it looked like i was losing weight but the scale is telling me otherwise.

one day ill be small enough.

i have been doing SO BAD in my finals and i??? am not feeling anything??? like wtf??? b4, i would have some sort of pressure but now??? idc??? why what what the fuck

It is so weird that I don’t care much for the more popular characters in obey me (Mammon, Asmo, Levi and the twins) but then I fell in love with a background character and won’t shut up about it.

It’s unfair to the characters I know since shit that happened toke when I was younger affects my decisions and I’m skittish, I know it’s just a fake but sometimes how they act bothers me??

Like…I don’t see the appeal and it confuses me???

Like, Asmo bothers me with how flirty he is since I’m asexual and I hate physical contact, especially uninvited contact and that’s ALL he does. Not to mention he treats others kinda like objects and always is talking about himself and fishing for complements.

Mammon…he’s protective and cute, that’s it, he always goes on about how ‘stupid’ and ‘useless’ you are, I know he’s tsundere and it’s supposed to be like that but I don’t care for insults and in all honesty probably would have stopped talking to him after the first interaction given how he literally left us to fend for ourselves on the FIRST DAY. Also, I HATE having people touch my things without permission, and my objects tend to be important to me. So when he sells my shit, I’d honestly use my pact and order him to never come in my room again and to never so much as touch any of my things again. I honestly don’t care for the concept of greed bc personal trauma baby!

Levi…he’s cute and I’m fine with him being bad at social situations, but the insults…I’d definitely get upset and cry. I’d probably avoid him like the plague after the first time he called me a normie.

Beel…literally did nothing wrong I’m just not that attracted to him?? Not to mention the game…just keeps making him seem dumber???? Like he’s not an idiot but the game acts like he is and it confuses me??

Belphie I hate and always will for flat out being abusive physically and mentally. He literally justifies murder by saying he was just mad. I don’t give a shit if he apologized, he chose to murder mc in a violent way to get back at Diavolo. Then he things a ‘sort y’ undoes the damage? Honestly I hate him the most and he don’t even think he’s cute. He’s just?? A jerk?? To everone and because he’s the baby sibling it’s ‘ok’? Dude literally gets away with shit because he’s younger than the others and I hate that.

I literally get upset with a large chunk of the cast because of personal trauma they trigger. It’s not at all intentional and it’s not the characters or creators fault, I’m just generally upset because they remind me of people I’ve been hurt by and it’s stupid

I still love all the characters I’m just venting over stupid shit sorry

i know other people have it worse and i should be grateful that what happened was “better” than somebody else, and some people DIE well I wish I were them. i really do. Fuck.

i know you fucking hate me for who I’ve become or what i actually am. i know you fucking hate what you see when you look at me, I HATE THAT TOO. I fucking hate what I’ve become and i truly, can not see any way back, i really have come too far to heal. I’ve been so shit for so long, i really don’t know what it’s like to be…not-shit. it really feels like an exaggeration now that I’ve written it down.

don’t tell me “everybody feels like that sometimes”, actually, that’s the problem, they feel it “sometimes” and i feel like “that” all the fucking time. what am I supposed to do? what the fuck.

I feel guilty when I sleep a bit more, i feel guilty when I get something as a gift, i feel guilty when somebody tells me I have so much potential, i feel guilty when I eat something good, i feel guilty when my hair look good after shampooing it - i just. don’t fucking deserve to feel good at all. that’s the whole issue, i have done nothing to be deserving of any adoration or whatever.

when my mom acts like a bitch to me and doesn’t give me food or calls me names, yes i do feel like crying, i do feel angry at her but i don’t really feel guilty or “i don’t deserve this treatment”. when I’m not angry at her, I’m angry at myself and that really gets in the way of being productive - i *have* to be productive if i want to get out of this house - i have to be productive or just kill myself (for which i don’t have enough resources anymore, unfortunately). i don’t have anything to look forward to anyway.

everyday I have to find something or someone to be angry at or be pissed at ANYTHING at all.

when my mom changes back to her “oh-i-love-you-na” self, there’s nothing for me to hate on except for myself, i sometimes really, really wish she keeps being an ass to me so i don’t have to.

i don’t know how to end it or whatever. I’m just. going to leave it right here.

i honestly believed i was getting better for once lmao what a fucking joke

When I see bad takes from inniters I get a double whammy icky

I feel icky for being a part of this group that would dare say something like this

Then I also end up feeling icky for being a c!Dream stan because that’s usually what they’re shitting on and there’s always a part of me that’s like “am I not allowed to like things?”

On today’s episode of “Is it ADHD or am I just losing my marbles?”:

I have somehowmanaged to lose mass amounts of medication. I know what you’re thinking, “Logan, how can you possibly lose your medication? Where tf did it go?” The answer is, I don’t know!

IknowIhad the medication a few days ago. There was enough boxes stored in my medication box where all of it goes, so it’s in one place! But it’s all gone! I have none! I’m sure there’s some evil medication stealing little mythological fella taking my meds. That’s the only explanation. It’s the onlythingkeepingme from going on a rampage, thinking that I have some sort of evil, medication stealing little goober around my house.

I was feeling sad and depressed today so I took it out on kakashi

Please read this

If you’re a minor, do not interact with me and not only with me, do not interact with any blog that says 18+ only. Even though your intentions are pure and you wouldn’t look at my the 18+ posts I make, I would appreciate if you don’t interact at all because I can’t face lawsuit because of you. Even after so many posts like this have been made on Tumblr, I can’t believe there are people who still don’t understand the meaning of NSFW/18+ blogs. I never thought i would be the one to make a post like this especially after so many posts being made on this issue here but yeah. Also, if there are any minors following my blog, please unfollow me before i find and block you myself.

A little vent I might receive hate for:

I always see posts like “if you don’t reblog” and it’s usually followed by some insult. I just want to say I don’t think that’s okay. Yes, a lot of things going on do need recognition. Yes, there are topics going around that a lot of people choose to ignore regardless of how important they are. So when someone says “I don’t care what your theme is just reblog anyway” or “If you ignore this you’re ___” it really upsets me because I don’t think they realize that sometimes someone’s blog is meant for comfort FROM those things they see all the time. Yes, the topic may be important and you may want justice but please remember some people can’t mentally handle it. Their followers may also follow them for comfort from those things as well. Certain “please reblog” topics can be triggering too. So please don’t hate someone for not reblogging. It doesn’t make them wrong and it doesn’t mean they don’t support your cause either. It simply means they mentally can’tand that is valid.

I just want to say I DO reblog important topics and things I support so I am someone who you’ll see reblog that stuff. But I do want to say I don’t support it when it’s a guilt trip/or insult. Sometimes people just can’t handle it and I support that. I noticed this more and more recently so if my past reblogs are like that I apologize because I haven’t noticed it until now.

Reminder:

It’s okay to block tags.

It’s okay to ignore that one post. It doesn’t mean you don’t support them. It doesn’t mean you’re wrong. It just means you can’t handle it at the moment, and that’s valid.

It’s okay to take breaks.

It’s okay to ignore that one account you’ve been avoiding.

It’s okay. It’s valid. You’re valid.

Had a conversation today about work that made me realize something. We were talking about how you should try to strive to be the best in what you do to not be disposable and a part of me agrees with it. Practically speaking, if you aren´t unique, anybody can replace you. Making yourself be the best option is part of your survival. 

There´s a part of me that has stopped thinking that in order to keep myself from burning out like I used to so many times over in the past. I rather think my best self for someone and the best for me are a match that doesnt occur often, so when it does I should strive for the best I can do. However, if my best this time isn´t at the same level as my best in another, it doesn´t mean I´m not enough. I will never be enough for everyone and anyone. I can only hope to do the best I can in a given moment.

I do my best everytime I have to work for someone, but that doesn´t mean I will kill myself in order to get to be “good enough” for them. If my best isn´t good enough for them, then it´s fine by me if they search another person. 

I´m replaceable and mediocre, but that doesn´t stop me from giving my best every time I´m given the chance to show my worth. What my best means won´t be the same always.

fucking god, im so fucking tired. Idk how good of an idea is to work in so many stuff at the same time, but the rewards are enough? idk either. Hope I don´t burn out what´s left of me.

mitzy-pudding:

fallingmaddlyinlove:

tw**

you know what trend that i absolutely despise? i can’t stand the “sometimes bullying is okay” thing going around. like, you are literally going to get people to kill themselves. i do not care how “weird” or “cringey” somebody is to you. if they are not hurting anyone or being offensive, then leave them ALONE. let people be themselves ffs.

people that say “sometimes bullying is okay” have never been bullied or WERE the bullies. The effects of being bullied from kindergarten up until the point where I dropped out still fucking affect me. Literally fuck you if you say some shit like that. Joking or not.

yeah literally. and same. i had to switch schools. i am so fucking done.

tw**

you know what trend that i absolutely despise? i can’t stand the “sometimes bullying is okay” thing going around. like, you are literally going to get people to kill themselves. i do not care how “weird” or “cringey” somebody is to you. if they are not hurting anyone or being offensive, then leave them ALONE. let people be themselves ffs.

There’s nothing like getting four hours of sleep and having to go to class and listen to like three classmates in a row talk about how people with low-empathy are monsters, but the specific character they’re talking about is still human despite it because he fucks a woman one time

Psychotic girls go brrrrr

Why do you always choose her and not me?

I just want to see her die…

Whether it be slow or fast….

Whether she’s tortured to death or if it’s a painless one….

I just want her to die and not be here with you anymore.

Ijust wanna be with you 24/7, is that so wrong?

Well,Icriedinthebathroomatworktodaylmao

Why am I never in your dreams, but you’re always in mine..?

Ijustwanttocutmyself, but IknowIshouldn’t.Ihatemylifeandeverythinginit.Iwanttodie,Iwanttofeelsometypeofreliefinthisworld.♡

Why do you look at her and not at me!?

LOOK AT ME AND ME ONLY!!

SHE’S NOT EVEN PRETTY ENOUGH FOR YOU!

I can’t just let you go. You’ve taken up so much of my time, my thoughts, my heart even. You can’t just walk away like this was nothing.

thoughts & feelings

yesterdays-shadowtag:

true infjcore is losing your fucking mind and cursing out a friend for being rude to your best friend, then apologizing to them for being rude

to add on my friends were planning a trip after exams (that i cannot go for) and this one bitch was like “nah, we dont wanna take *insert bsf name*” and bsf in question DMed me saying how hurt she was.

true infjcore is losing your fucking mind and cursing out a friend for being rude to your best friend, then apologizing to them for being rude