[5.06 pm] Jungkook smiled mischievously before killing your character for the 100th time that day and kissed your cheek, running away from you soon after and leaving you cursing at him before you got up and chased your boyfriend around the house.
◈ summary: no one ever told you that you had a soulmate or—soulmates for that matter. humans don’t have soulmates but shapeshifters do. what are you supposed to do when the seven members of the worlds biggest boy band turn out to be your soulmates—only for you to realise that they aren’t even human.
the band is on a hiatus and army thinks they are completing their mandatory military service. you believe that too, at least you did, until you realized that you had adopted them and that one way or another they were gonna live with you—as hybrids because apparently you all are soulmates.
◈ (hybrid au // soulmate au // idol au) (fluff // humour // smut // angst // eventually nsfw) (nc-18) (ot7 x reader) (slow burn)
Pairing: Jungkook x Reader | [slight] Yoongi x Reader
Genre: fluff, angst, smut, roommates!au, college!au, fuckboi!jk, enemies to friends to lovers
Summary: Star basketball player Jeon Jungkook has a reputation as the ultimate fuckboi. He’s loved by everyone. Everyone. And you would have followed suit if he had not broken all your strict Roommate Rules™ within the first week of his stay. Jungkook, on the other hand, thinks you’re absolutely bizarre. But there’s a silver lining — Mr. Fuckboi here knows basketball captain Min Yoongi, your dreadfully clueless crush. He strikes up a deal with you: he’ll teach you the ways of flirting if you lessen your load of rules (so Jungkook can continue perusing his way through the ladies on campus). Yet the longer Jungkook spends with you, the more he realizes that maybe he doesn’t want to be the campus fuckboi anymore. The problem is, how does he prove that to you?
Rating: 18+ sexual content.
Warnings: protected sex, oral (f. receiving), handjob through clothes??, cumming in pants :D, slow burn, a lot of making out, titty sucking, cursing, alcohol consumption from parties, drug (weed) consumption (but not main pairing), marking with nails (not from y/n tho omg), jk sleeps around, and he’s a basketball player oof, honestly jk and y/n are just hella confused
Word Count: 20.6k
a/n ✑ it’s here, part uno! thank you so much for your patience!! i hope you enjoy this fic that was originally supposed to be 15k max… i appreciate all the support/motivation mwah mwah <3 the warnings for part two are included here as well (so if they dont show,,, it’s cuz it’s in the next one)
Synopsis: You’ve just been laid off, and all you want to do is eat some dinner, curl into bed, and forget. Unfortunately, the neighborhood block party is tonight, and the festivities turn downright chaotic when the entire city loses power. Don’t fret, though. Jungkook will help take your mind off things for a while.
Genres | Content Warnings | Themes: Strangers to lovers, FLUFF with a capital FLUFF, Yugyeom makes an appearance, humor, comfort, smut (starts out with sweet, vanilla sex and masturbation, turns into biting, hickeys, fingering, oral sex [female receiving, male receiving], edging, protected vaginal sex, playful spanking, overstimulation, spitting), drinking / drinking games, drug use (weed edibles).
Preview:
Eyes wet with steaming, streaming tears, you let the bodies push you back.
Back to the elevator.
Back down to the lobby.
And back to the curb outside.
Wherehe looks up and finds your twisted, nauseated expression.
“Hey,” he says softly.
You didn’t see him when you stepped back onto the sidewalk. Even now, you only see him in parts.
Bent fingers clutch his hoodie’s drawstring, pulling left, then right. The denim of the jacket over it shifts slightly as he does. Full lips rest against each other lightly, an interrupted, absent-minded whistle reforming into more words.
What makes a good manager? Empathy? Organization? Know-how? Whatever mix of qualities, are they innate, or does it come from steadily and patiently rising through the ranks with your allies? Are good leaders born or made?
You don’t think you’ll ever be sure of what makes a good manager. But what you are definitely sure about is what makes a badmanager.
Bad managers are the type of people who, when given a choice, elect to have you come in for your office job all week for your usual 8 to 5, and wait until Friday afternoon to inform you that you have been let go, even though they got the call from leadership on Monday morning.
You grumble as you shift your cardboard box of belongings to your other arm in order to make the last leg of your journey, every single one of your pores emptying twenty-fold their volume into the fibers of your polyester blend. Couldn’t you have been sacked in the fall? On top of having an additional couple of months to figure your shit out, you wouldn’t be drenched.
It’s 7 by the time you’re stomping around the corner to your block. There’s a family-sized bag of pita chips, a pail of hummus, and an edible patiently waiting for you.
If only there weren’t so many people blocking the way to your door.
Crumpled ghosts of flyers float past you. Their sans-serif font and centered alignment. The drawing of an old-school boombox with music spilling out of it. The date. The goddamned time.
“Fuck,” you sigh, unable to hear even yourself under millennial R&B samples carrying Gen Z slang.
Shoulders slumping, you try to trudge through the crowd that doesn’t part, draining energy quickly by the time you make your sixth and seventh attempt, even using the sharp corners of your box to try to snowplow your way through the increasingly drunken bodies that won’t feel any pain until the morning.
Eyes wet with steaming, streaming tears, you let the bodies push you back.
Back to the elevator.
Back down to the lobby.
And back to the curb outside.
Wherehelooks up and finds your twisted, nauseated expression.
“Hey,” he says softly.
You didn’t see him when you stepped back onto the sidewalk. Even now, you only see him in parts.
Bent fingers clutch his hoodie’s drawstring, pulling left, then right. The denim of the jacket over it shifts slightly as he does. Full lips rest against each other lightly, an interrupted, absent-minded whistle reforming into more words.
“You dropped something.”
The Hulk bobblehead, given to you in celebration of getting this job in the first place, proves to be more lasting than your presence in the office.
When you see it in a puddle by your feet, your heart sinks a little.
And, ever-so-slightly, so does the box in your grip, as you jostle around to allow yourself to reach down and pick it up.
Before you can, though, bent fingers have let go of the drawstring and curl around The Hulk’s head instead. Green abs and purple shorts wiggle from its spring, despite what seems to be The Hulk’s unrelenting protest.
You look up at the owner of those bent fingers, form crouched in front of you, still only able to perceive him in parts. Four wrinkles at the bridge of his nose. An amused smirk.
“Ha ha!”
He studies The Hulk’s face, and his right brow falls into a slanted line in perfect mimicry.
“Raaawwrrr!”
The Hulk’s body wiggles violently as bent fingers shake him back and forth.
“HULK SMAAAASH!”
You don’t mean to smile.
His smile is about to meet you too, but his eyes start to take up more space, widening at the sight of slightly shiny lines on your cheeks, carving your skin out like flowing rivers cutting through sienna rock.
“Hey! It’s OK!”
A sleeve rises into view. It moves in quick, small motions, back and forth.
“Just gotta c-clean him up a little here and—”
The Hulk suddenly grows ten times in size, now dangling on its spring, right in front of your face.
“See?? N-no harm done!!”
You sniffle.
Bent fingers gently set The Hulk back into the box, in a gap between your empty, gray mesh pen cup and your prized, powder blue stapler.
You sniffle again.
You love stapling.
So final, so sure, that satisfying, crisp metal crunch!
You think you hear that crunch as this stranger’s bright eyes are putting it all together.
As are you, bits and pieces of this stranger now stitching together into a concerned but welcoming face, much too kind, and dangerously easy to open up to. Especially for someone in your state.
Your fingers dig into your cardboard box.
“Thanks,” you say, relieved that your voice sounds so steady.
He lifts his eyes from the powder blue stapler and watches as you lift your upper arm to your right cheek.
You dab your tears.
You frown at the sight of black streaks on your blouse.
And then you startle at the feel of denim against your left cheek.
You watch as this stranger takes a step back.
The fact that he doesn’t seem to notice or care about the black streaks on hissleeve makes you care less about the black streaks on yours.
You feel a little lighter. From what it looks like, about three wisps of Pat McGrath FetishEyes lighter.
“Sorry,” he says, “I just—”
“No, that was… that was nice of you,” you say, starting to become impressed at just how steady your voice is. “Thank you.”
He nods. “Can I help you with anything else?” He holds his hands out a little, wrists coming out of his sleeves. “Take that box for you?”
“I’m good,” you say.
He’s kind for softening his doubtful look, but his head tilt gives his thoughts away.
“Really,” you insist.
And you insist to yourself that you really don’t mean to smile. You’re surprised that you do.
He mirrors it, his eyes following his lips, which follow yours, copying perfectly the slightly sad pout that you’re too aware that you’re making, and that tells him that his head tilt is absolutely warranted.
“If you say so.”
Your smile fades a little as you look back down to the box, still in your grip, resting against your stomach.
You look back up and watch as he curiously peruses the box’s content.
“Whatis all this stuff?” he asks.
You look back over at the crowd now spilling out of your apartment building.
“Um…”
Your brain is moving too fast, keeping you from being able to expand on the complexity of the matter. The words settling in the back of your throat are reduced to grade school-level syntax that matches the grade school-level emotions that you’re trying to hold at bay.
This is all Desk Stuff.
Desk Stuff belongs on a Desk.
But you no longer have a Desk.
You no longer even have an Office.
Or a Job.
And all you seem to be able to do about it, at least, for right now, is cry.
“Just… stuff.”
How is your voice still so steady when your stomach and chest are churning and burning, flip-flopping positions in your body in an attempt to escape this disaster?
To escape you?
He seems to realize now. There’s even a hint of — ugh — pity in his eyes.
You want to explain that you’re stronger than this. It’s just that your Job, and your Office, and your Desk were so rare. Beautifully, wonderfully, hilariously rare. Just like your powder blue stapler is rare, and it’s even rarer to see it not at the ready under a mix of sunlight and fluorescent lighting but settled against hastily packed bits and bobs in a box open to the night air.
“You need to keep any of it?” he asks.
The realization feels weirdly cold in your chest. “No,” you say.
“Youwantto keep any of it?”
You shrug.
His head straightens suddenly.
“Not even The Hulk??”
He looks so excited.
You really, really don’t mean to smile. You’re surprised that you do. That you still can.
You even chuckle, softly, three tiny stops and starts of that steady, warm voice.
“Why?You want him?”
“Well, y-yeah — he’s The Hulk!!”
You hold the box out and up to him.
“Take him, then. Give him a nice home.”
Bent fingers wrap around The Hulk’s head. He lifts The Hulk out of the box and places it into the left chest pocket of his denim jacket, patting it caringly, for safekeeping.
The Hulk’s eyes peek out at you over the lip.
“Nowyou pick something,” he tells you.
You look up from The Hulk’s eyes and stare questioningly into the eyes of this alarmingly kind stranger.
“You wanna keep at least one thing, right?” he asks. He peeks back down into the box. “Anything important? Or, just, y’know.” He looks back at you. “Special?”
You think again of the satisfying crunch of metal.
And then you smile down at your powder blue stapler.
You hug the box against your chest with one arm and pull the stapler out with your free hand.
He smiles again, and claps his hands with glee.
The Hulk nods.
And, as you nod back, you catch a glimpse of the alleyway.
Your gaze settles on the too-bright blue paint sadly used for something as putrid as a dumpster.
Your feet take you there, and they, along with your calves, and thighs, and arms, and shoulders, and back, thank you immensely as you toss all the rest inside.
That box looks so small now, amongst everything else. The longer you stare at it, you can’t even really see it anymore, as it gets lost in so many things that also don’t matter.
With your arms free, you get the impulse to pull your phone from your back pocket. But you don’t want to see the flurry of messages that are probably waiting for you.
Instead, you turn and walk back to the curb, where he is still standing and watching you.
Your feet take you back to him, arm at your side, the stapler fold hanging off your finger, its handle and base taking turns swinging as you walk, powder blue grazing the side of your polyester-covered thigh.
You stand in front of him, feeling so much lighter.
“Uh, thanks,” you say. “Again.”
He smiles.
Now that the weight is off of your shoulders, you can take in more. The sound of street traffic buzzing around you. Honks, and music, and chatter.
The crowd around your apartment building has doubled if not tripled in size.
“Live here?” he asks.
You nod, and your shoulders sink. “But the block party completely slipped my mind.” You sigh and wonder how long it will take for the crowd to dissipate. “All I wanna do is eat some dinner, curl into bed, and forget today ever happened.”
“What’s stopping you?” he asks.
You furrow your brow and gesture to the drunken, obnoxious mass blocking your way in.
“Just gotta fight your way through a little, is all,” he says. “C’mon!”
Instead of complaining about having to do anything other than what you want to, you figure that following this guy, with his broad frame, tall stature, and friendly face, will help you work smart and not hard.
So you follow him.
He moves through the crowd with ease, swimming with the current, instead of fighting his way upstream.
He offers you protection from the worst hits. Errant slaps and elbows here and there as people reach for each other. A near-collision with a keg stand.
But people still cut in front of you. By the fourth or fifth instance, you wonder why this always happens when you’re in a crowd, or whether you can consider it a “cut” when you don’t even seem to register on people’s radar.
You watch as his head bobs along, nearly out of sight. And then, when he’s too far away, you start to feel the tide turning again, pulling you back out into the vast ocean.
You’re nearly all the way back by the lobby doors when his face pops out of the crowd.
“Hey!” he exclaims.
He throws his arm out, hand open, palm upturned. A life saver on a rope thick, straight, and strong.
You grab it.
You watch as his hand turns over and determinedly pulls you into him.
And you lock eyes briefly before he swirls you around and puts you in front of the crowd, daring you to meet it face-to-face.
He stands behind you but places his hands firmly on your shoulders.
You grip the stapler tight in your hand.
And then, with his guidance, you start to move through the crowd.
Part the crowd.
It’s much easier than you thought. But you knew that. You used to do this all the time, without even thinking. Shoulders back. Hair tossed just so. Beaming with all the wise, unthreatened confidence that years of a magical mix of expertise and bullshit have bestowed upon you.
They, and he, bring you right next to the elevators, and, thinking this is it, you go to punch the button.
But he steers you toward the stairs instead.
He leans down into you, pressing against your back, his lips brushing against your right ear.
“Let’s go this way.”
The music and chatter is so loud that even though you feel his chest straining, it sounds like a whisper.
You think about what’s waiting for you at home.
The chips. The hummus. The last three squares of your weed-infused chocolates. All designed to help you settle your mind and forget about this whole, wretched day.
Then again, maybe there are other ways to forget.
You shove your powder stapler into your pocket and nod, but it doesn’t matter. He’s already angling you toward the stairs, and chases your steps as you both climb.
You feel his hands slide down your shoulders, then arms, then into the crooks of your slightly folded elbows, your right hand still touting your stapler, your left hand not fully grasping but angled to feel along the railing so that you have something to hold onto if you trip over one of these people sitting on the steps.
He’s right by your side. Grabs hold of you to help keep you steady when someone suddenly moves to get up. When he lets you go at the top of the stairs, you’re almost sad the building has elevators at all.
“You know the Chans?” he asks.
You register the smell of egg rolls and dumplings and fries and cheese and sugar before you notice that the people who happen to be on this floor are too busy stuffing their faces to really talk. It’s quieter here. Thankfully.
“No,” you mumble, as he walks next to you, moving in lockstep down the hall and slightly to the right. “I don’t really know anybody else in the building.”
“Just moved in?”
“Been here three… wait… four?” You grimace. “Years?”
His eyebrows rise at the speed with which his own mother would race a cake over to every new neighbor on their street.
“I’ll introduce you!” he says, swinging around you and standing perpendicular to your path to let you know that this next, slightly ajar door will lead you to The Chans.
He knocks on the door.
It opens, suddenly, and fully, and a woman grins happily at the both of you before settling into his warm, eager gaze.
“Jungkook-ah,” she chides playfully, “I told you to come as soon as the party started! We’re already almost out of—”
He — or, well, Jungkook, apparently — rushes inside the apartment toward the kitchen, leaving you standing there in the hallway.
The woman turns to you, still carrying fondness in her eyes. “Hi!”
“Hi,” you say, as pleasantly as you can.
The woman takes in the sight of you, though she frowns when she looks down by your hip.
“Is… that… a stapler in your pocket?”
Your brain starts to move too fast again.
Desk. Office. Job.
But then she giggles.
“Or are you just happy to see me?”
Jungkook mumbles something resembling an introduction after you follow “Miff-iff Cham” through the busy, glowing living room and into the kitchen.
“Did you even think to get your friend a drink??” Mrs. Chan asks, reaching not for the plenty of plastic flatware but into the cupboards for a porcelain bowl.
Jungkook mumbles something else, a chomped egg roll raised to his lips, cheeks bulging out, and a bit of fried wrapper sticking out of the corner of his mouth.
“This boy,” Mrs. Chan laughs, shaking her head. “He devours everything in sight!” As she talks, she walks down the line of her counter, scooping up a bit of everything from her various pots and pans and plopping it into your bowl. “If we didn’t feed him real food, he’d eat garbage off the street! Like one of those fat pigeons!”
Jungkook protests, still unintelligible, but wounded, and passionate, given that flakes of egg roll wrapper fly out of his mouth.
“Please, Jungkook, you’re so sensitive! Have you seen you?” Mrs. Chan says with a roll of her eyes. “Although, if you keep inhaling these egg rolls…”
She softens at Jungkook’s worried expression.
“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to call you fat. I just meant— Ugh, what else eats tra— Like a raccoon, then. How’s that, huh? Jungkook-ah? My little fluffy, sneaky, grabby-hands raccoon?”
Mrs. Chan shoves the now-full bowl into your open hands and makes grabby-hands with her own, pinching his full cheeks, cooing more… weird?… but sweet, raccoon-based compliments at him, which makes him smile happily, and close his eyes at her caring touch.
You bring the bowl up to your face and breathe in the mouth-watering scent of all of this delicious, home-cooked, made-with-love morsels of amazing food.
Foroncetoday, someone has served you a pile of nothing but goodness.
You smile gratefully and take the chopsticks that Mrs. Chan gives to you. And then you take your place next to Jungkook, backs to the sink, both of you leaning back slightly as you eat.
“Now, I didn’t catch your name,” Mrs. Chan tells you, stirring a spoon into one of the pots.
As you finally say it, you can’t help but feel Jungkook paying you close attention — such close attention, mind you, that you swear he’s nearly pressing his smile onto your cheek.
“I’m sorry I haven’t introduced myself,” you go on, flashing a look at Jungkook before adding, “I’ve just been so busy…”
Desk. Office. Job.
The rest of the sentence that you were goingto say travels down your throat like the unchewed walnut that slipped by.
You cough. Clear your throat the best you can. And pick up what you can recover.
“…atwork.”
“Ah, well, whatever! I’m happy we get to meet now,” Mrs. Chan says lightly.
The air with which she says it. So ethereal. It makes you feel a little better.
“I’m Chan Jia,” she goes on, “and my husband Feng and I have lived here pretty much all our lives, and, uh, we really like to cook! Even when half the city isn’ton our doorstep.”
Your eyes hang wide. “You’re amazing at it,” you say, through cheeks fuller than Jungkook’s. “The walnut chicken in particular is, mmm, god, so good.”
Mrs. Chan beams with pride. “Glad you like it! And that you came so hungry.”
More people spill into the Chans’ living room, and Mrs. Chan reaches for some of the paper plates and plastic flatware.
“Get her something to drink, Jungkook-ah!”
He nods obediently and yells out an earnest, “Thank you!”
You scarf down the last bite in your bowl and start to calculate what seconds you want — definitely the walnut chicken, and maybe the lo mein — when Jungkook sticks a fresh egg roll in your face.
“C’mon!”
He stuffs the egg roll into your mouth and takes your empty bowl from your hands, setting it in the filling kitchen sink.
He takes your right wrist and tugs on it, leading you back out to the hall.
You bite down on the egg roll and catch the other half in your left hand, grumbling, “I wasn’t done!” as you desperately try to chew and get the delicious pork filling and perfect golden crackles down your gullet.
“Oh, sorry,” Jungkook says. “Seemed like you were.”
“Well!” You raise your left hand and bite into the second half. “I wasn’t!”
“Well, your bowl was empty, and you emptied it kinda fast, like, shockinglyfast, so I thought it was time for dessert—”
You polish off the egg roll as your feet plant themselves in place. “What is this? Who even areyou anyway??”
He smiles. “I’m Jungkook!”
“Yeah, caught that,” you say, narrowing your eyes. “Seriously, though! I don’t really know who you—”
Someone splits the two of you, excited to bring one of two waffle ice cream cones to someone downstairs.
“—w-who you are, or if you even live here,” you continue, watching as they round the corner, jogging down the steps with what looks like pistachio ice cream in one hand and some kind of chocolate in the other.
You turn back to Jungkook.
“And all these people? I don’t know who theyare, and I just really—”
“But now you know Mrs. Chan,” Jungkook says, “and I guess by extension you kinda know Mr. Chan. There was a photo of him on the left wall by the—”
A group of young girls giggle as they exit one of the other apartments on this floor, each of them carrying baskets of freshly baked cookies.
Jungkook playfully yoink!s a couple from the last girl’s basket, and she teasingly slaps Jungkook’s arm as he feigns pain.
They laugh at each other, and then, he wiggles his eyebrows and nods upward.
“Oppa!” she whines.
He brings his shoulders up to his earlobes and wiggles his eyebrows even harder.
She rolls her eyes and hands him two more cookies, and she scurries to rejoin her group.
You glare at him.
He blinks at you. Pushes out his lips.
“So…”
He holds out his arm.
“Is it time for dessert?”
You frown.
He wiggles the cookie around.
“Huuuuuh?”
Begrudgingly, you snatch the cookie that he’s offering.
Chocolate chip with toffee chunks and gooey caramel in the center.
It’s goddamn incredible.
“Iseveryoneon this floor a chef?!” you exclaim in surprise, crumbs flinging from your lips.
Jungkook looks up at the ceiling again as he counts. His unfolding pinky denotes The Chans in 2A, duh. His ring finger counts the Jeups and their three lovely daughters in 2D. His middle finger stands for the Gal brothers and their new ice cream machine, or, well, oldice cream machine, since their shop got the new one—
“Kinda, actually,” Jungkook answers, looking back at you, still counting the others in his head while holding the three other cookies between his thumb and index finger. “Although I guess the Jeups and the Gals are more… bakers? But I don’t think you say that for ice cream.”
He plumps his bottom lip, chin wrinkling.
“What do you call someone who makes ice cream for a living?”
You roll your eyes as you polish off your cookie.
“Hey, I thought we were doing it?” he asks. “Shoot. Maybe I’m doing it wrong?”
“Doingwhat?”
“What you wanted to do.”
Toffee and chocolate are swirling together heavenly in your mouth, but you keep glaring at him. You layer more fire into it. Frown harder. Scowl meaner. If you look angry enough, maybe he’ll give you a second cookie out of fear, and you don’t have to admit how boggled you are.
“You said that all you wanted to do was eat some dinner, curl into bed, and forget,” Jungkook recalls. “So we’re taking care of the eating part.”
You pull back a little on the glare.
“I would’ve appreciated getting to eat more of that walnut chicken.”
Jungkook’s eyes and grin thin out.
“We can go back. Or…?”
He holds out another cookie to you.
Which you slowly take.
And in return, you let go of the glower.
You turn the cookie over in your hands. Raise it to your lips.
Jungkook nods encouragingly.
You take a bite.
Peanut butter. With little chocolate candies. That are also filled with peanut butter.
Your pesky smile makes another reappearance.
“Now,” Jungkook says triumphantly, biting into two cookies at once and recalling, “Mrs. Chan said,” as he gets those cookies down to half-size with his huge bites, “god this is fucking good,” smacking as he talks, “to get you a drink. So c’mon!”
He holds out his hand again. Devoid of any cookies.
You take it anyway.
And he leads you to the elevator.
“Can I get a copy of the itinerary?” you ask, puzzled by all your traipsing.
Jungkook drums on the elevator doors with his knuckles before giving the right one a slap and pushing the call button. “It’s just block party physics,” he explains. “You saw all those kegs and coolers when you came in, right?”
You nod.
“Gotta keep beer on the ground floor. Nice way to say hi to people. And nobody wants to lug all that shit up all these floors. But people are doing stuff in their apartments, too. More drinks, and food, and games.”
You take a second to take Jungkook in from toe to head. White, worn sneakers, with blue details. Baggy pants. Thin, white hoodie. Denim jacket. Fluffed hair, crinkled and thin eyes, wrinkled nose, and an easy, big smile. Like he’s just hanging out at home.
“Party physics,” you repeat.
The elevator doors open, and you both step in, Jungkook leaning against the railing in the back, and you facing him with a smirk.
“Of which you just happen to be a scholar?”
Jungkook grins. “That, and, uh…”
He gestures to one of the flyers on the elevator bulletin board behind you. It’s not as crumpled as the ones that blew by you earlier. But it is drooping, the tape holding up its top two corners having lost its stickiness over the past few weeks.
You smooth the paper out.
And then you reach into your pocket.
For your powder blue stapler.
You staple each corner into the cork, and you see what Jungkook is talking about. Below the boombox drawing and general details is a whole spreadsheet of details. A murder mystery party on floor twelve. A dance party on floor seven. Karaoke on floor six. Movies on floor eight.
Nothing on floor nine. You’re one of just a few people who live there. That floor doesn’t get great light, or a great view, facing the north, ignored side of the block. But that doesn’t matter to you. You like it quiet. That’s why you’re all there.
For some reason, you feel a little sick at the thought of riding up to floor nine.
So you’re grateful that you stop, for now, on floor five.
It boasts a crowd just a tad smaller than the one on the first floor, but the energy seems easier. Lively, but less brash.
When Jungkook sees your relieved smile, he takes it as a sign that he’s doing somethingright.
“Where should we start?” he asks, looking around at all the open doors. As you re-holster your stapler, his head darts left and right, checking your reaction with each option he presents.
“Board games! Ooh, OK, ‘ya seem to like that. We’ll put that on the list. We could also check out that poker game, which we passed back there. And there’s—”
You pull Jungkook’s arm toward you with such force that his nose bumps into your cheek. You laugh together, your eyes shining a bit brighter.
“That.”
You point.
“I wanna do that.”
Given your professional, cool-toned business separates; your seemingly strategic nature; your, quite frankly, super uptight vibe; and the way your eyes initially widened at the proposal to join the board game room, Jungkook wouldn’t have pegged you as someone who had even a passing interest in drinking games. Especiallyflip cup.
Yet, here you are, standing on top of Kim Yugyeom’s mother’s old kitchen table, the front of your blouse stained with sangria, and both of your hands victoriously pumping two empty, crushed plastic cups into the air.
Funny how the thing that always kept you from playing flip cup was the beer.
And you were extraordinary. How you downed each drink. How, like your voice has been so far this evening, you were able to stay so composed. How that gave you such an advantage with each flip. How everyone in the room cheered you on, shocked by how you hadn’t stuttered on a single cup. How Jungkook almost caught up, but you were able to rally and down two more full cups of sangria than you probably should have.
“Howwwww have I not plaaaaayedthisgaaaaame before?!” you ask, delirious from your winner’s rush. And maybe the sangria.
“You haven’t?!” a laughing Yugyeom adds, as he helps you down from his table. “Would’ve thought you were a pro!”
A little unsteady on your feet, and happily so, you lean into him, melting at his strong form and touch before pouring into one of the chairs nearby.
“Alright there, champ?” Yugyeom chuckles.
He watches you wiggle happily in your seat, one strong wiggle forcing you to lean a bit too much to the right.
“Haha, fuck, let me get you some damn water!”
Jungkook lands in the chair next to you, propping you up and giggling at your blissful humming.
Your eyes meet his. “Oh, what’s this?” You raise your left hand up. “Hmm?” Your palm grazes the tip of his nose, and your eyes widen with excitement, as his widen to try to find out what’s wrong with your hand.
“Oh!” you smile.
Equally thrilled and perplexed, Jungkook moves to give you a high five?
But you dodge him with a grin.
“Uh-oh!”
Your wrist goes slack. Delighted, you do an arm wave, letting it flow through up to your shoulders, through to your trunk, and onwards to your other arm, which flows up and around from your side and around, down your opposite shoulder and through your forearm, fingers gathering to a point and tipping back Jungkook’s open forehead.
Jungkook lets out a spirited laugh that perks up your spine.
As you watch with interest, he furrows his brow and opens his mouth in fake offense. His head bobs forward, and he lets the wave travel throughout his entire body, each muscle isolation smoothing into the next.
He gets up and starts to dance, suddenly going rigid as he starts to pop and lock, hips moving with more precision than you would have anticipated, his baggy clothes suddenly looking sharp, his body halving, and The Hulk slipping out a little, bobbling along with him.
Yugyeom rejoins you, and him, cheering and catching the wave in his chest from Jungkook’s lightning rod of a hand and letting it travel through his black hoodie-covered torso, down to his legs, the frayed rips of his light blue jeans swaying as his muscles take turns relaxing and constricting, traveling back up to his other arm, and down to the hand that is holding two water bottles: one for Jungkook, and one for you.
You giggle and shiver as Yugyeom places the cold plastic against your neck, fingers grazing his as you take over the grip of the bottle.
This is… nice.
“What else can we play??” you ask brightly, letting the bottle linger for a moment before lifting it, and unscrewing the cap. “What other games are there?”
“Should probably slow down on the drinking ones,” Jungkook rightfully decides, as you start to slump again.
He takes a step back to you, and your left cheek rests on his right hip.
Feeling so comfortable, you close your eyes for a moment, missing Yugyeom’s intrigued smirk, and Jungkook’s helpless nose scrunch.
“Leaving so soon?” Yugyeom asks, tossing him the other bottle.
Jungkook looks down and notes your hazy, unfocused eyes, as well as your clumsy fingers still working at the water bottle cap.
“After this water break.”
“Well, swing by again later,” Yugyeom tells you, as your eyes flutter open. “I need to avenge my humiliated friend here. Or get the chance to, at least.”
Jungkook pouts. “Humiliated?”
“Only Jungkook can save himself,” you say, much too haughty for someone who has taken about thirty whole seconds to open a water bottle, “but depending on how tonight goes, I might take you on as another trophy. I mean victim. I mean opponent.”
Yugyeom shakes his head at your self-assuredness, looking over at Jungkook to see if he’s clocking this, and finding he’s only chuckling as you close your eyes and eagerly drink.
“Where’d you find her?” Yugyeom asks, as Jungkook looks back at him.
“Obviously by the dumpsters, given all the trash talk,” Jungkook jokes.
You choke on your water and laugh, the back of your hand rising to your lips as you open your eyes again and catch your breath.
“No, really,” Yugyeom goes on, smiling at you and shoving his hands into his back pockets, chest puffing out with a relaxing breath. “You live on the block?”
You point up at the ceiling. “Ninth floor.”
“Thehermitfloor?” Yugyeom asks, surprised.
You left your left shoulder from Jungkook’s hip and tilt your head toward it. “I crawled out of my cave today. And saw Jungkook on the curb.”
Yugyeom looks over at Jungkook again, who just smiles.
He meets Jungkook’s smile with a pleased chuckle.
“I mean it. Come back later. I still wanna hang.” He narrows his eyes at you and wiggles his eyebrows. “I want a go with the resident flip cup champ.”
You wink at him as you bring the water bottle back to your lips.
Before Yugyeom takes his leave, he reaches out his hand, slightly dampened from the condensation on those ice-cold water bottles, to Jungkook. Their right hands clasp together, and they bring their right shoulders forward to one another, chests bumping together tightly.
Yugyeom slaps Jungkook’s back.
He mumbles something.
Jungkook scoffs with a grin.
And then they part, Yugyeom flashing you another smile before he heads back toward his kitchen table.
Jungkook crouches down and wipes his hand on his thigh. You watch his fingers spreading across. His palm rubbing down toward his knee, and then back up again.
“Oh my god,” he says.
You straighten and snap your eyes to his, feeling caught. “What??”
“I think you’re…”
Jungkook shoots you an open-mouthed, told-you-so smile.
“…havingfun??”
“Absolutely not,” you say, trying your best to sneer.
“You’re smiling!” Jungkook taps his finger on your cheek.
You swat his hand away, giggling and thinking fondly of him teasing those three girls with the cookies. You haven’t really stopped smiling since.
“You’relaaaugh-iiiiing!”
You roll your eyes. “So what if I am?”
Jungkook watches as you screw the water bottle’s cap back on and set it down, next to the right leg of your chair.
“Are you?” he asks gently. “H-having fun?”
He wants you.
To have fun, that is.
He wants you to have fun because you so clearly hadn’t earlier that day. He’s good at fun. At least, he’s always thought he is. In much the same way that Mrs. Chan is good at walnut chicken, and the Jeups are good at cookies, and the Gal brothers are good at ice cream.
He’s always thought that he’s been good at fun. Things have gotten a little busier, as life does. He hasn’t talked to as many people in a while. He definitely hasn’t gotten to swing by Yugyeom’s nearly as often, and he’s missed his check-ins with Yugyeom’s wonderful neighbors. While standing out there on the curb, peering up at your building, he wondered if he’d changed.
But, if you’re having fun, given the day that you’ve had, then that means he hasn’t.
He’s still good at fun.
Maybe if you knew this was kind of about him, it wouldn’t feel so strange for someone to want you to have fun when just a couple of hours ago, the bubble of your perfectly pleasant life burst at the discovery that people who celebrated your birthday, who clinked drinks with you at happy hour, who left you funny sticky notes on your desk, who shared the load when work got overwhelming — people who were supposedly invested in you — didn’t actuallycare all that much.
Do you even deserve it? Fun? When you are so easily discarded?
Jungkook clearly deserves it. He’s only just met you, by some dumpsters no less, and he’s still, inexplicably, trying so hard.
You feel your heavy heart pulling you under.
But then, you catch sight of The Hulk tucked into Jungkook’s pocket.
“I am.” You grin. “I am having a lot of fun.”
He brightens. Sits a little taller.
“Good!” His eyes close nearly all the way, and his two front teeth bunch up his lips. “I knew you were.”
He jumps to his feet. “Feeling up to more games? Maybe those board games?”
The sangria is starting to catch you, mixing with the swirl of emotions bogging down your heavy, heavy heart. You need to do something to let it out.
“Which floor had the karaoke?” you ask. “Six?”
“Quit hogging the mic!”
You spin around and scream the next lyrics at this surly, thin-lipped man, mashing whatever he can into a lour look of extreme disapproval.
The next part of this song is iconic, and masterful. You know each of the vocal parts in the lush swell of the breakdown, but this occasion calls for the throughline, the main melody, to drive the point home.
You put a resonant sting on the syncopated quarter notes that carry into the next measure, tapping your toes on each eighth-note of this manifesto.
“NEH!!! VER GONNA GET IT NEVER GONNA GET IT!”
Exaggerating even more, you pull your lips into a mocking pout, and you descend down the harmonic scale.
“NEHHHH-VER GONNA GET IT—”
Brazen, and drawing a bit of power from the room clapping and laughing around you, you grab the handle of your stapler, aim it at Thin Lips’ cleft chin, and clap the hammer against the anvil on each note.
“WOO-WOO-WOO-WOOOOOOO!!!!”
“THE FUCK—”
“Shik.”
You aren’t sure when Jungkook got up from his seat on the Hans-in-6F’s couch, but now, he’s next to you, arms folded, chest slightly bouncing from holding in his laughter.
Thin-lipped Shik glares at him, and you start circling around Jungkook instead, singing the second half of the breakdown a little softer, but swaying your stapler in the air.
Jungkook’s eyes, which have been following you this whole time, spread out to the rest of the room, everyone chanting and clapping along. “We’re all having a good time.”
“She’s sung like a hundred songs!” Shik protests. “I want a turn!”
At the whiff of vodka that follows, Jungkook negotiates, “One more song, alright?”
He speaks kindly, with the kind of smile that people born with goodness and light at their core can share. But he puffs himself up when he says it. He unfolds his arms, and his chest inflates. He flexes his right hand. Just in case.
Shik sighs. “Fine. But make it something pleasant. She’s been screamingfor the past hour.”
He takes Jungkook’s seat on the couch, seemingly discontent unless he’s taking things from other people.
But it’s fine. The energy is dissipating anyway, En Vogue starting to decrescendo and queue up your next show-stopping performance.
“Hey.” Jungkook’s unflexed right hand lands softly on your shoulder. “Diva.”
You turn and smile at him.
“Wanna do one last song?”
Panting, and jamming your stapler back into your pocket, you slow your dancing feet to a mere sway, pouring your weight to the left, then to the right.
“OK,” you say, mind starting to wander, “but let me pick something different.” Your eyes widen a bit. “Would you wanna sing something with me?”
Jungkook beams. “Yeah!”
As you scroll through your private YouTube playlist of karaoke faves, he stands a little closer. Looks over your shoulder with curiosity. Giggles softly when your thumb tugs at ones that he likes, too.
He smells good.
“Ooh!”
You startle back at his sudden exclamation and bump into his chest.
And he just lets you.
“You, uh, know this one ?” you ask, thumb hovering over a picture of two silhouettes.
“I love that one.”
“Me too.”
A shared glance between you tells you how much.
Jungkook hums. “Then start us off.”
Growing up, you’d wished that the karaoke industry would work faster. Churn out more microchips that held more than just the 70s and 80s ballads that your family sang in the same rotation at every holiday, birthday, christening, graduation, wedding, hell, every Saturday morning, while you each took charge of scrubbing a different part of the house…
Nowadays, karaoke versions of songs aren’t hard to find. Literally every song is essentially at your fingertips. But with every song at your fingertips, it’s becoming harder and harder to find people who know what you know. Like what you like.
As Jungkook reaches for the other mic, still charging on its base, you play the instrumental.
And you raise your mic to your mouth.
“I keep so much of me hidden. Can’t lie. No, I’ve got this pain inside. Most times I never admit it. But with you, no, I don’t want to hide.”
Jungkook bites his lip as you sing. You aren’t the most gymnastic singer, but you have such a pleasant voice. And he’s not the only one who thinks so. A hush has fallen over the entire room, and even Shik is captivated by the way you’ve softened the air around you.
“What’s there all the time. And weighs on my mind. My friends say they listen. But honestly, I don’t think that they get me like you do. You don’t have to try. I come unfolded with the things I hold inside. I have never told no one but you.”
How long have you been singing? Has it been an hour? Two?
Maybe people don’t tire of you as easily as you thought.
Your heart feels a little lighter.
And you let Jungkook fill the space that remains.
“When I’m with you, I feel different.”
In just one line, you discover that if Jungkook’s voice were a drink, it would be a toasted marshmallow mocha. If Jungkook’s voice were a feeling, it would be your bare legs meeting the backseat of the car on a tempered summer day. If Jungkook’s voice were a hand, it would cup your cheek and hold your face up to make sure you didn’t miss the sight of a falling star.
“Like I can’t just be your warmness, oh baby…”
His vocal runs are hurdles and sprints and marathons in equal turns, voice strong and whole as he dips in and out of notes and syllables, playing with time, and tickling your lighter, and lighter, and even lighter, heart.
“I’ve been through some tough things in my life. And it’s so easy to tell you.”
You believe him.
You believe him so strongly that you almost miss your cue to join him again at the chorus, singing an octave apart, matching him note for note, voice bending and gliding a little easier. Freer.
But then everything juststops.
The music. Your voices. The energy.
It all comes to a halt.
Other voices start to overlap. Curses, and concern.
A small circle of bright, invasive light appears. And then another. And another.
They catch people in slices.
Frowns. Fists.
Eyes. No two sets meeting.
Except, somehow, yours and Jungkook’s.
“Everyone OK?” someone asks, as more and more tiny spotlights rove around the room.
“Apparently it’s the whole building!”
“The whole block?”
“Look out the window!”
“Yeah, it’s the whole city!”
Whines start to fill the room. Then groans. Then yells.
“Fuck,” you hear Jungkook whisper, “people are gonna lose it pretty quickly.”
You feel a hand grab yours and yank you toward them.
“It’s me.”
But you knew that.
And now you know that the center of his body, the notch where his pecs and the top of his abs meet and surrender to one another, seems to be a perfect spot for your hand to rest. And your hand resting there makes up for all the blows that your feet and shins and hips take as you fight your way through the distressed crowd.
“Door.”
You don’t see or feel it. Jungkook’s already holding it open for you, leading you through by jutting out his chest and letting you know where he is, which is right there, still curved around your hand.
His hand leaves yours and slides down your side, circling around your back, incidentally following the line of the band of your bra. His forearm pins you to him, and you feel your body bending with his as he shuffles you through to the hall. His chin rests on the top of your head, and your temple cushions against his collarbone.
Baby powder.
Bodes beat against your back, and you take in a sharp breath, your fingers balling into fists. One hand is still safely settled into that notch below Jungkook’s chest. Your other arm is pressed to your side, hugged by Jungkook’s armpit, your hand swinging down and closing around—
“Wait, shit, I’m still holding the mic?”
“It’s OK,” he tells you. “Everything’s OK.”
But something catches his attention.
“Deji?!”
You feel Jungkook’s chest tighten around your fist.
“Deji!!”
“Mr. Jeup?” Jungkook calls out, hoping his voice can meet hers despite the building wails.
“Jungkook-ah?”
“Yes, it’s Jungkook!”
The collective spotlights help Jungkook and Mr. Jeup find each other across the hall, and Jungkook leads him, and you, to a spot close to the staircase railing.
Mr. Jeup has soaked through the collar of his shirt.
“I can’t find Deji,” he says breathlessly. “I’d already been looking for her for a couple of hours, but she got separated from her unnies—” He clicks his teeth. “Always trailing behind.”
You think of the sweet girl slapping Jungkook’s hand away from her basket of cookies.
“We’ll find her.”
From what you can tell, Jungkook’s voice is enough to reassure Mr. Jeup, as the slices of him that you get look more and more relieved.
“Go home and check in with Mrs. Jeup and the girls,” Jungkook tells him. “My friend and I will go up floor by floor. I’ll text you the moment I see her.”
Mr. Jeup shakes his head. “We should’ve just gotten her a phone. Like she wanted.”
“She won’t be far. She knows your rules.” A slice of light catches Jungkook’s smile, as fond as when he had exchanged those cute giggles with her earlier. “And, though it might not seem like it, she always follows them.”
Mr. Jeup nods. “Thanks, Jungkook. Let me know.”
Shades of Mr. Jeup make their way along the railing, following it carefully as he makes his way back downstairs.
“I’ll formally introduce you another time,” he says apologetically.
Jungkook can’t be so hospitable, or demented, to be thinking about a formal introduction in this fraught situation.
But then you think of how he and Deji teased each other. Their familiar, funny way. How she gave him four cookies as a treat.
Or a payment.
A placid smile spreads across your face. “You know where she is, don’t you?”
Jungkook chuckles.
“C’mon.”
“When will it come back on??”
“We wanna watch!”
“It was just about to get to the good part!”
“Give it a few more minutes,” a voice, more mature than the others, calls out. “Give the backup generators a little bit of time to kick in.”
“They’re not going to,” another older voice says in response. “It’s been too long. I’m betting they’re down as well.”
“Stop it!” the first hisses. “You’ll scare them!”
As predicted, the younger voices start to clamor.
“What??”
“So when will the power come back on?”
“I’m getting hot!”
“Me too! I’m starting to sweat!”
“Eeeewww!”
“Helloooooo!”
Jungkook calls brightly from the hallway through the opening door, slowly revealing a group of kids in the living room, and a couple on the couch, outlined against a soft half-sphere of candlelight.
“Yon! Yeo!”
“Jungkookie!”
The woman on the left jumps up from the couch, and the woman on the right just nods.
You sigh softly when, in the center back of the group of kids, all of them lying on top of each other, having kicked off their blankets and facing a blank, white bed sheet hanging on a cleared clothing rack, you see Deji, sitting with her legs criss-crossed.
And next to a boy.
Jungkook lets go of your hand, but not without glancing at you to make sure it’s OK to.
You smile and nod, lingering in the doorway and watching him tiptoe in the gaps between squishy, teeny arms and legs to crouch down next to Deji, and this boy.
Deji gives Jungkook a high five, and you smirk to yourself as he pulls his phone out from his back pocket, sighing with relief as he starts to type.
The woman who waved gets up and walks over to you, leaning on a bookshelf by the door and folding her arms.
“I’m Yon,” she replies. “And that’s Yeo.”
She jerks her thumb behind her.
Staring straight ahead, Yeo takes another sip of wine.
You introduce yourself and say, “Did you set this up for the kids?”
Yon nods. “Toy Story 3. We were almost at the incinerator scene.”
Your eyes pop open, and you look over to the kid who cheered about the scene earlier.
“That was the good part??”
Yon cackles and says, “Seojun over there has a dark sense of humor.”
The other kids have successfully been distracted, settling into other lively conversations, giggling and playing games with each other, and with Jungkook.
But Seojun quietly breaks free from the group and makes her way to the couch. She plops down next to Yeo, the two of them chatting quietly.
Yon watches them affectionately. “So does Yeo. Kindred spirits, those two.”
They look so serious. But there are moments. Eyebrow flickers. Chuckles. And, throughout, a warm smile of recognition of something deeper. A somewhat somber but understanding of the world around them.
Seojun pauses. Stumbles. Gets whatever she wants to say out. Yeo seems to ponder it, and then says something back. Then, Seojun and Yeo look away from each other, and Yeo strokes her hair once as Seojun hides a smile.
You didn’t realize how many kids lived in the building. But you’re usually out before they’re up, and back in long after they’re asleep.
“Kind of you to host something kid-friendly.”
“To be honest, these have kind of been little test runs.”
Yon’s voice is cautious and small, but happy.
“We want to adopt,” she admits.
Her eyes are pillowy soft as they scan over those tiny, laughing faces.
“The kids around here are so sweet. Good families. Good parents. They don’t judge. And they’ve given us so many smiles. It’d be nice to share our lives like this all the time. Especially with a little one who really needs it.”
You can feel how momentous Yon’s heart must be. Her words surround you. Inflate you. Lift you up.
“Well,” you sigh, impressed, and a little sheepish, at her outpouring of love, “the little ones who get to join your family are quite lucky.”
Yon lets out a deep, encouraged sigh. “Thanks for that. Nice to hear something positive, y’know? It’s been… hard.”
You regretfully agree.
“Anyway,” Yon replies, “how do you know Jungkook? Are you friends with Yugyeom, too? That’s how we met him.”
“I, um—”
Desk.
Office.
Job.
“Well, I just met him today.” You blink. You can’t believe you just met him today.
Yon smiles, recognizing your dazed look.
“He makes quite an impression, doesn’t he?”
Your eyes land on him as he grins and throws up a peace sign while taking a picture with Deji, and laughing with the boy, who is starting to take interest in The Hulk bobblehead in Jungkook’s pocket.
“I’ve known him since he was a skinny teen,” Yon reflects. “His parents used to own this building, but they sold the property when they retired. He’s still here all the time, though.”
She smiles.
“It’s been a little while since we’ve gotten to see him. But it’s always so nice when we do. He just makes things… better.”
Jungkook notes the boy’s gaze, and his bent fingers reach into that pocket to pull The Hulk’s head out, flashing The Hulk’s cute little grimace, to Deji and the boy’s delight.
But when the boy reaches out for it, Jungkook frowns and leans back, not letting the boy take The Hulk out of his pocket completely, choosing instead to close the flap of his pocket over The Hulk’s black eyes, tapping the pocket in thanks for safekeeping.
You giggle.
Maybe that’s the secret to Jungkook.
To all of this.
Being a kid at heart.
Yes, things have been hard.
Thingsarehard.
But they haven’t been hard just today. And not just for you. Or Yon and Yeo. Or Shik. Or Mr. Jeup. Or any of the people in your building, on your block, in this city.
Everyone is shuffling around, lost in the dark.
But it isn’t your fault.
It isn’t anyone’sfault.
Maybe that’s just how it is sometimes.
Maybe that’s how it is all the time.
There’s always more that you could do to fight against the darkness. To make things better.
But maybe there’s also more time for selcas, and singing, and sangria.
Fun, kind things that you could do with others. And for yourself.
Maybe that’s the way to start.
Yon’s face suddenly pulls together tightly. And you follow her gaze to your hip.
“Why do you have a stapler in your pocket?”
“Hey!” Jungkook exclaims, popping up beside you and patting Yon’s back.
“Hey,” Yon says warmly, leaning in for a hug. “We were just getting to know each other.” She smirks. “Just as it seems the two of youare.”
Jungkook grins at you. “The two of us have been having fun.”
You smile.
“Oooh,funnnn,” Yon says, her voice waving up and down as the word trails from her lips.
She smirks at Jungkook.
“Then don’t worry about Deji. She’s just fine.”
And she is. Deji and the boy are in their own little bubble, voices hushed, bodies crouched and facing each other, smiles mirroring.
“Tell Mr. Jeup that I can walk her down if he wants,” Yon says.
“You can’t stay mad at me forever Y/N,” Jungkook sighed as he continued to follow you around.
Your head shook back to Jungkook as you walked into the bedroom, hearing footsteps following behind you. You had lost count of how many times you had listened to him apologise, desperate to try and fix things after accidentally making a big hole for himself earlier in the day.
Just as you went to close the door behind you, Jungkook slid in through the door to join you in the room. “Jungkook, go away,” you tried to tell him, but his head shook, refusing to leave you alone without you at least hearing him out on things.
“Just give me two minutes,” he requested, watching you step back as soon as he stepped forward towards you. “I just need you to let me explain to you how sorry I am.”
Your head nodded, but before you listened to Jungkook, you excused yourself to the toilet for a couple of minutes. Jungkook sat down on the bed as you went into the bathroom, making sure to close the door behind you before opening up the cupboard door.
You looked past your toiletries that were on the shelf, reaching all the way to the back where your stick of lip balm was. As soon as you reached for it, your smile grew, walking across to the mirror with it as you took the lid off, making sure to apply a thick layer of balm to your lisp before returning to the bedroom, with the balm in your pocket.
“Can I talk now?” Jungkook asked you as soon as you appeared, patting the space beside him on the bed for you to sit down on. You kept your distance from Jungkook as he cleared his throat, glancing across at you. “You know how sorry I am, don’t you?”
“I don’t get why you had to be so mean to me Jungkook, it was so uncalled for.”
His head nodded in agreement with you, “I just wasn’t thinking, I took my frustrations out on you and that wasn’t fair. All you were trying to do was help me, and I threw it back in your face and made you feel like rubbish at the same time too.”
You continued to sit and listen as Jungkook explained himself, nodding your head as you paid close attention to him. If you were honest, you weren’t mad about him any longer, but you were enjoying listening to him grovel back across to you.
As soon as his two minutes were up, Jungkook stopped speaking, anxiously looking across to you. As the corners of your mouth turned up, he got a little bit more hopeful, edging slightly closer towards you, hoping that you had forgiven him.
He was still a little apprehensive as he stared across to meet your eyes. “Can we move on from this?” Jungkook asked you, finally allowing himself to relax when your head nodded in reply to him, wanting to do exactly the same.
“Why don’t you let me do something to prove to you how much I’ve forgiven you?” You offered, “why don’t I give you a kiss to let you know that all is forgotten?”
“A kiss? Well, I would definitely not say no to that.”
You shuffled yourself a little bit closer to Jungkook, “I hate when we argue like this, I wish that it would never happen between us.”
Just as Jungkook nodded in agreement, you leant forwards and pressed a kiss to his lips. Your smile was wide as you kissed Jungkook, quickly feeling his hands grab your shoulders and push you back, wiping his mouth with his hand.
“What the hell is that on your lips? Is this some sort of wind-up right now?”
Your laughter was loud as you watched Jungkook scrub at his mouth, desperate to get the taste of the balm away as soon as he possibly could. His eyes glared at you as you watched on, shaking your head at how dramatic he was.
“Do you not like it?” You teased, “it’s a new balm that I bought not too long ago. Take a look at it, you never know, you might be able to get used to it.”
As you brought the balm from your pocket, Jungkook took it from you and began to read through the label. His eyes narrowed as he read over what taste the balm was, noticing a picture of lemons on the very end of the wrapper too.
He threw the balm across the room as you continued to chuckle, grabbing your shoulders again and pinning you down on the bed. His expression was a picture as you stared up at Jungkook, knowing that you had drawn yourself level with him.
“What’s wrong? Is the balm not your cup of tea,” you innocently smiled, pretending to be clueless as to why Jungkook looked so disgruntled.
“You are one evil woman; do you know that?”
“I’m just getting a little bit of revenge,” you chimed, knowing that Jungkook couldn’t argue with you. “Just reminding you of how horrible I can be if you want to be horrible to me. I happen to quite like the taste of the lip balm anyway.”
“If I ever see you wearing that again then I might just disown you,” Jungkook promised you, “I’ve never tasted anything as gross in my entire life Y/N.”
His reaction had your sides hurting, you knew that Jungkook wouldn’t like it, but even he had managed to surprise you by just how much he disliked it, still liking his lips as the taste haunted him on the tip of his bottom lip.
“Will you be as mean to me next time?” You asked Jungkook, “or will you be nice now?”
His head shook at the smug smile that was on your face, “I’ll be nice, if it means that I won’t have to taste that stupid lip balm again. Where did you even get that from? I mean who decides to make lemon flavoured lip balm?”
“I’ve kept it well hidden, knowing that it would come in handy one day,” you informed him, “and it definitely did.”
His eyes rolled at how well you had managed to get back at him. “So, this is why you stropped off to the bedroom too? You didn’t need the toilet, did you? You just went into the bathroom to get your weapon of choice.”
Your head nodded as everything began to fall together for Jungkook, disappointed in himself more than anything else that he hadn’t noticed that you were up to something, too focused on trying to put things right and apologise to you.
“If I ever see that lip balm again, I’ll scream,” Jungkook assured you.
“It doesn’t even taste that bad.”
His eyes widened as you spoke, “I like most things Y/N, but that was absolutely grim. How are you laying there so comfortably knowing that you’ve got lemon lip balm on your lips? How are you not grossed out?”
Your shoulders shrugged in reply to him, “I think it tastes pretty sweet, mainly because it reminded you that I’m not someone to be messed with. Your face definitely made putting on lemon lip balm a worthwhile experience.”
“I’ve really got to be on my toes around you, what else have you got up your sleeve?” Jungkook enquired.
Your head snapped around as yet another slam of a table tennis racquet against the table made you jump, spinning around as Taehyung bounced around on one side of the table, with Jin confidently smirking at the other end of the table, managing to pick up yet another point despite Taehyung’s best efforts.
“I give up,” Taehyung huffed, placing his racquet down and stepping back from the table, “I swear you’ve got some sort of cheat up your sleeve that none of us know about.”
“What are you idiots up to?” You shouted across from where you sat down on the field, “are you guys really getting this competitive over a game of table tennis out of everything?”
“We’re not as your boyfriend is Y/N!”
The eyes of the figure beside you quickly widened, “hey, don’t bring me into this, I’m innocent.”
Your hand pushed against Jungkook’s arm gently as the boys quickly told you how he had been acting throughout the holiday when you hadn’t been looking. You knew exactly how competitive Jungkook could be, having been on the receiving end of many games that you played.
Instead of join in this game though, Jungkook was busy tickling the tummy of Bam who sat between the two of you. “If you wait until after dinner, I’ll give you another game Jin and beat your ass.”
“You wish that you could beat me.”
Your head shook as yet another back and forth between the two boys. Both were adamant that they could win given the chance, deciding that after dinner they would have the ultimate match to decide who really was the best at table tennis.
“Don’t go crying to Y/N when I beat you, she won’t be able to help you, Kook.”
“He’s not going to win,” Jungkook whispered into your ear as Jin walked away from you both, “there is no way that I’m letting him, and his stupid ego beat me at a game of table tennis.”
“You sound pretty confident,” you noted, poking gently against your arm, “I’m sure that Jin probably wants to defeat you and your competitive ego to you know.”
A sharp intake of breath came from Jungkook, “me? An ego, I just know that I’m better than him.”
Your head shook at how competitive Jungkook still was, “either way I’m sure that whichever one of you ends up winning this game will probably brag about it forever.”
Whilst most people started to get stuck in with preparing dinner soon after, with Bam following behind you too, Jungkook decided his time was better spent at the table tennis table. After pressing it up against the wall to bounce the ball off of, he rallied and rallied making sure that he was prepared for his match with Jin.
When you came and found him to let him know that dinner was ready, a sigh came from him, reluctantly placing the racket down and slumping behind you to the table.
“I was really getting into the swing of things there,” Jungkook proudly told you as he walked.
“I’m sure that Jin will be much stiffer competition than a wall though.”
Jungkook’s head shook as he threw his arm across your shoulders, walking to the two seats that were waiting for the two of you at the end of the table. Even as the two of you sat down, you could tell that Jungkook was glancing across at Jin, making sure that he was aware that Jungkook had been practicing.
As soon as the two of you sat down, Bam snuck underneath the table where the two of you were, looking between you both. With Yoongi placing the plates of food down at the table, Jungkook ran his hand over the top of Bam’s head, promising him that he’d be fed too once you had everything sorted for you and the boys.
It had been the same routine for you since the start of the trip, having joined halfway through their holiday, you slipped into their habits and followed exactly what they did, offering your help wherever you felt that you could slot in.
Throughout your meal, Jungkook’s legs bounced excitedly, making sure that he stayed agile in his seat. Several times you watched him swerve left and right or pretend that his chopsticks were a racquet and swing for his food.
In the end you could only laugh to yourself at how eager he was. “Can’t you just eat like everyone else does?” You asked him, watching him hit again against the side of his glass.
“I’ve got to get in the zone Y/N,” Jungkook explained to you, pressing his hands to his temples, “this is a big match in case you’ve forgotten.”
Your head shook back to Jungkook, knowing that Jin was watching the two of you. “You remember that Jin is your elder, right? Don’t you think that maybe you should let him win, I mean no one wants to lose to someone that’s younger than them, do they?”
Jungkook scoffed in reply to you, he didn’t care that Jin was his elder, all he cared about was winning. Throughout the trip he had managed to show off how good he was at so many things, and this was no exception for him too.
“I’ll win, for you,” Jungkook whispered across into your ear. “I kept telling you that I’d do something special on this trip, I’ll make that something special beating Jin at table tennis then we’ll get bragging rights over the rest of them for the rest of the trip.”
“You do remember that I’m leaving tomorrow, right?” You chuckled, “you might get bragging rights but I’m just going back home so you can enjoy your victory all by yourself here.”
“I still can’t believe you’re going,” Jungkook sighed with his expression dropping, “are you sure that there’s no way that you can convince your boss to give you some more time off?”
You had been lucky to get just a few days off to be able to drive up and explore the house that the boys were staying at. The last thing that you were able to do was push your luck, having got yourself in trouble before with your boss for hanging out with the boys and not doing your work properly.
With you going tomorrow, Jungkook was more confident than ever that he was going to win and round off the little trip that you’d had together perfectly. If he had one more chance to be able to show off to you, Jungkook was absolutely going to take it.
And as a small groan came from underneath the table, Jungkook knew that someone else agreed with him too. “Bam will be on my side,” Jungkook laughed as Bam’s wide eyes looked up, “he knows that I can do it.”
“He’s on ball boy duties when you end up sending the ball flying,” you smiled, running your hand over the top of Bam’s head, “when Jin can’t return the balls that you send down to him.”
“I’ll have him running all over the place,” Jungkook assured you, “it might be the table tennis match of the century.”
Your eyes rolled, “I’m sure the production team feel very lucky to be filming it.”
“They should, it’s a once in a lifetime for everyone.”
⨽ summary: everything made sense to you, until it didn’t. you expected the name of your soulmate to appear on your shoulder the day you turned twenty one. and on the day of your twenty first birthday, that happened, but instead of one name, there were three.
⨽ pairing: vminkook x reader
⨽ genre: fluff , soulmate au , slow burn (?)
⨽ warnings: none
⨽ word count: 1.9k
⨽ a/n: how do you actually play overwatch?
“And we’re here.” Jimin softly sang, looking out the window at their apartment complex. “Can you wake y/n up?"
Taehyung nodded before gently shaking your body. "Wakey, wakey, y/n.”
“Wake up, princess,” Jungkook whispered, tapping your cheeks. “Hm?” You groaned, opening your eyes.
‘We’re here, princess. You can sleep more in our place.“ Jimin smiled at you before opening the door once it had parked in the parking garage.
"We don’t need masks or anything like that?” You asked, rubbing your eyes, and they laughed. “We don’t really need to, but if you want to, take this,” Jungkook put the cap on your head.
“Let’s go. We don’t want anyone to see us or y/n,” Jimin chuckled before hopping out. And you finally got out after him.
“Hm, we need to fix the cap. Can’t afford to let anyone see you,” Jungkook said, coming out after you.
“Can I?” He asked. You weren’t sure of what he was asking permission for, but you just nodded, too sleepy to give it thought.
Jungkook smiled before pulling down the cap and wrapping his arms around you, burying your head in his chest.
“I’ll let you go once we’re in the elevator, okay?” He whispered while Jimin and Taehyung chuckled.
’Are they clowning me?’ You thought to yourself. ’Or do we actually have to hide from the public eye?’
“Come on, let’s go in."
—
"So this is where you guys live?” You asked as the four of you walked through the corridor. “Yup."
"I’ve passed this building a lot of times. It looks just as good from the inside,” you giggled. “You think? Ah, there’s Minho Hyung!” Taehyung smiled.
You looked in the direction where Taehyung was pointing. “Is that Minho from Shinee?” Your eyes widened.
“So you know K-pop idols?” Jimin chuckled. “I know some K-pop idols. I just don’t know a lot,” you huffed.
“Hyung!” Taehyung called.
“Now we actually have to hide you,” Jungkook said, pulling down the cap and pushing you behind him.
“Ah, Taehyung-ah. How are you?” Minho asked. “Hello to you, too. And the person you’re clearly hiding.”
“Hey,” Jimin bowed. “Uh, we’ll head inside and let the two of you talk.”
Taehyung nodded before turning to his friend. “We live in the same building and on the same floor, but we rarely see each other.”
“I’m guessing it’s because of your busy schedule,” Minho said, flashing him a smile. “Congratulations on your success, Taehyung-ah.”
“Thank you, Hyung. But I think we don’t see each other because of your schedule too. I’m pretty sure you’re just as busy as I am,” he chuckled.
“Hm, I guess you’re right. You guys are preparing for a comeback, right?” Mingo asked, and Taehyung shrugged. “Don’t know. Maybe we are. Maybe we aren’t."
"Okay. I’ll find out soon,” Minho said, winking at him. Anyway, who was Jungkook hiding?“ Minho asked.
"Ah, that’s our soulmate.” Taehyung smiled.
Inside their apartment, you followed Jimin and Jungkook to the living room.
“Why did you guys hide me from Minho?” You frowned. “Hm, because we don’t want anyone to see yet. Even if it is an idol friend,” Jimin told you, sitting down.
“Is that even a valid excuse? It’s not he’s going to tell the public who I am and what I look like. I wanted to meet him,” you frowned.
“What’re you? A fan of Shinee? Are you a Shawol? Jungkook asked. "I wouldn’t say I’m a Shawol, but I occasionally listen to their music. It would’ve been nice to speak to him.”
“You can talk to him another time, y/n,” Jimin said.
“Do you know if any other famous idols live here?” You asked. “When did you realise he lived here?’
"Actually, as surprising as it is, many famous people live here. Celebrities, actors, actresses, idols. You bump into a lot of those kinds of people."
"Really? Is that we didn’t need to hide when we came in?” You asked. “We didn’t really have to hide, princess. We had to hide you.” Jungkook chuckled, causing you to frown. “So you guys weren’t teasing me?"
"Nah, we were. You being half asleep made it funnier,” Jungkook laughed.
“We were teasing at first, but then we realised it would be better to keep you hidden from anyone other than us,” Jimin told you before flicking your cheek.
“I need to prepare for some questions,” Taehyung said, walking into the living. “Done talking to Minho Hyung?” Jimin asked, and he nodded. “Yup.”
“Anway, why do you need to prepare for some questions?” Jungkook asked. “Ah, I told Hyung that the person you were hiding was our soulmate.”
“Heh?"
"Yeah, now I need to prepare for the number of texts the other Hwarang Hyungs will send me once Minho tells them,” Taehyung sighed, sitting next to Jimin. “Anyway, what do you you guys want to do?"
"Hm… y/n, are you still sleepy?” Jimin asked. “Hm, not really. I’m actually pretty hungry, though.”
“Should we order or make something to eat?” Jungkook asked. “I don’t mind cooking."
"We’ve been ordering a lot of food this week. Why don’t we cook instead?” Taehyung offered. “Are you okay with us cooking, y/n?"
"I’m okay with anything. As long as I get to eat, I’m good."
"Alright, we can make Jjigae or how about Bulgogi?” Jungkook asked, getting up from the couch.
(Jjigae - Korean stew)
“We had bulgogi the other day, so how about Jjigae? Kimchi Jjigae?” Jimin said. “Come on, you two. Let’s go make something to eat.”
“Doesn’t it take time to make Jjigae thought?” You asked, following Jimin and Taehyung to the kitchen.
“Not if all of us help make it.”
“Alright, I’ll marinate the pork belly with the rice wine and ground black pepper. Jimin, baby, can you please cool the kimchi. Uh, Tae, you can slice the brown onions and mushrooms. We already have sliced tofu. y/n will help the green onions when she’s done with the base,” Jungkook said as he washed his hands.
“Princess, are you okay with making the base?” He asked you. “I don’t mind."
"Alright, let’s get to work.”
—
“Hm, thank you, Kook.” Taehyung hummed as he took a bite of his food.
“Why are you guys thanking me? You helped me make it,” Jungkook chuckled before picking up his chopsticks.
“What should we do when we’re done eating? There’s still a lot of time before we should take y/n home,” Jimin asked.
“Hm, we can watch a couple of movies.” You told him. “Or we can play some games.”
“Yeah, games are a must. We can play some overwatch or COD,” Jungkook smirked. “Ah, yes. I’d like to redeem myself-"
"You won’t be able to redeem yourself if you’ll play against him in Overwatch or COD,” Taehyung chuckled. “You’ll get embarrassed.”
“You think I don’t know how to play?” You asked, putting down your spoon and folding your arms over your chest.
“You sucked at simple arcade games, princess. How will you beat me in a game these two can’t? Any they actually know how to play it,” Jungkook asked, leaning forward and resting his chin in the palm of his hand.
“Fine. Jimin and Taehyung can teach me the basics of the game. Once I know it, I’ll be able to win and prove myself.”
“Let’s bet on it, princess. If I win, you’ll grant me a wish, and if you win, vice versa, okay?” Jungkook offered, and you hummed in response.
“Deal.”
The four of you finished eating rather quickly so that Taehyung and Jimin could teach you the basics of Overwatch.
They spent almost an hour helping you while Jungkook lounged in their room, waiting for you to be done.
“Good luck, y/n. Someone needs to bring this boy down for once. We’re rooting for you!” Jimin said.
“Do you think you’re ready to play? Or do you want us to help you some more?” Taehyung asked.
“I think you’ve given her enough training time. Don’t worry… I haven’t played in a while, so I might be a little rusty,” Jungkook said, sitting on the cushion next to you.
“Team, or do you want it 1v1?” He asked.
“Hey, how will team versus team be fair?” Jimin frowned. “Just play 1v1. She’ll use my account to verse you."
"Wait, but how will you play 1v1 using the tv? Doesn’t y/n need to play off another device? It doesn’t work like Fifa, where we have a player(team) one and player(team) two,” Taehyung said.
“I think they’ll have to play in the game room?” Jimin said, but it sounded more like a question. “Game room? You guys have a game room?” You asked, and they nodded.
“Yup. now let’s go so I can beat you!” Jungkook exclaimed, getting up, almost skipping away.
“How many rooms do you guys have?” You asked as you followed them to their game room.
“This is a three-bedroom apartment. We turned the bigger spare into our game room since we game a lot in our free time,” Jimin told you.
“That’s so cool,” you muttered.
“Will you three hurry up? I need my wish to be granted!” Jungkook exclaimed, causing you to chuckle.
"This isn’t fair! This is beginners’ luck! Let’s play for two more rounds, please?"
"No~ Our deal was for one round and one round only. We play more rounds for fun,” you told him. “But later, these games aren’t my kind of thing.”
“Well done, princess!” Jimin said, raising his hand to give you a high five. “It usually takes us a lot of rounds to beat Jungkook in 1v1. You did it one go!”
“Accept defeat, baby. Let’s just go and watch a movie,” Taehyung said.
“First, let me grant whatever wish y/n has,” Jungkook sighed. “What do you want to wish for?”
“Hm,” you hummed, rubbing your chin as if you were in deep thought. “I’ll think about it.”
Jungkooks mouth fell open. “Nah, you don’t even know what you want to wish for? Come on, y/n.~”
“What would you have wished for if you won, huh?” Jimin chuckled, placing a hand on Jungkook’s shoulder.
Jungkook blushed and looked down at his lap. He had a wish in mind, but he wasn’t sure if it really counted as one.
“Come on. What were you going to ask for, hm?"
"I-I would’ve asked for another date."
"Of course, that would’ve been your wish,” Taehyung chuckled. “We can y/n out on a date sometime next week, Kookie.”
“Where do you think we should take her?” Jungkook asked. “We can think about that later. Let’s go watch some movies. y/n’s probably waiting for us in the living room."
"Wait, do we have any microwaveable popcorn? Do we have snacks?” Jimin asked, and they shrugged.
“We should have some snacks. Not sure about popcorn, though,” Taehyung frowned.
⨽summary: everything made sense to you, until it didn’t. you expected the name of your soulmate to appear on your shoulder the day you turned twenty one. and on the day of your twenty first birthday, that happened, but instead of one name, there were three.
⨽pairing: vminkook x reader
⨽genre: fluff , soulmate au , slow burn (?)
⨽warnings: none
⨽word count: 1.5k
⨽a/n: beginning to become a bit fluffy i think :)
It had been almost two weeks since you went on your first date with your soulmates. And the three idols were rather upset that they didn’t get to see you often due to their schedules.
“What’s our schedule for next week looking like?” Jimin asked with a sigh.
“We’re actually free next week!” Hoseok cheered, causing their eyes to widen.
“The whole week?” Jungkook asked, and Namjoon nodded. “Yup. I can finally spend some time with Jaymi.”
“Have you not spent enough time with her? Jaymi has been coming during practices, and you’re almost always at her place. I’m beginning to wonder how Dispatch hasn’t caught you yet,” Yoongi huffed.
“That’s because everyone thinks I can’t drive,” Namjoon chuckled before taking a sip of his coffee.
“Oh my gosh! Since we’re off next week, we can finally see y/n, too!” Taehyung cheered, clapping his hands. “We should ask her if she’s got anytime next week.”
“Have any of you guys seen their soulmate?” Hoseok asked.
“I have. I’ve talked to y/n too. The girl seems like a sweetheart.” Jin said, causing Taehyung to send him a glare. “Lucky. I was hoping to talk to her, but Taehyung ended their call before I got to see or hear her.”
“So her name is y/n?” Namjoon asked, causing Jin to gasp. “You haven’t told the others her name?”
“How long did it take for Namjoon to reveal what Jaymi Noona looked like? He wouldn’t tell us her name, either.” Jungkook said, raising his brow.
“I was shy, okay?”
“Why would you be shy off showing us who your soulmate is?” Yoongi asked. “I’d show my soulmate off.”
“As if. You’d take the longest to give us any information on that person,” Jimin laughed. “Anyway, why don’t we call y/n once we get home? Isn’t she in the middle of a class right now?”
“Yeah, she’s supposed to be in the middle of a Sociology lecture,” Jungkook said.
“You guys know her timetable?” Jin asked with wide eyes, and Taehyung hummed in response. “We didn’t know it off by heart, but we have it.”
“Is that not… weird?” Yoongi frowned, causing Namjoon to chuckle. “Nope. When Jaymi was still working time, I had a timetable of when her shifts were.”
“That’s flipping weird.”
“I honestly think it’s cute. I can’t wait to find my soulmate,” Hoseok sighed. “Me too, Hobi.”
“Wait, are we done for the day too?” Jungkook suddenly asked. “You know your soulmate’s timetable, but you don’t know your own?” Yoongi scoffed, causing Jungkook to send him a glare.
“I know our timetable, hyung. It’s almost always changing.”
“Yes. We have the rest of the day off, Jungkook.” Jin told him, giving him a small smile.
“Jiminie! Tae! Why don’t we go to y/n’s school and pick her up?” Jungkook asked as he checked the time. “If we leave now, we’ll get there just before her class ends!”
“You’re right. Let’s do that!” Taehyung said, getting up from his seat. “Let’s not tell her we’re coming. I want it to kind of be a surprise.”
“Look at how excited they’ve become,” Namjoon chuckled. “They suddenly gained all their energy when they realised they’d finally get to see their soulmate.”
The four other members watched as the soulmates grabbed their things and rushed to the door.
“Shut up, Namjoon. You were just and still are the same when it comes to Jaymi!” Jimin exclaimed before closing the door.
—
“Mingyu and I are going on a date tonight! That should honestly make my Friday ten times flipping better.” Yeonjun groaned as the two of you walked out of your Criminal Law lecture.
“You haven’t been able to go on dates because he’s been busy with work, right?” You asked, and he hummed in response.
“Yup! So I’m happy we finally get to spend some time together,” he cheered, causing you to sigh.
“I wonder when’s the next time I get to see the guys. As far as I know, we won’t be seeing each other for a while since their schedules are packed.”
“Ah, that’s right… your soulmates are flipping kpop idols…” Yeonjun muttered. “Don’t worry, babe. I’m sure you’ll see them soon!”
“Hopefully, I will. Anyway, what do you and Mingyu plan to do?” You asked. “Also, where are we supposed to meet Yuna?”
“Hm, probably a movie night? I don’t want much, hey… Just some time together. And uh, we’re supposed to meet up with Yuna at the entrance.” Yenjun told you, checking his phone to make sure he was correct.
“I’m so happy it’s Friday,” you sighed.
This week had been a bit stressful, and you just wanted to get home and rest.
“Friday~ Friday~ Fri- Oh, who’s calling?” You muttered. “Junnie? Be a dear and take my phone out of my backpack?”
Yeonjun groaned before opening your backpack and taking out your phone.
“Who’s calling?”
“Uh, Jungkook. Damn, you saved your soulmates with their names?” Yeonjun asked, handing you your phone. “Yeah… is there a problem with that?” You frowned.
“Pick up the call, sweetie. We’ll talk about this later.” You eyed him weirdly before answering the call.
“y/n~” Jungkook sang, causing you to smile. “Jungkook~ What’s up?”
“What’re you doing? Like right now?” He asked. “I just got out of class with Yeonjun, and we’re on our way to the entrance to find Yuna. What about you guys? Just finished practice?”
“Nope. We’re looking for you.” This time it was Taehyung that spoke. “Looking for me? What do you mean looking for me?”
“We were given the rest of today off, and we came here hoping to see you. We’re parked in a parking lot, where there weren’t many students around,” Jimin told you.
“You guys wouldn’t have seen me if you’re parked there. I’ll come there right now. Uh, how should I know it’s you guys?” You asked, picking up your pace.
“When we see you, we’ll hoot. - And I’ll stick my hand out and wave!”
“Alright. I’ll see you three in a bit,” you said before ending the call.
“Looks like somebody will get to see her soulmates after all,” Yeonjun teased, causing you to playfully roll your eyes.
“You looked so disappointed earlier. Thought it’d be long before you’d see those boys again, but look at you! All smiles and stuff.~”
“Yeonjun… shut up, will you?” You groaned, and he laughed. “There’s a lot more teasing to come, babe.”
You let out a sigh and shook your head. “Anyway, so what do you think we should get for lunch? Yuna- shoot! The three of us had plans!” You muttered before looking at your friend.
Yeonjun smiled. “It’s okay. You see us too often to turn down once in a while chance you get to see those guys. I’ll tell Yuna.”
You smiled before giving him a hug. “Thanks, Junnie. See you guys whenever!” You exclaimed before running out the entrance.
“y/n! There you are- did she run past me like that?” Yuna frowned as she watched your figure disappear.
“Her soulmates are here. So she’s going to spend time with them.” Yeonjun suddenly said, appearing behind her. “It’s hard to believe she was upset earlier.”
“What the heck, Yeonjun? Don’t do that!” Yuna exclaimed, clutching her chest as she tried to calm her beating heart.
“Sorry, babe. Anyway, Let’s go get food, shall we?”
—
“Where are they? Where are they?” You asked yourself once you reached the parking lot.
“Let me give them a call-” *Honk*
You quickly looked up, and in the distance was a black SUV with a hand sticking out of the window and waving at you.
“y/n!” You couldn’t help but laugh before making your way to the car.
The door slid open, just wide enough for you to get in. “Come!” Taehyung whispered-yelled, extending his hand for you to take.
As soon as you were pulled in, the door was quickly closed behind you.
“y/n!” Jungkook exclaimed, shifting aside, creating space for you to sit. “Sit here. Between Tae and I.”
“Hey, Jungkook. Hey guys…”
“Gosh, you don’t know how much we were dying to see you again,” Jimin smiled. “Mhm!” Taehyung agreed.
“I think our hyungs were tired of us constantly asking what our schedule looks like even though we know,” Jungkook chuckled. “Anyway, how was your day?”
“The same…”
“This week was tiring, huh?” Taehyung asked, and you hummed in response. “I feel exhausted, and I just want to rest.”
“Hm… do you want to go over to our place?” Jimin suddenly asked, causing his boyfriends to look at him wide-eyed. ’Huh?’
“Our plan was to go somewhere. But since you’re tired, we can just chill there. Unless you’re not comfortable with that yet…”
“Anything is fine. As long as I’m with you three… I don’t mind,” you softly chuckled before closing your eyes as you got comfortable. “Anything… is fine. As long as I’m with you…”
The three males couldn’t help but smile as they watched you slowly fall asleep.
‘You must’ve been super tired, huh?“ Taehyung whispered, gently moving your head to rest on his shoulder. "Mhm.”
“Is this okay?” He asked, and you nodded.
Taehyung hesitantly wrapped an arm around you before pulling you closer.
’You two look cute,’ Jimin mouthed before turning to the front.
⨽summary: everything made sense to you, until it didn’t. you expected the name of your soulmate to appear on your shoulder the day you turned twenty one. and on the day of your twenty first birthday, that happened, but instead of one name, there were three.
⨽pairing: vminkook x reader
⨽genre: fluff , soulmate au , slow burn (?)
⨽warnings: none ( i think)
⨽word count: 1.1k
⨽a/n: i kinda hate this part. i’ll probably improve it later lol.
“Tell me why those three have been staring into the distance with stupid smiles on their faces?” Yoongi asked as he looked at the lost looking members.
“They went out with their soulmate yesterday. I guess something must’ve happened. Like a kiss or something,” Jin chuckled.
“Reminds me of how Namjoon. He was like this when he and Jaymi Noona started going out,” Hoseok chuckled. “Yeah, but I’m better. This is three times worse than I was. Literally.”
Finally, snapping out of his thoughts, Taehyung let out a sigh. "Did I act like this when the other two kissed me on my cheek?"
"A kiss on the cheek!? Acting like this because of a kiss on the cheek?”
“You wouldn’t understand. It’s from a soulmate,” Namjoon told him. “And to answer your question. No. You guys did act out of it. A lot, actually, but it wasn’t to this extent. I think it’s because the three of you were already close before you found out you were soulmates.”
“I can’t wait to see her again,” Jungkook sighed. “Me too, Kook.”
“Unlucky for you, our schedule is packed this weekend and next week. Good luck trying to meet up with your soulmate again,” Yoongi grumbled, causing the three to frown.
“Yoongi!” Jin exclaimed. “What?”
“Don’t worry, guys. I’m sure you’ll be able to see her again soon!"
-
"So… how was it?” Yuna asked. “Yeah! I texted you last night. Heck, I even called, but you never picked up!” Yeonjun whined.
“It was good. Beat the boys in a dance game, but then Jungkook redeemed himself in a shooting game. I also discovered that they suck at claw machines,” you chuckled.
“So… did anything happen?” Yuna asked, wiggling her eyebrows. “Yeah, like a kiss or something…”
“If she kissed one of them, I bet you it was Jimin!” Yeonjun scoffed. “Just because she met him first doesn’t mean he’s the one who’s going to take her first kiss. I bet you it’s Jungkook-”
“It was literally our first date! I didn’t kiss any of them! Actually, I did… but it was on the cheek and…, and they had their masks on,” you told them as a pink tint spread on your cheeks.
“Now, why would you do that?” Yuna asked with wide eyes. “Why didn’t you pull their masks down, huh? At least one of them?"
"I couldn’t have possibly done that. I don’t even know how I mustered up the courage to kiss the guys on their cheeks!” Yeonjun let out a sigh as he sunk into his seat. “You’re hopeless. Way worse than I was."
"What? You had one soulmate. I have three,” you grumbled. “Such a comparison is unfair."
"When do you think the next time you guys will go out is?” Yuna asked. “I don’t know, honestly. The guys are idols, and I’m sure they’ve got busy schedules. It’ll honestly depend on the next time they’re free."
"Next time you go out, make a bolder move, babe. Like hold hands or- wait, did you even hold hands with any of them?” Yeonjun asked, and you slowly shook your head. “No…"
"Oh my gosh, and here we were thinking you would’ve already kissed them-"
"Come on! It was our first date. Why would you think that?” You groaned. “It was my first time going on a date…"
"Fine, but who do you actually think will be your first kiss-"
"We will not talk about that!"
-
"I’ve just gotten in,” you told him as you kicked off your shoes before closing the door behind you.
Taehyung had decided to give you a call just before you reached your apartment door.
“Good. How was your day?” he asked. “Hm, it was good. I didn’t have many lectures to attend today,” you said, making your way to your bedroom. “You? How was your day?"
"It was good too. We didn’t have dance practice today.”
“Do you not like your dance practices?” You asked with a chuckle. “Hm, not always. Sometimes it’s nice, but it can be really tiring. I just want to go on holiday,” Taehyung softly whined.
You let out a soft sigh as you plopped onto your bed. “When do you think you’ll get a break?”
“Not anytime soon. We’re preparing for our comeback… so yeah- Tae? Who are you on the phone with?” Your brows furrowed in confusion at the new voice. It didn’t sound like any of your other soulmates, so it was probably one of his members.
“With my soulmate- Oh? The one you just found?. Switch to video call. I wanna see her!"
"Sorry, y/n. Is it okay if we switch to video call? One of my older members would like to see you,” Taehyung asked. “Yeah, sure.”
“Hi,” you waved as soon as the call switched to video. “Hi.”
“Aye, look at you taking screenshots,” the male behind Taehyung chuckled. “Hyung…”
“Hi, there, pretty. My name’s Seokjin. Kim Seokjin but everyone just calls me Jin. Nice to meet you,” he introduced himself. “Nice to meet you too, Jin. My name’s y/n."
"You know, your soulmates were so out of it today. They kept staring into nothing with stupid smiles on their faces-"
"Hyung…” Taehyung interrupted, sending his friend a glare but Jin didn’t seem fazed by it at all. “Because you kissed them on the cheek. What made it funnier was all of them were out of it.” Jin laughed, which also caused you to laugh.
“Stop embarrassing us, hyung.”
“It’s not embarrassing, Tae. I’m sure y/n find it cute. Don’t you y/n?” Jin asked. “I do find it cute, actually,” you giggled, causing Taehyung to blush. “Awe, you’re blushing.~"
"Can you let us talk in peace?” He groaned, which only made Jin laugh. “I can’t wait to do this to you when you find your soulmate.”
“Pfft, as if I’d let you. Y- Jin, hyung! Where are you? I need your help!”
“Yes, go to wherever you’re needed and leave us alone,” Taehyung grumbled, causing you to giggle.
“Fine. It was nice talking to you, y/n. Let me do what this kid wants and leave you two alone. Bye, pretty~” Jin sang. “Bye, Jin."
"Flipping, finally,” Taehyung muttered before giving you a smile. “Sorry about that. He likes to tease us sometimes."
"It’s okay. Yuna and Junnie are like that too-”
“Oooh, who you’re on the phone with?” A new voice said. “I swear to God… why won’t you guys talk to y/n in peace?” Taehyung groaned, and you giggled. “y/n? Your soulmate? The one guys were gushing over? Oh, can I see her?”
“Oh my God! Remind me to never call you when I’m at the dorm, okay?"
"Okay,” you said with a laugh. ‘Looks like having him and the other two as my soulmates is going to be eventful.’
Climbing into bed and making yourself comfortable, you pull the blankets up to your chin before turning onto your side and grabbing your phone, the bright screen momentarily blinding you. Blinking rapidly for your eyes to adjust, you scroll to find Jungkook’s contact on your phone. Tapping on his name, you press the audio call icon, smiling softly as the adorable profile picture you had set for him takes over your whole screen.
It was a cute selfie you two had taken together with Jungkook holding up the phone and taking the picture while placing a kiss on your cheek as you smile brightly. But it’s bittersweet because the picture only reminds you of how much you miss him. Jungkook’s been so busy with work lately that you haven’t seen him for nearly a week. You didn’t want to be clingy or annoying but you had gotten so used to being with Jungkook that it felt strange to be apart for so long.
Ever since Jungkook started staying at the dorms with the other members to compensate for their super busy schedule, you’ve called him every night to make sure everything’s okay and that he’s taking care of himself. And deep inside, although you’ve never told him, you also call him because his voice never fails to comfort you and help you fall asleep without him physically by your side.
You patiently wait as the phone rings before Jungkook answers your call, instantly making you perk up. But when a heavy sigh comes from the other end of the line, you falter. “Jungkook?” you ask worriedly, “Is everything okay?” Hearing concern bleed into your voice over the phone, Jungkook runs a hand through his hair tiredly. “Yeah, everything’s fine,” he sighs through the phone, causing you to frown at the disinterest in his voice.
“How’s practice going?” you try to ask him about his day, hoping that he’ll share his worries with you so he doesn’t have to bear them all alone. “Good,” he answers simply before the line goes quiet. You remain silent, giving him a chance to expand if he wants to but he never does. You secretly hope that he’ll try to keep the conversation alive and ask you something—how your day was or what you’ve been up to—anything to show that he had the slightest interest in having a conversation with you.
You let out a small sigh of defeat when Jungkook doesn’t say anything, curling into yourself slightly as you wonder whether Jungkook really wants to be talking to you or if you’re just being a bother. “Are you sure everything’s okay? You can talk to me you know,” you try asking one more time. “Mhm,” he hums in acknowledgement. You curl into yourself more and more each time Jungkook gives you a dry response, a feeling of insecurity washing over you as you burrow deeper underneath the covers.
It was strange. Jungkook’s always been the epitome of comfort to you but talking to him now, you were suddenly feeling unsure of yourself. Discouraged by how one-sided this conversation was, you open your mouth to let Jungkook go and wish him goodnight but he beats you to it. “I’m busy, I have to go,” he mumbles into the phone, immediately hanging up the call without even giving you a chance to say goodbye to him, let alone say goodbye to you.
You pull the phone away from your ear in disbelief, Jungkook’s cute profile picture staring back at you almost mockingly as it reminds you of the times you had that are now gone. You can’t help but feel hurt. Jungkook’s never treated you so coldly before but you give him the benefit of the doubt, hoping that he really was just busy.
You: goodnight
You: i love u <3
You send him a couple of texts since you didn’t get the chance to say goodbye to him over the phone and you’re about to turn your phone off when three dots appear on your screen, signalling that Jungkook was typing. You settle back into your pillow, patiently waiting for his message before going to bed.
Kookie <3: plz stop calling every night
Kookie <3: i don’t have time to text and call you every single day
You read Jungkook’s message over and over again, your vision starting to blur with tears as you pray for a “jk” or something else to pop up. But it never comes and after staring at his message for nearly five minutes, you give up on any hope that this is just some prank. With tears in your eyes, you reply with a simple “ok” before turning your phone off and placing it on the bedside table.
Turning to face Jungkook’s empty side of the bed, you shut your eyes tightly to hold back your tears, trying to forget about all the events of the night and fall asleep. because you have an early morning tomorrow Please stop calling. I don’t have time. But Jungkook’s words flash behind your eyelids, forcing you to open them and focus on something else in the room to make them disappear. Gripping the blankets tightly in your fists, you let out little sobs as your tears soak into your pillow.
The next morning when Jungkook wakes up, the first thing he does is reach for his phone since it’s become routine for him to check for your good morning texts. Squinting at his lock screen, still half-asleep, his brows furrow in confusion when he doesn’t find any notifications from you wishing that he has a good day and to take care of himself. Slowly starting to wake up, Jungkook recalls your conversation last night, or rather lack of, and how cold he was to you.
He curses under his breath, sitting up and unlocking his phone to check your messages and make sure it wasn’t just some nightmare. But the proof is right in front of his eyes as he reads over the message he sent you last night. Falling back onto his pillow, Jungkook lets out a groan as he throws his arm over his eyes. Regret immediately washes over him and he wants nothing more than to drive home and apologize to you.
He shouldn’t have said that to you. He didn’t mean it. He was just feeling so overwhelmed with work lately to the point where answering your texts and calls felt like a chore. But now that he was rested and able to think straight, it registers in his mind just how much he must’ve hurt you. But his schedule’s packed and he knows he won’t be able to return home to you in at least a week.
Kookie <3: im sorry
After sending you a quick apology, Jungkook throws the covers off himself, begrudgingly getting out of bed to get ready for the day.
Slowly coming to consciousness, you let out a groan as you bury your face in your pillow, not having the energy or the motivation to get out of bed. Listening to Jungkook’s voice before bed always helped you relax and soothe all your worries. But after last night, you felt more anxious than ever and didn’t fall asleep until around 3 am, resulting in you waking up feeling extremely groggy and fatigued.
Turning onto your side and picking up your phone, a message from Jungkook immediately catches your attention. Tapping on the notification, you stare at his apology, contemplating sending him a message. You type out a short but sweet message to wish him good morning, hovering your thumb over the send button but you’re unsure whether you should send it or not.
But when your eyes move up to your messages from last night, the answer is clear as day as you delete the message you typed out before putting your phone back on the nightstand. Rolling onto your back, you let out a sigh as you stare at the ceiling. Even though he apologized, you can’t help but hesitate every time you think about sending Jungkook a message, afraid you might be bothering him.
Jungkook knows his short apology isn’t enough. Of course it isn’t, insecurities can’t be washed away just like that. He isn’t able to apologize to you properly because of how busy his schedule is but when he doesn’t receive a single text or call from you for the next 3 days, Jungkook can’t take it anymore. And after talking to the company about how he was feeling so overwhelmed that answering his loved ones’ texts and calls felt like a chore, they were quick to understand and give them a break.
Leaving the company building, Jungkook decides to apologize to you and surprise you, picking up some takeout from your favourite restaurant and your favourite flowers on the way home. Entering the apartment, Jungkook sees your shoes and keys are still gone, meaning you’re still at work. He smiles, knowing he has time to prepare everything for you. He gets to work, setting the table nicely and arranging the flowers nicely in a vase.
Your eyebrows furrow in confusion when you walk in through the front door to find the lights on. You haven’t been able to get a goodnight’s sleep ever since the last time you talked to Jungkook so you assume that you just forgot to turn the lights off in your exhausted state when Jungkook suddenly pops his head around the corner. He quickly approaches you and pulls you into his arms. “You’re home,” he whispers into your hair, cradling your head to his chest.
You bring your arms up to wrap around his waist, clutching the fabric of his shirt in your fists. “I’m sorry,” he apologizes sincerely, “I was just feeling so stressed and overwhelmed but I promise I didn’t mean anything I said. I always look forward to your good morning texts and your phone calls at night. These past few days have been hell for me.” When he finally pulls away, he takes a closer look at you, quickly noticing the dark circles under your eyes and the exhausted look on your face. “You look tired,” he observed out loud, “Have you not been sleeping well?”
You shrug your shoulders at him, avoiding eye contact as you move your gaze to the floor. No matter how much he hurt you, you didn’t have the heart to tell him the reason you couldn’t sleep was because of him. But he can see right through you, blaming himself for saying harsh things to you, for being away from you when you needed him. “It’s because of me, isn’t it?” he asks sadly, looking at you with big, guilty eyes. He hates the fact that he’s the reason you haven’t been well when it was his job to make sure you’re well taken care of.
He pulls you back into a hug, whispering over and over again, “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.” You bring a hand up, lightly patting him on the back to reassure him. “It’s okay, Jungkook. I know you’re busy, you’re doing your best,” you try to reassure him but he frowns down at you, shaking his head stubbornly. He guides you to the table, picking up some food with a fork before holding it out to you. “Jungkook you don’t have to-” you try to protest but he gives you a look that says he won’t let you raise a finger.
Giving in with a sigh, you open your mouth, allowing him to spoon-feed you but not without making sure he’s feeding himself as well. Jungkook keeps feeding you until you physically can’t eat another bite and you feel like you’re going to explode because of how full you are. He already failed to make sure you were well-rested and he’d be damned if he failed to make sure you were eating well too.
Once you two finish eating, Jungkook rushes to throw all the takeout containers into the garbage before coming back to you. He picks you up bridal style, carrying you to your shared bedroom and gently seating you on the bed. “I’ll run a bath for you. Wait here,” he tells you as he turns to enter the bathroom but you reach out to grasp onto the fabric of his sleeve, stopping his movements. He turns around at your hold, looking at you with questioning eyes. “
It’s okay, Jungkook, I know you’re tired too. Let’s just go to sleep,” you tell him with a soft smile. His bottom lip juts out as he pouts at you, his desire to make it up to you clear in his eyes. “Please?” you ask softly, “I just want to be with you right now.” Jungkook can’t deny you when you ask him so nicely, immediately giving in as you scoot over on the bed, creating room for him as he climbs into bed beside you.
He pulls you into his arms, engulfing you in his warmth and washing away all your worries. Laying your head on his chest, your eyelids start to grow heavy as you listen to his steady heartbeat. “Jungkook?” you mumble drowsily, on the verge of falling asleep. “Hmm?” he hums in acknowledgement, the vibration rumbling through his chest. “Can you sing to me, please?” you request softly as you mindlessly trace the tattoos on his skin.
Jungkook immediately agrees, beginning to sing softly to you. His angelic voice fills the bedroom as he combs his fingers through your hair, lulling you to sleep. When he finishes the song, he looks down to find your cheek squished against his chest, fast asleep. He smiles softly at your sleeping face, placing a kiss on your forehead before cuddling you closer to his chest, comforted by the fact that you were now in his arms.
¼ of the amazing quartet, i will do the other 3 in due time! i love my queen, i live for her werewolf au, plus there’s always the right mix of angst, fluff, and smut that is always chefs kiss… i super like that although her male characters are so obviously strong they are super soft too then it comes to female leads… and and and theres sort of redemption always for characters like Yoongi in Third Wheeling & Jimin in Bird Cage.
below are my fave fics from this author, but please do go ahead and browse all her works as they are all equally beautiful.
I Waited for You - just because its a Kim Seokjin fic and he’s an alpha!!! maybe i have not explored tumblr properly but i have come across very few Alpha Seokjin stories.
Welcome to Seoul Land - again, just because its a Kim Namjoon fic and werewolf au. my queen did not disappoint! Namjoon is so soft, ima cry…
When it Rain it Pours - i was swooning, a soft Namjoon for a roommate turned lovers…
What’s up Doc - ooohhhhh! soft Yoongi and i love the part where they whispers while waiting for test results, its so cute i swear! but, don’t be fooled coz we are talking about the queen here so the smut is top tier as per usual.
Snowed In&Live, Laugh, Love - bestfriends to lovers stories featuring our eternal sunshine Hoseok. imagine Hoseok telling his girlfriend that his best friend means the most to him in the world!!! if that is not in love i dont know what.. but, Hoseok in our queens story is amazing.
Siver & Blue - alpha Taehyung with lots of smuts, what else can you ask for?
↳ Thank you to @kim-seok-jin for the beautiful banner and dividers, and to @chillingtae for helping her with it! ^^
Heartbroken and done with relationships, Y/N decides to vent about her breakup to the sweetest bartender. Yet just a glance in his dark eyes is enough to tell her that maybe, just maybe she won’t spend the night crying for an ex-boyfriend, but drowning in her lust for him instead.
↠ Pairing: Jungkook × f.reader
↠ Word Count: 10.9k
↠ Genres: Angst, smut, fluff, (slight) crack (if you squint)
↠ Rating:18+
↠ Trigger Warnings: Breakups and toxic relationship, cheating, swearing, physical fight, drama, alcohol, oral (m&f receiving), unprotected sex, hinted voyeurism, one night stand, long foreplay, multiple orgasms, overstimulation, spanking, degrading, creampie
⇢ This story was written as a birthday gift to @rubinora. We hope you had an amazing day! :D ⇠
Soojin:Y/N come quick.
You take a deep breath. I’m almost there, Soojin, I’m almost there. The sound of your footsteps against the pavement is the only thing you hear. You would’ve made it. You would’ve made it in time if it wasn’t for your pesky co-workers.
To the usual person, it is a cool Friday night.
To you, it is one of the worst days of your life.
… Or maybe you wouldn’t go as far as to call it that. Maybe, in the future, you would even call this one of your good days.
But for now?
You smile bitterly, uncaring who sees. Right now- there’s nothing more you want to do than scream. Yell. Anything to take away the fury and pain burning bright in your chest.
Your eyes fall on a couple as you pass them by, reminding you of the reason you’re out in the streets this late at night, instead of relaxing at home.
Jihyuk.
Your boyfriend.
Someone you had a deep admiration for. Someone you loved.
Someone who doesn’t feel the same way anymore.
It had all started when you had seen him come home hours later than usual. You gave him the benefit of the doubt. You told yourself that he must be out in town with his friends while you were at work, since he must’ve been bored alone. Because the deal is, he wasn’t employed. He had neither a job nor a penny in his bank account.
And that’s where you helped him. You were the worker. You put a roof over his head, you were the reason he had food on the plate everyday. You were there when he needed to buy anything. It felt more like you were a single parent providing for a child rather than a real, romantic relationship. And that should’ve been more than enough of a reason to leave him but you didn’t.
And now you regret it.
The next thing that came were the hickies on his neck. Purple bruises put on display, with his flushed cheeks- sometimes he was even drunk. Still, you helped him. Still, you gave him the benefit of a doubt, even when his ears turned red when you asked him if he was lying about just hanging out with friends.
Because there was no point in asking and answering. You already knew what he was doing, already saw the truth in his eyes.
And somehow still, everytime your friends would show you Jihyuk kissing some other girl, every time they’d tell you that they saw him out with some chick, you’d tell them they had to be seeing things. That the pictures could be photoshopped. Or maybe this was just a joke to make you dump him. But those things weren’t things you were saying to them, as much as it was to yourself, to convince your mind that what you saw or heard wasn’t it. It wasn’t the truth.
The truth is everything that has yet to be revealed today.
And at this point, you had gotten over the crying, the weeping, the sorrow and the regret. What is left is the anger- the feeling of being used.
You had given him everything, literally everything, only for him to treat you like some side doll. It hurt then. It hurt even now. It hurt a lot, especially on those nights, when you’d greet him after he came home, the smell of perfume thick on his body, lips bitten and swollen, cheeks red and flushed.
“Do you want dinner?” you’d ask, your eyes wandering anywhere but his face.
“Uh, no, I’m full. I ate out with friends, one of them treated the group.”
Lies. So many lies, told just so you’d keep him under your wing, protected and financially secured.
You smile widely even though inside, your heart wrenches. Why couldn’t he just tell you? It wasn’t like he thought you hadn’t noticed his aloof behaviour. How it affected you in turn.
Or did he? Maybe, he just thought that you were actually that dumb.
Maybe you really were that ignorant.
“Oh… okay. Well… I still have to eat,” you waited for this douche. You can’t believe it. Starved yourself so you could eat dinner with him when he probably was out with a girl. “So… do you want to talk as I eat?”
“Uhm,” his eyes met yours for a moment before he turned them away. “Uh- babe, I’m sorry… I’m tired after the long day, so,” he gave you a small smile. A smile that didn’t reach his eyes. “If you really want, I can go, but uh, let me take a shower first? Honestly… my, uh, friends can be so rowdy… I’m exhausted, but I guess you were waiting for me and all…”
You bit your lip as the warring thoughts of indignation, and yet also guilt filled you. “No- no, nevermind. If you’re tired,” you clenched your fists, “you should- go rest now.”
“Are you sure, babe? I wouldn’t want you to think I was avoiding you. Maybe I should-”
“No! No, I told you, I’ll be fine.”
“You’re the only person who understands and loves me best,” he praised you-and you felt a spark of fury, of hate and love grow in your chest. Was that all he could say to you? “See you tomorrow, then,” he said, his smile fainting away before walking past you to the bedroom. You stared at him until he left, until you couldn’t see him anymore as his silhouette disappeared upstairs.
The next day went similarly. You had arrived at your empty home.
Why?
Then there were days where you felt a little too insecure and asked him instead.
“Baby, are you… cheating on me?”
His body froze. He didn’t say anything for a moment, sitting on the couch as you had begged him a little earlier to watch a K-drama with you. Maybe it would’ve made the relationship a little better. Maybe you could’ve bonded. But he only seemed to be interested on his phone screen.
“What makes you say that?” Still, his eyes did not lift up to look at you.
“Eun says she saw you with this girl,” you muttered quietly, so quietly that you thought he wouldn’t have heard it. But he did. “She must have seen someone else,” he replied in a nonchalant manner.
“But it really looked like you, she said…”
“Do you believe her over me?” You watched him as he finally looked at you. “I’m your boyfriend, for God’s sake,” you bit your lip, then sighed heavily. It didn’t let all the words escape you. “I know, but…”
“If you want to end this relationship, I won’t stop you. But just know, you won’t find a better guy than me. After all, here I am, taking the time to watch with you, and you accuse me of cheating?”
Maybe you won’t find someone better. But even so, you knew that you didn’t deserve this. Didn’t deserve the late nights, wondering where he was, why he wasn’t home, if you’d done something wrong. No, you deserved better- and even if that better wasn’t from someone else, it certainly wouldn’t be from him.
Jihyuk huffed before standing up, wearing his coat and moments later, you heard the front door open and close. Moments of silence filled the room. You waited for Jihyuk expectantly, waiting for it to open and reveal him, but it didn’t.
“I wish I didn’t meet you.”
You are so over it. You are so over him.
You and Soojin had decided to catch him in the act. Your best friend had come up with the plan, and initially you had been in denial of it. But you had to end this cycle. You were so tired of it, of the constant stress you had to live with, of the burden that you weren’t supposed to carry.
You chose to set him up. If he agreed to Soojin’s advances, you were going to catch him red-handed and break it off right there and then.
And he had done exactly what you didn’t want him to.
Of course he had. You should’ve caught onto him a long time ago, but you really were a fool. And now that disgusted you. Hate intended for him enveloped you for your own self.
Walking into the dim-lit club, you are greeted by the sight of bodies pushing up against each other on the dance floor, the faint smell of alcohol lingering everywhere you step, and a bar, shining the brightest in the place. Silhouettes with their lips’ on one another, people drinking down glasses of liquor by each second that passed. A part of you is disgusted that Jihyuk took Soojin to a club, and the other isn’t surprised at all. No wonder the marks on his neck, his swollen lips.
Y/N:I’m here.
Soojin:Ok I’m in the bathroom hiding he was getting too close
Y/N:Right… lets meet up at the bar then.
Soojin:Ok!
Walking swiftly to the bar, you hope Jihyuk doesn’t see you, though in the wild crowd, you know he likely won’t.
You search for a familiar face as you reach the bar. Your eyes wander and land on the blonde that seems to be looking slightly lost.
“Soojin!” You call out and walk over to her, knowing fully well what is next. “Where is he?”
“Follow me,” you hear her voice above the loud music. Her disheveled figure makes its way to the seats. You can barely see her in the dark place, if not for the neon lightings flashing here and there.
You take a deep breath in.
Under a stray lighting, you catch sight of the hair you used to so fondly caress. Another one beside it, too close for them to be anything but sitting close, closer than friends, and definitely strangers. A few steps closer and you’d be close enough to see them clearly, close enough to catch him cheating perfectly.
Your heart feels numb, for a moment, contrary to before, but-
Three.
It’s funny how you can hear your heels echoing even in this noisy club. Or maybe that’s the beating of your heart.
Two.
Thinking back on everything that you’d gone through with him, if there’s any emotion that you think you should be feeling right now, it’s disbelief. Why? Did all the tender touches, all the kisses, all the ‘I love you’s mean nothing then?
It must, or else this wouldn’t be happening at all.
One.
Yet even so, your ever traitorous heart still weeps at the sight before you, as your gazes both match.
Jihyuk’s eyes widen as he sees you. His lips are pressed to the side of a girl’s neck, and even under the dim lighting, you can see the dark splotches of color on her pale skin. The girl beside him whimpers, leaning in closer, seeking his touches, the way he used to make you feel oh so good, your mind whispers.
He only pushes her away, frozen in place as he locks you down with guilt in his eyes.
The loud, deafening music somehow doesn’t matter anymore.
“Y/N,” his voice can barely be heard, but for someone like you who’s watched him utter your name with adoration before, you hear him perfectly.
“Well… I guess I’m not that surprised.” Your words are dry, devoid of feeling. Your fists are clenched. Your smile is wry. “What do you have to say for yourself?” you are going to do this quick, you tell yourself. But the crowd of people overhearing the matter already have their eyes on you.
As it is, even people lost in the rhythm of the club’s music are interested in your confrontation, bodies stopping in motion, only for strange eyes to stare at you with curiosity instead.
It’s scary. You can’t do this, a part of you wants to say- but how long has it been since you’ve kissed someone and felt the butterflies dance in your stomach, telling a tale so similar to the one of your lips? How long has it been since you’ve wanted to do something like that?
Your heart burns.
Truth be told, too long. Too fucking long. You’ve spent too much time in misery for you to turn your back on the person that brought you it. You want to be free. Breathe air without feeling suffocated, sleep without having to think about a person being next to you as you do so.
Free, at last.
“I-” he tries to speak, but you look at him quietly, face devoid of any emotion, only your lips tightening a clue to your current mood.
“Don’t you feel like shit? Leaving me alone on those nights when I actually put a roof over your head, when I’m the main reason you get to eat food every day? Why did you do this to me?”
You know you sound desperate. Here he is, clearly in the arms of another, yet you’re asking him, staring at him, waiting for an answer, an excuse, but he is able to give none. It only makes it all the worse, it only makes you gasp for more air, because each time he doesn’t reply, the walls get tighter and tighter.
“Fuck, if you wanted someone to give you a good time in bed, why couldn’t it have been me? We were in a relationship!” you exclaim. More people are gathering around, but at this point, you can’t care less.
“Could you not control yourself for once?! Do you have no shame coming home each day smelling like sex? Do you not love me?” The last words leave you as a whisper, your voice choked up and your tone vulnerable. It is evident he didn’t love you, if he did then he wouldn’t have done this. But you still wanted to ask. In case there was the smallest chance that he would give you something to hold onto.
“What about the times that you lied? Do you have no heart?” A single tear slips down your cheek.
Fuck. You hatethis.
Seconds pass, and nothing but his silence answers you. And when he does- it does nothing but rile you even further.
“Babe…” There’s the guilt in his eyes, that’s true, but it’s eclipsed by the panic, the way he’s obviously trying to assuage your anger. Instead of just admitting it. Instead of asking for your forgiveness.
Not that you would at this point, even if he begged on his knees.
“I didn’t think you’d be here,” he winces and you sharply smile.
“What, you can, but I can’t? Besides, shouldn’t I be the one telling you that? There I was, wondering where my boyfriend was, someone without a job staying out so late without even a message,” you laugh, as though the entire matter is funny to you, but anyone can easily hear the mockery in your voice. “Then I find out he’s in a club, busy whoring himself out.”
He bristles at that, guilt fading into anger as he stands up. “I’m whoring myself out?”
“Well, what else would you call it? You certainly don’t have any money, after all, not even to afford partying at this club. Isn’t that right? Isn’t that why you ask me for money?”
At that, you turn to face his previously ignored companion. Seeing the surprise and growing disgust against your soon-to-be-ex, you ask her gently. It’s all too obvious she didn’t know, after all. And as angry as you are, you won’t blame her for something that’s not her fault.
“Miss, dare I ask, did he have you pay for the drinks?”
She startles, but answers you steadily after a moment. “No, not at the start… but he did insist we pay for our own drinks, and then later on, he told me he left his wallet at home…” Realization colors her features as he reddens in embarrassment and anger. “That asshole, I must have spent more than a hundred dollars by now!”
“Tsk, tsk,” you mockingly shake your head at him, a part of you roaring at the highly humiliated look on his face. Just a glance downwards, and you can see how his fists are clenched, perhaps as tight as yours, veins already bulging out. Just a little more, and you could get him to explode. “Here I was, all but raising you, looking after you and feeding you, taking care of you, and you can’t even learn to have basic decency. Maybe I should feel ashamed, after all… more than being a couple in a relationship, our relationship turned more like mother and son, didn’t it?”
At the very end of your words, you raise your head, laughing. Jihyuk’s face colors to the point that it’s almost violet, and you feel vindictive satisfaction fill you.
“Y/N, you bitch!”
“What,” you scoff. “Did I say something wrong?”
If glares could kill, Jihyuk’s would have long gutted you, but it doesn’t, so you continue to hold your head high, smiling nonchalantly.
His next words make you hiss.
“If you weren’t always so busy, I wouldn’t have to look for someone else. When you came home, you never want to have sex with me, so why is it my fault if I look for someone else, huh!?”
You feel the flames inside you consume you even further, raging inside you and there’s nothing you can do to help relieve yourself of it. Before you know it, you’re stepping forward, arms being raised-
All you want is to make him hurt, like he did you, even if it’s only a fraction of what he’s made you feel. That motherfucker, daring to place the blame on you!?
Hell no.
Hitting him all that matters at the moment- that’s all that runs through your head- but then you suddenly find yourself unable to move, restrained. When you look back, you see Soojin’s face, twisted in worry.
“Soojin,please, let me go!” You hiss furiously, struggling in her hold, trying to get away. Yet, to her credit, Soojin keeps a tight hold on you, not letting you take another step forward. “Are you seriously stopping me from hitting him!? Are you taking his side!?” You ask her in disbelief, even if you know it’s not like that.
“Y/N, I’m not!” Immediately she shakes her head, yet she doesn’t let you go. “But you know you can’t start this here, you-” she bites down on her red lip, shaking her head. “You can’t. Please, you know he’s crazy, what if he hurts you!”
It doesn’t matter, I’m already hurt where it matters most anyway! You want to shout at her, but then you change your mind, glaring at the man you were once stupid enough to call yours.
“If I was ever busy, or tired, I hope you realize that it was always for you! And if I didn’t want to have sex, what did that have to do with you cheating!? Do promises mean nothing to you!? I never asked you for anything more than you being faithful to me, even when you kept asking me for money, even when you lived free at my house, even when you made me into your personal bank and caretaker! You asshole, motherfucker, I hope you rot in hell where cheaters like you belong!”
“Shut up!” He yells back at you, beginning to step forward, and Soojin is dragging you away- but you hold your ground. Let him come, if he wants-
“Shut up!? How can I when I’m not even done yelling about what you did! What, are you ashamed now!?” Only a step away. “How can there be someone as stupid as you who dares to cheat but can’t admit they did!?” His hand raised, curled into a fist. “Not only that, you just took advantage of me because I loved you! You no good, lying, coward-”
You see his punch descending down on you now, yet still you stubbornly look up at him, gritting your teeth. You won’t say sorry, if he wants to punch you, then let him punch you.
Yet still, at the last second, your eyes shut by themselves. You’re angry, yes, you’re furious, but it doesn’t take away the fact that you’re well aware Jihyuk’s stronger, and you’ve never been punched before-
A second passes. You feel nothing. Not the feel of his hand against your face, not the harsh, stinging pain that’d come with it, not the screams of Soojin as she cried.
Two seconds pass. Time is a mere fraction of what it used to be, and yet it’s slowly returning to you as you open your eyes, realizing you were seemingly waiting for nothing at all.
Three seconds pass. Your eyes land on the stranger holding Jihyuk’s wrist with a strong grip, brows furrowed with an intimidating scowl on his face. You step back out of fear.
“I assume, when you came in, you knew the rules of this bar,” the stranger says, voice low, a certain weight behind his every word. “No starting fights. What makes you think you’re an exception to that?”
“Let me go!” Jihyuk hisses, struggling to free his arm from the stranger, yet the other just easily holds him back. “Fuck, you heard what that bitch said about me!?”
“You mean, your ex?” The stranger sighs. “I don’t know if you’re just as stupid as she said you were, if you don’t realize that it’s your fault-”
Whatever he says next, you don’t hear, as you take this advantage to step forward-
-and slap Jihyuk as hard you can.
Your palms immediately sting, but you can’t be bothered to care about that, not when you see the bright red imprint left behind on his face, and the stunned look on his face. Grinning viciously, you hiss at him.
“That’s just a part of the pain you owe me, but considering you’re too dumb to understand something as simple as respect, I’ll just take this as payment.”
“From now on, I want you to fuck off and never appear in front of me again.”
The ringing silence that follows makes you feel like you can finally breathe again.
“… Satisfied?” The unknown man raises a brow at you- and your heart skips a beat for the first time in a while as you swallow, finally calming down a little… It’s loud, crashing, dizzying all at once but you nod at him. Your hands are trembling. You’re about ready to cry but still.
The rest of the words your now ex screams out blur out into the background as Soojin thanks the stranger, leading you away.
The rest of the events happen in what feels to be a flashback you get as you’re taking a sip of beer from the cup leisurely.
The stranger, Jungkook, he had told you his name, was told by your best friend about the problem. He called security, but came first to mediate just in case. After that, he let them take care of Jihyuk. The crowd around you dispersed upon finding out that the scene you had created was over, and Soojin went home after giving you the tightest hug someone had given you in a while now.
Though she tried to persuade you to go home too, you were in obviously no mood to go home- where every inch of the walls was filled with the presence of your- your ex.
It was only after a lot of convincing and reassuring her that you were safe with Jungkook did she leave, her own baby calling for her.
And you stayed at the bar, quietly watching Jungkook work.
During that time, you find out that he’s, overall, a nice guy. He has a cute smile that shows off his teeth perfectly, dark hair that you could imagine him brushing through with his hand, and the cutest, biggest eyes you’ve seen, like a deer caught in the headlights. Adorable.
What surprises you is that he works as a bartender at this place. Which does make sense now that you think about it. But between your dunk mind and slurred words, every little piece of logic is thrown aside.
He had asked if you wanted him to walk you home. You being… well, you, denied almost immediately. Tonight seemed like a good night to get wasted, after all.
“Whatever you say… but you do have the keys to your apartment, right?” the dark-haired man asks, face resting on his hand. He blinks at you under the bright lights of the bar, staring as you take another sip of the alcohol. “Just so your ex doesn’t get in?”
“Of course, I locked it too,” you roll your eyes slightly, glare set on the table below you as you seethe, remembering him. “He’s probably gonna stay at some friend’s place for the night, the jerk. I hope he does, all his friends live miles away. I took the car keys so he can’t drive either, only either walk or take a cab. And considering he barely has any money left…”
You smirk.
A fleeting smile touches on Jungkook’s face as he regards you with awe. “Huh. I guess you put more to your plan than just charging in and breaking up with him, huh?”
“I’m heartbroken, not stupid. It’s an emotional stupidity, not a mental one.”
You huff, once again laying your head back on the cool glass of the table. Fuck, you’re tired. Not just emotionally, but also physically. The night’s events leave you wanting nothing but to stay and drink your sorrows away, uncaring in which bed you’ll be waking up tomorrow.
After all, it’s not like you’ve been to any besides your own for the past few months. Maybe that will bring you some variety at least. The thought makes you laugh bitterly, and in turn down another glass of alcohol.
You hear someone sigh beside you.
“…Right,” he mutters in response, eyes widening shortly after you take another huge gulp of your drink. You suppose, if anything, Jungkook knows how to make delicious drinks. “Don’t drink too much, Y/N, you’re already-” you watch with droopy eyes as he reaches out to you, your head only propped up by your elbow, before stopping with a sigh. “You’re already drunk.”
Ignoring him momentarily, you finish your drink, savoring the taste.
“Sh-shhhuddap,” you slur, the end of your words becoming a sigh. You set the cup aside, only for your head to plop back onto the bar table, a deep breath making your chest rise up- then down. Jungkook frowns at your small figure laying over the bar, the frown forming into a quiet pout.
“Let me… lemme just drink a little bit more, m-m’kay? ’ll jus…jus’ drink ‘nough to not f-feel…”
Whatever words you’re about to say dissolve into incoherent mumblings as you yawn, feeling the effects of numerous glasses of alcohol finally taking their toll on you.
“‘Night, Kook…”
When you wake up, your surroundings are awfully quiet, awfully dark. That is, until you rub your eyes and can see straight. Jungkook’s body comes into view, hand shaking you awake. His low whispers are barely addressed by your ears, and you numb them out until he kneels down to meet eye to eye with you.
Then a sweet smile plays on his lips, and wow.
For a moment, you wonder if this is what heaven feels like.
Then he flicks your forehead, and you’re hurtled back to earth.
“Good, you’re finally awake,” he remarks, smile turning wry on his face. You pout in response, getting up. Your head hurts, it hurts bad, and there seems to be nothing you can do about it as you lean over the bar for support.
“So…urgh, so tired… feeling sick,” you utter beneath your breath, sighing when you realize Jungkook heard it.
“Why’d you even get wasted then? You’ll have to deal with it now,” he frowns, patting your back.
“You don’t get it, dumbass. I’m trying not to remember my ex?” you cross your arms, eyes wandering the place.
The club’s a lot less crowded now, barely any people left except for the ones who are cleaning it up. The music is quieter, playing softly in the background as you turn to Jungkook. Closing time already, you guess.
“… sorry,” you finally say, feeling remorse make space in your heart. “I don’t mean to be so crabby, but fuck, I just feel-” You scrunch up your nose as you try to mull over what you say next. “Actually, I don’t even know what I’m feeling. Except- what the fuck was I thinking, letting it go on for so long?”
Jungkook hums, shrugging. “Everybody makes mistakes, everybody has their own stupid moments. I completely understand.”
“Yeah, and mine lasted for god knows how many years,” you grumble.
For a moment he pauses, and you watch him put away bottles.
“You know, you fell asleep quickly earlier,” he suddenly mentions, making you flush. Ah. Right.
“Oh… yeah, I’m sorry about that,” you sigh. “I must’ve caused you a lot of trouble, having to look after me while you’re also busy with your work.”
“You don’t have to apologize,” he shakes his head. “You just broke up with your boyfriend of how many years again?”
“Besides,” he continues, smiling. “If anything, your performance earlier more than made up for it. His face when you slapped him was hilarious.”
That startles a laugh out of you. “It was, wasn’t it?”
“Yeah,” he agrees. “… You looked amazing then too.”
“Thanks. … to be honest, just a single slap wasn’t enough, so I definitely had to make it count,” you say, scoffing at the end.
“Yeah, I figured,” the hint of laughter in his voice makes even you smile. “You didn’t yell at him enough, huh?”
“Nope,” you emphatically shake your head. “Which is a shame, because let me tell you- I have a whole speech in my head for him and his douche-assery. I didn’t even touch on the other major fuck ups he did!”
At that, he really does laugh, and you can’t help grinning yourself. “No, I mean it! I was hyping myself up all evening, but then when I actually saw him, my head blanked and- damn it, I should have let him have it even more in front of all those people,” you dramatically groan.
A smile forms on Jungkook’s face, even his eyes curved into a pair of crescent moons and somehow, it makes you somehow feel better just by looking at it.
“Well, there’s only the two of us left inside now, but if you want, I’ll listen to your speech,” he nonchalantly states.
“What, really?”
“Really.” He takes a deep breath, turning your body around so you completely face him. “C’mon, shout at me. Vent. I’m the bartender, I’ll listen. Besides, I’m curious to hear how terrible this guy was that you went so far to set him up.”
Reluctantly listening to the alcohol, you sigh before you start listing off all the reasons for why you’ve never felt okay with your relationship with Jihyuk. Jungkook hums and nods along in all the right pauses, quietly telling you to continue.
“… and not just that, he never came home when I needed him most, ghosted me on dates, forgot our anniversary two years in a row, made me break off friendships, never once paid for his own food, never made me cum even once. Like, what a dick!? And I mean the bad kind, not the good one-”
“Wait wait wait…” Jungkook raises a brow, stopping you. “He- He never… made you cum? Not even once?” He stares at you in bewilderment, shaking his head with a smile of disbelief. “He must’ve really had it good,” he crosses his arms.
“I know, right,” you moan. “What was past me thinking? At this point, I don’t think any man will ever treat me right.”
The man shrugs, “I don’t know. Maybe the next one will.”
You feel the urge to laugh at the ridiculous statement, though you hold it back. “You’re kidding, right? I’m never getting a boyfriend ever again,” you huff, shaking your head in disapproval. “Boys, pfft- no, thank you.”
Jungkook only turns his back to you in response, walking to the stools of the bar. He huffs loudly as he sits back down, and you can barely contain your laughter before it bursts out of you, ringing loud in the club. Nudging him by the arm to get his attention, you try your best to turn him around, but when he doesn’t, you move to sit next to him instead, on the bartop. The cool glass makes you initially shiver, but you don’t let it show.
“Did you say something?” You grin as you look at him, at the way he rolls his eyes just a little. “I know I heard you say something.”
“It was nothing,” he scoffs.
“Come on,” you cajole him. “You listened to me earlier and let me rant. I’m not going to laugh or be snarky, I swear.”
A moment passes, while you wait for him to speak up. At this point, the silence of the bar is comfortable, though while you look around, you see that no one else is left inside but the two of you.
“…-y’know?”
You look back at him. “Hm?”
“I think it’s just a little sad to declare that every guy out there is hopeless, because of one jerk,” he repeats, back turned to you as he fiddles with the display case.
You lean back on the bartop. “I guess so,” you say. “But it’s true that it’s disillusioning. I used to have high expectations when the relationship started, you know- but now that I ended it, it’s like- what happened? When did my expectations get so low? I deserve better, you know?”
“But it didn’t seem that way to me then. He seemed so great, so amazing… and now here we are. It scares me a little to think that I might fall for someone, only to find out how much of a jerk they are years down the road.”
“But you’ve got to try again, don’t you?” He softly says. “After all, you said it yourself. You deservebetter.”
At that, he finally faces you - before glancing down and turning away just as quickly.
“Eventually, though,” he clarifies, a faint blush spreading across his cheeks. “I’m not saying you should right now. Just that you shouldn’t give up on love.”
You chuckle softly. “Alright, alright, I get it.”
Quiet fills the room again, a comfortable one. You watch Jungkook clean the last of the bar, wiping the surfaces and glasses.
And as you do, you can’t help but think of something a little too inappropriate.
‘I wonder how it’d feel to ride him.’
Okay, maybe it’s absolutely inappropriate. But it’s not your fault, you tell yourself. Not when Jungkook looks that good. Clad in a neat outfit with a silk black vest and a cute bow tie around his neck, he seemed as though he was a five star meal- and you feel yourself starving.
It really doesn’t help that you haven’t had sex in months, nor have you orgasmed in that time. You need release, one way or another.
Still, it’s bad form to ask him, this kind bartender who literally was just consoling you moments ago from a nasty break up if he wants to fuck, so you try to keep the thought down, but-
You extend your leg, toes barely brushing against his back, watching as he shudders at your touch.
Oh?
You bite your lips to stop yourself from grinning.
“Hey Jungkook… why aren’t you facing me?”
“I-I need to clean up the bar,” he huffs, but you hear the slight stammer in his voice, and oh, does it make you feel even bolder.
“Yeah,” you nonchalantly respond, “but you’d think you could at least try to appear like you’re listening to me, especially when we were having such a good chat.”
“You-” He stops, sighing, and you goad him even further, slowly feeling more sure the longer he hesitates.When he turns around- finally- you laugh as you slide your arms to rest on his shoulders, trapping him in front of you.
Furthermore, you cross your legs, a daring smirk on your face as you lean forward and over him close, close enough that as you look down at him, the tip of your noses brush against each other. The slight tremors that you elicit out of him at this close range doesn’t escape your notice, and you feel a rush of giddiness fill you up.
“You know, you were so insistent earlier, when we talked about what I deserved. But considering my past experiences, that feels a little hard to believe… do you think you can convince me otherwise?” You hum, fluttering your eyelashes at him. To his credit, Jungkook stills for only a moment, onyx eyes staring straight back at you. As if to ask permission, as if to wait for your next move. But you only continue to smile, letting him know you want this, asking him if he wants it.
Just as you think he’ll pull away, he only answers you back with a smirk of his own- and then, you can’t help but be entranced by the sudden, daring gleam in his eyes. Just as your arms are perched on his shoulders, you feel fingers gently trace over the edges of your lips.
“Why don’t you find out?”
You wouldn’t, normally. One night stands aren’t your thing. You rarely give your heart away, and even more your body.
But tonight, staring at the man in front of you, the challenge and interest visible in his eyes, you find yourself wanting to do otherwise.
Maybe I will, you think.
And then you dip down to kiss him.
Immediately, you can taste the hint of mint on his lips, the sweet aftertaste of what seems to be banana milk- it’s strange and surprising, not exactly what you’d think a bartender would taste like. It isn’t something you’ve tasted on someone else before either, but as his tongue glides over your lips, silently asking for permission, you find yourself coming to like the flavor. Especially when he kisses you hard enough to make you feel like you’re drowning.
You whimper in pleasure when you suddenly feel him press his bulge against your core for one moment, breaking the kiss only to groan again as he repeats the gesture, grinding your lower bodies together. You can only hold on to his back as tight as you can, feeling the rising tides of lust slowly pull you under its current. A breathless moan leaves you, echoing loudly in the quiet of the empty bar.
“Got something to say, sweetheart?” Jungkook coos, and the words are soon accompanied by a sharp pain on your neck, something that makes the pleasure taste all the more sweeter in comparison. That doesn’t even take into account his hands, which you now notice to be gliding over your stomach, stopping under your breasts as he fondles them and makes you arch back in pleasure for a moment.
“God, just continue doing that,” You whine out and he pauses to laugh, smirk turning into something softer, but just as wild. “Jungkook,” he corrects you, flicking your nipple and you flinch as a sharp wave of pleasure rushes over you. “Don’t call out anybody else’s name but mine, or I’ll punish you.”
‘How can I think about anybody else when you’re making me feel so good right now?’ You almost tell him that, you want to tell him that, but as Jungkook switches his attention from your collarbones to your breasts, tongue lavishing over each mound equally, you find your thoughts slipping away from you.
You don’t even register that you’re being pushed to lie back until the cold glass makes you jerk - and Jungkook firmly keeps you pinned down, another moan leaving you as you feel his fingers probe against your core. You feel him place butterfly kisses down your legs, the touch light yet the effects tremendous on you as you shiver and tremble from each one.
“We barely started and you’re already this wet, huh,” he grins as he slides a finger up your panty, where your slit would be. Juice already coats his finger well, and even though he only teases you against your panties, you find that you’re sensitive, too sensitive not to feel even more turned on by such a small gesture. “Or were you already wet earlier? What a naughty girl.”
“Fffffuck,” you groan, thrusting against his fingers so that they rub against you harder. “Just slip it in already,” you whimper. “Don’t be a fucking tease.”
“I don’t know, sweetheart,” Jungkook purrs as he flicks your nub, making you clench hard at the frustration and anticipation. It infuriates you even more when you feel his fingers leave your skirt, and he leans away a little. You can clearly see the smirk on his face again, amusement swimming with lust in his eyes. “You weren’t being so nice earlier either. Maybe if you were a good girl, I’d listen.”
At that, you pull yourself up, coming closer to him until you bite his shoulder, leaving marks over his neck as well as you can under the raging pleasure. “Or you can listen now, before I make you regret it.” You roll your hips against his, relishing in the quiet groan that leaves him as the delicious friction threatens to drown you both in pleasure.
Honestly, in the face of Jungkook’s ministrations, you find it’s all too easy to let yourself loose, to wantmore.
You’re surprised when he bends, pushing you back down - and the flash of pain and pleasure on the inner part of your thighs makes you hiss.
“What are you doing?”Jungkook’s answer is light, but the cocky tone is all too evident anyway. “Didn’t you challenge me to make you cum?” Another hickey blooms on your thighs and you whimper as he leaves a trail of them on his way down. “So I’ve made it my mission to make you cum as much as I can tonight.” You feel his nose nudge your panty and you can’t help groaning in anticipation. “Starting with eating you out.”
“You don’t mind, do you?”
“A-Ah, I’ve never been eaten out before,” you stammer, heart beating fast as you can clearly feel his hair brush against your skin. Lust, excitement, and yet also nerves envelop you then.
For some reason, you can’t help but feel a little self conscious. No one, not even your past boyfriends have done this, after all.
Still, Jungkook only chuckles. “How mean. There I was, making you drinks the whole night, but you won’t even let me have a taste of you now that I’m thirsty.” You can’t see him over the skirt you’re wearing- why, again, are you still wearing it- but you can imagine the chiding smile, the mischief in his eyes. Especially when you feel him blow on you down there, making you shudder.
“Look, you’re even overflowing. Bet you’d taste sweeter and better than any wine here.”
With that, your skirt is taken off, and you gasp as you suddenly taste something on your lips. Yet that isn’t the end of it as for some reason, you suck on his fingers, imagining it to be his cock.
Fuck, you taste good.
Just as that thought reaches you, you think- you want to taste him too.
“Can I, sweetheart?” He asks you again. “I’ll make you feel good.” There’s a chuckle in his words, but before he can say anything more, you tug him up.“Wanna taste you too,” you admit, before blushing. Still, you continue. “So get up here.”
“On the bar top? Kinky,” he grins, but follows your instructions. Moving so that your whole body is laid down on the bartop, you hiss as the cool temperature of the glass makes itself known to your thighs. Not for long though- as the warmth of Jungkook’s body envelops you moments later.
In this position, Jungkook’s crotch faces you, and you find your mouth watering over it. Eager hands cup it for a moment, before you pull down the zipper and admire his member.
God, even his dick is pretty.
Long and veined, what it lacked in girth, the slight curve certainly made up for it. You immediately took it into your mouth, moaning around it when you felt him move your panties to the side and immediately dived in.
On Jungkook’s side - he loves it, every single second of it. He loves how he can make you a mess, how he can wreck you, you bucking up your hips to meet him as you suck and moan around his dick. There is something about you that he couldn’t help but be attracted to. He can’t believe your ex had cheated on you. Just from that moment in which you confronted your ex, he could sense that you were far, far more better than any girl he had ever seen.
Moans and whimpers filled the room as you tremble under Jungkook. Every lap of his tongue, sucking on your nub- hell, just the way he moves his tongue inside your walls is enough to make you push your thighs together.
The pleasure inside you only rises higher and higher, making you continuously grind your hips against his face. True, it’s the first time someone’s eaten you out, but all the same you know you wouldn’t cum just from it if the other person wasn’t good enough.
Jungkook aims to go beyond your expectations it seems. In response, you take him in even deeper, slightly gagging on his dick. One hand reaches out to fondle his balls, rolling them over your hand. Soft, pliant in your hold. You squeeze them slightly, and a sense of accomplishment fills you as you feel him physically stutter, thrusting his dick deeper into you. Jungkook is obviously way more experienced though, or perhaps it’s a sense of competitiveness that’s driving him to make sure you come first, because as you feel something inside you continue to tighten - you pant, recognizing the signs of an impending orgasm. A distant part of you is amazed you could reach an orgasm so quickly - the other is very, very pleased.
“I’m… so close,” you say through uneven breaths, chasing your high. His tongue works at an even faster pace, making you cry out in pleasure. Your walls tighten around his finger, and your eyes roll to the back of your head as you feel it. “Then come for me, sweetheart,” you hear him say.
And that does it.
White warmth, inside and out. Your lower body jerks against him, but Jungkook only rides out your orgasm with you, lapping up the juices that gush from you, the messy sounds of slurping and sucking turning you on even more, if that’s possible. You feel feverish, your oversensitive clit being given a little too much attention. What more, the feeling of your body contrasting against the cold surface of the bartop, shivering a little when his finger traces the curves of your body as you continue to feel the last trembles from your orgasm.When
he finally leans back, Jungkook smiles at the glistening digit and licks his fingers clean. You taste even better than he thought. Truly, you’re an angel. Just as he prepares to get off of you, you give one good suck to his dick, making him jerk. For you, you can feel his hard member twitch in your mouth - and it doesn’t take much to figure out that Jungkook himself is close to release. Still, as he lets out a quiet groan, he moves away. You make to protest, but-
The way he quickly moves on top of you, fingers deftly unbuttoning your shirt and grinding his member against your core makes you moan, long and loud.
“I don’t wanna cum just yet,” his voice is distinctively lower now, and something heady rushes through you at the realization that you did that. He hisses when you experimentally roll your hips back against him.
Hunger like you’ve never known spreads across you like a wildfire. You want all of what Jungkook has to offer.
“You ready, sweetheart?” He cooes. “You’ll have to be quiet if I put it in, don’t want anyone else hearing how beautiful you sound when I’m fucking you thoroughly.”
Instead of answering, you meet him up in an eager kiss, your hands spreading across his chest - God, you don’t know when he unbuttoned his shirt, but you’re definitely thankful he did. Otherwise, how could you so clearly feel the muscles on his smooth skin?
And then you feel him enter you and fuck.
If what you felt before was something new, then this was definitely out of this world.
Jungkook’s dick fills you up just perfect, the wetness of your vagina and the slick on his dick makes the slide inside so much smoother, and both of you sigh in pleasure. For a moment, you’re both content to lie like that, just basking in the feeling of being connected to each other.
He himself doesn’t know how to explain it, how you differ from others. Everything you do somehow seems to draw him in, and in this moment- he feels like he could just stay like that forever and be content.
You, on the other hand, feel different.
“Jungkook, please, move already,” you eventually plead. Your body arches up as he pulls out for a moment, before beginning to thrust his hips into you at a fast rate, clearly giving you no mercy. Fuck, how in the hells did you ever think any previous sex you had could compare with this?
It’s easy to lose all coherence in this moment, the overwhelming feeling of bliss making you think of nothing but Jungkook’s dick, and the way he drags it against your walls, teasing you before slamming it inside, drawing out the pleasure and then drowning you in it.
The sound of flesh hitting flesh resounds in the empty room, alongside your mixed groans and whimpers. Jungkook spares you no mercy, and you soon find yourself hurtling towards another orgasm, this one even more intense than the last. It doesn’t help that you feel him leave hickeys over your chest, biting and then soothing them afterwards, sliding his tongue over them. Tears prick your eyes as the pain and the pleasure mix together, making each feeling all the more intense to you.
Fuck, where had he been all your life? You’ve never felt so good in sex- not like this, not with your previous encounters. But right here and right now, you swear that if there’s a god, then Jungkook must have been his favorite, and you were blessed to have been touched by him.
“J-Jungkook, I-I’m coming again-!” Rather than slow down, it seems your words just urge him to fuck you harder, faster, making you sob as another wave of pleasure threatens to drown you under.
“Then come all you want,” he growls, dragging you into a fierce kiss, wanting to taste you- but also to silence you.
“A-Ah!” You scream out, panting, as you ride another wave of orgasm-
The harsh smack on your bottom makes you jerk off the table with a sob. Jungkook hisses as he pulls out, leaving you feeling empty- but not for too long, as you’re turned over, and he shoves his cock back inside your hole. You moan, long and loud in pleasure, before you feel another smack on your bottom.
“What part of ‘keep quiet’ didn’t you understand?” He reprimands you sternly, each word accentuated by a hit on your bottom that makes you jerk, each time. “I told you to be quiet, or we’d both get in trouble. There’s still the club’s bodyguard standing outside. If he heard us, how much do you want to bet he’d come in and see your pretty little body all laid out under me, huh?”
“I-” You try to explain, but end up heaving deep breaths instead as he thrusts his hips particularly hard, leaving you a whimpering mess as you drop your head onto the table again, the ache at the back of our head barely being addressed by your numb mind.
“Youwhat?” He growls, hands snaking forward to pull your head back with your hair- making you groan as he lowers himself right next to your ear. “You what, Y/N? Got nothing to say right now?”
He tsks. “Or maybe him seeing you is what you want. How many hours has it been since we just met, and how you’re gladly taking up my cock in your cunt right now? I guess you’re nothing but a slut.”
“I-I,” You try again, but all that remains in your head is him calling you a slut. The humiliation it draws from you, reddening your cheeks, somehow only serves to make you feel even more aroused. You can’t think of anything else, but how to just push yourself back into Jungkook’s dick because clearly, he is drawing it out and depriving you of what you need!
“What are you, Y/N?” his voice is hoarse as he asks, his dark hair a mess that covers his beautiful face. “…Wanting others to see you looking so pretty for me,” the knot in your stomach tightens as you try to think of a reply, yet nothing comes. Fuck fuck fuck.
“I don’t, I-” you stop. You can’t, you just can’t, if you don’t get what you want right now, you might as well die.
“Disappointing,” he clicks his tongue dismissively, and you feel your eyes burn out of desperation. “And here I thought you’d be good for me?”
“I’m sssssorrryyyy!” You whine out when he won’t let you off, the tears falling down your face now. “I’m a slut! A fucking slut! Your slut,” you cry out. “P-Please, put it back innn!”
“Mm, I still don’t know,” he drawls. “I already warned you to be good earlier, but you just kept on pushing me. And now you clearly disobeyed me. Only good girls, not sluts, get rewards, don’t you think?”
“I’m s-sorry,” you repeat, whimpering. “Please, I can be good, so please-!”
Hands rub your bottom, a slight sting reminding you that he’d already hit you there earlier. Yet somehow all it did was make you even more sensitive to not just the pain, but also heightening the pleasure you felt.
“If you take your punishment obediently, I might let you off,” he suddenly offers. Jungkook’s voice has become sweet again, soft and sticky and coaxing. Not that you need it though, considering he has you in his palms either way.
Not to mention that the thought of the punishment at hand makes your core throb.
You bite your lips, hoping that he doesn’t see how flushed you are. You don’t doubt that you’re dripping down so much on the glass bartop that at this point, that there must be a puddle right below your cunt. But at the thought of what he’s about to do, you feel yourself secreting even more. “Oh?” He chuckles, dragging a finger along your clit. At this point your labia are puffed up, swollen with Jungkook’s relentless attacks on it, but still it doesn’t hide how aroused you are at this moment. All it is is overly sensitive, and still asking for more.
“Seems to me that you like that, huh? I guess I was right. Being good doesn’t suit you at all, slut,” he tsks. “You just wanted to get punished.”
“I-I can take it,” you meekly tell him, shaking your ass a little. At the sight, Jungkook smirks wickedly. “Alright then. I want you to count each strike, sweetheart. And if you lose count, we’ll be starting all over again. … Do you understand that?”
Near the end, you hear Jungkook’s tone soften, and it’s all too easy to hear the way out he’s offering you. You want it, though. “H-How many?”
He pauses, before continuing. “How many do you think you deserve?”
You swallow loudly. “I… I don’t know.” You bite your lips. “I’ve, uh- I’ve never been spanked like this before.”
You feel embarrassment course through your veins for a moment as Jungkook freezes, and you wonder if you should’ve just said a random number-
But then the loud smack of a hand against your ass rings out loud in the room, and you jerk wildly against the bartop, a silent scream in your throat.“Until I say stop, then. That was one already,” Jungkook purrs.
You whimper, but nod along as he starts.
Smack!
“Two!”
Smack!
“T-Three!”!
Smack!
“F-Four,” you whimper.
At each hit of his hand against your ass, you can’t help moaning, louder with each one. Jungkook’s hands are swift, and absolute- no mercy left for you, only his feather-light gentle caresses after each hit making you weep.
At the eight count, you’re absolutely gone, panting, a mess of tears and pain and pleasure and overall just too fucking sensitive. But the sheer amount of thrill and joy that settles in you as Jungkook finally stops is just short of euphoria, and you look up at him, your eyes pleading for his praise and reassurance.
Sure enough, Jungkook doesn’t disappoint.
He slides you off the counter and into his arms, your legs crossed around his, into a long, sweet kiss, swallowing up the sounds that leave your lips, the little whimpers and groans.
“You took your punishment so well,” he compliments you as he pulls back, making you preen. “I suppose you deserve a reward then, don’t you?”
“P-Please,” you plead, rutting your core against his erect cock. It slides against your core all too easily, making you groan. Still, you don’t dare put it inside, waiting for Jungkook’s permission first.
“Since you asked so nicely,” he grins, and-
Jungkook’s kiss swallows up the scream that leaves you as he thrusts back into your hole in one smooth movement, bringing you back into that land of sheer pleasure and lust.
In this position, held up in the air only by his arms, you keenly feel every movement of his cock inside you as he bounces you, forcing you to go up and down repeatedly. You’re almost delirious, your hands no doubt leaving scratch marks on his body as you hold him as tight as you can, feeling everything just too much.
It doesn’t take more than a minute or two to bring you to your third orgasm. It seems that Jungkook himself senses that as well, because the moment you feel it coming, he speeds up his thrusts again, making you scream.
“J-Jungkook!!” You wail out his name as one final jerk of his hips brings you crashing down, bliss enveloping you fully as you almost white out, spasming and losing control of your body for a moment.
When you come to, a second later, you feel him desperately moving in you, but the stuttered way he does so tells you all you need to know.
“W-Where should I cum?” He grits the words out his teeth, and you hiss in pleasure, in over-sensitivity and pain as his member remains inside of you even after you’ve orgasmed for the third time. You’re determined to get him to come as well though, something warm blazing in your chest. You don’t owe favors, and you won’t anymore, so maybe that’s the reason why.
For whatever reason it truly is, though, you tell him with a steady voice. “Just come inside me,” you give him permission. Jungkook groans at that, looking straight at you, as if to ask, are you sure?
You nod, drawing him into a sweet kiss. There’s nothing but elation inside you at this moment.
When you squeeze his member inside your cunt, you moan as you feel him paint your walls white, something hot and warm and sticky filling up your cunt. If your nails didn’t leave marks before, well, they had to by now.
It’s only when you feel it drip out of you that you finally pull back from the kiss.The both of you are panting, visibly exhausted, though you’re pretty sure Jungkook can still run a lap around the club, while you’re all ready to collapse on the floor. Fuck, where does he get all that stamina from?
“I work out at the gym.” The amusement visible in his eyes as he answers you tells you that you probably spoke out loud. Sheesh.
“Yeah, you were.” Jungkook’s chuckle brings your attention back to him, and you blush for the first time since a while now, burying your head in the crook of his shoulder. Honestly, if you tried to move right now, you don’t doubt you’d just lay down on the floor, so you opt to remain in his hold.
That decision definitely wasn’t influenced by how secure you felt in his arms, or how good he smelt, even after you both just had sex.
His chuckles turn into laughter- and you’re only dimly aware of it as he sets you down on a nearby sofa, grabbing a washcloth nearby to start wiping you off.
When you look down at him again- it’s as if he’s seamlessly switched back to the adorable guy you met earlier. Huge, doe eyes and bunny smile on display as he grins happily.
It’s then that you hear the door to the bar being clicked open, and you’re thrown back into reality.
“If you’re done fucking on top of the bar, I think it’d be good if we officially wrap things up around here,” you see a blond man barge through, wearing a poker face despite the words that make even more heat rise up to your cheeks. The connotations of the sentence… you’ll ignore that.
“And I think that included your dick, but okay,” he eyes Jungkook warily. He looks at you for a brief moment, before clicking on his tongue as he shakes his head.
“Anyway, out of this place, both of you, before Seokjin-hyung threatens to kill me again for not being a good enough caretaker.”
“And what exactly were you doing while we were… in here, Yoongi-hyung?” Jungkook raises a brow out of suspicion.
“Sleeping. Now hurry up.”
Peals of laughter escape Jungkook, even as both your cheeks redden at being caught.
“Alright, alright,” Jungkook reassures him, before turning back to you. “Let me just finish up cleaning that mess, and we’ll get you home for real,” he tells you softly. Placing a soft kiss on your forehead, he lays you down to rest.
“Take a quick nap in the meantime, okay?”
Giggling under the blanket of the dark night, you run under the bright stars as the stars reign the heavens above your heads. With Jungkook hand in hand, you experience freedom like you’ve never felt before.
The gentle breeze of the cold wind at 2 am, in perfect contract to the feel of his warm hand enveloping yours is the sweetest sensation, one of accepting, letting go and moving forward.
You swear you’ve never laughed like you do when you dash through the abandoned streets of neighborhoods too hazy for you to remember in detail. His laugh rings in your ears like the song of an angel, a far cry from your own booming on
hi everyone i hope you are well, here’s another list dedicated to my current favourite jungkook fics and the series i’m into, i hope you enjoy and love reading them as much as i did and don’t forget to support the wonderful authors and show them lots of love and appreciation by leaving comments and sharing their work i just know it will make them smile… reminder majority of the fics I rec are nsfw so no minors allowed!!! if you have any of your own recommendations please send them my way i love hearing from you guys ☺
Summary: Jungkook straightens and obnoxiously clears his throat before announcing, “It says and I quote: ‘Loser takes one shot. Sexual favor for two minutes, winner chooses favor,’ Interesting, interesting,” he muses, “‘Three minutes for losing an elimination…’ Wow,” Jungkook chuckles, nudging you with his knee, and you only groan and bow your head, forehead resting atop the unopened Soju bottle. “I mean call me a perfectionist, but I like to play games the way they’re supposed to be played.”
Jungkook doesn’t miss the way you nervously wince. “I just, I-I didn’t know if we… if you… I didn’t want to assume—”
“I still like you, you know,“ Jungkook tells you, “in case I haven’t made that clear.”
Dramatically releasing a teasing sigh, you hip check Jungkook over to his side of the couch before the pair of you sink into the cushions.
“Survivor Drinking Game,” you tell him, placing two shot glasses and several bottles of Soju on the coffee table in front of you. “There are specific rules you HAVE to follow when you play Survivor Drinking Game. I’ve got a list and everything. From ze Internetssss.”
You leave out that you’d played this game repeatedly with a Brazilian boy toy a few years back, hence the well-worn edges and alcohol stains dotting the paper.
“Ok, ok,” Jungkook laughs. “Tell me your list—the rules or whatever.”
“Ok, so!” You’re deliriously excited. “We take a sip every time Jeff Probst says ‘a series of,’ and we take a shot each time he gets sassy with a player.”
Summary — Campus fuck-boy and notorious flirt can’t keep his eyes off you, but you’re unfazed by his remarks. That all changes when he takes it too far at a party and you’ve officially had enough.
Genre —smut (e2l, fuck-boy!jk, nerdy!reader)
Words — 11,292
Warnings—unprotected sex, oral sex (female receiving), tongue fucking, deep dicking, dirty talk, thigh riding, fingering, tongue sucking, breath play, biting, licking, hair pulling, hickeys, jks dad is an asshole, mentions of abuse and alcohol consumption, swearing
Just as you’re convinced your day couldn’t possibly get any worse, an unwelcome student decides to pull up the seat next to you. Out of every other chair in this one-hundred-plus lecture theatre, Jeon Jungkook just has to sit here. He’s the notorious campus fuck-boy, ladies’ man and everything else that comes with looking like that; dark, wavy hair, pretty eyes, and body proportions out of this world. You won’t deny that he’s attractive, but looks like that only cause trouble and you have a squeaky-clean reputation to maintain.
“Morning, gorgeous.” He gazes at your face as he awaits a response, but you decide it’s in your best interest to ignore him.
Huge mistake!
Your silence ignites something in him and he makes it his mission to get some kind of reaction. Anything. Maybe a little smile, a laugh, or even a classic eye-roll.
“Playing hard to get. I like it.”
This is so very like him. If he’s not on the receiving end of attention, he convinces himself that there’s an ulterior motive. Your reasoning; you hate him with your whole mind, body, and soul, and you couldn’t give a flying fuck about his shallow compliments, OR if he’s nearing 6ft, OR if he’s the president of multiple social, theatre, and fitness clubs, AND has the record for the highest number of members in a non-educational club! No, you couldn’t care less!
Out of the handful of ridiculous names he’s given his clubs, one has been titled ‘GAINS’ — Gym and Important Nutrition Society. Classic, right? But, despite the negative feelings you have toward him and everything else he does, other students seem to love him. His toned biceps and thick thighs make a very compelling ‘join us’ statement, too.
In contrast and in the good name of education, you formed a marketing club and handed yourself the president badge. And, ever since then, you’ve been doing your bit as an official influencer to students who actually want to learn something from college.
“I can see your panties, by the way.” He adds and you want to drop dead from humiliation. Scratch that. You want to send a pencil through his eye socket for being such a pervert!
An embarrassed heat threatens to crawl up the side of your neck at his observation. Your skirt isn’t even that short! He’s just a boy with a huge ego, eager eyes and a dirtier mouth. But, to save yourself from further humiliation, you tug the fabric down your thighs and tightly cross your legs until the circulation of blood in your legs becomes a little unbalanced.
“Hey, I wasn’t complaining. You’re hot as hell.” His eyes wander down the length of your bare legs. It’s so obvious that he’s checking you out. He’s practically leaning all the way back in his chair to get a good look. “Even if you wear Hello Kitty panties.”
Pairing: s2l, Doctor!Jungkook x Reader!Travel Blogger
Summary: In Jungkook’s world, stability is key. He knows exactly what is expected of him as head doctor of Seoul’s ER Unit. He eats at the same cafe every Saturday. He spends his free time with the same six guys and watches the same movies so he doesn’t have to stress about the endings. But when an unfortunate collision lands him at your bedside in his own ER unit, his stable world starts to shift.
“You’re boring,” huffs Jin, sinking lower into the booth across from Jungkook.
“I’m comfortable,” Jungkook corrects, not bothering to defend himself more than necessary, especially since he hadn’t invited Jin along in the first place. But every Saturday since the day you disappeared into thin air, Jin had insisted on accompanying Jungkook to his regular cafe. Jin had tried to play off his sudden interest in Jungkook’s Saturdays on hunger at the start.
“I’m thinking about becoming a foodie,” Jin had whined then. “So I need to try new things! See new places! Experience new flavors!”
Jungkook had rolled his eyes and let Jin jump in his car without another complaint. However, that was six months ago, and even today, with his grumbling over Jungkook’s “boring” food choices, he shows no sign of leaving Jungkook in peace.
Pairing: s2l, Doctor!Jungkook x Reader!Travel Blogger
Summary: In Jungkook’s world, stability is key. He knows exactly what is expected of him as head doctor of Seoul’s ER Unit. He eats at the same cafe every Saturday. He spends his free time with the same six guys and watches the same movies so he doesn’t have to stress about the endings. But when an unfortunate collision lands him at your bedside in his own ER unit, his stable world starts to shift.
“You’re boring,” huffs Jin, sinking lower into the booth across from Jungkook.
“I’m comfortable,” Jungkook corrects, not bothering to defend himself more than necessary, especially since he hadn’t invited Jin along in the first place. But every Saturday since the day you disappeared into thin air, Jin had insisted on accompanying Jungkook to his regular cafe. Jin had tried to play off his sudden interest in Jungkook’s Saturdays on hunger at the start.
“I’m thinking about becoming a foodie,” Jin had whined then. “So I need to try new things! See new places! Experience new flavors!”
Jungkook had rolled his eyes and let Jin jump in his car without another complaint. However, that was six months ago, and even today, with his grumbling over Jungkook’s “boring” food choices, he shows no sign of leaving Jungkook in peace.
people say your bestfriend's rival is your rival too. But what if you fall for your rival.
✿Pairing:Jungkook × female reader, Jimin × best friend reader
✿Genre : enemies to lovers, stranger au, personal assistant au, manager au, mutual au.
✿Summary : always seen him around your mutual friend, but one day you noticed the known face. Everyone find you so interesting that they always want to be your best friend, yet you never find anyone close to your heart. Jimin your so called bestfriend gone through the worse break up but instead of caring him you fall for his rival. You never thought of liking someone who would beat your bestfriend, but you fall for Jungkook there. Unfortunately, Jungkook became your personal assistant who hated you the most for supporting Jimin. What if Jungkook also wants you back?
✿warnings : fluff, strong languages, reader is a psychopath, angst, anxiety, anxiousness, double faced, bullying, overthinking, mean people, Jimin here is the meanest, ignoring, explicit, smut, fake friends, manager and personal assistant au, mutual friend, swearing, filled with flirty lines, rival, lovey dovey, break up, makeout, humiliation, oneshot, texting.
❥Author’s note : here’s my gift for Kook. Specially this fanfiction is dedicated to Jungkook’s twenty fourth birthday. Don’t be a silent reader, if you liked it then tell me that. I’ll be more than happy hearing that. If anybody wants to get tag then leave an ask or text me.
(◍•ᴗ•◍)✧*。 (◍•ᴗ•◍)✧*。 (◍•ᴗ•◍)✧*。
“You work here?” Jungkook smirked.
“Yes, Mr. Jeon. As you’re my assistant now, I’ll teach what you have to do.” You weirdly smiled.
“I’m not your assistant first of all. It’s for my dad sake. Or I would never have to work here.” Jungkook arrogantly said.
“It’s okay Mr. Jeon. But I have to abide by my managing rules.” You said.
“What’s with Mr. Jeon? Don’t you know me?” Jungkook asked smirkingly.
“Do I?” You asked.
“Dude, you’re Bora’s as well as that little brat Jimin’s bestfriend. I clearly have seen you hundreds of times. Don’t deny that you never have seen me.” Jungkook smirked devilishly.
“Sorry, Mr. Jeon. But I’m at my work place. No perosnal talks please.” You hesitantly said. You felt like a large piece of stone got off from your heart. You never want to talk to him about your personal matters or it would go real wrong.
➬ Summary | When your countdown appeared on your wrist right on the morning of your eighteenth birthday, you had thought that perhaps the universe was on your side, especially since the final seconds were already ticking so soon. You just never expected to have your first meeting with your soulmate to be the day when you had to let him go. But hope was not lost when you still found love without the bond, and Jungkook showed you that it was possible to find happiness beyond the system that was written for you. Except that the universe doesn’t seem to have enough of its game, when your past sacrifice comes back hitting you straight in the face, just when you had believed that you had written off the perfect ending to your bittersweet tale.
↳ Pairings | Jungkook x reader / Namjoon x reader
↳ Genre | Soulmate!au, Second Chances!au, Angst, Eventual Smut
➥ Ratings & Warnings | +18 / M for Mature; mentions of alcohol consumptions/hangover, implied/depiction of a one-night-stand, possible infidelity, implied smut, sexual tension.
Jungkook can sense it even before he opens his eyes. Even the fog that seems to fill the crevices in his head can do nothing to stop him from noticing how foreign everything around him feels.
The warmth enveloping him.
The soft touch of sheets under his palms.
The thick, plushy pillows where his head seems to be resting on.
The feminine scent of perfume that seems to be wafting through the air around him, gently breezing past him like delicate hands teasing on his skin.
As he slowly finds the strength to open his eyes and force himself to wake up, Jungkook’s eyes flutter open to the warm morning sun greeting him from the open windows. As he stretches out his sore limbs, little by little, the remaining haze of his sleep is lifted, and he stops moving as he is immediately met with an astounding sight of his surroundings. His eyes grow wide the moment he realises that he has indeed fallen asleep in a completely different bedroom, lying on a different bed, with windows on the opposite side of the walls that are nearly twice as big as the ones that he has been looking out of since he had gotten on this island. He looks around, and everything that he is seeing officially confirms that he had not been sleeping in Yugyeom’s room.
His heartbeat begins to race in a state of panic, not knowing where he is. And while he rarely ever had any experience of waking up with a hangover or having any piece of his memory missing after spending the night out drinking, Jungkook quickly finds that he has no clear idea of what had truly happened last night. The last thing he remembers is sitting at the bar with Tasha, the one person he would have never expected to meet in such a place.
They haven’t met each other even once after their first and last encounter at Bovine months ago, yet it certainly felt as if they had been old friends the moment they started to talk to each other. Last night, they spent hours sharing drinks, exchanging stories, and laughing at the things they found astounding from any topic that they brought up while admiring the serenity that they found from spilling their thoughts about the universe and the lives of all human beings who are living in it.
Sitting up on the bed, Jungkook finds himself still wearing last night’s clothes. The faint headache that has come up when he was trying to move easily fades as he leans back against the headrest, though he still feels as if his entire energy has been depleted after all that drinking last night that he refuses to make any other move despite the urge to investigate further to find out where he is.
Letting his head fall back, he closes his eyes, trying to regain his memory and figure out just how he had gotten here. It is then when he hears someone knocking at the door. He barely has the chance to open his eyes or to even respond when the door opens and the slow movement happening at the door catches his attention.
“Knock, knock.”
Jungkook quickly turns to the doorway, blinking rapidly when he finds Tasha standing there while leaning against the door frame. Wearing simple clothing—a plain white T-shirt over a pair of pastel-coloured leggings, which is a complete contrast to the dress that she had worn last night—she looks refreshed, ready to start the day. And she also looks completely unaffected by the drinks that she had last night.
Jungkook’s eyes fall on her exposed wrist. The sight of the purple hydrangea tattoo appearing on her skin reminds him of the conversation that they both had last night. His eyes are still on her wrist when she raises her hand, lifting the mug that she has been carrying with her to cover the bright smile showing on her face. Her eyes seem to glint under the sunlight, clearly looking amused at what she is seeing, and her eyebrows are raised as she watches Jungkook silently trying to piece everything together. The frown he is wearing on his face clearly shows just how much he is struggling to do so.
“Wake up, sleepyhead. Don’t you even think about going back to sleep now,” Tasha greets him, finally snapping him out of it.
“What—” Jungkook straightens up further and glances around. “What happened last night? Is this your place? How did I get here?”
Instead of answering him, Tasha merely smiles at him. “Why don’t you freshen up first and then we’ll talk over breakfast? Or coffee? Do you drink coffee?” Jungkook absently nods while still looking like a lost puppy, so Tasha simply continues to talk. “Go take a shower. The bathroom is over there,” she says, pointing at the door on the other side of the room which seems to be leading to the ensuite bathroom. “I’ll have everything ready and have someone fetch you some fresh clothes to change into once you’re done.”
Jungkook opens his mouth to respond, but misses his chance to say anything when Tasha has already slipped away from the door when he turns to find her again. Deciding that he wouldn’t be getting any answers by staying put on the bed that feels almost too comfortable for him to lie on, he rushes towards the bathroom to freshen up, taking his time with it until he can finally find some clarity.
Even if he still can’t remember a few things from last night which had led him to end up in Tasha’s place. And in her bed, nonetheless.
He finds the clothes just as promised when he finally steps out of the bathroom, all prepared for him on the bed. The dark-coloured shirt and pants seem to fit him suspiciously well, but he chooses not to think much about it as he walks out of the bedroom. On his way to find Tasha, Jungkook looks around and soon finds that he is in a loft that looks like a part of the resort where he had been spending his night, judging from the familiar view of the beach and the ocean that he can see through the windows. He follows the scent of brewing coffee to find Tasha getting busy in the kitchen, surprising him as he sees her cooking on the stove herself instead of having her staff do it for her.
“Go take a seat. I’ll be ready in a minute,” she calls out to him while moving fluently around the kitchen, fetching him the coffee that she had made like a pro. “I have no idea what kind of coffee you’re into so I made a light one. I’ve put some extra cream on the side if you want some more.”
Jungkook takes the mug filled with coffee and turns away, deciding to take a look around rather than sitting idly by as he feels too restless to do so when he has a ton of questions running inside his head. He finds the living room looking homey and comfortable, a sign that she has been using this place quite often as her personal living space. He walks past the large-sized television hanging on one wall before stopping in front of a drawer nearby where he finds a few framed pictures being placed on display.
Looking at them makes his chest grow tight. He sucks a deep breath to ease the pain, though it seems too hard for him to do so when he only remembers how this setup reminds him too much of what he has back home—how you have decorated his living room in a similar way, with a low drawer full of trinkets holding various framed pictures on top that documented his entire life together with you.
Shaking his head, Jungkook focuses back on the pictures in front of him and starts to look closer into them. Most of them seem to have been taken while Tasha was travelling to different places as they are showing Tasha posing in various locations—either somewhere in South Korea or abroad—while some others are showing images of her with her family and friends. Then he stops as he finds a wedding photo placed near the center. The picture is showing a man wearing his wedding suit while smiling broadly with his arm wrapped around a younger woman who appears to be his bride pressed onto his left side. On his right, held under his other arm is Tasha, who is smiling warmly into the frame while she keeps her hand on the man’s chest as she stands politely close to him.
“Is this your family? I don’t recall you ever telling me that you have a brother,” he starts asking before he can stop himself. For a moment, he gets nothing but silence, until Tasha’s voice comes startling him once she has moved to stand next to him.
“That’s because I don’t. I’m an only child,” she says.
“Then, who are these people?”
Reaching out to pick up the photo, Tasha releases a soft sigh. “Oh, he’s my soulmate. But he’s married to someone else,” she easily says to him, catching him by surprise that he snaps his head to look at her with wide eyes, only to see her smiling back. “That’s his wife on his left. The photo was taken on their wedding day.”
Seeing that Jungkook is left too stunned to speak, Tasha softly laughs and places the framed photo back in its previous place before wrapping her hands around his arm to pull him away. “You’re in shock. I get it. Why don’t we sit down, have some breakfast and coffee so we can get rid of that hangover of yours while we talk? I’ll tell you everything about them.”
“You’re being too quiet.”
Jungkook looks up from his second cup of coffee—light, a bit sweeter and with extra cream, just like how she had suggested for him to take since she only makes strong ones—and returns Tasha’s gaze.
“You can probably see that I’m still trying to wrap my head around everything,” he says to her after a beat of silence and once he realises that he had barely touched his meal despite feeling the hunger ever since he woke up earlier. With a sigh, Jungkook decides to be honest and share what he has been thinking. “I have so many questions that I don’t know just where to start.”
Tasha nods and places her own mug of coffee down on the table. “Well, I can begin by telling you that nothing happened between us after we finished our last drink. You were drunk, not to the point that you blacked out because of it, but enough to make it hard for me to drag you home. I had Hyuk, the bartender, helping me to carry you out of the place safely, but then you refused to go home. You kept telling me that your friend wouldn’t be home and you refused to tell me his address, so I figured it would have been easier for me to drag you here instead since we’re only a few floors down.”
Jungkook has suspected this but still grimaces as he imagines the chaos that he had created. “I’m sorry for causing you so much trouble.”
Tasha waves her hand. “Oh, it’s fine. I already got something good out of it, at least. Consider us even,” she says to him with a wink and an elated smile taking over her face, while Jungkook’s face feels warm when he remembers seeing the aforementioned bartender from last night walking out of another bedroom merely moments before Jungkook sat down at the dining table. The man looked freshly showered and was refusing to join breakfast, saying that he needed to get back to work before his boss would scold him for slacking off. Though the man didn’t leave before kissing Tasha right on the lips one last time and promising to return for the night once he is off the clock and if she ever needs his company.
Jungkook has no idea how to feel about knowing that his new female friend was having a fling coming by while he was passed out right next door. But the bartender didn’t seem to mind it, nor did he seem to care about Jungkook’s presence in the room at all, and Tasha did apologise for taking the chance to have fun while he was out of it. At least the revelation had allowed him to breathe a sigh of relief, as it had confirmed everything that Tasha had just told him, that he truly hadn’t done anything stupid while he was crazy drunk.
Jungkook turns his gaze around the room to find the photo that he had found earlier, placed right at the spot where it would be visible even from the distance. “You and your soulmate—” he begins to question her. “What happened between you?”
Tasha raises her pretty eyebrows before her eyes find the very same photo that had caught Jungkook’s attention. A deep sigh slips out of her, though there is nothing more but affection and longing in her eyes when she thinks about the past. “I met Wooyoung in freshman year. He’s much older than I am and was already graduating then. We met during a joint event held between the university that I was studying in and the neighbouring university he was still enrolled in. It was a huge shock for us both when we met, to say the least, one that I had expected, with my timer running out before I stumbled into his path. I don’t really think either of us had been fully prepared for it either, so neither of us knew how to react. And then I found out that he had fallen in love with his childhood best friend who was also present at the time. They had been dating for years already.”
Tasha stops for a moment, taking a deep breath as she recalls the past. There is a faraway look in her eyes. Though, to Jungkook’s surprise, she looks more amused than hurt as she remembers what happened.
“Things were rough right after. Wooyoung and I tried to work things out and figure out how to handle things. You have probably guessed it, but the soulmate bond came to us so strong that it was hard for us to ignore it. But then, soon enough, we both realised that the only reason we were both attracted to each other was onlybecause of the soulmate bond while his first love would always remain to have a special place in his heart,” she slowly adds, smiling softly as the memory returns to her. “We sat down together after we figured it out—the three of us—and had a long talk about our future. They told me about her soulmate, how she had found out on her eighteenth birthday that she had lost him before ever meeting him the moment she saw that her mark appeared immediately after her timer ran out and once the cursive letter showed up on her skin, writing in red ink—”
Jungkook flinches and starts to brush his fingers absentmindedly on his own wrist as he remembers his own experience with his soulmate mark. He still remembers that morning as if it had only happened a short while ago. How he witnessed the numbers appearing on his skin, how his breath stilled when he saw how fast the timer had counted down to zero, and how the purple petals bloomed right after, before his soulmate’s initials began to write themselves in red cursive letters. He clenches his hands when he imagines that traumatic event happening to someone else. Someone like the bride in the photo that Tasha has kept between the other memorabilia gracing her home, who he had seen smiling so prettily and kindly to the camera with her eyes glowing in unshed tears of happiness.
When he looks up again, he finds Tasha staring back at him with a knowing look in her eyes, as if she knows exactly where his mind has been wandering to. “Yes, just like yours,” she whispers, nodding at his wrist. “At first, Wooyoung only wanted to stay beside her to support her, to help her deal with her heartbreak and help her get through until she could learn to love someone else. But love bloomed between them during that time. Before they even knew it, they were slowly building their future together. Until the day I came barrelling into their lives. Literally.”
Tasha softly laughs as she describes how she had crossed Wooyoung’s path at the campus festival, how she had tripped and nearly fall before he caught her, the perfect portrayal of how she came into their lives without any warning. Jungkook smiles as he listens to her story before a frown comes to his face. “It must have been rough on you to witness that.”
Smiling softly at him, Tasha simply lifts her shoulders. “It was, at first. But I got over it when I saw how much they were completely in love with each other,” she says, surprising Jungkook further when he sees the deep love in her eyes as she talks about her soulmate and his wife together. “There was never a place for me in their lives, other than what I’ve earned for helping them.”
“I don’t understand,” Jungkook murmurs, tilting his head.
With a sly grin on her face, Tasha leans closer to whisper as if she is sharing a big secret and someone else would be listening in. “You see, I helped them get married,” she says, and her grin grows wider as Jungkook’s eyes widen in shock. “They wanted to elope when their families were against them getting together. Especially when Wooyoung’s family found out by chance that I was his actual soulmate. So I pretended to steal him away from his lover, when in reality, I was flying them both off to one of the resorts that my Dad’s company was partnered with in Fiji so they could get married there. Of course, I had to come with them as an alibi for my absence and to act as their witness.”
“Why?” Jungkook gasps. “Why would you do that?” he questions her, though deep down, he can already guess what her reasoning might be.
Tasha leans back with a low chuckle. “I already told you once, didn’t I? I’m a sucker for romance. I love the whole idea of love, and to the idea of shoving your middle finger to the universe to show them that they are not always right and they don’t always get to decide who we fall in love with,” she says, laughing softly as if she is picturing herself doing it, to put her hand up and show her middle finger to the sky and to the universe that had tried to play around with her fate. “It also helped that Wooyoung was a complete stranger to me at the time and the bond only made me look at him more like an older brother than a possible lover once we got close to each other.”
Jungkook falls silent for a moment. “What did your family think? Your father?”
As he mentions her father, Tasha releases a deep sigh. “My Dad was a tough one to crack, but he was the first person to understand. I’ve always been a Daddy’s girl, being the only child he had ever gotten from his marriage with my Mom. He had wanted to have a son for a long time, but had initially come to love me just the same. As I was his only baby, he did get worried, at first. But I managed to convince him that it was my choice, and by choosing to help the one I was intended to be with to be together with the love of his life, I had somehow proven to him that I was someone who knew my priorities well and that I would know how to take care of the people I came to care about. Just exactly the kind of person he needed to inherit his entire business empire.”
Tasha smiles to herself as she recalls the events happening then, when she remembers how she had defied her own family. “He gave in after I promised that I would make it up by working my ass off to help him with the family business and to never shut away from any possibilities of finding my own life partner who would be good to me in the future once I’m ready for it.”
Once again, Jungkook is silent as he slowly lets everything that Tasha had just shared with him to sink in. Slowly sipping on his coffee, he begins to compare Tasha’s past to his current life. “Is that why you’ve been helping me? The reason why you took me home? Have you been planning to tell me all of this all along?”
Tasha smiles at him. “I took you home because it was what friends do to make sure the person they’re with is safe for the night. But yes, I did have a purpose for taking you with me and I have a reason for telling you all of this. I just want you to see that there is always another way. Another path to choose. We always have that choice, no matter what the world is making us believe when it comes to the silly soulmate system. It’s only a matter of whether or not we are brave enough to take it,” she slowly explains, before leaning closer once again. “I know what you’re doing. You’re giving them space to figure things out, aren’t you? That’s why you’re here instead of staying back there with her while she’s figuring things out.”
Swallowing hard, Jungkook admits how on point her words are and he can only nod to answer, earning a warm, knowing look from Tasha before she explains further, “That’s exactly what Wooyoung’s wife did for us too. She took a step back after she found out that I was his true soulmate, giving him the chance to embrace the universe’s gift—her own words.” Tasha lifts her hands and makes a gesture to depict quotation marks while laughing.
”But, instead of pushing us to be together, the time we had spent together had only helped open our eyes to see just how deep the love that they had truly was when he couldn’t find himself feeling the same deep love for me as what he had already felt for her.”
Leaning back, Jungkook takes a deep breath while taking it all in. Once again, he compares his own situation with hers, placing himself in the shoes of Wooyoung’s wife and thinking back to the reason why he is hiding all the way in Jeju, realising that he is doing the same thing as she did while you are experiencing what Tasha had gone through in the past. He was sure that taking himself out of the equation would help you figure things out and decide what would be best for you without him getting in the way. Except he is no longer sure if staying away for this long had been the best decision for himself and for everyone involved, when no matter how much he had wanted to make sure that you would be able to find your happiness, there is also a bigger part inside him that still insists to fight for you, to believe the words that you had told him about proving just how strong the bond between the two of you would be compared to what the universe keeps forcing on you.
If he wants to be honest, he has been feeling this way for quite a while. Maybe even since day one, when he was standing in Yugyeom’s studio apartment and feeling out of place and lost without you. But he just kept refusing to admit it, denying what his heart had wanted, all because he had also known that he wouldn’t be able to take his words and actions back after what he had done to you on the day he left.
Shaking his head, he accepts his fault for making such rash decisions and he regrets ever ignoring the voice inside his head that had kept telling him to stay and fight with you. Drawing a deep breath, he looks at Tasha and questions her, “How are you so open to this? How can you be so—”
“Amenable? Flexible? Carefree? Wild?” Tasha begins to fill in when he is unable to find the right word to describe her and her actions.
Jungkook grins. “Bold. Forward-thinking. And yes, easygoing, and also for being so open-minded and daring, even when it comes to believing in something that no other people had the courage to put their faith into.”
Tasha laughs softly before looking at him with a sharp look in her gaze. “Because I believe that there are far more important things out there beyond the silly soulmate system that had been created for us,” Tasha says as she pours more coffee into her empty mug, then does the same to fill Jungkook’s while she keeps talking. “It’s not like I don’t truly respect the soulmate system. But, I mean—sure, it sounds promising and completely hard to resist to have the entire universe making sure that we won’t have any problem finding someone to build our entire lives with. It truly is a gift that fates have it in them to make sure that we wouldn’t be alone in this world. It sounds like the perfect way to live knowing that there is someone out there made for us to love and to have our happiness written down for us since we were born into this world, don’t you think?”
“But—?”
“But—” Tasha grins. “Would it really be better and more real compared to the kind of love that we find for ourselves, the one that we would be willing to sacrifice everything for? If the universe can have a choice to play around with our fate—” she stops to give a pointed look on Jungkook’s wrist before continuing, “—then why can’t we have our choice to decide who to fall in love with?”
Jungkook blinks rapidly. All of a sudden, his chest feels tight and heavy when her words seem to strike him deep in his chest.
Because she is right.
And he feels like a fool for forgetting the fact that he had once believed the same thing as well.
All this time, he had always known that he has everything that anyone could have asked for and that he had found it with you. The kind of love that runs so deep that he feels his chest flutter each time he thinks about you. The love that has grown so deep that it becomes the reason why his heart is still beating at this very moment and why he has been hurting ever since the day he walked away. At first, he had truly believed that it would be best for him to step aside, just so you could embrace the gift that the universe is giving you. The gift that he had lost.
But walking away had only made him feel the pain that he has never felt before. Being away from you had only been complete torture. It makes him feel like he is dying inside, how the distance has slowly been chopping up his soul, taking it piece by broken piece that he no longer knows if he would have anything left of himself once the whole ordeal is over.
Once again, as if knowing where his mind is wandering off to, Tasha reaches out to grab his hand and gently says, “What you have with your girlfriend is real. Never doubt that part. I saw it with my own two eyes and I know exactly what I saw then when you were together. Why did you think I made all the effort of helping you with your surprise proposal if not because I believed in the love you had for each other?”
Shaking his head, Jungkook chuckles softly. “You’re right. You really did help me—a lot. And you didn’t even know what my situation was like back then, did you?”
Letting his hand go, she shrugs lightly and confesses, “I may not have seen it back then to know that you were not each other’s true soulmate, but I could sense something special going on between you. Something that was stronger than the soulmate connection that the entire world has been selling us. Call it a hunch from someone who had been there once.”
Jungkook bites his lips as he takes his time to think things over, before curiosity gets the best of him when he wonders how Tasha could be so strong and brave while he has been feeling so powerless against his own ordeal. “Have you ever felt—afraid, for defying fate? You’ve fought against them when you let your soulmate go so he could be with the one he loves, and now you’re trying to help me be together with the only person I’ve ever loved.”
With a light chuckle, Tasha gently shakes her head. “Have I been afraid of doing something so out of the ordinary and to defy the force that would be strong enough to ruin our entire lives under its will? Absolutely,” she admits to him before giving him a smug grin. “But it’s still not enough to make me stop doing it. I’ve always loved watching people chase the love that they choose, to fight for their happiness and get what they deserve. If I have the will and power to do something to help make it happen, I would do so with everything I have, knowing that it makes me feel happy by helping others feel the same thing. It gives me a sense of freedom that could heal my soul. And if that means that I’d be forever fighting against Fate to allow myself to feel this way, then I’ll do it over and over again.”
Jungkook looks down as he thinks deeply about her words, silently wondering if he would ever be able to be just as strong as she does. For the first time, after the day he came to find out that Namjoon was your soulmate, crushing every hope he had ever kept in his mind about having you in his life, he begins to find that missing sparks of hope blooming in his chest. Suddenly, the good faith that he had about his love for you returns full force after he had kept it dormant for the sake of giving you the chance to have what you had once wanted.
Now that the feeling has come back to him, the determination to fight against the universe and to get you back grows stronger. Though it doesn’t stop him from questioning himself—
Can he actually do it?
He keeps asking himself this as he thinks about fighting for his love and rebuilding the life that he has with you once again, no matter what it would cost him. But then he remembers how he had walked out and stepped away from you when you had insisted to make him stay so that you could fight alongside him to prove your love. He thinks about the past week that he was gone, knowing that the soulmate bond would have pulled you to Namjoon in his absence, leaving him to wonder—
Would it be too late for him to return home now and claim you back?
That same morning, you wake up in the same guest bedroom that you have been staying in, feeling so tired and broken.
You had kept the room dark, choosing to keep the lights off and keeping the curtains closed even when the dawn has long broken and the warm sunlight is forcing itself to come in. You cannot remember when you had fallen asleep, as you had found it hard to do so with your mind wandering all over the place while waves of emotions kept rushing through you all night to make you feel restless. The mixture of guilt, sadness, and hope, all collided into one before they all turned into despair before you were finally dragged into the darkness of your slumber only in your exhaustion.
Whatever glint of hope that you felt last night after receiving the call from Jungkook’s brother has now been replaced by self-condemnation and trepidation which keep intensifying each time the events from last night return to you. With a long exhale of sigh, you close your eyes, letting the memory replay itself in your head despite your wish to erase them and forget that they ever happened at all.
“It’s okay. Just give in. I’ll be here to hold you.”
Those were the words that Namjoon had whispered to you after he laid you down on his bed. It was obvious that he could see your fear when you were second-guessing yourself and while you were still trying to make sense of what was going on, and it was clear that he had noticed it as well when the bond between you took its form, as it gave its final effort of putting you both together.
But it was you who had pulled him down to you, and you had been the one giving him the kiss that should have sealed the deal.
You had come so close, just a step away from cementing your bond for eternity and severing the bond that you had built in your old life. You had already crossed the line merely seconds before, the remaining waves of your pleasure were still surging through you to remind you of it and your body was still calling for him. Yet, the moment you took in his scent, breathing in the warmth that was engulfing you in his embrace, something else inside you was shifting, and it was slowly winning, taking control to pull you out of the blinding haze.
And just then, the moment you closed your eyes, you realised that it was not his face that came into your mind. It wasn’t his voice nor his touch that your soul was searching for, and it snapped something inside you which slowly took away the fog that had clouded your sanity.
“Let it in. Let me in, baby. I know that deep down, you already know that this is so right.”
Those were the words that had compelled you into giving in to the bond and the sparks that had been building up between you all night. But right at that moment, as your soul began to cry out for another and started breaking apart inside you, everything about it felt so wrong.
With a sharp gasp, you gently pushed him away, breaking the kiss before it could have the chance to go further. Your heartbeat was still pacing rapidly in your chest, though each thrum was meant for a different reason, and the ache that came barrelling over you had nothing to do with him nor his presence. You had refused to open your eyes just then, unwilling to see the pain of your rejection reflecting in his eyes, something that you had no doubt would find after giving him such hope with what you had allowed to transpire.
And you simply refused to see reality, to know that the person holding you was not the one who you had truly wanted to be there and to have your heart broken once again knowing that he was not there.
But then a gentle brush of a finger on your cheek urged you to open your eyes, and you were surprised that instead of looking at you with disappointment and rage, Namjoon was staring at you with a warm, knowing smile plastered on his gorgeous face. It had taken you a moment and another wipe of his fingers on your face to realise that you had been crying, and that had been the reason he knew what was going on.
That your heart and soul had finally found their resolve to fight against the invisible force that had been taking control over you, and not even the soulmate bond could drown what your heart had truly desired.
And the one that your heart had been calling for was not him.
“I’m so sorry,” you had pleaded with him once reality hit you until your chest grew so tight you could barely breathe. You felt mortified, lost, and disgusted with yourself for allowing things to continue, and for ever giving him hope. And for coming so close to doing something more to severe what you had been trying to protect.
“Sshh—” Namjoon whispered to you, and you blinked your eyes to find him still smiling warmly, his gaze still filled with an understanding look instead of despair or disgust. “It’s okay, baby. I know.”
His gentle words had only made you cry louder, sending you into a sobbing mess as you fell apart beneath him. “I want him back.”
With a sigh, Namjoon continued to brush away your tears. “I know, baby. And he will come back to you. Even if he won’t, I’ll be the one dragging his ass back for making you cry every single night that he was gone.”
“This is—” you choked between your sobs and in the realisation that he had known how often you had cried yourself to sleep for missing Jungkook. You looked away from him, blinking away your tears so that you would be able to speak to him more clearly. Realising how vulnerable and exposed you were the moment the blissful fog faded from your mind, you pulled back and wrapped your arms around yourself, trying your best to cover your body from his eyes. “This shouldn’t have happened. None of this. I’m so sorry for allowing this to—”
“It had to happen,” Namjoon said, tipping your chin up just when you tried to hide from him. He made you look into his eyes, to be able to see that the same fog that had muddled his conscience had also faded from him and that he was able to think more logically now so he could calm you down. “We have both been focusing on the bond—with me who was feeling it for the first time and with you who kept fighting it—until it became the only thing we both felt above everything else. We had to let it happen so that we could open our eyes and see beyond that pull once it fades.”
Despite knowing that his words had been right, the way he said it to you still drew a bitter chuckle to come out of you. “Are you going to talk me out into believing that this was just one of those ‘getting it out of our system’ moments?”
“No, it’s nothing like that.” Namjoon gave you a sad smile before shrugging. “Maybe a little, but more like—” he stopped with a sigh, then reached out to grab a blanket from the other side of the bed which he then used to cover your bareness, wrapping it tightly around your body as if he wanted to keep your warm while protecting you from his roaming gaze. And he did it while he kept on talking, “—allowing yourself to see what your heart is asking for instead of what your body and mind is telling you to do.”
Keeping the blanket wrapped tightly around you, you kept your eyes low as Namjoon shifted away to find his pants and started putting them back on. “I’m so confused,” you whispered weakly to yourself, though it didn’t stop Namjoon from hearing them.
Lying beside you, Namjoon pulled you up until you were resting on his pillows, tucked nicely right next to him where he made you feel safe. “It’s okay to be confused. I know that you are. Honestly, I am too,” he gently said to you with a reassuring smile, one that didn’t truly reach his eyes. “But we’ll figure it out in the morning. I don’t think it would be wise to try and solve everything tonight, after what had just happened.”
You had taken that moment to ponder over his words, to wonder if you could truly believe everything that he was telling you. There was hope for a change simmering within you. Hope for a chance to reclaim the life that you had with the man that you truly loved. And yet the feeling fell short when you remembered how powerless you had been to stop things from carrying on, and how you had put yourself in this position despite your determination to wait for Jungkook’s return.
Namjoon must have felt your worries when he gently pulled you to him. His touch bared no lust when he held you to him, and his smile only offered to give you comfort as he laid down next to you, staying close to offer you his warmth and his company while you were shivering in your uncertainty.
“Stay with me tonight. I promised to hold you, didn’t I? Let me take care of you, _______,”
For the last time.
Those were the words that had been left unspoken, the words that had only made you feel even more guilty, knowing that you had been the one to cause the pain reflecting in his eyes when he pulled you into his arms for one last time, only to keep you safe in his hold until he was supposed to let you go.
Your chest still feels heavy when you take a look around the room. You try to ignore the feeling, however, and focus on making sure that you have everything packed with you and that you wouldn’t be leaving anything behind as you make your leave.
Once you are sure that you are completely ready to step away from this room once and for all, holding your travel bag in one hand and your purse in the other, you realise that you have never felt more resolved than ever, when you finally know what to do next.
Just a week ago, you had walked into this penthouse while feeling lost, dazed and confused from having two strong forces pulling you in two different directions. If only you had known then where to look, perhaps you wouldn’t have found your way here and things might have ended differently.
Much, much different than how things have turned out to be so far.
But you also know that you might have ended up living without knowing the answers to a lot of questions, haunted by the need to wonder about all the what-ifs and what could have been without ever knowing the truth. Without truly knowing what your soul has been searching for.
“You’re ready to leave?”
Namjoon appears in your path just as you walk out the door of your former bedroom. Looking just as weary as you are, he stares at you silently, not looking too shocked to see you packed and ready to go. His eyes fall on the bag you are carrying and his gaze softens for realising what is currently happening.
“I think it’s time. I’ve overstayed my welcome,” is the only thing you can say to him. You look at him a while longer, even if you have no clear idea what you are trying to find. To your reprieve, the pain that you had briefly seen in his eyes last night is no longer present, though you can also feel him putting up a wall when he straightens his shoulders and pushes his hands into his pocket.
Namjoon lowers his head as he smiles, and it is then when you can see a glimpse of remorse and pain flickering on his face, though you see no trace of them when he looks up at you again, all of his emotions are masked underneath the warm smile that he is giving you. Taking a deep inhale of breath, you realise how much it pains you to know that he is hiding his true feelings from you. The fact that he is masking his pain for your sake feels so wrong, but you also know that there is nothing that you can do about it. Not anymore, as you have made your choice and it had been some of the choices that you had made which had put the invisible strain that he is carrying and fighting so hard to hide. Once again, your guilt pinches at your heart, and you want nothing more than to fix things for him.
If only you know how to do it without sacrificing your soul.
Knowing that you no longer have the right to mess with his emotions, you do the only next best thing you know what to do.
“For what it’s worth, I did enjoy my time here with you and I’m grateful that we had a chance to see things clearly before moving on. I guess this way, at least, we’ll be leaving no place for all the questions and the what-ifs,” you calmly say to him, silently hoping that your words will not only be holding some truth in them for yous, but for him as well.
For years, despite thinking and believing that you had somehow moved on from his rejection, you have always known that deep down, you still had questions about what had happened. There had been times when you were up at night wondering about all the possibilities that had come from all the unknowing, while having no answers to help you find some peace in your heart to could actually heal you from your heartbreak.
You only realise now that have never once had the chance to find closure after his past rejection. Until now.
“Thank you for opening your doors for me and for allowing me to stay here. It’s been—” you softly laugh as you try to think of the perfect way to truly illustrate what you feel. “—quite a ride,” you finally say with a low chuckle, and you are pleased that it draws a smile from him too. With a sigh, you carefully add, “But I certainly won’t forget everything that we have shared for the past week, how much you have helped me and the friendship that we have built together. Thank you for your patience and for being so kind to me despite everything.”
Nodding his head, Namjoon seems to come to terms with the situation. Because the moment you find his gaze again, there is a glimpse of relief showing from his eyes. “You know that you’ll always be welcome here. My door will always be open for you whenever you need a place to run to,” he says with a smile, before quickly adding while jokingly, “But I truly hope that you won’t be needing it again so soon.”
Both of you smile and laugh at what he just said, and then his expression changes when he asks you, “I take it you’ve found out where he is?”
“Yes, his brother called me. He’s trying to see if he can help me get to Jungkook,” you reveal to him with a sigh, and you suddenly feel your chest grow tight as you recall the phone call that you had last night with Jungkook’s brother, how he had told you that a friend of his had informed him that she had met Jungkook and was watching over him for the time being.
The call had left you feeling restless, when your relief of finally getting some news of Jungkook’s whereabouts was trampled by your guilt. Though it didn’t stop you from feeling determined to get to him as fast as you can once you had slept on your raw emotions and after you woke up with a clear mind. You still have no idea how Jungkook would react if he ever finds out what you had done with Namjoon, but you would do everything to earn another chance to win him back, and you would do anything to be with the man that you love. You are even ready to spend your entire life making it up to him, as long as he gives you the chance to.
“I can help you with that. Just say the word,” Namjoon offers you, and it almost makes you laugh at the bitter fact that despite the disappointment that he must have been feeling because of you, Namjoon still wants to give a hand to help. Knowing him, there is no doubt that he is genuine with his offer.
With a wry smile, you shake your head. “You’ve done a lot for me already. But thanks for the offer,” you tell him then, looking straight into his eyes right after as you say to him, “I hope everything will go well with you in the future.”
Sighing in defeat, Namjoon gives you a smile and nods. “And for you too.”
Nodding at him, you give him one last smile before walking around him to make your way to the front door. You try your best not to tense up and to keep your chin up as you walk past him, but then he turns and calls your name gently when you are merely a few steps away from the door, his voice stopping you in your tracks.
“Would it have been possible for us to be together back then without feeling like crap?” he suddenly asks you before you even turn around to see what he is up to. Once you look over your shoulder, Namjoon lifts his shoulder in a simple shrug.
“I’m only asking before that’s what I’m feeling right now. It feels like crap because it made me happy that you were here, that I had a chance to spend time with you, to get to know you better, and for me to—” he stops and swallows hard, taking his time to find his words as he looks at you. “I loved being with you, and I know now that we would’ve been good together. But it makes me feel bad that we would have to sacrifice someone else to do so, if we ever choose to go down that route. But I also can’t help to wonder if things would have been the same as what we had this past week if I hadn’t acted like a coward and we had gotten together the way we were supposed to.”
Turning in your heels to get a better look at him, you can only shake your head. “I honestly have no good answer for that since I don’t know what would have happened if things had gone differently between us,” you regretful tell him then, stopping a moment to ponder the thought before speaking again.
“But, you know what? We could have. Maybe we would have fallen madly in love with each other once we gave each other a chance, or maybe we would have grown apart because we haven’t become the people we were meant to be if we had met then,” you say to him with a smile. “And yes, we would have been perfect for each other to the point that we’d make everyone else around us sick at how perfect we are together. But then again, sometimes things just don’t work that way. Not even if the universe had designed it to be.”
You turn to face him completely. If you are going to be absolutely honest with him, then perhaps it would be best to give him the honest truth, giving both of you the final closure that you have both needed to have for years. “That night, when I saw you in that room, I immediately fell for you so hard that it felt like my heart was trampled into pieces for believing that you wouldn’t be mine.”
Your confession seems to surprise him. Namjoon’s eyes grow wide for a brief moment before he smiles and nods at you. “I guess that’s the answer to everything,” he says, confusing you further when he suddenly seems like he has found his own resolve.
“What do you mean?”
When your gaze meets his once again, you find nothing more but clarity glowing in his eyes. “You loved me. You might even still love me now,” he says, giving you the kind of smile that no longer carries his remorse or the pain of having to let go of a huge part of his life that had been written for him. The only thing he shows you when he looks at you is relief, a sense of contentment and acceptance when he says, “But you are not in love with me.”
You flinch a little at this, and he must have caught it, because he immediately adds before you can speak in return, “And that is okay, because what you have is bigger than what we would have ever had since it is something that you have chosen for yourself, not something that had been chosen for you. You and I both know that you have always deserved to have more than that.”
Keeping your eyes on him, you know without any further explanation that he was talking about the soulmate bond, how he can see that you can have something more, just as long as you reach out for it.
For some reason, his words give you comfort. And then your mind wanders briefly to the past, to the younger version of his who had once held so much confidence and belief that he would be more superior than the soulmate bond and whatever fate was planning for him. “You said so then too, remember?” you question him while picturing the image of him standing in the kitchen area in some random fraternity house that you had never once walked into, drunkenly talking about his big dreams in front of his friends and his pretty girlfriend. “Somewhere between your words of rejection and your defiance against the soulmate bond, you had believed in it too. You had said then, in your own words, that there had to be something else beyond this soulmate system that had been designed for us. Something bigger, stronger, and perhaps it would matter more than what the universe wants us to find.”
There is a glint of something new in his eyes—is it pride? Acknowledgement? Or perhaps an understanding that he shares the same idea—when he nods. “And you have found it,” he says with a calm voice.
“I’m sorry,” you start to apologise, only to have him shaking his head.
“You don’t apologise for love,” he says, once again sighing in defeat, before he lifts his chin up. “I do, apologise, however, for not being worthy enough to hold on to you and to fight for us.”
You smile at him. “You are worthy, Namjoon,” you gently tell him.
And you mean it.
But you have given your heart and soul to another, and you are willing to fight to be with that person to the very end of your long journey.
Mr Choi-PA: Mr. Jeon has departed. We got him on the last flight of the day departing for Seoul
Tasha: Good. Thank you, Mr. Choi.
Tasha: You’re free for the night. I have nowhere else to go so I might just return to the loft once I’m done here
Mr Choi-PA: Yes, Ma’am.
Mr Choi-PA: I will be on standby at 7.30 AM to pick you up tomorrow for the meeting with Mr. Lee
With a smile on her face, Tasha types down a few more words of gratitude to send out to her driver and personal assistant before slipping the cellphone back into her purse. The elevator ride ends just then and the door opens to the rooftop bar. The same bar where she had spent hours drinking and sharing life stories with Jungkook just the night before.
After spending most of the day helping Jungkook plan out his return to Seoul, Tasha had joined her father who had come to supervise the resort while she sent Jungkook away with her driver taking care of business for her as he went back to his friend’s place to pack up his things and say goodbye. She is exhausted, drained from being a martyr as she helped a friend defy the century-old system that had been controlling all human beings in their chances of love and from spending the rest of the day going around the resort to deal with its management issues until late.
She feels so drained that there is nothing she wants to do more than to simply return to her loft and lie down in bed. Perhaps she could catch up with some sleep, taking back all the hours that she had lost from having her impulsive runt with Hyuk yesterday night.
But on her way back, she felt the sudden urge to have a nightcap before bed. Only that the idea of having one back in her loft while she is alone at home had sounded so sad. She felt the need to be in the crowd for some reason, even if it is only for the sake of drowning her thoughts with the loud sounds of people chattering and live music playing on the stage, which had been the reason why she made her way back up here before she would retreat for the night.
The bar counter doesn’t seem as crowded as the night before, and she finds no problem in finding an empty seat where she could settle herself into. She looks around, finding Hyuk being too busy tending the VIP guests on the other side of the floor to notice her, so she turns to call out the new bartender servicing the guests tonight to get her fill.
“Martini. Dry,” she immediately orders her usual.
“Do you want to open a tab tonight, Ms. Lee?”
She quickly shakes her head. “No, I’m just having this one before I go.”
One drink to celebrate yet another love story being written in history.
As she takes slow sips of her drink, savouring it instead of downing it so she could find a moment to relax, Tasha pulls out her phone, scrolling down the messages that she had been receiving all afternoon. A smile comes to her face when she comes across the last message that she had exchanged with Wooyoung, when he had let her know that he would be flying in with his wife next weekend for a short vacation while asking if they could meet. She feels excited as she imagines telling Wooyoung and his wife the story of Jungkook and his quest to find love, as the three of them had grown close after their saga that many years ago.
She suddenly feels the urge to laugh when she thinks about how her relationship with her soulmate had evolved over the years. How they have grown to have a sibling-like relationship since then. Even his wife has become a part of it, all because they still care about each other despite everything that had transpired between them.
She continues scrolling, stopping on the message that she had sent to Jungkook’s brother last night after watching Hyuk drop Jungkook in the guest bedroom back at her loft. It had been a relief that she had taken her time to exchange numbers with some of the family members who had attended the dinner party at Bovine that night a few months back, making it possible for her to send the news to Jungkook’s family before she would make sure to convince him to return.
Placing the phone back in her purse, Tasha tries to enjoy the moment, though she cannot help but let her mind wander off to Jungkook one last time. She is not the kind of person who enjoys meddling in someone else’s business. She had almost ignored the voice in her head that kept telling her to make an exception this time when she saw Jungkook last night at the bar.
Just like what she had told Jungkook this morning, Tasha has always been someone who adores romance. She may have never once truly experienced true love, yet she still loves the concept of love itself, and she still yearns for it just like how everyone else would wait for their own happy endings. That was the reason why she had taken it a stride when Wooyoung confessed to her for having someone that he had already loved before they met and how she agreed to stay with them as they tried to figure things out until the day they officially wed.
It was also the reason why she had felt such a strong pull in her soul to help Jungkook. And now that she had done what was needed, she cannot help but feel pleased with herself for listening to that inner voice of hers, to know that despite whatever the outcome might be, it was truly worth it when she saw the determination in Jungkook’s eyes when he told her that he was ready to return to Seoul to get back to you.
Lifting her glass of drink, she looks closely at the glowing liquid as she murmurs softly to no one in particular, “Isn’t love such a funny thing?”
“I’m sorry?”
A deep voice suddenly speaks to her. She snaps up and looks over to the man sitting beside her, who had, no doubt, heard what she had just said and is now looking at her curiously.
Tasha falls silent for a moment, astounded by the sight of the gorgeous man and the fact that he is looking straight into her eyes. Already well trained to regain her composure, she covers her stumble and shock with an easy laugh. “Oh, it’s nothing. I was just thinking out loud.”
The man laughs with her. “I do that all the time too, mostly when the music is loud like this and you can’t hear your own thoughts,” he says, pointing at the live band playing on the stage across the room. Tasha follows his gaze before turning back to him.
“You’re not enjoying the band?”
“Oh, I’m enjoying the music. It’s just…loud,” he says, chuckling at himself. And Tasha is surprised to find just how comforting his voice is when he does that. “But I honestly don’t mind it. I just got out of a different kind of party and this is the scene that I needed.”
“Another party?” she asks, raising her pretty eyebrows curiously. She finally takes a look closer at him then, scanning his looks—from the folded tuxedo jacket that he has hung on the back of his seat, the folded sleeves of his shirt, the bowtie that has been left hanging loose on his collar—
“Let’s see…Nice tux, sleek hair, must have been a fancy one. And something proper. I’m guessing it was a wedding?”
He raises his eyebrows, looking surprised. Judging from the way he laughs while looking astonished, she knows that she has hit the jackpot even before she confirms it himself. “You’re mighty observant. How did you know?”
Acting coy about it, Tasha lightly shrugs. “I work with people. I manage things to make sure that I can keep people entertained, so I’ve learned to read them to know how I could please them and fulfil their needs,” she says, stopping when she sees him making a curious face at her comment. It takes her a moment to realise that he might have taken it the wrong way.
With a chuckle, she waves her hand at him. “Oh no, darling. Not that kind of work. No offence to the ladies who work in that field, though,” she says, still giggling at his reaction, thinking of how adorable he looks whenever he is confused or lost. “I work in management, and I manage places where people would go to when they need to wind down and have fun. This bar, for example, is just one of them.”
The man nods, exhaling a soft chuckle as he says, “Ah, gotcha,” before he finally introduces himself as Matthew. Matthew Kim, a freelance developer who has been staying at a different resort on the island for the past couple of nights for the wedding he attended. She keeps repeating his name in her head for some reason, even as she gives him hers.
“So, what’s with the drinks?” she asks him curiously once she remembers that the resort did host a simple wedding reception at one of its open courts which isn’t supposed to end yet. “Did they not serve you enough alcohol at the party?” Even if she had called it a night and had vowed to not spare her mind in anything related to work, she cannot help but to start compartmentalising, trying to take notes to see if there is something that her staff might be missing out on.
Tossing his drink down his throat, Matthew laughs and shakes his head in return. “No, no, I’m just here to celebrate. I couldn’t do it properly earlier when I had too many eyes on me,” he says while raising his glass to her. “It was my soulmate’s wedding, after all.”
Her world immediately stops. “Your…soulmate?”
Matthew orders another round of drinks for the two of them while any plan that she has made about ending the night short simply vanishes into the back of her mind when he begins sharing his story. How he met his soulmate during high school reunion—she was an old schoolmate of his who had moved out to the States back in high school, before they ever had the chance to realise they were soulmates—and how their reunion had happened too late—for she had fallen in love with someone else while he had claimed himself married to his job and current lifestyle—and how he had found that there was no need for them to change everything when the bond between them could never change their feelings for each other, since they had only considered each other as friends. Unlike Tasha’s or Jungkook’s case, Matthew simply stepped aside to let his soulmate continue on with her life, without him, and he had chosen to accept her invitat
in a sea of unfamiliar faces, jimin’s face stood out like you were meant to see him, like you were supposed to feel your heart stop in place with how his smile made you feel when you introduced yourself or how he hold onto that smile while shaking your hand as slowly as he could just to tease you, and it didn’t take long for him to occupy a part of your heart.
well, at least as your best friend.
“i really don’t get it” jimin whines as he wipes down the counter, you look up from typing away on your computer with a slight frown and tilt your head at his annoyed expression.
“get what?” you sip the hot chocolate that jimin graciously made for you the second you stepped into the bakery he worked at.
“i don’t get what is happening with jungkook and that girl” you turn back to see jungkook sharing a strawberry shortcake with a girl and they had huge smiles on their faces, both of them positively glowing as sunlight hit them in all the right places.
you could feel the lovey-dovey atmosphere around them all the way from where you’re sitting and it was cute, kind of cute, you grimaced a little because you were never a romance enthusiast.
or maybe you were just as bitter as jimin.
but you’re better at hiding it than he is.
“they seem to like each other, why are you so mad about that?” you scoff while masking your own not-so-nice feelings with a glare, and see jimin huff out a long breath, getting even more annoyed when you point out his obvious unnecessary reaction.
“they met like a week ago” you raised your eyebrows at the bitter tone in his voice.
“okay, so what about that? they like each other and things look good, who put a stick up your ass?” you chuckled a little and went back to typing, jimin lightly threw the cloth on the counter and you shake your head at his dramatic action.
“it’s not about that, i’m stuck doing all the work because jungkook is in love with someone he met a week ago, i shouldn’t have pushed him to her.” he scolded himself for being so encouraging to jungkook but deep down, he knows that’s not the reason at all.
“is it really that or you’re just jealous because you didn’t get laid this past week?” you quipped with pursed lips and jimin threw a glare your way causing you to laugh.
“you can just say you’re jealous, you don’t have to be a bitch about jungkook finally getting with someone” you shrugged, and jimin rubbed his forehead.
“listen, i’m not jealous, i just, can you at least listen to me?” jimin whined exasperatedly when you ignored him and continued typing, you slightly paused, nodding distractedly, holding a hand up to signal that it will take a minute and jimin huffs as he steps away.
“why do i even try with you?” he pouts deeply and you almost give in, wanting to shut your laptop right then and give him your undivided attention but you hold yourself back.
“don’t be so fucking dramatic, give me a minute and i’m all yours” you mumbled while rolling your eyes, finally finishing your assignment and saving it with a relieved sigh, now you were free for the weekend and you didn’t have to worry about your professor breathing down your neck to finish your work, you look up with a small smile to see jimin staring at you with an unreadable expression.
“what’s up? why are you being so pissy?” you crossed your arms over your chest and stared pointedly at him, jimin suddenly looks shy, nervous even which has you concerned for your usually very confident and charismatic friend.
“i feel like i should be doing that too, you know?” he narrowed his eyes as he tried to explain what exactly he was feeling and it only made you feel more confused.
“….sharing a strawberry shortcake with someone?” you asked with an incredulous expression and jimin resisted the urge to hit you on top of your head, thank goodness he liked you.
“no, what the hell? not that. i want to be like that” he gestured towards jungkook and the girl who were now completely obvious to the rest of the world, it’s like they were floating in their own bubble built with joy and security, any person in the room would be able to tell that they were witnessing love blooming right in front of them.
you’re not sure if jimin is jealous or just being a bitter old man about young love, but you knew you were jealous.
you want that too, a bubble of your own that you build carefully and steadily till no one can break it, you wanted to experience love too.
it’s only when jimin starts talking again that you lean back in to hear him, not fully listening to him but listening to him enough to not lose track of the conversation or to get out of your mind weaving its imaginations.
“i’m not jealous, i’m more than happy for our jungkook but there’s a little part of me that also wants to sit in front of the sun, completely lost in the person sitting opposite to me, i want that feeling of acting like there’s only us in the room and everyone else is just air” jimin speaks whimsically, like there was magic twirling in his words, he had a charming smile on his face as he narrated what the love of his dreams would be like.
“so, being in love?” you mutter and trail off, not paying attention to the curious look that grazes your face as you think about how love must feel like, it had to be an out of this world feeling, right? that is why people go so crazy over it. it’s the feeling many great authors have tried to explain, while they have given a peek to what love is, even the greatest couldn’t define it fully.
you don’t believe in romance however, you don’t believe you’ll ever get to build the bubble you want, you accepted that maybe one day, you might fall in love but romance might never show up in your life, because you’re simply not ready for the vulnerability that comes with the rushing strands of romance.
and you’re so lost in yourself, you miss the way jimin stops thinking and looks at you with a smaller, but softer smile on his face, the smile that no one knows about, not even you.
“yeah, being in love.” it’s after he says these words with so much warmth that you snap fully out of whatever daze you went in.
because jimin sounds serious and he’s only serious about a handful of things, one of them being sales at the chanel store, you’re not kidding, you can’t even count all the times he’s dragged you there during black fridays, and by now, even the staff know him by name, another thing he is serious about is relationships, not just romantic ones, but friends and family, he takes them all very seriously, he’s always telling you that without effort, any relationship would collapse which is why we should take care of ourself and the people around us.
“why?” you can’t help but ask, like sure it looks and sounds lovely to be with someone you care about, but why is jimin so suddenly interested in it?
“i’m just sick of seeing it all around me and not experiencing it myself, like even in the movies we watch or the songs we listen to, it’s all people seem to want, i’m just, i think i’m curious to see if it’s as beautiful as everyone describes it” you can relate to that, you’ve switched more than a few movies or songs because they got too cheesy or you just wanted to avoid something that seemed so far away to you.
“what if it hurts?” you ask, looking down at your fingers as you fiddle with them, waiting for his answer and he shrugs.
“then i get hurt” you finally look at him, mostly out of shock, because he can’t be this casual about getting his heart broken one day but jimin looks determined, to experience it, to live it, to be in love, you haven’t seen jimin this sure in a long time.
something about his simple answer nags you, maybe it’s just that easy, you just get hurt, you move on, you find someone else but deep down, you know that if you’re going to love, you’re only going to love one person and you’re going to do it right then or maybe you’re just a coward who doesn’t want to hurt someone or get hurt.
“well, you’ll get there one day” you look away from his intense gaze and pretend to keep working on something in your laptop, refusing to spare him anymore glances and out of your periphery, you can see jimin eye you one last time before sighing heavily and going back to stand at the till.
-
you don’t talk about it ever again, you even change the topic every time jimin brings it up, you know that he’s getting suspicious but you can’t help it, all that talk about love or finding your fit, made your mind cloudy, you had a lot of thoughts about it and none of them seemed like your thoughts, almost like borrowed thoughts from people around you to form an idea of love that you’re not sure you believe in.
you’re young, you shouldn’t be worrying about this and jimin shouldn’t either but here you are, two idiots aimlessly looking for love that has never presented itself in their lives before.
it has, but it’s not like you two have a clue.
you watch from where you sit in the cafeteria with narrowed eyes, jimin, who said he would be back in five minutes and it’s been twenty minutes now, is surrounded with people, the jocks, the nerds, other stereotypical people from different social groups, and he’s happily in the center of it all with an easy smile on his face.
it’s like he glows with attention, he glows with his charisma to be able to talk to anyone without wanting to run away, a power you both want and never want to be blessed with because even if you’re not all about being around people, it would be nice to hold a conversation with just about anyone, but jimin clearly doesn’t mind as he says something that has everyone around him laughing while clutching their stomachs.
for a second, you want to grab him and pull him with you so he can make you laugh like that because you don’t necessarily enjoy other people’s attention, but you don’t move an inch, you just clasp your eyes shut and slam your head on the table in front of you.
you shouldn’t think too much about this, it’s just jimin, he’s always loved being around people and you’ve never felt this urge to have all his attention to yourself but here you are, one bad move away from dragging him back to your table.
you are desperate for someone who’s already close to you and naturally, gives you a lot of attention, and you feel pathetic for thinking this way.
this isn’t like you.
you’ve never wanted jimin beside you so badly, and you aren’t sure about what you’ll talk about if he’s beside you, you’re just hoping he will carry the conversation like he usually does.
you feel a tap on your table making you look up to see namjoon staring at you unsurely.
yeah, slamming your head on a table in a room full of people probably will raise some questions about your sanity.
namjoon and you have a very casual but deep friendship, you don’t know how to explain it, but if jimin left your side at a party, you definitely would go look for namjoon to get drunk with and talk about anything in the world, he’s very open to any topic and you’re more than happy to indulge in his bright and unique mind.
“you okay?” he asks you with raised eyebrows and you nod sheepishly.
you’re just peachy.
he didn’t look like he believed you but he let it slide.
“then hopefully i will see you at the party tonight, we can pick up on that documentary about whales again?” he tilts his head, this is why you love talking with him, drunk or sober, he makes what seem like the most boring topics in the world into things that you want to be invested in, though he is much more fun when he’s drunk, and normally, you would throw finger guns and excitedly tell him yes but you already have something planned.
“movie night with jimin, so probably no, sorry joon, but i’ll come to the library in a bit, i need to pick up some books, you’ll be there, right?” he shrugs like it’s obvious he will be there because he does volunteer to work there from time to time and he leaves after that, and you’re all by yourself again.
not for too long though.
“namjoon hyung left already? i was about to come over and say hi” jimin’s voice makes you jump in your place and when he sits down beside you, you feel the all too familiar feeling of relief at his voice and presence flood through you as you exhale deeply.
jimin doesn’t notice your eyes travel across his face, taking him in like it was the first time you saw him and starts eating from the tray in front of him.
friends are allowed to admire each other, right?
“yeah, he just wanted to ask about today’s party, speaking of which, we’re still on for movie night, right?” you nudged jimin from stuffing his face with the day-old cafeteria food, he looks up with a frown, mouth smothered with red sauce and gulping down hard.
how attractive.
“i didn’t tell you?”
“tell me what?”
he furrowed his eyebrows deeper, trying to remember if he told you about his random date tonight and once he comes to the realization that he indeed didn’t tell you, he freezes.
movie nights.
they really are nothing special, it’s not like you do anything besides watch some action or animation movie while eating the greasiest foods, it’s the one-day jimin and you refuse to diet or be careful with your body, and most movie nights end with you drunk and asleep on the couch.
movie nights came to existence when your girlfriend in first year dumped you and you went crying to jimin’s dorm because you didn’t know who else you could go to, jimin knew all along that she was going to dump you at some point, he had warned you even that it was only a matter of time before you end up hurt, and considering the playful nature of your friendship, you expected him to drop the ‘i told you so’ line but instead, he scanned you with concerned eyes and silently put on the funniest movie he could think of.
boss baby.
and within seconds, maybe it was because of how much warmth jimin held in his eyes as he dried your tears and patted your head with a careful ‘don’t cry, not when you’re with me’ or maybe it was just because boss baby (tied with big hero 6, tangled and soul) was the best animated movie ever made, but you forgot.
you forgot about your girlfriend who you really did like a lot, you had a lot in common with her, and it was the first time you were dating after coming out as bisexual, it felt good, and even if you felt like you could really fall for her, you knew something was missing with you two and you even feel grateful that you didn’t have to cut her off, she did that for you.
but that day, you felt with jimin what you didn’t feel with your girlfriend.
safe.
you felt safe with jimin.
so yeah, nothing special.
nothing special about the way you looked at jimin that night and the tight feeling in your chest that you’ve been carrying since that day.
“date tonight, i won’t be coming over for movie night, i really thought i told you” you couldn’t hide your disappointment at his words, you really were looking forward to watching movies and eating junk tonight, especially with jimin, but you quickly masked it with a huge grin.
“don’t even worry about it, go and have fun, i’m sure it will go well, i will probably just watch something and eat ice cream anyway” you said with as much fake enthusiasm as you could and you almost felt like he didn’t believe you but he flashed you an equally wide grin and nodded happily.
“i hope it goes well too, i like him, he’s in my sociology class and he seemed pretty cool, we’ll see” he winks at you and he always does that, you usually just wink back at him but today, you want to bury your head in your plate of mashed potatoes to hide your flushed face. you cough and look away from him, picking your food with the dull plastic fork and your reaction confuses jimin a little, but he shrugs and continues stuffing his face.
-
“are these all the books you need?” namjoon scans the small stack of books on the counter he’s sat at and you bob your head as you sit across him, cheek leaning on your open palm.
“wait, where’s jimin? you two are usually always together” that line stings more than it should, yeah you and jimin are always together but you feel weird when someone else says it, like fuck it, you get around a lot by your own too, you don’t need jimin for everything.
“he’s preparing for a date with a cute guy from his sociology class” you mumbled with obvious disappointment and maybe even some fury laced in your voice and namjoon’s mouth forms an ‘o’ at your words.
“so, he ditched your movie night?” he states plainly and lifts his hands in surrender when you glare at him.
“he didn’t ditch me, he’s just having a date, that’s fine, i’m happy that at least one of us is having fun” your words might not be that alarming but the look on your face is, you look bitter, and like you’re ready to rip a head off and namjoon doesn’t want that to be his head so he coughs with wide eyes and returns to setting your books aside.
“what’s up with you? anything interesting?” you distractedly question as your gaze travels across the pretty empty library, it’s always this empty and namjoon is secretly grateful because he doesn’t necessarily like being around people just like you, so he enjoys the quiet and peace that the library offers.
“a little bit, i met someone in the park near han river the other day” namjoon says with a gentle grin on his face and you immediately perk up, leaning in with raised eyebrows.
“tell me everything” you whisper dramatically and namjoon lets out a laugh at your serious tone.
“there’s nothing to tell but i feel like there will be if..” he trailed off and you leaned in even more, trying to catch any details he throws at you.
“there will be if you come to the party tonight” he concludes with a sly grin on his face and you smirk, namjoon was smart, but you knew he wasn’t all that confident in the dating game so whatever was happening with him and this person he’s met, has to be something special and it’s not like you have a movie night anymore, so you return his sly grin and happily hop out of the library.
-
standing in the middle of a full room with a tight dress on with heels instead of booty shorts in your room isn’t your ideal night but you have to say, it’s not horrible so far, you’ve seen familiar faces, managed to greet and maintain a small conversation without wanting the floor to pull you in, more than a few of them asked where jimin was and it took everything in you to not visibly be annoyed.
you came here to distract yourself from him and even here, your conversations are flooded with mentions of him, you step away from everyone while nursing your peach infused drink which definitely has alcohol in it with wandering eyes, trying to find namjoon in this mess, praying to find him quickly because you will throw a chair if one more person asks about jimin.
“where the fuck is he?” you angrily type away on your phone, trying to spam him to catch his attention just in case his phone is in his pocket in this loud room and your heart leaps out of your chest when someone takes your wrist and starts walking ahead.
“sorry, you looked lost and i need to get out of here as soon as i can” namjoon yells from in front of you and you’re so glad that it’s him and not some random asshole trying to harass you.
once you’re both in the quieter area of the room, namjoon lets your wrist go with an apology and lets you know that he’s going to be back with drinks and you’re alone again.
you feel nothing but bored as you watch people bump and grind against each other, it’s only when your eyes catch jungkook’s tall figure in the room that you almost lift your hand to wave but looking at his hand holding hands with the same person you saw in the bakery, you decided against it because they looked pretty cozy and engrossed in their own conversation, it just looked like a delicate scene even in the rowdy room and you didn’t want to ruin it.
“okay vodka shots for you and beer for me”
“you know me so well.” you feign being flattered and namjoon laughs at you,
“that i do” namjoon mutters, his tongue poking out a little as he carefully tries to place the glasses on your table and you stifle a laugh when he manages to spill an entire shot on the table with a red face and cheeky smile.
“at least you didn’t spill all of them” you mused as you grabbed a glass for yourself and namjoon playfully nudged your shoulder.
“that was one time.”
“one time but it still happened kim namjoon.” you teased and he rolled his eyes at you but still clinked your glass with his and you quickly held your hands up, gesturing him to wait, namjoon waits patiently with his glass still in the air.
“what happened near han river?” you wiggle your eyebrows at him and you think you’re kidding yourself when you see namjoon blush a little.
“i met someone, and i only know their name, but i feel this kind of connection, you know? like i was supposed to meet them” he wistfully says, his eyes sparkling just a bit as he recalls his memory and you smile at him, he sounds so hopeful and you couldn’t be happier for him.
“what do you plan to do?”
“chase the feeling? all i know is, i’m going every day until i don’t feel anything anymore” namjoon is very sure of his answer and you’re more than impressed.
“good luck with that, lover boy” you tease lightly and namjoon scoffs at the cringey nickname but then starts the ever so exciting conversation about whales that you’ve been looking forward to for a long time now.
you don’t do a lot of the talking, much like in any conversation you take part in, you always let the other person speak more and namjoon loves talking, you love listening, so it really is a perfect conversation.
you are so invested in the fact that whales actually sleep while standing, you don’t pay attention to anything happening in the room around you, you tune out the entire room, you are definitely a little drunk now because the room is spinning a little and whatever namjoon is saying with the most interest in the world, is nonsense to you at this point but you still listen, nodding from time to time to show him that you’re listening.
“y/n? i thought you were staying home” you snap your head to look at where jimin’s voice comes from, the sudden movement making you a little dizzy and namjoon points behind you and there he is, jimin standing with his coat on his arm with a surprised expression on his face.
“hello hyung, have you talked to hoseok hyung lately? Is he doing better?” jimin directs his gaze to namjoon, not even waiting for you to answer but it’s not like you would have said anything, you just play with the hem of your dress as they keep talking.
just with his presence, you feel like you’ve sobered up.
you don’t know how to feel with jimin here, people walk past him, greeting him excitedly and he is equally excited to talk to everyone.
you want his attention and he keeps giving it to anyone but you.
and you know you sound petty, because jimin would never intentionally not talk to you, he just enjoys company even if it’s unfamiliar and you don’t.
it also doesn’t help that jimin looks good, he always does but today he’s put in a lot more effort than usual, his hair is slicked back, he’s wearing a crisp white shirt tucked into his black jeans which makes him look dapper, there’s a lone silver earring hanging and he’s even wearing his beloved chanel necklace which rests neatly on his smooth skin, his fingers are adorned with delicate rings and you feel weak in the knees by just looking at him. you’re not the only one though and that annoys you.
since he’s walked in, you’ve taken note of how many people turn to look at him with pleased grins, and then whisper to each other about how he looks, some even wishing that they go home with him tonight and you just don’t know how to feel.
you’ve never been bothered about this, jimin was very easy on the eyes, it wasn’t a secret that he was easily a lot peoples crush on campus and you never cared about it before but tonight, that’s all you can think of with a scowl on your face.
“i think i’m going to head home, thank you for the drinks joon, i will send the money when i reach my apartment” you hop out of your bar stool and take your purse, not bothering to say goodbye to jimin who is more than caught off guard when you don’t hug him goodbye like you usually do, namjoon doesn’t question you, just nods and gives you his famous dimpled smile and lets you go your merry way.
jimin’s eyes follow you as you slowly push through people and attempt to leave the place, and he doesn’t know why but something in him tells him to run after you, which is exactly what he does, jimin ignores everyone who tries to talk to him on the way and catches you right outside the house, you’re looking through your purse for something and upon hearing the door open, you turn to see jimin breathing heavily while looking straight at you, and you immediately feel your palms sweat a little.
“what are you doing out here?”
“why are you leaving already? i just got here.” jimin has never been one to beat around the bush so the forwardness of his question doesn’t throw you off.
“i’ve been here for a while and it’s getting late so i’m going to leave.” It isn’t a total lie but it isn’t the truth either.
also, you keep paying attention to everyone but me and i know i sound stupid but i want your eyes on me is something that stays at the tip of your tongue and you don’t let him know that you look at him in a way you shouldn’t, you think of him in a way you shouldn’t, your feelings are making you selfish, possessive even and it’s driving you insane.
but you can’t tell him any of that, you can never tell him how you are starting to feel about him.
jimin tilts his head at you, scanning your posture, it’s just too much of a coincidence that you decide to leave right when he arrived and he lets you know exactly that.
“i don’t believe you, you’ve been acting strange lately.”
“i can’t do anything if you can’t believe something this simple, there’s literally nothing else going on” you lie straight through your teeth and you want to pull your hair out at the pure frustration you feel, your fingers nervously fiddle with the heart charm necklace jimin gave you for your birthday this year and it feels like it’s burning on your skin right now.
because fuck, he knows, he has noticed it, you thought you were getting away with it but you’re not.
“what are you even doing here? aren’t you supposed to be on your date? the same date you cancelled movie night for?” you can’t help but be petty, ridiculously petty even and you know that now, you’re definitely not acting like yourself when jimin throws his head back with a groan, he doesn’t understand why you seem so bothered and defensive all of a sudden.
“i told you i’m sorry about movie night.” jimin whines, but there is a pleading tone to his whine, a pleading tone that you ignore.
“no, you didn’t and you aren’t answering my question about your date either.” you quickly correct him and he pushes his hair back roughly with his fingers, a habit you’ve chastised him about a lot of times, you almost reach to slap his hand away from damaging his hair like you usually do but you hold yourself back because nothing feels like how it used to feel.
“it didn’t go well, we agreed that we just didn’t have that spark and that we’re better as friends, that’s all and i didn’t want to go home, so i came here and imagine my surprise, i see you here sipping shots with namjoon when you told me you were going to stay home and eat ice cream.” you scoff with raised eyebrows at how he turns the tables on you because his tone is so accusing as if you were sucking faces with namjoon right in front of him and it further annoyed you.
“i don’t need to tell you everything, you’re not my dad and you’re acting like you walked in on me and namjoon doing something we shouldn’t, and i can’t believe you’re making this about me when this is very clearly about you, you never even let me know you were going on a date until the day of” you point a finger at him with your anger practically radiating off of you and jimin just shakes his head at you.
“and you know that? movie night is cancelled from now on” you cross your arms over your chest as you say this, not letting any vulnerability show because it hurts to cancel something that meant a lot to you and jimin lets his mouth drop open at your words.
“what do you mean movie night is cancelled? you’re doing this because of this one time, just because you want to be petty?” jimin asks you, his voice raising with each word and it becomes so hard for you to fight your tears because you hate it so much when people yell at you, especially when people you love yell at you.
you sniff a little and look away from him, taking a deep breath to calm yourself down and facing him again, your heart breaks at how utterly gorgeous he looks even under this dim light, it’s like the moonlight dances on his skin, his eyes are still shining, his rings are sparkling around his fingers, his earring keeps swaying with the wind and his hair is slightly out of place but still well kept and it breaks you because you can never call him yours, you can’t call this beautiful man anything other than your friend.
“not just to be petty, i’m just done getting ditched, it clearly doesn’t mean a lot to you because this isn’t the first, but the fourth time you’ve cancelled without letting me know and i’m tired of looking like i’m desperate and following you around when you probably don’t even care about me” your voice is small and tight as you say this, and you’re not sure if you’re even talking about movie night anymore, you feel like you’re indirectly letting him know that you don’t know what this feeling is, this feeling that is burning your chest and heart everyday and this feeling that makes you want to push him away and leap to hug him tight at the same time.
jimin grows silent at your heavy words and somber expression, he doesn’t know when this argument became so huge, he doesn’t understand why you don’t look at him when you speak anymore, he also doesn’t understand why he feels like he wants to comfort you when he’s supposed to be angry, jimin has never felt this lost in his life.
“y/n, where is all this coming from? you know you mean the world and more to me” his voice becomes a lot softer, a lot lower, almost into a whisper, and you wished he didn’t say the words he did, you wished he didn’t talk like you were so special to him, because that is just fueling the raging feeling that’s settled in your chest.
“please talk to me” he begs with his hands reaching out to you and you want to run away, which is exactly what you end up doing.
“i need to go, don’t think too much about this, we’ll talk it out later but i need to be alone right now” you scratch your neck while you say this, refusing to look at him, and jimin feels his heart slip at the abrupt rejection you hand him. before he could do or say anything to convince you to stay, you quickly walk away from him and disappear into the night, and all jimin does is watch you leave.
-
you didn’t end up sleeping that night, all your mind could think of was jimin.
your skin still burned from that last look he gave you, the confused, lost look with his lips turned down and it was noticeably clear that he was upset.
jimin was always so happy and bright, he had his moments but when you were with him, to this day, he’s never looked at you like this.
and it took you the entire night to understand that the way you looked at him changed, you don’t think of him as a friend anymore and that you weren’t annoyed, you were jealous of all the people he’s talked to, you were jealous that he was going on a date with someone that wasn’t you.
you feel like someone has suddenly placed a lovesick filter over your eyes or maybe it’s how you have always looked at him but realizing it scared you, you couldn’t lose him, you would be incomplete without him and you were almost sure that he didn’t see you like you saw him, it was obvious with how active his dating life has been since the beginning of college. you don’t blame him for that though, he can do what he wants, it’s your fault being a coward with your own feelings.
you couldn’t think of one thing that jimin has done to show his interest to you in any way other than how a friend would.
that entire night, you lay with a heavy heart filled with feelings for your friend, your good friend who’s done nothing but support you, you pushed him away because of your selfish feelings and you hate everything, you hate that you somehow started to like him, you hate that now when you see his hand, you want to hold it and swing it around, you keep imagining scenarios of domestic things you two could be doing if you’re together and it only hurts you more.
-
after that disastrous night at the party, you never talk to him again, he never talks to you either, both of you don’t attempt to contact each other, instead you start avoiding each other.
you sit alone at lunch now, sometimes namjoon sits with you, sometimes it’s jungkook and his girlfriend who are honestly good company, they managed to make you feel single but still included you in every conversation but never did jimin even come close to where you sat, you’re not even sure if you’ve seen him around the cafeteria.
you stop going to the bakery in your free time to keep him entertained at work, jimin still looks up every time the door dings, full of hope that you’ve come to him but you don’t, and he’s left sighing while gazing longingly at the seat you usually occupy, he plays with the same heart charm necklace dangling on his skin whenever he thinks of you, but it only makes him sadder.
“i didn’t know beavers mated for life” you look up at namjoon as you bite off the apple in your hand and namjoon shrugs, jotting down the daily log for the library.
you started spending a lot more time with namjoon or just in general, in the library because it’s so calm here, you need that kind of calm or you might just go insane.
“and i also don’t understand how you manage a bakery and library at the same time” you point at him and namjoon chuckles a little at your accusing tone.
“it’s not like i work full time here.” he rolls his eyes and continues doing the little jobs assigned to him.
“but you’re always here.” you almost yell at him and he enjoys seeing how frustrated you get with his perfect capability of managing to work at two places at the same time and still do well in both while not feeling overwhelmed.
“i’ll teach you one day, don’t worry” and just as you’re about to throw a witty comment at him, a hand reaches out from behind you and places a book in front of namjoon, you would recognize that hand anywhere.
“jimin, it’s been a while since i’ve seen you here” namjoon grins at his friend who gives him a tight-lipped smile, you don’t acknowledge jimin’s presence, grabbing a random book off the counter and acting like you’re reading it, namjoon’s eyes dart over the two of you, you don’t look at jimin and jimin looks very stiff standing beside you, he isn’t even smiling like he usually does.
yikes, namjoon wants to be anywhere but around the two of you because the tension is so obvious, he almost considers jumping out the closest window but the fine he would have to cover would be too much for his student wallet.
“just needed it for an assignment hyung” jimin offers with a dull tone and namjoon just nods, quickly scanning the book for jimin and he notices how jimin’s eyes keep darting towards you but you don’t even lift your head, namjoon isn’t even sure if you’re breathing with how tight your shoulders look.
“good to see you here, y/n” jimin says, in a way too formal of a tone, and he looks disappointed when you just ignore him and continue reading, he sighs heavily with guilty laying his heart over and silently thanks namjoon, his steps are slow as he walks away, you immediately loosen up once he’s gone and exhale deeply.
“didn’t know you were into human beings and their many pleasures” namjoon gestures to the book you’re holding, it’s a book with sex tips and you want to smack your head over and over again with it just so you don’t have to see namjoon’s cheeky grin right now.
“you could’ve at least told him hello” he says lightly but there is a scold in his tone, his eyebrows are furrowed and he isn’t joking around anymore.
“it’s just complicated joon” you mumble sadly and namjoon takes the book away from you, looking at you pointedly.
“you should go after him and try, i don’t want you to regret this” he simply instructs and goes back to doing his work, namjoon’s right and you know it, you take in his advice slowly, jimin couldn’t have gone far, the library is huge and it takes a lot of time just to exit it, and if you run now, you could catch him.
but what would you say?
you decide that you will think about that on the way to him as you slide your chair back and start running.
what will you say?
would he even say anything back?
does he hate you?
you run and run, until you see his sage green cardigan just peeking around the corner, you fasten your pace to catch him, and grab his shoulder right when he almost leaves the building. he turns around grimly, like he was expecting that it was you.
“y/n” he says softly, but he also shrugs your hand off his shoulder, your heart clenches in place with how his voice and his actions differed so much.
“looked like you were having fun with hyung, i didn’t know it was so easy to replace me in your life” his eyes are ice cold, all the warmth you have associated jimin with since you’ve met him, disappears right in front of you and your words stay in your mouth because what will you say to that?
“jimin, why are you speaking that way? there’s nothing going on between us, you know that” you try to reason with him, and he shakes his head like he doesn’t believe you, scoffing a little and you feel hurt at his reaction, because this isn’t the jimin you know, he’s like this to people he doesn’t care about, he’s never like this to you of all people.
“maybe i don’t know, but you don’t have to explain anything to me, goodbye” he says with a straight face and you don’t understand how he seems so indifferent with hurting you, and you don’t say anything else as he takes one last look at you and leaves you right at the exit.
-
it hurt a lot that day, to be treated as any other person in the world, and not someone who actually meant something to jimin, and you can’t bring yourself to blame him because you weren’t all that different from him, you also weren’t treating him like you used to and it was only a matter of time before all that ignorance blew up on your faces.
and you know now, it’s glaringly obvious that you like jimin, you’ve liked him for a while and the only way you could manage coming to that realization was by pushing him away, which was stupid on your part but how else were you going to handle knowing that you were probably in love with someone who was your best friend?
you’re not sure what made you drive over to jimin’s apartment the very next day, maybe it was just knowing that even rejection wouldn’t hurt as much anymore but keeping your feelings to yourself will just be damaging to you and your friendship, as your best friend, he deserved to know how you actually felt, he was the last person you wanted to lie or hide from.
you shift on your feet as you stand in front of jimin’s room, you’re hesitant to knock or enter like you usually do, what are you even doing here? you can’t just tell jimin how you feel, what if he starts to hate you? or even worse, he never wants to see you again?
you could handle rejection but you’re not sure if you can handle not being around jimin anymore.
you take a deep breath as tears line up your eyes, why is this so hard? why did you have to like jimin the way you do? you can’t do this, not today.
you decide that you will tell jimin another time, you’re not ready to lose him yet but just as your feet back off from the door to turn and leave, you hear the door open and you’re frozen in your spot, your heart racing down the hall as jimin steps out with an equally surprised look on his face.
he gulps, tightening his grip around the bag he’s holding, he didn’t expect to see you anymore, not after he practically blew up on you when you were just trying to make amends.
“i-i was just going to throw the garbage” he nervously mutters, holding up the black bag in his hand and you nod while fiddling with your fingers as he purses his lips, alternating looking at you and the wall behind you before he sighed and finally decided to do something instead of standing around like a fool.
“wait inside, i will be back” he instructs, opening the door wider for you and you just give him a tight smile and step in, watching as jimin disappears out of view and the door close behind you. you never feel weird coming into jimin’s apartment, you spent half of your first year here rather than in your dorm room because simply his apartment was so cozy and a lot more spacious.
jimin earned a lot from the bakery, be it in the form of tips or his paycheck because the bakery was just very high-end, you used to love coming here and doing your assignments or playing board games with jimin, but it is weird now, you feel like you’re intruding on him which is the last thing you want to do.
you take off your coat, and settle on the sofa, throwing your head back because you can’t believe you’re going to tell jimin that you like him and potentially ruin a very good friendship but were you two friends anymore? you haven’t talked for days, the last few conversations you’ve had with him aren’t how friends talk and you want to make some sense out of it but you don’t understand anything yourself.
the only thing you’re sure of is that you like jimin, might even love him and that’s what you are going to tell him.
“sorry, that took long” jimin lets out a small chuckle, as he steps into the house and you are already sweating, you wave him off, muttering a it’s okay as he sits down on the sofa, at the other end, away from you. the distance hurts but it was appropriate considering your situation.
“jimin look, i’m going to make this quick because i really don’t want it to seem like a big deal” you jump right into it, you turn to him and he immediately straightens up in his place, showing you that he is listening.
“i’m not sure what exactly happened or why you thought that way, but you said that i replaced you with namjoon and namjoon, is just, a very good friend, i literally only talk about animals with him, me and namjoon are not like us, we will never be like how we both are so i just wanted to take that out of the way” you stand up in the middle of your explanation, it’s a nervous habit of yours, pacing around while talking and you see jimin sigh, in relief or exhaustion, you’re not sure but you continue before you lose all courage and run away again.
“another thing is, i like you, love you even, not how a friend should.” you pause, there’s no turning back now so you gather the little bit of strength that you can and continue but you don’t dare to look at jimin, you’re not ready for that yet.
“i’ve truthfully not been able to see you as a friend at all, like friends don’t get jealous which is exactly how i get when i see you around others, i feel like dragging you out of the room and having you all to myself and it sounds stupid but that’s how i feel, friends don’t look at each other like i look at you, it’s not in me to see you as just a friend anymore, i can’t keep lying to myself and to you, it isn’t fair on either of us” you put your hands on your hips and hang your head low.
you’ve said it, it’s out now, jimin’s heard it and he hasn’t moved an inch and the rejection you feel from just his stoic posture has you wanting to wail into your pillow and disappear into thin air.
“so yeah, that’s what i wanted to say, you don’t have to give me a reply or anything, and i understand if you don’t want to talk again, take care” you mumble shamefully, your voice cracking in the middle and it’s taking everything in you to not cry in front of him.
you sniff as silently as you can and take your coat, not turning back to look at him.
“y/n wait, you didn’t let me speak” jimin finally talks from where he sits, his face is as serious as it was all those days ago and you want the ground to swallow you up just to protect yourself from whatever gentle rejection he will give you.
you hold your breath as you watch him getting up from the couch and walking over to you, slowly like he has all the time in the world and you really just want him to say what he wants to before you start crying right here.
jimin reaches and stops right in front of you, you don’t look at him and his face softens at your nervous stance, he brings his hand up and you stiffen even more when he reaches your collarbones and slowly takes hold of the necklace you two share.
“you know what else friends don’t do? this” he lifts the heart charm necklace from your skin and you gape at him, your heart racing in your chest as he smiles down at you.
“i might give attention to people around me but i don’t give my heart just to anyone, y/n, and if i gave it to you, you can’t think that i see you as a friend, i’ve never seen you as a friend, i’ve seen you like a lover, always admiring and always from far away, but i don’t have to stay away anymore, so thank you for not being a coward like me, i love you too, i love you the most.” he drops his confession subtly, and for a second, you think you hear him wrong, but when you look up to finally meet his eyes, you see the way he looks at you. it’s the same way you look at him.
and that’s all the confirmation you need, you drop your head on his chest and groan loudly because you almost had a panic attack just by imagining the different ways this could go, you definitely didn’t think you would end up with your head on his chest but you don’t mind, it feels nice and warm, it feels just like jimin.
“couldn’t you have just said it earlier? i was ready to usain bolt out of here” you complain and he laughs above you, pushing your head in further into his chest and softly patting your head while circling his other arm around you.
“that would’ve ruined the suspense” he lightly jokes and if you weren’t as blissed out as you were, you would have punched him in the arm but your loved up heart can only lift your eyes to glare at him.
jimin looks starstruck, like your eyes hold all the galaxies in the world and he’s swimming in them, even your glare softens just by looking at him, he lifts the pad of his thumb to brush against your cheek in a such a tender way that you want to melt, you want to melt right into his arms.
“please never look away from me again.” he adds seriously because he’s missed looking at you, he’s missed looking at you with all his love and care settled into them and you nod wordlessly, pulling him in closer and rubbing your nose with his, making him giggle lightly.
and right then, you feel the bubble you’ve dreamed of, building itself steadily around you with the pure joy and love radiating off you two and you feel complete and safe.
you never thought you could make a bubble of your own, and you didn’t think that jimin would feel so right in your arms, and you definitely never thought that you would be so comfortable even with your most vulnerable emotions worn on your sleeve.
but you aren’t scared anymore, you aren’t running anymore, you don’t want to slam your head on a cafeteria table anymore, you don’t think jimin would let you do that from now on to be honest and you’re so glad that he’s proved you wrong, several times over, wrecked all your beliefs and still made you feel the way you do.
you’ve always wondered what love is.
and looking at jimin’s face, he looks like love, jimin feels like love too, jimin feels like something you want to fall in deeper for.
it’s like jimin is love itself.
and you have your answer right there in front of you, love isn’t some grand gesture that ends in happy tears, love also isn’t what they show in the movies, but love is definitely the out of the world feeling you expected it to be, and you’ve learned what love is, love is jimin.
many turned up at his doorstep only to be brushed off, even his closest friends jin and yoongi couldn’t get him to come out of his house and when they showed up with all his favorite foods, they couldn’t help but notice the dark circles that covered his usually bright eyes, he looked like he hadn’t eaten and none of his energy remained, he couldn’t even force a smile for his brothers, they left without a word from him.
can a break-up really do that to a person? ruin them to the point of no return?
because that’s what it looked like to everyone. the jung hoseok they knew, the one who used to embrace everyone, the life of every party he’s been to, was no longer the jung hoseok that stood before them.
but people knew, how much he loved you, it was obvious with the way you two used to run around campus giggling and cuddling the whole time, known as the campus sweethearts, everyone used to watch in awe as you both proudly showcased your love to everyone, and now, all of that felt like a dream to hoseok, a dream he’s been harshly woken up from.
even right now, with all his friends staring expectantly at him with beer cans in their hand, not all of them faniliar with each other, their common link being namjoon and hoseok alone, with a cigarette dangling from his own hand, hoseok doesn’t feel ready to tell what happened between you two, he doesn’t know if he’s scared of the reaction or scared of living through memories that he wants to forget. he doesn’t want to forget you however, he wants to forget what you two had, because both of you were hurt at the end. and the last thing that he wants, even now, when everything has been over, is for you to hurt.
he’s tried to wish you pain, he’s tried to hate you, but every time your last moment together stops him from thinking that way.
you left because you had to before it killed one of you.
“you look better now” jin offered with a weak smile, it pained him to see his once ever so bright friend become nothing but a clump of dull energy. hoseok grimly nodded to that, he did look better now that he started eating and working out more, while they were merely distractions, hoseok still enjoyed having some normalcy come back to him.
they nervously looked at each other, not knowing what to say as hoseok stared ahead at nothing, even yoongi, who usually knew how to break the ice with a joke and make everyone comfortable didn’t utter a word, their friend’s state had silenced them all. hoseok could feel the silence, he knew it was because of him and it was suffocating him, he didn’t blame his friends for being quiet but rather blamed himself for the sour mood.
“jungkook” hoseok softly called out and jungkook immediately leaned forward to his direction, eagerly waiting for his hyung to say something.
“i heard you got your first job and tattoo, and you never even told me, isn’t that too unfair?” hoseok light heartedly joked and jungkook had a rosy blush on his face as he nodded happily, just glad that he was at least talking.
“i started working with jimin hyung at joon hyung’s bakery, and the tattoo just kind of happened, one day i just went to genius lab and asked yoongi hyung to do it, i didn’t even think of a design till i got there” jungkook filled hoseok in with the details of his life from the past few weeks.
“can i look, at the tattoo, i mean?” jungkook immediately got up from his seat to circle around hoseok and showed him the beautiful tiger lily that covered his forearm, hoseok lightly traced his fingers around the tattoo with a small grin on his face, marveling at the intricate design.
“ah jungkook, you’re telling me you designed this? no way, you have grown up so much.” warmth and nostalgia filled hoseok’s voice as he looked at jungkook with the eyes everyone was familiar with, sparkling and filled with love, jungkook almost started crying right there after seeing him look alive after so long.
“i did, i designed it myself, we can design my next one together.” jungkook’s word held a promise, he was going to design his next one with hoseok and he was going to ink it on his body.
“how has everyone else been?” hoseok asked, leaning back on his seat as jungkook returns to his and everyone starts filling in with everything they’ve been up to
jin mentions how university is kicking his ass with five assignments every week, yoongi fills in about how much this one girl keeps annoying him, namjoon explains how bike rides around the river is the most he’s doing these days, jimin shyly mentions his crush on his best friend and the others break into loud ooh’s at that, taehyung is cursing out his professor who won’t bump his subpar grade to above average and jungkook stays silent, only letting a few chuckles slip every now and then with how dramatic some of them got.
and suddenly, as if they’ve run out of things to fill the void, they fall dead silent, jimin looks at hoseok who visibly inflates after the youthful energy in the room dies as quickly as it revives.
“hyung, i’ve been worried sick about you, and i really am glad that you called us to meet after so many days, but i can’t sit here and watch you suffer silently so please tell us, we’re all here to listen to you” jimin pleads with hoseok suddenly, his voice strained and weak with eyes widened and lips pursed as everyone else silently thank jimin for taking the step that they were all hesitant to.
hoseok looks up at jimin’s thin voice telling him to get out of whatever bubble he’s built around himself, to finally tell someone what happened and why it’s ruining him the way it is.
“should we pour a drink first?” hoseok offers with a weak smile and once everyone nods, hoseok gets started about the story in his life he wants to erase.
how you and hoseok got together? it was natural, like on instinct you had to be with each other no matter what, you don’t know if that feeling started at that one party where you got too drunk and finally kissed him, or if it’s always been there and you both just kept denying it till you didn’t.
either way, when you finally got together, you both were so giddy and excited about it that you wanted to let the world know that ‘hey, i love you and i would choose no one but you and i need to tell everyone i’m in love because it’s the best thing i’ve ever experienced’.
and it was, it still is the best thing to happened to hoseok but at the end, he knew it was the worst thing too.
he tells the boys everything, from your first date to every fight that led to the end and they could only hear with wide eyes, they didn’t know that a couple who looked so perfect to everyone, would have so many cracks threatening a disastrous breaking apart. hoseok didn’t care if they were listening or not, he’s gotten used to not being heard but he was going to tell them everything regardless.
you both did everything in the world, with hands around the other.
you went to bungee jumping with him, you went to river crashing with him, you did assignments late at night with him, kicking feet with each other and getting distracted every time, you learned calligraphy with him, you learned baking with him even if you both ended up with flour all over each other at the end, you could just laugh and kiss it off because it didn’t matter, nothing else mattered when you were with him.
every memorable thing in your life had hoseok beside you and hoseok has never wanted to experience anything in his life without you in it.
you had your insecurities, he had his, you didn’t talk about your problems, he didn’t talk about his.
because together, you could forget every problem that plagued your mind, you could forget about the world that was hurting you and instead just stare at each other till sunrise.
soon, your problems and insecurities and his, caught up to you before you could run away once again, and everything you loved about each other quickly became things that started to annoy you.
you used to love waking up to his loud good morning, you would wake up and pepper kisses across his face with a sleepy smile on your face, chest blooming with pride that he was your man, later you just stuffed your face into your pillow and begged for him to stop talking. he used to love eating your experiments in the kitchen, either lying about how good they taste, or kissing you in reassurance that you can always do better next time, his own face twisting to a grin every time you would pout at your failures, later he couldn’t hide the grimace on his face as he swallowed and couldn’t bring himself to encourage you like he usually does.
it was the little things that changed, little things that had a heavy weight in the dynamic of your relationship and it wasn’t like you two didn’t notice, every time you would turn away from hoseok in the morning, his smile would immediately drop and he would silently leave the room, his mind heavy with neglect, and every time he scowled at the food you made, you wanted to never enter the kitchen again, you lost all drive to do anything again.
and slowly, the rush you felt whenever you touched him and the way his heart would leap every time you said his name, both of them faded.
that’s when the fights began, small like any beginning but fatal.
even if it were something as simple as leaving clothes on the floor, you both would fight like your life depended on it, yelling out words only to regret them as soon as you say them.
hoseok never wanted to hurt you, but he did.
you never wanted to hurt hoseok, but you did.
at some point, you both got too comfortable with fighting every day, brushing it off like it was a normal thing that happens to all couples, an excuse, a kind of solace to your breaking hearts that it was okay, it was all okay.
it wasn’t okay.
hoseok wishes he could go back and yell at himself for thinking it was okay, it was never okay.
unknowingly, you both would hurt each other to the point of crying all night and then wiping each other’s tears like you weren’t responsible for it, like you weren’t hurting each other, more so like you were hurting yourself while gripping onto his hands that gently swiped across your face.
that was the first thing that broke hoseok.
crying because of you, crying for you and crying when he was away from you.
you were his home, his broken, falling apart, moldy and dying home. but still his home. you would always be his home.
it got exhausting, but you couldn’t stop loving him, he couldn’t stop loving you.
you were the couple that everyone wanted to be, you couldn’t just up and leave because the words that would leave people’s mouths after would only hurt you more.
so, you stayed.
even if you cried every day, you stayed because at least you weren’t the only one crying, you weren’t the only one who was breaking and losing yourself, you stayed because somewhere in your heart, you couldn’t imagine a life that didn’t have hoseok in it.
you loved each other.
but love can only be beautiful for so long.
the mistakes come after the regret.
regret that if you lost hoseok as a lover, you would lose him as a friend, a companion you could lean on, someone who’s with you even after hearing all your stories, you could lose all of that just because your love was selfish enough to make you pay, your love was poison enough to feel like honey.
the mistakes, you’re not sure when they started, maybe it was when you stopped going to parties with hoseok or when you two intentionally went to different parties or was it when you two no longer looked for each other in a full room? you don’t know.
going to parties without your boyfriend and pretending like you’re single was your mistake.
going to parties and buying drinks for others was his mistake.
it wasn’t long before you stopped coming to his dorm at night, instead showing up to class with hickeys that he definitely didn’t give you and you would find someone else’s clothes lying around his bedroom floor.
he acted like he didn’t notice the hickeys and you quietly put the clothes you found in the trash.
it wasn’t that you forgave each other, you just didn’t have the energy to fight for each other anymore, neither of you were on the right, neither of you could blame the other, neither of you wanted to tell another soul about it, an argument would only end in you both admitting you were wrong.
and you didn’t do it. he never did it.
the boys stopped drinking, glaring at the glasses in front of them, frozen with this new information.
“hyung” namjoon slowly muttered, gazing nervously at his friend, understanding a bit of what was going on and why hoseok hasn’t been the same again, hoseok just gives him a pained smile and returns to silence.
namjoon never thought his friend would be capable of cheating, he never anticipated his friend’s girlfriend who would always give him a bubbly smile when she entered his bakery, was capable either.
and that’s when it hits namjoon that maybe people are a lot more capable to hurt than to love.
the thought scares namjoon, it scares everyone else in the room too.
you and hoseok cheated on each other so much but neither of you made the attempt to break it off.
they didn’t know what to think of that, they couldn’t judge their brother, it would be unfair if they judged you when they didn’t judge him, it didn’t matter who did it first, it mattered that you two moved on like it was normal, like cheating was normal, like being in pain when with each other was normal.
and they didn’t know what to say to him as he downed another glass of whiskey like it was water.
so, they simply just didn’t say anything.
they just let him speak.
the cheating didn’t stop, the lies didn’t either.
the love which you painfully gripped to like gripping to stones, was fading too.
and when the love for each other died, so did the love for yourself.
you hated yourself, he hated himself because you and him couldn’t save it, couldn’t save the relationship or your precious love.
you couldn’t save the relationships around you either, your strained relationship with your family only getting worse with the little effort you put in to be together with them.
your life and his were crashing on you, but you didn’t feel anything.
you got used to the burning in your chest with every movement you made and he got used to the sinking way his heart fell every time you hurt him.
it was like you kept denying, denying and denying, one shot of vodka and one night with someone else at a time, till you couldn’t anymore that something was very wrong with you two.
you only remember how you felt when you came one morning to see another woman in his bed, sleeping peacefully next to him and you didn’t say anything, even if you wanted to yell, kick her out and then yell at hoseok too.
you didn’t say anything, just closed the door and walked off.
hoseok remembers the way his heart twisted in his chest when he came to your apartment only for you to be wearing another man’s t-shirt, he ignored it, he didn’t say anything about the t-shirt, or the fading marks on your neck and clavicle.
you and hoseok were foolish enough to believe that it was just a rough patch, something that you will get over soon and you could slip into that honeymoon phase you used to float around in, often getting excited at the smallest action of affection from the other, something as simple as hoseok kissing your forehead before going to class was enough for you to hope that everything will be okay and hoseok would just be happy if he didn’t find someone else’s scent on you when he hugged you in class.
but your relationship was like a torn paper, no matter how much you try to put it together, it just doesn’t look the same anymore.
and you were the first one to realize that.
you stared at hoseok from your side of the bed, even in deep sleep, he didn’t look like he was resting, his eyebrows furrowed and his mouth twitching from time to time, it was obvious he was thinking a lot, and that’s when the weight of everything fell on you.
you hurt him, the one person you promised you would love, you hurt him.
you might have even broken him with how tired he looks.
he didn’t walk like he used to; slouching and trudging his step.
he didn’t talk like he used to; his voice had changed, slower and hoarser as the days go by.
he didn’t smile like he used to; his smile was forced, pained even.
and his smile, oh you used to love his smile, you used to love being the reason for his smile too.
you broke him.
and that killed you.
the first tear was silent and fell on the pillow, immediately leaving a stain on it, and then you cried, you cried and cried as sunlight poured into your room, your hands covered your mouth as your heart squeezed in your chest and hoseok woke up in a startle at the sound of a sob that escaped from your mouth. he hurriedly got up and looked around and then at you. he pulled you close to look if you hurt yourself somewhere and when he didn’t see any apparent injuries, he looked up at you again with teary eyes, he couldn’t bear seeing you in so much pain.
you didn’t stop crying, his grip on your shoulders trying to shake you back into sanity and his voice which urgently called out to you felt too distant to be true.
“i-i can’t find what’s wrong, please stop crying, please just tell me” he hurriedly said, softly wiping your face, frantically checking your arms and head again, searching for anything that could’ve hurt you but it was your heart that was finally bleeding after being plugged up with everything for so long.
“how could i hurt you?” you wailed, pushing your head into your hands, and hoseok paused, his tears building up again as your shoulders shook from how heavy your sobs got.
hoseok couldn’t deny the way his eyes-tinged red at your words, he couldn’t deny that he felt his own heart being ripped from his chest because you were blaming yourself when he wasn’t any better.
“i hurt you too” hoseok muttered defeatedly, his hand falling from your face onto his own lap as he stared off to the side.
defeat, that’s all he could feel. for someone who is used to victory, this was new, and he didn’t like it.
“we keep hurting each other hobi, why?” you asked him helplessly, your voice and his nickname were painful for him to hear and he shook his head, he didn’t know how to tell you that it will be okay because he wasn’t sure himself.
“y/n, it’s normal, happens to couples sometimes, we just have to hold o-“ he reaches for your hands, holding them tightly and rubbing circles on them, he knew you weren’t going to be happy together anymore but he wanted to try, he wanted to know if you could feel the same microscopic hope he did.
“that’s a lie and you know it” you bluntly said, voice hoarse but sure, and his grip falters so does his tiny bit of hope.
you look ready to leave and all he could think of was how to stop you.
“just listen to me, please” he begged, and your heart breaks at his desperate, slouched over form, you silently brought your hand to his forehead, pushing hair off from it and gently patting it back, sniffling every so often. your touch makes him flinch and then sigh shakily, it’s been so long since you’ve touched with affection and not venom.
“we can’t do this anymore; you know we can’t” you whisper as more tears fall down your face and you don’t miss the way he sobs a little and pushes his head into his arm.
he did know.
he fucking knew this was coming.
he’s imagined ways this day would come and nothing could have prepared him for this moment.
was this the end for you two? after all you’ve been through, you were going to end at 5 am on a random morning while crying into each other’s arms? is that what you’ve come to?
you slowly cup his cheek, allowing him to bury his face into your hand and cry, every time his tears touch your skin, you break a little more, and you don’t stop yourself from caressing his skin carefully, like it was the last time you will touch it.
“we’re just scared to be lonely” hoseok lifts his head in a shiver, voice laced with realization and you nod shamefully.
you didn’t stay out of love, you stayed because you didn’t know who would you go to if this was over.
love is a tender pain, and you’ve both experienced all sides of it. especially the worst part of it.
and with that said, hoseok hated himself for coming to that realization, he hated himself for knowing what was wrong with you two.
he wished that he just remained oblivious to everything, he wished that you never got up from the bed after he said that, he wished that you didn’t pack your clothes that were left in his closet, he wished he didn’t hear how you cried as you stuffed your belongings into different bags, he wished that you didn’t kiss his forehead and give him a final, weak smile before you left his room, he wished that he didn’t notice your scent twirling in the air, mocking him.
he wished you didn’t leave at all.
he spent many days, in the same bed you left him in, with your kiss lingering on his forehead, refusing to live without you. he lost count of how many tears he cried, he lost count of how many times he reached for his phone to call you and beg you to come back.
but hoseok knew you left for good.
you weren’t coming back.
and he just had to deal with that.
“i haven’t seen her since then, i asked her friends and apparently she went home for a bit, i don’t think i will bother her again.” hoseok ended his disastrous, tragic love story with a shrug.
a story to the rest of them but to him, he felt every word of it and relived through the memories he’s been waiting to forget.
hoseok watched as all of them gulped, they didn’t know their friend was silently going through so much and they felt guilty for not advising him, for not helping him sooner, it was only jin and yoongi who understood that any advice would have fallen to deaf ears with hoseok when he was still with you.
“that’s how it finished?” taehyung couldn’t help but ask, for two people who tried every trick in the book to stay together, you didn’t seem to try at all at the end.
“yeah, it just happened” hoseok says painfully and the boys felt pity, pity that hoseok or you couldn’t come to your senses sooner so you could stop before you got too hurt.
but the damage was done.
and the only thing left with hoseok was the silence that surrounded him and his friends who swore that another soul wouldn’t know about this.
hoseok, in some sick and fucked up way, still loved you. he still longed for the day you would enter his doorstep with the smile he hasn’t seen for so long but he’s glad you have better self-control than him and stayed away for both of your sakes.
for now, hoseok will just miss you until he can’t anymore.
his home, his heaven in hell, he will miss you till he moves on.
summary: koi no yokan; a japanese phrase which doesn’t mean love at first sight, it roughly translates to love at second sight, it’s described as the feeling when you meet someone that you’re going to fall in love with them. maybe you don’t love them right away, but it’s inevitable that you will. and jungkook thinks its the best way to describe how he feels about you. (fools!universe)
the feeling you get when you first meet someone is special.
whether it be annoyance, anger, joy or nonchalance, the first impression matters because it sticks to the person if you don’t plan on knowing them any further.
but what was this feeling that jungkook got when he saw you?
there was this faint chiming somewhere in the back of his head and he’s sure that there’s no bells around him.
he positively felt his heart dip and do a somersault when he first saw you. his palms are sweaty and he’s pretty sure he stopped breathing when he gulps at your presence, and jungkook swears he busts a nerve when you glance at him with a smile dancing on your pretty lips. it’s a brief glance, he’s not even sure if you registered him in the room but he still feels his throat clench around nothing.
who are you? and why do you make him feel things he can’t explain?
you’re just laughing with your friends, and the light is hitting you in all the right places as you throw your head back, and jungkook just can’t take his eyes off you, not until he feels a smack on the back of his head. jungkook immediately drops the cup that he’s wiping with a towel from his hand and winces when he realizes he has to explain this to the manager.
“what the fuck?” he muttered while rubbing the back of his head, turning around to see jimin sitting beside him on a stool while eating an apple and scrolling through his phone, as if he didn’t just attack unassuming jungkook.
“you’re staring like a creep; we don’t do that jungkook” he continues scrolling, as jungkook gapes at him.
“i w-wasn’t staring please, that can be hardly classified as staring, i was just, you know, just- “jungkook desperately tried to explain himself and jimin gives him an uninterested glare.
“just staring like a creep, yes” jimin finishes his sentence for him and quickly turns away before jungkook could say anything to defend himself and jungkook buries his head into his hands, groaning in frustration.
“fine, i was staring at them but not in a creepy way, i promise.” he mumbles into his hands and jimin snickers a chuckle at his slumped over form and rubs a hand on his back to get him to calm down from being so flustered. jimin found joy in messing with his introvert friend from time to time, mainly because jungkook never disappointed with his reactions, often responding with red, flushed cheeks and pouted lips stretching out a whine just like he was now.
“okay, then why were you staring at them?” jimin asked, in a much gentler tone now that jungkook looked close to blushing his face off, jimin turns to see the crowd of people in the corner of the bakery they worked at as jungkook slowly lifts his head.
how is he supposed to tell jimin that he knows he’s going to fall in love with you, while not knowing you at all?
how is he supposed to explain the goosebumps crawling on his skin were simply because of your laughter?
how is supposed to tell jimin that he’s never felt his heartbeat faster than it is right now?
he can’t explain what he doesn’t understand himself.
so, he settles for an answer that would explain enough.
“i don’t know.” he shakes his head as he says this, he can feel his palms sweating even more, he warns himself to not hold anymore coffee cups, and jimin is concerned for his friend when jungkook slams his head on the counter in front of them.
jungkook is a sensitive guy, not in a naïve or gullible way, he just is a sucker for love, he’s grown up with movies, stories, songs that describe love as this feeling you can’t get enough of, this feeling that is like magic twirling between your fingertips, he’s dreamed about holding that magic in his hands, he’s dreamed about falling in love, being with the one person who makes even the worst situations feel alright, he wants that.
he’s learned about soulmates and how some are destined to meet, red string or whatever, he believes he will hear bells when he meets his soulmate and its only now that he realizes an invisible chiming keeps ringing in his ears and he’s heard it only after he’s seen you.
“oh, your friend, our senior came in today” jimin calls out to jungkook while wiping down the counter, who finally lifts his head from the counter.
“jin hyung?” jungkook questioned because he’s noticed how jin has been coming in frequently to the bakery, and jimin nods.
“i don’t know why he keeps coming back, he’s always complaining about how expensive it is and how i should be giving him a discount. what did he take anyway?” jungkook remembers how jin would come in during the afternoon only to bug him for a while about discounts and asking him for a job as if jungkook was the manager here.
“he took two cups but there was no one with him and it was so late at night too.” jimin wondered out loud and jungkook’s ears perked up, tilting his head slightly.
hmm two cups, even after the constant complaints about the price, huh?
he is definitely going to bother jin about this when he sees him.
“um hello” they hear a soft but deep voice call them out and their heads snap to see you at the counter and jungkook swears he’s going to drop another cup, jimin notices how big jungkook’s eyes have gotten and just to agitate him further, he pushes jungkook near the till where you’re waiting, laughing delightfully when jungkook throws a glare his way and nervously clearing his throat before looking at you.
wow, your eyes are pretty.
and jungkook immediately looks away, his cheeks flaring up again and he wants to dunk his face into ice to calm himself down.
“h-how can we help you?” jungkook stutters out, nervously fiddling with the buttons on the cash register, not sparing a glance at you and jimin almost bursts into laughter next to him. he’s enjoying this way more than he should.
“i’m going to pay for table 13.” you pointed behind you towards the table that was previously occupied with your friends but there was no one left now. jungkook hummed and looked up your bill.
lots of strawberry.
strawberry milkshake, strawberry tart. you looked like a strawberries kind of person so jungkook silently assumed that it was your favorite flavor.
“okay, that’s going to be 60 dollars in total” jungkook adds as he punches the number in and holds his hand out for the bill, and as you fiddle with the wallet in your hand, jungkook dares to look at you again, almost gasping at the close proximity of your faces. you look even better up close and he can notice a faint smell of this teddy bear candle he always burns in his home, and only then realizes the homely scent is from you.
you even smell of his favorite candle for fucks’ sake.
you gently place the amount in his hand and jimin almost snorts when he sees how jungkook’s hands are shaking as he takes them and jungkook clears his throat again while handing the bill to you. you’re looking at him with your head tilted to the side and like you’re thinking about something, and jungkook nervously looks around, he’s not going to survive if you keep looking at him with those bright and curious eyes.
“do we know each other?” something about jungkook feels familiar, like you know him even if you don’t know him? and jungkook is not sure how he’s going to respond, do you feel the same way he does?
“i don’t think so- “and that’s when your eyes travel to the tattoos on his hands and widen in realization, you snap your fingers like you’ve figured out the secret to making a woman orgasm. jungkook is only slightly scared of your realization.
“jeon jungkook, that’s you, right?” you ask with the same wide eyes and a giddy smile, and jungkook feels his soul leave his body slowly because there’s just so much to process.
1.you know his name, oh my fucking god.
2.you look excited about knowing him?
3.wait a second, what do you know about him?
jungkook swears he’s never seen you before because c’mon if he did, he definitely would’ve frozen even back then but he doesn’t have a single clue about you.
which is why it makes him anxious that you seem to know him.
“yep, that is him.” jimin comes over and announces as he slaps a hand on jungkook’s shoulder to snap him out of whatever daze he’s gone back into, jungkook looks white as a sheet and you are slightly concerned.
“oh, don’t get me wrong please, it’s just i saw you around my brother’s tattoo shop and your name has been in the registry for a while so yeah” you nervously giggle, brushing hair out of your face and jungkook can finally breath again.
so that’s how you know him.
that’s not bad at all, jungkook loves his tattoos.
thank god it wasn’t because of the frat parties he’s been to, he’s not sure you would look at him so excitedly if you knew about those.
“genius lab? your brother is yoongi hyung?” jungkook didn’t mask his surprise well, his voice coming out drier and more forced than he would like it to but who can blame the poor guy?
first, he has a crush on this person who just walked into the store and he’s been following your every movement like a puppy (he’s very grateful that you didn’t notice that), second, this person comes up to talk to him and third, this person already knows him and he has no knowledge of them prior to this.
he is one conversation away from having a meltdown.
“yep, that’s him, you seem to be his favorite client.” you slightly chuckle at the memory of yoongi raving about how his new client, jungkook, is so talented in drawing and has been doing his own designs, and how he wants to offer him a job at the parlor, obviously jungkook doesn’t know about this. yoongi also seems to be very fond of jungkook, always talking about him with a small proud smile on his face.
‘when he got his first tattoo, he was shaking so much y/n, i had to give him like five lollipops throughout the entire time and now he doesn’t even flinch’ he explained to you excitedly one day when you were closing the shop together, it was something he always did, tell you stories about his clients whether you listened to him or not, and you remember dismissing him without a second thought because you could care less about who your brother meets. but now looking at jungkook, you understood why your brother gushed about him.
and jungkook is lost, terribly lost. since when did he become yoongi’s favorite client? sure, he gave him an extra lollipop sometimes but that was about it, and before he could question you about it, he sees you check the time only to slightly gasp and turn to him with panic in your eyes.
“my name is y/n by the way, it was nice meeting you jungkook and- “you look over at jimin who’s yet to introduce himself and he straightens when you look at him, offering a hand with a warm smile which you take gladly with an equally warm smile.
y/n, he likes your name.
“jimin, park jimin.” jungkook snorts at jimin’s attempt at the ‘bond, james bond’ line and even you snicker with a hand covering your mouth, jimin looks with disbelief at the two of you, you two barely know each other but you seem more than okay with making fun of him, and before jimin can voice his irritation, you wave a hand to brush it off.
“it was very nice meeting you jungkook and jimin, but i gotta go, hopefully we will meet again” your eyes catch jungkook’s at the end and he can’t help but melt into a dopey grin that doesn’t go away even when you have left the bakery.
“she’s gone, you can drop the smile” jimin nudges jungkook and disappears into the kitchen, it takes everything in jungkook to not throw a cup at him. jungkook then turns back to look at the empty store and sighs as he takes a seat in his stool.
he doesn’t know why but he needs to see you again.
-
jungkook has had a lot of ideas and none of them have worked in his favor so what did he decide to do?
well, right now he’s staring up at the ‘genius labs’ sign with a design ready in his hand.
and no matter how much he tries to convince himself that it isn’t to see you, that jungkook just really wants a tattoo but even jimin knows he is lying through his teeth and also knows exactly why jungkook suddenly wanted another tattoo, only after a month or so from his previous one.
jungkook pushes the door open with one arm, the other arm tightly clutching the strap of his backpack like his life depended on it, he almost feels bad for how tightly he’s holding it and writes a silent reminder to apologize to it later on in his mind.
jungkook looks around and the store looks busier than usual, jungkook searches for any familiar faces (he’s searching for you) and immediately snaps his head when he hears someone call his name. his shoulders slump when he realizes it isn’t you.
it’s yoongi who’s calling him over with a wave and jungkook pushes past the people all while muttering silent apologies, most wave him off, some curse him out and very few pay him any attention at all, and jungkook feels at peace because he hates attention anyway.
“ah jungkook! the store has been feeling empty without you, how have you been?” yoongi asks with a warmth in his tone, as he carefully patches up a client with tape and wrap, his tongue slightly sticking out in concentration and eyes carefully trained on the client’s arm.
i have been looking for your sister because i’m pretty sure i’m going to fall in love with her even if we’ve only met once didn’t seem like the right answer and jungkook didn’t know if yoongi was one of those protective kinds of brothers so he kept his mouth shut about you.
“um i’ve just been around hyung, working at the bakery and assignments and yeah that’s about it” jungkook is distracted as he speaks, eyes still looking for you and only looks back at yoongi when yoongi rises from his kneeling position to wipe his hands and thank the client, letting them go their way.
“oh, you have a design today?” just as jungkook is about to nod yes, he notices you walk into the room from the back, patting someone on the back and sending them away with a warm smile, and jungkook’s heart halts for a minute in his chest as he nervously gulps at you. yes, he came all the way over here just to see you but he wasn’t ready to see you in any way at all. he feels his cheeks flush up again, silently cursing himself out for getting so flustered.
yoongi doesn’t miss any of this, watching jungkook’s reactions with a glint in his eyes and a small smirk growing on his face.
“y/n, come here!” he suddenly yells at you making you look at yoongi, ready to yell back at him only to see jungkook right beside him, looking as pale as a ghost and your own heart leaps in your chest at the sight of him, you quickly make your way over to them with an excited smile on your face.
“jungkook, it’s so nice to see you again” you reach over to take his hand in yours for a delicate handshake and jungkook feels his stomach dip as if he were on the edge of a rollercoaster and he’s just descended suddenly into the track. your hands are warm in his and jungkook can’t help but notice how perfectly they fit together and before he can write a poem about your hands in his, you pull away your hand with the same smile you always seem to have.
“again? you guys have met before?”
oh right, yoongi is still here, jungkook forgot about his hyung for a minute there.
“yeah, i met jungkook at the bakery he works at like two days ago, i’m glad we meet again like this” you grin at him and tap his arm a little, jungkook wants to shove himself into a cupboard because he doesn’t know how to think when you’re touching him like this and it’s an innocent touch really but jungkook’s heart warms that you feel comfortable with him.
you, on the other hand, are trying to making it obvious that you are interested in him but since you’ve met, jungkook doesn’t seem half as excited as you are and you feel dejected every single time he looks away when you try to look at him. you are clueless that the poor guy could die happy in this moment with the way you’re looking at him.
“yeah, we met hyung, i didn’t know i was your favorite client” he slightly teases yoongi who flushes red and looks at you with a glare.
“why did you tell him that y/n?” yoongi groans in frustration and you give him a shrug, a huge grin dancing on your face and jungkook feels himself smile just by looking at the side of your face.
“i’m never telling you anything again” yoongi scolds you playfully and then turns to jungkook, gesturing towards the paper in his hand.
“what’s that tattoo you want jungkook? show me” jungkook hands over the paper of his drawing to yoongi who inspects it with a proud smile, jungkook really did have a talent for drawing and yoongi is seriously considering hiring jungkook as soon as possible.
yeah, yoongi could do this tattoo in little over two hours, it’s nothing hard for him but then he eyes the way you two seem to look at each other, blush and turn away, this repeats at least ten times and yoongi wishes he could bleach his eyes.
wait a minute, yoongi doesn’t even have to do this, he thinks with a happy smirk on his face, he could have you do it because that’s what good brothers would do :]. (he very much supports whatever you and jungkook have going on because jungkook is a nice, talented kid and maybe being your boyfriend would make him more interested in the job yoongi is going to offer him.) it’s purely for you, no selfish motive here, just to see your budding love grow, it’s not so that jungkook will work for him.
“sorry jungkook, i’ve got too much work today, like three more clients and it’s going to take too long to get to you” yoongi hands him the paper with a shake of his head and almost feels bad for outright rejecting him when jungkook looks at him like he kicked his puppy.
he’s doing this for him for fucks’ sake.
“but y/n can.” yoongi adds enthusiastically and ignores the way your head snaps towards him.
“she has way too much free time on her hand and this could be a nice way to test her skills, so if you’re okay with it, she will do it instead of me.” yoongi places one hand on your back when you look at him with confusion written all over your face and pushes you towards jungkook, in your hurry to curse yoongi out loudly, you miss the way jungkook has his hands wrapped around your forearms to keep you steady as you almost fall into him, yoongi hasn’t missed it and he very much is enjoying this version of jungkook and you.
“just go and do the tattoo, you’re such a brat sometimes” yoongi grumbles and your mouth falls open as you punch him on the arm and he’s laughing at how frustrated you get, jungkook is watching the exchange with a smile of his own, sibling banter was always fun to watch.
“just go for fucks’ sake, he’s waiting, you can annoy me later” yoongi gives one last smirk to jungkook and leaves to the other side of the room, your glare softens by a lot as you look back at jungkook and point towards the back, gesturing him to follow you.
“my room is at the back, i only started a few weeks ago and i didn’t like doing it front of everyone” you explain, more like shout at him, over all the chaos littered around the shop, jungkook follows you carefully, being sure not to bump into you and he outright glares when someone slightly pushes you back.
after you enter the small room in the back, you walk around the room while rolling your sleeves up, it’s only then that jungkook notices all the tiny tattoos littered on your arm, you quietly gather the basic things you need and walk over to him with a small smile and jungkook notices how you have glasses on now.
you look cute.
“can i see that design?” you put your hand out and jungkook immediately places the paper in it, he watches with pursed lips as you look at it for a few seconds without saying anything, because that’s his design you’re holding and he really hopes that you like it because he’s quite sensitive about his art.
“i can tell why yoongi wants to hire you here” you grin as you take the design to your table to trace it and jungkook walks over as you sit down and start tracing, pushing your glasses up your eyes.
“yoongi hyung wants to hire me here?” he asks with wide eyes and you nod happily, then pointed to his design, it’s a simple but well-done design and that’s really what matters.
“who wouldn’t want to hire you when you draw like this?”
at your compliment, jungkook feels like he could fly and tries to stop himself from grinning like a mad man.
“do you want this exactly the same as it is?”
“yep, just how it is.” jungkook then takes a look around the room, and he feels like for someone who is complimenting his art, you are exceptionally good yourself, he hums lightly as his eyes skim over the designs you have pinned on a board.
right now, in his eyes, you are not only the most beautiful person he’s met, but also the most creative because some of these designs have him intrigued enough to have them on his own body.
“where do you want it jungkook?” your voice makes him jump a little and he turns back from the board.
“ah you were looking at my board” you put down the glasses, getting up from your seat and walking over to him, jungkook panics, what if your designs were personal to you and he just completely invaded your privacy by looking at them?
“i’m sorry, i really didn’t mean to peek around or anything, they just fascinated me” jungkook explains with guilt laced in his voice as he fiddles with his fingers and you giggle a little at his reaction.
“it’s totally okay, which one do you like by the way?” you look back at the board you’ve carefully curated and then at him with the same bright and curious eyes he loves.
yep, he could die a happy man right now.
“i can’t pick one, all of them are good” jungkook replies with his answer right away, looking away from the side of your face and back to the board.
“that’s one way to flatter a girl” you tease lightheartedly and jungkook’s cheeks flare up almost immediately. but jungkook doesn’t want you to think that he doesn’t appreciate your art or that he only wants to woo you.
“no, don’t take this the wrong way but i really am not trying to flatter you, all your designs are so precise and detailed but still very unique and fresh, that is something i want with my designs, i want to learn from you.” his answer is honest and with no doubt at all, and for the first time, jungkook isn’t nervous in his actions or words, he’s more than confident in his compliment, he knows he means every word.
you almost do a double take at his words, no one has shown such respect to your art, sure you knew yoongi respected it, he wouldn’t have hired you if he didn’t but you don’t get more than an approving nod from him when you show him the designs, but jungkook, oh god jungkook, he just said all the words you’ve been waiting to hear since you started to take art seriously and he doesn’t even know you all that well, but he seems to know exactly how to make you feel special.
“thank you, like genuinely thank you so much and i would love to help you any day, you just have to ask” you can’t help but feel immensely grateful to jungkook and his encouraging words, you feel a lot more motivated to continue doing this.
“you don’t have to thank me, just telling the truth, is all” he smiles down at you and this time, you’re the one who’s blushing and looking away. you clear your throat and tilt your head, hating how your insides seem to be warming up too.
“so, where do you want it?” you walk away from him to slap some gloves and put your glasses on again, jungkook is sure that his favorite thing in the world right now is you in those glasses.
“above the elbow” he answers and takes a seat on the chair, making himself comfortable by stretching a little and moving until he settles, you bring out rubbing alcohol and start cleaning the area, gulping a little at the size of his biceps, and how they seem to flex unconsciously from time to time, the funny thing is, jungkook doesn’t even seem to know how attractive he is.
“are you nervous?” you ask gently, eyes darting to his face so that you stop staring at his arms and jungkook smiles at you cockily.
“not at all” his response makes you smile, his confidence with tattoos is definitely something you admire because you were a whimpering mess even when you got your fifth tattoo done and that’s exactly what you tell jungkook.
“who did your tattoos?” jungkook darts his eyes to your arm and winces a little as you start dragging the needle across his pale skin, which quickly turns into the color of the ink and you silently apologize even if you’re getting paid for doing this.
“yoongi did most of them, some i did for me, one i got when i was drunk so i don’t remember who but yeah that’s it” you answer him and he keeps asking you questions about your art, how you started out, your family and conversation flows easily between you two, like you’ve known each other forever.
and that’s how jungkook feels about you, you don’t feel new to him at all, almost like he was waiting to meet you all his life and now that you are finally here, it feels right. it feels just right.
jungkook notices how your eyes perk up every time you answer a question, so he assumes you love talking and that’s perfect because jungkook doesn’t talk a lot, he’s happy to let you do all the talking.
but his shy nature doesn’t stop him from answering everything you ask. even when you’re done tattooing, and only cleaning and sealing is left, you both don’t stop talking.
and just as he’s telling you about his friends while you’re wrapping his elbow, he notices a tattoo on your collarbone that he didn’t notice before and it’s a strawberry, a fading red and green strawberry right on your collarbone, something that is only visible when your shirt drops down your clavicle.
“your tattoo” he trails off, eyes trained on it and you nod with a smile, pushing your collar a little more out of the way so he could see it clearly.
“a strawberry” a strawberry, just like the one on his elbow now.
when jungkook was raking his brain for ideas, strawberries and the teddy bear scent was all his mind were clouded with, and even if he didn’t know where you two would go or if you would be seeing each other again at all, meeting you was something he wanted to remember, just in a more subtle way.
the design is a bit different from yours but it’s the same red and green strawberry that is fresh on his body.
did he just unintentionally get a matching tattoo with you?
“i’ve just loved strawberries a lot growing up, i used to make strawberry tarts with my mom a lot, this is just like a reminder of my childhood but hey, we have the same tattoo now” you excitedly say, it was one of the reasons you were so pleased with his design, you knew exactly what you felt about jungkook and unlike him, you weren’t as scared of feeling the things you did.
just like how you felt right to him, he felt right to you.
you always thought the idea of destiny or fate was corny, lame even, it never seemed realistic to you because why would two people, two completely different people, meet just to become one?
but as much as jungkook feels right, he’s also proving you wrong silently with how he keeps making it feel like it was fate that you two would meet.
you remember the jitters you experienced when you first saw jungkook in the shop, and silently observed him from a distance because you were trying to get a grip on how one person can make you feel so new but old at the same time, you remember the wide grin he gave your brother as he wrapped his tattoo, being polite but playful and that was when you knew you had to see him again.
so, what did you do about that?
you took your friends to a very expensive bakery after finding out from your brother (you had to work for free for one week so that he could give up that information) that jungkook works there, and you didn’t do a good job at hiding your interest but it seemed like he didn’t either, you weren’t deaf, you heard the way jimin chastised him, you heard the mug break, and all that while, you tried to stop yourself from giving the world a gracious smile with how things fell into place.
and that is when you felt ‘the premonition of love’.
you were sure jungkook would be in your life somehow the first time you saw him, the second time, you were already in love and the third time, you were waiting for him to fall in love too.
and you didn’t have to wait any longer because with the way jungkook couldn’t take his eyes off you as you circle around him, blooms hope in your chest that maybe you’re not the only one in love here.
“do you feel it too?” jungkook questioned suddenly, making you pause in the middle of wrapping his arm, looking at him unsurely, was he talking about what you think he’s talking about?
“what, jungkook?” you look up at him with your hands still loosely holding his arm and right then, jungkook knows you feel the same way, your hands are slightly tightened around his skin and you’re looking at him with so much vulnerability and hope. he feels good that he’s not crazy like he thought he was. he feels even better that you like him just as much as he did you.
“when you said i feel like i know you, and i didn’t have a clue to who you were, i’ve literally never seen you, i would remember you if i did trust me, but you still felt like someone i’ve known forever, like we’re just meeting after waiting? and god i don’t even know how to explain but i just, the only thing i know is that i love you, if it’s the idea of you or just you but yeah i really like everything about-“ after you finally got to hear the words, you quickly silence him with a soft kiss on the cheek and it works wonderfully because jungkook swallows his words up and stares at you with his mouth agape.
“i feel the same way” you whisper carefully and your eyes widen, then flutter close in bliss when he pulls you into his arms and nuzzles his face into your neck and you sigh in happiness because there’s no where else in the world you would be. because for once, jungkook is not running from his feelings but running towards them. and you, you are just glad to hold him.
“i’ve been wanting to do this since the day i saw you” he mutters against your skin and your heart does several flips at his soft tone.
“me too” you whisper back to him and you tighten your arms around him, falling in love shouldn’t be this easy but with him, it was the easiest thing you’ve ever done and you both feel the magic twirling around you, the same magic jungkook’s been fascinated by, the same magic you’ve been waiting to hold and now, it’s wrapping you up into your own little world that you never want to escape.
and as it turns out, jungkook starts working for yoongi shortly after, much to yoongi’s joy and jimin’s despair, after jimin whines for the 100th time that he’s getting lonely, jungkook takes up a shorter shift at the bakery to satisfy the shorter man, he still breaks a glass or two when you surprise visit him there, he sneaks the expensive desserts to you without anyone knowing but it isn’t that easy to escape jimin’s eyes who all but kicks you two out every time he catches you.
since jungkook doesn’t like being around people either, he works with you in the back room, away from the rest of the world and your magic only grows stronger the more time you spend with him, there isn’t anything about jungkook that you don’t want to know, you want to know it all and he wants to know all of you, slowly but carefully, he wants to know all your stories, all your feelings and you don’t disappoint.
he learns from you, you learn from him, he admires your mind, you admire his ever growing enthusiasm for new things, it isn’t long before jungkook starts tattooing you and himself, walking into work becomes a lot less dreadful with jungkook’s beaming smile right in the morning.
and you love, you love and love until there’s nothing left in you but love.
koi no yokan.
a single phrase that describes you both beautifully and accurately. like a fairytale coming to life, that’s what it feels like, a fairytale you want to become one with.
the first time you saw jin, it was at 4 am in the ‘24/7’ library you liked to go to. he was sitting all alone at a circular table, staring intensely at the books in front of him, his eyebrows had scrunched up and his lips were caught in between his teeth in concentration. he only strayed his eyes away from them to see you enter the room. blinking owlishly, he gives you a one over, curiously but then returns back to studying, seemingly not paying anymore mind to you.
you set your books in a table far away from his, and sat down in a huff. you don’t like being around people and even if this man is pretty, prettier than you’d like to admit, he still was no exception and you snort when you see all the sticky notes and highlighters he has out on the table.
what a dork.
you don’t give him too much thought either, instead opening up your books and getting lost in them, immediately taking down notes and groaning in frustration every now and then.
you were so lost in finishing your assignment that you don’t notice his gaze linger on you after he deemed it was safe to do so without getting caught by you. and he continues to do so because you don’t bother to lift your head to look at anyone and jin tilts his head as he plays with one of his highlighters while still looking at you.
did you have different textbooks?
because what could be so interesting that you haven’t looked up for the past hour?
jin shakes his head at himself when he realizes he’s been staring at a stranger like a creep for an hour now. he’s got his own papers to finish so he pats his cheeks roughly, mumbling an apology when the clapping sound makes people look at him with an annoyed expression and starts working again.
he feels slightly bashful because he broke one of the rules of midnight libraries which was no sound, absolutely no sound, not even your steps should make a sound. if libraries are quiet in the morning, they should be as quiet as a graveyard at night.
and the next time he looks up from his books, you aren’t there anymore.
this happens a couple of times throughout the days he sees you, he will see you walk in and settle with your books and even he’s checking every ten minutes to see if you’re there or not, you still manage to vanish into thin air when he doesn’t notice.
jin thinks you’re a ghost.
because he can’t understand how you move so quickly and quietly, even when he sees you in the library the next week, he’s startled because one minute he’s happily using his lime-colored highlighter on text that doesn’t need highlighting only to casually look up and seeing you in your usual spot.
and jin is so surprised that he almost falls out of his chair when you give him a side glance. he’s almost tempted to touch your cardigan to see if you’re even real or not because no one else acknowledges you except him. like literally everyone acts like you’re invisible or you actually are invisible and he just doesn’t know.
there’s a reason why no one acknowledges you but jin doesn’t know that.
you see, jin doesn’t think a lot before doing something and now the mystery of whether he’s discovered a ghost or not is greater than any future embarrassment he might feel.
he strides over to you and slightly pulls on your cardigan, and yes, he feels the fabric, you look pretty normal up close, you don’t have full black eyes or whatever shit ghosts have going on, and he heaves in relief.
“so, you’re real, thank god” it’s only after he mumbles those words, he realizes his blunder because insinuating that you thought someone (someone you’re attracted to) was a ghost wasn’t the greatest way to flirt and he definitely knows his answer if he decides to ask you out because you’re glaring at him so hard, he wants to run away.
yep, his answer would be a big fat no.
before he can apologize or explain why he thought you were a ghost or why he pulled on your cardigan, you shove past him with your books held tightly against your chest and leave but not without whispering curses at him the entire time.
jin fucked up, he knows he did and he couldn’t help but think how stupid he was to just randomly walk up to you, still a complete stranger and pull on your cardigan, jin also couldn’t help that you felt familiar to him, in a way he couldn’t explain.
so, the next time you walked into the library, he was about to come up to you and apologize but then he sees how you roll your eyes as soon as you spot him and even when he stands up to try and talk to you, you brush right past him with a scowl on your face.
jin doesn’t know what to do.
he doesn’t want to risk pissing you off even more but he knows that he has to apologize, butyou do look like you are going to kill him if he comes near you. and his life is kind of precious to him.
nevertheless, with fumbling fingers and twitching lips, jin slowly walks to where you are and before he even opens his mouth to speak, you’re cutting him off.
“what, are you going to pull my cardigan again?” you snap at him and he quickly shakes his head, eyes shutting because he cannot believe he got himself into this situation.
“you aren’t wearing a cardigan today” he mumbled and winced immediately when you cocked an eyebrow at him.
what is the fucking deal with him when he is around you?
where is his ‘be respectful, not an asshole’filter?
“don’t get smart with me” you practically growled, irritation sinking deeper into your skin and jin shamefully nodded.
he had that one coming.
“i just wanted to apologize, i didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable, i’m pretty sure it looked strange but my intention wasn’t that because the reason i even did it was- “he takes a deep sigh when he notices you sitting up straight, curious enough to want to know why he even pulled your cardigan instead of you know, saying hello like a normal person would.
“it was because i thought you were a ghost” he whispered, feeling the embarrassment settling deep in him as he explained and he snaps his eyes open to look at you when he hears your loud laugh. it gathers the attention of everyone else in the library but you don’t look like you care because you’re laughing so hard that your eyes have gathered tears.
jin doesn’t know why but he feels a certain warmth spread in his chest when he sees you looking so happy, even if it is because he embarrassed himself.
“why didn’t you just talk to me?” you said slightly breathlessly as you leaned back in your seat, a wide grin still on your face and jin felt himself smiling back at you.
“what if you were a ghost?” he retorted and you giggled again, jin was loving every minute of it. there’s nothing more ego boosting than someone you like finding you funny.
“strong point, can’t argue with that.” you lifted your hands in surrender and when you saw him laugh with his ears and cheeks all red, you knew you didn’t deserve whatever this handsome man had to offer.
you couldn’t get attached.
you didn’t deserve to be attached with anyone, especially not this guy who’s been making you laugh and forget about everything, even if it was for five minutes.
“okay, apology accepted, you can leave now.” you curtly nodded, voice devoid of any and all emotion and turned to open your books and jin was baffled because you looked so full of life not even a minute ago.
“you’re not even going to tell me your name?” and you don’t answer, instead staring down at your book even if your mind wasn’t grasping anything so jin shrugged to himself and left you alone even if he really wanted to stay and talk, or make you laugh more because you didn’t always look this happy, at least not in the times he’s seen you.
from then, jin didn’t bother you, of course he still looked your way whenever he could but he never went up to talk to you again and you couldn’t help but feel disappointed even if you were the one who pushed him away. a small solace for you was that you didn’t have to worry about getting attached anymore.
but jin is well, he’s jin and he’s hard to ignore.
so this time, you’re the one who looks up constantly with your pen caught in between your lips, you look up to see the handsome stranger across the room from you (you still don’t know his name) he doesn’t look too far from your age and you could only guess that you both went to the same university, you lean a little and squint your eyes to see any identification and sure enough he had a hoodie draped over the chair next to him and it had your university’s name on it.
how come you have never seen him around?
maybe he didn’t hang out near your block but you move around a lot so it’s puzzling that you have never noticed him before.
maybe he just had a tight circle of friends.
the next time you looked up, you saw him snoozing away with his book open in front of him. his precious highlighters are scattered around his head, he looked cute with his full lips and slightly flushed cheeks. absentmindedly, you gathered your books and sat down in the same table, still maintaining a good distance, not wanting to but looking over to see him every once in a while.
you giggled when his alarm rang and broke the silence in the very quiet, very empty library, so empty that it was only you and him, and a couple at the other end of the library but you were pretty sure they didn’t come here to study. jin snapped his eyes and hastily looked around to make sure no one caught him looking like a fool, only to meet your amused eyes.
and even if you didn’t want to, you started speaking.
“no loud noises in the library, don’t you know that?” you mused and pointed to the huge sign over your head which had the rule written on it in huge letters, a cheeky grin on your face only to laugh once more when he hurriedly bowed to you in apology.
he was still cute. and he was still making it really hard to not like him.
“it’s okay, just try not to sleep here, i can’t imagine the position being any comfortable” you chastised, you know this because once you fell asleep and woke up with such a cramped neck that you couldn’t move it for two days. you watched as his eyes danced over your face, pausing for a second or two and then lifting his eyebrow in a cocky way.
“thanks for the concern” jin smirked your way and you rolled your eyes, of course with a face like that, he was confident and that also made him attractive, it’s been a while since you’ve openly admitted to yourself that someone was attractive.
but it hasn’t been too long since you made the biggest blunder in your life.
you sighed, closing your books and thinking that this was enough studying for you today, not failing to catch jin’s panicked eyes looking at you.
you got up to leave, flinging your bag over your shoulder, and walking away, silently wishing for jin to say something and he didn’t disappoint. he wasn’t going to talk to you but you initiated the conversation this time so he took that as a green light to talk to you.
“wait, what’s your name? i’m jin!” he called after you, now standing in his seat. even from where you stood, his voice was clear as day so he must have been yelling.
“well jin, still no loud noises in the library, remember?” you smirked at him and laughed to yourself when you heard him groan and slump his shoulders.
just like that, you were gone. again.
jin doesn’t remember the last time he’s chased after someone but you looked like you were worth the chase so he brought out the big guns. he put a dent in his weekly budget and bought two expensive coffee infused drinks from the café in front of the library. all while he cursed capitalism, the café itself and even god because why the fuck did he have to pay 30$ for decent coffee?
that day, he kept close watch to the entrance of the library to catch you walk in and you did, looking even better than he remembers. as soon as you sit down in your usual seat, he walks over to you after gathering every bit of confidence left in him and you paused from writing your notes when you saw a shadow on them, looking up to see jin standing there with a nervous smile and two cups in his hands.
and dare you say, your heart fluttered.
“what are you doing jin?” you mused and he hated how much he liked his name rolling off your tongue. he hasn’t liked his name this much before, you just made it sound more beautiful.
“what does it look like? i’m trying to get your name.” and with that, he set a cup in front of you, and you see, it was very tempting to just sit here and get lost in a conversation with jin who seemed more than eager about it but it wasn’t so tempting when you remember your mistakes, you have hurt someone else too much to chat over coffee like this.
“i don’t like coffee.” but you can’t say no to jin.
jin sighs and just as he’s about to grab the cup and leave you, swearing to himself that he won’t return and also convincing himself to just drink the two expensive drinks himself, your voice stutters his movement to a halt.
“but there’s nothing wrong with trying it again, i guess” you sheepishly grab the cup and start sipping, not missing the relieved smile that settles on his lips and you smile back.
one conversation won’t hurt anyone.
-
turns out, jin is a lot more charming when he isn’t picking on your cardigan, and even more handsome up close. you almost choked on your breath when he leaned over the table to wipe an eyelash from your cheek. the coffee was good but you almost forgot to drink it because you were trying to find some, really any flaws in jin’s face, you didn’t find any. you tried to see flaws in his personality, you didn’t see any, or you just painted too pretty of a picture of him in your head but he really hasn’t given you any reason to paint an ugly one.
it was all too cliché. even now, bundled in your sheets, your hand unconsciously strokes where he touched you and warm butterflies fill your chest.
but you shouldn’t feel like this. last time you felt like this, you hurt someone and even if it’s been a few years since that, you don’t have it in you to forgive yourself because you really do think you don’t deserve to be with anyone.
and as much as you like jin, you know that’s it’s only a matter of time before he finds out about what you did and you’re terrified.
jin is the only person who has treated you like you deserved niceness in all these years and in your heart, you know you have to push him away, or either of you will get too comfortable to go.
and the idea of pushing him away only seemed to get harder the more days you spent with him later on, it was like whatever you two had was magnetic. you never told him your name though, masking your fear of him finding about you by just simply teasing him more. you would walk into the library and the first thing you saw was jin’s large grin and two coffee cups in front of him, and just like that, your heart felt lighter and you felt like letting your regrets go.
but regrets don’t just go, they cling to you, and they clung to you even when you dreamed of jin, they also clung to you when you wondered about what he was dreaming of, if it was you like you dreamed of him.
-
“so yeah, i cried to myself at midnight while watching coco instead of finishing my assignment and now, i’m doomed” jin, along with hoseok and jungkook, laughed at taehyung who was furiously typing away on his laptop.
“glad to know you can find joy in my misery.” taehyung clenched his teeth in mock anger and proceeded to anxiously check the time once again. from what he told them, this assignment was 20% of his grade and he was given a month to finish it. taehyung is starting it now.
taehyungisdoomed.
magnificently doomed.
“just finish your essay man” jungkook snickered when hoseok shook his head disappointedly at taehyung’s situation. and jungkook also noticed how jin kept looking around the cafeteria instead of laughing with him, his own eyes travelled to where jin was looking and he didn’t know jin found fading posters on their bulletin board interesting but here they were, staring at a particularly moldy piece of paper hanging on for dear life on that board.
“if you want to join knitting club, we won’t judge hyung” hoseok burst into laughter at jungkook’s words, almost spitting his drink out and jin shook off his haze, turning to playfully shove his younger friend off the table. and after flapping hands at each other for a minute and bickering until one of them backed out, jungkook looked a little concerned for jin because jin was never one to zone out or think too much.
“but no, what are you even thinking about?” jin hesitated to speak about you, he really didn’t know a lot about you, he just knew enough to know that he definitely liked you and you spent a lot of time together but you haven’t even told him your name.
and just as he’s thinking about you, he swears that it’s the ghost of you that comes into the cafeteria and you don’t spare a single glance at anyone, walking straight to the vending machine, a couple of eyes turn to look at you and jin misses the way hushed whispers are exchanged as soon as you’re in the room.
jin doesn’t have it in him to walk up to you today, you make him weak in the best way possible and he hasn’t prepared himself to see you in campus. and jungkook notices how jin’s eyes stray towards you, also noticing how he doesn’t look away until you leave the cafeteria.
jungkook knows what’s got his hyung all wind up.
“so, y/n?” jungkook muses, a teasing tone settled in his voice and jin chokes on thin air, he didn’t expect jungkook to know you, let alone know your name.
“you know her name?” he turns to jungkook with wide eyes and jungkook almost laughs at his comical expression, but his humility dies down the second he sees how serious jin looks, he sits up straight and clears his throat. he’s only seen jin serious a handful of times, and he didn’t enjoy any of those incidents.
“of course, i do, everyone does” jungkook shrugs and jin turns to hoseok and taehyung for confirmation. and sure enough, they both nod as well and jin almost lets out a screech at how everyone around him knows you but him.
seeing jin’s panicked expression, a realization dawns on his roommate, hoseok who smirks at his friend proudly after figuring out where exactly he had been disappearing off to these past few nights.
“is she the reason why you have been going to the library every day?”
“nonsense, i just want to get my grades up.” jin nervously utters out as his ears tinge red, he’s never been a good liar and his friends know and they enjoy watching him miserably struggle with his words.
“you haven’t turned in your assignments for two weeks now” hoseok pointed out with a broad, knowing smile on his face.
“are you stalking me?” jin narrows his eyes at his roommate, but his cheeks were definitely red with all the attention of the conversation turned to him.
“hyung, do you really not know anything about her? she literally was all people talked about when i was a freshman” taehyung said, looking up from his laptop for the first time since the past 10 minutes.
“don’t you have an assignment to finish?” jin questioned, raising his eyebrows at taehyung who didn’t seem to care at all.
“i’m failing anyway, i’ve come to terms with it.” taehyung had apparently decided that his luck wouldn’t save him this time and he was just too invested in the conversation they’re having right now to care about the assignment.
“seriously though, i’m still a junior and i know about her, how do you not?” jungkook piped up, looking at jin incredulously and jin sighed, there was no winning for him here.
“fine, she’s the reason i’m going to the library and i do like her a little but she never told me her name so i would very much appreciate it if you told me.” taehyung, jungkook and hoseok looked at each other for a second, silently debating on whether they should tell what they know or not. all while, jin’s eyes danced over the three of them as they continued to stare at each other and after coming to an unspoken agreement that jin indeed needs to know, taehyung finally breaks eye contact with them and looks at jin.
“y/n, she cheated on her boyfriend in her second year.”
jin didn’t know to react.
he imagined a lot of things about you but you didn’t look like a cheater, and he felt betrayed even if he wasn’t involved with you fully. it just felt like everything he knew about you became a blurry mess that he wasn’t sure of anymore.
how many other things have you been hiding from him?
and jin has never been the judgmental kind but cheating, to him, was pretty serious.
“her boyfriend was devasted and he apparently pulled this sympathy card, got everyone to feel bad for him and that made everyone hate her for a while, he was the campus go-lucky guy so when he got all sad, people got defensive and shit, it was a whole thing. from what i know, she lost a lot of friends after that and her now, ex-boyfriend continues to mop around about it, he’s like the typical good guy who got his heart broken so yeah, no one bothers to talk to her anymore.”
so that is why you’re always alone in the library.
-
you didn’t see jin in the library for a while and it confused you, even hurt you a little bit because even if you know you didn’t deserve his presence, he made you feel alive. you missed that feeling of not being an empty void which spoke two words at the most. he actually pulled sentences, paragraphs even from your mouth with little effort. you missed being around people in general but you understood why no one would talk to you.
because you were a cheater.
you broke someone’s heart.
and you knew you fucked up. you knew you fucked up the minute you woke up in someone else’s bed.
you knew you fucked up when you saw the disappointment, anger and then sadness fill your then boyfriends eyes as you told him what happened.
and it didn’t help that he was actually a kind but difficult person to deal with, it didn’t help that you stopped loving him a long time ago, you even doubted if you ever loved him at all.
but those were excuses to anyone who would hear them.
excuses from a cheater.
because cheaters and liars have all the excuses in the world.
that night became a catalyst for the end of your relationship and there was nothing else you needed more, but it felt like you stepped out of a cage only to fall into a hole.
your ex didn’t take the news too well, and word spread around so quick that even your teaching assistants knew about what happened and they shamed you, for your actions, for your underwhelming reactions to any provoking done by anyone because honestly, you felt numb.
you thought college was going to be this fun period in your life that you would enjoy to the fullest, which is why you even moved from home, you were excited to start this new chapter with an open mind and it all crashed down on you before you could embrace it. it all fell apart right in front of you and you couldn’t do anything but watch as your reputation crumbled into fine sand.
and you deserved it. nothing could excuse cheating, not even the shell you called a relationship, not your boyfriend who was actually a good person and didn’t deserve what you gave him, nothing could change that you were exactly what they called you, a cheater.
it took everything in you to not roll your eyes when he went around campus crying to everyone about how you betrayed him and absolutely broke him, and you felt like a horrible person because you were the reason he was hurt. but you didn’t feel anything. you still don’t feel anything.
but there was one emotion that filled you to the brim and tumbled over. one you won’t admit you feel.
regret.
regret filled your every inch with dangerous opacity, regret that you couldn’t love someone as nice as him, regret that you had to hurt someone to move forward, regret that that one night absolutely destroyed everything for you, regret that you’ll only ever be known as a cheater and nothing else in all your college life.
it’s painful to experience the end of something even if you’ve been anticipating it.
you didn’t love your ex-boyfriend but still the end of whatever you were, it killed you just as much as it killed him. there were still nights that you would dream of tracing his features with your hands in the dark while he softly hummed his favorite song to you, there were still days you missed going to the cafeteria with him and just being all wrapped up with him in front of all your friends, there were still days you missed what you were even if it weren’t good for you.
regret rots you from the inside out, slowly kills you but you act like nothing affects you but every whisper, every stare that lasts too long on you, it halts your movements and makes you close your eyes in pure anguish.
“i get that it’s 4 am and no one is actually okay at this time but why do you look like you’re trying to hold in a fart?” jin’s voice broke your daze, your eyes bouncing around to find where he was, only to see him standing to the side of you while holding two cups, and jin thought he was kidding himself when he saw your face momentarily give him a relieved smile.
“just thinking” you replied, voice a little shaky and nervous. and you straightened your posture when you saw jin looking at you with more seriousness in his eyes, none of his usual playfulness or mischief found, his face was blank and not lit up in a smile like it usually was.
did he find out?
the possibility of him finding out about what you did unnerved you a little. and the tension lingered in the air, with both his sour mood and your overactive mind.
“you know, you don’t have to get me this every time, i know these are expensive as fuck” you cheekily said when he slid one of the cups over to you and jin swore, he could’ve kissed you for being so understanding of his thin wallet.
“thank you, i will no longer be getting us drinks from that place, it’s like every time i go there, they increase the prices.” jin complained loudly, an angry pout on his face as he threw his hands around to exaggerate his frustration. and you bit your lip to stop yourself from laughing out loud at his red face. but you felt relieved that he didn’t seem as rigid as he looked when he came in.
“that’s true, they switch up their prices almost weekly besides, we have a coffee machine here in the library, why did you go till there?” jin’s mouth dropped as you said this.
this library had a whatnow?
“what do you mean, there’s a coffee machine here?”
“yeah, it’s right there, we have three of them actually” you pointed to the opposite side of the room and jin almost cried out in frustration when he saw the brand spanking new coffee machines, all shiny and ready to be used.
“it even makes caramel latte” you added in, just to humor his expression a little more. and his jaw drops further.
so, he almost blew his month’s allowance to get you coffee when there was a perfectly (and free!!) working coffee machine right here?
“great” he pushed his tongue into his cheek to try and conceal the frustration bubbling in him and it took everything in you to not snicker.
“why haven’t you been coming in these days? grades got too good?” you gave him a small smile, only to see that all the tension that dissipated had built back up when his eyes flashed with realization as to why he came here and he straightened himself back to same posture he had when he walked in-rigid and stern.
“i actually wanted to talk you about something” you knew exactly what he was going to ask you about but you settled to hear it from him first, you could already feel your stomach sinking, and you were foolishly hoping he would ask you about the coffee machines again.
“oh yeah? what is it?” you asked with pursed lips while your fingers nervously fiddled with the lid of the coffee cup and jin took a deep breath, contemplating whether to ask you or not but ever the forward person he was, he did.
“i heard a lot about you, just recently actually, i’m pretty sure you know what i’m talking about. but i don’t know how much of it i can believe so i want you to be honest with me and tell me what happened. before we go any further with whatever this is, i want to hear it from you, y/n.”
“so, you got my name?” you delayed answering his question by taking notice of him saying your name for the first time. your name falling out of his mouth made you shiver a little, you swore that no one else could say your name like he did, you ached to hear it from him again and again.
“it was surprising that everyone around me knew but i didn’t.” he shrugged, taking his coffee cup and peering at you from the top, waiting for you to talk.
you see, jin actually thought of never talking to you again, because your situation just felt too messy and he didn’t know if he wanted to get involved.
but then he also felt he was being unfair by not knowing both sides of what happened so what better way to solve his confusion than ask the person who is directly involved?
besides, jin has blown too much money on coffee just to keep talking to you to give up now. and he doesn’t even like coffee.
“you need to be honest with me, i’m not here to intimidate you into talking or whatever, i’m here to listen to your side” and something about the way his eyes softened when he saw your hands shake a little, and then taking your quivering hands in his made you want to tell him.
you wanted to tell him everything with just the pure openness in his eyes and his willingness to hear you out before he concluded something about the situation, it warmed your heart that at least one person wanted to see how you felt instead of calling you names behind your back.
even if you might never see him because he could be disgusted with what you did and what you felt, you told him. you told him what happened, you told him the feeling that pooled in you after that fateful night, the same feeling you wouldn’t even admit to yourself. you even told him how you wouldn’t change anything except someone getting their heart broken because your relationship ended even before you cheated on him.
you told him everything you wouldn’t even whisper into the night.
jin listened to all of it with utmost attention and you even searched his eyes for any signs of judgment but all you saw was kindness.
kindness you didn’t feel like you deserved.
“you know, you keep saying he was hurt but from what you said, you were hurt just as much.” jin was right. but you didn’t reply because you were scared of admitting that if it broke his heart, it had broken you all over.
you were just as hurt over what happened as your ex-boyfriend but you felt like you didn’t deserve to feel pain when you inflicted it. but pain is a two-edged sword, you felt the same pain just in a different way. it was still pain, it was still you crying every night because you had no one to wish you good night except your parents, it was still you avoiding going into the cafeteria just to avoid the way everyone looked at you, your pain was still pain.
and no one but jin understood that.
“do you regret it?” he finally asked, pushing his cup away and looking at you pointedly.
“i regret cheating on him, not the breakup” you replied honestly, gulping a little and he hummed.
there was a tense pause in the air as you warily eyed him for any reaction but he didn’t give you any, keeping a stoic face and you felt like you couldn’t breath with how silent everything got, thankfully he gave your heart a break by speaking again.
“that’s fair enough. next time, let’s just get the coffee here.” he ended his sentence with a gentle smile which almost made you cry out of happiness because he didn’t run away.
he listened to the worst of you and stayed.
and you clung to his words ‘next time’ more than you thought you would.
-
jin meant what he said, he understood you were having a hard time too and he assumed alienation at college would be pretty harsh considering almost everyone knows everyone on campus. it must have been hard for you when everyone knew about your worst mistake and talked about it like it was teatime gossip.
but jin’s met tons of people in their worst moments, he’s learned to appreciate and admire the strength that individuals have to overcome shit instead of judging them for it.
he met jungkook when he seemingly had no aim and was just a lost young boy who was temperamental or sometimes too shy, he met hoseok when he was going through a rough breakup and was still trying to find himself, he found taehyung when he was a lot sterner and lacked understanding of others. and all his friends have been through their own shit, jin’s been through his fair share of shit too, he’s seen all of them and himself grow into who they are today and he’s proud of them and him too.
but jin knows you’ve already grown through the experience, now you just need to heal and be accepted again, and if no one else does that, he will. not because he was a hero or something, he just felt he couldn’t miss out on knowing someone like you just because you made one mistake.
jin didn’t give a shit about hushed whispers or the weird you would sometimes get when you held his hand, he could hear them calling him a fool for being with you but again, jin was determined to give you a chance for yourself and he wasn’t going to back down.
his unshaking faith in you made you believe in yourself too, he introduced you to his friends who were just as welcoming as he was. he felt his heart warm when you held his hand tighter each time someone would start a conversation with you, like you still needed him even with all those people around, jin felt like he could die a happy man, it didn’t take you long before you got comfortable around people again. 
jin couldn’t be prouder.
even right now, the library is still your favorite place, even after several days of spending time with each other, jin couldn’t deny how much more lively and confident you looked as you sat in front of him. this time with coffee made from the library machines near your hands and jin almost leaps from his seat when you look like you’re going to knock them over, you don’t even notice how his hands reach out and hold the cup still, instead just going back to write on your brightly colored flash cards (you have taken a liking to bright stationery because of him, you’ve even gone on dates to stationery stores just for the heck of it.)
jin feels endeared and lets out a light chuckle, because you look very cute with your eyebrows scrunched, lips in a slight pout as you furiously jot down points, your hair ever so slightly falls on your face, you just seem so into your own world and like you’ve tuned out everyone else.
but he also frowns at the realization that you’ve probably gotten used to not having anyone around and tuning out everyone was the easiest way you could deal with being alone. he knows that feeling creeps back in you even if you are doing better now.
so, he picks up his books and bag in a hurry making you look up at him with widened eyes, and just as you are about to ask him where he’s going, he seats himself right beside you.
he’s determined to never make you feel lonely again.
he’s also determined to prove to you that it’s okay too feel everything you do, be it pain, be it happiness.
he feels like he’s in love? he feels exactly like what they’ve been calling him, a fool.
a fool in love to be more specific, a fool because just by sitting there, you make him want to fight the world for you.
and jin is okay with being a fool. he’s okay with being a fool for you.
namjoon, a person who seemingly has answers to everything, never got the answer as to why you both drifted off.
did you both grow out of love? no, it was evident in the quivering lips and glassy eyes when you saw each other for the last time that love indeed still persisted between you two.
did you grow out of each other? no, namjoon still strongly believes that you’re the most fascinating person he’s met and he remembers how you found his mind to be the brightest of them all.
maybe the love became too much at some point. maybe love just wasn’t enough.
he’ll never know.
but something went wrong.
and it went wrong very quickly, so quickly that namjoon couldn’t even give you the one thing he promised you he would.
a love letter.
“you know, for a world-renowned lyricist, and as that lyricist’s girlfriend, i’ve never gotten a letter from you” you teased him one rainy day and he remembers the breathless chuckle that left his lips.
“do you want one?” he fiddled with your fingers that were held in his hand.
“a letter from the kim namjoon? there’s nothing else i want more” and even as the sky crackled behind the windows, and rain continuously beat them, you both could only look at each other. you looked at each other like ‘damn the rest of the world, i only have eyes for you’.
and that’s when namjoon decided that he was going to write you a letter alright, he was going to write you the best letter ever.
namjoon stared blankly at the words scribbled on the page, frowning every so often, his words were, to put it in one way, powerful. he didn’t know he was capable of feeling such strong emotions but he did know that you brought out the best in him. and the best of him was spilled on this one page that was still half empty.
namjoon felt just as empty.
he wasn’t near breaking down or crying himself to sleep, but namjoon wasn’t happy, he couldn’t deny this hollowness in his chest that’s been lingering for days now and he doesn’t need anyone else to tell him that it was because of you, he knows it. namjoon knows it all except, like mentioned before, why you both ended it but it was an unwritten realization, that it was for the best.
another thing namjoon doesn’t know is why he grabs his favorite pen, the pen he uses to write his famous lyrics, he got a new one for the album they’re working on now and starts filling in the empty space, almost feeling like he was filling himself with the emotions that he misses so dearly.
namjoon was going to give you that letter.
even if you might not want it anymore.
-
it’s been almost a year since you’ve seen namjoon and it felt like time was cruel enough to make that year feel like an eternity. it both felt like just yesterday that you and namjoon were visiting museums together and also like forever since you’ve both cuddled in whenever the weather got worse.
and you don’t know if it was good or bad that you still remember everything.
you remember how he carefully used to handle things that belonged to you because he knew you cherished them, he still broke a few but it’s the effort that counts, how you used to nap in his studio whenever it got too long and always woke up with a blanket wrapped around you, how you both used to skip around parks and also the time namjoon taught you how to finally ride a bike.
you stupidly remember it all.
you were quite sure namjoon had forgotten about you and moved on because you were just a chapter in his story that still had a long way to go. you didn’t blame him, you were trying to forget him as well, it’s just he was probably successful in forgetting you and you weren’t as successful as you’d like to be.
but to your surprise, you came home to a letter in your mailbox. you never get letters, so this left you more than a little curious as you turned the dainty lilac-colored envelope in your hand to reveal an all too familiar handwriting scribbled on top.
‘from: kim namjoon’
you expected a lot of things from namjoon but none of them came close to the letter that you held in your hand. and you couldn’t help the way your heart seemed to skip a beat only to shatter on the ground a minute later. it dawned on you that it could be a goodbye letter, and you hated goodbyes. but namjoon had never liked loose ends, he liked his endings to make just as sense as the beginnings, so you probably shouldn’t have been too surprised that he sent it.
you slowly set down your belongings and walked into your house, placing the letter on table, staring at it for a little, wondering if opening it will only hurt you more or not.
but did you even care if it will hurt?
all you’ve been this year, is hurt.
all you’ve felt this year, is hurt.
so, what’s one more letter? and he bothered enough to send it all the way to where you’ve moved. so yeah, you will read it. you could feel goosebumps rising on your skin as your fingers lightly grazed the paper, admiring his handwriting, namjoon has always had such beautiful writing.
you hastily tore open the envelope and turned it upside down, a single piece of paper, which was neatly folded fell out on the ground, you sat down next to it and with shaky fingers, you started reading the words of the man you used to love, you still love, so much.
to the love of my life, (you still are)
9/10/19
today, with beaming eyes and a happy smile on your face, you jokingly asked me for a letter and who am i to deny you? even with the breaking sky above us, you managed to make me feel like the lightest cloud floating in it and with that, i start this letter, a bare heart and with a hope that my pen doesn’t run out and also that you won’t find it, this is my little surprise to you. i will write it, day-by-day, on days i especially thank the world for giving me you so i hope as the girlfriend of world-renowned lyricist kim namjoon, that you find this satisfactory.
i love you.
19/10/19
i came back to this paper after promising that i will wait for a bit to finish it but you have me breaking all of the promises i’ve made for myself, one of them being don’t fall in love until you’re ready and i was never ready for you and the stars you’ve aligned for us.
but i’m still in love, and i don’t mind it at all.
you woke me up just in time for me to make it to work and because i was in such a hurry, you took over the one duty that i have, breakfast.
at first, i felt guilty that even if you were rushing to get to work, you still didn’t get mad at me for not waking up earlier, you just gave me a sleepy grin when i thanked you. and then i tried looking at it in a more positive light, you work hard for yourself and me and i’m grateful.
i’m grateful to you, even if it is something as simple as breakfast, i’m grateful. and i will start waking up earlier, i want to do more for you.
i love you.
11/11/19
today, we went to pottery together!
and we didn’t manage to make anything and it wasn’t a surprise to either of us because our pots broke even before they could get toasted in the oven. it was just us, a private class in the middle of a forest and there was a mild drizzle of rain from the sky. and now as i write this, i realize whenever it rains, i fall more in love with you, the idea of you and everything about you.
i decided to write again today because it was a wonderful day, we laughed a lot and we smeared a lot of clay on our face and you had the nerve to call my pot a masterpiece.
y/n, as much as i appreciate your kind soul, my pot literally looked like shit.
and you laughing right after you said that it was a masterpiece, kind of gave away the fact that you didn’t mean it.
but i’ll let it go because you looked cute. you always look cute.
and oh look, you’re calling me for dinner, i will come back to this again.
i love you.
22/1/20
you weren’t yourself today but that’s okay, we all have our days, it did hurt when you didn’t let me hug you but again, i understand. you had a difficult day and i wish i could take all your pain away, all your troubles, i wish i could burn them to the ground and not even let the ashes remain.
but i can’t do that.
i can only watch you lie to me that you aren’t crying, that you are okay.
i hope you know that you don’t have to lie, never to me.
i can see the tears on your face, i’m sorry i’m not strong enough to come and wipe them away, i’m scared that you’ll only go further away from me. and to me, you’re lost today. i hope you find your way back to me. i will wait with open arms.
i love you.
22/2/20
love is as deep as a sea, i remember reading that in a book. and i didn’t fully realize the meaning till i met you.
everything has made sense since i’ve met you. and it’s true, love is like a sea, i keep discovering new things about it every day, i keep discovering all these habits of yours, i’ve started speaking in the way you do and even the members have noticed, they haven’t stopped teasing me since this afternoon, even right now, they’re hovering around me and trying to read this letter but don’t worry, i have it out of their view, this is only our little secret.
you came to the studio, you brought all of us food and drinks with that grin on your face that i love so much, the members immediately bounced to you and that is when i saw how perfectly fit in my life, from my view, you, and the members, are my family. and my family is so lovely.
what did i ever do in my life to have all of you in it?
okay jungkook’s getting nosy, let me stop here.
i love you.
16/4/21
so, it really is over.
i don’t have it in me to say it’s okay or it’s all right.
because it’s not.
i’ve never been a good liar, i couldn’t hide about how i felt about you then and i can’t do it now.
y/n, i’m exhausted, your face used to be the first thing i saw every day when i woke up and somehow, even on the worst days, that was enough for me to pull through because i could fall asleep next to it.
i can’t do that anymore, and even if it’s been a year, it’s just sinking in for me now.
but i’m dealing. i feel empty but i am not totally miserable. the members don’t say it but they miss you too, they keep looking at me sadly but they’re also cheering me up, don’t worry about them or me too much.
i’m sending you this because i couldn’t keep a promise even if i tried when we were together so i want to make up for it, i’m keeping this one promise, i hope it’s worth it.
sad to say this, but my pen did run out, this is a new pen, it’s a little gritty but it works, and i don’t know why i’m telling you this but the pen i started the letter with lasted just as long as we did, so now, i see that as our hourglass, i just wish it hadn’t run out so quickly. i hope i got to say i love you to you one last time before it ran out. it’s all useless now anyway.
but even if it hurts, even if i haven’t moved on, i’m happy.
i’m happy i got to know someone with a mind as beautiful as yours.
i’m happy i spent my days loving you. because loving you is bigger than any award i’ll hold.
i hope you look back at us with fondness and not regret.
and i hope you move on and someone else loves you, maybe love you better than i did because you deserve it, you deserve all the good in the world. i’m sorry i couldn’t give it to you.
but remember me, yeah?
i love you.
the end,
from your kim namjoon.
the letter has smudged ink near the end, from both his and your tears and you desperately re-read the letter again, like you were grasping to any pieces that were left of you two. it slightly crumbles from how tight your grip was on it.
and this isn’t the story in which you run after him to get back with him after you read this, you don’t go knocking on his door waiting for him to answer and then finally fall into his arms to end your pain and his.
no, this is the story in which you clutch the cream-colored paper to your heart and silently cry your eyes out because the worst realization of reaching the end of it was, both that it was the last words that you’ll ever hear from namjoon and also that no one would love you like he did.
he will remain as that one beautiful chapter in your story that you’ll go back to visit every now and then, only to cry at the ending.
and you feel a bitter gratefulness that you got to experience a part of your life with him so you don’t mind that it hurts, you’ll kiss this chapter a sweet goodbye.
but you have your own loose ends; you have your own feelings that need to be spilled. you feel like you will explode if you don’t close this chapter in your story. you might just never finish moving on to the next one if you don’t. you too, have a lot to say even if you two are over.
so, you grab a pen, hover over your desk with a faint dangling light above you, a small smile dances on your lips and you start writing to him,
genre: fluff, crack, tiniest bit of angst (2.4k) (request for @ofrosesandteacups) i hope you enjoy reading this one as much as you liked your previous one, thank you for your request :]
summary: he doesn’t want you to leave but jungkook isn’t cruel enough to stop you either.
now that jungkook’s seen it, it’s all his mind can think of and frankly who can blame the poor guy?
“to y/n,
we have been reported of your consistent pattern of growth and development in our seoul branch. we would love to have someone with your skills, expertise, and experience to join us in the states, particularly our main branch in los angeles, you will be guaranteed a contract of at least six months, it can be negotiated for further extension and your salary can be negotiated to a number that we can together deem fair as well. if you are interested in this offer, contact us on xxxxxxxx and our company’s e-mail is open to anything from you. we hope you consider us, thank you.”
he doesn’t know how many times he’s re-read the same sentences but all he knows is that the gravity of the situation isn’t fully sinking in for him. he bites his lip nervously as he shuts the laptop down, grimacing at the wall behind it. he feels his eyes starting to water from the pure frustration that filled his body.
you could be leaving.
he checks the date and it’s been almost a month since you’ve received this so you’ve probably already made a decision.
any minute, you might leave and not tell him for his own sake. you know how sensitive he is and you’re too nice to break his heart, so you would break the news to him very gently and then leave while pressing a kiss to his forehead. (jungkook knows everything about you at this point and he’s 99% sure this is how you’re going to do it. and he’s right).
and fuck him but that offer sounds great, good pay, steady contract, main headquarters, and as a cherry on top, it’s where your family lives as well. your family that he knows you miss a lot, every time they video call, you have the brightest smile on your face as you excitedly tell them everything, but as soon as the call ends, jungkook’s never pointed it out but he’s seen the way your eyes gather tears sometimes, he fucking knows how much they mean to you. and this offer is perfect, you get to be with them again.
you really have no reason to reject this.
but.
BUT.
hear him out.
as selfish as he sounds, what about him?
are you going to leave him behind, forget him, move on with someone else all while being successful and growing even more in your career?
why does that bother him so much?
he should be happy for you; this offer works out for you in every way possible and this is one more step for you to go to a remarkably prominent position in your career.
heis happy for you.
he’s overjoyed that you’re finally being recognized for your hard work and that people are coming with offers to you that they wouldn’t just give to anyone and he also knows that a higher pay can make you feel more at ease financially and you can finally buy that car you’ve had your eye on (jungkook offered to buy it for you both and you told him you would break up with him if he did so he’s steering clear from the car).
“what did the wall do to you, my beloved?” you stifle a chuckle when you come out of the bathroom to see jungkook wide-eyed and staring at the wall like he was burning holes into it. at the sound of your voice, he quickly snapped out of it and offered a small smile.
you didn’t know that he knows about the offer, and he doesn’t want you to know that he knows about it. but he wanted you to know that he will love and respect any decision you make because this is your life and it’s fine if you have to break up, he’s going to cry himself to sleep for a week, give a two-day break and then get back to crying because if he cries for too much, his eyes get puffy and stay red for too long and for heavens sake he can’t have anyone at work ask him during lunch why he’s crying with a literal sandwich stuffed in his mouth, and-
he needs to get a fucking grip, he’s spiraling.
“you know that i love you, right? and that you can do whatever you want because it’s your life and i’m no one to stand in your way” he blurts out as he pretends to read a book, hand rubbing his chin as if he was in deep thought.
congratulations to jungkook for never learning the art of being subtle.
“um thanks? but i already know all that baby” you laugh a little at his sudden confession for his unfaltering support to you. he lightly nodded, his mind clouding with thoughts of you leaving him for someone else who wouldn’t be such a burden to you and you deserve so much be-
and you interrupt him.
can’t a man think without being interrupted in this house?
“jungkook, babe?” you call out to him from where you stand, fluffing the towel on your hair with an amused grin on your face.
“yes babe?” he turned to you with sparkly eyes and a wide grin at your nickname.
“you’re holding the book upside down” you muse and then get back to drying your hair. he freezes and looks back at the book.
he is indeed holding it upside down, he’s been holding it this way this entire time.
wow.
how did he not notice that?
because he was too busy thinking of scenarios in which one of your work mates in america would swoop you right up with a dashing smile and that american accent you find hot (you don’t, but jungkook is too far down his own rabbit hole to correct that), and you would bat your eyelashes at them, they would wink at you and you would blush while looking away and then shyly accept their offer to dinner. you would forget all about jeon jungkook from seoul, korea and get engaged to that person, and jungkook, who is still very much in love with you, would attend your wedding and then cry at the reception while he drinks that champagne you like, he will walk up the stage with a forced grin and congratulate you and then fucking watch you drive away in your honeymoon car with that person.
and jungkook’s feeling just toasty about the whole thing. sometimes he wonders if he would do well as a drama writer. (he would do excellently.)
this would be a good time for one of his friends to call him so he can get away from this.
“now that i know you’re not actually reading, what is going on? you’ve been on edge for the past hour, you know you can tell me anything, right?” you sit down on the bed with a soft smile aimed his way and he sighs, putting the book down.
fuck, you’re too good to him.
when you speak to him in that gentle tone, jungkook doesn’t have it in him to reject your request. and even if you aren’t asking for anything, jungkook wants to give you the whole world. because in his eyes, you deserve the whole world, fuck the world, jungkook thinks the universe should be grateful that someone like you exists in it, he finds beauty in your very existence.
that’s how deep he is in it for you.
but he’s also afraid that he will never be able to give you the world he’s sure you deserve, he knows he gets busy and that he cancels dates and even if you don’t show it, he knows you get disappointed sometimes, he knows that you want to spend every day with him and trust him when he says he would rather stay in with you all day instead of stepping out but he has no choice in this. he knew what he was getting into when he chose the idol life and he can’t, doesn’t want to, back out now.
“i know that you get hurt when i can’t come on dates” he says, finally looking up to see you adjust your position to face him even more, eyes alarmed at his serious tone.
“jungkook, i know what i signed up for when we started dating, and yeah, it hurts sometimes but it’s okay, i know that you don’t do it on purp- “
“please let me finish” he whines out, and you immediately purse your lips, letting him talk.
“for me, you deserve a lot more than me. we don’t go out on dates enough, on a week night, we see each other for thirty minutes before going to sleep and in the morning, we’re both rushing to get out of the house and babe, i love you, a lot, and i never want to hold you back from what you deserve, even if it means leaving me behind” you open and close your mouth like a goldfish because you don’t quite understand where he’s going with this.
is he trying to break up with you?
“so it’s okay if you choose to go to america, the offer is great, i looked up the building and it’s so close to your parents home, so you can even meet them for lunch, and i’m sure there’s a lot of attractive men and women in america for you to meet and i completely support that, your happiness is all that matters to me” he concludes with his voice cracking and eyes all lined up with tears. he can’t imagine waking up and not seeing you but that’s okay, he can bring back his plush toys from namjoon to cuddle. better yet, he’ll just bring namjoon home so he can have someone to cuddle when he’s sleeping. namjoon wouldn’t mind.
what else are friends for?
“you’re such an idiot.” you fall back into the bed with a huge grin on your face, your heart feeling all giddy from his words. but jungkook isn’t enjoying this half as much as you are.
he’s what now?
did he hear you right? did you just call him an idiot?
“did i say something wrong? i just wanted to let you know that i support you all the wa-“
“jungkook, i’m not going to america, i rejected their offer a long time ago.”
you what now?
well, that’s a relief, you could’ve told him ten minutes so he wouldn’t go through two panic attacks but jungkook’s finally feeling like he can breathe again.
you’re not leaving, thank god.
now that he thinks of it, he was so fucking dramatic for nothing. nothing !!
“then why was the stupid mail open on your laptop? i gave myself a heart attack with that shit” he complains loudly as you happily laugh at his misery, cooing and kissing his cheek when he falls into the bed next to you.
“i used that mail to get myself a raise here, i showed it to the branch manager here and let him know how much they were willing to offer, and it didn’t take long for him to agree to a higher price just to keep me around” you have a proud grin on your face and jungkook is in awe at how smart you are.
“my little genius” he sings while peppering kisses on your face, which you giggle into and push him away after a minute.
“i’m more than happy that you’re staying but why aren’t you going back though? you miss your family and this could be a good opportunity to see them” he gets all quite and worried after he says that.
he doesn’t want you to reconsider, he wants you to stay but he knows that this could be good for you. he doesn’t want you to waste your choices.
“i miss them, but i’m fine with video calls and visits, and they are too, we are making it work somehow and besides, if they see me every day, they’re going to complain about everything i do to which i say no thank you, i’ll keep my ass here” jungkook laughed as you scowled at the thought of your parents eventually getting sick of you.
“and besides” you looked at him with those same gentle eyes that he’s so fond of.
“i have a family here too, and i can’t bear missing them” and jungkook cried, like actually cried, he scooped you into his arms and rocked you both back and forth while crying because oh my god, you think of him and the members as family and he’s sure that he’s going to marry you no-
too far.
but even when he’s crying into your arms and you’re patting his back, completely amused at how sensitive he can be, he’s still more than relieved that he doesn’t have to worry about some white dude hitting on you. the mental image itself made jungkook want to punch a wall.
and yeah, jungkook is definitely putting a ring on it. (how can he not, you called him family !!)
his heart can only take so much.
now, he’s going to use his perfect drama writing skills to plan out the most dramatic, fantastic proposal that anyone’s ever seen which will make you cry.
he’sdead set on making you cry because he’s sick of being the only one who cries in your relationship. (you didn’t even cry while watching titanic and jungkook was half-convinced you were heartless, and would have continued to believe that if it weren’t for you loving him the way you do, he loves you but he’s going to see you cry when he proposes, just wait and watch.)
so don’t interrupt his thoughts again please, a man needs to think in his house.
“should i buy that car as a celebration of you staying?”
“i will go see which flight tickets are available to america.”
you, jimin and taehyung met in high school, and man, were you three a force to be reckoned with. skipping classes together and sitting at the back of the class talking till the bell rang or till the teacher threw a piece of chalk on one of you, being the ‘fun’ classmates and sometimes accompanying them to practice and eventually meeting the other members but because you were still a student with an academic career and they were on their way to be idols, you three unfortunately drifted away a little after high school was over.
you only met them a few years after their debut, when they were no longer park jimin and kim taehyung from class but world-famous artists (and taller) jimin and v, and you were no longer a high school student but a overwhelmed and stressed out university student (you sadly didn’t grow too much from high school, heels are your best friend), though you were in a happy place at life, you had people around you that made it feel like the world wasn’t crashing on you, those people included your two high school mates now.
you had only watched their videos and shows from a screen, silently cheering them on, never once thinking that you would meet again but fate is funny sometimes, so you met by chance, and because of how strong of a trio you were and the countless memories you shared, you immediately found comfort in each other like the old days, wanting to catch up on the time you lost together, knowing it was fate that you three were together again, and spending as much time as you could considering their busy schedules and your own mountain of assignments.
either way, you made it work. meeting them again also meant meeting their members again, and you really did a double take at how much they’ve grown over the years, and they grew so well too, all of them much taller, with sharper features and deeper voices and despite the early awkwardness which caused you to escape into one of the two’s rooms, you eventually found a way to make small talk with each of them without wanting to run away so according to you, you handled meeting new people well even if it made you anxious, so an A+ for you!
the closest you got to the other was to jungkook and that was because both of you loved video games so when jimin and taehyung were pre-occupied, you would often just disappear into jungkook’s room and joined him, you had a quiet but meaningful friendship.
you never noticed yoongi though that much, the guy who followed your every movement in the dorm subtly, trying not to give away his interest in you too much but because yoongi was a bad actor, everyone except you knew about his little school crush on you.
and you see, yoongi was easy on the eyes, a handsome but quiet man with similar interests as you or so you’ve heard, you were intrigued at first but you felt that he was too out of your league so you always dismissed his acts of kindness like bringing you your favorite dessert whenever he goes to the café (he goes there only for you but will die before he admits it) or always laughing a little more loudly at your (usually not that funny) jokes and checking in on you and jungkook playing by asking if you’d eat or drink anything, you dismissed all this because in your head, yoongi was just that nice guy; the kind of guy who will go the extra mile for people around him.
so, you forced yourself to bury your crush on him.
but one thing that you couldn’t just dismiss as kindness was when you spent the night at their dorm in the guest room (because your roommate had someone over), breaking your head over an assignment that you had to finish in an hour and then prepare for a test you had the next day.
and while you were crying and stressing out over that as quietly as you could, yoongi came into the room, more than a little concerned when he went to the kitchen to grab a glass of water only to hear whimpers (he initially was more concerned that there was a ghost in the dorm), he handed you the glass he filled for himself and settled beside you, quietly asking how he could help. in your delicate state, you poured out your worries in between sobs and he patiently listened, patting your back hesitantly once in a while and after you were done ranting, he simply asked for the material you need to go over for the test, taking it into his hands and wheeling away from you, just telling you to focus on your assignment for that moment.
though confused, you trusted him which is why you did what he told you to, feeling a little more at ease with his presence in the room, and after you finished your assignment, you turned to see him making flash cards with important questions for your test and your heart did a little dance in your chest. you thanked him with a beaming smile, excitedly sitting down next to him on the floor and helping him sort them out and yoongi felt himself getting shy with you so close to him, his body jerking away a little every single time your skin brushed against his.
you spent the rest of the night going through the flash cards together, sometimes getting off topic and just talking about random things, yoongi felt himself getting tired sometimes but sleep was the last thing on his mind when you looked so happy next to him, he felt good that he could help take at least some of your worries away.
by the time you two were done with the flash cards, sun peeked through the curtains, reminding you of how much time has passed since you’ve both sat on that floor together, and honestly, it didn’t feel like any time to you at all, and now, you had a submitted assignment and you were prepared enough for the test to not fail. you both lazily made coffee together, not speaking at all but sneaking glances at each other when you were sure the other wasn’t looking only to make accidental eye contact sometimes. it all felt so delicate, and so pure, but also with lingering thoughts that you would jump on him if you could.
you both didn’t utter a word, and just let the comfortable silence settle in beautifully.
you left the dorm with taehyung and jimin (who offered to drop you off at your college because it was in the way of wherever they were going) you looked very happy, with your crush on yoongi creeping back from where you buried it, and occasionally grinned at nothing at all, which creeped the soulmates out and when they asked, out of concern, what the fuck was up with you, you just simply gave them a happy sigh, confusing them even more.
and all was going well, your test went swimmingly and you felt like you were on cloud nine.
but good things never last, do they?
as soon as you returned home from college, head still in a happy daze as you tried to come up with ways to pay back yoongi for all his help. a lunch, or a dinner, or you could buy him something he wants. you fished your phone out to ask jimin and taehyung for help with the ideas but your eyes widened as you saw the number of notifications you already had and fifty messages from them.
“what the fuck happened?” you screeched as soon as you picked up taehyung’s call and you heard him let out a heavy sigh.
“listen, whatever i’m going to say, just know that we’re already figuring things out for now and it will be settled soon” you wordlessly nodded, preparing yourself for the worst and the worst didn’t disappoint. you heard shouting in the background and winced a little.
“okay so, take a deep breath first, remember me and jimin dropped you off today? yeah, some paparazzi took photos of you hugging me and jimin goodbye and it’s all over everywhere now” your mouth dropped open as you heard him continue to talk but you couldn’t listen anymore.
you had been pretty careful and you knew what this meant for their career as idols, you knew it wasn’t good for them and you felt horrible.
“taehyung, i’m so sorry, i’m sure you’re in a mess right now and i am so sorry for putting you in this, i don’t know what to say, tell jimin i’m sorry to- “you profusely apologized with tears lining your eyes.
“hey” taehyung interrupted you.
“what?” you whimpered.
“can you shut the fuck up? you sound crazy” you scoffed at his words, of course he was going to show you attitude even in this situation and he chuckled at your annoyed mumbling of curses directed to him.
“we’re fine, we are talking about it with the company and they’re going to release a statement, just try to cover your face when you go outside or better yet, just to be safe, don’t go out for a while, your semester is over for now anyway” he instructed and you obediently nodded, not wanting to blow this anymore out of proportion, knowing that staying low was the best decision for now.
“and also, this kills us too, but we won’t be able to meet for a while” he winced when he heard your disappointed sigh but you quickly forced a small smile.
“that’s okay, stay safe, okay? and eat well, and i’m sorry again, i was being inconsiderate to your career and responsibilities.” you heard him groan when the shouts behind him got louder.
“you don’t have to apologize, it’s okay, it happens, now i have to go and get a lecture from our manager so call you later, love you, bye and we’re also sorry that we couldn’t hang out normally just because of our careers” you heard both concern and regret in his voice, you knew he loved his job but sometimes he just wanted to go out without being scared of cameras following him and before you could squeeze in your words of concern, the line went dead.
you threw your phone aside, any thoughts of romance draining from your body, you felt a raging headache just from thinking of the number of people who would leave nasty comments on your photos, you quickly deleted your social media accounts, and informed concerned friends that everything was okay, and then slumped into your bed to avoid the temptation of looking at some of those comments, you knew they weren’t going to be good, and you couldn’t do anything about them so you tried to push all thoughts of wanting to open your phone.
it worked.
you didn’t touch your phone until absolutely necessary for three days, only reaching for it to answer calls from your parents and jimin, taehyung and sometimes jungkook who was more concerned than you thought, you assured them that you were okay.
on the first day, bighit released the statement.
“we would like to address some rumors concerning our artists park jimin and kim taehyung (v) of bts, we confirm that the person in the photos is just a close friend of theirs, who happened to be hanging out that day, and we ask you to not pry into their personal life, if unauthorized photos are taken in the future, severe legal action will be taken, thank you.”
it was short, clear, and strict.
and you were happy to see that most of their fans didn’t mind at all, saying their private life is theirs and who they are friends with, isn’t the scandal media makes it out to be, there will still a lot who didn’t like it and cursed you out in every language they knew, it hurt you sometimes but you tried your best to stay away from it all. you remained at home, refusing to step out for anything except groceries, which you did while completely covered from head to toe.
yoongi, on the other hand, was pretty pissed when he got to know about the news, he himself had been coming up with ways to ask you out and a situation like this, threw all chances of meeting you out for a while. when jimin and taehyung first told him, he was scared of how you were taking it and it was only after he got confirmation that you were alright and not totally stressing out, he calmed down.
but he still missed you, your gentle smile whenever he opened the door and seeing how you seemed so loving to jimin and taehyung, and how the night with just you two felt so right.
he also remembered how he had promised his fans a live a few days ago and he was almost reluctant to do it because even after a statement, people were still buzzing about it and making up stories about you, but things settled down, not as much as it would be ideal but enough for people to start talking about another idol.
he wasn’t one to back out of promises and it had been a while since he’s met his fans virtually so, he turned the live on, sat back and watched as viewers and comments poured in at an alarming speed, yoongi’s eyes struggled to scan through all of them.
he caught some basic questions, how was he, has he eaten, what has he been doing these days, what kind of music is interesting to him now, asking him to do the little ‘poke the cheek and wink’ trend and him bluntly saying he doesn’t fall for things like that, only to do it a minute later. he was having fun, he loved coming live sometimes, few comments made him really laugh aloud and few melted his heart, and the others um they annoyed him, just like the one he was seeing.
“who was that bitch in the photos with jimin and taehyung?” he read aloud without even realizing it, taking a minute to understand the harsh words, the comments then flooded with more questions about you. he felt himself getting angry, but he remained calm.
“everyone, don’t go around calling anyone a bitch, don’t you think it is too mean? you don’t even know them” he exclaimed and sighed when increased no. of questions poured in about you.
“like the company said, they are a friend of ours, we are close and what you need to know is that they’re genuine, kind and have been great support to us from the very start, i care about them a lot too and what do i say? they mean a lot to me and i like them a lot so please watch your language when you’re talking about them and don’t dig into any more of their life, respect their privacy and ours” he explained, as calmly as he could, and quickly moved on from the topic, feeling slightly flustered after talking with more emotion than he planned to, he also tried to ignore the blunder he made by admitting it on live with thousands of viewers that he liked you.
he meant what he said, he really did care about you a lot, and was okay with it even if you don’t reciprocate that feeling but he still had a nagging feeling in his chest.
and the last comment he saw before switching it off was;
“did he just fucking admit his feelings for someone to us?”
unknown to him, you had watched this entire live, you downloaded the app when jimin and taehyung urged you to and you would leave silly comments whenever they came live just to mess with them, when you saw the notification that it was yoongi, you excitedly clicked on it, watching him with a fond smile on your face but your heart dropped to your ass when yoongi mentioned you, it hurt you a little that they called you a bitch without knowing a thing about you but what you didn’t expect was for yoongi to defend you the way he did or for him to admit that he likes you; you felt all warm and giddy when he spoke about how much you meant to them, or more specifically, how much you meant to him.
and that was kind of the confirmation you needed, to know that your interest in yoongi wasn’t one-sided. because you knew yoongi wasn’t the type to address things like this directly and the fact that he did it for you gave you some hope that you chasing him wouldn’t be in vain.
“hey you, what’s up? it’s been a while since i’ve seen you around here” yoongi almost immediately answered your call and don’t tell anyone that he fell off his bed trying to answer it quickly.
“you know what happened, they told me to stay low but that isn’t why i called you” you fiddled with the ends of your skirt as you anxiously pressed your lips together.
“okay, then tell me, what is it?” yoongi was confused, he had never heard you this nervous before, and it frankly scared him a little.
“since i can’t go out, i was hoping you could come over to my apartment, there’s something i need to tell you” you hated how high your voice got when you said that, cursing yourself internally for being so fidgety.
“um sure? i have work though, can i bring it over and finish it there just in case it gets too late?”
“yep sure, you can do that, i have a desk here, you can set it up” and with that, it was just you and the tv playing some random show as you waited for him to come over.
deep breath.
it’s just yoongi, you’ve known him a long time and even if he doesn’t like you, you can avoid him, you’ve got a plan, it’s going to hurt if he rejects you but you’ve got this!
you jumped in your place when you heard the bell ring after 30 torturous minutes of silence and anxiety, to reveal yoongi in a black hoodie, faded jeans, a black mask covering his face and his fingers dangling a cover with the name of your usual café on it and a backpack lazily drooped on his shoulder. you moved out of the way after a sheepish greeting and you could see his smile even through his mask because his eyes crinkled a bit.
“hey” he simply said, kicking his shoes off and removing his mask, trying to hide how nervous he felt because what if you saw the live?
and is it just you or he seemed to be hotter than the last time you saw him and like he was moving in slow-motion?
and you couldn’t help but follow your eyes to each of his movements.
“i thought we could have some drinks while talking, if that’s okay” he gestured to the bag in his hands a little awkwardly and you hurriedly nodded, the awkwardness surrounding you was throwing you off your game by a lot and you felt your cheeks flushing from embarrassment.
thankfully, you didn’t look like you were alone in the misery as yoongi too was scratching at the back of his neck and turning away to instead focus on taking the drinks out of the bag by heading into the kitchen. you felt flustered and like you had no grip on whatever you were doing.
“hey yoongi?” you finally called out from where you stood after 5 minutes of silence ticked by, he gingerly turned around with the drinks in his hand.
just fucking say it.
“the thing i wanted to say, it’s, um fuck” you mumbled at the end, biting your lip, and staring off to your right. yoongi mirrored your action by biting his own lip, his face flushing as he anxiously waited for you to tell him what he wanted to hear.
“it’s just, i like you, like more than a friend like you, yeah that’s it, that’s what i wanted to say” you blurted out, running your hands through your hair when you saw him walking towards you and squeezing your eyes shut, waiting for the rejection.
yoongi, on the other hand, was on fucking cloud nine.
you, yes you, the person he’s been pining over for months now has confessed that you like him the same way he likes you and poor boy does not know how to react, he’s dreamed of this and he surprises himself when he wonders if you’ve dreamed of this too. but being the poster cool guy he is, he nonchalantly walked to you and instead of saying anything, took your hand and placed one of the drinks into it, ignoring the tingling feeling he felt in his chest.
“that’s funny because” he trailed off, not finishing and you sighed, of course he doesn’t like you back, why did you make him come all the way here just for him to reject you?
“that’s funny because i was going to say the same thing” he sheepishly muttered with a shy smile spread on his face and your mouth almost fell open from how surprised you were.
“you beat to me it, congratulations” he jokingly clinked your plastic cups together which made you laugh in joy, he then started walking away to sit on the couch only for you to pull on his wrist to stop him in his tracks.
“wait so you like me back right?” you asked with wide eyes, fingers curling around his wrist tightly as you desperately hoped he would say. yoongi chuckled a little at how you looked like a deer caught in headlights, reaching up to ruffle your hair.
“if that wasn’t obvious enough, yes, i’ve liked you since a long time now and i don’t want to waste another minute so should we do a little netflix and chilling to make up for it?” he suggested with a slight smirk and mischief dancing in his eyes, turning his wrist to take your hand in his and dragging you to the couch.
needless to say, he didn’t get any work done that night.
genre: angst, fluff (1.4k) (request for @luvrsofbts) i hope you like this one, thank you so much for requesting and i hope i was able to reflect what you wanted in the fic :]
summary: you don’t love yourself but yoongi sure does.
note: this fic deals with body insecurity which might be a sensitive issue for some so please keep that in mind when you’re reading, and this doesn’t imply that my fics include readers only having a certain body type. everyone is loved, respected and celebrated here that includes all genders, identities, sexualities, and body types.
from the beginning, you and yoongi looked and felt like ‘meant to be’.
you were just that couple from the start, both incredibly infatuated, and completely whipped for each other. ever since your first date which ended with the cliché ‘his jacket on your shoulder’ and ice cream, and a careful kiss at your doorstep after he dropped you off, yoongi has been enamored with everything about you.
but you always had a hard time believing the sweet nothings he whispered into your ear every night, each compliment made you feel warm and loved, but the cruel part of you made you believe that he was just saying all that because that’s just the kind of person yoongi is, he’s a good person, the best person you know and the fact that he likes to be the little spoon whenever you’re cuddling endears you to no end. after a particularly rough day, yoongi loves to just drop his bag off his shoulder and let your warm embrace fix everything about that day.
yoongi always showered you with compliments every second he was with you, you let yourself hear them but never feel them, because to you, yoongi just had to say that because you were his person. and even if yoongi would never give empty comments to anyone and you knew that he really did mean what he said, you just couldn’t see what he saw. you never understood why he chose to love when he could love anybody else.
and after a brunch with some of the people from his job, you were convinced that yoongi had a wide array of people to choose from, people prettier than you, more successful than you, people whose bodies didn’t look like yours.
it was no secret that you didn’t like how you looked, you always felt like your body was something that you needed to change, you had tried everything from vigorous workout sessions to spontaneous diets, none of which worked in your favor, the diets damaged your health a lot for a while and you had to work hard on keep yourself fed and full so that it won’t happen again. at the end of any road, you chose though, you still ended up with the body you didn’t like.
and you felt bad for yoongi, he could anyone in the world with his charms and looks, but he was still with you. you felt guilty, like you were holding him back because you were too selfish to let him go and that internally killed you sometimes.
even right now, as you stood in front of the mirror, with a t-shirt on, you blankly stared at your body, not feeling any pride or happiness swell in you as you continued staring, you only felt disappointment, in yourself, in yoongi for staying with you. and your mind drowned in the all too familiar of self loathe filling your every nerve, and each thought made you beg yourself to want to be born in a different body, any body but not yours.
“hey, everything okay?” yoongi’s voice broke you out of your trance as your head whipped to see him taking his tie off as his eyes stayed on you. you hurriedly nodded, knowing that your frantic movement didn’t convince him at all but he didn’t bring it up for your sake, letting you tell him yourself. he just gave you a soft smile, looping his arms around your waist and giving you a gentle kiss on your temple.
“i’ll just clean up and be back in a few” he mumbled into the kiss, and slightly bopped your nose, making you giggle a little as he said ‘don’t’ miss me too much’ jokingly into your ear and you push his chest away from you with a playful scowl on your face, he stepped away with a chuckle, taking lethargic steps towards the bathroom.
you sighed as his frame disappeared out of the room, slumping down on your bed and letting your head fall into your hands because you had enough. you had enough of hating your body to the point of being okay to skip meals, and you had enough of feeling like you weren’t enough and you didn’t have it in you to keep it together anymore.
and as you continued you to cry into your hands, you felt a hand on your shoulder, making you turn back to look at yoongi with nowhere to hide, he didn’t say anything, he just pulled you to him and let you hug him as tightly as you could, for the first time since being in a relationship, you were the small spoon and you threw your face into his neck and sobbed as he softly caressed your hair and whispered, ‘it’ll be alright, i’m here’.
“will you tell me why my precious is crying right now?” he mumbled, as he continued to rub gentle circles on your back.
“i-i’m tired yoongi, i’m so tired” you whined, your voice coming out croaky and defeated, yoongi felt his own heart breaking at the sight of you looking so done with everything.
“about what, love? take some deep breaths, it’s okay, we can talk about this and sort it out” his reassuring words only made you cry more, you really believed that you didn’t deserve him.
“i don’t deserve you, you deserve someone better” you shook your head lightly as you pushed yourself up to sit, your words making yoongi sit up immediately with you.
“what do you mean by that? where is this coming from?” he worriedly asked as he frantically searched for some answers on your face as you finally stopped crying. yoongi felt himself getting anxious as you kept repeating those words more quietly.
“yoongi, look at me, you deserve to be with someone prettier, someone who has one of those perfect bodies with all the right curves, not me” your insecurities tumbled out of your mouth before you could stop them and yoongi looked at you in shock as he processed your words.
did you not know how beautiful you are? and that you were the most beautiful to him?
he couldn’t help but think he failed in his role, as his boyfriend, he felt that he should’ve done better and been more conscious of your feelings and his own guilt started to grow.
“you really have no idea how i see you huh?” you forced your glassy eyes to meet his when his hands reached to hold yours.
“y/n, you are the most beautiful to me, like you literally drive me insane with how stunning you are and no, i’m not saying this because i have to, you know i don’t say things i don’t mean, so trust me when i say i love you, in every way possible. and i don’t want anyone else, i only want you because i honestly don’t know what i would do without you” you intently listened to him as he continued.
“you know what i see? i see you and i think of someone who is struggling to love themselves and that’s okay. it takes time and a lot of energy into accepting yourself and you can slowly get there and i know you will because you’re so full of love, look at how much you love me and the people around you, you are so giving to others when it comes to loving, just spare a little for yourself and you’ll be alright and even if you don’t always feel alright, i’ll be here for you, i promise i don’t want to go anywhere, i don’t want to be anywhere without you by my side” you nodded through your tears and his hands tightened around yours as his words finally started getting through to you.
“can you promise to let me stay with you no matter what, please?” yoongi pleaded softly as he played with your fingers gently and all it took was a nod from you to that, for yoongi to reach forward and kiss your cheek.
“my brave girl, i’m so proud of you and i’m so in love with you, you can always come to me when you feel like this” he gave you another gentle smile which eased your guilt and nerves as you found your own chest swell with joy at his careful but affectionate words.
“i love you too, so much” you whimpered and he cooed a little, patting your cheeks dry as you chuckled at the pout on his face as he meticulously brushed away all traces of your tears on your face.
“now, can i be the small spoon again? because i already miss it.”
you heard the doorbell ring and your heart leaped in your chest as your nerves buzzed in excitement, jumping out of bed and immediately sprinting to open it before your brother got to it. as you expected, he was happily skipping to answer the door, you got there just in time to push him out of the way, and as he was wincing and rubbing his arm while yelling complaints at you, something along the lines of ‘i will so tell mom when she gets home’, you couldn’t care less about what he was whining about at the moment.
you swung open the door to reveal your boyfriend for a few months now, standing there, looking sinfully good in a full denim outfit, bag on his shoulder, and holding your favorite flowers (baby’s breathe and lilacs) with a huge smile on his face.
god, you missed him.
“hey there, doll” jimin mused, a sparkle in his eyes, and you could feel your body tingling already, the familiar feeling returning after a very long time, as he moved to hand you the flowers with a dramatic bow at which you giggled and blushed, taking the flowers and holding them against your chest with a loving gaze.
you felt like a schoolgirl with a huge fucking crush.
except your crush is your boyfriend.
“thank you” you sheepishly uttered at which his smile only grew, loving seeing you all flustered because of him. he shook his head a little, his hair falling gracefully into his eyes, stepping into your house and closing the door behind him.
“i think i deserve more than that for those flowers, don’t you think so too?” he asked rhetorically, turning his face and pointing to his cheek.
at this point, you were a blushing mess, eyes cast downwards and shuffling on your feet, you were still not used to how direct jimin was with affection but you would be lying if you said you didn’t like it, it was intimidating at the beginning but slowly you got used to his boldness.
slowly standing on your tiptoes, you gave him a soft kiss to the cheek to which he beamed at you, clearly loving it before cupping your cheek and turning your face to return a kiss to your lips.
ah you missed his spontaneity too, you missed everything about how you two used to be at the beginning.
he pulled away and winked at you, making you hide your face in his chest, blushing intensely until you guys were interrupted with a low groan beside you, signaling the presence of your brother who never left the room.
“can you please do this in your room? i really don’t feel like puking right now” your brother whined, irritation laced in his voice, and you scowled at him, silently scolding him with your eyes. jimin was more than amused, giving you another kiss just to irritate your brother a little more and then tilting to look at your brother.
“sorry buddy, your sister just makes it very hard to resist her ” he smirked a little to which your brother rolled his eyes, getting increasingly tired of jimin’s smug smile and twinkling eyes.
“don’t tell me shit like that” he muttered bitterly, not wanting to know anymore of how ‘irresistible’ his sister is, before pushing past you to go to the living room making you scoff as your eyes followed him disappearing into the living room.
“brat” you scolded under your breath before grabbing jimin’s hand and dragging him up the stairs to your room, leaving him no choice but to follow you. he did mention he would only be able to stay for a while so you didn’t waste any time.
you pushed the door to your open and he looked around fascinatedly, seeing all the different posters covering your walls, ranging from posters of The Rolling Stones, The Beatles, Led Zeppelin, Pink Floyd, Diana Ross, Michael Jackson, almost an entire side of your room had boxes with vinyl’s, tapes, and a huge cassette player resting on a table. you clearly loved music and spent almost all day listening to your wide collection. jimin smiled, feeling endeared over the reminder of your interest in music, it’s been a while since he’s been in your room.
it was all you both did at the beginning of your relationship, sit in his car or in his room or your room, and pop in different tapes of your playlists, sharing what you liked about each song before eventually forgetting about the music and tangling yourself with him. those days were the ones you fought so hard for when you later ran into issues.
you plopped down on your bed, quickly making up for lost time even though it’s only really been three days since you’ve last seen him but both of you promised to make a more conscious effort so your relationship didn’t hit a dead-end like it almost did a few weeks ago.
you talked about the most random things, you excitedly informed him about your new job at the diner, where you would wear roller skates to serve, you’d always loved the diner and were so glad you got the job. it was the same diner where jimin asked you out with all your friends peeking to look at you two being all shy while confessing you wanted to be more than friends.
the place was really special to you because after that day, you even had your first date there, your first kiss there, so many memories were bound to that place.
how long has it been since you both talked like this?
like there wasn’t a clock which was ticking forward to warn you that your time was almost over?
it’s been stupidly long since the last time you both were brimming with joy and happiness, having just passed that rough patch in your relationship.
“don’t you think this is great?” you sighed happily, eyes shining in pure joy and he hummed, a small smile dancing on his lips before he kissed the top of your head, he was happy for you, you ranted to him many times that getting this job would mean a lot to you, not just because of the memories, but the pay was also really good, the uniform was cute, you were sure half your friend group would be hanging out there and you couldn’t think of a better way to spend your summer.
“i can get free milkshakes now, so yes it’s great” he teased, you lightly hit his chest in response which made him laugh, grabbing you in his arms, making your scowl disappear into a small smile.
“you’re really excited about this, huh?” he asked, a certain lightness in his tone, making you nod in response, playing with his jacket, tugging it up on him so it was resting on him properly.
he liked to see you so excited, so full of life, he missed seeing you literally jumping in your place as your smile shined over the room. he couldn’t believe he almost let you go a few weeks ago, that he almost lost his chance to ever see your smile again.
“well, i’ll visit you every day” he declared, not wanting to miss any of his time with you, playing with your hair again. you turned around in his arms with a huge smile, a little surprised at his words. you both just fixed things so you thought he might want to keep a comfortable distance but jimin was more than ready to spend all of his time with you, because to him, nothing else really mattered.
at least nothing much.
“really?”
“of course, i would, but i do want something in return” he suggested with a glint in his eyes that was too bright to be completely pure. you missed him looking at you like that, like you both were one breathe away from getting lost in each other.
“like what?" you tilted your head to look at him right in the eyes, your breath hitching a little when he pulled your face closer only to move his face in such a way that his warm breath hit over your ear repeatedly, making your body coil in a faint shiver.
"a make-out session during your breaks wouldn’t hurt” he whispered, making you gasp not only because of the close proximity but fooling around at work had you flushing unbelievably, so you pushed yourself off him and glared at him, though a faint smile did dance on your lips.
“i think i’ll stick to the milkshakes” you uttered, making him laugh and then you both started bickering, him suggesting more and more things you could be doing, and each time you brushing him off and threatening that even the free milkshakes were off the table if he kept this up, in the middle of your conversation, jimin’s eyes absentmindedly fell on his backpack, only then remembering why he came all the way to your house.
“god, i almost forgot” he let his head fall back in a small chuckle at his own forgetfulness, reaching for the backpack as your confused eyes followed him, he got off the bed and you crawled to the end of it, propping your face in your hands on your elbows and watching him take a huge vinyl out of his backpack. he spinned it smoothly in his hands, then placing it in front of you and you brushed your fingers slightly on the cover and glanced up at him in confusion to see him uncharacteristically shy and nervous all of a sudden, his cheeks hidden behind a peach-pink hue which made you coo.
“did you bring new music for me?” your eyes softened at the memory of you two always giving each other new music to listen to, and he nodded very slowly.
“it’s something new, that’s for sure” he hummed and sat back down on the bed, looking at you with an unexplainable face.
“okay, let me put in the player then, we can listen to it to- “and before you could get up and reach over to place the vinyl in the player, jimin jumped from where he sat and snatched the vinyl from your hand.
you looked at him with slightly glassy eyes, not knowing why he was reacting the way he was.
did he not want to listen to music together anymore?
you let yourself sadly mull over the fact that some things truly did change between the two of you.
and jimin was beating himself up after he saw how your eyes immediately turned down and your smile fell into a flat line. there were a couple minutes of silence, a dangerous thread that you both were unwilling to walk on, and then you remembered your arguments. he mentioned how he wanted you to sacrifice more for his sake and you agreed to it then so you were going to follow through with your promise.
“it’s okay, we don’t have to if you don’t want to, i’ll just listen to it…by myself” you let out the last part in a faint whisper, taking the vinyl from his loosely held fingers and placing it on your table and pushing past him to sit near the headboard of the bed, your arms held across your chest as you avoided looking at him.
jimin fucked up.
he knew he fucked up; you could tell because he didn’t look at you either.
the playfulness and the wonder that danced around the room dulled into a flickering light.
his silence and your silence, the way you two refused to look at each other reminded you of exactly where you two were stuck weeks ago, and if it hurt then, it felt like repetitive punches to your stomach now, because this is after you promised to work it out, after you both talked of what made you insecure, and you being helplessly sensitive to some things and right now, you felt frustrated and disappointed because this wasn’t exactly a big deal but that didn’t mean you didn’t feel hurt.
you remember all those days he talked about how he would show you around the small studio he set up with his friends, in hopes of making music, a passion he shared with all of them, you would spend days just going on about how if you visited him at work, he would be distracted and you would playfully punch his arm a little, and then continue to coo over each other.
where did it all go?
you could see jimin running a hand on his face in exasperation and how exhausted he looked too, you couldn’t help but want to reach out and hold his hand and tell him it was going to be okay even if you were the one who needed the reassurance. but you didn’t, because even just a few feet away, he felt miles apart. and you didn’t bother reaching, giving him the chance to explain himself.
but no words came from him, the silence turned to tension in the air and you could feel your bit of hope dying along with the noise in the background.
as for jimin, his heart settled uneasily because he couldn’t bring himself to say any words without making it sound condescending or just wrong, he felt like any words from him at that moment would come out wrong and upset you even more, he was walking a dangerous line, while he didn’t want to hurt you by talking, he was also worsening the damage he caused by staying silent.
you heard a loud sigh from him, and you almost scoffed, now getting angry that he refused to do anything and acting like he was the one who just got a vinyl snatched from their hands.
“j-just please- “his pleading tone and wavering voice caught your attention but you still looked at your blanket, letting your fingers draw little circles and shapes on it, doing anything but not looking at him like he wanted you to. you didn’t even know why the environment was so tense all of a sudden, sure he took that vinyl in a rather harsh way and you felt hurt, but you didn’t understand why you both were acting the way you were.
“listen, please, just listen to me for a second here” he practically begged and that broke your resolve a little, you forcibly tore your eyes away from your bed to look at him. he looked desperate, his breathe coming out shallow and way too quickly as he rushed to fill the silence that has been hanging in the air.
“the vinyl, i want you to listen to it when i’m out of this room, that’s all i ask you to do” you wordlessly agreed and looked back down, continuing to draw shapes and your heart finally dropped when he left without saying another word, the door shutting behind him making you flinch and an empty sob ripped through your throat. you brought your knees to your chest and dropped your face on it, tears stinging your eyes but you refused to cry.
you stared down the vinyl sitting pretty on the edge of the table out of your periphery, contemplating whether to play it now or later but deciding that anytime it would just be a reminder that he didn’t want to listen to it with you, you just stomped to the table and tried not to cry as you placed the vinyl in the player and let the pin drop, your hands fiddled with one another under your sweater that you had to admit was not appropriate for the weather, as you waited for the song to begin.
but a pleasant surprise knocked all breath from your chest.
it was a new one, that was for sure, because instead of hearing the voice of some known singer in your time, your ears drowned in the all too familiar voice that surrounded you.
jimin’s voice.
sitting on the ground alone, i get taken over by ever-growing thoughts ‘since when have you been hurting me’ even you don’t know.
you’re hurting too,cause you’re mine,i just wanna blow your mind again, you’re moving further away like this.
“i’m alright” though i say so, maybe the truth is that i’m not.
i want you to be your light, baby, you should be your light so that you are not hurt anymore so that you can smile.
i want you to be your night, baby, you could be your night so that this night can be honest with you.
and the tears you so desperately held back, fell in quiet rivers down your face as you crouched down, letting your forehead rest on the edge of the table as the lyrics sunk into every one of your nerves, slowly and painfully, your cries were silent, letting the song do all the crying for you because jimin sounded so desperate, like he needed you to be strong and he needed him to be strong to get through this.
promise me now even if you feel alone many times a day, don’t throw yourself away.
pause for a moment right here, hook your pinky with mine, and promise me now.
and the song came to an end, leaving you gasping for air around you as the room held its breath for your reaction.
your body ached, both in emotional exhaustion and from just staying still in an uncomfortable position.
no wonder he didn’t want you to listen to it when he was in the room. jimin basically spilled himself on this song, a silent plea continuing throughout to both him and you.
that things will be okay, things will be alright, we just have to get through one more night and the day will be better than we expect it to.
the reason for your weeks long fight was because both of you had never been in love, so exploring the unknown emotion together put a bunch of stops in your path, you loved him, he loved you but love simply wasn’t enough sometimes, both your insecurities never allowed you to bask in each other’s love. which lead to inconsistency, in your emotions, in your scenarios, in your everyday life, there were inconsistencies you couldn’t get past.
and after a painful day of fighting and screaming till both of you cried and sat on the floor, just sobbing with pieces of you all around you, jimin shakily held his hand out to you, your just as trembling fingers reached out and weakly held on, as he made you promise that you will try, if not anything else, you will try. and then to lighten the mood, wrapped his pinky around yours making a strained chuckle leave your lips as he cautiously pulled you into his lap and rocked you both back and forth until you couldn’t cry anymore tears and he couldn’t either.
you will always be grateful to him for that day because he held on when you couldn’t and it only felt right that you would extend forward to hold on now.
you got up from your crouched position, patting your cheeks and carefully removing the vinyl from the player and putting it in your favorites box, and reaching around for your phone, quickly dialing his number and holding your breath as you waited for him to pick up.
“hello- “you could hear the caution in his simple greeting.
“where the fuck are you? i need to see you.” you let out roughly, trying not to make your tone waver and you felt his nervous gulp at your tone even if he was definitely far away.
“l-like right now?” he stuttered, clearing his throat afterwards and you felt a faint smile tug at your lips at how scared he seemed.
“yes, like right now”
“oh okay, i’m in the studio with hose- “you quickly cut the call after you got his location, sliding it into your pocket and sprinting out your door.
a knock on the glass door of his shared studio with his friends made jimin’s leg jump under the table, hitting the surface and making him wince in pain, immediately clutching his hand around it and limping towards the door all while awkwardly wrapping his palm around the injured area. he knew it was you. but that didn’t mean his heart didn’t fall to his stomach when he saw you standing there, hair slightly disheveled, red eyes and lips in a flat line, but you still looked so beautiful to him. the most beautiful really.
before he could utter a word, you pushed yourself into the studio, closing the door behind you and staring at with an expression he couldn’t decipher. and to him, you looked pissed. but you were honestly just brimming with new-found hope for you too. if he said you could try, you could and you would try.
but it did not seem that way for poor jimin who shuffled on his feet uncomfortably, not understanding why you would cut the call so abruptly and visit him in his studio which he was yet to show you officially.
and then his breath stuttered as a possibility of the situation came to his mind.
did you come all this way to break up with him?
is that why you seemed to be in such a hurry, to get rid of him as quickly as you could?
“the song was…” you trailed off, pausing to turn and lean back on the desk behind you, leaving jimin with his heart in his throat as he waited for your response.
he put so much of him into the song and if you didn’t like it, he didn’t know what he would do with himself.
“if you’ll keep your promise, i will too” your voice broke him out of his trance, hope blooming in his chest again at your words as you continued to speak.
“because if we’re going to do this, i need to know that we’re both going to be putting in the effort, i’m tired of the misunderstandings between us, we were never like this. i just want to go back to how we used to be” you sighed, your mind mulling over the start of your journey to love, it was so innocent, the beginning of love always is innocent. and jimin missed it too.
“as much as i love how we used to be, we can’t fully go back to how we used to be, we’ve been through…. too much to act like everything can go back to normal. we can keep working towards it though, we can work towards the days we used to have, and i’ll keep my promise, i promise that i’ll keep my promise” you went through a turmoil of emotions at his words, relief at his promise, but also a faint ache at the harsh realization that he was right, you couldn’t just magically go back to who you were, but you can keep trying till you get there.
you kept your head down, the faintest bit of satisfaction in your heart, as you moved forward to let yourself finally give up and just let him hug you. you heard him sigh in relief before wrapping his arms around you and burying your face into his neck. but then you abruptly pulled back making him furrow his eyebrows, only for that to melt into a soft smile as you held your pinky up for him.
“we promise, right?” you meekly said, with a faint smile and he put his pinky against yours, nodding his head as he pulled you back to him with your linked pinkies making you stumble and fall into him again, a quick giggle leaving your lips.
“we promise” and he sealed his promise with a kiss on the top of your head, leaving you to nuzzle into him closer until distance was but a myth between you and him.
and after that day at the studio, just like you expected, he visited you everyday at work only to drag you to the back alley for proving that he kept his promise, in more ways than one and you went back to letting songs play in his car as you played with his hair between your fingertips and your bodies became one.
as it turns out, all you both needed to do to be ‘we’ again was to keep your promise.
summary: do you think of love when the world is at your fingertips? or a story in which jimin dances on the dangerously thin line between love and obsession.
author’s note: requests are open for all members, i do not write smut, only suggestive content and you can send in whichever ideas you have, i will gladly write them for you :]
when you first met taehyung, you didn’t imagine how far you guys would come along, sure you liked him from how your friends described him and how he presented himself to the masses, but to come to a point where a day wouldn’t go by without you missing him even as he sat beside you, was beyond you.
you almost felt ridiculous for cuddling up even more to him just at the thought of him being gone for work the next day making him chuckle and gently pat your head. the tv played some old 80’s movie that taehyung loved and served as ambient music which was both romantic and full of yearning. just like the two of you sat in front of it.
“what’s got you like this?” he gestured to your arms that looked close to suffocating his torso but you didn’t weaken your grip, only burying your head in his chest even more.
“you’ll be gone all day tomorrow” you softly whined, your voice coming out muffled and just clear enough for taehyung to hear and he let out a sigh at your words. it was going to be so hard to go to work tomorrow, how could he possibly say goodbye to you for a whole 24 hours after you do and say the things you do?
“i promise i’ll make it up to you, we can go to dinner at that diner you like this weekend” taehyung offered, hoping that would lift your spirit up a little and you nodded happily, any time with him was perfect for you.
“deal” you whispered and before taehyung could ask you about which movie you wanted to start next, he heard your slow, even breaths fill the silence and he simply let a fond smile grace his face, as he shut the tv off and devoted his entire attention to watch you sleep. not in a creepy way, in more of a ‘you’re so fucking cute, i would die for you’ way.
and it was in that moment, your arms never losing their tight grip on him, your nose twitching ever so often in your sleep and your legs wrapped around his, taehyung decided that he was helplessly in love with you and that conclusion only solidified for him when he reached to kiss your forehead, he still felt his body erupt in tingles, these tingles that he gets whenever he’s with you haven’t died since the day, he’s met you.
taehyung was in love. and he wanted to shout it from any building in the world.
-
you kicked the blanket around your feet as you tossed and turned to avoid the sunlight burning your eyes awake, and with one final groan, you pushed yourself up to lay on your elbows as you cursed everything about the day when its barely begun. you saw taehyung’s side of the bed empty and sighed, you remembered how warm he felt last night, and how his voice put you right to sleep, your cheeks warmed as your mind travelled to how he promised you his weekend just so you wouldn’t be sad and your heart did a good old flip as you continued to think about him.
you heard yeontan yapping at your feet, waiting for you to give him all your attention and love, you gave the cheery dog a soft smile before scooping him up in your arms and letting him lick all over your face while you giggled and tilted your head away from his sloppy kisses, once he finally calmed down, you just buried your face into his fur and realized yeontan only reminded you more about taehyung.
this was going to be a long day without him.
you could feel your stomach drop a little at the sad realization and you deemed it so unfair that you couldn’t spend every minute of your life with hi-
wait a minute.
it hasn’t even been 8 hours since you last saw him so why were you acting like his funeral was tomorrow? why did you miss him so much when you were literally in his arms not too long ago?
your head snapped up as you caught yourself thinking that as your legs flung over the side of the bed, your eyes widened at your own thoughts. any and all romance draining out of your body, as familiar dread and paranoia took its place.
where was all this coming from?
the last time you felt like this, was in grade school, when you still wore a little skirt and tie, and sat at the bleachers as you watched your then-boyfriend with flushed cheeks and giddy eyes, play basketball, he would always take the ball, give you a cocky smirk and say, ‘this one’s for you’, only for the ball to always fall to the side instead of into the hoop. you would just give him an awkward smile and slow applause, maybe you should’ve taken that missed shot as a sign that your relationship would end in disaster.
because all the while you adored and gave him heart eyes, he would smile right at your face, only to send a wink and smirk to someone else over your shoulder.
and now, after all these years, you gave those same lovesick eyes to taehyung. and you could feel your palms getting sweaty just at the thought of your relationship ending the same way.
of course, you knew better, you’ve come a long way since school, done a lot of growing up, and now, you were confident in yourself and you were almost completely sure that taehyung never did that. almost.
but how much did you see? maybe you missed it at some point. you let out a loud groan and fell back on the bed with hair everywhere on your face.
fuck, you were royally screwed.
it wasn’t even noon and your mind was hell bent to make this your worst day.
how could you think of taehyung like this? sweet, kind taehyung, who’s giving you his weekend, taehyung who always kisses you on the forehead at night when he thinks you’re sleeping, taehyung who defended mint chocolate with an adorable pout on his face, taehyung who cooed and played with every baby he saw, taehyung who knew everything about you, the good and the ugly, and still stayed, and most importantly, taehyung who loved you.
he loved you, it was no secret. boy was as whipped as they come, and anyone with two eyes could see it and he didn’t have to say it to you for you to know, you just knew that he loved you, he trusted you enough to introduce you to his dog and that was a very big deal to him (you quote, ‘it’s like you’re meeting my parents’).
and that scared you, because holy shit, this man is ready to give you the world but would you ever be able to carry everything he gives you? were you ready to admit to yourself that you would give him twice the world he gives you because that’s how precious he is to you?
you aren’t ready.
and you don’t think you ever will be.
maybe you should’ve gone to therapy for your commitment and trust issues when you were still in university because you definitely regretted flipping the finger to your kind on-campus counsellor now (she was actually very condescending and forced you to talk about your problems instead of easing into it like a good counsellor would so fuck her but you were still on that train of hating yourself, weren’t you?). it was almost like you never thought your issues would come back to bite you in the ass.
whatever, you can push this under the rug like you always have. it should be fine, it’s the way you have always dealt with, push it under the rug or run away from it.
and you know how ridiculous your thoughts are right now, you couldn’t possibly run away from taehyung, because here you were, all dressed up in a baby blue dress with your hands occupied in three large bags of takeout food for the hardworking boys in the practice room in front of you. and yes, you also know how pathetic it is to be so scared of being in love with this man and then coming right back to him because what if he missed his lunch? (you just wanted to see his face and no, you couldn’t go an entire day without him).
you sheepishly poked your head in and saw all of them scattered around the room, their heads snapping towards the now open door and you quickly looked for your man in the crowd, only to find him already looking at you with surprise evident in his eyes and a confused but lovely broad grin on his face as he happily skipped to you, pulling you in and closing the door behind you, almost immediately enveloping you in a warm hug.
“what are you doing here?” he happily sighed into the crook of your neck, and you could feel your heart stutter a little at the clear joy in his tone. you pulled away from him to lift the bags in your hands up.
“thought that you could use some food” you tilted your head to look at everyone else, giving them a shy smile and bow, taehyung looking at you with those eyes that he seemed to always look at you these days.
those lovesick eyes.
“fuck i love you” he chuckled slightly, grabbing the bags from your hands and walking away to set them on a table, not noticing how wide your eyes have gotten or the panic in your face as he said it.
he finally said the words you’ve been both dreading and longing to hear, and in such a casual way, you knew he just said it in a playful way for all the food you brought in but that didn’t mean your heart didn’t drop to your ass when you heard them. you snapped out of your trance when your ears caught them call you in a chorus, ushering you over to them.
“everything okay?” he whispered just low enough for you to hear, making sure that it didn’t catch anyone else’s attention. and as much as you wanted to fall on him and tell him everything your mind was putting you through, you gave him a tight smile and nodded your head.
you quietly walked up to them and only spoke when you were spoken to, a little too lost in yourself, looking to the side when taehyung nudged your elbow a little. you were never this silent, you were always bubbling with things to say or you made some dry jokes about your own suffering that had the whole room laughing, but right now, you just weren’t you. and that worried him.
“of course, i am always okay” you let out a nervous chuckle slip past your lips as you said it, cursing yourself for the slight break in your tone.
you weren’t okay.
you weren’t okay at all.
and taehyung knew that.
you could tell he wasn’t convinced at all with your answer so you just sighed and decided to come clean.
“we will talk about this later, okay? it isn’t anything bad, but it isn’t necessarily good either” you rambled silently, and taehyung, though unconvinced and worried sick now, nodded in agreement, giving you a side hug and kiss to your temple making your heart wrench in place even more.
“you know i love you, right? and that you can tell me anything?” you knew.
that was the problem.
you fucking knew he loved you and you didn’t know how to handle that.
but until your inevitable discussion later, you just leaned in for a kiss on his cheek making his cheeks flush and hurt a little at the almost immediate smile that grew on his face.
“aw look at them being all cute” jimin cooed from where he stood, clearly not having noticed the prior tense environment around the two of you.
“i’m telling you, it’s the honeymoon phase. they’ll be at each other’s throats soon” jungkook snickered harmlessly, as the others argued that you both have been in this honeymoon phase since forever now and it didn’t seem to go away anytime soon. and you turned red as they all continued to tease the two of you, making lighthearted jokes at how whipped you were and you didn’t have it in you to laugh like you usually would.
with jungkook and everyone else around you, people who you have become so comfortable with, it was all too overwhelming, you fit in so well, almost too well and that was one more thing for you to worry about.
when did you start feeling so at home with all of these people?
and why did spending lunch with them feel so normal all of a sudden?
you usually had lunch at your workplace with your friends, and you wouldn’t say you enjoyed it very much, because most of the time, you all were too exhausted to hold fun conversations, so it was all a very monotonous routine. but now, with taehyung and rest of them, you could feel bubbling energy every second you spent with them and it just felt so perfect.
but did it feel that way for them? or were you just intruding on their normal routine?
after a silent excuse to leave to work early and way too quick of a goodbye, you left with an even heavier mind than the one you spent all morning with. and even if you thought you were being subtle, your sour mood caught the attention of everyone in the room who were more concerned than you thought they would be.
“are you ready to tell me what’s going on with you?” taehyung walked in your apartment to see you slumped on the sofa, eyes teary with your focus on the tv which played somber ending music to a show (you weren’t crying because of the show, you were crying because oh my fucking god did you hate being you at that very moment, you were wallowing in self pity and with thoughts that you’ll die alone and loveless with around 20 cats, you even placed an order for catnip and bed impulsively for a cat you didn’t even own). you were doing great, clearly.
you couldn’t delay this conversation anymore without hurting either of you two even more.
“huh?” you sniffed, turning to see him pulling his coat off while keeping his narrowed and concerned eyes on you, you have never heard that tone on taehyung or seen him so agitated in a while.
at least both of them were never directed at you.
he dropped down next to you on the sofa, pulling the large bag of chips from your arms and setting it aside before looking right at you, refusing to break eye contact, leaving you to be the one to break it off with a sigh.
“i’m going to need you to listen to me without saying anything for the next 10 minutes because this is really hard for me to talk about, and i am not even sure what my actual problem is, i just don’t feel okay and i think i’m going to explode any second” you rambled, clearing your throat awkwardly at the end and crossing your arms across your chest like you were trying to protect yourself from your own words.
taehyung had never you seen this vulnerable, with your red-rimmed eyes, quivering lips and a loose sweater hanging off your shoulders, refusing to look at him, instead focusing on the socks adorning his feet and voice coming out in quiet gasps and whispers that he could barely hear.
you looked so fragile, so close to breaking to him. and that broke him too.
“whatever it is, we will figure it out together” he softly let out, forcing your arms out of the hold it had over your chest and tenderly grasping onto your hands, it made you feel exposed, even more vulnerable than you already were.
“i told you to be quiet” you choked out in a groan, tears pricking your eyes and he immediately cooed, rubbing the back of your hands and assuring that you now have the complete room to yourself.
“you know how things are going so well for us? like we spend at least 5 days in a week together and we’ve introduced each other to our friends and we’ve spoken briefly to each other’s parents too?”
“yeah, we’re obsessed with each other god.”
“taehyung?”
“yeah?”
“shut up.”
“okay” he chuckled and gestured for you to continue, making you smile a little too.
“i just feel like everything is going so well, and i feel so happy, so comfortable, i feel like i’m at a place in my life that i’ve been running towards my whole life but now that i’m actually here, i feel…scared?” taehyung raised an eyebrow at the end of your sentence, but not questioning anything because you continued your worried rant.
“it’s like, everything about you and your life has fit in so perfectly with mine, even with your busy schedule and my pain-in-the-ass work hours, we somehow make it work but i’m scared that it will all just go away at some point and i’ll be back at square one. i’ve never felt like this before, i love you, a lot and i love everything about us, i’m so happy with how we are, i just need reassurance that we will stay like this for as long as we can be, that’s all” you let out a deep breathe you didn’t know you were holding and looked at him nervously, chewing your bottom lip and you were sure that you bit it too hard. your heart pounded so hard, it felt like it was going to escape the cage of your chest.
“first off, stop biting your lip like that, you’re going to split it open and second, i love you too and third, is that it? you’re scared that we won’t last?” taehyung looked at you in disbelief that you would even think that you could get rid of him as his hands tightened around your own.
“and that you will leave me for someone else” you sighed out, figuring that it was best to just lay it all out there while you’re at it. taehyung just looked down and shook his head, as if he couldn’t believe what he was hearing.
“you really don’t have a clue of how in love i am with you, do you?” you slowly shook your head at his rhetorical question.
“well, i guess i have to remind you. you have nothing to worry about when it comes to us, okay? whatever we are, and whatever we will become, i promise to try my best to always make it work for us, because just like you said, i love us and i love you. and if you don’t know what to do, we can figure it out together, i haven’t been in many relationships either, at least not meaningful ones so i have no clue but together, we can do anything, yeah?” he waited for your nod which came shortly after his words, you didn’t even realize you were crying until taehyung reached up to rub your tears away gently with his thumb, all while holding a soft smile to you.
“i love you, okay? and i am not going anywhere, i don’t want to be anywhere else so next time you feel like this, don’t suffer alone, come to me and we can either cry together or i can kiss your tears away, whichever works for you, though i would prefer the k-“ he was cut short when you literally threw your body on top of his, he immediately broke into a small giggle, reaching to wrap his arms around you too.
“i think you liked the kisses idea” he lightly teased making you laugh and mumble a low ‘shut up’ into his hoodie.
“do you promise? that we’ll try till we can’t?” you leaned back with glassy eyes and he smiled, nodding his answer.
“i promise, now you shut up and come back here” he pulled you back so that you would fall with your head nestled into his neck again.
“oh, one thing” he spoke up again and you let him continue.
“can you bring us lunch more often? because they all seem to love you more than they love me” he pouted a little, recounting how everyone rushed to ask him if everything was okay with you after practice was over and you smiled a little, feeling a little stupid for worrying so much about intruding on them.
“of course, as long as i get to see you” you jokingly blew him a kiss to which he reacted with an equally dramatic reaction, clutching his chest and scrunching his eyes shut, acting like he got shot and falling off the couch, the silence being filled with your loud laughs.
and that is how you end all your nights with him, filled with joy, and filled to the brim, with love.
turns out you didn’t need therapy after all.
but what were you going to do with all that catnip now?
