#meaningful

If there’s another life, I hope you’re mine again.

No words can describe the love I feel for you.

I’ll always choose you.

In any lifetime, in any world,

I’ll always choose to love only you.

You fill my heart with so much love.

I want to make you happy for the rest of my life.

You give me strength when I’m weak.

I can’t wait to spend another year loving you - and so many more. 

romancesuggestions:

I want to make you happy for the rest of my life.

throughtheeyesofmyself:

sometimes

you”ll never know the

value of a moment

until it becomes

a memory

itsstuckyinmyhead:

I can’t believe Carrier Fisher died drowned in moonlight, strangled by her own bra. 

mr-prism:

amhypnotic:

deeperforme:

scifiscribbler:

Wheaton’s Law, of course, is don’t be a dick. It’s not a bad one to live your life by.

So. When we talk, in D/s in general and hypnosis in particular, about limits and/or boundaries, what we’re talking about is stuff that’s a no-no. I have one irregular subject at present with whom the rule is: No touching. Another online subject has the rule: No image capture.

But! A lot of the hypnokink scene is about pushing boundaries. We love the fantasy of compelling others to do what they wouldn’t, or being compelled to do something they wouldn’t. It’s why interrogation play is popular, say, and why hypnotic blackmail is a (slightly weird, but hey) thing. There’s a transgressive element to the fetish, and in fantasy that’s often given full rein in a non-consensual fasion.

In real life, it shouldn’t be.

To play with this idea of pushing boundaries, the concept of a soft limit has evolved. I’m always surprised when I get fanmail asking about what I consider a basic concept, but I forget that I’ve been doing this since 2001, and that that gives me a large bank of knowledge which actually isn’t standard, so while most of you know what a soft limit is, here it is:

A soft limit is something where the subject will resist, but where the subject doesn’t mind losing the battle. A subject might define that differently between two hypnotists, trusting one more in this area, one more in that other area, dependant upon their rapport, their relationship, what the subject knows about each hypnotist.

(IMPORTANT NOTE - Hypnotists also have limits. I don’t do humiliation as its own kink. I don’t enjoy it, except as a minor aspect to access another kink, and I don’t do it. It’s often forgotten that the limits question goes both ways, and the worst kind of sub is as bad for pushing the wrong boundaries as the worst kind of dom.)

Soft limits are contrasted with hard limits. Hard limits are a flat no-no. For whatever reason. One subject I’ve worked with can’t risk anything that might put her job at risk, so anything likely to identify her is out, but is fine with certain kinds of imagery being recorded, say. Another might just really not find any appeal in the idea of, say, bimbo play, and shut that down. Still another might enjoy experiencing bimbofication through hypnosis but hate the idea of experiencing certain of the relevant body modifications, even as a short term altered perception.

And that’s fine. That’s kind of the point - they don’t want to do that. You don’t make someone do something they don’t want to.

Now.

Just as a subject may have different limits, hard or soft, with different hypnotists, their limits, hard and soft, may change over time. They may become more open to new things and they may become more specific; I’ve seen both. Sometimes you try a suggestion you think they’ll enjoy and it sours them on a whole area. Sometimes they watch a movie or read a story and get a new idea. Sometimes, as they build their rapport with a given hypnotist, trust-based barriers lower.

At any of those times, it’s important to check, to be specific, and to proceed very fucking carefully until you have a feel for what’s going on there.

It is, at those times and at all times, important to bear in mind that while sometimes limits change, sometimes they don’t. I’ve made this point elsewhere, but if you enter into a relationship with a subject thinking ‘she doesn’t do cam stuff yet, but she will’ or anything similar, you’re setting that dynamic up to be poisoned as time goes on, you’re setting yourself up to push, etc…

Enter into a hypnotic relationship with someone - this goes for subjects, hypnotists, and those who do both equally - when you’re happy with that relationship as it stands, NOT if you’re only happy with the one you assume it will become. You might be wrong, and you’ll probably end up with, at MINIMUM, hurt feelings and bad memories on each side if you are.

Should a subject decide they’re comfortable enough with you and/or themselves to expand their limits when working with you, be proud. Be honoured. Be grateful. Remember and respect that it’s their choice.

As a side note, over the coming weekend I intend to go back and tag my various advice pieces for easy access, using the hashtag #actually its about ethics in hypnosis

All of a sudden the term “soft limits” is bugging me. What about “limits” and “pretend limits”?

It’s not necessarily that they’re pretend.

Someone once told me they will not orgasm in front of a hypnokink class as a demonstration (planning things out ahead of time)… then, the next day (still before the class), told me they came to the realization that if they were sufficiently revved up enough before and throughout, that it could happen.  That’s an example of a soft limit.  It’s very conditional, others aren’t allowed to do it, and it requires pushing to make it happen.  It’s not that it’s pretend, it’s that it’s fairly conditional, it’s something that can be bent, i.e. by pushing.

Saying something is a “soft limit” isn’t a challenge to push it, if things aren’t right, it would bother them, that’s not “made up,” it legitimately would be bad for the scene, or for them.  Not everyone wants their limits pushed every single session/scene.  But something being a soft limit gives an option for it to be.

A hard limit, on the other hand, you just don’t go there.  Don’t debate the gray area, just don’t go there.  Just no.

Something being a soft limit also might mean that it can be bent, but it can’t be outright “broken.”  You can get into incredibly gray areas regarding said limit, but don’t blast through it and break it.  These kinds of things will vary from person to person, limit to limit, just communicate.

It’s not pretend.  It matters.  It is a thing that can go in bad directions if done without care.  It is something to be more careful about, a limit is a limit, and shouldn’t be called that for the fuck of it.

The use of “soft limit” here is notably DIFFERENT than what I was taught is the definition of a soft limit. This is why it’s so important to always define your terms and make sure you’re on the same page, even if you think you’re talking about simple concepts.

To me, a soft limit is “a thing you don’t want right now, but might be open to later”. You still shouldn’t push a soft limit because it’s something that is explicitly in the “don’t want, consent not given” territory, but it’s an area that is being marked as open to future negotiation. Things that people are interested in but are intimidated by, or they want to know their partner better before they try it, or they’re not AGAINST it but just don’t want to do it, or whatever reason they might label something a soft limit instead of a hard one.

A soft limit (by this definition) is still something that should be treated with caution and care. Don’t push them, don’t pressure people towards them. Treat them as something that is a “No” right now, but that THEY might choose to bring up and renegotiate later. Talk about them, but don’t nag or hassle. Never assume that a soft limit will go on the table as something to do. Always err on the side of caution.

But that’s just how I was introduced to soft limits and hard limits as a concept. Your mileage may vary, and I can’t say that my definition is THE BEST. Talk with your partner (LIKE THEY ARE A PARTNER!) and make sure you’re on the same page.

I feel like soft limits for me are a sort of hybrid of those two ideas; something I don’t want to do now though at some point in the future I might stop caring, but along the way there might also be times when I’m in the mood to dabble.

I’m already thinking about my next photo project and I’m so stoked for it already and so excited for the time when I’ll be able to show it to you. It’s something that is close to my heart and my whole identity is based on it. Deep, beautiful, meaningful and so accurate. I hope that you’re as excited as I am!