I did some things. (If you use “retard” “autistic” or “gay” as an insult in an argument, just take the L.. you’ve already lost. (Also might do more of these)
Me:Maybe I don’t have ADHD… Maybe I’ve been faking it for attention after all.
Also me when I watch anything: Speeding up the playback because I don’t have an attention span, adding subtitles because auditory processing issues, turning the volume up to god Themselves to prevent a Thought from coming, and ending up scrolling through memes the whole time
One of the really, really frustrating things about being autistic is that you feel like you spend your life trying to reach some sort of unattainable middle-ground:
- We’re criticised for not making enough conversation, but when we do actually really get in to a conversation we are told we’re ‘too intense’.
- We’re often trained to maintain unbroken eye-contact during conversations, yet in reality too much eye-contact is called ‘staring’ and makes people very, veryuncomfortable.
- We’re encouraged to ‘express’ ourselves more, yet our actual, genuine emotional reactions are usually deemed ‘innapropiate’ or ‘unnescessary’.
- We’re told to be friendly and confident when approaching new people, but are then warned that we ‘come off too strong’.
- We are told to try and make interesting conversation, but are also taught that speaking about our interests will only ever annoy other people.
- We’re asked to explain our difficulties and anxieties, only to be told that these explanations ‘make no sense’ or that our worries are unrealistic and invalid.
- We’re expected to force ourselves in to social situations that feel overwhelming and draining yet still somehow remain friendly, good-tempered and pleasantly sociable.
- We are encouraged to develop good self-esteem, while at the exact same time being taught that everything about us is wrong.
I don’t hate having autism - I’ve never hated having autism. But I do hate living with the never-ending pressure to attain this mythological ‘perfect’ level of social interaction that simply doesn’t exist in my case.
-We are told to use coping mechanism when we need them, but when we implement them we’re told to stop, act appropriately, and push through the situation “normally”.
- We’re told to pursue our creative passions, because according to diagnostic stereotypes we’re not supposed to have them, but when we prove adept and imaginative at making art, we’re dismissed as having unreasonable fixations, escapist tendencies, and wasting our time on producing content that has no value in capitalist terms. And even if we do make some money off our creative pursuits—unless we’re one of the infinitesimal percentage of creators who make millions—we’re told it’s not and never will be a real job.
…this is so depressingly true that I’m going to sit here, read it again, and pout autistically for a while. Until my ADHD brain sees something shinier.
I mean… I try so hard and get so far, but in the end it doesn’t really matter… and if I said anything more I’d be a whole Linkin Park song. But I try, I really do. It just doesn’t work out unless the people I’m interacting with are either part of a neurotribe or at least understand the issues.
wondering if i’ll ever be able to be close enough to someone to actually fall in love with them haha. i’m going to be alone forever babe. fuck my autism and fuck my life.
i feel like i’m never going to find someone to love me, but yet i know realistically someone will probably love me, eventually, maybe. i’m not capable of touching people casually. i can’t even casually hug friends. so i doubt i’ll ever be able to kiss a girl on the cheek. or hug her. or do anything. human connections are so hard for me. i can barely hug my step-dad. the only person i can hug frequently and casually is my mom. i want to love someone and do all that lovey dovey shit but i feel like i just won’t be able to do it right. like i’ll fail and i don’t like failing at all. i also am afraid of rejection. i want a girlfriend but i feel like everyone my age is too immature for me so i feel like i won’t be able to get a girlfriend until college which makes me sad because i see other people in relationships around me. anyway yeah, love. it’s a thing. it’s scary. but i want it.
Pixar’sSoul contains a scene that VERY CLOSELY mimics the feeling of having a sensory overload.
It’s nothing mean-spirited or TRYING to cause sensory issues or anything like that - in fact, it’s a great opportunity to explain what a sensory overload is like - but just a head’s up, as it was a bit triggering for me when I wasn’t expecting it.
Also, VERY bright lights in some parts (I couldn’t continue watching after about 10 minutes because they hurt my eyes so badly)
Cats: “mew” • Like to make little noises to communicate • come off as aloof but actually just show affection differently • sometimes like touch…sometimes NO • ZOOM
Bats: often sensitive to light • unheard communication • known for flapping (literally called “Bats”) • so misunderstood - and feared??? • Needs dark and quiet
Birds (especially corvids and parrots): Sounds Galore! Some even mimic sounds they hear • More flapping • puzzle solvers • some are prone to anxiety when favorite person is gone • unique senses of style
Whales (Dolphins, “whales”, porpoises, belugas, narwhals): “EEEEE” • Some are very social, othrs are shy and roam the world humming ethereal tunes in the darkness we cannot comprehend • they do flips and spins just for fun • Sound sensitive. Noise pollution is harmful • Trickster Gods. But also have shown great empathy
Fireflies: Light it Up Gold! • Nonverbal Communication • Just love dark nights and cozy leaf litter • sensitive environmental changes • Somehow… we always find each other in the darkness ♡
Hey! Tired of having to share a month -that was chosen by allistics- with allistics? Tired of spending “your” month having to raise your voice over “autism moms”, promoting “awareness”, and fighting puzzle peices and hate groups? ~ WELL NO MORE!
August is officially Âûtistic Rebellion Month. Its ÂûtisticPRIDEMonth. We’re not out here for allistics - we’re out here for ourselves and this is OUR month. ❤
To celebrate, I’ll be making a cheeky Autistic Rebellion fact of the day for each day. Today’s fact is obviously: It’s Autistic Rebellion Month babeyyyy!
Anybody else who gets sensory hell when using body scrub when showering? I do. It starts to hurt and my legs are so itchy afterwards. But i can’t stop using it… my legs feel so soft afterwards. I honestly think i should stop using body scrub bc it’s sensory hell.. but at the same time i really like to touch body scrub.
It feels kinda weird and soapy and sometimes it even smell good.
That moment when you obsess over something and then the next week you find something new to obsess about. The ever changing cycles of my special interests in a nutshell. I have some many unfinished movies and tv series.. I have like 2 episodes left of the gifted: graduation.. i rly want to watch it but i’m just waaay to tired plus i have loads of other stuff to do.
I tend to “abandoned” stuff because i get a new special interest or i’m just waay to tired to obsess over that certain thing rn. Then i start to feel bad bc i just abandonded my interest like that for something else…
That autistic feel…. Lol but seriously these food separators are great!
I do that too. But i don’t have food seperators like that. So i just put the food as far away from each other as possible. I don’t really like when my salad get’s mixed with other kinds of (warm) sauces on my plate, i have nothing against it if i put it on myself.
So it’s kinda fun to look at my familys plate vs mine. Bc they aren’t bothered by it at all.. and i’m like ‘no no go away!’ almost everytime my food touch each other. If the food cold has touched the warm food i usually wont eat it. So my parents usually tell me i put too much food on my plate.
Damn i’m stressed.. i have my drivers test in 9 days and there are many things which i need to memorize. On top of that i also i have a 5-6 page assigment to write in danish-history… plus i need to produce a short film in media studies for an exam. We also need to film outside of school… It all just feels so exhausting. It feels almost impossible to get through. I’m so afraid of failing my drivers test.
I also started high school and the days are really long. Thats why i haven’t posted.. i just feel way too drained of energy.
- here is a short video of my artworks which i chose to exhibit. There are 7 in total! The quality is bad i know… Hehe
Soooo i got my art exhibited at a museum. It’s an exhibition where autistic people can exhibit their art. It lasts three days. I hung them up yesterday. This is a really big moment for me in my life! I reached one of my goals❤️❤️ It might only be three days.. But that doesn’t matter tho.
Soooo regarding my drivers lisence… Its getting hard financilley.. My parents really cant afford it anymore.. Bc it cost so much money.
Every time i tell them i feel pressured to do it they brush it off. And it makes me so damn mad!! Plus my driving teacher wants me to drive flawlessly before i can go up to the final driving test.
I feel really pressured bc i feel like im not good enough. Sometimes i drive pretty good and sometimes i drive pretty badly.
I also drive in a big city which just makes it all harder.
My parents are also feeling less and less optimistic about me getting my drivers lisence anytime soon.. That only makes me more unconfident than i already am. I feel like a failure
Soooo i took my first mental health day in a weekday.. in years. I tend to feel ashamed and guilty of myself every time i miss out on classes. But i have been so mentally down since i started school again (which was on august 13rd). It was nice to take a break from school honestly.. and it was very much needed.
I also didn’t have any absence until now. I feel mentally drained, hopeless and much more but i’m working on it. I have talked with my school psykologist, my doctor and parents about it and it will hopefully work out in the end.. i just gotta remain hopeful and not have as much anxiety about the future which scare me more than enough.
It’s okay to take days off sometimes when you need it.
