#tw ana vent

it looked like i was losing weight but the scale is telling me otherwise.

The Last das my Boss said my cloth were to “sexy” for work… i was wearing … one Pullover one dress one Jeans under my Dress and a jacket because it was Cold.. what was sexy about it… ? I feel so fucking Bad.. and today an old friend just huged me After she broke Kontakt and told me it was her boyfriends fault that time… i feel so fucking depressed . But theres one good thing ! Were goingvto get another Baby kitty…

Yoooo they raised my medication to 100 mg setralin. Like… dude i must be baddd .

I feel so fucking neuseus . I Think im gonna die

Ughhhhh i ate so mich today and i feel so depressed . I took some stuff to Poop my fucking guts out now starteing again tomorrow . On a new one ! Lineart to Kill time and Bad feelings .

Starteing my milk mono as long as i hold up :D since the Farm brought me 6 Liter pf milk and i gotta get them away somehow haha

I Found my old trigger song . And it hurts so good . Fuck this song got me threw some hard Hunger pains in the past . If you believe in something beautiful , then get up and be it .

I didnt Poop in 4 days but i fart so hella much without any scent like.. fuck ? Also !!! My sister die something realy helpfull today … im at her place rn . And she Made Pizza and saw me struggeling eating the whole piece . So she said

“Hey . Dont eat that . You wont feel good after , right ? Just let it be . ” and smyled at me . And it helped me . Im realy thankfull shes always so understanding. Well.. mostly . I love her .

I just do the whole thing .

1 . 50 / bmi 20 .

2 . 158 . Yeah .

3. I actually dont have one . I stopped haveing one .

4 . Being sent back into clinic .

5. Im doing it for myself . I cant look at my Body rn .

6. Sometimes i eat 1100 . Its considered a binge for me .

7. Yes my mom knows . My mom thinks its fine since she is getting my old pair of Pants but she seems worried sometimes .

8. 50 sit ups a day 25 leg train diffrent things at once . Stretching and driveing the bike every day for at least an hour . My Goal is - 450 kcal a day .

9. My brother recently said ( before i started loosing weight again ) “your tummy became fat ”

10. My strengt to not starve again since 4 years .

11. I dont have one .

12 . Smoothies , Coffee and vegtable smoothies . Sometimes i eat stuff i gotta chew like today 75 g of bread 22g Salami and 1 Table spoon Butter. 233 kcal .

13 . Deffently unhealthy

14 . 43 . In 6 months . I did the math xd

15 . I was raised vegetarian , started to be vegan . And now im eating meat like… not often .

16 . When i was 12 . I threw up in the shool Toilettes.

17. Yeah . Was diagnosed with anorexia nervosa once then it switched to bullimia .

18 . Spagetti regretti

19. 2 months Ago?

20. Restricting .

21 . 38

22. 40 . I gained because i was pregnant and decided to eat for my child to survive . ( shes a happy child so i did good there )

23 . No

24 . I dont like the terms .

25 . I got a comment from a boy that my legs were fat . So i purged in the shool Toilette.

26 . I will See the gap in my legs again , and also i can fit back into my favorite Jeans.

27 . Im constantly around food since i cook for my daughter , i Deal with it well . It dosnt bother me .

28. Yes ! Because i Think its pretty .

29. Everyone is beautiful . And i Think beauty comes from the inside . I dont care of someone has a gap or is overweight . But i care in my case . I like myself better skinny .

30 .

First fact : im a mother . Second fact : we own three geckos . Third fact : we own also two cats . Fourth fact : i Play the Piano. Fifth fact : i am an Artist. Sixth fact : im working part time . Seventh fact : i got two big sisters and one Big brother . Eighth fact : i just Lost my dad Last year December . Nineth fact : i love everyone that ever talks to me , toll proven theyr creepy or a Bad Person. Tenth fact : im a realy forgiving Person to everyone Who did me harm once . And i hope to be 48 in a few Weeks:) . But im still 50 lmao .

I ate 900 kcal yesterday and still lost weight . The work out worked i find it funny how much my fucking mood depends on what the scale says also i fucking fixed my scale . Call me a mechanic bitch now

Schau dir “Das zu ehrliche DANCE WORKOUT | Natasha Kimberly” auf YouTube an

I love it . “ common you fat pig shake your hips ! For what did you eat all that fat ???”

So… i chewd some meat and spit it out again… like.. i got a Problem lmao. I also buyd myself a Croissant. But i tasted chocolate so i spit it out again . I ate a salad tho . To get rid of that diarreha :3

Drinking the famous Matcha Latte ginger in the morning

Yesterday i chewd some Gnocchi and spit them out again . Gotta clean that up still but i got work now .wish me luck i almost fainted yesterday on the bike lmao .

Me : alright… lets weight myself .

Scale : 145 kg

Me : ???? I was 50 yestersay ???

Scale :120 kg

Me : alright fuck you . I gotta replace you .

My fucking scale just broke .

Into my second Matcha Latte now After a 3 hours sleep . I was hungry so i decided rot sleep it out rather than eat something

Driveing the bike every morning 3,5 Kilometer is -240 kcal every morning After my Matcha Latte ginger is “♡♡♡ mmhh des ”

Sorry for not Being active . Im busy , doing like Sports and killing myself

I ate cake , and then i puked all of it out again

Gimme a gun .

Im going fuckin crazy !!! Fucking cake .. i dont wanna sit there watch every Person war!and i ?? I cant fucking eat !!!i know i wont babe able to even throw it up !!! Im already at 280 kcal!!! And i know i need to eat some Pasta salad ! I know i need to eat even a spoon !! This is makeing me go nuts .. i packed some cake up for the shine . Like.. pretend pretend .. i wish everyone knew and would let me alone !!!

Im at a birthday . And soon theres going to be food. Im starveing . But like im also fuckin scared … i probably eat as slow as as my leaf insects.

I felt so fuckin Bad because i ate these two low Carb pieces of flan i was like… alright im infront of a binge . Lets rather eat a little bit more than eat a whole pack of chocolate in a few days . But like… damn i cryd so much in the evening .

I forgott Posteing yesterday eating diary. Sorry .

Ate :270 kcal

Burned :276 kcal

I lost 600g over night huff , im so relieved. If my calculation is going to be true , im at 43 in 5 months . ( i counted 200 g per day . It could also be faster. )

i’m back to report that the relationship with my mom is now irrepairable and due to all this stress i gained a kg in a few days

but to share some god news i’m in the final round of the selection process of a scholarship program that would allow me to spend a yeer in the us for free the closer it gets the less i want to go actually as i wouldn’t be out of reach for my parents or any parent so just moving by myself seems more appealing but also i literally have no idea how i’d make enough money for rent

enough for now we’ll see anyway

more good news: i started pole dancing and it’s a whole lot of fun also if shit hits the fan i still could be a stripper lol the new sport actually gives me a lot of motivation to get my shit together i want to do high res (800 cals) plus a workout that burns around 550 cals and stretching every day except sunday wednesday and friday as those are already training days

i just want a slender body and hollow cheeks that’s all i want

i need to be really pragmatic about food it’s there to fuel my body not to please me duh