#sadgirl

¿No les pasa que se sienten solos y vacíos? aunque estén rodeados de personas. Esa sensación de querer dejar todo y solamente llorar hasta no poder más…

Aunque para algunos no sea la gran cosa para otro sí lo es…

“…You’ll be dancing once again and the pain will end…”

ABBA

So i’m back to being lonely and depressed. How are the rest of us?

Sincerly, me - still lonely

Que ganas de llorar, que ganas de gritar y que ganas de clavar la cuchilla. Y terminar con el sufrimiento.

Y cuando ya no puedo mas, mis ojos llorosos, empiezan una nublarse, todo se ve tan borroso y me pierdo entre la niebla.

Att: darkstarmoon

Quiero amor, no un amor de película ni de disney.

Quiero un amor sano.

Att:darkstarmoon

Tengo tantas cicatrices, que ya perdí la cuenta de cuantas son. Algunas están todavía abiertas y otras siento que no se podrán cerrar nunca.

Att: darkstarmoon

A veces, no quiero ser tan inútil. A veces, quiero ser fuerte . Poder con las cosas, ser constante y que a lo mínimo no se joda todo. Siento que todo lo hago mal y no es perfecto, si nada puede ser perfecto, pero seguimos con ese sueño de la perfección. Entonces las tareas se complican, las simples cosas y todo se complica. No intento otra vez, simplemente no sale, me rindo y me retiro. Y joder como me cuesta solo intentarlo una vez. La paciencia con sus años como que ha desaparecido, quiza se quedo atras, con otras partes de mí.

No se si esto puede ser un sentimiento o que, pero joder se siente horrible.

No se que pasa, pero no importa los años que pasen. Que me quiero morir. :) 

A veces simplemente quieres desaparecer por un rato.

-darkstarmoon

Solo soy un escrito, un verso que se rompió en mil pedazos. Que se expresa en un texto, porque le duele demasiado expresarse con su voz quebrada. Me dejaron sin voz, sin ganas, sin levantarme… Ahora este escrito simplemente llora, grita, sufre…

No recuerdo que era ser feliz o no llorar todos los días. Son tantos los pedazos que muchos se perdieron en a saber que lugar, y otros fueron totalmente rotos primero con amabilidad, después con frialdad, luego con manipulación y por último a cuchilladas en el corazón. No soy un cuento de hadas, soy un cuento del infierno.

Mis hojas cortan, lloran, sufren y gritan suplicas. Mi historia es de terror, no hay zombies, no hay vampiros, HAY HIJOS DE PUTA.

A este cuento le dijeron que su adolescencia sería la mejor etapa de su vida, supongo que no sabían todo lo que iba a pasar. Este cuento solo espera poder recomponer sus versos, y hacer pedazos nuevos para sustituir lo que faltan. 

Quiero un final feliz, simplemente un final normal. 

DEPRESIÓN.

Me quitaste las ganas de hacer, de respirar o de sentir algo que no sea dolor. De que no hay ninguna razón y tenga que sentir este dolor, que me mata el corazón, que ya ni lo puedo sentir.

Tenía algo en lo que evadirme estudiar, pero tú mi enfermedad de la que trato de salir, lo convertiste en algo negativo, que a pesar de todo lo hacía y acaba luego destrozada. Porque como se suele decir, cosa que es una verdad. Los extremos son malos.

Y si hay estos momentos que me hundo que no puedo, que lloro, que gritó, que me da rabia… Solo pido que me quiten este dolor, pero debo ser yo y el tiempo.

Me siento encerrada dando vueltas en un círculo vicioso que no termina, lleno de espinas y tan profundo como el sueño de la bella durmiente. También me pregunto porque me tuvo que tocar a mí, supongo que sólo me toco. Se que no hice nada malo, solo me porté bien y esta vida me dio bofetadas.

Aunque sienta que no puedo, me duela todo y quiera morir. No pienso rendirme.

-darkstarmoon

Our sweet little ratty, Nova was carried away by the Goddess this afternoon at 12:45pm. Last night my girlfriend and I noticed she wasn’t doing well. There was nothing we could do for her but to make her comfortable and say our goodbyes. My heart is broken. Some may not think that rats are pets, but let me tell you how sweet she was. She never bit me or hurt me in any way. When I asked for kisses, she would tug on my lip ring, all gently. She was the runt and the smallest but she had such a big heart. Rest in Peace my sweet little girl. You will be greatly missed.

Me quede pensando en todos los momentos que vivimos, para todos serán pocos, para mi fueron los suficientes para recordarte y extrañarte.

Hablar bien de una persona también habla de ti.

Is it too weird that I don’t attach to people?

maybe everything’s unreal, I wish I could tell you what’s the deal

I could runaway, forget everything, and I don’t think I’d feel pain

People say that’s air, but I’ve always been a mixture of fire and water, a walking contradiction

I got numb, I forgot stuff

I broke my own heart so no one could break mine

Maybe I’m selfish and I don’t think about people, but they never think of me either

I’ve never felt like I belonged, but when I was in the middle of the rainy night in the woods

I was never meant to be here, and I can’t wait for the day I can go back from where it all begins.

It’s never good enough, never okay

I’m so pale, but they still seem to not see

I’m not there, I’m not here, I wish I wasn’t anywhere

I can’t help but ruin things

The more I love, the more I hate

I can’t just say what’s in my head

“They’d be better if I wasn’t here”

I wish I didn’t exist, but I still breathe

I wish I could sleep, but nothing is what it seems

I wish I could try, but maybe I should just leave,

Would anyone follow me?

If I showed you what’s underneath, would you still trust me?

if I told you what I’ve seen, would you love me?

You’ve been at peace, and can’t conceal what I hear

But I am war, I am blood, mystery, wind and all the water is stuck

Maybe my blood is not pure, don’t come close

I know I don’t have what you think I have, I’m not what you’re looking for

I’m just an archetype, you don’t know my soul.

It’s the end of the road, there’s no turning back to home

It’s been a long way I’ve walked alone

and i wouldn’t change what I’ve seen, because I’ve got stuff to call my own

I’ve always liked the old, but that doesn’t mean it’s gold

Now I’ve moved on, and I’m getting to know feelings I had always longed for

But I’m still scared that I’ve taken the wrong road

and that I’m not where I’m supposed to be, because I’m used to never be

I’m happy you made me go,

because I could’ve never found what I love in that chest I used to think smelled like home.

Never lying, never quiet

Always traveling, my heart is still out of reach

Can’t see what’s inside of me,

maybe we were meant to be.

Fill the empty feelings,

get to what I’ve hid underneath,

try to steal my peace

I’ve taken everything away from me

Break my guts and hopes and go to sleep

Don’t be afraid,

follow me,

I’ll take you to a land you’ve never seen.

Will ever things stop going wrong?

I’ve been tied up for too long

And I don’t try hard enough, I don’t wanna leave what I’ve always known

I don’t know what should I call home, at the night in the woods is where I belong, because it reassembles all of my thoughts.

I don’t want to fix what might be wrong, it’s worked that way for too long

I’ve been holding my breath in, it’s only cigarette smoke all on my own,

My words infested my lungs and there’s not a voice anymore

Should I wish I that I looked cool?, maybe that way we would’ve been in tune, I would’ve been the one for you

but I never did, will never do.

I’m just a broken doll

So broken, so messed up

Wish I could change things up, turn back the clock

make my wounds bloom out, my legs are not made for this feelings trial

My arms are not strong enough the carry the hold I’ve got on my lungs, and I can’t fix all of the holes in my pretty little heart

I’ve lost my shoes and my feet are bloody, my dress is torn up, I’m so dirty

I can’t help but be moody, am I too phony?

I can’t help but think it’ll all my fault, wish I could just get my messy make up off

my hair is tied up, for I’ve thrown up all my words

And I’ve sealed with lipstick all over my lips and tongue, so I can’t make the same mistakes again

My stomach can’t hold the pain or the loss of what I knew to be true,

kill the girl I used to be with you

I wish I could tell you it was a lie, but really I took a chance, I stood up alone in the night and I had to fight

Why did it just take me so long to realize?

No one can love that fast, I know it was all lies

Roll the dice, it’s just satin and lace, nothing you can rely on

They think I’m just a marbled girl, a pretty body and a pretty face

Someone they can fuck and then just forget about later, even though I’m not an easy kinda girl

Never told them I would, yet they’d try to convince me they had feelings for me too,

Which was never true

Can’t they all see I have a soul?, I can’t take a hold and I’ve lost hope

Will the day come when someone loves my soul and doesn’t just want to have sex with me?

I’m sorry to be so explicit, but why does it matter, when it’s so raging?

All I can think of.

Sunsets reminded me of you, your eyes

But this evening, it’s making me think of something new

Maybe it’s our worlds collapsing, because I’ve finally gotten my priorities straight

Is it too late?

I hope I won’t feel regret about the decision I’ve made,

but I guess I have to want what I get

I’ve spent the last months, six, trying to forget

Maybe the answer was there, in my chest

Or in front of my head

I can’t make my feelings go away, and I can’t change what I said

but i know that i don’t love you, not like I thought I did

I’m just lost inside of the concepts and contexts and all the little things inside of my world,

It’s still early, I’m still here

I’m not gone just yet, and there’s so much feelings I can create,

And I just hope

That this sunset means that I’ll start again.

Nobody remembers me, why am I still here?

nobody cares about me, so why should I be?

Maybe I don’t fit in because I’m not supposed to be here

The world’s turning but I’m still here standing

They all take me for granted

Nothing of what they say could make my doubts go away, for their actions never seem to make sense

They all look so happy with their friends, and maybe I should pretend

I can’t move on, maybe these feelings have no end

I’m always the girl they cut out of the pic, like I can’t understand what they say

I just feel so different, and maybe I should go away

I don’t want to belong, but I want to feel loved

i want the doubts to go away and feel like I can be myself

but that day never came;

will I find the exit of this street with no end?, will I find some friends?

the problem is that i don’t even try because I don’t know what I really want.

Today’s your birthday, and I can’t just get over it

I wish I could see your face, but I guess it’s better this way

I hope you’re okay.

Why can’t I just learn to live with my past?

This way the present won’t last

There must be something wrong with my heart,

I wish the hurt would stop

I hope someday you will ache like I ache, like Hole says

But I think I love you, and I’m so sick for that.

I long for the future

There’s so many things that I hope will work out for the best

And I wish my heart will be safe,

I can’t wait for the day

when I won’t turn my head when someone’s eyes look like yours

when every quote I read makes my hand carve a new piece,

a new letter,

to bleed again about the same things

When I woke up and opened my curtains, there was the rising sun

But now there’s you

I can’t forget your location, and your smell

Your birthday or you cat’s name

And I wonder if you ever wish I were there.

You can’t feel the same because you don’t know me like I know you

You don’t know where I rest, where I breathe

You don’t recall what I used to be like

I changed my perfume, and I cut my hair,

and how I wish I could get some feelings out, they’ve always been there

My life has kind of stopped, just like a bad joke

and i don’t think it can go back to what it used to be.

Maybe the past is better left alone, you don’t pour salt on what hurts

I should stop reminiscing about what was, what is and idealizing what will be

but what is the fun of being in the present? Things can get so boring, so predictable

I’ve always been afraid to be known.

Maybe someday I’ll learn how to move on, and how to get over old feelings, and maybe I can let my past to rest

I love changes, yet I’m afraid I won’t recognize myself.

I can’t forgive, I can’t forget

Maybe I’m just so bad that I can’t comprehend anything else than what I say

I’m going to hell, but I’ve always been there

I can’t say what I’ve been trying to make, I can’t just put my nails all over this place

I can’t break, because I said that I love

do I love? I just doubt myself

I can’t find a feeling that’ll put me into place, that will make me look alive again

Maybe I’m just dead, and it is what I’m supposed to be

can you blame me? Yes, you can

I guess I deserve the bad that I get

But do I deserve to always love, and drown in whatever I think?

I can’t quite understand what I am, and I don’t think I fit in

I can’t find the beginning nor the end, because It’s all too well

The world keeps turning, and I’ll always stay still

like I always did

I’m just far away.

People lie, words can fly

Your tongue was full of ties and all I hear now from you is a reason to get away

I was never the type to trust feelings, I’m afraid of empathy, all it did was destroy me

am I just a toy?, am I just utterly broken?

Will the day come where I’ll open up and I’ll get something that won’t hurt me?

Maybe I’ve broken hearts, and they made my soul cry

I can’t just blame, because I’ve lied too

Will they carry me where I belong?, will I find the music that I’ve longed for?

Maybe you’ll never love me, and that’s why I’d stay

I wish anything of what I’ve said would make the tiniest change

But maybe my poems are not good enough, my lips should remain sealed and I should just stay alone

but I can’t just pretend, there’s no pleasure in hurting myself anymore

I want to be free, and I wish I’d escaped when I had the chance

What a tragedy love is, I never meant for my feelings to go this deep

I wouldn’t date anyone, I’m done

I swear there’s not a road that’ll keep track of me, that’ll guide me where I belong

I was never meant to be here, and now I don’t think love exists, not for people like me at least

Let me cry, I’ll stop begging, I won’t complain and I won’t scream

Pushing people away always helped me, and they might beg, but I won’t shed a tear

Now let me create my own feelings, where I’ll be just safe

I won’t love, maybe I never could

I’ll forget whoever I loved, there was never a sound

and I just love people who’ll never love me, and I’m so sick for that.

Don’t ever search for me

For you won’t find what I’ve hid underneath

You think it’s all scripted, but I never meant for things to end like this

I used to think it was all a dream, but I’m never asleep

i think that I feel what I mean, but I can’t see what I need

i let you see me, and I gave you a kiss

I know I’m nothing to you, maybe you think you’re nothing to me

There’s so many feelings that are taking me to other place

And all I want is a escape

Would you give me your hand?

I can’t promise, and I can’t stay still

I can’t shake what’s been made before I was here

I can break the rules

Yet I can’t stop myself, I can’t heal

I wish my mind was sweet

Let me dream, let me live

Let me love and to express what I feel

Just let me be in peace.

I just can’t pretend that I understand what you say

What am I supposed to think?, should I believe?

i know it’s tricky, but I never seem to believe anything other than my own thoughts, which I still break and doubt

You could tell me you love me, but I’d still think that you’re trying to get something out of this

And I might be broken, I can’t be fixed

My feelings are so mixed, my head can’t find a way to be still and my heart wants to be free.

I can’t stand loving someone because there is no logic to it, and I can’t believe someone feels something genuine towards me because it might just be an strategy

And I am this strange mix of a moody, yet unhealthily rational girl

A misfit, such a stupid cliché

What you see it’s not what you’ll get, I cant just let

I’m just a poet, trapped on a heavily rational mind.

I just get sad

Looking at the picture perfect of you being a dad

doing things you never did with me,

you just tried to make me pay for crimes I didn’t commit

Why did you treat me like I was the ugliest thing, when all I wanted was for you to love me?

Is that too much to expect from the man who gave me half of his DNA? because you’re nothing more than that to me.

How stupid I was to think that things could really take a different meaning

when you’re still the same horrible being I always knew.

You were supposed to protect me, and you were the first one to break me

You took my innocence, and I never got to experience a family because you had to go ahead and ruin it

Are you so sick that you think she was deserving of all the pain you put her through? Because you didn’t even seem to care that I was there.

How could I not hate you, if people have always failed me

But you were the first to disappoint me, the first to betray me, to take all away from me.

There is no even a way of making all of this sound pretty, because there is nothing poetic about it; you broke me before I could even think.