#tw triggers
it looked like i was losing weight but the scale is telling me otherwise.
one day ill be small enough.
Those with anxiety, depression, PTSD, and past abuse, all have their own triggers. Take your time to understand the person. Be patient. Don’t always feel like its you doing something wrong. Each person has their own story.
-RB
Pay Attention
If she’s not giving you a smile,
Ask her what’s wrong.
If she seems withdrawn,
Ask if she’s okay.
If she gets up in the night, and you notice her pillow is wet,
Make sure she’s okay.
If she starts to sniffle,
Don’t just ask if she has a stuffy nose.
Ask her to look at you.
If she’s laying there, and you can hear her sobs,
Go to her.
Cuddle her, ask if she’s okay, or just simply hold her.
Don’t let her sit and think you don’t care,
With signs all over, telling you she isn’t okay.
Pay Attention to her actions, words, and body language.
Just be there for her.
-RB
Battling her Demons
God, Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, Courage to change the things I can, and the Wisdom to know the difference.
She was free for 8 months.
She let all her scars heal.
Trying the find herself.
Trying to find happiness.
Battling her demons everyday.
Some days, worse than others.
8 months, she was free.
Until the night, she lost the battle with her demons.
All she could do was cry.
She tried to push them away but they ate at her.
When it came time for bed, the demons taunted her.
She laid there crying. Soaking her pillow with her tears.
The person next to her sound asleep.
She thought to herself, she just needed one good cry.
Being asked where she was going, she simply replied “to get a drink”.
No one came to check on her, no one followed her.
She sat in the dark in silence. Curled up in a ball, fighting each demon that came at her.
The thought crossed her mind, but she knew he would be disappointed in her.
Staring at his number for what seemed like hours, she sat her phone down.
2 hours later she remains in a ball, crying tears for all the hurt, pain, betrayal she had felt.
The demons still battling her. Until she felt worthless, unloved, and uncomfortable in her own body.
The battle with the demon was lost.
Just one knick, she needed to feel something other than pain.
She was 8 months free from battling her demons.
Now she starts again.
She’s 2 hours free from her demons.
The next battle, she will be tougher, and she will win.
-RB
Avoiding the Narcissist
She did her best to avoid him.
His job, his boss, and him, all being close to her family, made it harder than she realized.
Having to have her car fixed at his job, he found that opportunity to try to talk to her.
She avoided him at all costs.
The day after getting her car fixed, she found herself back at his job.
Her car was not fixed.
Knowing the owner, she asked who fixed it, and of course it was him.
Asking the owner for a new mechanic, that she wanted him nowhere near her car.
So he started to come into her work.
Being avoided, he did what he could to make a scene.
Learning from a new coworker, she dated him too.
Both learning of his deceit, They found they were dating him at the same time.
They BOTH had a key to his house, at the same time.
Anytime she was out, she learned he had told everyone she was his.
Nobody dared to ask her out, except one.
Being a small town, he learned of the date.
Texting her non stop during the date until she turned off her phone.
When she turned it back on, she was 32 text messages and 8 missed calls, from him.
Claiming to have some of her clothes, she met him in a public parking lot.
As soon as she saw him, he started antagonizing her about her date. Asking if she slept with him, and if he was better than he was. That he “knows how she is”.
She walked away to her car, but he was there beside her. Grabbing and pulling her arm and holding her against the car.
She yelled to let go, and got in her car as soon as he did, but not before he had took her keys.
He admitted to not having her clothes, he just had to see her.
After he told her he can’t love her like he can, he let her go.
Shortly a text to her, telling her he slept with her friend that dropped his key off. Assuming that’s why she was “pissy”.
But she had in fact, had no idea of the betrayal.
The texting never stopped.
He somehow knew where she always was.
They ran into each other at a concert one night. Trying to pull her into the bathroom.
She went and found her current date, telling him of the incident.
He just held her. He knew what her past was like.
She then saw his glare in the colorful lights, before a message appeared on her phone.
Telling her shes a bitch for trying to make him jealous. And that I’d be back to him.
Soon after, he used his kids to his advantage.
Telling her his daughter kept asking for her, and where she went and why she left her.
She loved his kids, and he knew that.
Days after trying to guilt trip her with the kids.
She finally gave in when she was sent a video of his daughter crying for her.
Wanting to tell her she’d always care for her and that she did nothing wrong.
To her surprise, he was alone.
His daughter had left for her moms already.
He failed to tell her that before arriving.
She knew where this night would go.
-RB
Early fall with the Narcissist
He kept his distance for 2 weeks.
Finding the words that would draw her back. He needed her, loved her, they were meant to be.
Playing depressed for all to see.
She soon gave in.
Being told he wanted them official, and a key to his house.
It wasn’t long before the real him came out, again.
Continuing to choose what she wore.
Giving her a curfew of Midnight or not to bother coming home.
She obliged what he said.
Arriving ten minutes late, he filled her eyes with tears, and degraded her.
She kept a distance for a week.
Every night him asking who she was taking home.
Ben & Jerry’s, and Matthew McConaughey was not the right answer.
She found him at her work, at the end of her shifts, just so he could verify her whereabouts and who she was leaving with.
He started to refuse to take her anywhere, not wanting to be seen with her.
Her friends tried to get her out, But he alienated her from them.
Saying she needed better friends and they weren’t real friends.
A family emergency arose, she left his house and drove the 5 miles to the Hospital.
He began to text her. Telling her if he meant anything to her, she’d come home. That she loved everyone else more than him. Giving her an hour to return home.
She replied with telling him she wasn’t happy.
By the time she made it back, she found him sitting on the couch.
His guns laying all around him, cleaning them one by one, it’s nearly midnight.
All he spoke, was telling her to sit in the chair.
She did.
Silence surrounded her. She began to cry, as he began to yell.
Calling someone to let them know she needed help getting her things, he took her phone and threatened anyone that came near his home or me. Before turning her phone off and telling her it’s time for bed.
She laid in that bed, muffling her cries, while he told her to suck it up. Laying there, while he had his way with her. He didn’t take no for an answer.
One sound of a snore, and she crawled from the bed, and crawled to the front door.
3am and she was free.
Having a friend drop his house key off the next day, she couldn’t return there, she couldn’t face him.
She didn’t want to see him,
And for awhile. She didn’t.
-RB
I’m gonna start selling n00dz again fuck it idk why I ever stopped honestly I was makin bank I just… idk we are not as confident as we used to be. Ima work on it tho❗️
Maybe this will help with the body image? It used to a bit.
Does it even matter anymore?
NO!! YOU FUCKING IMBECILE IT HASN’T MATTERED FOR YEARS.
But it hurts. I don’t understand why it wouldn’t matter if it still hurts for some reason.
Move the fuck on! Your wasting everyone’s time, suck it up and live your fucking life.
