Warnings: imprisonment, swearing, sadness, mentions of pregnancy.
Summary: Loki sits on his cell as the hopelessness consumes him, as you confirmed the sell of the farm.
Part 16-
====================================
Asgard-
Loki wasn’t sure how long he had been there, sitting on the floor, back against the wall, waiting for whatever was to come. Would he be sent back to Jotunhiem, or sentenced to life in this cell. He thought back to you, how your smile warmed his heart, when you hugged him he felt complete, loved. This place wasn’t home, you were. He wondered how you were doing, if you were safe, did you miss him as much as he missed you. He felt the tears stream down his cheeks, remembering the mornings you were snuggled up next to him, the way you comforted him, your kindness.
He brought his knees up to his chest, wrapping his arms around them, laying his head on his arms. He never wanted any of this, he only wanted you. He heard a sound from outside his cell, lifting his head, he saw someone there. “What do you want?” He asked, venom lacing his tone. “I am only here to talk.” He said coming closer. “What Is there to discuss, I’m where I belong am i not?” He asked looking at the figure. “Enough Loki!” He bellowed coming into the light. “I have spoken to Frigga about your time on Midgard, she told me of your mortal.”
Loki clenched his teeth “you will not speak of her……Odin.” he said looking up. He saw the glow of the cell drop as Odin walked in. “I have heard that she makes you happy yes?” He asked looking at Loki, he just shook his head and looked down “what does it matter, I have lost her.” Loki sighed. “Loki, I sent you to Midgard to learn the error of your ways, I thought by living amongst them you may once again find your humanity.” Odin said pacing back and forth. “I had not intended for Thor to lose his way.” He said looking to Loki. “He has been confined to his chambers until I can decide punishment for what he has done.” Odin said.
“And what is to become of me? Am I to rot in this cell?” Loki asked looking to Odin. “I have come to offer you a choice, either you can return to Jotunhiem, take up the throne and continue your rule, or you may return to Midgard, to your mortal, without the threat of repercussion.” Odin said standing in front of Loki. He stared up at him in disbelief, was he really going to let him return to you. “The choice is yours my son.” Odin said holding his hand out. “I wish to return to Midgard.” Loki said, gabbing Odin’s hand pulling him up. “Very well, Frigga is waiting at your chambers.” He said turning around. “Thank you.” Loki said looking to Odin, seeing him turn and nod slightly before leaving.
Loki ran to his chambers, seeing Frigga there “I must go immediately” he rushed inside. Looking around at his belongings he turned to Frigga “I don’t need any of this, I just need her.” He said walking towards the door. “May I accompany you to the bifrost?” She asked looking at him. He nodded and then made their way out. “Hiemdall, open the bifrost to Midgard please.” Loki said rushing in. “Yes, King Loki.” He said turning the sword. He smiled at Heimdall “just Loki.” He said as heimdall nodded. “Thank you for everything mother.” He said hugging Frigga. “Here, take this.” She said handing him a small box “what is it?” He asked looking at it “you’ll know when the time comes.” She said cupping his cheek. He tucked it into his pocket dimension before stepping back towards the lights “I love you my son” she called to him. “I love you mother.” He said smiling as the lights engulfed him.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Earth-
You had spent the last few days packing, hiring a few guys to help you move everything to storage. You hadn’t called Dr Laing yet, but were planning to tomorrow, knowing it was your best plan to leave. You walked through your empty room, all but your clothes remained. You had put boxes in the spare room, but hadn’t been able to go in and pack everything, you thought about leaving all of it here, not wanting to be reminded of him. You walked to the now empty living room, only the couch remained. You sighed looking around, it felt cold.
You walked into the kitchen to make tea, setting the kettle on the stove, absently running your hand up and down the small bump. “It’s ok little one, we’ll be ok.” You whispered rubbing your belly. You finished making your tea, making your way to the porch, watching the sun set. You felt the tears well in your eyes as you rubbed your stomach, knowing this may be the last sunset you get to watch from this porch. You sighed finishing your tea before heading back inside. You laid on the couch, rolling over facing the back, you willed the tears away, hoping sleep would find you.
You weren’t sure how long you slept before you heard someone calling your name. You slowly opened your eyes thinking maybe you were dreaming. You rolled over, looking through the room but didn’t see anyone. You sat up rubbing your eyes as you saw someone In the hallway. You froze, who was in your house? Why were they here? You slowly got up, making your way to the front door, hoping to make it out before they saw you. “Y/n” you heard, making you freeze in your spot. You knew that voice. You slowly turned around, flipping on the light, you saw him standing there, exactly as you remembered him, his green eyes wide. “What…..what are you doing here?” You asked shakily.
He walked closer but you backed away so he stopped “y/n, I’m…….I’m sorry.” He whispered looking down. “"Why are you here!’ You yelled, feeling the lump in your throat. He looked up at you "I’ve come to apologize, I never meant to hurt you, I can explain.” He said holding his hand out but you backed away. “What is there to explain, you said enough when you left.” You said looking down. “No, please allow me to explain.” He asked looking at you. You rubbed your belly as you looked at him. “Are you unwell?” He asked watching you. “I suppose we do need to talk.” You sighed heading to the kitchen. You put the kettle on, getting two cups out setting them down. “Y/n, what is wrong?” He asked following you in. “Nothing is wrong Ad……Loki.” You sighed.
You turned to look at him, hands on your belly “Loki, I’m pregnant.” You said looking at him. He went silent, staring at you. “How long?” He asked looking at your belly. “It’s yours if that’s what your asking, I found out after you left.” You said crossing your arms. He nodded, leaning on the counter. “Don’t worry, I don’t want anything from you, I just thought you should know. And I’m selling the farm.” You said as the kettle went off. “Why?” He asked looking at you. “I can’t be here anymore. I can’t be reminded of you everyday, its too much.” You said sliding his tea to him walking out. You sat on the couch as he followed “y/n please, I’ve come back, I want to be here, I love you.” He said looking at you. “That’s not what you said when you left.” You looked at him. “I was being threatened, I had to say that to protect you, I’ve thought of nothing but you since I left.” He said coming closer. “I want to believe you, I do, but I just.” You started and were cut off when he kneeled in front of you grabbing your hands.
“Y/n, I’ve never felt like this about anyone else, only you, always you.” He said, you saw tears forming in his eyes “Please, let me explain, I’ll tell you everything.” He said looking at you. You sighed looking down “ok, go ahead.” You said looking at him. You listened as he told you about his attack on New York, how he was made to, about being sent here as punishment, how the man who came to get him threatened him. Your mind was reeling as he recounted everything. “And there’s one more thing I must tell you.” He said looking at you. He scooted closer, his torso between your knees as he closed his eyes. You watched his skin turn blue, opening his eyes to see red instead of the green you knew.
“I am a frost giant, king actually, but I abdicated, gave it up, I don’t want it. I only want you my love.” He said cupping your cheek, his skin was cold, but didn’t hurt you. “So, Loki, prince of asgard, king of Jotunhiem, adopted asgardian, and frost giant.” You said looking at him as he nodded. “I told you so.” You said tears forming in your eyes. “Told me what?” He asked “that you were a prince.” You said smiling. He smiled lunging forward, wrapping you in a hug. “I’m sorry y/n, so sorry.” He said holding you. “Please, never leave me again.” You whispered burying your face into his neck. “Never, I will die first.” He said rocking you. You sat there holding eachother “I love you…..Loki” you sighed. He buried his face in your neck, holding the back of your head “I love you more.” He sighed.
Warnings: mentions of alcohol, depression, swearing, self esteem issues.
Summary: you and loki had only been together for a couple of years, but you knew you loved him with everything in you, so you decided to ask the question.
*Loki and reader established relationship, fluff to angst. Angst with happy ending. This is my first one shot, sorry if it’s terrible lol and as always, thanks for reading!!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
You remember when Loki joined the team, dragged along by his brother Thor. The first time you met him, it was love at first site, not so much for him. Thor brought him into the common room, introducing him to everyone, you couldn’t help but stare. His long raven locks sitting just below his shoulders, curling at the ends, you wanted to touch it. His emerald eyes that could read your soul, the way he carried himself with an heir of confidence. “Ah y/n, this is my brother Loki, Loki this is y/n.” Thor had said introducing you. You held your hand out and smiled, but he crossed his arms and glared. “Brother, must I dwell with these…….mortals?” He asked looking at you. As soon as he spoke you were done for, his voice like honey to your ears. He was like a drug you needed more of.
Slowly you had broken his walls down. It took time, but you were patient. Sending him smiles when you saw him, making tea for him when you made yours, you were determined to pry your way into his heart. A few months into him being there he had pulled you aside “y/n, I was wondering if……possibly if you wanted to…….maybe…” he fidgeted with his hands. His shyness making you smile. You walked over grabbing his hands looking at him, he sighed looking at you “y/n, could I court you?” He had asked and you couldn’t have been happier, jumping into his arms “yes!” You yelled, grabbing a few glances from your team mates as you smiled at eachother. You smiled at the memories as you walked through the shop, picking out the perfect gift. It was your anniversary, and had the perfect evening planned. You loved him entirely and only ever wanted to be with him, and It was time to show him.
You sat across from Loki at the resteraunt. Him wearing his all black suit you wanted nothing more then to rip off of him. You held hands across the table as you ate dinner, enjoying the evening. When dinner was finished you knew it was now or never. “Loki, there’s something I wanted to ask you.” You said looking at him. “Anything y/n.” He said smiling at you. “Well, we’ve been together two years now, and I’ve never been happier, I love you so much.” You said looking into his eyes “I love you too y/n.” He said squeezing your hand. You pulled the small box from your purse “Loki laufeyson, will you marry me?” You asked smiling, opening the box to reveal a silver ring with a green inner bad wrapping around it. You saw the smile fall from his face as he looked between you and the ring. He hadn’t said anything and you were getting nervous. “Loki, say something please” you said setting the box on the table. He pulled his hand back setting it on his lap, dread beginning to fill you. “Y/n, I don’t know what to say.” He said in a monotone voice, staring at the ring. “You could say yes.” You joked smiling at him. He looked at you, silent for a moment “y/n, I can’t.” He said plainly. “Why not?” You asked him. “I just……I can’t.” He said.
“Can’t or won’t?” You asked looking at him. His silence told you everything. You cleared your throat “I should go.” You said grabbing your purse. “Y/n wait….” he said reaching for you, you stopped and looked at him. “I do love you y/n, but I can’t….” he tried, going silent. “But you can’t marry me. I know I’m just a mortal, but I thought for once I would be enough.” You said, sniffling, refusing to cry in front of him. “Y/n ..” he started but you cut him off “it’s fine Loki, its my fault. i was stupid enough to believe i was worthy of you, but I never will be will i?.” You said getting up. “I won’t bother you again.” You said quickly leaving the resteraunt before your tears fell.
You made it back to the tower, thankful Loki hadn’t followed you. You grabbed a few boxes, packing up what you could from your shared room, wiping your tears as you went. You grabbed your clothes from your side of the closet, heading to one of the vacant rooms. You headed back running into Thor “Lady y/n, what’s the matter?” He asked. “Your brother that’s what.” You said storming past him. You threw the rest of your things in the boxes as you started to move everything before Loki got back. “But y/n, I thought you and my brother were happy.” He said following you. “Yeah, so did i.” You said moving around him. “Either help me or leave please, I need to hurry and get this done.” You said making sure you grabbed everything.
Thor walked in grabbing one of your boxes following you to the other room. You made one more trip, making sure you had everything before shutting the door grabbing a bottle of wine and heading to your new room. “I am sorry about whatever happened between you and Loki, I will speak with him.” Thor said starting to leave. “Don’t bother, I’m not worth the trouble.” You sighed sitting at the end of the bed. “Lady y/n, i…” he started before you cut him off “please Thor, just leave.” You sighed hanging your head. As you heard the door click shut, you let the tears fall.
Loki had made it back to the tower, hoping to talk to you about what happened, but when he got to your room, he saw your things gone. He ran to the closet seeing your clothes gone. “Y/n!” He called out, checking the bathroom but you weren’t there. He ran and checked the common area, the library, the kitchen, but couldn’t find you. He ran to Thor’s room hoping he had seen you coming back “brother, have you seen y/n, I can’t find her.” He asked Thor. “Yes I’ve seen her, what did you do?” He asked crossing his arms. Loki sighed “she asked me to marry her and I said no.” He said looking down. “Why would you say no. I thought you were happy.” Thor asked. “I am! I love her, truly. But she doesn’t know what I am, how could she ever love a monster.” Loki said fidgeting with his hands. “You didn’t even give her a chance Loki, she would have understood. You should have trusted her.” Thor said shaking his head. “The only one who thinks your a monster is you, and until you can accept yourself, you’ll always be afraid.” Thor said. “Give her some space, she was rather upset when I saw her.” He said. “May I come in?” Loki asked. Thor nodded, moving aside to let Loki in.
It had been a week and no one had seen you. They tried knocking on your door but you kept it locked, not answering. only sneaking out when you knew everyone was asleep or gone to get more wine or whatever alcohol Tony had lying around. Trash littered your room, clothes all over the floor. You didn’t have the energy to pick them up. You stumbled out of your room, completely trashed, looking for Tony’s stash of alcohol to numb the pain. The tower was eerily silent, maybe everyone was gone. You found a half a bottle of scotch, taking a swig you decided it would be a good idea to go to the roof and look at the stars. You dragged yourself to the elevator, knocking into the wall a few times before making it. You got to the roof, realizing you were in your sleep shorts and tank top as the cold air hit you. You shrugged, taking another drink stumbling out.
You made it to the edge, standing on your toes looking over the wall down to the street. “Y/n!” You heard someone yell your name. You looked up trying to find the source of the voice. “Get away from there!” You heard it again, along with what sounded like someone running. “Whose there?” You slurred unable to focus as a hand gripped your wrist. You tried pulling away but you couldn’t get loose. “Let go of me!” You yelled at the voice. “What are you doing y/n?” You heard. You sighed “looking at the pretty stars, they twinkle like my Loki’s eyes.” You said tearing up. You put your head down “you see, i love him, but he doesn’t love me.” You said sniffling. “I’m sure that’s not true.” The voice said “yes it is! I was stupid, asked him to marry me, of course he said no, why wouldn’t he.” You said wiping your face. “Y/n, let’s get you to bed.” The voice said. “I don’t want to sleep, I’ll dream about him.” You said trying to sit down but were lifted up. “Shh it’s ok y/n, I’ve got you.” The voice said. “Your soft.” You hummed as your eyes drifted closed.
You slowly opened your eyes as the sun hit your face, making your head pound. You turned your head to see Loki sitting in a chair next to the bed, his eyes on you. “Go away Loki.” You huffed, moving to get out of bed. “Y/n, wait, please.” He said moving to in front of you. “I have nothing to say to you” you said trying to get up “well I have something to say to you.” He said placing his hands on your shoulders. “What is is?” You sighed holding your head. He handed you a cup of coffee and some pain meds before sitting back down. “Y/n, I would like to explain myself about why I told you no.” He said looking at you. “I don’t want to hear it.” You said shaking your head, starting to get up. “Well I want you to.” He said firmly. You looked at him and sat back down.
“The reason I said no, wasn’t because I don’t love you, I do, it’s because of my parentage, what I am.” He sighed looking down. “Asgardian, I already know that” you said looking at him. “No, I’m not asgardian.” He said looking at you. “What are you talking about Loki?” You asked getting frustrated. He sighed closing his eyes. You watched as his skin turned blue, ridges forming on his skin. He slowly opened his eyes, seeing his emerald eyes turning dark red. You sat there, unsure what to say. “I am a frost giant y/n, a monster, and I was afraid you would be frightened of me, that is why I said no” he said looking down. You scooted closer, looking at him. He looked the same but…..different. “Look at me please.” You said. His eyes meeting yours, you gazed into them. “Loki, regardless of what you are, you are still you, you always will be, I don’t care if you were a troll, I’d still love you.” You sighed. “I’m sorry y/n, I should have trusted you, I should have told you” he said shaking his head. “It’s ok Loki, I understand.” You said looking at him.
He leaned down, kneeling in front of you grabbing your hands “y/n, I love you with everything in me, I never want to lose you, I would be honored to be your husband.” He said pulling a box out of his pocket, be opened it revealing a silver banded ring, with an emerald in the middle, diamonds surrounding it. “If you still want me.” He said holding the ring out to you. You felt the tears in your eyes as you looked at him “I will always want you Loki.” You said lunging at him, hugging him. “Is that a yes?” He asked hugging you back. You laughed pulling back “Yes, Yes it is.” You smiled kissing him. He held your hand putting the ring on your finger, noticing him wearing the one you got him. You grabbed his hand “have you been wearing it?” You asked looking at him. “Since that night, yes.” He said holding your hand. You smiled at eachother, pulling him into another hug “I love you Loki.” You said sighing. “I love you too y/n.” He said.
You feel a hand on your shoulder and look up. Thor is kneeling in front of you on the street. “We need to find her,” you tell him as you try to stand but the wound on your side makes you wince.
“We will, I promise brother,” he says and you nod as he helps you stand.
The two of you get into the rear of the van and Nat drives you back to the warehouse to meet up with the rest of the team. You stare blankly out the window, not able to focus on what Thor is saying. When you pull up it looks like all of SHIELD is there. Tony and Fury are both yelling out orders to various agents and analysts. You watch as they bring out the Hydra agents, a few in cuffs but most in body bags.
“You should have someone take a look at you,” Thor suggests and you realize you are still holding onto him for support.
You stand on your own, “It’ll heal. We need to figure out where they took Y/N. I need to get her back, I can’t… Thor I can’t lose her.”
“I know,” he nods and gives you a sympathetic look.
Tony & Steve come over to you and Thor but before they can say anything you ask them, "How did we miss this? There were so many Hydra agents here… they knew I wasn’t Y/N and they knew which surveillance van she was in.”
Tony shakes his head, “I don’t know but we are going to find out. Hill has already started to look into it with a small team, people she trusts completely. Someone must have fed them information about the mission.”
“Do you think they set this up the same way they set up the escape on the raft? By blackmailing SHIELD agents?” Thor asks and Steve nods.
“Where is Sarah?” you ask looking around. “She would know where they took Y/N,” you can’t help but feel a bit hopeful. If Sarah knew anything, you would get it out of her. You look directly at Tony and say, “Don’t tell me she got away.”
Tony looks between you and Thor then says, “Come with me.” You & Thor follow him past the agents into the warehouse. “She’s just over there,” he points to the rear wall and you see two medics kneeling in front of someone. “They don’t think she is going to make it,” he says and you stop walking, you don’t know how to respond. Before you get much closer, one of the medics takes off his gloves and stands up. The other one turns towards you and shakes his head as he gets up.
Sarah is sitting against the wall, there is blood around her mouth and her eyes are closed. There is blood on the ground around her, it looks as if she dragged herself over to the wall before collapsing. A long piece of rebar sticks out of her chest, one of her hands is still resting on it.
“No… we needed her,” you say, mostly to yourself.
“We will find Y/N a different way, no one is going to stop until we find her,” Tony promises.
You nod and the three of you walk back out of the warehouse. Clint and Nat are talking to Sam who is sitting in the back of an ambulance. A medic is finishing up stiches on his arm and he has a bandage on his forehead. He stops talking when he sees you coming over. Nat turns to see what distracted Sam and then she asks the medic if she can come back in a minute. She nods and walks away.
“Loki, I’m sorry-” Sam starts but you hold up your hand and stop him.
The worried looks Nat & Clint give to Thor doesn’t escape your notice. You take a deep breath and let it out slowly, holding the wound on your side. You want to lash out, to cause pain and damage to the things around you but you know that’s not what Y/N would want. That wouldn’t help you get her back. Instead you look at Sam and tell him, “Its not your fault. I failed to protect her when she needed me. I should have been able to stop them.”
He doesn’t respond but Thor does, “We all failed her, Loki.”
(Y/N POV)
The truck takes a sharp turn and you wake up, you thoughts are fuzzy and it takes you a few seconds to figure out what is going on. When you open your eyes everything is dark, there is something soft covering them. You try to move your arms but yours hands are tired behind your back. When you pull on them you realize they are attached to the side wall of the truck. Your legs are free but there isn’t enough slack in the rope to get your feet under you so you remain seated against the wall. You can hear the people who took you talking but your head is still pounding and your are unable to understand them.
You realize you have no idea how long you were out or where you are. Focusing on your breathing, you try to keep calm. Loki and the rest of the team are going to find you, you tell yourself. You know Loki would never stop looking for you.
A few minutes later the truck takes another turn and the ride feels different. You aren’t on pavement anymore, the truck is on rough road. Where could they be taking you, you wonder. You pull and twist your arms, trying to free yourself from your restraints but every time you move, pain shoots from your shoulder down to your hand.
You think you are on the unpaved road for almost half an hour when they finally come to a stop. Your breathing picks up and your body gets tense. You hear the front doors open and both people get out. You rest your head against the wall of the truck and use it to help slide the blindfold off your eyes. Looking out the front window, you are horrified to find out you at a small, private airport. There is a plane waiting at the end of the runway and your heart starts to pound faster. You can’t let them get you on the plane, you have to fight back and get away.
The rear doors open wide and the same men who grabbed you climb into the back. You try to struggle and pull away from them but you have no leverage. You manage to kick out, catching one of them in the shin. He goes down and the other man hits you in the face. You scream and he puts his hand over your mouth to silence you but when he does you bite him. He curses at you and then reaches into the front of the truck to grab a black medical bag.
The man you kicked gets up and stands over you, staring down angrily. You try not to look afraid but you have no idea what is going to happen if they get you on that plane.
“Is it ready?” the one staring at you asks and you look at the other one.
“Hold her,” he responds as he comes towards you with a needle in one hand.
You scream for him to stop and to let you go but they hold you tight. You are unable to kick or struggle as he inserts the needle into your arm. Everything starts to get fuzzy again, your limbs feel heavy and your breath slows. You whisper Loki’s name just before you lose consciousness.
Summary: things get a tad awkward with Loki but you actively avoid it as things go south with Matt
Part 5-
====================================
You felt his lips on your neck as his hands roamed, cupping your beasts as he kissed you passionately. “I need you y/n.” He whispered as his lips traveled down your neck to your chest. You arched your back as you felt your knees being spread apart. “So needy love. I’ll give you what you want.” You heard him whisper as he lowered his head between your thighs.
A metal door slamming shut in the distance wakes you suddenly and you sit up so fast you get dizzy. You close your eyes and wait for the room to stop spinning before opening them again slowly. You look around the room as you move to the edge of the hospital bed. Rubbing the bruises on your wrists from the restraints as you try to stand up. Your knees buckle and you catch yourself before you fall, sitting back on the bed.
The room is small and has concrete walls with a metal door. There are no windows and no clock so you are unable to decipher the time. You sit on the edge of the bed and put your head in your hands as you realize you have no idea how long you were unconscious for. It could have been hours or days… and no one had found you yet. Why hadn’t they found you? Was anyone hurt, is that what was keeping them? You sit quietly, wondering where you could be when your attention is pulled by a scream from one of the other rooms.
The scream fades and you hear a metal door opening and slamming shut. You watch the door to your room as you hear footsteps getting closer. You swallow hard and carefully but quickly get up and stand next to the bed. You listen to the electronic beeping of what must be a keypad outside your door and then the bolts unlock. You hold your breath and back up slowly as the door swings open.
“Good to see you awake finally,” Marc says as he enters the room. He is followed by three guards, two of them come towards you and the third closes the door.
“Get away from me,” you say, backing away from the guards but they each grab one of your arms. You struggle and manage to pull an arm free, elbowing one of the guards in the face. He grunts in pain and the other guard hits you hard in the stomach. You cough and fall to your knees, the man you hit grabs you again and they pick you up.
“Still a fighter, that’s good,” he smirks and comes closer to you.
You try to get free again but you can’t. Marc takes your chin in his hands and makes you look at him. “What do you want with me?” you demand.
“What do you think Y/N?” he asks and you try not to let the fear show on your face. “You are going to help us test a brand new project we are working on.”
(THOR POV)
You walk down the hall and into the kitchen. You sigh to yourself when you see Loki isn’t there. You had called him half an hour ago and asked him to meet you here, he had reluctantly agreed. You look around the empty room and are unsure if Loki actually forgot or decided against coming down, both were equally likely.
Steve & Bucky walk in while you are going through the fridge. “Hey Thor. How’s Loki?” Steve asks.
“How do you think? Its been over a week and we still haven’t found Y/N. Every lead we’ve chased has turned into a dead end,” you answer as you slam the fridge closed, harder than you meant to.
“Thor-” Steve starts but you interrupt him.
“Sorry… I’m sorry. You guys know I love her like a little sister and I want to get her back more than anything,” you say as you walk to the island where they are standing.
“So do I Thor. We’re going to find her, all of SHIELD is working on this,” Steve reminds you.
You rub your eyes and tell them, “We have to rescue her soon, I don’t know how much longer Loki can go on like this. He isn’t sleeping, he barely eats… He hasn’t been in their room since she was taken.”
“Loki’s still refusing to leave her office?” Bucky asks.
You nod, “I keep trying to get him to come out, even just for a short time but he won’t. He’s been working with Stark and Hill, spending every minute looking into anything he can on Hydra.” You shake your head and look down, “Everyday Y/N is gone, Loki becomes more closed off. He is coming apart and I can’t just stand around and wait for a lead. We need to do something.”
“We’re doing everything we can Thor,” Bucky says.
“It’s not enough,” you tell him loudly. You lean against the island and before you can apologize for snapping at Bucky he walks out of the room. “I didn’t mean-” you start to tell Steve.
“I get it, we all love Y/N Thor but taking our anger out on each other isn’t going to help us find her,” Steve says.
You nod and he leaves the kitchen. You stand there alone for a few minutes before deciding to go up and see Loki. If he won’t come down to eat, you’ll bring the food to him. You begin opening the cabinets and looking for something you know how to make.
(LOKI POV)
There’s a knock on the door but you ignore it, reading the latest email from Hill. A minute or two later, there is another knock and you tell whoever it is to leave. You continue taking notes, reading through the email about the SHIELD agents who were blackmailed into helping Hydra. You want to ‘talk’ to each of them personally even though you know Nat already interrogated them.
The door opens and you look up to see who it is. “Brother, I told you I would come down when I finished this,” you tell him, turning your attention back to the screen.
He closes the door and says, “That was an hour ago Loki.”
“I’m not finished,” you respond flatly.
You hear him sigh loudly as he takes a seat across from you. "You have to take a break,” he says.
“How am I supposed to do that? Do you think Y/N is getting breaks from whatever Hydra is doing to her?” you ask him angrily.
“I’m not suggesting you stop looking for her Loki. We are all doing everything we can but you are going to burn yourself out completely if you keep this up. You need to rest, you need to eat. You’ll be more help to her if you aren’t exhausted,” he tells you.
“I know but… I just can’t stop Thor, not until I know she is safe,” you say, looking at him.
“Brother, just ten minutes. Here, I brought you something to eat,” he tells you as he points to a container on the desk. You hadn’t noticed it when he came in.
Your mind drifts back to all the times you brought Y/N lunch or dinner while she was buried in work in this office. You smile at the flood of memories, including the first time you brought Y/N dinner… she had been avoiding you for weeks after you almost kissed her but you couldn’t stop thinking about her. You missed everything about her and you wanted her to know it. You had been so afraid you ruined things with her just as you were starting to become close. She had texted you after you brought her dinner and you thought your heart would leap out of your chest when she told you she wanted to see you. The two of you talked for so long that night and you could still remember how cute she was when she asked you to kiss her. You knew after that first kiss you were never going to let go of her.
“Loki?” Thor gets your attention and you realize there are tears running down your cheek.
You wipe them away quickly, “Sorry, I’m fine.”
“You know, it’s ok if you aren’t,” he tells you and you nod, telling him once again that you are fine. “I will believe you and leave you alone the rest of the night if you at least eat,” he slides the container across the desk.
You open it and just stare at the food inside. “I heard Y/N making fun of you for liking this so much-” he starts to explain but you pick up the container of mac and cheese and throw it at the wall behind Thor. “Loki what the hell?” he asks loudly but you feel all the anger you had been trying to push down bubble to the surface, you are unable to contain it any longer.
You scream as you lash out with your magic, not fully aware you are doing it. The glass in the window behind you shatters and the chairs slam into the walls. The maps that had been tacked to the walls are torn down and the filing cabinet drawers are ripped open. The files on her desk are thrown around the room and you sink to the floor on your knees.
As the violent outburst subsides, Thor kneels next to you. You look at him, tears in your eyes and unable to speak. He puts his hand on your shoulder and you look at the ground. Something in the pile of papers thrown around the office catches your attention. You shrug Thor’s hand off you and walk over to it without saying a word.
You bend down and pick up the picture frame, the glass is broken, so you take the picture out and throw the frame back on the ground. You stand in the middle of the office, smiling down at the photograph. You were standing behind Y/N with your arms around her waist, kissing her cheek as she took the picture of the two of you. You remember sitting in the library while she explained to you what a selfie was and the she insisted you take one. She ended up taking almost a dozen, some were like this and in others you convinced you to make silly faces with her.
You can feel your heart breaking as you wonder if you will ever see her again. Will you hear her laugh or make her smile, taste her lips and feel her arms around you? You couldn’t bare the thought of losing her, she meant everything to you and you would burn down the world if that’s what it took to find her.
“Brother?” Thor asks.
“I’m not fine, Thor…” you tell him, still looking at the photograph.
“I know,” he says.
You walk over to the trashed desk and put the picture on top of the disheveled pile of papers. You notice a piece of yellow paper taped to the bottom of the now upside down mouse pad. The paper has Y/N’s handwriting on it and you think that is a very odd place to keep a note. You peel it off and read it, then you re-read it.
“What’s that?” Thor asks, you hand it to him.
“I think Y/N left us a lead without even knowing it,” you tell him.
Summary: You train with Natasha, and you find out something new about yourself. Loki’s protectiveness gets a bit…much and frankly, it pisses you off.
Warnings: Swearing. Smut 18+
Words: ~3800
Other chapters on my master list.
Never in all the years of your life, did you think you would be in a training room with none other than Black Widow. The training room in the Avenger’s Tower was empty, outside of you, Natasha, and Loki who brooded in the corner, keeping a watchful eye on you. You had to give Natasha credit, not only was she deadly, but she was an amazing teacher. There were whispers amongst the team about her brutality during her training sessions, but today with you, you saw someone who was patient, and efficient in her teaching techniques.
But she was also relentless. With each failure, she would tell you to get back up and try again. Your body was still frail from the torture and starvation you endured, and you could feel the weakness in your bones midway through your training session. There was one defense move you were trying to get down, but you just weren’t getting it. The bear hug defense move. Everything she was teaching you was very basic, but you were struggling, and it was frustrating you beyond belief. Every time you tried to escape the petite assassin’s grasp, it reminded you of how weak you were. How helpless you felt in your cell.
Tears started to well in your eyes as your heart hammered in your chest, giving way to a tidal wave of anxiety. Before the first pathetic hiccup left your lips, Loki was already up and making his way across the room to you.
“That is enough, Romanoff. She’s done for the day.” He growled. He hated seeing you upset, and he was already struggling containing himself. Every time he saw you crash on the mat or struggle against Natasha’s hold had his blood boiling. Frankly, he didn’t even want you there. It was his job to protect you. If you had him, what else did you need? Yet, he remembered what Tony had said. That there would be times he wouldn’t be around to protect you due to his ‘obligations’ to the Avengers, just to stay out of Asgardian prison. The fact that his choices, the mind control he endured led him down a path where he couldn’t be with you or protect you, made him hate himself even more.
“No, Loki. She’s fine.” Natasha had let go of you and turned you around to face her. Tears were brimming at the corner of your eyes, but thankfully they had yet to spill over. Though, that last thread of stubborn dignity was threatening to snap.
Summary: Diving head first into BDSM you decide to see someone more experienced for your first time.
Authors note: hi friends! I haven’t written anything in SO long, like actual months, but I’m back with whatever this is!
Warnings: SMUT (ONLY READ IF YOU ARE 18+) unprotected sex, BDSM themes throughout, sex work, spanking, use of pet names (good girl, baby, princess), vibrators
It had all started with a simple website, late at night you’d found yourself looking into the darker side of the internet. You’d been single for a while, a recent breakup leaving you wanting as you scrolled through pages of adult content searching for something more. That’s when you found him, there was never a face only his hands and various toys gripped within his large palms. Although you’d always suspected you’d be interested in BDSM, you’d never really taken the plunge properly so to speak. After that first night you found yourself re watching the videos again and again until one night, it wasn’t enough. You’d seen that he did sessions in person and you could request one but it wasn’t until you realised that you lived in the same city that you seriously considered it. You filled out the forms and waited, his website listed all of the do’s and don’ts ranging from what to wear right up to his limits, one of the main ones being the emphasis on sex, he never slept with a client. At this stage you’d do anything just to meet him, let alone fuck him so that was a condition that you were happy to accept as you signed and sent back the forms.
Hi everyone! So I know we are just getting to the really crazy part of Shadows of the Past but I need to slow down updating a bit. I have a pinched nerve in my shoulder blade and it seems to be getting worse, not better. I got steroids and muscle relaxers today so that’s going to slow me down. I’ll post as soon as I can! Thank you all for sticking with me so far, we are getting near the end and I promise it will be worth the wait!
Also…
I’m going to be starting a new story as soon as I finish this one. It will also be Loki x female reader.
The summary so far: You are a soldier in the palace on Asgard and you are already in an established relationship with Loki. After a tragic turn of events you end up on Earth with no memories and Loki, along with everyone else mourns you because they think you didn’t survive. You are picked up by SHIELD and they find your talents for fighting useful. A few years later you are sent on a mission to New Mexico when a hammer falls from the sky…. please let me know if you want to be tagged in this! There will be fluff and angst and some mild smut
You try to get free again but you can’t. Marc takes your chin in his hands and makes you look at him. “What do you want with me?” you demand.
“What do you think Y/N?” he asks and you try not to let the fear show on your face. “You are going to help us test a brand new project we are working on.”
You look down at yourself for a moment and realize you are wearing what almost looks like beige scrubs. You try not to let yourself be overwhelmed by the realization that you are now a test subject for Hydra.
“Another failed attempt at a super soldier serum?” you say sarcastically, hoping he can’t hear the fear in your voice.
He laughs, “Not exactly.” You look at him confused, what else could it be? He smiles, “Don’t worry, you’ll find out soon enough.”
You try to get free again but you can’t. Marc takes your chin in his hands and makes you look at him. “What do you want with me?” you demand.
“What do you think Y/N?” he asks and you try not to let the fear show on your face. “You are going to help us test a brand new project we are working on.”
You look down at yourself for a moment and realize you are wearing what almost looks like beige scrubs. You try not to let yourself be overwhelmed by the realization that you are now a test subject for Hydra.
“Another failed attempt at a super soldier serum?” you say sarcastically, hoping he can’t hear the fear in your voice.
He laughs, “Not exactly.” You look at him confused, what else could it be? He smiles, “Don’t worry, you’ll find out soon enough.”
He walks back to the door to leave, signaling the guard by the door to open it. Just as he is about the step out in the hallway be turns back to you. “Well come on, I’ll show you around,” he tells you. As he says that one of the guards holding you reaches for his belt and unclips a pair of handcuffs. He puts them on you quickly, keeping your hands behind your back. The two guards force you out of the room after Marc.
You struggle as they walk you down the hallway but they don’t loosen their grip. You look around, the hallway is long with metal doors on either side. There are guards posted at both ends of the hallway. You can hear screams and faint cries as you move past the rooms. They walk you to the end of the hall and then you turn left, there are more metal doors and an elevator at the far end. Marc pushes the call button and you wait in silence, you are sure they can hear your heart beating. You try to focus on your breathing, not wanting to give Marc the satisfaction of knowing you were terrified.
The doors open and they shove you inside. You look ahead of you and make eye contact with Marc briefly as he gets in. “So… where is Sarah?” you ask, hoping bringing her up might get you a bit more information about what is going on.
“Oh that right,” he says, “You wouldn’t know.”
“Know what?” you ask.
“Well it seems that prince of yours killed her,” he tells you.
“What?” you ask stunned. Loki killed her? What had happened after you were taken? you think to yourself.
“Don’t worry too much about her,” he tells you when the elevator stops. “We had run out of uses for her anyway.”
He steps out of the elevator and the guards force you to walk down another hallway. Towards the end of this hall is a pair of metal double doors with a small glass window in one of them. When you get closer, they swing open and you are met by a man and a woman in lab coats and another guard. You look beyond them, into the lab. You had seen photos of where Bucky had been kept and this room looked eerily similar. The guards pushed and dragged you to the chair in the middle of the room, strapping you down.
You look up at Marc, who leans down over you, “The more you struggle, the more this will hurt.”
He takes a step back and you watch as the man sits down at one of the computers. You try to see what he is doing but your attention is drawn to the woman in lab coat. You notice an IV stand and monitors next to the chair as she applies leads to your chest and begins to take note of your vitals.
You look over at the doors as another man in a lab coat enters, carrying a small metal container. He places it on the desk next to the scientist at the computer. When he opens it, a small cloud of cold air escapes and he removes a glass vial with red liquid in it. He hands the vial to the woman and she draws some of it into a syringe, then puts the vial back in the container.
You squirm and pull at the straps but it is useless. One of the guards turns your head to the side, exposing your neck. The woman stands over you then turns to Marc, he nods and she injects the red liquid into the side of your neck. It burns in your veins almost instantly and your heart races, your breathing gets faster. You squeeze your eyes shut as tightly as you can, trying not to scream but the burning is spreading throughout your body. You clench your hands closed hard and you can barely hear the monitor beeping frantically. The burning is now in your muscles and it is getting harder for you to focus your mind on anything other than the increasing pain.
The scientist injects you again, this time with a clear liquid. You can feel it taking the burn away but with it comes a heaviness. You feel drained and you fight to stay awake but it quickly becomes difficult. You force your eyes open and look around, everything is out of focus and you close them again, tears streaming down your cheeks. You wish desperately for Loki to find you, you want to go home. You open your eyes one more time and look towards the door, willing Loki to be there but he isn’t. You finally stop fighting, letting yourself slip into unconsciousness.
______________________________________
When you open your eyes you are alone in your cell again, laying on the bed. There is a slow steady beeping just to the right of you, you are hooked up to a monitor that is displaying your vitals. You sit up slowly with a light headache, your vision a bit fuzzy but it focuses quickly. You lift your hand to rub the injection site on your neck and realize there is a restraint around you wrist. Looking down, you see your other arm is free but the one with the restraint is attached to a long chain on the wall next to the bed. You tug at it gently and move to the edge of the bed. As soon as you start to move, you notice how tired you are even though you just woken up.
Before you can stand up, you hear the keypad outside your door beep and it swings open. Marc walks in followed by two guards and the woman from the lab. She has a tablet with her and seems to be taking notes on it. She walks over to you and without looking up, she asks how you are feeling.
You laugh at how ridiculous the question is and she looks up, lowering her glasses, she asks you again. “Freaking amazing,” you tell her as your roll your eyes and cross your arms, tugging at the chain a bit.
She writes something in the tablet then records the readings from the monitor. She nods at Marc. “Hold her,” he says to the guards.
One of them walks over to you and grabs your arm, holding it out in front of the woman. You try to pull it back but you are unable to. She takes a scalpel out of her lab coat pocket and drags it across your skin, making a shallow cut about three inches long.
You hiss in pain and curse at her but the guard doesn’t let your arm go. She takes out a piece of gauze and wraps up the wound. “What the hell was that for?” you ask when she tells the guard to let you go.
“I will be back to check on that in an hour,” she says, not answering your question. Marc says nothing, leaving first, followed by the scientist and the guards.
They slam the door shut and you sit up in the middle of the bed, holding your arm. Alone in the silence of you room you suddenly realize how hungry you are. The last time you know you ate was three hours before the mission, was that a day or two ago? Your mind starts to flood with questions as you look blankly around the room, you hold your cut arm over your stomach as it growls. What did they do to you? Why would she cut you like that? Where are you and why didn’t anyone find you yet? You couldn’t even tell if it was still the same day you had been brought to the lab or not. Your mind came up with more and more questions you couldn’t answer and then you heard the keypad again. Apparently it had been an hour already.
When the door opens the guards come in first and stand on either side of your bed. Marc stays by the door as the women from earlier walks over to you. She takes your arm and you don’t fight her, you are tired and weak from hunger. She unwraps the gauze and examines your arm, then she motions for Marc to come closer. You look down at your arm and you can’t believe what you are looking at. The three inch long cut was nothing more than a thin, barely visible scar.
“Well, it seems we can move onto the next phase of the experiment then,” Marc says happily.
You look at him horrified, “Next phase? What are you doing to me?”
He smiles and you feel a small pinch in your neck. You look up at the woman and see she had injected you with something again.
“No… no…” you start to say but everything feels heavy. You hear Marc laugh from far away as your vision goes dark and you collapse onto the bed.
______________________________________
“Y/N,” you hear a voice say.
For a second your mind tricks you into thinking it is Loki, telling you he is here to bring you home but you know it isn’t. You open your eyes slowly, blinking into the bright lights above you.
“There you are,” Marc says with a smile.
You look up at him and you can barely move, you’re strapped down on a table in the lab. You think it is the same one as before but you can’t be sure.
“Its ready,” you hear one of the scientists say. You don’t recognize either of these scientist, how many of them worked here?
“Good,” Marc replies.
“What are you doing to me?” you demand but your voice is weak.
“We’re going to fix you… or kill you,” he shrugs, seemingly not attached to either outcome.
“Fix me?” you ask worriedly, trying to sit up but you are unable to.
He nods and points to two screens to the left and you turn your head to look at them. Both are displaying several x-rays and you recognize the ones on the right screen immediately. It’s your left leg, you can see all the metal and screws from your surgeries. When you look at the other screen you’re filled with fear. It’s your leg, but all the hardware has been removed, the breaks and displacements that never healed properly are visible.
“No….” you whisper as you look down at your leg. Your left pants leg has blood on it and pain sears up your leg when you try to move your foot.
“I wouldn’t move around too much,” he says. “The surgeon did a decent job removing all the metal.”
“Why?” you ask, trying to understand what’s going on.
“Oh don’t get me wrong Y/N, I don’t care if you ever walk again. We just needed to see if this serum would works on something bigger than a few cuts,” he says as one of the scientists comes over to you with the red liquid in a syringe.
You try to struggle against the restraints but its no use. The scientist injects you with the red serum and your veins feel like they are on fire again. The pain and burning spreads faster than last time. You close your eyes tight and fight against wanting to scream.
When you open your eyes, you look towards the doors, once again praying Loki would come. You eyes start to feel heavy as the pain increases, traveling from your veins to your muscles. Your heart starts to pound faster and your breathing becomes fast and shallow.
You feel a sharp pain in your arm and realize you were injected again. Just as before, the burning starts to fade but you are slowly losing starting to feel your energy level drop. All you want to do is close your eyes but you fight it as long as you can.
The doors open and you feel hope flood your body but it leaves just as quickly when you see who enters the room. You blink slowly, it is getting harder to focus but just before everything goes dark again you see Marc walk over to the doors to greet the man who entered. He reaches out and shakes Pierce’s hand, they both look over at you as you close your eyes.
Summary | Loki is Y/N’s secret sugar daddy, and now the secret is out, and no one is happy about it.
Pairings | Loki Laufeyson x Female Reader
Genre | Angst (?, happy ending), Fluff
Story Warnings | Mentions of sugar daddy/baby relationship, cursing, Almost fighting, Choking (not the sexy kind either), Mentions of sex
Translations | None :)
Author’s Note | I wrote this all in one sitting and it took me like fifteen minutes so it might suck, but who cares. This was also only loosely edited so if you see any mistakes, you can let me know or just ignore them; I’ve lost energy.
Words | 1,509
You had always been close with Loki. Honestly, you’d always been close with everyone. You just weren’t the kind of person that people disliked. So naturally, Loki was drawn to you.
But slowly, you’d become more than friends. Not dating. But… not friends either.
If you wanted anything, you got it. Loki’s wallet seemed to be bottomless, and he liked to show you that. And eventually, the team started to figure things out.
It started small. You’d bounce into the kitchen while Loki was reading the newspaper and show him something on your tablet. Without another word, he pulls out his wallet and hand over his shiny black credit card, making you squeal and bounce back away.
Summary : Loki talks to you about his fears of you being a mortal.
Warning : 18+ Sex, mention of past abuse, PTSD symptoms, discussion of mortality and death.
Gif has nothing to do with chapter I just love how his mouth moves
ALT
You went back to the party and it was in full swing, everyone had someone they partnered up with to dance the night out. Charlotte looked at your sad face and she excused herself from Thor to check up on you, you smiled as soon as you saw her coming
“You two look so good together” she giggled as you said that
“He said he’d take me to Asgard. Can you believe it?” You gasped, you knew Thor would like her.
“He better treat you right” she smiled but then she got worried about you
“Is everything okay with Mr hottie, did you guys talk?” She asked you and you nodded
“Don’t worry about that, we will be okay, just go have fun okay?” you nudged her to go back and she hugged you before she went back to the dance floor.
What were you even doing here? The one man you are here for won’t even talk to you more than what you have already heard before from him. You want to help him move on from that guilt, you know it’s not easy for him but how are you supposed to do that when he won’t even talk to you about his fears.
Loki wanted to disappear, he should have just gotten back to his room and stayed there until you left, that was the only way he could have kept you safe from him, but he didn’t want you to leave, he wanted to hold you and kiss you. He wanted to tell you that he was scared of hurting you again, that he was terrified of turning into that man again. And that he was scared of losing you to death. When he stepped inside the lounge, he found you standing all alone in the corner as you watched other couples dancing and having fun. He promised you that he won’t allow you to feel lonely again then what was he doing?
You saw him heading towards you so you straightened yourself up, your eyes teared up as you looked at him. He was so handsome it really hurt to look at him sometimes. He grabbed your hands in his and placed it around his shoulders, then his arms wrapped around waist, you gasped as he pulled you closer to him, thank goodness that those heels managed some of the height difference.
“Are we dancing?” he smiled as you asked him. He had told you before that he couldn’t dance, especially not in public
“Well I cannot do that.. whatever that is” he looked at Tony who was doing..well some kind of dance or voodoo, only he knew.
“But I can do what mother taught me” he clicked his fingers and the music changed, you swayed with him side to side, slowly, everytime you looked at him your eyes met with his. You knew people were staring, he has never shown you any sort of affection in public before. But then you realized that he might be using magic to hide you two from their view. So you kissed him, softly, very gently and he responded with his own tenderness.
Charlotte squealed and you looked at her.
“I thought they couldn’t see us, I’m sorry” he smiled as you got nervous then one of his hands crawled behind your head as he pulled you in for a kiss again. You have missed him so much, you have missed him holding you so tightly like this
“I’m sorry darling, for everything”
His eyes teared up so you cupped his cheeks
“Not your fault Loki, it’s not your fault, you have to stop blaming yourself”
“I wish I could, and everytime I close my eyes I wish I didn’t have visions of that night in my head but it’s there and I ..the things I said to you..you know I’d never say that to you if..”
“I know..I know baby ..hey I know okay?” You hugged him as tightly as you could so the only thing he’d feel in that moment is you, you wanted him to feel safe too and he felt safe with you.
Once you felt him relaxing in your embrace you eased your hold on him
“You want to spend some time with me all alone, just the two of us?” You asked him and his eyes teared up. He was afraid of being alone with you and that broke your heart. He nodded so you grabbed his arm and took him to his bedroom. As soon as you stepped inside you kissed him again, you didn’t want to rush him, there were things that needed to be talked about and you wanted to clear that up right now.
“Soo umm did you sleep with someone else in the past two months?”
Great. Just great. Maybe you should have saved that question for later but you couldn’t stop yourself.
“No darling, I couldn’t” you weren’t expecting him to stay loyal to you, you two were broken up and he loved having sex so it came as a surprise.
“I would ask but I know you wouldn’t do that”
“You know me far too well mister god”
He smiled as you stepped away from him and sat down on the bed to take off your heels, you weren’t used to wearing heels and they were killing your feet. You groaned and he was on his knees in front of you instantly
“Loki stop..you can’t do that” you grabbed his hand as he took your heels off one by one.
“Why?” He asked you as he pressed on the pad of your foot with his thumbs, you didn’t want to moan but it was way too satisfying
“You’re my god, you’re not supposed to do that” he smiled as he looked at you
“A god can kneel for his goddess” your face flushed, skin tingled and heart fluttered as he said that
“Come sit next to me” you patted on the bed next to you and he got up to sit next to you
“Talk to me dear god” you smiled as you looked at him
“We do need to talk”
“We sure do”
“You’re a mortal”
“Yess I am”
“I’m a god”
“Yes you are”
“You’ll be gone after few years and I’ll be here for thousands of years, that if we survive that monster Thanos will send after us gods”
“You will survive it and live to tell the story. I just know that. Are you afraid of losing me?” his eyes teared up at the question
“I’m afraid of losing you, being without you and I’m afraid of being alone again” you turned towards him and made him look at you
“You know if it was up to me I would never leave you alone, I’d be here until you’re sick of my face” you smiled and that made him smile too
“Sick of that pretty face? Never”
“There’s not much I can say to ease that fear of yours because it’s going to happen and we can’t change it but..I love you and I want to be with you for as long as I could” he sighed in response
“I want that too darling, I want that too” he pulled you on top of his lap and hugged you tightly, he hid himself between the crook of your neck because he didn’t want you to see how weak he felt in that moment
“Think of me like a pet when I’m gone”
“Don’t say that darling pleaseee”
“I’m serious, you can move on when I’m gone, you can find another lover, maybe someone immortal this time so you won’t have to lose her so soon? Just because you would find someone else, that doesn’t mean I was any less important to you, I’d still be your Little mortal and I’ll always be your favorite mortal” he knew you were trying to make him feel better and hopeful about the future, but your words only hurt him further, he didn’t want to cry standing at your grave sixty years from now. He didn’t want to lose you like that. Once you die, he’d never be able to hold you like this and the fear crushed him.
“You are my favorite darling, not just my favorite mortal but you are my favorite everything and I don’t want to lose you”
“You won’t, I’m here, live in the moment with me Loki, let’s just live and love each other, let’s make beautiful memories. You deserve to be happy, you deserve affection and love more than anyone else, and I want to drown you in it, I want to make you so happy”
You pressed your forehead against his hoping that he would choose to live in the present instead of worrying about the future, who knows what will happen ten years from now. Maybe things will change, maybe he’d fall out of love and it’d kill you to lose his affection like that but then you can’t let that fear stop you from enjoying the next few years of bliss. You never thought you’d find someone like him to call your own and now that you had him you weren’t ready to lose him at any cost or for any reason
“I wanted to give you everything you have never had, treat you the way you deserve to be treated, I promised you all that and more but I failed” you shook your head and made him look at you again.
“You didn’t fail, you never did and you already give me more than I could have imagined, just being here with you is my dream life, I never thought I’d find a man so loving, so thoughtful, a man who’d respect me enough to not hurt me, I got more than what I was looking for, and no matter what happens i’d always worship you my god because that’s who you are to me”
He looked at you all wide eyed and perplexed, maybe it was his Karma, he always thought of mortals as inferior beings, those who didn’t deserve any importance, and that’s why fate brought him to you so he’d fall for a mortal and get his comeuppance when your life would end right in front of his eyes. But he can’t hurt you anymore, you have been hurt all your life and he wants to change that, he wants to give you a happy life. You kissed his forehead and got off his lap
“Let me just call Charlotte, I hope she’s alright”
He perched himself on his elbow. You care so much, not just about him but everyone who shows you the slightest of affection. He would never meet someone as pure as his little mortal. His heart would break once in a while whenever the fear of losing you would overwhelm him but he knew that’s the burden he’d have to bear for you.
“So my brother and her were getting real chummy out there or I imagined it?” You giggled as he said that
“She’s having the best time of her life” you laid down on the bed next to him, on your front situating yourself on both of your elbows
“How’s your job going? Anyone bothering you?” he asked you as he tucked a strand of hair behind your ears and kissed your forehead
“Noo” you leaned forward to kiss him and then you got on top of him, he couldn’t have that for long so he flipped you over quickly. You took his jacket off and the t shirt followed, god you have been wanting to touch his bare skin since you got here, it’s been months since you got to have him rubbing against you so intimately, you have missed every little thing, every sound he makes, every whisper of his voice
He didn’t take your dress off, he just pulled your dress over your thighs and took your panties off, you unbuttoned his pants and he was hard already. He pulled the straps down and your bare breasts drove him even more wild.
“You are ethereal, have I ever told you that?” You bit on your lips at the compliment while his lips suckled on your nipples one by one. He looked up at you and the flashes from that night clouded his eyes again, he froze, he couldn’t move, he tried to get off you but you didn’t allow him to
“Hey hey look at me, look into my eyes loki please” you cupped his cheeks and his tears dripped down on your face “I’m safe here with you, you’d never hurt me, never ever”
“How do you know? How am I different from those men that hurt you before?” You felt offended not because of him but for him, how dare he compare your god to worms like those men
“Those men never asked questions like that because they didn’t care whether they were hurting me, that is reason enough for me, don’t you ever compare yourself with those evil men again”
You wiped his eyes and pecked on his lips, wrapping your legs around his waist you pushed his cock inside you slowly, he moaned as he felt your walls clenching around him, it’s been a long time, he placed his head down on your breasts as he pumped in and out of you slowly
“I have missed you darling, I’m sorry, I’m so sorry”
“I know I know..I have missed you inside me too, every night I craved you my god and I wanted to go down on my knees and pray to you but I was afraid you won’t answer me”
He just shook his head in response, he placed his arms around your head and kissed you again, his tongue played with yours while his hips continued to thrust in and out of you. “I love you princess” your eyes teared up, you couldn’t believe your ears. He knew he had to say it even though what he felt for you surpassed something as frivolous as the word love to him, because he didn’t just love you anymore, he worshiped the ground you walked on. But he knew you had been longing to hear it from him and he was going to give you everything.
“You love me?” You smiled and a moan escaped your lips as his cock brushed that sweet nerve Inside you
“Love you, yes, I love you darling and I’ll always love you”
When he finally came, he had you moaning and whimpering under him, it was the most emotionally satisfying sex of his life, the euphoria he felt as he looked into your eyes during both of your orgasms was unmatchable, it fired up every little inch of his skin and he felt it deep in his soul. That void inside him was filled again.
Once he calmed down he grabbed you in his arms and you showered with him, the cold water snapped you out of the bliss for a moment
“I’m sorry, I cannot handle warm water, let me fix it”
“It’s fine loki, just hold me” you held him as tightly as you could and you didn’t hate how cold it was around you, the temperature of his body along with water felt soothing in a way. You wondered how he looked in his natural form, he took another step forward today. He shared his fear and he was trying to move on from that incident. If things were to be like this you knew you’d see him all blue and big soon.
“Do you want to stay the night with me darling?”
“I want to stay all the nights with you” and he smiled genuinely, he seemed happy. That made you happy. He dressed you up in his clothes and you felt as if you were drowning in it but he found it really adorable.
“So if I wouldn’t have come here today, would you just let me go?”
You asked him as you fixed the bed and he rubbed his palm over his neck, from nervousness and guilt as well
“Noo, I wanted to get back to you every moment, I just .. didn’t think I deserved your affection, not even a smidgen of it”
Your eyes teared up as you noticed the sadness and hopelessness in his voice. You laid him down on the bed and got on top of him, he hasn’t been sleeping well and you haven’t been sleeping either, that was going to change tonight.
Didn’t take you both long enough to doze off, he was happy and content having you back in his arms. He has dreamt about this night since the day you left.
But then you woke up to him shivering and shaking, mumbling an apology over and over again, you knew he was thinking about that night again. The nightmares kept reminding him of the abuse he had forced upon you, you forgave him but he didn’t. And you knew it’d take some time for him to move on from that.
So you woke him up gently, wiped the sweat off his skin with your hands, and doused him in soft kisses all over his face until his breathing calmed down
“You’re okay baby, you’re safe, and I’m safe with you, you won’t hurt me I promise” you whispered in his ears softly
“I’m sorry..I’m so sorry” tears filled his eyes, his breathing remained shallow
“Noo no, don’t apologize, everything is okay now, we will get better okay? Go back to sleep”
He has never been so vulnerable in his life, even when he was he had no one to place the balm over his wounds, but now he had you. And the thought overwhelmed him again, he’d get used to you taking care of him like this and then someday you’ll leave him. Then he’ll be all alone again, without his princess to comfort him. The thought hurt him deeply, but there was nothing he could have done about it. So he wrapped his arms around you tightly and allowed himself to feel grateful and happy for this moment that he had you.
And he hoped that these moments and the memories of you will be enough for him to get by when you’re gone.
Summary : Two months pass and you meet loki again at Bruce’s birthday party. Resisting you is harder than he thought it to be
Warning : The usual, 18+ , Some smut, mention of past abuse (if you have gone this far into the series you know what to expect)
Note : This chapter reminded me of lisik
ALT
“Should I go with this black fit dress or this blue one, the blue one reminds me of something grandma used to wear” Charlotte chuckled as she looked at you.
“Go with black, it’s strappy and sexy and you know who’s going to be there” she winked at you and you sighed. It’s been two months, a whole two months since you last saw him, when you proudly stepped out of his room announcing that you’d get him back. Now that you look back at that moment, you feel kind of silly for telling something like that to a god.
You remember the first few days that you spent in your bed, feeling lifeless and staring at the ceiling, you didn’t think you’d survive this heartbreak.
You didn’t try to get in touch with him, you remembered what Bruce said, he needed to heal, and so did you.
You knew Loki would never hurt you like that but that doesn’t mean what happened that night wasn’t traumatising, you couldn’t understand how you always end up in a situation like that. But as hard as it was for you, it was worse for him.
If you’d have done something like that to him you won’t be able to forgive yourself either. He took pride in being that one man you felt safe with, now he thinks he has taken it away from you, but that wasn’t true, you’d always feel safe with him. He was your Loki.
“What are you wearing?” You asked her and her eyes widened
“You want to take me to hulk’s birthday party at avengers tower?” She asked you and you smiled
“First of all do not call him Hulk, he doesn’t like that, secondly he said I can bring a friend and you’re the only one, I still don’t know why I’m invited, I have talked to him like five times since he treated me” She squealed and jumped up and down, her excitement excited you as well
“Oh my god okay I need to find a dress let me see”
A month ago Charlotte was evicted from her apartment so she needed a place to stay. You had a perfect spare room, it was Loki’s idea to get two bedrooms so whenever you two got into an argument he could go there to cool down and relax. He wanted to be around you all the time but he didn’t want to hurt you whenever he got angry. You still got his share of rent from him, you always felt him around you when you walked to work but maybe it was your desperation to see him that made you feel that way.
It was easy to pretend to be alright in front of her or everyone else, but at night when you crawled into your bed all alone and without him by your side you could only cry, you always cried yourself to sleep.
…..
“I’m not coming, tell him that I sent my apologies” Loki stormed out after his training session, Thor was right about losing his brother again, he hadn’t seen Loki smiling in the last two months, since you left he just seemed like a robot working on an autopilot mode.
“Loki it’s his birthday, things have been getting good between you and other avengers, don’t ruin it. Just stay for an hour and then you can go back to sulking in your room” Loki glared at him as he said that
“I do not sulk, what’s with the bags?” Thor shoved all the bags in his hands as soon as Loki finished his words
“New clothes, midgardians tend to change their clothing every now and then, you must try new clothes” Loki rolled his eyes as he stepped inside the room, the bags were thrown in the corner of the room as he made his way to get showered.
He missed you, every little thing you did, he has missed it all. That day after you stormed out on him, he didn’t get in touch with you and he was thankful that you didn’t either, but that didn’t make it any easier for him to go on with what he has done to you and go on without you. He missed his sweet angel mortal in his life, everyday he woke up feeling hollow, and as the day proceeded that void inside him only got bigger and deeper, the only relief he got was when he slept at night and dreamt about you, he was lucky enough to see you, hold you and touch you or when sometimes he followed you to work to make sure nobody out there was bothering you.
He heard your cries at night, that’s when you let the walls down and allowed him to get in, he was linked with you, he wanted to keep you close, but hearing your cries only wounded him, knowing far too well that he was the reason for your misery killed him everyday.
On those nights when he wasn’t fortunate enough to dream about you, he re-lived that night he ruined you over and over again, same nightmare every time and it was a projection of his own memory, he always woke up crying and shuddering for hurting his princess like that. How could he do that to you after everything you have been through? Why wasn’t he strong enough to resist Thanos?
…..
You got ready and looked at yourself in the mirror, the dress was Charlotte’s idea, it was fitting all your curves, and showing heck a lot of cleavage but you have seen the kind of dress people at the tower wore at such parties, you still felt pretty decent
“You look so sexy, Mr hottie better pull you aside and give you much needed loving” your face flushed as you thought about Mr hottie, you haven’t tried to talk to him but that doesn’t mean you haven’t been keeping a tab on him.
You called Thor once every few days to check up on him, in the beginning Loki was not getting better, then Thor started to take care of his meals and made sure he got proper sleep at night. You just wanted him to feel okay again, and then you wanted him to get back to you.
“Thank you, you look gorgeous too” you smiled as you looked at her. She had a gorgeous red dress on that made her look like a movie star, she had that hollywood classic features that actresses like Grace Kelly used to have
“Really? You think Thor would look at me twice?” You smiled as she said that.
“Well he sure would, he broke up with Jane so he’s single and ready to mingle”
“Awesome”
To be frank you weren’t too upset about Jane being gone, she never seemed to respect Loki and held a grudge for something even Thor didn’t care about anymore. She just didn’t like Loki and that was enough for you to hate her.
When you reached the tower you took a deep breath, it’s been a while and there were several memories from worst to better to worst again. As you made your way through security, you spotted Happy Hogan, the head of security
“Sir happy, how are you?” You asked him and he just gave you his usual grumpy look
“I am good, how are you y/n?”
“I’m good, invited to hulk’s birthday and ummm I don’t know why but I have an evite to show for it which I’ll show you in a second if I can find it on my phone..just a second” you blabbed nervously and he shook his head
“No need, get up there and enjoy” he told you and Charlotte gave him a smile, you sighed as you both got in elevator
“Wow that was embarrassing for you”
“I got nervous”
“Don’t get nervous in front of Loki, get sexy, make him realise that he’s missing all that hot bod” you giggled as she said that. Your heart was running a mile per second as you thought about seeing him again, would he even look at you? Did he forget you? Did he move on with someone else? There were several questions and no answers.
When you reached the venue you greeted Natasha and Steve. Then you finally found Bruce and wished him a happy birthday.
“This is my friend Charlotte, we work together and live together”
You introduced her to everyone you met, you saw Penny there too and your heart broke. Why was she there? Was she there with him? For him? The anxiety rose more and more in the pit of your stomach, but as she walked over to you, you smiled
“Hi y/n how are you?”
“I’m fine, how are you, penny?” You didn’t want to come across as rude, it wasn’t her fault that you felt insecure about her past with Loki and if he really did get back together with her, there’s nothing you could do about it
“I’m good now, thanks to Loki” and your heart broke again, what did she mean?
“Thanks to Loki?” Your eyes teared up and her eyes widened
“Oh no not like that, I’m sorry, I just..you know what he did for me few months ago, that’s what I meant”
You took a deep breath, relief surged through your veins
“I’m sorry you had to go through something so awful”
“Thank you, you should go see him, he hasn’t been well lately” you looked at her as she said that. So they weren’t together right?
You got relaxed around her and Charlotte was enjoying the party then finally the one man she wanted to meet walked towards you two
“Oh my god he’s coming towards us, he’s hotter than the sun”
“Okay shhh Calm down” you glared at her
“Okay phewww” you smiled as Thor got closer
“Lady y/n it’s so good to see you again” he kissed the back of your hand like a gentleman and then he looked at Charlotte
“This is my roommate Charlotte”
“Charlotte? That’s a beautiful midgardian name for a beautiful lady” he took her hand in his and she almost fainted.
“Lady y/n can you do me a favor?”
“Sure what is it?” You asked him and he gave you a box
“New shoes for Loki, can you just give him that for me, he must be getting ready still” you looked at him shocked and then you grabbed the box
“Sure yeah um.. yeah I’ll give it to him”
You mumbled nervously
“I assume you remember your way to his chamber”
You smiled as you made your way towards his room, you felt nervous, shaky and your eyes teared up as you thought about seeing his face after so long. What if he doesn’t want to see you or talk to you, what if he’s mean again? Well you could always give him puppy eyes and that would probably work. You knocked on the door twice and then he opened it, he looked like a mess, but a hot mess, he had a black tshirt on paired with a trouser. His eyes teared up as he looked at you
“Y/n?” He called out to you and you smiled
“Gift from Thor” you showed him the shoe box and he took it from you
“Come in” you bit on your lips as you stepped inside. He looked at you up and down, that dress looked sinful on you, he had never seen you dress so sexily before, if he was still your man that dress would end up on the floor right now
You sat down on his bed and you could see the bundle of clothes he had on them
“I just couldn’t figure out what to wear, I’m so confused” you smiled as he said that
“I’ll choose a pair for you” you stood up and looked at the option, the clothes were new you could tell, they still had the tags on
“How come you are here?” He asked you but you didn’t look at him, you were busy choosing a perfect attire for him
“Bruce invited me, we stay in touch” his jaw clenched and nose flared as you said that, what do you mean you stay in touch. He felt jealous, so jealous but you don’t belong to him anymore.
“I’ll get showered” he grabbed a towel and as soon as he got Inside you let out the breath you were holding in. You chose a dark green jacket with white shirt underneath and a black fitted pants, you folded the rest of the clothes and kept it in his closet, your eyes glanced towards his old clothes so you took out an old shirt of him and wrapped it around your body. The shirts you had of him at home were losing his essence. You quickly put it back inside before he would come out and see you acting like a creep.
He stepped out of the bathroom with just a towel wrapped around his waist and that made you feel flushed so you turned around while he changed
“How are you y/n?”
“I’m okay, you?”
“Alright”
Once he dressed up you turned around again
“You look handsome” he smiled a little as you complimented him. He sat down on the bed to put the socks and the shoes on, but shoes had their laces out and he was so confused. You walked closer to him and got on your knees so you could help him with it. You placed his feet on your thighs and worked the lace, now all he could think about was the conversation he had with you on the couch in your family’s house, your hair kept coming in the way so you pushed them behind you.
His eyes were stuck to your submissive form and the clear view of that flesh you were showing off for him, he was tempted to pull you on top of him and suck several marks on your exposed cleavage. Once you were done with the one shoe you moved onto another, you looked up at him innocently and he was just staring at you with those pretty eyes of his, you could see several emotions flickering through them. Lust, longing, craving, love, that was your Loki. And he was aroused, you could tell. You still affected him and he still cared about you. That was a relief
“All done” you mumbled and stood up,
“Thank you darling” Oh how you have longed to hear that from him
“I’ll see you at the party” you turned around and left, there was a smile on your face that he couldn’t see.
You went back to the party and enjoyed a drink or two, you didn’t go talk to him again, you wanted him to come to you, but he was just staring at you while he sat at the bar drinking. Charlotte and Thor were dancing together, and you smiled as you looked at her. She sent you a filthy gesture with her hands that she was going to suck his cock later. Well You didn’t have to know that
When Thor went to the bar to grab a drink for Char he noticed Loki just glancing at you ever so often
“Go talk to her” Loki shrugged and shook his head
“Nothing has changed, everything is still the same, I’m still the man that destroyed her”
“You know that’s not true and you know that’s not how she feels,
Thor sighed and he went back to Charlotte, Loki wanted to do more than just talk with you but he can’t put your life in danger again. He turned around to get another drink and when he looked back he didn’t find you, he looked around but he couldn’t find you. That worried him. So he stepped out of the lounge quickly and he watched you heading towards the kitchen, he shouldn’t have followed you. He wasn’t strong enough to control himself from touching you if he did, but he couldn’t stop himself either.
He found you ransacking the refrigerator, you were probably looking for a snack or something but then you took out a popsicle and leaned yourself against the refrigerator as you sucked on it. It reminded you of him, that’s how he tasted, cold, hard, flavorsome. He couldn’t stop staring at you as you sucked on that phallus looking ice treat like that. You have always been a little minx and you must have known that he’d follow you
"I know you are there” he smiled when he heard you, once you were satisfied you threw the rest of the popsicle in the sink and washed your hand, he stepped inside the kitchen and walked closer to you
“Are you not afraid of being alone with me darling?” His eyes teared up as he spoke, so did yours, the pain might have subsided but the guilt didn’t lessen. He was still haunted by that night
“Afraid of my god? Never” you walked closer to him and your fingers latched onto his jacket as you pulled him closer, you looked up at him, your lips were so close to each other, he wanted to kiss you and so did you, but both of you were controlling the urge because there were several things that needed to be talked about. He never gave you the chance to talk,
“I’m not your god anymore” he whispered and your eyes teared up more
“You don’t get to decide that, I do, I choose my god and I only know one” you pressed a kiss on his chin and he moaned. Your hands sneaked inside his jacket and you grabbed the back of his neck, he shuddered as felt your nails grazing over his nape
“Where was your god that night? Hmm? Where was he when a monster like me hurt you like that, what is he going to do with me? How would he ever get justice for that?” You felt his pain as he spoke, he was hurting himself every moment for something that wasn’t in his control
“You think this isn’t punishment enough? This distance between us is worse than any punishment” you sucked on his lower lip and that was it, he wasn’t strong enough.
He picked you up and made you sit down on the counter, his hands cupped your cheeks as he kissed you feverishly, your lips felt cold, plump, wet and he was so turned on by that, you clutched onto his jacket and pulled him closer to you wrapping your legs around his waist.
“We need to stop darling, this can’t happen” you looked up at him, he looked tormented and you knew he was thinking about that night
“Do you miss me?” His eyes welled up more
“Why wouldn’t I miss you darling? I have been barely hanging on a thread without you” you wrapped your one arm around his neck and pressed your nose against the crook of his neck, inhaling his scent, god you have missed that more than anything. Your other hand wandered down and you rubbed his bulge over his pants earning a loud breathy moan. He latched his lips on your neck and you threw your head back to give him more space, you both have been starving without each other in the past two months. You pulled the zipper down and he wasn’t wearing a brief underneath so you pulled his cock out to stroke him
“Darling you have to stop” his mouth said something but he wasn’t showing any resistance with his actions
“Make me stop then” you stroked his cock up and down and he was so hard in your fist, every vain in his cock was pulsating with your touch,
“I can’t ..I’m not strong enough to push you away when you get like this, I never was” he pulled you closer and his tongue licked a swipe between the valley of your breasts. You wiped his precum off the tip of his cock and then you looked at him as you sucked your finger in, moaning at his taste.
He was just so entranced by your sexuality, he could never get enough of you he knew that, but then the guilt swooped in again so he took a step back, used his magic to calm himself down and zipped himself up, he placed his arms on the counter next to you so he could get his breathing under control
“I can not keep you safe, I tried and failed, you deserve a man who can keep you safe”
You stepped off the counter as he said that, you hugged him from behind and then you pressed soft kisses on his back before you stepped away
“My safety shouldn’t be your responsibility Loki, if I’m not safe with you, then I’m not safe anywhere and with anybody”
He turned around to look at you
“But I failed you so terribly, how can you even look at me with such adoration after what I did?” You smiled and grabbed his hands in yours
“Because it wasn’t you Loki. It wasn’t you that night, you’re not listening to me. How could I be mad at you for something that hurt you too, that crushed you more than it crushed me? you know what would have been worse? Thanos sending someone else to hurt me, for what it’s worth I’m glad it was your body on top of me that night instead of someone else”
Then you turned around to leave. He wished it was as easy for him to forgive himself the way you forgave him so easily. He didn’t want to lose you but he was afraid of losing you forever. Not just to seperation, but to death. He could have easily killed you that night.
At the end, you’re just a mortal After All and he had several decisions to make for both of you.
Imagine living at Avengers Tower where Loki also lives. After the election, you talk about packing your bags and leaving the country. At night Loki appears next to your bed, asking you to stay.
Written by request of @winterwriter8845 who wanted a Flangstysmutty fic involving Loki. I hope you all enjoy.
It was election night at Stark Tower.
Though there was food and drink everywhere, the atmosphere was more like a wake. Everyone in the room was paying attention to the election results, which had finally been announced. The winning candidate had been one that the Avengers had worked with before. A man who made it clear that he intended to use them as his own persona squad. He was a man whom no one on the team wanted at the helm, but here he was.
But as bad as the news was for the Avengers, they knew it was worse for one other: you.
The others noticed how quiet you had become as the news was announced. It took all you had to not be sick right there as you read the text on the news scroll announcing that the one man you feared most had claimed victory and in a few months, would be sworn in as President of the United States. That man would be your boss.
No one wanted to be the one to break the silence, but it fell to you to do so. Shock soon gave way to fury. Fury at the face of the man whom you loathed most in the word claiming victory.
“I’ve given years of my life to this country, nearly died for it more times than I care to count, and now I’m going to have to answer to him?!” You said, your voice starting low and quickly rising in volume to a shout.
“Y/N.. Stay calm” Natasha started to say. “It’s still early.”
“Stay calm?! He has made it clear more than once that my years of service as a SHIELD agent means nothing to him. I’m sure he will give me my walking papers personally.” You yelled.
“We won’t let that happen.”
“He can’t do anything for several months yet.” Natasha added. “And even then his power is limited. Despite what he may think.
Quickly you had enough of the whole thing and turned to leave.
“Where are you going?” Sam Wilson asked as you passed by.
“To pack my things…or commit treason. Whichever will get me away from answering to him.”
“Please don’t leave Y/N, let us try and sort it out first.” Steve asked gently, already formulating a plan of action. He was not about to let you be given your walking papers if he had anything to say about it.
“Fine but forgive me if I don’t hold my breath. Good night.”
Emotionally and mentally exhausted, you retired to your private quarters for the night. Flopping onto your bed, you buried your face in the pillows and hopped for a fleeting moment that all this was one big nightmare and that you would wake up to good news and breakfast in bed courtesy of a handsome gentleman. A gentleman who just happened to be a God.
Remembering said gentleman, another worry came to your mind. He had mentioned before he left for his mission that there was something he wanted to tell you when he returned. Even though he assured you it was a good thing, after the day’s events, you were uncertain that there was any news he could give you that would make you feel better.
Sorry, I don’t have any fic right now, but omg. This artist. Her page is linked here.
I don’t know if this is supposed to be Loki and Sigyn? The woman’s face reminds me a little of Jane/Natalie Portman too. But King!Loki, and Asgard armor Loki are my favorites. Obviously I like mythology, royal drama, violence, and romance too. I could stare at this for ages. Her dress, the blood on the floor…who did they just defeat? I love it. I had to share.
Summary: You were the one he couldn’t forget. The god of mischief’s former love before everything fell apart and he was condemned to a life of solitude. Now labeled a variant as well, you soon find yourself trapped in the void at the end of time. Confused and alone, you connect with the other versions of the man you last loved.
Notes: Kind of a quick one shot as I had nothing else ready to post at the moment. I hadn’t done anything for the Loki TV series yet either, so this is just a little something. The reader’s race isn’t really specified in this. They could be a human, Asgardian, or whatever you like.
Warnings: Angst, mention of character death, mention of past sex, a non consensual kiss at one point. But no smut in this.
You looked up towards the sky, eyes wide as yet another of those Chitauri abominations undulated overhead. An otherworldly scream left the behemoth as it scraped across the buildings as it passed.
But you could only keep running, glass and metal raining down as you did your best to dodge the larger pieces.
In your comm. link, you could hear the stress in your teammates’ voices as they alternated from relaying their own locations to asking for help if anyone was still free. The battle was not shifting in your favor. And there would be no hope at all if that portal could not be closed.
“I’ve reached Stark Tower! Can anyone give me a lift!?” You called out.
“Loki is too far gone, (Y/N)! I already tried! Get out of there!” You heard Thor’s voice in return.
But you had no time to argue with the thunder god. You knew Loki would still be too resentful of his brother to fully listen to him right now. The wounds still too fresh of finding out the life of lies that Odin had created.
Loki had had his identity torn asunder, but frost giant or Asgardian, you still knew the man you’d fallen in love with. And you would not give up on him now when he needed someone more than ever.
“Tony!” You called out instead. “Please, we have no other choice! If anything, let me distract him. Someone else get to the portal, you have to trust me!” You now had stopped in front the building.
The Chitauri soldiers on the ground had taken notice of you as you readied a fighting stance. “Tony, any time now. A little outnumbered here…”
“Got my own problems! Trying to get to-,” there were sounds of violent metal crashing and static over the radio. “Goddammit! Jarvis, reroute power from that stabilizer. Gonna be a minute here, (Y/N)! Cap, you still on?”
“Incoming for backup! On your six, (Y/N)!” You heard Steve next, even the super soldier sounding winded as you looked behind you just in time to see that flying shield connect with several Chitauri at once. They fell like wounded dominoes, even as you took out several more.
You’d run out of bullets several blocks ago. But you’d taken one of their weapons next, a staff that shot out some kind of energy pulses. It didn’t really matter what kind of energy to you though as you immobilized one enemy soldier after another, burning and blasting holes through them.
For a moment, you and Captain Rogers were back to back then, as he spoke just to you. “Look, I doubt anyone else is coming. Not before these things overrun us here. If you think you can make it to the top of that building the old fashioned way, I think it’s worth a shot.” He paused long enough to throw and then catch his returning shield yet again, the blood of the creatures starting to congeal on its edges. “Can’t say I’m a fan of that guy up there even one bit, but I do trust you.”
“Thank you,” Was all you could manage. There was no time for anything more heartfelt as the two of you exchanged last glances before you forced your way back towards the already broken glass doors of Stark Tower.
“Good luck!” You heard Steve call back, himself then running on down the street and drawing the Chitauri’s attention away from you as he did.
Once inside, you saw the power was still on for now, but it flickered several times as you’d run across the glass strewn lobby. You couldn’t risk getting stuck in one of the elevators right now as you still felt the building tremble every time another explosion echoed from outside.
Your heart was pounding in your chest as you’d started up one of the stairwells chosen at random. But you felt like a machine now, running up those countless stairs faster than you’d probably ever run towards anything in your life. Adrenaline, fear, and heartache were maybe the most powerful motivators there could ever be. It didn’t matter how many floors, or how much your calf and thigh muscles started to burn, you ran and ran.
But somewhere, maybe two thirds of the way up, there had been a much closer explosion. Your ears rang as you felt yourself falling backwards. You could taste blood in your mouth as you felt pain radiate all through you. You even blacked out for a moment before you’d opened your eyes again to find yourself bloodied and covered in concrete dust.
You could see daylight now through a massive hole where the building’s outer wall should have been. And a missing section of stairs that you’d just been about to cross before the injured Chitauri monster had crashed through it before flying on.
You could hear all the sounds of battle and death still outside, but you couldn’t let your thoughts linger on how close that may have been for you as you now just ran again and jumped the missing stair gap to continue upward once more.
You’d been here before, you knew where Tony’s executive suite was as you’d finally exited the stairwell.
“Loki!” You called out as you’d shoved open those doors. Everything almost looked just as it should. The bar, the furniture, only the panoramic glass windows were broken. Where Tony had been forced out against his will just a short time earlier you knew.
You paused only just long enough to see Loki’s back through the glass doors that led out onto the balcony and roof. The black leather, green cape, and golden horns, he was watching the battle from above, no doubt unable to hear you through all the noise from the ongoing war outside.
And you’d started towards him, only so many feet away from your goal now before a translucent rectangular shape emerged from nothing into your path. It made a sound as it did, several people emerging through it immediately, yet themselves wholly human looking. Not Chitauri, even as in the milliseconds that passed then, you’d already noted their black armor and the possible weapons gripped in their hands.
You’d lost the staff you’d been wielding when the stairwell had partially collapsed. All you could do was raise your arms reflexively, somehow even then feeling in danger before they’d spoken.
“Variant identified.” One said, albeit looking almost nonchalantly at some kind of device in their hand. Themselves upsettingly calm as if literal monsters weren’t darkening the sky all around.
You saw the others activate whatever weapons you assumed they were holding. You glanced back outside though to see Loki now walking away. He was moving back to go stand closer guard over the portal opening, farther from you.
“No! Loki!” You called again, as loud as you could as you abruptly made a run for it, trying to skirt around whoever these new soldiers now were.
“Not even a chance, sorry,” You heard one of them say, quicker than you could expect as they extended out that staff of their own. It barely even grazed you though as you’d tried to dodge just as quickly.
But it didn’t matter. Whatever their weapon did, you felt something almost akin to paralysis take hold. Yet, with one of your feet still frozen far off the floor as you’d been in mid run when it touched you.
How you didn’t fall forward, didn’t make sense. None of it made sense as they just kept talking before slipping some kind of collar around your throat.
“On behalf of the Time Variance Authority, I hereby arrest you for crimes against the sacred timeline. You’re coming with us.” The one speaking then motioned to the others as the paralysis abruptly ended.
You did fall to the ground then, unabashedly single minded though as you immediately tried to run towards the outside again, to try and reach Loki.
He was completely out of sight now. But just as your hands reached the doors, you were abruptly back to where you’d been, back across the room in the spot where they’d first confronted you.
Fighting, you fell, but then ran again.
And then again you were in that same spot where you’d been before. You should have been afraid, but somehow you were only angry. Somehow the strangers were doing this to you. All of New York City and honestly the world were now in the balance, and they just wanted to mess around? Who the hell were they even!?
It only took two times for them to reset you that way before you lunged for the soldiers themselves instead. You knew how to fight bare handed. And you had no qualms about doing whatever you had to to finish the mission. Of course your individual love was partly selfish, you didn’t want to lose Loki for good. But you were here to save the others as well, and you wouldn’t let the Chitauri overtake this world either.
You’d die rather than give up now.
“Do we really have to deal with this?” One of them asked, almost bored sounding still as you found yourself falling to that same spot on the floor yet again before your fist could connect with their face.
“Violent one isn’t she?” Another commented as you almost landed a kick the next time.
“Yeah, maybe that’s why they get along? You know what though, no, we don’t have time for this. Literally. We’re getting close to redline here. Just prune her and reset the timeline.”
It was getting harder and harder to get up every time. You stood again one last time though, glowering at them. “I’m trying to save us all you idiots!” You spoke, voice breaking in frustration. The adrenaline was finally failing you, all your body starting to hurt again as you now felt the beginnings of panic.
“Nah. That’s our job, variant.”
And that condescending tone was the last thing you heard.
They’d encircled you. You couldn’t block them all as one had struck you with their staff again. But this time it was wholly different.
A searing pain and confusion went through you as you could see your body dissipating before your very eyes. Just horror, and then….nothing.
You had failed. You had failed everyone.
———————————
There was no perception of time when you’d next awoken. You could only remember those last moments so clearly, that torture of seeing Loki walking away from you. Him not even knowing you were there at all before those soldiers had attacked you.
As you started to sit up, you found everything still where it had been. Even though you’d watched your own body disappear as if you’d somehow been vaporized, you still had your arms, your legs, your hands.
You flexed your fingers within the torn leather gloves. You were still a bloody mess, your body suit cut and ripped. The concrete dust was still all over as you tried to stand.
You may have some smaller bone fractures considering the resulting pain, but nothing that would keep you down as you tried your comm. link on instinct, touching the tiny device still in your ear.
“Hey. This is (Y/N). Does anybody copy?” Static was all that returned to you. “Thor? Nat? …Anybody?”
You took a deep breath, not yet ready to turn the radio off even if it seemed like such a longshot now. “If you can hear me…I’m still alive. I just…I don’t know where.” Was it some kind of side effect of the Tesseract? Maybe more portals had been created than Loki had ever intended?
“Leaving comm’s on for now. Hope to hear you guys again soon…”
It was all you could do as you looked out into the distance. You didn’t feel like you were even on Earth any longer. A cold wind blowing across a wide plain of grass and debris that seemed to have no rhyme or reason.
There wasn’t another soul to be seen. So you just started walking, taking off that damned collar they’d put on you as you did so.
——————————
“I’m just saying, we look for a better chair for me. The one I have now, it’s a bit small.” The largest of the people now milling through the new arrivals in a debris pile spoke up.
“Maybe if you didn’t eat so many Twinkies.” The child with them answered with an eye roll, picking up a torn and dirtied magazine as he considered it.
“Hello, it takes calories to support all this muscle!” The larger man retorted, flexing one of his arms in an exaggerated gesture. “I can’t help it that the rest of you always look like someone could push you over with a feather! And besides, he got a pool!” The man scoffed lastly, motioning to the alligator now clawing into some cans beside them.
The creature opened its mouth with a deep hiss in return.
“Which he says he found on his own, thank you.” The oldest looking of them spoke up then, translating haughtily, before he walked away a bit from the others. He heard them continue to make a few more snide replies to one another afterward, but he was only watching the ground for anything of use to place in his satchel. Of course one ear still always listening for that distant rumble of Alioth as well though as he meandered on.
It wasn’t until he heard that distinct change of tone in the child’s voice, that air of warning which caused him to also look up again.
“Hey! Someone’s coming!” The child called out lowly to the others.
“Not one of that fool’s gang again? I’ll bash their skulls in this time.” The largest man threatened, readying his hammer.
“You say that every time…” The child growled back, “And no, no I think it’s…a woman?”
“A what?” The large one replied incredulously.
That would have been a rarity indeed. At least a woman on her own anyway. Most typically were snatched up by the roaming gangs fairly quickly.
As the older man looked towards where the child had been pointing, he did quickly agree that the individual walking towards them had more the gait of a female. Though naturally there was always a spectrum of such things. There was really no telling, without actually knowing.
“Should we stand our ground?” The older man asked, specifically more to the child, even without taking his eyes off the figure growing ever closer.
“We outnumber whoever it is, so I don’t see why we shouldn’t stay,” The boy answered. “I’m not going to let them steal our supplies…”
But the older looking man just kept staring at the stranger. Something starting to nag in his instincts from deeper within as the figure became more than just a silhouette in the distance.
It was something so foreign, yet so familiar. An ominous swell rising within him as his heart rate began to quicken. That walk…no, it was more than just a woman’s. He knew that stride, that confidence.
Even the uniform, though so damaged, he had seen it before. On one of the very worst days of his life he had had to kneel before that exact bloodied uniform and the lifeless woman then within it.
“Oh my god,” He breathed abruptly, in a tone that surely none of the others had ever heard from him before as he then hurried back down the debris pile, far quicker than he looked as he tried to close the distance to her.
——————————
You’d been walking for so very long. This was truly a wasteland you’d decided. But some things were familiar and others were not. You’d finally seen the shape of damaged buildings in the distance though, and had headed towards them in the hopes of finding any other living soul.
Any living being, and hopefully some sort of answers along with them. You’d been right at least too, as you’d seen the distinctive shapes of people then.
Just three of them, and there was no way to know if they’d be hostile or not. But you had to take the chance, and once you were sure they’d seen you as well there was no point in turning back.
But you had tensed a little when you saw one break away from the others, now almost running towards you. But whatever combat training would have reminded you to be at the ready seemed to pause as your brain hitched at the very distinctive horns on the helmet of the man now bounding towards you.
“(Y/N)!?” He called out in disbelief, yourself only further hesitating at the surprise of hearing your name from the stranger.
As the man reached you, the look on your face must have only been of caution and equal parts confusion as you stared back into his amazed expression.
His excitement seemed to teeter on the verge of pain however as he stared into your eyes and the lack of recognition then within them. “Of course…of course you would not recognize me this way. Even for gods, age does eventually make its mark.” He remarked somberly, albeit also blinking to fight off that wet shine starting to form in his eyes.
“My dear…my goddess, it is I. Look past this weathered face, these clothes that you never would have seen in your time.” He begged. “The eyes, love. Look at my eyes and tell me you do not know me…”
The voice, it was different of course. But something you could not deny was familiar to you. The cadence, the terms…only Loki ever called you his goddess. At least he had before he’d fallen under the influence of the scepter and the Tesseract.
You did stare deeper into those blue eyes though as your mind continued to churn. “You…want me to believe that you are Loki?” You eventually asked aloud as if just trying to buy your own self time as you felt that unease growing which you could not explain. Something about this man made you unable to deny the insanity of his claim outright.
But so many other things had already happened to you today that you never would have believed before either.
“It’s alright,” He assured you regardless of your hesitation. “I just…I’ve never seen a variant of you here, not once. What happened?” But he seemed to regret the question just as quickly. “No…no, that’s too much to ask you right now. Please, please let’s go somewhere safer. I’ll tell you everything. I can explain everything that’s gone wrong. You…you don’t know how I’ve missed you.”
“I…” Regardless of everything else right now, you did feel that he was sincere, that he would not harm you. And you wanted answers. But you hesitated, looking to the child and a larger man still staring at you both in what looked like shock themselves. Was that also some large reptile near their legs? “Who are they?” You asked aloud. Could you trust them either?
“They’ll understand once I explain. Please,” He offered you his hand. “Come with us.”
Even in that simple gesture, it sent a chill through you. The elegant way his fingers curved just slightly, a movement you’d seen so many times before. Loki pulling you into his grasp to dance, wanting you to take his hand as you walked the royal paths and gardens of Asgard…how could this man know to mimic even those smallest traits?
And why did you not resist? Your hand grasped warmly into his own as you let yourself be led away.
———————————
You sat oddly inside what had evidently once been a bowling alley. A glass of wine that’d been poured from a box now in your hand as an alligator lingered at your feet still looking at you quite curiously.
But you needed far stronger alcohol than this as you effectively tried to summarize the lengthy explanations you’d already been subjected to. “So you’re saying…there is no such thing as freewill. That any time we deviate from our previously destined fate, we’re immediately erased to this purgatory to die?”
The others just nodded, before you only continued. “And that my…my deviation, or my nexus event as you called it was that I was supposed to be killed at Stark Tower that day?” It still felt disturbing to even say something so morbid out loud, but the moment the TVA had tried to take you was just before you would have reached Loki.
If you were never supposed to reach him, only death could have stopped you. You knew that deep down.
The older Loki only answered you softly. “In my timeline, dear, it hadn’t been just an empty hole in the stairwell for you to cross. The Chitauri swarmed in through it like locusts. Even you couldn’t fight them all off then.” He looked down again, thoughts seeming to drift off again to tragic memories only he knew.
“I was the one that found you…” He continued despite himself. “But for you to be here now means that I had to be defeated by the Avengers…I had to stay on that dark path to serve my purpose to the ‘sacred timeline’. And mourning you, knowing my actions led to you losing your life while you’d only been trying to save me…there was no real coming back for me after that. Though Thor did try…”
You glanced to the other Lokis. They had already said that they did not know you. You thought perhaps they had been pruned too soon before you or a version of you at least could come into their own lives. Or maybe you hadn’t existed in those timelines at all? But regardless, they all seemed to be experiencing some sort of vicarious emotion from the older Loki now as no one looked anything but somber.
Yet really, for now only one more question lingered painfully in your mind as you finally had to ask. “But if I had reached you…if I’d gotten to that rooftop in New York, and begged you…would you have given up your conquest even for me, Loki? Would my sacrifice have even mattered?”
You felt you had a right to know. You had thrown your life away for that intention either way. Clearly, if you survived the battle of New York, you were only then thrown to the void by the TVA to die. And if you didn’t survive New York, then you were just more immediately dead.
But the cruelty in your question may have been too much at last as you saw his hurt blue eyes meet your gaze again.
Yet he had nothing left to hide it seemed, answering anyway even through the clear struggle of emotion.
“I…I think I would have listened to you at least. I mean, you would have had to change something by facing me on that rooftop. They wouldn’t have deemed you a variant otherwise, my dear. But…I must shamefully admit, knowing who I was then, I may have only tried to force you to join me. Rather than give up my perceived kingdom…I would have wanted you to rule it at my side.”
“What?” The more boastful Loki you had deemed him, interjected. “Like get married? Take a queen? Lokis don’t get married my friend. And Lokis do not share power.”
“Spoken like a man never in love.” The older Loki just countered with a sad smirk. “Lokis can lie as long as they want. We do not want to die alone either. We’ve all always wished for a true companion. I just got closer than most of us.”
You tried to wipe at your own eyes without the others noticing. So very rarely had you ever heard Loki use that word love directly to you. But if this really was just the man your own Loki would one day be, if this is how your Loki had felt, you could only continue to wish that it had been true. That he had sincerely loved you somewhere deep down, even after everything he’d done.
But regardless, you’d never see him again now. If there was really no way out of here, if time stood still in this place, it was hell in the almost literal sense of the word. An eternity of suffering, special made for all of you.
As you tried to force those terrible thoughts back away though, the tears begging to escape, you felt a rough nudge to your ankle.
Looking down, the alligator Loki just rested his snout on the top of your foot, looking up at you with if you weren’t already at the edge of sanity you might have tried to convince yourself was not a look of sympathy now coming from a reptile.
You mouthed the words ‘thank you’ to him regardless though, hearing only a satisfied type of growl as he closed his eyes, seemingly content to enjoy a nap against your boots.
——————————
As could be expected there was no sense of time in the void. No real days or nights. But the boys had accommodated you as best they could you thought. Making a separate area for you to have a little privacy even within their Loki den.
It was the older, or as he jokingly preferred, the classic Loki that you were closest to of course. He was the most like the Loki you remembered. The one you still had silent hopes to one day see again.
You acted as a comfort for one another, with long conversations and sharing old memories none of the others could understand. You knew to him you were family he’d never thought he’d get to see again. And you were happy to help him relieve some of that ancient guilt as you assured him time and again that you did not blame him for your death in his timeline. You had made your own choices. The consequences were just what they were at this point.
But there was one odd thing you had picked up on after a while. He didn’t like you to leave the den at all. It was almost a fatherly kind of protection by now really. But you still had to push back on that. As Alioth or not, you had to have some fresh air here and there.
And you wanted to be useful, to help find resources with the others as well as do your part to protect them.
Eventually though, you did finally realize what it was he was really so concerned about. Not Alioth, or the gangs really. Or at least not a gang on its own, but rather its leader.
Even classic Loki could withhold truths from you it seemed, as you’d eventually been out looking for food or more drinks one ‘day’ you’d still call it at least even if time never truly passed here. Kid Loki and his Hi-C’s were something else as fast as the boy could go through those things whenever you could find them.
But boastful Loki had been your only partner on that particular hunting trip. And you’d been far enough out of each other’s sight when you’d heard a distinct whistle.
You froze immediately, those few special memories springing to mind at the long lost sound. That was the ‘hey, I don’t want to call for you all the way across the palace courtyard, but come meet me in my bedroom now’ whistle as your heart leapt into your throat.
Classic Loki wouldn’t do that even if he remembered it, you also knew that instantaneously. He’d never been anything but a gentleman to you since your arrival. So you didn’t know what else to expect as you’d somewhat fearfully turned around.
“Hello, love.” Loki almost purred, in that deeper voice you’d usually only heard when he was either very aroused or very angry.
But of all the Lokis you’d seen to this point, this was the first one that had the same face as your own Loki that you’d been stolen away from. Though the clothing was very different. A suit and smaller horns as he walked closer with his hands in his pockets, and an odd political button on his chest.
“I’d heard the lesser Lokis had adopted a woman into their group. But imagine my disbelief, trying to reason it must only be yet another boring version of ourselves. And then, a little spy tells me it’s not a female Loki at all. But a woman at least one of us had once wanted to call their queen….color me quite interested then.”
You straightened, cautious, yet unable to stop listening, to stop looking into his eyes as you’d wanted to see him again for so very long. But was he really like your Loki? All the Lokis were different, even classic Loki had lived so many centuries without you that he’d grown and changed from the exact one you remembered.
The way this Loki leered at you though, it invoked more the Loki who had obsessed most over the Tesseract. The one that had killed Agent Coulson right in front of the rest of you.
“Loki….” You answered, partly surprised still, but partly in warning as he neared ever closer to you.
But he wore your lover’s face. It was wholly unfair as he only smiled in pleasure as his name left your mouth.
“You know, in my timeline we did become lovers as well. But I didn’t let you join the Avengers…not until you promised to betray them for me at least.”
You stared, clearly disbelieving. “And how did that work out for us?”
He just chuckled, a dark sound. “Oh, just with you dead in Stark Tower yet again. You tried to double cross me.” He was now standing directly in front of you. “Love, I can only imagine how many times you’ve died on Tony Stark’s property by now.”
“Did you kill me?” You breathed, really starting to consider calling out for boastful Loki, not that he could possibly get to you to help in time.
This new Loki’s eyebrows raised, but he only looked your body over, not even trying to hide his want. “You really think I would ever plunge a dagger between those lovely breasts? Now, maybe something of mine between your legs of course…but only when you begged me for it, as you did quite often.”
“Oh? So it was just sex in your timeline?” You asked bluntly, the question legitimate, even if you might still be talking just for the sake of it, trying not to fall prey to him as you took a quick step back. But deep down that implication could still hurt if you let it, even though classic Loki had assured you you’d truly been loved in his universe. Maybe every timeline really was so different, that for other Lokis you’d just been someone else to bed.
What were you then to your own Loki? But you only glared then as this Loki laughed at you abruptly.
“And what would that matter if I only wanted physical pleasure? I don’t remember you being so sensitive. In your timeline, dear, did we only whisper sweet nothings and coddle one another late into the night then? Sounds awful…tell me, why in Hel would I want a kitten when I could have a lioness?”
That was it. His mocking tone was only growing and you weren’t going to be tormented like that, no matter whose face he had. You turned your back to him to decidedly walk away.
He was not your Loki.
But you can’t say you were surprised either when he immediately resisted your attempt to leave. All Lokis had to have the last word after all.
What did surprise you though was that instead of him spitting any additional venomous or insulting words to you in response, you just felt his hand grab your wrist roughly before he spun you back around and slammed his lips against yours.
You tried to push him back in reflex, but he only caught you around the waist, holding you almost painfully tight as his tongue then forced its way into your mouth.
It was somewhat frightening, yourself not used to the force. But albeit him tasting just the same as you always remembered him. It was so confusing, both knowing that this was but wasn’t right. He was a Loki, but not the one you’d let explore your body so many times before. In reality, you were being kissed by a total stranger.
There was a true cruelty to that as well that no one should ever have to experience, the familiarity enough to make you want to believe your loved one had been returned to you. Yet the heart knowing it was just wrong enough, and not your loved one at all.
To your further shock though, it was him that actually broke the kiss first. And as you stared at him, trying to understand, that is when you finally saw something more than arrogance or coldness in his eyes. You saw that trace of sadness all the Lokis had before he was able to conceal it again behind his own glare.
“You aren’t her.” He said so plainly, but with the air of someone who had just lost something very important all over again.
“No,” You said quietly, regret starting to tinge your own voice as you finally understood. He was looking for the same thing you were. He wanted someone he could no longer have.
You heard an annoyed sigh escape him, even as he didn’t let go of you. He sneered a little afterward, irritation evident as he just began talking again. “You know, in my timeline you did actually make it to that rooftop. But I’d gone after the other Avengers already. And I’d stopped Romanoff from getting the scepter, so there was nothing the idiots could close the portal with. I was on the verge of winning!”
He had your wrist still, his cold hand squeezing it harshly as he looked into your eyes while the anger of the memory grew. “But the humans were going to vaporize the entire city with one of their bombs rather than lose to me. So you decided you had to save us all.”
There was clear accusation in his tone, but you just kept silent as he confessed this to you.
“Ihated you for it too. I couldn’t understand why you would sacrifice yourself for those insects. If I’d known your plan for even an instant, I’d have taken you and fled that place. I’d have done anything, not to have just been left with that scene that day. You took the Tesseract with your own hands. You pulled it from the machine and broke the doorway. But it was active then, an infinity stone at near full power. No one there could have handled it bare handed as you did and not have paid the price!”
You stared at him. This was not the anger of a man that had lost just another toy from out of his bed. You did have meaning to him after all if your departure had torn this big of a hole through him.
But could he really not understand your motivations then? Why were they all so stubborn!?
“You really think I would have killed myself if it wasn’t to save you too, Loki!?” You shot back, even the fear of Alioth not enough to quiet your rising voice now. “I wanted you back! Everything I did, you were my goal! Everyone else was only second. Everything else was always second. I wasn’t any less selfish!”
It was the truth. It was all only the truth. Maybe you’d only gotten what you’d deserved after all. Maybe you did deserve to be here, a punishment fit for two.
But he was just staring at you now. And you couldn’t handle that either before you were the one to kiss him this time.
It was still wrong, but he didn’t fight it as he closed his eyes. This time letting you lead just enough to give the action more than just that sense of forcefulness and lust. You tried to kiss him how you would have kissed your own Loki had he been standing before you right now. Desire yes, but affection as well, that special emotion reserved for the most important person that had ever filled your heart.
And when you finally did pull away again, it was clear he hadn’t wanted you to stop as he opened his eyes once more. Regretfully he frowned, his voice the quietest it had been yet. “And is that how you and he used to do it?”
“Yes,” You answered. Only surprised again when he suddenly let you go.
“I may not be your Loki, and you not my…well, you.” He spoke, albeit backing away now. He hid it well, but something still seemed shaken in his confidence that he’d come here with. “But come find me again, love, whenever you tire of being treated like a ‘lady’ by that old man and his vagabonds. Come to me whenever you’re ready for some real physical comfort from a true Loki. That’s the best I can offer you.”
Your eyebrows lowered, the deja vu so strong somehow as he walked away. In the beginning of your relationship years ago, Loki had wasted so much time trying to prove to himself that he didn’t really need you. Just because he was so afraid of the implications and the potential consequences deep down. And it was like going back to the very beginning in that moment.
But you couldn’t say what would happen now. You could only try to keep surviving. Maybe he deserved to be alone, but maybe he didn’t. What was really right or wrong when time no longer even existed for any of you? “If Alioth doesn’t kill me first…eternity sure is a long time. So never say never I guess. Right, Mr. President?” You taunted a little back in reference to his attire, just loud enough that you were sure he’d still hear you.
To his credit, he didn’t even pause in his stride either. Himself not looking back, refusing to give you that. But you heard that sardonic tone drift back none the less. “Now that does sound a bit more like her…I’ll be waiting to see if there’s any more in there somewhere. Maybe you’ll surprise me one day.”
Once he was finally gone though, you stood there in a little residual frustration for just a few more moments before you finally began walking in the opposite direction yourself.
By the time you’d rounded a few more hills of debris, back to where you’d last seen boastful Loki, you were actually a little surprised to see him still standing there.
He hadn’t collected a single piece of anything you saw, and the momentary bit of shock on his own face to see you already back told you all the rest of the story that you needed to know.
So here was President Loki’s ‘little spy’.
“Please tell me you were at least going to trade me to him for more than just a bigger chair.” You grumbled, not quite sure yet how much of a scene you wanted to make about this.
“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” He tried, just straightening up into reflexive lies.
“Don’t.” You waved a hand. “I know all of you too well. I just want to know I’m worth more than a damn chair in this place. Can you at least answer the question?”
You saw him hesitate, no doubt that endless fountain of creative deceptions spinning full tilt as he tried to decide on which route to take.
“Loki,” You just sighed at him at last though, too many emotions in the last few moments to stay angry for very long. “He didn’t hurt me. You didn’t hurt me. So it’s not worth telling all the others. Whatever plot you have going on, they wouldn’t be surprised anyway. And if you just want to pretend that I’m an idiot, then go ahead. But let’s at least get some things to bring back to look like we did something out here.”
While he stared at you, you just grumpily followed through on your word, starting to collect anything that looked useful and placing it in your bag as if he wasn’t even there.
“I know you aren’t an idiot.” His voice finally spoke after a few more moments though making you glance back over.
He looked as annoyed as you however, just continuing. “He acts so tough doesn’t he? Like all of us I guess. But I really didn’t think he’d let you go after all his talk. What a pretender.”
You raised an eyebrow, yet answering all the while going back to sifting through the trash. “Well, I think he just realized I wasn’t actually the same person as who he lost.”
“No, I suppose you wouldn’t be.” Boastful Loki admitted, yet with a little weight to his tone that was a bit unusual for him.
When you felt his eyes still on you, you spoke again. “What? Look, the sooner we can get some supplies, the sooner we can go back. Are you going to help or not?”
His chuckle surprised you a little before he did finally start looking through the debris as well. “You know, if you can keep this failed trade to yourself, I think I’m safe to tell you one more thing.”
“I’m listening.” You responded, albeit only thinking he was going to tell you about some other predictable betrayal he’d been thinking of.
“I lied when I said I did not know you.” He admitted.
That was a little more interesting, but you chose not to show it, just saying, “Oh?” If he wanted to talk about it much further, he would. If he didn’t, he wouldn’t. You weren’t much in the mood to hear about yet another tragic way you’d died at Stark Tower today.
“Well, sort of. I mean, your name was (male version of Y/N) there.”
Okay, that was a new one. You were a man in his timeline? You couldn’t help but make eye contact with him again then. “Then how do you know it was actually me?”
“I was skeptical at first. Obvious differences in appearance of course,” He agreed. “But…the more you talk, the more you remind me of him. The things you say, the way you say them.” He smiled a wistful kind of smile then that instantly reminded you of classic Loki, as if he were reliving some old pleasant memories.
It was odd, as boastful Loki had never yet offered such a personal confession to you. But you couldn’t help but smile too, sensing the evident fondness he must have had for that person. “Was he handsome?” You questioned almost a little playfully.
“Oh, what, you fishing for compliments now?” He retorted tauntingly, but answered quite decidedly. “Of course he was! I mean, to me he was obviously. A warrior too.”
“Of course.” You answered.
“But it was more.” Loki continued sincerely, “He didn’t mind my bragging you know? He listened. He even enjoyed it I think. He didn’t judge me…”
You smirked a little, knowing that particular role all too well. Maybe some things never really did change. A few constants through all the timelines that even the TVA couldn’t stop. “It’s called love. You guys just take too long to label it.”
He hesitated, that sad look coming over him for just another moment. “I do miss him.”
You didn’t have to respond then for him to know how much you understood. You all missed your other halves…deeply.
But perhaps a real hero would emerge one day and do away with the TVA at last. Someone who could free the timelines and the multiverse for every single one of you to exist together again in your own branches just as you always should have.
ALT
ALT
