“was it all in my head”

arsonistjughead:

kevin percival mpreg antichrist baby when

Don’t hate me but this came up in my mind and I had to.

I hate you, yet I don’t want them because they’re not you.

So tell me, what high did you get off of pretending that you loved me?

You must get off on sinking your teeth into your lover until they can’t find a heart beat.

Moss.

Let’s envision a tree,

A beautiful tree with hanging moss.

Except, that moss hanging off of those beautiful branches symbolizes all of the hurt you have been through.

Would your tree be full? Covered in wilting branches , not being able to take the weight of that moss?

So envision your tree, you were born with it free of moss, just clean, green branches.

Now tell your tree of your happiest times.

It’s leafs grew brighter.

Now, tell your tree what made you who you are today. Heartache, the most devastating form of growing as a person.

After all, that is all that this tree cares to hear about.

Nobody is perfect.

“As I sit here in front of you, I’m going to start off by saying that I have never been good at saying goodbye and my heart breaks at the thought of me no longer being close to who I am currently close to today. I love deeply , and I sometimes think that is my biggest down fall. I have loved people so deep that my bones ache, and the blood in my veins send electric waves to my heart. I have hated, but I’ve never hated someone more than I have loved someone. I honestly do not hate people. I try to see the good in everyone. Maybe that’s because after losing a part of myself , I know that you never truly know what someone else is going through. Losing a part of myself, you may ask. Means I chose to love the wrong soul. I let him take the best of me. Or was it the worst? I’m not sure. All I know, is that it took me a very long time to look into the mirror and see a reflection of a girl that is worthy of love. It took me a very long time to look into the mirror and smile , and say “you are okay” because, even after all of the heartache my heart had to bare. It didn’t give up on me. And I love myself so much for taking me out of the dark place my heart was once thrown in. So yes, I love, that may be one of the only things I am truly good at. I have had to learn to accept the fact that there will always be bumps in the road and that not everyday is a good day. I’ve had to learn how to love myself. Love is what makes life. The most important thing I have learned though, is to love yourself. And I don’t mean your body, but your soul. Where I once saw grey, I now see purple, and I really hope others do too. Life is so short to live broken hearted. Find something that makes you happy. Even if it terrifies you to do so.”

After you got done telling the branches of that tree how you truly felt, the moss grew , and it grew.

It covered every branch,

But it looked so beautiful.

A tree that has lived, it doesn’t look perfect on the outside.

Because the inside of it finally holds the branches truth.

That tree, your tree. It is perfectly imperfect.

The moss hanging off of your limbs look so beautiful, that strangers randomly stop by to capture how the leaves sway in the wind on their camera.

That moss is beautiful.

You are beautiful.

And life too, is beautiful.

I had to learn how to breathe

And how to smile

Without you.

Liquor tainted my veins

Leaving the memories of you very vague

Yet one night I woke up screaming your name

My throat was so tight , you were nowhere in sight

That’s when I realized that my lover lied

And my heart was slowly commiting suicide

I can now say that I am okay, but I miss you in the oddest ways

Is she everything that you thought she’d be?

Do you love her more than you loved me?

You were the cloud and I was the rain

My love was too heavy for your soul to maintain.

I’m so unhappy and I don’t know if I can get better this time.