#stark industries

Peter:So, I’m going to grab a healthy breakfast.

Tony:Are those gummy bears wrapped in a fruit roll-up?

Peter: Breakfast burrito, but yea.

Tony: I pity your dentist.

Peter: Joke’s on you. I don’t have a dentist

Peter: HEY HEY!

Tony (whispering): shhh, Morgan’s sleeping.

Peter (whispering):sorry.

Tony (whispering): what’s up?

Peter(whispering): there’s a fire-

Tony: I can’t think right now

Peter: Put your glasses on

Peter: Earth is a dense molten core encased in a layer of solids and therefore is, technically speaking, a ravioli!

Tony:When are you going to stop?…

Tony: How are you feeling?

Peter: I am an iPhone without a case. I’m worth a lot and have a lot of good functions, but I could just shatter randomly

Peter: I had a brother once, sometimes it feels like i can still hear his voice.

harley: Peter… i-i just went to the bathroom…

Peter: I slept for 12 hours but I might still be tired so let’s go for 12 more, just in case.

Harley: Peter, that’s a coma,

Peter: Ooh, sounds festive!

Peter: Dad, relax. I don’t need advice, I just need $1,500.

Tony: Oh, good! That I can do.

Bucky: you know, Peter, maybe it’s just the concussion talking… but any way you choose to live your life is okay with me.

Peter:huh?

Steve: [whispers] he thinks we’re gay.

Tony:I’m starting to worry about Peter

Harley: nah, I’m sure he’s fine.

*hours later*

Harley: Peter, It’s 4 am… why are you baking a cake? Also what’s with the party decorations and candy?

Peter: I’m celebrating the death of my sleep schedule and sanity… cookie?

Peter: uh i think i got your lunch.

*holds up a note that reads*: I am very proud of you, love, dad

Ned: oh yea, i didn’t think this was for me…

*holds up a note in tony’s handwriting*: Be good. for the love of god, please be good.

Peter coming in to the room where pepper and tony are talking:

Peter: are you guys in the mood for a quickie?

Pepper, choking:WHAT?

Peter, confused: a quickie! you know, those egg tarts from fontaine

Tony: peter, that is a QUICHE

Peter: i don’t think i can stay in the same house as the father who ruined my life

tony: for christ’s sake.

tony, cont.: i’ll buy you more capri-suns in the morning…

Peter: so then i got kicked out of the family business for good because apparently i am a “liability” and “reckless” and “Peter”. The last one’s just my name but you should hear their tone.

Peter: how dumb do you think we are?

Tony: sometimes Harley leaves me pictures of food instead of a shopping list…

Tony, to Peter: you’re starting to forget your Spanish. you don’t practice.

Peter: lo siento papa. estoy embarazada

Tony: you just told me you’re pregnant.

Harley: congratulations. you’re glowing.

Peter: MJ isn’t here. Right now i’m the best student. I’m going to be the velociraptor.

Tony: are you trying to say “valedictorian”?

Peter:…no…

Peter and Harley if they made a tiktok:

Tony: what are you two doing?

Peter: *looks at Harley*

Harley: *looks at Peter*

Peter: *plays the first 5 seconds of the Big Time Rush Theme*

Tony: “n-nevermind, I really need to stop asking…”

Iron Man sketch