Series summary: Sometimes, you might feel lonely in the entirety of the universe; of all of the stars, planets and constellations… Until it comes. The big bang that turns the world upside down, the reason why all the stars collide and why you, in the first place, are alive.
Part summary: Remus wasn’t as social as you’d maybe assume when you’d got to know him. Yet althrough his personal struggles, for some reason, Dumbledore had chosen him as his new DADA teacher.
A/N:Okay, this is more or less the first, informative, get-into-the-story chapter and there’s not much happening at the moment. I swear, we will pump it up, just give it at least two parts.
If you’d ever put a piece of parchment, inkwell and a goose quill and asked Remus John Lupin do describe himself with a few sentences, the parchment would be empty for a few minutes before he’d settle on one small word: a loner. He was alone for quite a time, he wasn’t too attracted by the idea of a human accompany; after everything that happened with Sirius, James and Peter, he wasn’t quite sure if he would be able to connect with a someone new at the time of speaking. The second word he’d most probably used would be ill - then, he would cross the word and write ’seriously ill’ instead.
There wasn’t a lot of people who knew what Lupin was going through or what kind of illness he was diagnosed with thanks to hiding away at the edge of every thinkable society; his bad state was visible just from looking at him. His skin was dry and almost transparent almost all the time and when his illness was getting the best of him, he even appeared lightly green. His hair was slowly thinning out as he grew older, but it still wasn’t as bad as it could be. The only thing that remained the same over the last few decades were his eyes.
The last sentence he would write would most likely say ’down to earth’. It was a rather generous name for not having much money, always looking shabby and, as some wizards or witches would say, second-like hand. Not that Lupin would be proud of what he was looking like, but there weren’t many things he could with it - wizards with his sort of ‘illness’ rarely got a good job proposition if they ever ended up having one.
For everything that was stated above and far more, it was a miracle when he got approached with a job offers from one of the most well-respected, smartest and brilliant wizard of all time, Album Dumbledore himself. The old man found him hidden away in Yorkshire, living in one tumbledown, semi-derelict cottage at the line of poverty itself. Remus felt like he didn’t have the right to complain; he was a damn werewolf. And thanks to the small reminder spoiling his whole face, everyone who could order him something to do for a living knew about this aspect of his life way sooner than Remus would’ve liked them to.
The night Dumbledore had walked into his humble home, he barely got one shirt that held together without patches; most of his clothes was patched up already - all of his trousers and coats surely. At first, he vehemently dismissed Dumbledore’s wish for Lupin working at his school as a DADA teacher. What Dumbledore was suggesting was pure madness. Remus always thought he’s a calm and tolerable man - yet when Albus told him everything that he was asking of him, Remus almost lost it.
Yes, of course - there were the mad werewolves like Fenrir Greyback who hunt children down just for sport and making sure that more and more people would be carrying this sick curse. Lupin hated these sons of bitches the most. He himself was one of their victims in the end. And Albus Dumbledore, the most brilliant man Lupin had ever met, one of the few that Lupin had real respect for was asking him to be a teacher at the biggest wizarding school in all of England, Ireland and Scotland? No. That was an offer that couldn’t be accepted, that was pure madness. He would never willingly get near such a cluster of young people who were full of dreams and had their lives ahead of themselves. What would happen if he would lose control? How many people would get hurt because of one slip? Did Dumbledore realize how many things he was betting by asking Remus such thing?
But to Remus’ surprise, Albus smiled dismissively and stood up from his half-broken-down sofa. With a serious face, Dumbledore had told him that now, he had a professor who could brew the perfect Wolfsbane potion every month and according to Albus, this said the professor was a potions master and genius. However, if Lupin wouldn’t trust himself as much to spend the night of wolfing out inside the Forbidden Forest, there still was the Shrieking shack, just like Remus used to remember it. As a small topic for consideration, Albus left there a small bag with thirty Galleons laying on the coffee table, so Lupin could at least buy himself the most basic needs - whether he would take the job offer or not, the money was his to use, to keep or to give to someone else.
After that, Albus left the cottage. He knew what he was doing and what Remus is capable of. When Albus was leaving, he was smiling and humming a jolly song; he knew very well that he’s leaving Remus with his thoughts alone and he knew very well that this lycanthropic wizard had one of the biggest potentials for teaching Albus had ever encountered.
Everything got sealed on one dark August night. It was mostly the idea of him and Black meeting that made Remus send an express letter to Hogwarts. Sirius Black, the insane wizard that had murdered twelve muggles and his very own best friend, had escaped from Azkaban. Anyone could tell how he had done it, anyone knew where he was and what was he planning to do. Yet Remus had the feeling he should be counting on Sirius visiting him; in the end, Black already murdered one of their small group of friends and helped with murdering the second one… Remus had the feeling that Black might be wanting to finish what had happened in 1981 and for that, he accepted Dumbeldore’s proposition. He was to be one of the Hogwarts teachers.
During the rest of the summer and hiding away, Lupin started to study the materials for each year he was to teach; back in his school days, he was one of the greatest students Hogwarts had seen. There was rarely a test in which Lupin got worse than Exceeding Expectations. It was mostly caused by his natural interest in the art of wizardry and by Remus’ gratefulness - Dumbeldore let him study like every other normal student and prevented him from hurting anyone else during the full moon. And DADA? Dear Merlin, he always had a deep appreciation for this class. One of his biggest DADA achievements was that he could cast the Patronus Charm without too much of a trouble. Also… The creatures were quite brilliant and before Lupin could comprehend, he was looking forward to sharing his knowledge with all of the young people in Hogwarts.
At the same time, he realized that he will be there. Son of James and Lily Potter. His name was Harry and he had last seen when he was smaller than Lupin’s forearms. He was nothing more than a sweet, laughing boy covered in one big blanket. How old was he now? Twelve? Thirteen? Remus couldn’t even count it down properly, he just knew that the boy’s going to be there once be starts his teaching career.
As to be expected, the safety precautions around Hogwarts got more intense - Nd so did everywhere else. Lupin was especially aware of that once a Dementor harassing a black-hearted boy had woken him up. And to his realization, it was Harry Potter himself who got into trouble. The most logical thing that came to mind was to talk to the staff and to make sure there are no more dementors inside the train.
Yet once he made sure the train was safe, he couldn’t bring himself to go back to the coupe and rather stayed in the corridors on a watch, trying to ensure the safety inside the train. His mind, on the other hand, was racing - James’ son, his murdered best friend’s son, was inside and he looked just like James. Except for the eyes. Those were, without a doubt, Lily’s. Lupin didn’t expect such a low blow on his very first day. At that moment, he promised himself to be better. He promised himself that he’d teach the kids everything he knew; and he was particularly excellent in this subject, so the kids had.
The first days at school were… Good. Lupin wasn’t particularly all over the place because he wasn’t quite comfortable with the all-the-time type of company. The other teachers tried to talk to him, to make him feel good about himself and the purpose of his staying inside the school’s walls and he didn’t avoid the introduction where the whole Great hall had given him short applause.
McGonagall, who was sitting next to him, persisted on Remus calling her “Minerva” and every time he dared to call her Mrs professor, she gave him a furrowed look, correcting him in her straight-to-the-point type of voice. Madame Pomfrey was also fond of seeing him after such a long time in a pretty good shape and Hagrid tried his absolute best to behave; there was still quite a lot of memories inside other’s minds that connected him with Sirius and Remus could understand the worried looks and careful words. Needless to say, the whole feast was delicious as it usually was in Hogwarts and after such a long and draining day, he was glad to walk the quiet and dark halls before he took off to his room, located close to the DADA schoolroom to have some proper and certainly refreshing sleep.
First classes after the feast in the Great hall were the worst for Remus. There were new faces to remember, a lot whole more of names and… At first, he was lost when it came to some of the students. The name of Justin Flinch-Fletchey didn’t crawl into his brain until the end of the first week; however, there were people of whom he was very aware against his better judgement.
One of them was Harry and his two friends, Hermione and Ronald - no matter what they said or did, they always looked there are about to cause some mischief. This, of course, could be only a feeling inside of Lupin’s guts; yet from other professors, he listened to the wild stories about the past two years; all of which had Potter himself in the centre. Another student he was keeping his eyes on was Neville Longbottom, the son of Alice and Frank. The fates of his parents were heartbreaking and growing up with his grandmother, who was a persistent and unpleasant woman at times, had to be hard for such a gentle soul. There were moments when Lupin could see glimpses of his own uncertainty and shyness in Neville’s words. At last, there was a girl from Hufflepuff named Rosamunda who caught his eye simply because her mother was one of his former schoolmates.
Kids who caught his attention naturally without having some sorts of a past connection with him were Fred and George Weasley who were friends with Lee Jordan, another Griffindor student - they were quite a loud and jolly party who, when the topic was right, had a lot of questions and were very curious about the subject. On the other hand, when they didn’t have one of those days, they could be annoying, to say the least. Another girl, Heather from Ravenclaw, had caught his eye simply because of her unusually deep interest in DADA. There were no students who would give him any sorts of trouble, which was also a win. As Lupin got a hold on his classes step by step, it suddenly didn’t seem to be so out worldly that he’d have the potential to be a teacher - and a good one.
Sure, there were concerns expressed by others member of the staff, especially by Snape, that were regarding his lycanthropy. Yet as Dumbledore had sworn to him, everyone was doing their best when it came to that - madame Pomfrey made sure that the Shrieking shack is at the disposal all the time, Snape was brewing the potions even though his mostly anti-Lupin agenda and Dumbledore himself sworn to him that if there would be a situation in which a student was to be harmed, he himself would prevent that.
Everything seemed to be falling in its place.
It was the break between the noon and afternoon classes in which Lupin was to assigned to have a patrol on the small courtyard opposite the Great hall where some students took their lunches so they could spend some time out in the open before the weather gets bad. And the occupation of the courtyard was quite big - some students were just taking a short break and played Exploding snap throughout, the Weasley twins were throwing some kind of small, non-burning fireworks at each other and there were even people who simply chatted the whole period away. Lupin himself was quietly standing in one of the corners, leaning into a wall dressed in one of his shabby sweaters and ate an apple while overseeing the whole situation.
There was a moment where he didn’t notice it at all - someone had crashed into a group of three students, taking two of them down onto the ground. It was hard to see what was happening there since there was quite a lot of people in the way. The only thing he could see were people picking off the ground as another person was running off inside the castle. Honestly, he didn’t know where to jump first - if he should go to help the students laying on the ground. - “I am so sorry! I will buy you a lollipop or something!” - The woman who jumped at them yelled over her shoulder and disappeared inside the castle. He could only see a grey sweater, long black pants and her hair flow in the wind as she ran for… For an unknown reason.
The only thing he had seen was her back, he could hear her yelling some nonsense at the students and even though, it knocked the apple out of his hand as he looked at her disappearing. There was something. Remus couldn’t exactly name it, but there was some energy about her. Yet in the end, he walked to the group to check on them, letting the woman disappear inside.
I swear that I’m nearly done with the first chapter of The Big, Big Bang (Lupin x reader), but I have a lot of college-related work at the moment, plus part-time job, I’ve been exploring a bit of wilderness and also I am not in the most creative of moods! I swear I’ll try to be done with it as soon as I can! Love y'all.
Have at least some photos I’ve taken on the trip. ✨
Sirius and James had shuffled behind Professor McGonagall across the castle to Dumbledore’s office. They had hung their heads low, and kept their eyes on their shoes to avoid getting a sense of what kind of trouble they were in. Based on the way McGonagall had spoken to them, and the way she had practically dragged them out of The Great Hall by their collars – they already had a pretty good idea. Professor Slughorn had assisted in getting Sirius’ victim up to the hospital wing to see Madam Pomfrey, because the boy could hardly even stand on his own two feet.
McGonagall sat Sirius and James down in Dumbledore’s office, threatening them with an even heavier punishment if they tried to escape before Dumbledore could get there. James and Sirius sat in silence while they waited. The incident replayed over and over in their minds as their adrenaline and initial fury began to fizzle out. The longer they sat and pondered, the more worried they became. The punishment that was inevitably coming was nothing compared to the guilt that they felt. The nauseating remorse was punishment enough for what they had done. No, they weren’t guilty for what they had done – rather they were guilty for the effects of what they had done.
Specifically, how it had affected you.
“Did you see the look on her face?” Sirius asked quietly to his friend that was sitting right next to him.
Sirius was beginning to feel really terrible. The stinging pain in his battered nose was nothing compared to the ache of culpability that he felt in his chest. He knew that he had messed up. He had messed up really, really bad.
“Yeah….” James replied simply. “I didn’t mean to upset her.”
James was disappointed in himself. James knew that he could be hotheaded. James knew that Sirius could be that way too. When both of them got revved up and angry at the same time, in most cases, James was usually more likely to calm down before things escalated – and most times Sirius could calm down too as long as James didn’t completely let his emotions bubble over. James had let himself get out of control, and part of him thought that he could’ve aided the situation if he had kept his composure.
“Me either. If that fucking bastard had kept his mouth shut then I wouldn’t have even….” Sirius trailed off from his original thought, because he knew that making excuses wouldn’t help his case. “This is my fault, Prongs. I knew better than to let it get to me like that. I didn’t mean to get you involved.”
James shook his head, cradling and gingerly massaging at the soreness in his knuckles. His hands were mild compared to Sirius – his hands were torn, shredded, and busted to hell.
“You’re not responsible for the way I reacted. My actions were on me,” James dismissed. “It’s times like this that remind me how much better Remus handles stuff.”
Sirius and James shared a light chuckle, a laugh that was more for breaking the tension more than anything else. Their amusement didn’t last long, because the moment that Dumbledore’s entrance was made, they were right back to cowering in their seats.
As predicted, James and Sirius were seriously scolded for what happened – although, Dumbledore’s discipline was much mellower than Professor McGonagall’s. Dumbledore had cut them some slack before, but those instances had always been much less severe. It seemed that Sirius Black and James Potter’s luck had finally run out, because they were sentenced to Friday afternoon/evening detention for the rest of the term as well as hand-written, lengthy apologies. Despite the grueling tedious and two and a half month punishment, the boys had honestly been expecting much worse. To be honest, James and Sirius were notorious for being able to get out of pre-established sentences, so they didn’t sweat it much. Besides, the punishment was the absolute last of their worries.
They left Dumbledore’s office in a hurry, hardly seeing the need to stick around for any longer than necessary. It was fairly late by the time they were finished, nearing around 9’o o'clock or so. The Great Hall was long cleared out, and mostly all of the students had returned to their House towers for the evening. There were a few stragglers here and there as the boys traversed the corridors together to get back to their dorm, but none of them were anyone they were interested in seeing.
“How’s your hand, mate?” James questioned when he noticed that Sirius was cradling his hand that had taken more damage than the other. “We can swing by Pomfrey’s if-”
“No. I can get fixed up in the morning,” Sirius denied. “I want to talk to her first.”
Sirius was determined to get this resolved before it had time to sit too long. Sirius was beginning to think that his whole “do now, ask for forgiveness later” motto might’ve been in poor taste. He needed to explain himself before you had enough time to think on it to get the wrong idea.
Sirius was taking this harder than James was. It was understandable, considering that Sirius had started it. Sirius genuinely and truly had been working on himself. Sirius had been trying to understand his emotions and his short temper better. He had been trying to practice patience and improve his communication skills. In the last few years, Sirius had learned and saw firsthand how his ego could hurt those around him. For the most part, Sirius had improved on all cylinders – but every now and then, he’d slip up far worse than anything he had ever done previously.
Sirius could only imagine you right now. Sirius had undoubtedly made a horrible day even worse. He saw you reduced to a puddle of tears and a chorus of sobs, clinging to Remus for consolation – wailing and blubbering about how much you hated Sirius for being so quick to react in unacceptable ways. That thought alone caused a hot rise in Sirius’ throat. He’d never be able to forgive himself if he was the reason that you ever came to detest him or either of the other two.
It frightened him as well, because that part of himself was something that was hard for him to control.
“Are you sure? To be honest, you really look like shit.” James asked again, continuing to walk alongside Sirius.
Sirius didn’t even have a snarky remark for that. If Sirius looked even an ounce as he felt, then he was sure that James’ statement was true. A bloodied nose and battered face and hands wasn’t a good look for Sirius – no matter how good the glory of a violent victory felt.
“I’m sure. I’ll deal with it later.” Sirius confirmed, and James didn’t ask again.
By the time they reached the dorm, anxiety had done its job of making them both a spiral of nerves. James felt like he was going to be sick, because he truthfully didn’t have even an inkling of what he was going to say. What could either of them say? They had shown a less than pleasant performance, and had gone against your wishes in a way that was far worse than anything you could’ve imagined. They had messed up, and they knew it.
Sirius and James were slow as they entered, peeking their heads around the door rather than entering fully. Sirius’ mental image wasn’t met when they caught the first glance of the inside of their dorm. You weren’t wrapped around Remus in a desperate manner. There were no sounds of crying or obvious upset. The only inhabitant of the room was Remus, who was standing at the circular mirror on the wall. He examined his face, peering at his right cheek that had been struck from a stray punch during the scuffle. Compared to Sirius, it was nothing more than a scratch.
“Where is she?” James asked, not wasting any time getting to the point.
Remus sighed, shaking his head and turning from the wall to look at them.
“I don’t know.” Remus admitted.
Sirius’ stomach sank to his feet and bounced back up into his throat. If you weren’t here, then there was no telling where you had run off to.
“You don’t know?” Sirius questioned. “How do you not know where she is?”
“Well after you two decided to beat that guy to a pulp, I was pulled aside for questioning on your behalves….since McGonagall had you two tied up with Dumbledore, I had to do all the explanations everywhere else,” Remus revealed. “She was gone before I could go after her.”
“Do you have any idea where she is?” Sirius asked next in hopes of Remus maybe having an idea of where you could’ve gone.
“She’s probably with Lily and Marlene. They went looking for her when I got caught up.” Remus answered, his arms crossing over his chest.
James piped up this time. His jitters were so strong that he couldn’t even stand still.
“They’re probably in their dormitory.” James announced, looking at Sirius as if to communicate with him that they needed to go.
Remus caught the look, and stopped them before either of them could even take a step.
“I wouldn’t do that. She’s upset enough as it is. It might be best to let this sit until morning.” Remus advised, and Sirius disagreed.
“Remus, we can’t wait that long.” Sirius argued, his voice weighty and determined.
“Might I remind you that she is not happy with either of you right now,” Remus fired back. “Let it go for tonight. We’ll settle it in the morning.”
Remus had a point, but they really wished that he had been wrong for once. If nothing else, it would give them a little more time to think about what they were going to say.
“It’ll be fine, mate. Just give her some time,” Remus approached them, clapping his hands on each of their shoulders. “Come on. Go get yourselves cleaned up.”
James managed to get washed up much more quickly than Sirius. That wasn’t surprising, considering that Sirius had taken a worse beating than James had. James chatted and talked about anything that he could to anyone that was listening. James talked when he was nervous – the running of his mouth distracted him. James was cleaned and fixed up in about ten minutes, and he looked significantly better. While he looked better, he surely didn’t feel any better. He crawled into his bed once he was washed up, preparing for a sleepless night and several hours of tossing and turning. James could never sleep when he had an anxious mind, and it happened more often than most people would’ve thought.
Remus had gone to bed shortly after James, leaving Sirius to his lonesome to tend to his injuries. Sirius stood at the sink in the washroom, looking at himself in the mirror as he carefully wiped at the dried blood under his nose and around his mouth. As the blood remoistened, it dripped down his chin and soaked into the rag that he was using to get clean. He rinsed the rag out into the sink, watching the pink-stained water flood down the drain in almost an instant. His knuckles hurt the most, and his eyes involuntarily filled with tears when he cleaned them under the stream of water. He winced a few times at the tender, stinging flesh on his upper lip that was painfully sensitive when he touched it. It probably needed stitches, but Sirius didn’t feel much like getting it taken care of.
He couldn’t get you out of his head. Every passing thought was related to you. Your quiet plea to leave the situation alone replayed over and over in his head, like a record needle stuck on the same groove. He couldn’t get the image of your tearful eyes, the same ones that were usually so full of adoration and love, looking at him with horror and disappointment. That was the hardest part of this whole thing for him. He could get over you being mad or you being annoyed with him – those were things that he could come to terms with. But the thought of you being disappointed in him, the mere idea of you having any kind of displeasure for him absolutely killed him. He only had himself to blame for that, and blaming himself is exactly what he was doing.
He glared at his reflection that stared back at him. His swollen eye and busted lip were prevalent, and they were a sight to see. The throbbing in his eye and the heat coming off of it practically unnoticeable compared to the anger that he felt in his heart for himself. He found himself lost in his own eyes, drowning in the pools of gray that he was picking apart every aspect of.
Sirius had messed up so many times, and each time felt worse than the last. He wanted to be a good person. He wanted to be the best man that he could be for you, the boys, and himself – but it seemed that the more time that went by, the more that Sirius realized that he’d never be the man that he wanted to be. Sirius would admit that he regretted more of himself than he praised.
It was moments like this that reminded Sirius Black of the hate that he harbored for himself. Sirius was critical of himself. He could easily write himself off and present himself as a “go with the flow” or a “it is what it is” kind of guy. For the most part, that was what he did. He had painted this picture of himself and constructed this facade for others to view him as confident and sure with everything. That was one of the endless things that he admired about you – you had always been able to see straight through his false image.
He didn’t see anything good when he looked deeper into himself. He saw a hateful, spiteful, and dishonorable man that wasn’t worth the time of day and that didn’t deserve the warm drink of your love that you overfilled his cup with over and over again. Sirius knew that he didn’t show it enough, and he knew damn well that he didn’t say it enough – you meant absolutely everything to him. Sirius couldn’t put it into words, and oftentimes he had a hard time revealing it in his actions. Sirius couldn’t understand how he could love someone so much when his heart was so full of resentment. And the part that he really didn’t understand was how someone with such a pure, loving heart such as you could even spare someone like him a passing glance. You shouldn’t have given him anything. Sirius found guilt within himself that you loved someone like him. You deserved someone better – someone who wasn’t like him.
You were every flower in a summer field on a hot July day. You were the peaceful rainbow after every raging rainstorm. You were the calculated answer to all of his burning questions. In a black night sky full of glittering, dancing stars – you were every single one. After all of Sirius’ wrongs that seemed to outweigh the rights, he hoped and he prayed that he would be even a single being in your universe.
****
As predicted, neither James nor Sirius slept any real amount. They rolled and shifted in their beds all night trying to get comfortable enough to get some sleep – but they couldn’t find a position that slowed their racing minds. For a Saturday morning, they were up and going much earlier than usual. Sirius’ head perked up from his pillow when he heard James’ feet hit the floor, his good eye squinting to peer at him in the morning light. James noticed his stare, and grimaced at how Sirius’ appearance had changed overnight. His eye had swelled and turned a gnarly shade of black and blue, and his lip was red and irritated.
“Did you sleep?” James asked, his voice groggy with exhaustion.
“No.” Sirius replied as he watched James sluggishly pull a t-shirt over his shirtless frame.
“Me either,” James remarked. “Where’s Moony?”
Sirius’ sat up on his elbows to look over at Remus’ bed, and he was surprised to see that the bed was neatly made and arranged as it always was whenever he was out for the day. His Gryffindor robes were draped over his trunk that was stationed at the end of the bed, which was an indicator that he’d be back soon.
“He probably went to get breakfast,” Sirius guessed, groaning at the screaming soreness in his muscles when he sat up completely. “I hurt so bad.”
“I don’t doubt it.” James came to the side of Sirius’ bed, offering a hand to get him on his feet.
Truthfully, Sirius didn’t hurt as badly once he was up and moving around. He slowly dressed himself and was careful not to accidentally aggravate his hand or his face. He felt like he had been hit by a train, and he was sure that he didn’t look much better. James and Sirius dragged themselves silently around as they got ready, not bothering to look overly presentable for a regular Saturday. Their movements were laggy and tortuous as they maneuvered around, because they both hurt something awful. James was positioned on the end of his bed, his left foot cautiously propped on his right thigh as he tied the laces on his shoes. His mind hadn’t stopped reeling for well over twelve hours now, and the longer it went unresolved, the worse that it got.
“Hey, Pads?” James called, only continuing once he had Sirius’ attention. “Do you think she’ll forgive us?”
Sirius didn’t have a chance to answer, and he was thankful that he didn’t have to. The door to their dormitory opened, and Remus entered with smuggled food balanced in his hands. He had wrapped up some easy breakfast to-go items for the other two, because he figured that they didn’t feel up to sitting down for a meal.
“Hey, Moony.” Sirius greeted casually.
“Hey. I brought you two some breakfast,” He announced, splitting the pile evenly between the two of them. “I figured you were hungry.”
They were starving, considering their dinner was cut short the night before. James needed some nutritional energy to hopefully settle his nerves, his fingers working diligently to peel the skin off of the banana in his hand. As hungry as Sirius was, he was positive that he wouldn’t be able to hold anything down long enough to sustain him with any real nourishment. Sirius’ was visibly troubled as he looked at Remus with a look of expectation. Sirius had waited, and he had waited long enough.
“I talked to Lily,” Remus began. “She said that everything is fine.”
James spoke through bites of banana, his voice muffled as he made an attempt to talk.
“How is she?” James asked, referring to your current state.
“Lils said she’s on and off….and still not happy with any of us,” Remus recalled the information that Lily had shared with him. “But more so with you two.”
“What is she mad at you for?” Sirius’ question fell from his mouth before he had any real time to think about the answer.
“I think she’s upset with all of us for getting involved one way or another,” Remus remarked, and it hurt his heart just as much as the other two to know you were dissatisfied with him. “Once you two finish eating we can go.”
James suddenly finished the last of his curved fruit in one big bite, forgetting about the rest of his wrapped goodies until later.
“Let’s go now.” He gargled through chewing, tying his other shoe quickly and rising to his feet.
Sirius wanted to get this over with. Not because he was dreading it or wanted to get it resolved the easiest, quickest way – but because he wasn’t sure how much longer he could handle the guilt. It was miserably slow as it ate away at him, and he needed to get his sincere apology heard. The boys regrouped with one another and left their dorm, preparing for whatever kind of reaction they were going to get from you. They were quiet as they walked down the boys’ staircase and up the girls’.. There really wasn’t much that could be said, because at this point it had all pretty much been said. Sirius let out a shuddering exhale when your door came into view as they turned a corner. Remus heard his noise of stress, and took a moment to reassure both him and James.
“Take it easy, mate,” Remus smiled at his two best pals. “It’ll all be fine.”
They sure hoped that Remus was right, because if it wasn’t going to be fine – then they had no idea what they were going to do.
Remus took the lead on this. His light knocks on the large wooden door were dulcet in an attempt to avoid making too much noise. It was still fairly early, and most of the inhabitants of the Gryffindor tower were still sleeping. The last thing Remus wanted was to wake anybody up and cause another kind of stir.
James and Sirius shifted on their feet from where they stood behind Sirius. Their fidgeting from the heightened anxiety wasn’t even worth hiding, and hiding it honestly made it worse. Sirius’ heart skipped a couple of beats when the knob turned to open the door from the inside. Lily was the one who appeared in the now open doorway, her emerald eyes looking at the three of them standing together. Lily didn’t bother with a greeting, because none of them were there to see her.
“She’s in bed. She won’t get up,” Lily stated, keeping her voice hushed. “Just….try not to upset her any more.”
Lily was tired. She and Marlene had been up most of the night trying to console you the best that they could. With a little time and patience, they had managed to get you calmed down enough to get some sleep. They weren’t sure how restful it was, but at least it gave you some kind of break.
Remus nodded at her request, taking glacial steps inside when Lily stepped aside to allow them in. Marlene was gone for the morning, and Lily was going to follow suit once you were aware that they were there for you. You were curled up on your mattress, half underneath the sheets with your back towards the door. Lily moved to the side of the bed that you were facing, signaling for the boys to wait for a few moments.
“Hey….” Lily tilted her head as she looked down at you. “The boys are here.”
Lily had honestly expected you to start crying again when your eyes flickered up to hers. They were glassed over with remnants of tears, but the tears didn’t fall.
“They want to talk to you. Will you speak with them?” Lily questioned in her lightest, sweetest tone. Lily glanced up for a moment at Sirius, who was so pale that he looked ghostly. “I think Sirius could use a hug.”
James felt his halfway breakfast churning in his stomach. Now he had wished that he had decided to brave this on an empty stomach. When you sat up from your balled up position, they straightened up and stood a bit taller to look more confident in their presence. Lily smiled at you, and told you that she was going to be heading out for a little while. Once Lily was gone, it was just the four of you in the quiet room. They were frozen still until you looked over first.
Your gaze landed on Sirius first, and you couldn’t help the look of shock and alarm on your expression at his tyrannized face and abused hands. You hadn’t expected him to look so bruised and roughed up.
“Hey there, bunny.” Remus said first, approaching you cautiously.
He sat on the free space on the side of the bed, and Sirius and James didn’t know what to do other than to copy Remus’ motions.
“Hi, puppy.” Sirius greeted as neutrally as he could.
He was nervous, and it was a visible tell.
“Hey, angel.” James offered a small smile.
James was even more nervous, the slight shake in his hands giving it away.
“Hi.” You squeaked, and all three of them immediately felt the tiniest bit of relief.
This felt more standard. The three of them huddled around you in whatever open space they could get comfortable in on the small Hogwarts’ beds. The context of the conversation wasn’t ideal, but at least the familiarity of the positioning offered some delay in the tense atmosphere. The beats of silence that passed weren’t awkward, but rather hesitant. Everything that James and Sirius had come up with to say had vanished into the abyss of their subconscious. They were flying blind now, and whatever they were going to say was going to be whatever they could come up with.
“You look tired.” You spoke feebly, looking at James with the intentions of your words.
James was the most tired of all three of the boys. You weren’t wrong that it showed on his face, and he hoped that this would be settled well enough so that he could sleep the rest of the day.
“Oh, I’m a little tired,” James replied. “Just worried about you.”
The edge of the sheet over your lap was in your hands as you fiddled with it. The fact that all three of them were nervous on different levels made you nervous. Sirius was sitting at the foot of the bed, dragging his fingertips back and forth across the soft material of your blanket. He was doing it as a sensory distraction, and he hoped that it would relax him enough so that he could actually come up with something to say.
“We’ve all been worried about you,” Remus added. “You were very upset last night.”
There was a beat. A silence. And then a response.
“I asked you not to say anything.” You mumbled, toying with the sheet as you avoided any and all eye contact.
None of them knew who exactly you were referring to, but the burning ditch that opened up in Sirius’ gut gave him a pretty good idea. Despite his initial aggravation, Remus knew that neither Sirius nor James had acted the way that they had with the intent of disquieting you. He knew his friends inside and out, and he knew how they felt about you. No price was too big for the sake of defending you. Remus was pretty sure that you knew that as well, but he also understood where you found discomfort with the fact that they had acted that way after you had asked them not to.
“They were saying bad things about you, lovely. We couldn’t just let them say that.” James continued as charily as he possibly could.
He wasn’t trying to argue. He just wanted to explain the situation as coherently as he could.
“I deserved it,” You replied back. “I was stupid during Potions yesterday.”
“You weren’t stupid, and that doesn’t excuse what he said, princess. Never, ever should anyone talk about you like that.” Remus backed James up.
Sirius was silent. There weren’t any words coming to or from his brain. He was so embarrassed and ashamed of himself that he didn’t even know how to articulate anything. All he could do was listen and watch the best that his frazzled mind possibly could. He was so indignant with himself and so dispirited that he didn’t blame you for not accepting his apology.
“You didn’t have to be so….violent.” You muttered, and now the shared spotlight was shining on James and Sirius.
Neither of them really had much of a good explanation for why that was their best resolution to the problem. They could go on about how they could be hot headed and short-tempered….but that wasn’t one of those arguments that would hold up very well. Sirius felt a fiery balloon swelling in his throat – when that balloon popped, the waterworks were going to come with it.
James was handling this much better than Sirius and Remus had expected. He was still very obviously nervous, but he was doing a nice job of communicating his thoughts and feelings.
“I wasn’t trying to hurt anyone, my love….well, I was but it wasn’t for a reason that I didn’t find important to me,” James vindicated. “I care about you and I love you. At the time, that was how I wanted to handle it.”
You didn’t like that answer. The shake of your head and the abrupt sob that escaped your chest let James know that was not a response that you wanted to hear, even if it was the truth. The tears leaked from your eyes and spilled down your cheeks like raindrops racing on a clear glass window.
“But I don’t want you to handle things like that!” You wailed. “I don’t want you to get in trouble because of me and I don’t want you to hurt anyone!”
James felt a pang of remorse for setting you off again, but if it meant getting his point and apology across – then he supposed it was best. Remus noticed something odd in this quick couple of passing seconds. Your tears were notably genuine and you were clearly distressed….but your tears and your reaction seemed to be more of a panic response than anything else.
“Take a breath, bunny. He’s not trying to upset you,” Remus mediated, moving to sit behind you so you could cuddle up against him. Remus rocked you in response to your choked up cries. “What about this has you shaken up so badly?”
“It-It’s just….I didn’t-” You hiccuped. “Sirius was just so mean.”
The balloon in Sirius’ throat exploded at those words. The tears pooled in his eyes and it took everything he had to hold them back. Remus and James felt sympathetic for Sirius, because they knew that what you had said didn’t help how hard he was undoubtedly being on himself. Sirius’ lips parted as if he was going to say something, but the words still didn’t come. Sirius’ lower lip wobbled as he strained to keep the flooding tears from making their escape. There probably wasn’t anything that he could say to make you think of him the same way again.
“I think you’re being a little unfair to Pads, bunny.” Remus admitted.
“He feels really, really bad about all of this.” James piped up.
Remus used his sleeve to wipe away your tears, hoping it would help compose yourself better.
“I was so scared that he was going to get hurt and then it’d be my fault,” You blubbered on. “I didn’t want Siri to get hurt.”
Even after all of this, Sirius’ wellbeing had been the root of most of your concern. Sirius felt like such a jerk. He had done just about everything you had asked him not to do and you still were more worried about him. This was one of those things that Sirius knew to be true about how you felt about him.
Remus cast Sirius a glance, and it stung his heart to see one of his best pals nearly reduced to tears. Sirius didn’t get worked up in this kind of way often – and it took a lot to get him so rattled.
“Siri isn’t badly hurt, darling. And Siri and Jamesie both love you very much,” Remus professed you. “I know that it wasn’t the best decision, but it only happened because we all love you.”
“We love you so very much. It won’t happen again.” James assured you.
Sirius needed to speak. He used whatever brain power he had left to come up with something. A phrase, a word, a noise, absolutely anything that he could. He didn’t care what he came up with, just as long as he didn’t let this moment get away without him asking for forgiveness. If he had to fall to his knees and bawl into your lap and gasp for air between every snivel to show his remorse then so be it.
But that didn’t happen. His shoulder began to quake with the vibrating weep that was so close to expelling from his chest. It wasn’t until your eyes met his, the same dazzling ones that he found so much faith and comfort in, that he let it all go.
“I’m sorry.” Sirius cracked, and he couldn’t hold back his tears anymore.
It felt like such a sore apology. After all he had done and said to lead up to this point, “I’m sorry” just didn’t seem that it was even nearly enough. There were millions of more things that he could’ve and probably should’ve said – but that two word infamous phrase was all he could murmur. But as always, you could see Sirius for who he really was. Now was not an exception to the way that you could flawlessly read Sirius without error or misunderstanding. Despite the simplicity of his words, you felt the weight behind them. You heard the sorrow and the contrition in his voice as he said it. You saw the pleading and the silent beg for forgiveness behind his pupils. Maybe on the surface it wasn’t much, and perhaps to anybody else it would’ve been a shitty apology.
But to you, it was a sincere, love wrapped Sirius Black apology.
You sniffed when you crawled away from Remus, maneuvering the short distance between you. Sirius was stunned at first when you wrapped your limbs around him desperately, but he returned it with grace and another sob of contentedness. Sirius buried his nose into your hair, not caring that it irritated and hurt the tender area. That hug was the best embrace that he had ever been given. It spoke so loud and had so many volumes.
Remus and James shared an alleviating glance. The amnesty was a relief, and while there was some work to be done to get fully back to normal – it was a work that was unquestioned because of its rewarding nature.
“I love you. So so so much.” Sirius cradled your face in his slender, torn hands.
“I love you, Siri.” You replied, turning somewhat to address the other two. “Remy and Jamesie too.”
With that, the four of you fell into a big cuddle pile as the three of them peppered you with kisses and showered you with affection. There was a peaceful, serene vibe in the air – one that was much more welcomed than the tense one from before. Again, there was some progress to be made and some more conversations to be had, but for now the biggest hurdle had been cleared with ease. It was a straight sprint the rest of the way, and with no obstacles in sight – the end goal seemed like a breeze.
This was a major development moment for the four of you. None of you were perfect, and sometimes it took the hard way to learn from each other’s mistakes. This was not a mistake that Sirius or James would make again, and that was a solid fact.
Sirius and James had a basket of things to learn from this experience. It was a lesson learned and it motivated them to be much more cool and calm if something like this ever happened again. Once again, Sirius had been forgiven and given yet another chance.
Was it a chance that he deserved? He didn’t think so. However, it was one that he was grateful for nonetheless.
Summary:Remus’ girlfriend is always cold. As his traditional ways of warming her up fail to work, Y/N suggests a few other possible ways through which Remus could warm her up.
@vogueweasley‘s1k writing challenge- winter prompt 14. ‘warming the other’s hands’ and fluff prompt 64. “Feel my hands! They’re so cold.” The prompts have been bolded :) Congratulations again! <3
Words: 927
Warnings:fluff
A/N: I really want a Remus to warm me up right now :/ Sorry it’s so short! Hope you enjoy it xx
⭑*•̩̩͙⊱••••✩••••̩̩͙⊰•*⭑
It was a cold winter morning, the world painted white with the sun barely peeking through the clouds. The trees were bare, the snow covering them blowing into the air due to the strong gusts of wind. It was a Hogsmeade weekend for the Hogwarts students, one that fell a week after and three weeks before a full moon. This meant that Remus Lupin could finally relax and enjoy his time with his best friends and girlfriend. Usually, the full moon had recently passed, and he was too hurt and weak from his injuries to admire the beauty of the quaint little town. Other times, the upcoming full moon would make him too agitated to appreciate the delightful comfort of spending time with the four people he trusted his life with. But the heavens looked down upon him that month and decided that this boy who had suffered day in and day out since he was merely five years old, deserved a break and Remus could not thank them enough for that.
Request: ‘Remus lupin x fem reader where she just had a bad day and everything hurts and just wants comfort’
Thank you so much for requesting. Please, do say if you want any changes. I tried to get forward the bad day, and there is comfort at the end, do not worry, and it is all Remus content.
Warnings:Swearing.
Words:1.3K
Disclaimer:This is a fanfiction, the scenarios, the reader, and the dialogue are all mine.This should only be found on my blog.
A/N: Please do not copy or plagiarise this, or put it in your own book, etc. It should only be found here. Also, please mention if I should make a taglist and if you wanted to be added. I also tried by best at being British.
“Hi,” Remus grins down to her, swaying back and forth on the heels of his feet, his hands clasped behind his back.
It is currently lunch in the Great Hall, and per his friends’ harassment, he has finally gathered up the courage to come and speak to her. She does not look up, but he notices her lips curling upwards into a smile, well as much as he can see as she is looking down to her meal.
“Hey.”
His cheeks instantly flush, his palms beginning to sweat, and he halts his movements to stand still, “how are you?”
She turns to him and smiles, although it does not meet her eyes, making his own falter, “still recovering from that prank you pulled this morning,” she jokes.
He curses his friends at that moment, and it takes all his power to not turn and glare at Sirius. Flashing an awkward smile, he straightens his tie, looking down at her, before speaking, “yes. Sorry about that, it wasn’t for you, it was for -”
“Mulciber?” She asks, quirking her head to the side, her smile finally meeting her eyes. His smile falters for a second, his flush spreading to his neck as his fingers struggle and fumble to now fit in his pockets. Instead, he decides to nod. She mirrors his actions, fingers still curled around the cutlery on her plate. “I heard about what happened to Mary,” she bites her lip in thought, and for a second, Remus truly believes he has gone to heaven; she is so cute, “I feel awful. Have you spoken to her recently?”
Remus shakes his head, furious at the future death eater for attacking his housemate, “no, we only really talk to each other.”
(Y/n) raises a hand to her mouth, covering her obvious laughter, “I wouldn’t say I’m surprised if I take into account my treatment this morning.”
“Hey!” He laughs, shoulders relaxing, “It was Sirius! Plus, I thought you would have been madder about your essay.” He is only joking, but it only reminds (Y/n) of her day, making her frown and her brows furrow.
She fakes him a smile, hands running down to smooth out her school skirt, “I was until you lot ruined my school uniform, and I had to leave Herbology and go all the way back to the common room to change.” She does not mean to appear rude, and upon his frown, she apologises immediately.
He shakes his head, a small smile on his face to ease her tension, “no, you’re right. We should be more careful with who we prank, make sure it’s the right person.”
(Y/n) gasps, placing a hand on her chest as she fights back her grin, “do my ears deceive me or did Remus Lupin just mention consequences? And being careful?” She gasps again.
He shakes his head, failing to bite back his own grin, “I have you know we always are.”
“No, no,” she shakes her head, sorrows of the day forgotten, “of course you are, my bad.”
Mustering all his confidence, he slides into the empty gap on her right, feet still facing the aisle. She holds her breath at their proximity. Not only can she smell his aftershave - which is ever so lovely - but his knees are an inch from her. Shoulders tense, she lets out a giggle, reaching up to straighten the collar of her school blouse and to tuck in her cardigan.
He doesn’t notice, more focused on their proximity too; he can smell her perfume and almost count all her freckles.
Their eyes meet, and both are left on edge, “ask our countless victims; we always make sure to get them.” It comes more out as an utter as both subconsciously begin to lean in.
“GET SOME MOONY!” Sirius shouts from where he sits, fists pumping the air. Peter looks at him in glee whilst James attempts to hide his own smirk.
~~~~~~~~~~~~Please do not copy ~~~~~~~~~~~~
Sirius’ 'joke’ only worsened poor (Y/n’s) mood. Everything is going wrong today. First, her alarm clock did not wake her up, so she missed breakfast, then Remus’ stupid friends pull a dumb practical joke which made her miss the homework announcement, and then her essay somehow blew out of her hands when walking from Herbology to Transfiguration and landed on The Black Lake, getting it very wet - as you can imagine. The rest of the day did not get much better, with Sirius’ comment and the teasing that followed from basically the entire school. Of course, Remus did not get much backlash. Stupid Remus. Then, in the last period, she blew up her potion. Like an imbecile!
(Y/n) sighs, shutting her eyes as she sits on the wall in the courtyard, back facing the fountain. It wasn’t Remus’ fault as much as it was her own. To think she almost kissed him in front of the Great Hall, and that would have been embarrassing - for being caught, not kissing him specifically.
Her eyes remain shut as a person comes and sits to her left; she knows it’s Remus from his aftershave. She hears him drop his Backpack next to her Satchel. His robes are against her thigh, and her cheeks flush.
“(Y/n), I am so -”
“Ow!” Her eyes shoot open, hand going to her knee, which Remus had knocked when attempting to turn and face her.
“Shit!” Remus jumps up, eyes darting up and down her leg, looking for an injury. “I am so sorry. Bugger!” His eyes are wide and, he looks so panicked, that (Y/n) can’t help but smile.
“Remus, it’s okay,” she smiles up to him, patting his previous seat next to her. His brows furrow, but he does as she asks, uttering several more apologies, as well as profanities. “Everything hurts today,” she sighs.
She had knocked her knee when tripping over during the prank, her eyesight having been clouded, but she did not want to upset him.
He continues to frown, “is there anything that I could do?”
“Not really, I just -”
Sudden warmth envelopes her as she tilts forward, and it takes her a second to realise Remus has pulled her into a hug. “Is this okay?” He whispers, fearing his voice may crack or sound strained.
She smiles, eyes fluttering shut, and she wraps her arms around him, “perfect.”
Remus is a great hugger, and this must be one of the best hugs (Y/n) has had this entire school year, mostly because she hasn’t been able to go home, and it is also the Remus Lupin.
For a few minutes, they sit there, both enjoying the simplicity of this action and finally getting what they need. “I am sorry,” he whispers, “about that prank and your essay.”
“And I missed breakfast,” she whispers, tightening her hold.
“And you missed breakfast,” his voice wavers as he tries not to laugh, eyes still shut.
“It’s not funny.”
“You’re right, it’s not funny, sorry,” they both laugh, “although your potion was quite entertaining, I think it took Sirius’ eyebrows off.”
(Y/n) laughs, properly and loudly for the first time that day, and Remus finds himself looking down at her, his heart thumping and a grin forming on his face.
“He deserved it,” she mumbles into his chest. Remus glances around, relieved to see that no one else is in the courtyard, and he begins to rub circles with his thumb on her back.
“That he did.”
“Is it okay if I keep hugging you?” You wouldn’t believe it, but the two have been friends for years, Remus only just realised his feelings, which is why he was so embarrassing.
“Always.”
~~~~~~~~~~~~Please do not copy ~~~~~~~~~~~~
Yeah, fuck you Snivellus, I’m going to steal your line - Moony
A/n: I absolutely live for wolfstar x reader, so I hope you guys like it. I’m not posting regularly because I have a lot of uni deadlines, therefore I don’t have a lot of spare time to work on new posts :(( Anyway please like/reblog Btw a fluffle is a group of bunnies
/: An old fic I wrote ehe. I’m a sucker for angst what can I say. Hope you dearies are ok and enjoy!
: Remus Lupin × Reader
: around 3000
: Fluff/Angst
// . .
As I ran along the corridor, late for class, I bumped into someone with a loud ouch.
“I’m so sorry”
“Hey its no problem, let me help you,” a soft voice responded. As I reached for my potions home work, a hand brushed mine.
Remus John Lupin, my rival. The only person who’s intelligence rivaled mine. The person who makes my life living hell. The sweetest gum-drop to everyone, loved by all. However, I’m not “all.”
“Y/N?” he asked, looking at you with those big brown eyes.
“I’m fine Lupin,” I responded as I grabbed my book from his hand.
“At least let me-”
“I said I’m fine.”
He slowly got up, and offered me a hand. I huffed and shoved it as I stood.
“You know I was only trying to help y-”
“I’ll see you in class Lupin,” and with that I stormed off, leaving a very confused boy.
Now you’re probably wondering, what makes one hate Remus Lupin, the sweetest guy, the glory of the marauders. Well let me tell you, not much.
My mother and his were the very best of friends, there by, we became best friends. Every holiday, every weekend, every opportunity we got, we were at the Lupins. Remus and I grew close. He shared his love for reading with me, a love I always had but never felt so confidence to share with him.
From fantasy to romance, I read it all, but I never shared it with him. The vulnerability I felt knowing he’d see what I enjoyed, what I loved, what I wanted, it was too much. His mum told my mum about his “illness.” He thought himself a freak, a monster. He would cry about it, the pain he felt, the embarrassment of scars. To me, he was all but an angel sent from heaven, beautiful and pure.
Before we began Hogwarts, we made a promise to never leave each other’s sides, to remain best of friends, no matter the houses or the circumstances. As it turned out, we weren’t sorted in the same house. Everyone was shocked knowing that studious Remus was sorted in Gryffindor while me, odd-ball and awkward, was sorted in Ravenclaw. At first we were both shocked, but we kept the promise.
Until one faithful day.
Now while I never shared my love for reading with him, I did share everything else. My love for baking, knitting and potions, you name it, he knew. We shared our darkest secrets with each other. He shared his insecurities about his scars, and me my insecurity about being “fat.” We made plans to open a book/tea shop, he would supply the books and I the tea, obviously. He knew everything about me, except for my reading and I knew everything about him. And for that, I loved him, but he never loved me.
In the beginning of the first year in Hogwarts, in the middle of a potions class, we were presented with amortentia. Why we were presented with such a complex potion at such a young age, I couldn’t tell you. Perhaps Professor Slughorn was feeling cheeky. I smelt him in it.
I smelt the soft worn out pages of the books that he read, I smelt the roses he always grew, his chocolate he always carried and something entirely him. After class, we met at the lake, our place where we’d meet and study. As I approached him, he seemed really tired, as usual, and something I thought I never imagined he would posses, anger, raw and bitter anger.
“Hey Rem, you alright?” He turned to me with puffy eyes and tear stained cheeks.
“Rem oh Gods, whats wrong?” I rushed towards him and slowly wiped his tears away.
“Talk to me, please,” I asked softly while I wiped all evidence of tears.
He looked up at me, those beautiful kind eyes, eyes that held so much emotion but always the best ones.
“I don’t want to talk about it,” he said batting my hands away.
I awkwardly fixed my glasses, “Okay well whenever you’re ready, you want to start studying for our potions exam?” I began to unpack my bag when he got up, fuming.
“You know what, yeah I do want to talk about it” I sat up, completely confused.
“Remus?”
“Y/N how is it, the one person, the one person who hates reading, detests it, passes every exam without fail? And not just passes, but tops every class. How?”
I sat there gaping, “Well I-”
“Don’t lie to me, don’t you dare.”
I stood up, a feeling of anger consuming me. “What do you mean Remus? I study just like you, just like everyone.”
He grunted and groaned, “Stop lying to me,” he screamed, “I read everyday, I study all the time, and yet you, you get all the awards, all the academic glory”
I felt myself begin to heat up and tears begin to form, tears I begged not to fall.
“What do you want me to say Remus? That I cheat? That- That I use spells to make me remember? Is that what you want to hear?”
He stared at me, his gaze hardening.
“I’ll give you one chance, and one chance only, tell me the truth.” I step back, gaping, confused.
“I already told you Remus, I do the same as you, I study.”
He looked to me and said in a tone I never believed he could conjure, “Fine, if that’s what you want to tell me, don’t talk to me at all.”
“Remus you can’t be serious.” The tears I tried my best to hold, began to spill furiously as his words made me crumble.
“Y/N, I don’t ever want to talk to you, I don’t want to see you, I don’t want to study with you and I sure as hell-”
“I smelt you in the amortentia today,” I blurt surprising myself.
“You what?”
“I smelt you, the chocolate, the roses, your books,” I say sniffling.
He laughed, a cruel sarcastic laugh, “Oh really? Me? You must be joking?”
I stared at him, confused and hurt.
“You think I’d ever smell you, or like you. Y/N you’re bloody lying to me, I could never like, or for that matter, love someone as hideous as you.”
My eyes began to gush now. How dare he? The one person I trusted, my best friend.
“Remus you don’t-”
“Oh but I do,” he said while he picked up his bag and looked at me.
“What about our plans?”
He looked to the school, “I could never work with someone like you Y/N, I’ve never disliked someone as much I dislike you now.”
He began to walk to the school,
“Remus wait I-”
“Leave me alone forever Y/N, and don’t come here anymore, I have other plans here, plans that don’t include you.”
With that, he walked away, leaving me, my tears streaming, my glasses foggy and my heart broken.
So you see, I never really hated him, but I obliged to his wishes. We never met again, he hung out with his friends, James and Sirius and Peter. As for me, I hung out with the first person I spoke to in Hogwarts, Andromeda Black. Now, Andromeda and I are two very different people, but we shared a love for potions . She knew of my love for reading, she saw me reading on my first night at Hogwarts. We became quick friends, and she soon became my best friend. She’s like a sister to me, but I never did tell her about Remus.
After I left Remus on the corridor, I ran and met Andromeda in potions.
“Hi dearie, saved me a seat?” She laughed and moves her bag.
“Students, please note, today we will be brewing potions in pairs,” the class sighs, “pairs that have already been chosen.” I sighed loudly.
“Cmon its not that bad, you could be paired with that cute Hufflepuff guy.”
We laughed softly. Remus and another guy ran in and swiftly sat down. Professor Slughorn began to call the list of pairs.
“Andromeda Black and Xenophilus Lovegood,” with that Andromeda groaned and got up.
“Y/N Y/L/N and Remus Lupin,” and my mouth fell open.
Remus came to my seat and we began to collect and prepare the potion. No one knew the potions name, only its ingredients. However, these ingredients seemed familiar but it never clicked. I felt his eyes stare through me.
From the first year to the fifth year, my body didn’t really change, I still remained a “fat girl” but hey I grew some boobs. Does he still think I’m hideous, I thought. I shook my head and we worked in silence.
“So how are you Y/N” he asked softly.
Those beautiful innocent eyes stared right through me. Nope, not happening.
“I’m fine Lupin”
“Quite the tumble you took today, I-”
“Let’s just finish this okay?” He shook his head and we worked in silence.
He seemed, nervous? Sad? Distressed was the word. After finishing the potion, we all gathered at the front. Dread began dawn on me as I fit the puzzle pieces together.
“Now, who can tell me the name of this potion hmm?”
“Amortentia , sir,” I said in a soft voice.
“And Y/N can you tell me what happens when you smell this potion?”
“You smell things that you love sir,” I answer shakily.
“Very good Miss Y/L/N, please, do us the honours of smelling the potion first.” Dread filled me, but I still walked towards his desk. Please, I silently beg, please.
“Well Y/N what do you smell?” I inhaled the the aroma.
and awarded Ravenclaw 20 points and I return to my original place. I felt his eyes on me, but I only felt pain. After four years, how can I? As class is dismissed I began to rush outside, but he grabbed my hand.
“Y/N please wa-”
“Let go of me Lupin”
“Y/N, please I-”
“Lupin let go of me,” I heard my voice break with emotion. He heard it too and let me go.
Later that evening, at the brink of dusk, I sat in my room reading. Pride and Prejudice by Jane Austen, a favourite of mine, and one of Remus’ too.
I sighed and stared out the window. Its been four years Y/N, pull yourself together. Those four years were one of the most brutal years. Thank goodness for Andromeda, without her I’d be so lost and defeated.
After that day where Remus and I fought, he moved on well, he was constantly surrounded by his friends and well I, I was alone. I spent my time helping Madam Pomfrey.
I learnt how to conjure spells to fix injuries and how to fix bones and so on. Although Remus and I stopped speaking, I never told anyone about his “illness,” but I did help make the potion to control it, Madam Pomfrey taught me how to.
He didn’t know this either, not that he’d care or want to talk to me or- Pull yourself together Y/N, he forgot about you, he kept his promise and you did too. I sighed and began to turn in for the night, my mind racing.
To say I avoided Remus for the next week was an understatement, I ran from him. I spotted him the corridor, I ran the other way. Saw him in class? Sat away from him. Saw him in the library or lake? I’d be gone before he could say quiditch. It hurt, but I needed to do it, our last conversation played in my head over and over again. I couldn’t bear his venom again, but I missed him, but could I manage without him? Hell yes.
On the Sunday that week, I walked down the stair well of my common room, wearing a fluffy sweater and cozy joggers. It was exactly midnight and I’d gone avoiding Remus perfectly.
The heavy monsoon of October interrupted my sleep, but otherwise the school was sound. I crept down and checked for anyone. No one, lovely. Now I know what you’re thinking, Y/N what on earth are you doing? Its bloody midnight. Well, I’ll tell you. I was going to read. Due to my hectic schedule and lack of free periods, I spent most of the day working. But at night, it was the only time I read. I grabbed my wand and made my way to the library, my footsteps muffled by the pitter patter of the rain.
As I reached the library, I sighed in relief. No hiccups on the way, thankfully. However, the scent of chocolate lingered in the air. I tensed but brushed it aside, he was here today Y/N, I said to myself. I shook my head and began to search for a new book.
I gently tapped my wand against a lantern and held it. Tonight was a mellow night, I wanted some excitement, a bit of comfort. I sighed, laughing to myself as I grabbed Pride and Prejudice from the bookshelf.
I made my way to my reading nook, a cozy little spot, very hard to find, between the ends of the furthest bookshelves. As I read, my eyes became droopy. Five minute won’t kill me, I convinced myself. As my eyes grew heavy and began to shut, a loud crash jolted me awake.
Who on this bloody earth would be in the library at this hour, I thought to myself. I extinguished the lantern and hid between two bookshelves. I held my breath and counted silently as I heard footsteps approaching. I exhaled slowly as I heard them fade away slowly. I stood up and sighed, picking my book from the ground, making my way back to my nook. Or I would have, if it weren’t for the hand that grabbed me.
I spun around and was promptly shoved against the bookshelf, a warm lean body pressing into my cold soft one. They covered my mouth but I saw no hand, their other hand trapping my hands above my head. They slowly removed their hand from my mouth, and removed their cloak. The warmest brown eyes, eyes filled with emotions I’ve only read about, met mine.
“Remus,” I exhaled in a mix of shock, hurt and relief.
He stared at me, those big thoughtful eyes watching my every move. He took his hand and fixed my glasses that slipped down.
“Hi Y/N,” he said softly. My heart caught in my chest and my throat felt thick with emotions.
“Let go of me Lupin,” despite me being a larger girl, Remus was still stronger, by a lot.
“Cmon Lupin, let me go, I’ll leave and you can have your private time,” I begged looking into those beautiful hazel eyes.
“If I let go,” he whispered softly, his breath tickling my ear, as he leaned in,“will you let me talk for a minute?”
My heart hammered, “Yes.” He slowly let go of my hands and stepped back. I sighed with relief, and then shoved him and ran.
I ran out the library, down the hall. I heard him calling my name but my tears that streamed my face answered why I couldn’t stay. After four years, I never did stop loving my- the big goof. I reached the end of the corridor and ran onto the lawn, a stitch forming in my right side. I gasped as I felt myself begin to freeze in the cold rainy night. Bloody twit used a hex on me. He approached me with a vigor and I stared at him, tears streaming, and my heart hurting.
“What the hell Remus, let me go,” I gritted as I tried to move. He took my wand away and held it.
“Look, I just want to talk, I’ll let you go but please, please listen to me,” he pleaded.
How could I ever say no to that beautiful boy? I nodded as best as I could and he unfroze me, my wand still in his hand.
I stared at him, my tears flowing in torrents, just like the rain,
“What do you want Remus? I did as you asked, I left you alone,” I shout over the boom of thunder. He looks at me and I saw tears flowing down his face too,
“Tell me the truth Y/N”
“Remus I di-”
“No Y/N, tell me why you wake up every night, why you sneak off to the library every night.”
“I-Remus b-”
“Why didn’t you tell me?” he asked, his voice cracking, “You made everyone believe you were uninterested, bored by reading. You lied to me,” I sobbed.
“I didn’t want you to-”
“To what Y/N to judge you?” he stepped closer to me as the rain and soaked our clothes.
“To what, think you a nerd? Like me?”
“No I-”
“Y/N is that really what you think of me, well than-”
“I lied because I couldn’t let myself be vulnerable around you,” I say as I sob looking away, “Remus, I- I didn’t want you to see what I liked or what makes me cry, or angry or happy,” I sniffed as thunder boomed, making us both jump.
“Then why did you tell Andromeda?” I gape at him, “Yeah why?” I felt my anger build up,
“She found me reading one day Lupin, I don’t have to explain myself to you,” I huffed as I began to walk away.
“I smelt you, in the amortentia,” he admitted, his voice thick with emotion.
“In our first year, I smelt you,” he said, stepping closer to me,“I smelt green apples, like your perfume, cookies, like what we baked, and books. Books.”
I stood staring at him but he continued.
“I smelt you but you never told me about how you read, why you’d come to class tired, or why you stayed up all night. I thought you trust me Y/N”
“I did Remus and I do,” I cried, “I just couldn’t afford to be vulnerable around you.”
“Wh-”
“Because I love you Remus,” he stared his mouth ajar,
“I’ve always loved you Remus, I love that you trust me, that you showed me everything, your likes, dislikes, loves, hates, the good and bad.”
The thunder boomed but I continued,
“I didn’t tell you because I was scared Remus, it felt like sharing a piece of my heart with you, and I didn’t know if I wanted to share so much, knowing that you didn’t love me.” I sobbed miserably as tears flow slowly down his cheeks.
“I’m sorry Y/N, I never meant to hurt you,” he cried stepping closer to me,“I know what I said that day, and I’ve never forgiven myself for it,” he said as be wiped his eyes, the thunder rolling.
“I’m sorry and I know I hurt you, I thought you hated me,”
“Remus I-”
“I thought you hated me and preferred Andromeda to me.”
“Rem, you were my best friend, and I loved- I still love you,” I admitted, defeated, “I didn’t want to show you everything, I didn’t want you to hate me.”
He held my hands and intertwined our fingers,
“How could I hate you when you’re my love?” he asked, as he crashed his lips to mine.
My eyes widened but I slowly melted into his embrace. He dropped my hands and pulled me in gasping softly. His hands wrapped around my waist and mine, tangled in his chocolate locks. I never felt such passion, such emotion, emotions I only read about. I felt tingling sensations stretch across my body but his touch soon soothed it.
He pulled away slowly, both of us gasping for air.
“I’ve always loved you Y/N,” he said as he pulled me close, his hands wrapped around my waist,“I’m sorry I hurt you, I’m so-,”
I silenced him kissing him softly,
“It’s okay Rem, I would have probably gotten mad too,” I said sniffling.
He chuckled stroking the small of my back. “Well, I think of a way I can make it up to you.”
“Oh?” I sniffled as I look at my beautiful boy.
“Y/N, you are the love of my life, I love, love, love you,” he held my chin and and makes me look up at him. Raindrops and tears mixed and fell down both of our faces.
“Be my girlfriend, and maybe one day-maybe one-,” I kiss him and he sighs, relieved.
“Yes Rem, I’ll be your girlfriend.”
He hugged me and kissed my forehead. We held hands and walked in the rain, talking and laughing.
“So how on earth did you know that I read in the night?” I asked him.
He laughed and pulled us into the corridor, sopping. He showed me the marauders map and explained it.
“I’m sorry I spied on you,” he apologized blushing. He held my hand and led me back to my common room.
When we reached, I turned to him.
“Thank you for the walk Rem, I’ll see you in class today?”
He smiled his signature gorgeous grin,
“How about we skip today?” I laughed and I kissed him,
Harry cringed at Professor Potter’s stern voice. She was a very laid-back teacher, and her tone of voice always stayed the same level. He had never heard this from her before. Harry could remember when he was a boy under the stairs. Petunia used to raise her voice sometimes at the man on the phone. He used to cower into the deepest depths of the cupboard, hoping that she would stop.
Harry then heard Lupin’s calm voice, “Dumbledore had specifically said that you were working with You-Know-Who. How were we supposed to take that?”
“I don’t know!” Professor Potter exclaimed, “Maybe ask me about it before pointing your wand at my throat?”
“It was a genuine mistake-“ Harry grimaced at Professor Lupin’s poor choice of words.
“A mistake that ruined my life, Lupin!” Harry could feel the malice in her tongue, “Seven years! Seven fucking years of misery. Seven years I will not get back.”
Harry turned the corner to see Lupin’s expression with obvious guilt, but Professor Potter didn’t seem deterred, “Not only was it seven years. I’m not even allowed to have my nephew in my custody because of my record.” Her voice got so low that Harry had to strain to hear it, “You don’t understand what he’s been through, Lupin. He’s getting abused by Lily’s sister, and there’s nothing I can do about it! They see I’ve been to Azkaban, and that’s all they care about.”
Harry almost gasped. Hermione would scold him for being an idiot, but it could’ve been possible that they were related just because they shared the same last name. Now that was confirmed. Professor Potter was his aunt. Harry was in for a good slapping my Hermione, and he owed Ron two sickles.
“But you know what, fuck it all right?” Harry pleaded to Godric he’d never make Professor Potter mad; her voice was shrill and scary, “Because everything that comes out of Dumbledore’s mouth is the truth, right?”
Lupin sighed, “I really am sorry. I know you won’t forgive me, and that’s reasonable, but with Regulus being alive now, you’re going to have to be around Padfoot.”
“I’ve known all about Regulus being alive.” Professor Potter said matter-of-factly, “After all, he’s the reason I’m out of Azkaban.”
Harry turned the corner again, Lupin looked flabbergasted, and from the view of Potter’s back, she seemed smug, “He- He defended you?”
“He did.” Her chin tipped up.
Professor Lupin ran a hand through his hair, looking shocked. He seemed to stand there frozen in time yet so moving simultaneously. His hands moved at a constant pace as if he didn’t know what to do with them. His glasses laid low on his nose, dangerously close to slipping off his face. Harry could see his knee-trembling slightly, possibly in pain. Professor Lupin did carry a cane occasionally.
“He’s also my fiancé.”
That was the bomb that made Lupin’s glasses fall. Professor Potter walked straight and past Lupin, further from Harry. Her shoes made a soft clicking noise against the old floors of Hogwarts. Professor Lupin bent down to grab his glasses and placed them in her cloak before sliding down the wall. His knees were to his chin, and he looked like a pretzel, Harry thought.
Lupin was all long limbs and skinny body. It made him look funny. Nonetheless, Harry was stuck in a sticky situation. His previous question to Professor Lupin now forgotten and more intrigued with the history of his two professors. Hastily, Harry looked at the Marauders Map to find no one insight, and he walked back to the Gryffindor Tower.
Breakfast in the Great Hall was always a magnificent experience. Especially for Ronald Weasley, who never really stopped eating until the food disappeared. It was indeed an appalling talent considering his many other siblings. But Ron didn’t go straight for the French toast. Instead, he stared at Harry.
“What?“
“You were missing last night?”
Hermione turned, “Missing?”
Ron turned to Hermione, “I woke up after a nightmare to find Harry’s bed empty.” Both teens turned to Harry eating a sausage, “So where were you?”
“I had a question for Professor Lupin that turned into a very intriguing history lesson,” Harry replied nonchalantly.
The trio was quiet for a moment before Ron scoffed, “Go on then,” He beckoned, “Share with the class.”
“Apparently,” Harry drawled, “Professor Lupin messed up Professor Potter’s life.”
Hermione was looking for more, “And she’s also my aunt.”
“I knew it!” Ron exclaimed and held out his hand, “Go on.”
Harry dug through his pockets and slapped two sickles in Ron’s hand; Hermione looked less impressed, “I mean, of course, it seems obvious, innit?”
Both boys turned to her, “Do you guys not feel the tension whenever Professor Lupin and Potter get within five feet of each other?” Based on the boy’s expression, it was a no, “You two are absolutely hopeless.” She grumbled while stuffing her face with porridge.
“So what happened?”
“She told him off, and he kinda just sat there, I suppose.” Harry shrugged, drowning his pancakes in syrup, “I left before anyone could see me.”
“So, what’s the plan?” Ron asked, mouth full of egg.
“Plan?”
“Yeah,” Ron replied, “We need a plan to figure out what went wrong.”
Hermione scoffed, “I think it has something to do with her going to Azkaban.”
She shuffled through her bag before pulling out an old Daily Prophet. She pointed at a paragraph, “If you read here, it says that Y/n Potter and Remus Lupin had been romantically involved before the incident causing her to go to Azkaban.”
“Why the hell do you have this?” Harry’s spoon clattered against his dish.
“Research! That’s not the point.” Hermione swatted at him, “The point is that obviously, something happened between the two. Not to mention them being absolutely connected. Did she mention anyone else?”
“Professor Lupin did mention something about a Padfoot?”
Hermione hummed, “Okay, let’s say Padfoot is a nickname for a friend, okay?“
“Bloody weird nickname,” Ron murmured.
“No one asked you, Ronald.” Hermione snapped.
Harry grinned, “She said the full name.”
“Harold Potter.”
“My name isn’t even Harold!”
“Irrelevant!” She exclaimed, “Padfoot is their friend, or was their friend. Maybe we should talk to them or find them.”
Ron swallowed his bacon faster than you could say wackspurt, “And how exactly are we going to find this Padfoot?”
“I don’t think we should find him.” Hermione said exasperated, “I think we should ask Professor Potter about him.”
“Why would we do that?”
“Yeah,” Harry agreed, “Isn’t that an invasion of privacy?”
Hermione narrowed her eyes, “That’s never been a problem with you before.”
Harry flipped his hands up defensively, “It was one bloody time.”
Ron snickered, “We ended up saving your life, didn’t we?”
“Not the point!”
It took days of planning, but the trio eventually came up with a plan. However, their plan was quickly thrown to the dogs when Professor Lupin entered the History of Magic classroom during the third-year Gryffindors and Hufflepuff class time. Professor Potter paid him absolutely no mind, but Professor Lupin was undetermined and stood in the entryway of the door. Everyone enjoyed Professor Potter’s lessons. According to the upper-level students, she was much more intriguing than old Professor Binns.
A cough sounded from the doorway, “Professor Potter?”
“Yes?” Her voice sounded strained behind her gritted teeth.
“May I bother you for just a moment?”
“More than you already have?” Some Hufflepuffs sniggered, and Seamus ‘Ooooed’ from the front left corner of the room.
Professor Potter turned, “Pay him no mind, Mr.Finnigan. I’ll be back in just a second.”
Without another word, she left the classroom with the door cracked open. Professor Lupin placed his shoe in the crevice of the door so it wouldn’t close completely. Harry sat in the back of the classroom with Hermione beside him; despite the closed door and low voices, the duo could still hear their every word.
“What is your problem!” Y/n whisper shouted, “I can’t even teach my class in peace now?”
Remus sighed, clearly done with the bickering, “Sirius will be staying with me for the weekend.”
“And I care; why?”
“You don’t.” Remus stated plainly, “But he would like to speak with you.”
She scoffed, “‘He would like.’ You know, I’d like many things in this world, but we don’t always get what we want, do we?”
“I am well aware we do not always get what we want, thank you.” Remus retorted drily, “However, we are both making an effort to correct what we have done to you.”
“You’re wasting your time,” Y/n stated as she tried to enter her classroom.
Remus stopped her, “When was the last time you used Vixen?”
“I don’t think that’s any of your business.”
“It’s not.” Remus replied, “But if you can make it, I’d appreciate it greatly.”
Professor Potter didn’t answer. Instead, she walked around him and entered her classroom. Harry didn’t know what Professor Lupin meant by if she could ‘make it.’ Maybe it was a specific teacher meeting or something that the teachers did. Regardless, it was evident that the Professors still weren’t on good terms.
The following Monday, Professor Lupin was not teaching Defense Against the Dark Arts, but Professor Potter instead. She leaned on the wooden desk with her dark purple robes on. Underneath her robes were muggle clothes. Professor Potter always seemed indifferent to blood status. Everyone sat in their respected seats when Harry raised his hand.
“Yes, Mr. Potter?”
“Where is Professor Lupin?”
Y/n sighed, “He’s fallen ill. So until he feels better, I’ll be teaching Defense Against the Dark Arts in his place.”
Harry smiled, seemingly okay with that answer. It didn’t seem that Professor Potter was angry at Professor Lupin for teaching in his absence but that she seemed tired. Harry noticed some new bruises on her arms when she took her robes off and how she seemed to move sluggishly across the classroom. Professor Potter was laid-back, but she wasn’t lazy.
It was late, and Harry was just about to go to the Gryffindor corridor when he saw Professor Potter sitting at Professor Lupin’s desk with a stack of parchment. He approached the door quietly and knocked gently. Y/n perked up and smiled happily at the intrusion.
“It’s quite late, Harry.” Y/n observed, “Might it be time for you to go to the Gryffindor tower?”
Harry flushed, “I was wondering if I could talk to you? If I’m not intruding.”
“Not a problem, my love.” Y/n waved her hand, and the papers hit the floor beside the desk.
A chair from one of the desks floated in front of the Professor’s desk, and Y/n motioned for him to sit in it. Harry tried to move less eager than he was but still moved faster than he would’ve liked. His satchel hit the ground beside him, and Y/n twirled a quill.
“Sorry, I can’t offer you any tea.” Professor Potter said, slightly embarrassed, “As you can see, this isn’t my classroom, and I have no idea where anything is.”
Harry grinned, not unlike James; Y/n noticed, “I think I’ll explode if I drink any more tea,” Harry chuckled, “I just came from dinner at the Great Hall.”
“Wonderful,” Y/n commented with an amused smile, “Now, what was it you wanted to speak about?”
He faltered slightly, “We share the same surname.”
“We do,” Y/n stated, “But that happens all the time.”
“Well, is it possible that you’re related to my father, James Potter?”
She smirked, “It is.”
“Are you?”
“I am.”
Harry didn’t think he would get this far.
“I’m his twin sister.” Y/n said, “Which makes you my nephew, in case you weren’t aware.”
“I-I know.” Harry stuttered, “Can you- um- tell me what he was like?”
Y/n beamed, “Of course. Is there anything, in particular, you’d like to know?”
“Was he kind?” He queried hesitantly, “I’ve heard he was arrogant.”
She laughed at that, “He was definitely arrogant, but he was exceedingly kind to make up for it. It didn’t matter how many times you upset or disappointed James Potter, he’d always give you a second, or third, or fourth chance.”
“I’m sure you’ve heard that he was a star Chaser for the Gryffindor House team. Sirius Black - his best mate - was a Beater on the team, and believe it or not, Professor Lupin was the Commentator.”
“Commentator?”
“Indeed.” Y/n smirked, “Professor Lupin was extremely witty in his youth.”
Harry kicked a crumpled note under the desk before asking again, “Why are you and Professor Lupin so cross?”
“Professor Lupin and I are perfectly cordial.” Y/n saw Harry’s disbelieving look, “However, we aren’t the greatest of friends.”
“Why?”
She coughed subtly, “It’s a very long-winded story we don’t have time for, I’m afraid.”
“Does it have something to do about your imprisonment?”
“How do you know about that?”
“Hermione showed Ron and me the other morning at breakfast.”
Y/n smiled fondly, “She’s quite brilliant, but yes, it does.”
“So you and Professor Lupin were in a relationship?”
“We were.” Y/n answered, “We started going out in our fifth year and presumably broke up when I got sentenced.”
Harry didn’t know what to say. He felt like the words were falling from his mouth before he could stop them, “Can I live with you?”
“Excuse me?”
“It’s just that- I’m sorry- I didn’t-“ Harry’s face was the color of rose, and he was spluttering to try and form a sentence.
Y/n had an expression on her face that could only be called affectionate, “It’s okay, Harry. I’ve heard rumors of what the Dursleys do to you over the summer holidays.”
“You have?” Harry seemed relaxed by this.
“I have, and I’d love nothing more for you to stay with me.” Y/n sighed, “However, I’d need clearance from the Ministry, and I don’t know if they’ll permit me. Especially with one of your guardians having a clean record.”
Harry looked confused, “I have another guardian?”
“You do.”
“Who are they?”
“Sirius Black is your godfather.” Y/n replied, “To be quite honest, I’m not sure why he hasn’t tried to take you in yet. However, I believe it’s Dumbledore’s orders. I’ve never been one for following his orders, though.”
She had a mischievous grin on her face, “This may be a lot to ask, but-“
“I’ll try.” Harry looked shocked at her interjection, “Hopefully, by the summer, you’ll be able to come home to mine instead of the Dursleys. Sound fair?”
“Yes. Thank you!”
“You’re welcome, love.”
Harry was in much brighter spirits after his talk with Professor Potter. It was exciting to learn that he could get rid of the Dursleys and live with a loving Aunt. Not to mention he also had a godfather that he never knew of.
Three owls were sent that night by three different owls. One snow-white owl named Hedwig sent a letter to a mysterious Sirius Black. A second all-black owl named Achilles was sending a letter to the Ministry for parental permission of Harry James Potter. Finally, a third barn owl was sending a letter to Regulus Black about the potential of Harry living under their roof.
Sirius wasn’t expecting mail at the kitchen table when eating breakfast. Usually, the mail came in through the muggle mailbox since he and Remus shared a flat in muggle London, but occasionally they’d get mail by owl-post. Sirius took the envelope from the owl, but she didn’t fly away immediately. She watched Sirius open it and sat patiently.
“Dear, Sirius Black,
I don’t really know how to start this. I suppose I should introduce myself. My name is Harry James Potter, and apparently, you were my dad’s best mate. That’s all I really know about you and that you were a Beater for the Gryffindor Quidditch team. I’m a Seeker for the team right now.
According to Professor Potter, you’re my godfather. I wish you would’ve contacted me or told me you exist. I’ve only just now learned of who you are. Apparently, you, mum, dad, Professor Lupin, and Professor Potter were all friends. Maybe you didn’t know I was born, and that’s why you didn’t contact me, or that’s what I’m hoping. Otherwise, it’s real shit of you not to.
I guess owl me back, so I know you exist still.
-Signed,
Harry Potter”
Sirius chuckled, running a hand through his hair, “Nothing like getting told off by your godchild.”
Harry did get a letter back from the mysterious Sirius Black only two days later. The handwriting was elegant and curvy; maybe his godfather was posh or a muggle. The Potter’s didn’t seem to care about blood status. When he asked Hermione and Ron about the Black’s, he got an insightful explanation about the Noble and Most Ancient House of Black. Nonetheless, the words inside were encouraging and informative. Despite Sirius not reaching out, he seemed kind.
Harry and Sirius continued to owl each other. As it continued, the letters got more personal and more helpful. Sirius was actually really good at offering advice for Harry when needed. Professor Potter had gotten an owl back about her parental permissions being granted after months of review. After the History of Magic examination, Harry was to stay after class.
After class, Harry received news that he would be coming to the Black/Potter residence for the summer holidays, and he was ecstatic. The train home couldn’t have been any slower, and he couldn’t wait to be safe in a house with his Aunt.
They apparated to the driveway, which was stone brick pavers, it seemed neverending, and the cherry blossom trees surrounding the house were in full bloom. It was a two-story house, painted grey with dark brown - almost black - accents. When the duo walked inside the house smelt like a man’s cologne, Harry thought the house couldn’t be more different than the Dursleys.
A soft fluffy thing walked in between Harry’s legs immediately after his shoes were off, and Y/n chuckled, “This is lynx. She’s our cat.”
He bent down, and she smelt his hand before rubbing against it, “She’s beautiful.”
“Thank you.” Y/n replied, “Though Regulus will take great pride in that.”
Harry followed Y/n into the kitchen, where she began preparing tea, “Regulus?”
“Oh!” She exclaimed as she placed the kettle on the stove, “Regulus is my fiancé. He knows you’re here, and he is super sweet.”
“Where is he?”
Y/n put the boiling water in two cups, “Working.”
She passed him a cup of the jasmine tea, “Do I- um- call him Uncle?”
“You don’t have to if you aren’t comfortable.” Y/n was always so soft and trying to make him comfortable, “He’ll appreciate anything that isn’t Mr. Black.”
“Okay.” Harry smiled.
Regulus didn’t come home until later that evening. Y/n had shown Harry to his bedroom, which was the same bedroom she occupied while staying in the house. Harry was getting settled in when the door opened loudly, and someone was taking their shoes off at the door along with their cloak.
The man had jaw-length curvy hair with blue-grey eyes. His skin was pale and flushed from the heat. He also had freckles under his eyes. His jawline was sharp, his cheeks sunken just a pinch. The man was skinny but had muscle and was extremely tall. He stood at around six feet. Harry was just about five feet and five inches.
He didn’t see Harry at the top of the steps and went straight into the kitchen, where he placed down the take-out containers. Y/n appeared at the other end of the kitchen, it seemed, because the man stopped and smiled at her. Harry stood at the central kitchen entrance watching them interact. He kissed her on the cheek as she unloaded the bag of takeout. Finally, Harry was noticed.
“Ah, you must be Harry.” Regulus said with a smile, and Harry flushed, embarrassed for ruining their peace, “I’m Regulus.”
Harry didn’t say anything and stared at them wearily, “It’s okay, Harry. You can come in. Regulus got us some take-out. Hopefully, it’s something you like.” Y/n smiled, putting two boxes in front of a barstool at the island.
He sat down hesitantly and began to eat, “Sorry,” Harry apologized, “I’m not used to this setting yet.”
“We’ve been in the same position before.” Regulus stated solemnly, “Except I didn’t have an amazing Aunt to escape to.”
Y/n laughed, “Shut it.”
“I’m just telling him the truth!” Regulus defended mouthful of food.
“Chew your food.” Y/n scoffed.
Harry smiled at their good-natured bickering. It was much different from Petunia and Vernon constant arguing. Harry could get used to this. He was never really allowed to sit in the kitchen and eat with the others. He also would’ve been punished for eavesdropping as he had previously. Y/n and Regulus didn’t seem to mind, however.
The summer holiday was truly fun compared to his usual one. Regulus was kind and sweet, like Y/n’s description. Lynx also seemed to take a liking to him. Lynx slept with him every night but traveled throughout the house in the mornings. Harry also learned that breakfast would always get made in the mornings. Sometimes it was french toast, pancakes, or waffles as a main course, but it always tasted heavenly.
He learned that Y/n went to Hogwarts a week early to prepare for classes, leaving him home alone with Regulus. Harry and Regulus got along nicely. They didn’t know much about each other, however. Harry was in the library when he found a black leather-bound book. It read ‘The Noble and Most Ancient House of Black History’ in gold foil on the spine. Harry pulled it from the shelf and began to read through it.
It seemed like a biography on the Black family with many facts inside. Whoever wrote the book was obviously well informed on the pureblood family. The book talked about everyone too, even the disowned members of the family like Alphard Black, Andromeda Black, Phinneas Black, and finally Sirius Black.
Harry drank up all the knowledge about Sirius like a bee with nectar. Sirius seemed to have a troubling childhood with extremely abusive parents. He’d go weeks without food, water, and sometimes shelter. Sirius was the only Black to get sorted into Gryffindor, but he wasn’t the first to be sorted into a different house.
He didn’t know how long he sat there reading until Regulus entered the room, “Whatcha got there?”
Harry snapped the book shut, looking like a deer in headlights, “I- um- I don’t- uh-“
“Y/n said you stuttered when you got caught, but I thought she was lying.” Regulus chuckled, “Apparently not.”
The young boy’s face was entirely red, “You aren’t in trouble, Harry.” Regulus sat down criss-cross in front of him.
Harry handed Regulus the book, and Regulus smiled, “It makes sense why you’d pick it up. It’s intriguing, isn’t it?”
“It is.” He admitted, “Sirius Black is my godfather, and I wanted to know more about him.”
“Well, you know, I actually wrote this book.” Regulus grinned, “You could always ask me.”
“You- You wrote it?”
Regulus let his fingers trail the front of the leather, “Yup. I just never published it.”
“Why not?” Harry questioned, “It’s brilliant!”
“Thank you.” Regulus blushed, “But nobody needs to know how horrid my family was.”
There was a short silence, “But since you seem so intrigued and I am Sirius Black’s younger brother. I’d love to tell you anything you’d like to know.”
Harry grinned cheerfully. The two boys sat in the library for the entire afternoon talking about the Black family. Harry found that he now understood what Regulus meant when he said they came from the same background. Regulus seemed to have it much worse than he did.
Toward the end of the holiday, Harry took to calling Regulus Uncle. It seemed fitting after Regulus had taken the role with such affection and care. Harry couldn’t imagine not coming to their house every summer and maybe even Christmas one year. He had never felt so safe in soft, warm bedsheets and a purring Lynx laying on the pillow he wasn’t using.
Y/n was already at Hogwarts, so Regulus had taken the role to bring him to Platform Nine and Three-Quarters. Harry wasn’t disappointed. Regulus had made a fantastic breakfast that morning and some sweets to take with him or eat on the train. He hugged Regulus before jumping onto the train. Harry found Hermione and Ron quickly, where they all exchanged stories from the summer.
A/N: A little late but in honor of Remus Lupin’s 62nd birthday :)
Paper is just paper until a pen touches it with its scarring ink. It’s like taking a person’s nails and digging them into someone’s skin until they bleed. The canvas is blank until someone taints it. The tip of the quill touches the ink with a subtle clink, and he’s the one who ruins the canvas. Truth be told, it pains him to do so.
Because he knows firsthand what it’s like to be tainted by an unknown power.
Maybe she was the parchment, the canvas, the skin. Everything she touched seemed to blossom and bloom. She never tainted a single soul, but the minute his quill touched the delicate parchment, it felt ruined.
Maybe he’s being overdramatic because it is just notes on Transfiguration, but for some reason, he can’t help but wince.
He can still hear the ringing in his ear from the previous full moon less than forty-eight hours ago. It feels like a fly constantly buzzing in his ear. It’s a constant annoyance. Maybe that’s what draws him to her like a moth to a lamp in the London streets.
She was never the constant buzz of a fly or the noisy honking of a car in the busy streets. She was the birds in the morning or the snow that absorbed all the sound. She was the welsh countryside where he grew up. The humid air and the summer heat. The blissful storm to wash everything away.
Perhaps that’s why he loved her so much.
They sit beside each other in Transfiguration, replicating each other’s actions. He glances at her scarred parchment. Somehow it looks like a summer day. Everything is flourishing and blossoming like it’s meant to. He looks at his parchment to see the usual winter appearance. The look of everything dead and departing. The stream of birds that flee to the south for warmth.
Suddenly he feels embarrassed. His robes feel too tight, and his white button-up beneath them feels clammy. He can only hope that it’s not protruding any scent. The quill threatens to escape his now sweating palm, but he tightens his grip causing a line across the parchment.
Tainting it, if you will.
She sits beside him in silence. Her eyes lingered on Professor McGonagall with a fondness that he almost felt as if he was intruding on them. Her gaze only falls when something flies and hits him directly on the right cheek of his face. She turns and threatens to smile at him. A smile that he adores and loves to see on her face. He thinks it’s lovely.
But he knows that he needs to pick up the piece of paper that is now lying beside him on the ground. It’s crumpled, and the parchment has lines of where it’s been folded and crumpled to shreds. Carefully, he opens it, so he doesn’t rip it after being too impatient. Inside it has curly, calligraphy handwriting that one comes from a pureblood.
The note itself is outrageous and makes Remus exhale extra hard. The boy who’s given him the note is smiling gleefully from his right. Remus rolls his eyes and crumples the paper back up into his bag. The girl doesn’t say anything. In fact, she’s actually writing again following what Professor McGonagall has on the board. Without realizing it, she slips her hand into his.
Remus knows, little by little, she’ll continue to put him back together and help him bloom once more like he did when he was four.
a/n: I’m going on a road trip to New Orleans for my birthday tomorrow and it got me thinking about Remus on a road trip and just going on a road trip with the Marauders. Then it got a little… heated lol
summary: On a road trip with the Marauders, you try and avoid getting motion sickness but you’re having a hard time not focusing on the moving bus and the passing scenery. Luckily enough, your boyfriend Remus has just the thing to distract you, as long as you keep quiet.
warning: MDNI 18+, fingering, degradation, praise, overstimulation, kinda public sex, slight exhibitionism, If I missed anything lmk!
word count: 2.1k
You rested your head against Remus’ shoulder, closing your eyes and trying your hardest to keep your mind off the Volkswagen jostling your body so that motion sickness doesn’t overtake you.
You both sat in the third row of seats as James drove, Lily holding the map and instructing him when to turn. Sirius and Peter both laid across the second row, sleeping soundly. Remus’ head turned away from the window, feeling you rest against him. His lips immediately meet your temple, kissing it tenderly.
He couldn’t see your pained yet determined expression from his height but you knew he could somehow sense your wariness. He kept his lips against your skin, letting its warmth spread through your body.
“Alright, love?” He questioned, hot breath tickling your skin, causing you to shudder slightly. You groan, shaking your head as the bus hits a particularly nasty bump.
“Trying not to focus on the bus movin’. Don’ wanna get sick,” you mumble, voice muffled as you nuzzle your face against his shoulder.
“Gettin motion sickness again?” Remus asked, voice tinged with worry. He knew how long car rides got to you. You nod against him, slouching against the seat.
“Think so,” you respond, trying to think of something besides the sensation of feeling every little rock the van rolls over.
“Gotta keep your mind off it, dove,” Remus says, hand moving to pat your bare knee, fingers tickling the edge of your dress. You groan, closing your eyes and shuffling closer to him.
“I’m trying but I can’t help it,” you whine, internally chastising yourself for acting like this. But you dreaded the oncoming pain and you demanded comfort.
“Want some help?” Remus asked, voice suggestive as fingers began lightly grazing your leg. You subconsciously leaned into the touch.
“How could you help with something like this?” You asked curiously, mind distant as you tried not to focus on anything too hard.
“Could offer you a little distraction…” he trailed off, his voice continuing with that suggestive lilt. It didn’t click until his teasing fingers began making their way up closer to your core. Your eyes shot open as they made contact.
“R-Rem,” you stuttered in disbelief, looking up at him with furrowed brows. Remus kept his gaze ahead as your breathing started to pick up, heat blossoming in your stomach as Remus rubbed his fingers along your clothed slit.
“Just keep your eyes ahead, dove. Keep your thoughts on me, on what I’m doin’ to ya,,” he spoke lowly, a rasp washing over his voice as he pressed his fingers more firmly against you. You clench around nothing and your eyes widen at the effect his words have on you. Letting out a small whimper you glance ahead, looking around at your friends and the small space you currently occupied.
“Remus, w-we’re in a van. With everyone,” you say nervously, looking back up at him as you try not to rock against his hand and hating how much the idea turns you on. Remus continues to keep his eyes forward.
“James and Lily got the radio so loud they won’t hear anything, and Sirius and Peter are knocked out,” he explains simply. He then slowly moves his gaze down to meet yours before raising a single brow. “So… as long as you keep quiet little one, no one will suspect a thing. Think you can keep quiet for me?” A small moan escapes you, not being able to help from reacting to the pet name mixed with his fingers pressing the material of your panties down against your clit. You shake your head lightly, brows furrowed.
“I don’t know, Rem,” you answer, voice shaky with uncertainty. A softness falls over Remus’ expression as he takes you in.
“We don’t have to do this, you know. Say the word and I’ll hold your hand and rub your stomach when it starts to ache,” he says, his voice gentle and soothing. But then his fingers flex against your core and his eyes sharpen. “But judging by this,” he starts, a smirk overtaking his lips. His fingers are quicker than you can react but you can feel it as Remus pushes aside your panties and gathers up your slick. You stare at him wide-eyed as he removes his hand and holds it up in front of you both. His smirk is mischievous, the gleam in his eye fierce as he speaks. “You’re dripping,” he says smoothly, voice coated in self-satisfaction.
“Remus!” You scold, tugging his hand down and getting it out of your friends’ sight. Remus laughs, moving his arm out of your grip and pops the fingers in his mouth. He moans around his digits and you melt against him, entranced by the sight as you feel yourself growing wetter.
His hand falls back on your leg, only now it grips the inside of your thigh, your dress having previously ridden up. Your eyes follow the movement and remain on the hold as you watch his spit smear against your thigh.
“Let me take care of you,” he says softly, practically begging to help you. Your tongue darts out, licking your lip as your gaze remains on his fingers.
“O-okay,” you force out, still not sure how well you can keep quiet but your growing desperation overcomes such doubt.
“Yeah?” He asks, checking in with you, wanting you to be certain, needing your full consent. You merely nod, chest tightening and breath hitching at the anticipation.
But suddenly Remus’ hand snaps away from your thigh and tugs at your chin, forcing your eyes on him. Your lips part as you feel his damp fingers against your skin.
“Words, dove, I need words,” he grits out, jaw slightly clenched and eyes wild as he looks down at you, gaze flickering over your face, checking up on you. You watch him for a moment, savoring the expression before you speak.
“Please take care of me,” you whimper out quietly. Remus’ eyes roll back into his head as a low guttural groan escapes him. When his eyes flutter back open, his touch is leaving your chin and moving inside your panties.
Two fingers spread out your folds and slip through your wetness. You feel yourself rock against it, breath increasing as pleasure sparks through your core.
You hear Remus inhale deeply before slipping two fingers into your slick center. You choke on a whimper, hips jerking at the thick digits entering you. He starts at a steady pace, moving them in and out of your desperate hole. You whine quietly, cunt fluttering around his fingers and hips jerking to meet his thrusts. You hear Remus chuckle and a moment later you feel Remus’ hot breath on your ear, sending shivers down your spine and increasing your pleasure.
“What got you so turned on, love? You’re soaking my hand. Was it the idea of me getting you off in front of all our friends? Was it the possibility of getting caught? Or was it my words? Do you like hearing the dirty things I plan on doin’ to ya..? Or is it all three?” He taunts, voice holding a sinister twinge. Your eyes squeeze shut as you listen to him and you can’t stop yourself from clenching down on his fingers. You hear a huff of laughter. “All three, aye? I can work with that…” he trails off, sounding slightly more focused. He moves deeper within you, fingers curling against your walls and igniting your nerves.
“Ah— Remus!” You cry out as quietly as possible, letting a surprised moan follow as he crooks his fingers, sliding over a sponged area inside you that sends a jolt through your body and black spots in your vision. A familiar coil begins to tighten in your stomach.
“Shh, quiet sweetheart. Wouldn’t want our friends to interrupt now would we?” Remus teases, a wondrous smirk decorating his expression as he continues to watch you and the pretty faces you make when you try and hold back your pleasure.
“F-faster— please,” you beg out breathlessly, needing more friction to move you closer to the edge, waves of pleasure pushing and pulling you. Remus makes a sound of disbelief though his fingers quicken, heading towards a brutal pace.
“You want me to go faster now? Why just a few minutes ago you weren’t sure you could do this. Now look at you, you filthy thing. Makin’ a mess of my hand, moaning like a desperate slut. That’s what you are aren’t you? My desperate little slut,” he spits out, fingers pounding in and out of you, the force jerking your hips.
Your brows furrow at the pleasure that wracks through your body, the coil tightening in your stomach, drawing you closer to release. Your jaw drops in shock as Remus moves his thumb to your clit, moving it in tight circles.
“Yes!” You hiss out before a loud moan escapes you without permission. You throw your head back against the seat as your hips buck up.
“Is she ok back there?” A sudden voice sounds out through the van. And it’s only then you notice anything past the fog clouding your mind and you suddenly realize the music had been turned down. Your stomach clenched wondering how long it had been.
You freeze completely, keeping your head back and body still. Remus hesitates when Lily asks the question but quickly collects himself and continues the movement of his fingers, moving slower and more languidly but never relenting the beautiful torture on your clit.
Your breath hitches and you curse yourself for enjoying the thrill of this so much, hating how the possibility of getting caught causes electricity to rush through your veins.
“A bit of motion sickness is all,” Remus replies smoothly,
his gaze meeting Lily’s now. You can imagine Lily’s sympathetic frown behind your closed eyes.
“Awe, the poor dear. Well don’t worry, love, there’s a rest stop not too far. We’ll stop for a break soon,” she assures with a firm nod. Remus sends her a charming smile and breathes out a sigh of relief.
“Sounds brilliant, thanks Lil,” Remus responds and you tense up, forcing moans back down your throat and ignoring ripples of arousal coursing through you.
“Don’t mention it,” Lily calls back, appearing none the wiser as she spins back forward and turns the music back up. Remus rounds his head to look down at you again.
“You have got to be more quiet, dove,” he says through clenched teeth. His fingers begin picking up their pace and your lips part. “Don’t want all our friends to know that you can’t even go a car ride without needing something to fill you up,” he whispers harshly, fingers thrusting into you just as harsh and thumb stimulating your clit perfectly.
“I-I’m close, Rem,” you say, voice shaking and stumbling over words. Tears prick at your eyes, causing you to open them in an attempt to blink them back. Remus lets a wide smirk transform his face.
“Of course you are, and you’ve been doing so well, taking my fingers so nicely. Now, go on, be a good girl and make a mess out of James’ van for me,” he says, his voice somehow both soft and mean at the same time. Your head falls forward and your eyes widen just as Remus moves to pinch your clit.
Pain mixed with immense pleasure causes the coil to snap and euphoria to wash over you like a tidal wave as you’re finally pushed off the edge and into a blissful orgasm.
“Oh god—“ you choke out, voice strained as you hold back screams of pleasure. Your body shakes and jerks as your orgasm moves through you. Remus exhales sharply, continuing to work you through it.
“Clench my fingers, pretty girl, just like that. Take me for all I’m worth…” he hisses out, breath heavy as he watches you. His eyes fog over, pupils blown wide as he looks over every inch of you, memorizing every change of expression and jerk of your body. Your orgasm begins to calm but Remus doesn’t stop in his movements. Your features twist as overstimulation starts to take hold. “God you’re beautiful, all ruined and fucked out,” Remus says, voice light and dazed. You whimper and start to squirm away from his fingers as pain overwhelms the pleasure.
“S’to much, Rem,” you mumble out, feeling a sense of tiredness replace the arousal that had previously consumed you.
“Can’t give me another one?” Remus asks with a frown. You shake your head tiredly, head falling limply against his shoulder. Remus sighs and carefully moves his fingers out of you. You whine lightly before relaxing back against the seat. After wiping away the cum on his fingers and the mess between your thighs, his hand rests back on your leg and starts massaging away the small tremors that remain. “Well, I suppose one’s served its purpose. Rest little one, we’ll be there before you know it,” he says softly to your already half-asleep form, kissing your forehead and turning back to look outside the window as he had been doing before.
