the fact that we’re on this earth for a limited time, and in that limited amount of time we can only experience a limited amount of things… we can only read so many books or watch so many movies or listen to so much music. And we will never know what we’re missing out on. And then we’ll be gone. and maybe we do have multiple lives, maybe we do get reincarnated, but we don’t remember our past lives. I can’t tell u what my past lives experienced. I’ll only be able to fall in love in so many ways. I can’t dress in every way i want. i don’t look exactly how i want. I know people i wish i were closer to and there are people i long to meet. This life is so short and i can’t even start to work my way through the bucketlist of life because of these things tying me down. The idea that there will come something so amazing and i’ll never be able to experience it fills me with so much anguish and loss and i genuinely don’t know how to fill that void. so for now i listen to every type of music, i watch shows and movies my friends recommend. I read and I read and I read. And there’s always more. But i guess what is life if not a constant yearning for meaning?
I’ve been trying the positive attitude philosophy, “live every day like it’s your last”, but it’s more like every second day cos I’m just too hungover on the other alternate days to keep that level of positivity going…
Some pictures from being back on campus–this semester is going by so quickly
I’m faced with existential dread about the idea of graduating at the end of it–though I have to figure out my credits and make sure I’m cleared to graduate first, and get though all my classes and senior thesis (my advisor gave me a books worth of articles at our meeting this week). But I’m 0 for 3 on my grad school applications which means I have to figure out what to do next year and the anxiety of it is not helping me focus on anything.
