#sadlife
what the fuck is my life. someone come fucking kill me. thanks.
crying in the shower? never heard of it. lmaoo
No one in this bloody hospital cares. They are just doing their job
I know when I’m doing it…
Doesnt it suck when u know ur gonna kill yourself soon and u dont know what to do about it?..
“People have been telling me that you’ve barricaded yourself into your home”
“People are exaggerating,” he drawls, lying flat on the sofa, face planted down. “Anyone’s free to drop by. Its just that these days I prefer to stay indoors with my trusty cartons of strawberry milk and the rest of the essentials.”
Tsukuyo sighs. “Gintoki, I can’t be the first person here who told you that the way you’re going around right now isn’t the healthiest lifestyle.” She looks around, noticing the garbage bags piling up, along with stacks of JUMP comics that could flood a bookshelf. The furniture looked way out of place, and everything in general looked murky. “How has Shinpachi and Kagura not reprimanded you yet?”
“Cause they’re busy,” he sighs, not budging at all. “One’s in space, hunting monsters, the other now works with the Shinsengumi, under the supervision of his gorilla brother-in-law.” He finally gets up, stretching his arms out and yawning. His eyes looked darker, his hair askew. His attire, never changing, looked worse for wear and reeked of sake. “Everyone’s busy.”
“And you’re just living up the NEET life?” she retorts, not amused at his behaviour. He simply raises his eyebrows, and walks slowly to the refrigerator, taking out a carton of strawberry milk.
“…whatever. This business was never gonna be of any worth anyway.”
Tsukuyo sighed, knowing what was going on. Gintoki had never relied on anyone, but he never allowed himself to be this down before too. Something must’ve happened to him, but he would never let anyone know what it was. He would silently move to steel his resolve and fix the issues however he could, but now it seemed that the demons consuming him had taken up residence deep within, and it was clearly something he couldn’t shake off.
Gintoki quietly walks back to sit down on the couch, putting his legs up above the sofa table, drinking the milk with relish. Smacking his lips after a deep drink, he peers over to Tsukuyo with a questioning stare.
“So… what brings you here?”
“Checking up on you.”
“Well,” he waves around his arm. “You’ve checked it out. What else?”
Tsukuyo stays quiet for a while, seemingly deep in thought. Gintoki’s confusion increases, and he starts waving at her, trying to get her attention. A sharp whistle finally gets her to look at him. He sees her eyes filled with resolve, and wonders what’d she come up with.
“Come shopping with me.”
“Nope,” he retorts immediately.
“I’ll get you strawberry milk.”
“Already stoked up on that.”
“I’ll get you a chocolate parfait.”
“Threechocolate parfaits.”
“…sure, why not.”
*
Tsukuyo bought him everything.
They went to the place he normally goes to get him new sets of the Zunborans school jersey, along with fresh yukatas. She made him change into them soon after buying, complaining how he had left his place with his attire emitting a pungent smell to anyone close to him. Then came soaps, shampoos, deodorants. After that, they went to the market to get him groceries, because she vehemently complained that a diet of strawberry milk and chocolate chips was not going to cut it for his foreseeable future. At the end of the day, she got him the three chocolate parfaits as part of the bargain. They were now seated at the cafe booth, where he was maniacally gorging on the first parfait, while she enjoyed a small cup of tea, looking out the window.
Midway through consuming the second parfait, he looks up, beckoning at Tsukuyo. “How come you’re just spending the whole day here. Don’t you have Hyakka stuff to take care of all the time?”
She smiles. “I took a break today.”
“…and this is how you spend your free time?”
“I wanted to,” she corrects him, winking. Her smile widens at his confused look.
They come back home soon after that, and she stays on, helping him clear the garbage and wipe the place clean, and then helps him prepare dinner for the night. He soon realizes that she’s clumsy at cooking, and stares at wonder when she throws a very small batch of overcooked meat into the bin, too shy to confess that her trial run with the meat ended in failure. He smiles, approaching her station, and shows her the steps, explaining to her how its all left to a balanced mix of intuition and instruction with the cooking. She stares in wonder, nodding vigorously, while taking mental notes of his explanations.
It’s late night when Tsukuyo finally decides to leave, informing Gintoki that she’ll be coming early tomorrow.
“For what?”
“Hinowa’s found a job for you.”
*
Gintoki’s amazed at how the days turned into months, flying by so fast. The task of being Seita’s tutor wasn’t exactly the best fit for Gintoki, but after a couple of kunais to the head after the first session, he soon adapted into a competent History teacher for the kid, teaching him how to memorize the proper dates, and encouraged him to write flashcards and study schedules to help with the learning. It also helped that he was moonlighting as the sword master for the Shinsengumi, as the mayo freak approached him with the job offer, saying about how the police force was swelling exponentially, and he couldn’t teach all the classes anymore. Gintoki gladly accepted both the tasks. They paid well, they kept him busy, and he didn’t have to be alone with his thoughts anymore.
At Tsukuyo’s behest, he had also reached out to both Shinpachi and Kagura, who were overjoyed at the samurai finally talking and going out. Obviously, there was the usual scolding, but it didn’t take long before Gintoki realized how he had kept the two of them worried all this time, and actively offered to make amends. They demanded weekly calls, to which he obliged.
At a small dinner party arranged by Hinowa at her place, Gintoki glares at Tsukuyo, wondering how she had slowly peeled open the layers that he had been building up over himself since the war. She had quietly understood his troubles, and instead of forcing him into a compromise, she had slowly allowed him to take his time in reclaiming his space, silently and gently nudging him to do the things needed to fix himself. He takes a small bite of the food, slowly chewing, while ruminating on all the actions and decisions that led him to to where he currently was. Soon, he notices a hand waving at him, and he comes back to focus on a concerned Tsukuyo.
“…whatcha thinking?”
He smiles serenely. “Nothing.”
*
It’s one of those bad days. She gets a call from him late at night, and hears him slurring his sentences, calling out her name drunkenly. She realizes instantly, assured him that she’s on her way, and shouts out instructions to Hinowa as she quickly slips into her shoes to step out in the heavy rain. The stilettos were not a wise choice, but right now she doesn’t care. She runs as fast as she can, not pausing one bit on the way.
Drenched to the bone, she quietly enters the apartment, closing the sliding doors behind her, and sees him sitting on the sofa, arms lying out, one hand clutching a bottle of sake. Empty cans of beer, with few bits of liquor strewn close to his feet. He stares at the ceiling, mouth open, quietly humming to himself. She cautiously approaches him, knocking over some can as she walks. Hearing the noise, he turns his head around slowly, glancing at her, pausing to take a better look. His eyes glimmer slightly, and he stirs, a sad smile etched onto his face.
“You arrived,” he gasped. She nodded.
Tears slowly streams down his face as he let go of the bottle, letting it fall and shatter into pieces. He slowly budges towards her, and she rushes to him, immediately enveloping him in a warm embrace. She sees him melt, breaking into sobs, and carefully places him on her chest, gently caressing his head as he cried fanatically. He clutched onto her tightly as if he’d never let go, anchoring to her back, and she held on to him too.
“Takasugi… sensei…” he sobs, gasping for air in between sentences. “Why’s it have… to be this way…”
“You did your best, Gintoki,” she whispers, gently consoling him. “You did everything… you could’ve done.”
“But… it just wasn’t enough. It never was…” Gintoki mutters. “How I wish… I just wish… it could all go away. How I wish I could wash away the pain…”Tsukuyo listens on quietly, her own eyes welling up. Gintoki had never looked this broken, this fragile. And it broke her heart.
She unties her obi, loosening the top of her yukata, and peels of the overalls to reveal her naked chest. Freeing her arms, she gently cups his face, bringing him closer. She kisses him softly, landing multiple pecks while caressing his cheeks. He freezes for a moment before moving closer, removing his clothes, and returning her pecks with a long, passionate kiss of his own.
*
He pushes in and out vigorously, furiously kissing her. She hooks onto him, clinging onto his back with her legs while she she anchors her arms to his shoulders. The climax was coming soon, and she knew she wouldn’t be able to hold on much longer. A few minutes later, she comes, shaking violently while holding onto him for dear life. He climaxes too, gently descending down onto the futon to set her down, collapsing on her slowly after he finished. She brings him closer to her, gently allowing him to rest his head on her chest as he settles.
“You know,” he murmurs, as she caresses his silver curls. “This is not how I wanted our first time to be.”
“Don’t be,” she replies, patting him. “You don’t have anything to apologize for.” He glances back at her, quietly nodding, and she gently smiles, cupping his face. He clasps her hands, smiling back.
“Thank you, Tsukki. For everything.”
