#poeticsighs

Darling, you gotta believe in yourself. Choose yourself. Show up, be aware, and present for yourself. Put in the time and dedication needed while doing the work. Take care of yourself. Heal. Make a mends. Forgive and forget. Make sure you’re okay mentally, emotionally, spiritually, and physically while always doing your best. You deserve to live life and thrive. You are loved. You are cherished. You are intelligent. You are beautiful. You are unique. You are everything you’re supposed to be. You don’t have to hide it. And, yes…you have flaws. A few of them. But, those things often change overtime. You have all that you need to have all that you want. You don’t have to ask for anything. You don’t have to beg for nothing. You don’t have to hide or minimize who you are. You are exactly who you’re supposed to be. Live your life. Gather your tribe. Manifest your dreams. Build your kingdom. Do what you like and love. Try what you hate and learn what you don’t know. Experience and explore this world and all that it has to offer you. There are blessings hidden within everyday with your name on it. Each day is a gift, every moment is a present. Be willing and open to criticism and learning. Be honest and truthful about yourself and others. Love yourself. Hug yourself. Date yourself. Let go and live. Don’t be afraid of the unknown or confused about what is know. Don’t fear anything at all. Go with the flow of what you’ve been called, positioned, and purposed to do. Embrace yourself. But, most of all…get rooted. Build yourself a solid foundation, safe haven, and home. For yourself and others by knowing who you are, what you stand for, & why. Never straying away from your truth. All of this your responsibility. This is how you discover your true identity. Take accountability over it. There is great power inside you. You deserve to be celebrated and known. Your DNA is one of a kind. You matter just as much as everyone else. There is no one else just like you. So, come on…tell and show the world who you are. Don’t hold yourself back or limit yourself. We’re all dying to know the real you. This is your time. Introduce yourself. “Hi, my name is…”

This can’t be it. This isn’t my dream. This won’t be my forever. I refuse to sit and dwell here. I refuse to give up. I refuse to settle. I’ve come to far to get to this place, although I’m passing through. I gave up so much of myself, although, I needed me too. But, this isn’t it. This can’t be it. This isn’t what I expected. This isn’t what I want or need. This isn’t it. I swear, it isn’t.

Sleep child, close your eyes & dream. Today is over but, tomorrow will soon arrive again. No need to wait up, waiting for darkness to fade. Morning will come. You will change, becoming different from day to day, although all else in the world will feel the same…

This is me. Love me or Leave me. This is who I am. This is all I have to offer at the moment. It’s not much but, it’s something. And, to be present in this place, conscious of this moment, full with these emotions, doing what I do while learning, believing in something greater with the best intentions, focused on my health, wealth, growth, and well being - amongst the ones who love and support me the most…this is all I need…this is all I have…this is where I belong…I’m good. I’m content. That’s all that matters.

There was a plan. There had always been a plan. For as long as I could remember, I had everything all figured out - until it wasn’t. Every details was perfect. Every area was noted. Nothing could go wrong as long as I stuck to the plan. I was going to be okay. Everything was going to work out fine - until it didn’t, of course. I don’t even know what happened. I can’t pin point a specific moment where things just fell apart. I just know one moment, I was in the prime of my life, living it up. And, the next moment, everything around me was dark and crumbling to pathetic ashes. What happened to the plan? What happened to following every single detail on the list? What happened to seeing it all through until the end? I had a plan. I was supposed to stick to the plan. I was okay. Everything was going to be fine - until it wasn’t. I had everything under control. I had finally gained my freedom. I was comfortable in who I was becoming. I was confident in my ability to maintain. The world was in the palm of my hand. I had a plan. I had a solid plan for my life…or so I thought. I guess life had other plans for me because this plan that I created…yeah, it’s not going to work out. It’s ruined. And, to my own surprise…I’m not sad about. I’m relieved. Maybe, the plan was supposed to get ruined in order for me to plan my next adventure, afterwards. Because, there was a plan. There has always been a plan.

Most days, I don’t feel good enough. Sometimes, I feel inadequate. Like, no matter what I do or say…it just won’t make sense. People won’t get it. They don’t get me. They never understand. Most of the time, I feel invisible. Not noticed or seen. I fade into the background and dwell amongst the shadows of everyone else surrounding me. My voice is soft and timid. I have no tone. My words are the sweetest whispers only a few who are close to me can hear them. I scream in painful agony, silently. Trying not to burden anyone with my baggage or being. But, sometimes…I need help. I shrink and feel small amongst crowds, so…I try not to take up too much room when I fit into where I belong. Even when cozy and nestled close in my position and role. I still feel alone. I still feel as if I don’t belong. As if, I am unworthy to be in this place. As if, I am undeserving to be where I am. As if, I should be ashamed of being who I am. But, sometimes…I need space. It’s exhausting and I am so tired. I need someone to talk too. I’m tired of changing. Tired of adapting. Tired of pretending. Tired of denying these feelings as if they don’t come from something deeper. I need someone to save me. This is broken. This is dysfunction. This is anger. This is sorrow. This is despair, grief, depression, rage, and confusion. This is a slow painful death to a person I love but, lost so long ago. I need for you to care. This is me. Breaking down to ashes. But, I won’t stay down here too long. I promise. I need to rise up and start over. This is my recovery to freedom…

Darling, I see you busting your behind to get where you’re going. That hustle is in your blood, that grind is in your bones and that ambition is in your spirit. You’re always quiet but, your actions speak louder than words. You stay to yourself and keep everything on the low. You hate a audience cause you’re not trying to put on a show. You go to work. You get a bag. You never say much to the world. But still, I noticed your voice. I see your stance. You growing up and maturing over time, you’re becoming grand. Can’t say I’m not proud of you, I am, I can’t lie. I believe in you. I know your future’s bright. I’m rooting for you. Keep your eyes on the prize. You got this. Ain’t no need to deny your greatness. You better own it because I know you’re in-control of it. Be yourself and embrace you. Love yourself or no one else will. You’re healing the wounds, breaking the curses, and ridding yourself of your chains. You’re rebuilding yourself and recreating the life you always wanted. I’m so glad to see you succeeding, after being told you’ll never make it. You’ve done beyond that. I salute you! It’s all love, kid. I see you.

In the midst of trying to love myself, am I trying to love someone else? I tried this before and it didn’t work out. Should I do it, again? I’ve picked up majority of my shattered pieces. With a little bit of super glue, I’ve managed to put this heart of mine back together. It’s not perfect nor does it look like the norm but, it works and functions as purposed. No strings attached, it hasn’t been sown to my sleeve or unraveled by anybody. However, it’s chambers are still full and being cleaned every moment. I know it’s alot to consider and even more complicated to ponder but, I have to find an answer before I die of fear or embarrassment. Will hurt win and triumph over me with it’s scornful gloats? Or, is it possibly for me to sanely indulge in the life of others in pure joyful bliss while accepting new love through a dream of life’s best? This is the question left existing in me…

I release what I have no control over. I let go of what no longer serves me. I relinquish my temporary desires and expectations. I surrender to my God and myself, alone. I accept what is and understand what was. I am walking away from my past. I am present, here and now. I embrace change for what it is and all it has to offer. I am thankful to be alive and well in all of my bodies. I am creating a positive life, working in an obedient and disciplined mindset, and operating at a higher frequency of pure love. I am no longer bound to anything or anyone. I am free. I am me. I am.