#incorrect batman quotes
Jason Todd: You know what they say: go big or go home!
Bruce Wayne, sobbing: I’m begging you, Jason, for once in your life, PLEASE go home
Jason: *whispering* I’m going big
genuinely the funniest thing i’ve read allweek
*Christmas Day*
Tim, cautiously unwrapping a gift from Damian: It’s a notebook?
Damian, rolling his eyes: Look inside.
Tim, still slightly scared: “Once again Drake wouldn’t get out of my sight today. He always looks so stupid sitting at that computer of his with a cup of stale, cold coffee–”
Tim, angry: Hey, what is this?!
Damian: A notebook detailing everything I don’t like about you. There’s 15 more in my room so I don’t have to worry about your Christmas gifts for a while.
Tim: I hate you, Bruce can we send him back?
Bruce, done with his children: No
Tim: Damn it
Jason: why aren’t you going to college??
Tim: what does it matter to you? Dick flunked out and you never went.
Jason: the fuck I didn’t. I have my bachelors in literature.
Tim:…
Bruce: you do?!? You do ?
Tim Drake: it’s 5 AM somewhere
President Lex Luthor: Bruce, please consider filling a post I’m creating. It may mean long hours and dangerous nights, surrounded by some of the scummiest elements in our society.
Bruce Wayne: You want me to be in your cabinet?
Bruce:so
Bruce: you lied to me.
Jason: that depends on how you define lying
Bruce: well, i define it as not telling the truth. how do you define it?
Jason:
Jason: reclining your body in a horizontal position
tim: why would you give a knife to a child?
bruce: damian felt unsafe
tim: now i feel unsafe.
bruce:
bruce: would you like a knife,
“It’s hilarious to think about how much money you must of spent fighting all the Arkham regulars—let alone lil ol’ me…”
-The Joker
im so very late to this but!!!! VIBE CHECK!!!
Bruce Wayne Avoids Questions
Bruce Wayne was flustered by reporters outside Wayne Enterprises after rumors about the billionaire being a masked superhero surfaced. After an anonymous tip sent to the GCPD early Friday morning was leaked, people everywhere are speculating whether or not the theory is true. More will come on the situation later, but until then, we’re all left to wonder: is Bruce Wayne… Green Lantern?
*cut to Bruce staring at the TV, face red, knuckles white, trying to figure out how the fuck people are thinking he’s fucking Hal Jordan. Is Hal the one behind this? If he is Bruce is gonna fucking kill him*
bruce, smirking: we have to stop meeting like this
selina: you do realize you just threw up all over my shoes, right?
bruce:
bruce: yes well I think I also have some internal bleeding so
Diana: So, what’s your plans for Christmas?
Batman: I have to go to the store buy the boys their Christmas presents.
Superman: wow, they’re gonna received more presents? They’re so Lucky. I only received Santa’s presents.
Diana: what you’re talking about?
Superman: I’m just saying they’re lucky for getting presents from Santa and you Bruce. When I was younger I only received presents from Santa, it’s funny he wrapped the presents in special paper so I wouldn’t see what was inside, and he was so quiet like, I didn’t even hear him when he entered and leaved my house.
Batman to Diana: I’m gonna tell him.
Diana: Don’t you dare.
Tim: so… What was everybody doing while I was dead?
Damian: I kidnapped your friends and became the leader of the teen titans.
Tim:
Bruce: Tim drop that gun-
Batman: Jason, if you kill someone that’s means you’re a criminal.
Jason:bitch, you break almost every traffic and airspace laws in this world, you have information that even the government shouldn’t have, you have no ideia what privacy means and you put minors to fight serial killers and monsters. And I’m pretty sure that being a vigilant is a crime too.
Batman: but- killing is ba-
Jason: SHUT UP.
*Bruce’s Grindr plays in the middle of a Justice League Meeting*
Clark, Hal, Barry: *Stares in gay language*
Diana: Funny, Steve has the same ringtone.
Bruce: Yeah, I get that there are moments, small moments, very infrequent moments, where I’m not the easiest guy to work with, but who the hell is?
Clark: I am
Bruce: Fuck you
bruce wayne buys an nft for wayne enterprises and then gets jumped as soon as he gets at home
jason: ow! son of a b-
bruce: JASON! cameras!
jason: …iscuit! son of a biscuit
bruce: thank you
tim: nice save
jason: hell yeah, i fucking nailed it
bruce:
bruce, wearing dark grey:
damian: i see you’re breaking out the spring colours
tim: i’m going to get some fresh air
jason: yeah whatever
bruce: where’s tim?
jason: he said he wanted some fresh air
bruce: WE ARE ON A PLANE
