Long story short, the Pasco County Sheriffs Office, which has been involved with evidence and witness tampering in the past, is still involved with not only that, but RICO Act violations, which has been alleged in the past as well. They did not learn from their past “mistakes” and are now doing it to me.

I can prove it, but I was not permitted to tell my side of the story.

Up to my current situation, I have always admired police.

I have submitted my evidence to the proper federal authorities. In the meantime, I have a Calendar Call at court tomorrow. I had to fire my lawyer for being incompetent, for ignoring exculpatory evidence, not even lifting a finger to help find a witness who will tell the truth. I can only submit the documents that the lawyer neglected to do. I am alone with this, and every day is agony and despair because of these liars. I bounce back occasionally, but I bounce a shorter distance with each recovery. Don’t know if I will survive this, so just an FYI: Be careful who and what you support and call a “hero”. There is nothing heroic about collusion  tampering with evidence in order to get a man incarcerated.

After years of substance use, abuse, and binging I have drug free and clean for almost 16 months.  I had stopped many times but relapsed many times also. Today my life differs from what it used to be.  I know I have a mental condition which has improved with medications and psychotherapy.  I cope with life differently by talking to my real friends, family members, and professionals.  

I want to share my experience with you to let you know  there is help for recovery and healing.  You just have to ask for help when you need it

I have experienced dark days in my lifetime and I know dealing with a mental illness can be stressful and draining.  It is important to trust someone to ask for help.

I started, “Let’s Talk Augusta”, which is an Emotional Support  Hotline for Georgia.  I am passing out cards in the community as well as posing signs on the roadside for people to  call this hotline if they need someone to talk  to.  I was able to purchase materials through donations.  

I am a 77 year old white male with a diagnosis of major depressive disorder, or, as previously known, clinical depression.

For a depressive like me, life hasn’t always been easy and I have experienced suicidal ideation often, which sometimes has lead to suicidal intent.  In my late 20s, a suicide attempt (by strangulation) was nearly successful, and that’s when I got help. 

I am alive today (and glad of it) because I got the help I needed: medication and therapy were surely my lifesavers.

Please, to all people, and especially young people, if you are experiencing suicidal anguish and just want to end things, don’t do it.  You can still have a rich and rewarding life, believe me.  I’ve had a successful and rewarding career, 4 children, and an amazing wife who always had my back and I know she loves me deeply.  Soon we’ll celebrate our 50th anniversary.

It does not matter that I still need my medications & therapist even after a lifetime.  I’m alive because of it. 

I have borderline personality disorder and depression anixty and psychosis it is hard to live with all these but I am strong I went to the hosplitle for my psychosis and depression. Your not alone I been to the hospice for my borderline personality disorder. I cry I fight it through you ar not alone I would cope with thinking my happy place

My name is Hannah Stark. I’m from an Atlanta Georgia however I presently live in Boone North Carolina. My main purpose for existing is to help others. I realized from a young age that I had a huge purpose in this world. My current mission is to break the sigma of mental illness, explicitly bipolar disorder. To acquire an unmistakable comprehension of my life I need you to tune in to my story.

Growing up I was consistently an overachiever. From the external glancing in it looked as though I had the “perfect”life. Little did they know it was the perfect illusion.
I was in front of an audience consistently competing in pageants and competitive cheer. I won nearly all that I contended in, and I made straight A’s.
I needed to be amazing inside and out, so I figured I ought to endeavor to have the “perfect” body also. This lead me down a hazardous way that nearly cost me my life.
At just twelve years old I was diagnosed with anorexia. I laid in the emergency clinic bed feeling hopeless, however I realized my story should not end at only twelve years of age.
In the interim, while I was battling anorexia, I was in the mist of filming a TV show. A couple of months after I left the emergency clinic I shared my story on Lifetime TV.
That was a groundbreaking moment for me, because I witnessed the number of individuals I could help by simply sharing my story.
After that I buckled down on my recovery. It was difficult, however it was worth it. After three years I was completely recovered from anorexia, and I thought my fight was finished. Much to my dismay I realized that anorexia was just the icing on the cake to my true illness.
When I hit puberty my mind changed somewhat. I didn’t act or think like I used to. My brain wouldn’t quiet down. I began to go days without resting, and I realized something wasn’t right. My outrage was at an unequaled high, as was my fixation. I faced challenge and I was occupied with wild conduct. After I descended from "celebrating good times” I fell into a profound wretchedness.
I was suffocating in bitterness, yet then half a month later I would feel like I was on top of the world and in charge once more. This vicious cycle proceeded for quite a long time, and at age 19 I was at my limit. My mom made me search for help. At that point my psychiatrist diagnosed me with bipolar 1 disorder. This finding was difficult to hear, yet I really felt a good feeling. Everything appeared well and good. I began taking the medication I should and going to treatment. I felt incredible, and my life was beautiful again.
My message to everybody is it’s OK not to be OK. Likewise, it’s OK to be bipolar! I’m currently in school studying brain science and I intend to go to clinical school after. I realize that one day I can help other people hands on. Up to that point, I urge you to search for treatment and not fear your analysis. Numerous individuals are battling and they are depending on you to improve so you can be a voice for them. I turned my mess into my message and so can you!

What are you working through? I bet you’ll find out that you are not alone.

Sometimes, when you’re doing well in life, you can hide the fact that you’re hurting. Even from yourself. If this resonates for you, know you are not alone.

At this moment, as we kick off mental health awareness month, I am grateful for my emotional strength and security. But I’d be a fraud to pretend I’ve always been this way.

When I sit to reflect with compassion, I recall the decade-plus of impulsive and risky behavior, the deep and loving relationships that were damaged, the escapism through work, sex, drugs, and alcohol, and the neglect of my own well-being as well as the family dynamics that I’d later discover were at the route of it all.

I was 15 years old when I smoked my first joint. I was away at school on the train tracks behind the pizza shop. I wanted to show the world that I had an edgy side. I got sick and had to hide away for the night, to not get found out, and kicked out of school.

The first of many blackouts from drinking came my freshman year of college. I couldn’t tell you the specific time.

A bit of an introvert until I warm up, that first line of cocaine at around 17, gave my confidence a boost and started a dark-secret relationship that would last almost 20 years.

I started taking my addiction and work-life balance seriously

My first panic attack came at about the age of 25. Induced by a prank by my boss, the morning after a holiday party, in which I was convinced I was going to lose my job. I’m glad I can finally laugh along with the joke.

My first session with a therapist happened about a year later. Though it would take several years to find someone I trusted and to fall into a groove.

In my late 20s as a rising middle manager, my anxiety became more chronic and signs of depression more apparent. I started taking my addiction and work-life balance seriously, but this journey was far from the end.

Late nights, several promotions, intense and failed relationships, and life transitions elapsed in a phase of life that now seems suspended in time. I remember sneaking out of work for group therapy, telling people I had an early evening yoga class. It was the truth some of the times.

My older brother’s stroke in 2017 started a major shift in my life. And his passing in 2019 brought me to a full stop. I retreated to the toxic coping mechanisms for one night more, and I thought my heart was about to explode. My system seized up and a message received. I was approaching my rock bottom and it was my choice if I’d let momentum keep pulling me to the end.

It took me at least 20 years, arguably more, to see the pain I was avoiding. It’s with this awareness and compassion that I know, mental health affects all of us.

My parents are still uncomfortable with these conversations, as I watch them numb their traumas away in their own ways. Most times we chalk it up to generational differences. But I’m not giving up. I see the pain that is released when gentle conversations allow them to open up about the moments that still bring them pain. And hearing them share, brings me healing too.

I’m not a therapist, but I see healing just the same. We all have the power to help each other be seen. We all have the power to help people release trauma by allowing their painful stories to be heard.

Depression, anxiety, autism, eating disorders, sleep issues, sex addiction and substance abuse are all mental health conditions that, when you look within and around you, you begin to realize, we are all trying to live and thrive with. In my eyes, mental health awareness month should be seen as a celebration rather than merely an advocacy campaign based on the sheer scale of the people whose lives the issue touches. The problem is, we as a society haven’t fully moved into embracing the reality of our traumas and the effects left behind on our collective mental health. Further, as a result, we haven’t invested enough systemically or individually to soften the shame and fear that hinders progress and to put in place infrastructure to support the gentle healing of our people.

That dark period of my life was me. And the trauma that I carried remains here. I can feel the shame, sadness, and anger I felt, losing power over me, each time that I find the strength to expose the stories that feed the feelings. This is why it’s important to continue sharing my truth and using my example to show others that they are not alone.

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Today is World IBD Day and I wanted to share a few things (treatments, symptoms ect) about living with IBD that I have personally experienced.

Symptoms of IBD that I have had include stomach cramps, fatigue, diarrhoea, constipation, weight loss, partial blockages of the small bowel, dehydration, blood in my stool and muscular cramps in the abdomen. I haven’t had all these symptoms at once (thankfully) but I have experienced them all in some capacity and in various combinations.

Treatments I have tried for my IBD include a lot of medications as well as surgery. I have been on anti inflammatory (mesalazine), steroids (prednisolone), immuno-suppressants (azathioprine, mercaptopurine & infliximab), anti-ulcer (omeprazole), antibiotics (co-trimoxazol), meds for bile salt malabsorbtion (colesevelam), as well as vitamin/mineral supplements (folic acid, adcal-d3 & colecalciferol). I have also been on fortisip nutrient drinks and (as of this week) modulen which is a complete nutritional replacement drink.

Other treatments (for lack of a better term) would be surgery. I had my colon removed about two years ago and a temporary end ileostomy (stoma) placed. Although many would assume this has “cured” me of my Ulcerative Colitis, removal of the affected organ sadly does not cure an auto-immune disease.

Side effects of these many treatments are numerous. From the medication alone I suffered with bloating, insomnia, loss/increase of appetite and weight gain/loss. The surgeries came with there own set of side effects which included muscle spasms in my rectum and abdomen, partial blockages of my small bowel, strictures (narrowing of the gut) and ulcers from infection. I also suffered with a case of ileus which is when the muscles that move food through the gut slow down, causing the bowel to effectively stop working for a time. This happened after my second surgery to form my j-pouch and took about three-four weeks to heal. Treatments for it included an NG-tube (a thin tube that goes in through the nose and down the oesophagus into the stomach to extract food and other waste that can’t move into the small intestine), and TPN (Total Parenteral Nutrition – another form of liquid nutrition that is fed via a PICC line (Peripherally Inserted Central Catheter) that goes in through a main line in the upper arm and ends somewhere near the heart).

I think out of all the things I listed here, ileus was the worst. It came on suddenly after surgery and meant I wasn’t allowed food for almost a month. It started with vomiting and my stoma stopped working (meaning nothing was passing through my gut). This is when they inserted the NG tube. They had to replace it once but it stayed in for about two weeks to clear out my stomach. In the meantime, they inserted the PICC line (which can be left for several weeks or even months) and started me on TPN. Eventually, when the NG tube wasn’t bringing anything else up, they removed it and after a couple of days, allowed me to try soup. When that stayed down, I was allowed to try soft foods and, eventually, I was back on normal diet and discharged from hospital after almost four weeks. This is the longest I’ve had to stay in hospital and I hope to never experience it again.

So, there you go. I know it’s a long post but I thought it would be worth sharing as people so often underestimate the impact of IBD on a patients life.

……

PS. This is the same article on my WordPress Blog but seeing as it’s extra long and I know not everyone will want to click the link, I thought I’d share it here in full.

with-my-murder-flute:

BIOFEEDBACK AND EMDR!

I’ve been lowkey annoyed, as a therapist, with all this “Booker should go to therapy” comments because if he can’t tell the truth, psychotherapy won’t be any fucking good for him.

A huge part of talk therapy’s effectiveness is having an experience of being truly seen, of being able to be authentic and real with another human being and feeling their honest empathy and acceptance. If Booker has to lie and hide 90% of his life, the benefit is very limited.

So I’ve been thinking about what’s actually his issue, what’s actually wrong with him, what could be treated.

There’s a little bit of a gimme the Old Guard get, where if a normal human being encountered that much pain and stress—I’m talking physical pain and physiological stress—they would be a burned-out wreck. Their nervous system would just spend all its time pumping out pain signals. So already, their neural healing is as advanced as their other healing.

But if we’re assuming Booker’s incredible history of trauma and years of nihilism has still managed to etch itself onto his brain the way it might a mortal’s… I mean, one therapy is medication, and beyond your usual antidepressants there are experimental PTSD medications with promise, like MDMA (yes, the party drug). He could also try transcranial magnetic stimulation, which is administered over 20-30 treatments over a year (every two or three weeks).

But as for things Booker would consciously work at, there are two well-proven process therapies that don’t rely on talk because they target the physiological and emotional mechanisms of PTSD more than the cognitive ones.

One is biofeedback—here’s an informative videoandan informative article. It basically means training your brain and body to react in a different and more controlled way, so that, for example, you’re able to calm down in response to an incipient panic attack, or able to focus on the positive in a stressful situation.

The other is EMDR—here’s an informative video andan informative article. In EMDR the therapist provides sensory stimuli that basically puts your brain into “debug” mode, and you practice going from a feeling of peace and stability, to accessing your traumatic memories, to finding new ways to deal with them, to going back to being okay enough to go back to your life. EMDR is rather unique because the client needs to talk very little; most of the work is done internally.

So those might be of use to Booker. And Quỳnh, if she ends up going too.

This is a great example of how to use psychology with your fictional characters! 

Your next chapter is going to cause some people to wish they had treated you better.