the porch staring into the distance while they were in the house. You watched as the sun began to set, the anxiety running through you when you heard the door open, and Loki sat on the opposite side of the steps from you, putting as much distance as possible between you. Your heart sank.
“Lady y/n.” He started, you closed your eyes at the formality of the name, was your Adam gone? You put your head down listening “I just wanted to explain, if I can, my brother and mother, Thor and frigga, have come to take me home.” He said fidgeting with his hands. “My…..Odin……stripped me of my memories and sent me here as punishment for my crimes, my mother has restored them.” He said looking out to the field. You lifted your head looking at him “Ad…..Loki, do you remember everything since coming here? With me?” You asked nervously. He put his head down nodding.
“So do you……do you still love me?” You hesitated. He looked at you, you could see the affection in his eyes, until it changed, he seemed distant, cold “that’s not who I am lady y/n, that man you found, I’m not him.” He said looking at you. “Yes it is, your more him then anything else. That Is you in here.” You said pointing at your heart. “That man I found in the field, that is who you are, not king of wherever that was, or prince of whatever, just plain and simple you, the man I fell in love with.” You said, feeling the tears welling in your eyes. “Lady y/n” he started “Don’t call me that, please.” You said scooting closer. He sighed “you have no idea what I’ve done, why I was cast out.” He said looking down “and I don’t care! I fell in love with you, all of you, that doesn’t matter.” You said reaching for his hand but he pulled it away.
Your heart sank, you looked into his eyes “was what we had nothing?” You asked looking at him. “Y/n I have been offered a pardon, and the promise of the throne that is rightfully mine.” He said stiffening. “Then I’ll come with you.” You said “you cant, you would die.” He said plainly “humans cannot go to where I am from.” He said looking out. Reality was starting to set in, this was more important to him. “Aren’t you human?” You asked looking at him. He snapped his head to look at you “I am a God, I will outlive you. Your existence is finite to mine.” He said going to stand, but you grabbed his hand. “Please, please don’t do this I love you! Don’t you love me?” You asked looking into his eyes. “I have to return home, and you must stay here. We cannot be together, I’m sorry y/n.” He said getting up. You jumped to your feet “tell me, tell me you don’t love me and what we had meant nothing to you!” You demanded. He stopped and turned to look at you. His eyes softened for a second before the cold facade returned. He stood straight looking you In the eye “I do not.” He said. You felt your heart shatter as the tears rolled down your cheek “you don’t mean that, you love me I know you do, and I love you.” You said stepping closer. “Y/n, it was a fling, nothing more. And now I must take my place among my people.” He said.
“But lo….” you started “enough y/n! You need to accept that this is how things are.” He said. “Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to get my things, I must leave soon” he said going into the house. You sank to the floor, pulling your knees to your chest. He was leaving, you meant nothing to him. You put your head on your knees, unable to stop your sobs. You heard the door open and you looked up seeing loki in a green and black leather outfit, similar to the one you found him in. “I realized nothing in there is mine.” He said clearing his throat. You saw the man and woman come out of the house looking at you. “I got all of that for you, you can take it of you want.” You said sniffling, wiping a tear away. “That’s not necessary.” He said, straightening, fixing his outfit. “Come brother, we must go.” You heard the other man, Thor say. You looked up at loki as he looked at you “goodbye lady y/n.” He nodded and turned walking down the steps toward the field. The woman, frigga, knelt down next to you “I am sorry my dear, I know you love him.” She said. You looked at her, tears in your eyes “if you knew you wouldn’t have convinced him to leave.” You said burying your head in your knees. You felt her touch your head “I truly am sorry.” She whispered as you felt her get up.
You looked up as they stood in the field, you got up rushing down the steps towards them. You lunged at loki, wrapping your arms around his neck, you felt him stiffen as you hugged him. “I’ll always love you.” You whispered into his hair as you let go backing up. You saw his eyes begin to water, but before he could say anything they were engulfed in the rainbow light, and then they were gone, leaving you alone in the field. You went back to the house, making your way to Loki’s room, running your hand through his clothes in the closet, gently sitting on the bed, seeing his book on the night stand. You grabbed his pillow, hugging it you, it smelled like him. You laid down, letting the sadness wash over you. He left, he was gone, and he wasn’t coming back. As reality hit you you sobbed into his pillow, hoping the void of sleep would take you soon.
Warnings: swearing, teasing, sexual innuendos, nothing too bad to start
Summary: your an avenger, one of earth hero’s, confident in who you are and what you want, until a God started getting under your skin.
*avengers au, Loki and Thor make it back to earth after ragnarok, and are living in stark tower.
Part 1-
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You had joined the avengers a couple years ago, shortly after the attack on New York, being recruited by none other then black widow. You had been on your own for most of your life, being left with a foster family you took off, deciding the only person you could rely on was yourself. She had seen you one day when you a few guys decided it would be fun to harass you. She was coming over to help you when she saw you take down all three by yourself. She came over, saying you had potential and asked you to join. “Why not.” You had said looking at her.
You kept to yourself mostly, not really wanting to make friends, but slowly they started to grow on you. Everytime bucky and sam got In a fight you couldn’t help laugh, or everytime Steve irritated Tony, you couldn’t help watch the madness unfold on the occasion you made it down to the lab. That’s where you had met Matt, he was a lab tech that worked with Bruce and Tony. A year into you being at the tower he had asked you out. You had told him no a few times, not wanting to get that close with anyone but he was persistent. Always sending you flowers, complimenting you, trying to make small talk. you decided to give him a shot, he was nice, and pretty cute. Tall and on the thinner side, with short blonde hair that curled all over his head, glasses and a killer smile.
You had been seeing Matt for a couple of weeks when Thor came to the tower, explaining that Asgard had been destroyed and they had to come to earth. You were sitting on the couch in the common room with Matt when Thor had come in, a tall dark haired man following behind him. You knew who he was, everyone did. “Y/n, this is my brother Loki, he’s going to be staying with us in the tower.” Thor smiled at you. You looked up at him “Hello Thor….Loki.” You said nodding at Loki as he stood there with his arms crossed. “Anyone told you it’s not polite to stare?” You asked looking at Loki. His eyes squinting at you “no one that mattered.” He said glaring. “And who is this?” Thor asked breaking you from your staring contest “this is my boyfriend Matt, Matt this is Thor and his brother.” You said looking at Thor. “Hi, nice to meet you both.” Matt said standing holding his hand out to them shaking Thor’s hand, while Loki glared at it. You got up grabbing Matt’s arm “ignore him, he has issues.” You said pulling Matt away.
Loki stared at you as you left “Well brother, it seems you may have met your match.” Thor laughed slapping Loki’s shoulder. He hummed before Thor drug him off to meet the rest of the team. You had developed a hate, dislike relationship with the God. Wherever he was, snide remarks followed. You both always falling into insults and rude comments around eachother. You couldn’t even be paired on missions because you made everyone miserable. You would have tried to get along with him If he wasn’t so insufferable.
So here you stood, a year later, standing in the kitchen making tea as the ignorant jerk made his way in. “Y/n, why are you up so late? Your pathetic boyfriend not satisfying you?” He asked smirking at you “and that’s my cue to leave.” You said grabbing your tea starting to leave. “You know where to find me if you want a real man.” He said making you stop. You turned around looking at him, he was leaned against the counter, arms crossed with a smile on his face. You slowly walked over to him looking him up and down “does it even still work? With all the women you bring to the tower I’m surprised it hasn’t fallen off.” You said glaring at him. His smile dropped as he stood up walking towards you “I would watch how you speak to me.” He said squinting his eyes at you. “Whatever you say princess.” You said starting to go back to your room when a woman came out of Loki’s room.
“Lokiiii baby where are you?” She screeched, her voice piercing your ears. “There’s one of them now.” You said leaving going to your room. You sat your tea down and threw yourself on the bed. A part of you wished that you got along with him, that you could have been friends with him. If you were being honest with yourself, a part of you thought he was attractive, beautiful even. The way his hair curled at the ends making you want to twirl it around your finger, the way his green eyes seemed to glow, the way his muscles flexed when you caught glimpses during training. You may have had a little crush on him, but there was no way anyone was going to find out, ever.
Warnings: swearing, all the fluff, smut, fluffy smut- its smuffy, that’s a thing right? Lol
Sunmary: you had settled down with loki in yout new life, and couldn’t be happier.
Epilogue-
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5 years later-
You washed your hands as you finished dinner. Turning everything off you went to the porch “guys, time for dinner!!” You yelled to the field. Seeing Loki wave you went back inside. Setting the plates down on the table as they came in. “Hey, Adam, you know you need to wash your hands first.” You said looking at your son. “Yes mom.” He said running to the bathroom. You felt Loki come up behind you, wrapping his long arms around your waist. “When are we going to work on our second?” He whispered in your ear. “Loki stop, he’ll be back in a second.” You said turning and slapping his chest. “I can’t help what you do to me love.” He said leaning down kissing you. You pulled back looking at him “behave…sir.” whispering the last part as you felt his arms squeeze tighter. “All done!” Adam yelled coming back to the table. You pulled away from Loki winking as you sat and ate.
You were laying in bed reading as Loki came in, closing your door. “He’s finally asleep, he didn’t want me to stop reading to him.” He laughed grabbing his pajamas. “Well you do have a beautiful voice.” You said setting your book down, seeing a slight blush on his cheeks. He climbed in bed laying next to you “what were we talking about earlier, oh that’s right.” He said, leaning forward kissing you. You turned your head, deepening the kiss as his tongue ran across your lip. You opened your mouth, letting his tongue massage yours. His hand making its way to the hem of your shirt. You moaned in his mouth as he slid his hand up cupping your breast, running his thumb over your nipple. He broke the kiss, moving to your neck “I need you y/n, I need to feel you.” He whispered nibbling your ear. “Take me…..sir.” you whispered into his hair. You heard him growl as he moved on top of you, pulling your shirt off throwing it across the room.
He leaned down his tongue diving back into your mouth, you slid your hand into his hair as the other gripped his back, slowly moving to grip his cheek, pulling him into you. “Eager are we?” He laughed kissing down your neck towards your chest. “Loki please…..” you sighed as he circled your nipple with his tongue. “Tell me what you need y/n.” He said sucking it into his mouth. You moaned as you felt his other hand reaching your core, his fingers gently opening you up. “You…..I need you…..my king.” You sighed moving your hips with his hand. “Anything for you love.” He said getting up removing his pants, slowly pulling yours down. He climbed back up to you, spreading your knees, settling between them.
You both moaned as he slowly slid inside you. “Norns, you feel like heaven.” He said resting his head on yours. “So do you.” You sighed as he bottomed out, taking a minute to adjust. He leaned on his elbows kissing you deeply as he slowly started to move. You slid both hands down his back, he moaned into your mouth as you firmly grabbed his cheeks, pulling him into you. He rested his forehead on your as he pulled out and you pulled him back in. He adjusted his weight as his hand went to your hip, pulling it up towards him with every thrust. You felt him adjust his angle and start hitting that one spot in you that drove you over the top. Your breath mixed together as he titled his head kissing you again. You moaned he thrust particular hard, hitting that spot. “God Loki……I’m……” you tried but your brain couldn’t form words as you felt the coil in your stomach tighten. “Come y/n, come for your king.” He growled as he thrust harder. You looked into his eyes as you came, holding him tight to you. He followed right after, feeling him filling you up.
He stilled inside as you both panted, trying to catch your breath. You looked up at him smiled, his lips swollen, hair a mess, he was perfect. You reached up, brushing his hair away from his face as he smiled at you. “You are so beautiful y/n.” He said rubbing his thumb on your cheek. He went to move but you grabbed onto him “no, not yet please. I want to feel you.” You said looking at him. He settled back smiling at you. “May I ask you something love?” He asked looking at you. “Anything.” You said running your fingers up and down his arms. “Well, you know how I told you my lifespan is longer then….yours.” he said looking down. You nodded waiting. “Well, before I came back, my mother gave me something, that I want to give you.” He said looking at you. “What is it?” You asked. He held put his hand as a green light shown from it and a small box appeared. “I’ll never get tired of that.” You smiled making him laugh.
“I want to spend eternity with you love, always and forever.” He said handing it to you. You awkwardly opened the box, looking inside “you gave me an apple?” You asked looking confused. “It’s not just and Apple, it’s one of idunns apples.” He said taking it out of the box handing to you. “Whose idunn, and why does she have golden apples?” You asked looking at it. “That’s not the point, the point is, if you eat it, you’ll live as long as me.” He said cupping your cheek. “You gave me a magic apple? Good magic right, not like snow white where she..” you trailed off pretending to sleep. He laughed looking at you “Yes, Good magic. We can be together forever.” He said smiling at you. You turned it in your hand looking at it. “What about Adam?” You asked looking at him. “When he is old enough to decide, he will have the same choice.” He said looking at you. “I understand if you need to think it over, or don’t want to, it’s a big choice and..” you stopped his rambling by kissing him. Pulling back looking into his eyes, you took a bite. “It doesn’t taste very good.” You said swallowing. He laughed kissing you.
“Loki, I want nothing more then to spend eternity with you.” You said finishing the apple. “Do I need to eat the core too, I will.” You said laughing “no, that’s not necessary” he laughed throwing it to the floor. You cupped his cheeks in your hands staring into his eyes “I love you Loki, I always will.” You said smiling. “I love you more y/n, and I always will.” He said leaning down kissing you.
well, we reached the end. Thank you all ao much for reading, commenting, reblogging, all of that. You guys are amazing!!!! Love you all
Warnings: imprisonment, swearing, sadness, mentions of pregnancy.
Summary: Loki sits on his cell as the hopelessness consumes him, as you confirmed the sell of the farm.
Part 16-
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Asgard-
Loki wasn’t sure how long he had been there, sitting on the floor, back against the wall, waiting for whatever was to come. Would he be sent back to Jotunhiem, or sentenced to life in this cell. He thought back to you, how your smile warmed his heart, when you hugged him he felt complete, loved. This place wasn’t home, you were. He wondered how you were doing, if you were safe, did you miss him as much as he missed you. He felt the tears stream down his cheeks, remembering the mornings you were snuggled up next to him, the way you comforted him, your kindness.
He brought his knees up to his chest, wrapping his arms around them, laying his head on his arms. He never wanted any of this, he only wanted you. He heard a sound from outside his cell, lifting his head, he saw someone there. “What do you want?” He asked, venom lacing his tone. “I am only here to talk.” He said coming closer. “What Is there to discuss, I’m where I belong am i not?” He asked looking at the figure. “Enough Loki!” He bellowed coming into the light. “I have spoken to Frigga about your time on Midgard, she told me of your mortal.”
Loki clenched his teeth “you will not speak of her……Odin.” he said looking up. He saw the glow of the cell drop as Odin walked in. “I have heard that she makes you happy yes?” He asked looking at Loki, he just shook his head and looked down “what does it matter, I have lost her.” Loki sighed. “Loki, I sent you to Midgard to learn the error of your ways, I thought by living amongst them you may once again find your humanity.” Odin said pacing back and forth. “I had not intended for Thor to lose his way.” He said looking to Loki. “He has been confined to his chambers until I can decide punishment for what he has done.” Odin said.
“And what is to become of me? Am I to rot in this cell?” Loki asked looking to Odin. “I have come to offer you a choice, either you can return to Jotunhiem, take up the throne and continue your rule, or you may return to Midgard, to your mortal, without the threat of repercussion.” Odin said standing in front of Loki. He stared up at him in disbelief, was he really going to let him return to you. “The choice is yours my son.” Odin said holding his hand out. “I wish to return to Midgard.” Loki said, gabbing Odin’s hand pulling him up. “Very well, Frigga is waiting at your chambers.” He said turning around. “Thank you.” Loki said looking to Odin, seeing him turn and nod slightly before leaving.
Loki ran to his chambers, seeing Frigga there “I must go immediately” he rushed inside. Looking around at his belongings he turned to Frigga “I don’t need any of this, I just need her.” He said walking towards the door. “May I accompany you to the bifrost?” She asked looking at him. He nodded and then made their way out. “Hiemdall, open the bifrost to Midgard please.” Loki said rushing in. “Yes, King Loki.” He said turning the sword. He smiled at Heimdall “just Loki.” He said as heimdall nodded. “Thank you for everything mother.” He said hugging Frigga. “Here, take this.” She said handing him a small box “what is it?” He asked looking at it “you’ll know when the time comes.” She said cupping his cheek. He tucked it into his pocket dimension before stepping back towards the lights “I love you my son” she called to him. “I love you mother.” He said smiling as the lights engulfed him.
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Earth-
You had spent the last few days packing, hiring a few guys to help you move everything to storage. You hadn’t called Dr Laing yet, but were planning to tomorrow, knowing it was your best plan to leave. You walked through your empty room, all but your clothes remained. You had put boxes in the spare room, but hadn’t been able to go in and pack everything, you thought about leaving all of it here, not wanting to be reminded of him. You walked to the now empty living room, only the couch remained. You sighed looking around, it felt cold.
You walked into the kitchen to make tea, setting the kettle on the stove, absently running your hand up and down the small bump. “It’s ok little one, we’ll be ok.” You whispered rubbing your belly. You finished making your tea, making your way to the porch, watching the sun set. You felt the tears well in your eyes as you rubbed your stomach, knowing this may be the last sunset you get to watch from this porch. You sighed finishing your tea before heading back inside. You laid on the couch, rolling over facing the back, you willed the tears away, hoping sleep would find you.
You weren’t sure how long you slept before you heard someone calling your name. You slowly opened your eyes thinking maybe you were dreaming. You rolled over, looking through the room but didn’t see anyone. You sat up rubbing your eyes as you saw someone In the hallway. You froze, who was in your house? Why were they here? You slowly got up, making your way to the front door, hoping to make it out before they saw you. “Y/n” you heard, making you freeze in your spot. You knew that voice. You slowly turned around, flipping on the light, you saw him standing there, exactly as you remembered him, his green eyes wide. “What…..what are you doing here?” You asked shakily.
He walked closer but you backed away so he stopped “y/n, I’m…….I’m sorry.” He whispered looking down. “"Why are you here!’ You yelled, feeling the lump in your throat. He looked up at you "I’ve come to apologize, I never meant to hurt you, I can explain.” He said holding his hand out but you backed away. “What is there to explain, you said enough when you left.” You said looking down. “No, please allow me to explain.” He asked looking at you. You rubbed your belly as you looked at him. “Are you unwell?” He asked watching you. “I suppose we do need to talk.” You sighed heading to the kitchen. You put the kettle on, getting two cups out setting them down. “Y/n, what is wrong?” He asked following you in. “Nothing is wrong Ad……Loki.” You sighed.
You turned to look at him, hands on your belly “Loki, I’m pregnant.” You said looking at him. He went silent, staring at you. “How long?” He asked looking at your belly. “It’s yours if that’s what your asking, I found out after you left.” You said crossing your arms. He nodded, leaning on the counter. “Don’t worry, I don’t want anything from you, I just thought you should know. And I’m selling the farm.” You said as the kettle went off. “Why?” He asked looking at you. “I can’t be here anymore. I can’t be reminded of you everyday, its too much.” You said sliding his tea to him walking out. You sat on the couch as he followed “y/n please, I’ve come back, I want to be here, I love you.” He said looking at you. “That’s not what you said when you left.” You looked at him. “I was being threatened, I had to say that to protect you, I’ve thought of nothing but you since I left.” He said coming closer. “I want to believe you, I do, but I just.” You started and were cut off when he kneeled in front of you grabbing your hands.
“Y/n, I’ve never felt like this about anyone else, only you, always you.” He said, you saw tears forming in his eyes “Please, let me explain, I’ll tell you everything.” He said looking at you. You sighed looking down “ok, go ahead.” You said looking at him. You listened as he told you about his attack on New York, how he was made to, about being sent here as punishment, how the man who came to get him threatened him. Your mind was reeling as he recounted everything. “And there’s one more thing I must tell you.” He said looking at you. He scooted closer, his torso between your knees as he closed his eyes. You watched his skin turn blue, opening his eyes to see red instead of the green you knew.
“I am a frost giant, king actually, but I abdicated, gave it up, I don’t want it. I only want you my love.” He said cupping your cheek, his skin was cold, but didn’t hurt you. “So, Loki, prince of asgard, king of Jotunhiem, adopted asgardian, and frost giant.” You said looking at him as he nodded. “I told you so.” You said tears forming in your eyes. “Told me what?” He asked “that you were a prince.” You said smiling. He smiled lunging forward, wrapping you in a hug. “I’m sorry y/n, so sorry.” He said holding you. “Please, never leave me again.” You whispered burying your face into his neck. “Never, I will die first.” He said rocking you. You sat there holding eachother “I love you…..Loki” you sighed. He buried his face in your neck, holding the back of your head “I love you more.” He sighed.
Warnings: mentions of alcohol, depression, swearing, self esteem issues.
Summary: you and loki had only been together for a couple of years, but you knew you loved him with everything in you, so you decided to ask the question.
*Loki and reader established relationship, fluff to angst. Angst with happy ending. This is my first one shot, sorry if it’s terrible lol and as always, thanks for reading!!
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You remember when Loki joined the team, dragged along by his brother Thor. The first time you met him, it was love at first site, not so much for him. Thor brought him into the common room, introducing him to everyone, you couldn’t help but stare. His long raven locks sitting just below his shoulders, curling at the ends, you wanted to touch it. His emerald eyes that could read your soul, the way he carried himself with an heir of confidence. “Ah y/n, this is my brother Loki, Loki this is y/n.” Thor had said introducing you. You held your hand out and smiled, but he crossed his arms and glared. “Brother, must I dwell with these…….mortals?” He asked looking at you. As soon as he spoke you were done for, his voice like honey to your ears. He was like a drug you needed more of.
Slowly you had broken his walls down. It took time, but you were patient. Sending him smiles when you saw him, making tea for him when you made yours, you were determined to pry your way into his heart. A few months into him being there he had pulled you aside “y/n, I was wondering if……possibly if you wanted to…….maybe…” he fidgeted with his hands. His shyness making you smile. You walked over grabbing his hands looking at him, he sighed looking at you “y/n, could I court you?” He had asked and you couldn’t have been happier, jumping into his arms “yes!” You yelled, grabbing a few glances from your team mates as you smiled at eachother. You smiled at the memories as you walked through the shop, picking out the perfect gift. It was your anniversary, and had the perfect evening planned. You loved him entirely and only ever wanted to be with him, and It was time to show him.
You sat across from Loki at the resteraunt. Him wearing his all black suit you wanted nothing more then to rip off of him. You held hands across the table as you ate dinner, enjoying the evening. When dinner was finished you knew it was now or never. “Loki, there’s something I wanted to ask you.” You said looking at him. “Anything y/n.” He said smiling at you. “Well, we’ve been together two years now, and I’ve never been happier, I love you so much.” You said looking into his eyes “I love you too y/n.” He said squeezing your hand. You pulled the small box from your purse “Loki laufeyson, will you marry me?” You asked smiling, opening the box to reveal a silver ring with a green inner bad wrapping around it. You saw the smile fall from his face as he looked between you and the ring. He hadn’t said anything and you were getting nervous. “Loki, say something please” you said setting the box on the table. He pulled his hand back setting it on his lap, dread beginning to fill you. “Y/n, I don’t know what to say.” He said in a monotone voice, staring at the ring. “You could say yes.” You joked smiling at him. He looked at you, silent for a moment “y/n, I can’t.” He said plainly. “Why not?” You asked him. “I just……I can’t.” He said.
“Can’t or won’t?” You asked looking at him. His silence told you everything. You cleared your throat “I should go.” You said grabbing your purse. “Y/n wait….” he said reaching for you, you stopped and looked at him. “I do love you y/n, but I can’t….” he tried, going silent. “But you can’t marry me. I know I’m just a mortal, but I thought for once I would be enough.” You said, sniffling, refusing to cry in front of him. “Y/n ..” he started but you cut him off “it’s fine Loki, its my fault. i was stupid enough to believe i was worthy of you, but I never will be will i?.” You said getting up. “I won’t bother you again.” You said quickly leaving the resteraunt before your tears fell.
You made it back to the tower, thankful Loki hadn’t followed you. You grabbed a few boxes, packing up what you could from your shared room, wiping your tears as you went. You grabbed your clothes from your side of the closet, heading to one of the vacant rooms. You headed back running into Thor “Lady y/n, what’s the matter?” He asked. “Your brother that’s what.” You said storming past him. You threw the rest of your things in the boxes as you started to move everything before Loki got back. “But y/n, I thought you and my brother were happy.” He said following you. “Yeah, so did i.” You said moving around him. “Either help me or leave please, I need to hurry and get this done.” You said making sure you grabbed everything.
Thor walked in grabbing one of your boxes following you to the other room. You made one more trip, making sure you had everything before shutting the door grabbing a bottle of wine and heading to your new room. “I am sorry about whatever happened between you and Loki, I will speak with him.” Thor said starting to leave. “Don’t bother, I’m not worth the trouble.” You sighed sitting at the end of the bed. “Lady y/n, i…” he started before you cut him off “please Thor, just leave.” You sighed hanging your head. As you heard the door click shut, you let the tears fall.
Loki had made it back to the tower, hoping to talk to you about what happened, but when he got to your room, he saw your things gone. He ran to the closet seeing your clothes gone. “Y/n!” He called out, checking the bathroom but you weren’t there. He ran and checked the common area, the library, the kitchen, but couldn’t find you. He ran to Thor’s room hoping he had seen you coming back “brother, have you seen y/n, I can’t find her.” He asked Thor. “Yes I’ve seen her, what did you do?” He asked crossing his arms. Loki sighed “she asked me to marry her and I said no.” He said looking down. “Why would you say no. I thought you were happy.” Thor asked. “I am! I love her, truly. But she doesn’t know what I am, how could she ever love a monster.” Loki said fidgeting with his hands. “You didn’t even give her a chance Loki, she would have understood. You should have trusted her.” Thor said shaking his head. “The only one who thinks your a monster is you, and until you can accept yourself, you’ll always be afraid.” Thor said. “Give her some space, she was rather upset when I saw her.” He said. “May I come in?” Loki asked. Thor nodded, moving aside to let Loki in.
It had been a week and no one had seen you. They tried knocking on your door but you kept it locked, not answering. only sneaking out when you knew everyone was asleep or gone to get more wine or whatever alcohol Tony had lying around. Trash littered your room, clothes all over the floor. You didn’t have the energy to pick them up. You stumbled out of your room, completely trashed, looking for Tony’s stash of alcohol to numb the pain. The tower was eerily silent, maybe everyone was gone. You found a half a bottle of scotch, taking a swig you decided it would be a good idea to go to the roof and look at the stars. You dragged yourself to the elevator, knocking into the wall a few times before making it. You got to the roof, realizing you were in your sleep shorts and tank top as the cold air hit you. You shrugged, taking another drink stumbling out.
You made it to the edge, standing on your toes looking over the wall down to the street. “Y/n!” You heard someone yell your name. You looked up trying to find the source of the voice. “Get away from there!” You heard it again, along with what sounded like someone running. “Whose there?” You slurred unable to focus as a hand gripped your wrist. You tried pulling away but you couldn’t get loose. “Let go of me!” You yelled at the voice. “What are you doing y/n?” You heard. You sighed “looking at the pretty stars, they twinkle like my Loki’s eyes.” You said tearing up. You put your head down “you see, i love him, but he doesn’t love me.” You said sniffling. “I’m sure that’s not true.” The voice said “yes it is! I was stupid, asked him to marry me, of course he said no, why wouldn’t he.” You said wiping your face. “Y/n, let’s get you to bed.” The voice said. “I don’t want to sleep, I’ll dream about him.” You said trying to sit down but were lifted up. “Shh it’s ok y/n, I’ve got you.” The voice said. “Your soft.” You hummed as your eyes drifted closed.
You slowly opened your eyes as the sun hit your face, making your head pound. You turned your head to see Loki sitting in a chair next to the bed, his eyes on you. “Go away Loki.” You huffed, moving to get out of bed. “Y/n, wait, please.” He said moving to in front of you. “I have nothing to say to you” you said trying to get up “well I have something to say to you.” He said placing his hands on your shoulders. “What is is?” You sighed holding your head. He handed you a cup of coffee and some pain meds before sitting back down. “Y/n, I would like to explain myself about why I told you no.” He said looking at you. “I don’t want to hear it.” You said shaking your head, starting to get up. “Well I want you to.” He said firmly. You looked at him and sat back down.
“The reason I said no, wasn’t because I don’t love you, I do, it’s because of my parentage, what I am.” He sighed looking down. “Asgardian, I already know that” you said looking at him. “No, I’m not asgardian.” He said looking at you. “What are you talking about Loki?” You asked getting frustrated. He sighed closing his eyes. You watched as his skin turned blue, ridges forming on his skin. He slowly opened his eyes, seeing his emerald eyes turning dark red. You sat there, unsure what to say. “I am a frost giant y/n, a monster, and I was afraid you would be frightened of me, that is why I said no” he said looking down. You scooted closer, looking at him. He looked the same but…..different. “Look at me please.” You said. His eyes meeting yours, you gazed into them. “Loki, regardless of what you are, you are still you, you always will be, I don’t care if you were a troll, I’d still love you.” You sighed. “I’m sorry y/n, I should have trusted you, I should have told you” he said shaking his head. “It’s ok Loki, I understand.” You said looking at him.
He leaned down, kneeling in front of you grabbing your hands “y/n, I love you with everything in me, I never want to lose you, I would be honored to be your husband.” He said pulling a box out of his pocket, be opened it revealing a silver banded ring, with an emerald in the middle, diamonds surrounding it. “If you still want me.” He said holding the ring out to you. You felt the tears in your eyes as you looked at him “I will always want you Loki.” You said lunging at him, hugging him. “Is that a yes?” He asked hugging you back. You laughed pulling back “Yes, Yes it is.” You smiled kissing him. He held your hand putting the ring on your finger, noticing him wearing the one you got him. You grabbed his hand “have you been wearing it?” You asked looking at him. “Since that night, yes.” He said holding your hand. You smiled at eachother, pulling him into another hug “I love you Loki.” You said sighing. “I love you too y/n.” He said.
