One of the really, really frustrating things about being autistic is that you feel like you spend your life trying to reach some sort of unattainable middle-ground:
- We’re criticised for not making enough conversation, but when we do actually really get in to a conversation we are told we’re ‘too intense’.
- We’re often trained to maintain unbroken eye-contact during conversations, yet in reality too much eye-contact is called ‘staring’ and makes people very, veryuncomfortable.
- We’re encouraged to ‘express’ ourselves more, yet our actual, genuine emotional reactions are usually deemed ‘innapropiate’ or ‘unnescessary’.
- We’re told to be friendly and confident when approaching new people, but are then warned that we ‘come off too strong’.
- We are told to try and make interesting conversation, but are also taught that speaking about our interests will only ever annoy other people.
- We’re asked to explain our difficulties and anxieties, only to be told that these explanations ‘make no sense’ or that our worries are unrealistic and invalid.
- We’re expected to force ourselves in to social situations that feel overwhelming and draining yet still somehow remain friendly, good-tempered and pleasantly sociable.
- We are encouraged to develop good self-esteem, while at the exact same time being taught that everything about us is wrong.
I don’t hate having autism - I’ve never hated having autism. But I do hate living with the never-ending pressure to attain this mythological ‘perfect’ level of social interaction that simply doesn’t exist in my case.
-We are told to use coping mechanism when we need them, but when we implement them we’re told to stop, act appropriately, and push through the situation “normally”.
- We’re told to pursue our creative passions, because according to diagnostic stereotypes we’re not supposed to have them, but when we prove adept and imaginative at making art, we’re dismissed as having unreasonable fixations, escapist tendencies, and wasting our time on producing content that has no value in capitalist terms. And even if we do make some money off our creative pursuits—unless we’re one of the infinitesimal percentage of creators who make millions—we’re told it’s not and never will be a real job.
…this is so depressingly true that I’m going to sit here, read it again, and pout autistically for a while. Until my ADHD brain sees something shinier.
I mean… I try so hard and get so far, but in the end it doesn’t really matter… and if I said anything more I’d be a whole Linkin Park song. But I try, I really do. It just doesn’t work out unless the people I’m interacting with are either part of a neurotribe or at least understand the issues.
When I was in college and officially starting the process of distancing myself from my father - whom I have not spoken to in over 15 years now - I wrote an emotional letter.
Trying, trying to get through to him.
I included the line, “I don’t cry to try an manipulate you,” something my step-mother had to my face accused me of (don’t worry, I only lived a few months with the woman before leaving for college).
His reply was a fairly literal “I don’t believe that,” a stating of fact.
And flashing to me earlier in college, trying desperately to fast walk to a bathroom so I could bawl my eyes out after - something, doesn’t matter - fortunately let me factually say to myself “Nope, I hate crying in front of people, that’s wrong.”
But, yep. Me showing negative emotions in front of anyone is a sign I’m at a 130% on the overwhelmed scale, please understand that this is entirely trauma based, all the way down (including my decision at entirely too young to “deal with my own problems” because everyone else in the family had too hard a time dealing with their own and it was “safer”).
As a child were you the “I’m an alien and I don’t understand human things” neurodivergent or the “I’m not supposed to be here I’m actually supposed to get whisked away to another world where I’m the chosen one” neurodivergent
Bitches be like ‘I’m so tired and sleepy’ and then stay up doing hyperfixtation shit for the next 5 hours
NO. NO. NO. THIS ISNT HAPPENING
by talos
I have been pulling a lot of covering shifts at my day care, which is exhausting because I’m also you know supposed to be the afternoon baby staff.
On Tuesday I was exhausted. Dead tired, seriously thought I was going to fall asleep at work after getting there at 7am and being stuck until just before 5pm.
I was able to turn off my cellphone just before 8pm.
The intervening time was desperately necessary, because it wasn’t just my body that was exhausted - I needed to unravel my brain into something that could sleep and not just go unconscious.
Chances are you’re “self-medicating” your stress levels when you’re hyper fixating despite physical exhaustion.
Learn what calms you down. I like craft and restoration vids on YouTube. Do you prefer reading something analog (can’t update), or maybe a round of Solitaire? Develop a sleep soundtrack - I like soundtracks, lyrical stuff to hook me and then the instrumental stuff to soothe me.
Calming down the neurodivergent brain is never going to be the same as what calms down a neurotypical brain.
Find what works for you, and start doing it mindfully.
And if your brain refuses to switch gears? Accept it’s working through something, and take periodic checks if you can disengage during a brain lull.
i know we have an insane amount of resources, positivity, affirmations and whatnot for mental health, but it’s ok if they don’t work for you. it’s ok if you don’t feel positive or confident or hopeful. you don’t have to force yourself into it. there’s a lot of toxic positivity around & it’s understandable if these affirmations or quotes have the opposite effect on you. there’s no easy or wrong road to what’s best for you and the hard truth about any mental health condition is that you didn’t chooseto have it. you can’t magically think or feel your way out of it and it’s ok to just embrace it, feel it and deal with it in the best way you can!!
What was your first special interest? Funniest one?
I think this is going to be hilarious so please share. For me I honestly have no idea but it was probably Dora the Explorer. Of course we didn’t have cable in those days so I watched the same 2 episodes on vhs over and over and over and had to get my “backpack” before my parents started the tape and if I couldn’t find it in time I would freak out lol. I watched Dora more casually until I was pretty old too- like 8 or 9- until a “friend” dissed it in front of me saying that it was boring and just the same thing over and over again.
I was also obsessed with a dvd of Bear in the Big Blue House at one point. The goodbye song still gives me warm fuzzies lol.
My funniest childhood obsession was probably acorns when I was four or five. I had a huge bag of acorns that I wanted to carry everywhere and loved to sort them and collect them and hold them and stare at them lol.
Free App Alert- Time Timer Mobile (iOS and android)
The official Time Timer app has temporarily gone free due to the pandemic. Analogous to the physical time timers. It is available for iOS (separate iPhone and iPad versions) and on the google play store.
someone i know was really excited and put her hands out at about waist level, clearly expecting a similar gesture from me. naturally, i took her hands in mine and smiled to show that i was equally excited. she wanted down-low high-fives. i see her almost every day. i am going to think about this before i sleep for years
I wonder what god was thinking when they created me
“let’s put this mentally ill trans gay afab autistic kid in an extra religious household somewhere in an asian conservative country who never acknowledges faer disability and struggles, it’s gonna be fun lol”
Yo autistic folks, i wanna know how we feel about allistics using the term “meltdown” to describe their allistic experience of like crying or breaking down, is this ok?
ALT
