Some glimpses into my journey to discover my Ace-ness. When you’re a queer woman in male-dominated field, you get pulled into the male gaze a lot. I was used to it, but this moment stood out because I was the only one who felt nada for this faceless hottie.
This confusion dates back 12 yrs ago, and I called myself a “face person” for ages before I knew terms like aesthetic attraction, or the vast experiences under the Ace umbrella. If I can’t see the person’s face or don’t know who’s in the photo, they might as well be a bucket.
Hope to do a sort of series, in no particular order.
Being asexual can be hard sometimes but know that you are loved and accepted by so many people who cherish your asexuality just as much as they cherish you
hey guys, so there have been some versions of an aspec flag but none that are very widely used and as someone who wants to identify as just aspec and i’m sure there are many others of you who agree out there i wanted a flag that would fully represent the ace identity! black is lack of attraction, purple represents the asexual side, green represents the aromantic side, gray represents graysexuals and white represents acceptance of everyone in the ace community including those who experience some attraction but are on the aspec
Todd’s suggestion in Bojack for an asexual dating app has received a lot of positive attention from people asking for it to be real and I would like to point out Spades and Arrows already exists it’s an a-spec dating app for both aro spec and ace spec folks! And Ace App which is a social media/ dating app for aspecs
I had an amazing, long talk with my sister yesterday and she might be asexual and/or aromantic. It seems like some people have persuaded her that she just isn’t ready for a relationship, although I’m a bit doubtful of that, as she said that she doesn’t even feel any attraction.
If you are asexual and/or aromantic, or anywhere else on the ace spectrum, I’d love to her about your own experience, however much you want to share about it. I’d like to show her what (other) ace and/or aro people feel, maybe she’ll identify with your experiences.
So please - you’d do me and my sister a huge favour!! - send in any of your experiences you feel comfortable sharing. They can be as long or as short as you want them to be, about anything related to your identity.
Send your experiences as an ask, submit a post, send me an instant message, anything works - I won’t post anything you don’t want me to, of course!
Thank you so much for your help. If you’re not on the spectrum yourself, I’d love it if you could reblog this to reach other people! <3
i think ace and aro people should be allowed to talk about their feelings about sex and romance, and how the fact that they’re so pervasive in our society has affected them, without having to baby everything down and wrap every statement in reassurances for allos
oh i also think we should be allowed to make fun jokes about our orientation without getting harassed for it
I’m so thankful to the aces who came before me. Thanks to you all, I now have the language to define myself instead of just thinking I’m broken or different.
bringing this back today for the start of pride month. still overwhelmed by how well this comic went down and with how many people relate. it’s easy to think aro-ace people are all totally accepting of their identities and really proud of who they are. i guess on websites like this you see a lot of people proudly putting their identity in their bio, a flag in their profile picture.
in fact i think a lot of aro-ace people really hate that part of themselves, hide it, and struggle for a long time to ‘accept’ who they are and feel any sense of ‘pride’. that’s the feeling i wanted to capture here. the disappointment, the loneliness, upon realising that you can’t feel what is such a wonderful thing. the embarrassment of not being ‘normal’, of being some random sexuality that nobody irl has heard of, and letting down those around you because you can’t be who they want you to be. how desperately you want to change, how desperately you want to feel. but you just can’t.
i know not all aro-ace people feel like this. i know lots of aro and/or ace people feel able to be in relationships, to feel closeness and have partners in other ways. but i think it’s important to be aware that some aro-ace people do feel like this.
the comments on this comic have mostly been great but a few have been very frustrating. a comment it got a lot was along the lines of ‘aw!! you don’t need to have sex to be in a relationship!’. you completely missed the point, hah. this is not a comic about sex. it’s about a lack of feeling, the lack of something beautiful other people seem to have. another comment that popped up a few times was ‘maybe she’s a lesbian’. well maybe lesbians and aro/ace girls have more in common than people think - maybe they both often struggle to accept that they feel no attraction to men, even though society has conditioned them to do so, sometimes spending years trying to force themselves to like men in that way, when they just can’t.
this comic is called ‘wanting and not wanting at the same time’ because she wants to love. but when it comes down to the reality, she can’t fulfil the requirements of that. she wants to love someone forever, to get married and have children and grow old with her soulmate, but she doesn’t want it with this person. or that person. or anyone she meets or will ever meet. a sort of catch 22, i guess.
hope that makes sense. thanks for listening, and have a lovely pride month ❤️
relationships don’t have to be all about sex or making out and i feel like a lot of people don’t realize that.. like i don’t care if you don’t kiss me, i just care that you feel loved and happy. a healthy relationship is like crying together, helping your partner clean their room, going shopping together.. doing normal people things but still having them there because it feels nicer or is more fun… we don’t need to be all over each other but if thats what you like it’s just an added bonus, ya know?
(Three images with the asexual pride flag as a background and text on top. Left: “asexual pride”. Middle: “asexuality is real and valid”. Right: “proud to be ace-spec”.)
ace-specs who have problems with dissociation, have dissociative episodes, have a dissociative disorder, and/or are part of a system are amazing and beautiful and their asexuality is hella valid <3
gloomsexual:a subset of asexual in which there is not only a lack of sexual attraction, but it is replaced by feelings of apathy and sadness towards the idea of sex
gloomromantic:a subset of aromantic in which there is not only a lack of romantic attraction, but it is replaced by feelings of apathy and sadness towards the idea of romance
@ bregee13 asked for a gloomsexual flag and i figured i’d also make a gloomromantic flag! the inner stripes are from the asexualandaromantic flags and the outer ones represent apathy and sadness.
flag id: two flags with 5 stripes. the left flag’s stripes, in order, are blue-grey, dark blue-grey, dark purple-pink, dark blue-grey, and blue-grey. the right flag’s stripes in order, are blue-grey, dark blue-grey, green, dark blue-grey, and blue-grey. end id.
With prevalent sex negativity and essentialist ideas of orientation & sexuality, aces often face invalidation and stigma for their sex drives and/or sexual behaviour. Check out these ace perspectives on sex and kink: https://taaap.org/2021/10/28/ace-week-21-aces-sex-kink/
[ID: Anakin and Padmé in Star Wars: Attack of the Clones staring at each other. In panel 1, Anakin, labelled “my body,” says “you’re asexual.” In 2, Padmé, labelled “me,” smiles and says “that means I won’t be horny, right?” Panel 3 zooms in on Anakin’s staring face (still labelled “my body”). In 4, Padmé’s smile falls and she repeats (still labelled “me”), “that means I won’t be horny, right?” End ID.]
A term for someone who does not experience physical attraction. This person may also be asexual, nonaesthetic, and/or asensual, or they could experience those types of attraction without a physical component.
The aphysical spectrum (aphys-spec) is a broader label that also encompasses those who experience atypical (fluctuating, very little, fluid, demi-/auto-/fray-/etc) physical attraction.
Flag meanings are the same as the original aphysical flag. The aphys-flag meanings are pink-brown for atypical physical attraction, pink-orange for aphys-spec people who still have/want physical relationships, gray for aphysical identity, pink for ace/asen/etc-spec people, and purple for asexual/asensual/etc people.
Aemotional and aemo-spec
A term for someone who does not experience emotional attraction. This person may also be aromantic, nonalterous, and/or a(queer)platonic, or they could experience those types of attraction without an emotional component.
The aemotional spectrum (aemo-spec) is a broader label that also encompasses those who experience atypical (fluctuating, very little, fluid, demi-/auto-/fray-/aego-/lith-/cupio-/etc) emotional attraction.
If you don’t like vowels next to each other at the beginning of words you can call this ‘anemotional’ and ‘anem-spec’.
Also, someone (AndleRandle on Fandom) actually already made an aemo-spec flag but I wanted an official/matching one instead. So sorry Andle! Your flag is fine I just wanted to make my own.
Flag meanings are the same as the original aemotional flag. The aemo-flag meanings are dark pink for atypical emotional attraction, pink for aemo-spec people who still have/want emotional relationships, dark gray for aemotional identity, blue for aro/apl/etc-spec people, and dark blue for aromantic/aplatonic/etc people.
Atertiary and ate®-spec
A term for someone who does not experience tertiary attraction. This person would also be nonamical, asocial, amental, axenial, adomestic, and a[any other type of tertiary attraction].
The atertiary spectrum (ate[r]-spec) is a broader label that also encompasses those who experience atypical (fluctuating, very little, fluid, demi-/auto-/fray-/aego-/lith-/cupio-/etc) tertiary attraction. The ater-spec can also include people who experience some, but not all, types of tertiary attraction.
However some people don’t like the term tertiary attraction because it can imply that types of attraction other than physical/s3xual (3=e) and emotional/romantic are less important. The term eriattraction was created as an alternative and some Fandom users (idk who) suggested that atertiary could therefore also be called noneriattracted (and I suggest that ater-spec could be noneri-spec). Another suggestion to replace tertiary is non-rose. So atertiary could also be called anrose and anro-spec.
Flag meanings are the same as the original atertiary flag. The ater-flag meanings are purple for atypical tertiary attraction, blue for ater-spec people who still have/want tertiary relationships, light gray for atertiary identity, yellow for axen/asoc/etc-spec people, and orange-brown for axenial/asocial/etc people.
Notes:
-Someone who is completely aphysical, aemotional, and atertiary may be considered anattractional (not experiencing any form of attraction at all).
-What counts as physical vs emotional vs tertiary attraction is completely up to the individual! Attraction feels different to everyone and if someone wants to use one if these terms due to being on an a-spectrum that I didn’t explicitly list on the definition that’s fine. (Ex: an apresential person considering themself aphysical or aemotional instead of atertiary).
This is a little comic I made about the journey I went through in discovering that I’m ace and coming out. It’s drawn in the same simple style I used for my hourlycomics, which is really only a step above thumbnails, but I wanted to go ahead and share it. At some point I plan to redraw it properly for my comic siteandTapastic account, and maybe even print it!
One thing about the comic’s timeline that I wanted to address… When I first came out as ace on social media last November, I actually did come out as demisexual. But since that time, I gained a greater understanding of both myself and the ace and aro spectrums, and realized that demiromantic ace was a much more accurate fit for me.
In the months that followed my coming out as ace on social media, I slowly began coming out to close family and friends in real life. I was worried about how the people closest to me would react, but it’s gone pretty well so far!
I made this comic to address the doubts, questions, and confusing aspects of myself that made it so hard to understand or explain how I felt before I found the ace community. I especially wanted to represent those who, like me, didn’t realize they were ace for years because they were misinformed or didn’t even know it was an option… who fall into the gray area of the ace spectrum or aren’t sure how to define their asexuality… who worry about whether they’re “ace enough” because they’re gray ace, sex favorable, or both. I hope this comic helps any fellow aces who feel like they can relate to it! :)
(And BTW… any flames from discoursers about my support for ace inclusion in the LGBTQIA+ community will be used to toast marshmallows and then deleted.) ;)
It’s National Coming Out Day, so I thought I’d give this comic a reblog! It tells the story of my journey of self-discovery, questioning, and coming out as demiromantic ace. :)
[ID: ten images of pride flags with the word ‘bród’ (pride) and heart emojis in the flag’s colours written on top. Pride flags are: 1978 rainbow, oriented aro ace, aro ace spec and aro ace by @aroaceworms, aro allo, aro ace, greyromantic, greysexual, blue red black polyamorous and pink purple polyamorous by @whimsy-flags. End ID.]
[ID as Gaeilge: deich pictiúir faoi bratach bród agus an focail ‘bród’ agus emoji croí sa dathanna seo. Is é bogha báistí 1978, leasmar gan-ghnéas gan-rómáns, beagán rómáns agus ghnéas agus gan-rómáns gan-ghnéas le @aroaceworms, gan-rómáns allai-ghnéasach, gan-rómáns gan-ghnéas, liath-rómáns, liath-ghnéas, gorm dearg dubh il-leannánach agus bándearg corcra il-leannánach le @whimsy-flags na bratach bród.]
Hey everyone!! My newest video is out. I breakdown the asexual spectrum and talk about different labels that fall under it. If you wanna know more about the ace spec just it out!!
Happy International Asexuality Day!!! I just wanted to do a little something to celebrate today. People don’t really think about asexuality a lot or hear our stories so I wanted to change that! This video I read some of my viewers ace stories
When I was younger not a lot of people talked about being demisexual and honestly it’s still a sexuality that gets over looked a lot. I decided to make this video because if I can help just one person questioning if they’re demisexual it would make my day
Hello my lovely peeps! My newest video is out and I’m super excited for it. I talk about some of my favorite asexual headcanons. Click the link and be sure to comment below who your favorite ace headcanon is
