To anyone else who has ever felt the heartache of a toxic relationship with their mother or father, please know you’re not alone. Remember, you don’t have to have a relationship with anyone—even with family, should you choose not to.
I know what it feels like to be unwanted and unloved. I know the pain of wishing your parents thought you were enough and that they loved you enough to acknowledge your pain. I know the guilt that comes with walking away and the weight it puts on you. I know how it feels to blame yourself for all of it.
It’s okay to put yourself first…especially if your parents couldn’t. It’s okay to let them go. You are not alone and are worthy of more than they are capable of giving you.
You will find acceptance, love, and family. And let me tell you from personal experience, a chosen family that you create can always be stronger than blood. Let in those who see you, respect you, and love you as you are. If it hasn’t happened yet and you are still looking for them, hold on—they’re looking for you too.
Living with SMA Video Contest - My Not So Normal Normality
December 1, 2018
“My advice to other disabled people would be, concentrate on things your disability doesn’t prevent you doing well, and don’t regret the things it interferes with. Don’t be disabled in spirit as well as physically.” -Stephen Hawking
Greetings from the girl sitting at her computer writing to you all. I have some important information to share with all of you. So sit back, and please read this all the way through. I understand that all of you have busy lives, however, this is extremely important to me.
A week or so ago, I sent out a post promoting a video I have created for a contest. This contest’s main purpose is to bring about more awareness to my disease, Spinal Muscular Atrophy. The winner of this contest will be decided by how many likes each contestant has on their video. I am competing against five other people who also have SMA. Now, my video has 72 wonderful likes, thank you so very much to those who took the time to click the like button on my video and not just my post, but 3 of the other contestants have likes in the hundreds. I noticed that my video, compared to the rest of them, is extremely different. My competitors simply did a video of themselves speaking, while mine is a narration with music accompaniment. Speaking for 3 minutes straight is not an easy feat, therefore I attempted to make my submission a bit more creative and entertaining on this topic that hits so close to home.
So, please, click or tap on the link below to my video on YouTube and click the like button, if you haven’t already. Every “like” and every “share” is so important to get this video out to more and more people. Let’s make this video go viral and show the world that, yes, living with an impairment is difficult. But it makes us who we are, and it’s nothing to be ashamed of. Always Keep Fighting. Be Well Be Strong.
i’m in pain. in so much pain, it’s crazy. i did not expect that ending at all. it’s so hard to accept that this era has come to an end, and like this. this was the most unexpected thing to happen, to see sam carrying on without dean for the rest of his life. his “apple pie life” which wasn’t half as beautiful as before because unlike the hard, monster filled life of pain, this one was without his brother. sam and dean lived only for each other. dean died giving sam what dean wanted the most, for him to live a life that was normal. sam gave dean what dean wanted the most too. the pain is excruciating. i can’t believe the people i held onto in my darkest moments bid me a goodbye like this. i can’t bring myself to accept this and am just somehow hoping for a miracle to happen and a finale be shot again. but unfortunately, it won’t.
my life, personally, has been anything but normal. of course not as crazy as the winchesters but yeah haha. i’ve got a fucked up mental health and even more fucked up family. i haven’t really got friends, and the people i met online who want to be there for me, i can’t bring myself to talk to them about what i go through. so sam and dean have been the people i held onto, for a long long time. past few months were especially hard, and the past few days took a few hard turns for me. and it now feels harder to know that the people who were “there for me” aren’t there anymore. and not only because the show has ended. it’s funny how someone who doesn’t even exist can have such a deep impact on your life. dean has been so special for me, it’s hard to bring into words. he was my comfort person. a person i related to a lot. maybe the only character i actually did relate to. to see him going without even having the chance to live, after struggling all through his life took away a little hope from me, but again like he would say carry on.
Dean deserved better and Sam deserved better. They deserved all the happiness the world has to offer. They still do. What made me happy is that they actually are together, maybe not in this world but the other. But the possibility of what all they could have, what all they deserved just makes a little space in my heart which is hard to fill. They are always going to be permanent parts of my heart.
I know it’s been so hard for everyone, but I guess this family we made here is together and will always be. Dean and Sam are alive for us and will be. Dean did not die an untimely death here, in this fandom he’s living happily with Sam. Dean married (Y/N is you’re a dean girl) and Sam married (Y/N if you’re a sam girl). Every day starts with Sam forcing Dean to exercise while Miracle play around happily and it ends with Dean eating a big slice of pie while Sam shakes his head, sometimes annoyed and sometimes happily. They spoil their girls everyday. Sometimes they all sit together as the boys tell you about the hunts they’ve been on. Dean bragging about his heroism and Sam doing the same sometimes. It isn’t until midnight when they’re alone with their wives that they opened up about the struggles they faced. A few tears and a lot of kisses, you make love until his pain is replaced with pleasure. And just like that, a new day starts and their lives carry on.
I’m still not sure when I’ll be active again, like I said it’s been really hard lately. My career, my family and even myself. Nothing seems to go right. I’m surrounded by a lot of toxic and abusive people and now of course, now that my favorite people have gone, it’s gonna be even harder. I guess I’ll have to read a few fics to finally feel Dean alive again. So do suggest me if there are some fix-it fics. And please talk about your experiences too, I know it’s hard on all of us. I love you, always keep fighting.
Idea for an alternate Supernatural ending (that’s doable with quarantine)
If we must keep the nail then ok Dean is dying but then Jack hears their prayers. He could heal him but he brings back Cas to do it instead. He stands in the barn and smiles as Cas goes over, Sam steps back with those big eyes and Cas heals Dean, who wakes up and does that ‘Cas’ in the voice break and everyone is emotional but it’s good.
Jack goes back with them to the bunker for beer and they talk about stuff for a while and while going to the kitchen to get a refill Cas goes to Dean to talk about what he said before the empty took him and we finally get our heart to heart closure while Jack and Sam are being an adorable father son combo.
Jack explains that although he brought Dean and Cas back, he really shouldn’t keep resurrecting them because he wants to respect the balance of the universe and make sure things don’t get out of control again. They agree to take it easier and not be so reckless.
We can have a bit of a time jump here, Sam is with Eileen because of course and Dean is with Cas because with all the buildup and action codes and semiotics over the past season there’s not really any other way to go. If you really don’t want to show anything, at least have them wearing each others’ jackets and maybe even Cas wearing Dean’s amulet (yes we can get it back Jack is God ok)
They’re training new hunters using their bunker as a base, Sam in charge because he was a great leader with the hunters from apocalypse world and Dean giving advice and being the guy hunters go to when they’re freaking out or having nightmares or whatever. The new gen hunters can include the wayward sisters and the leftovers from apocalypse world who had settled elsewhere, plus maybe some of Jack’s friends. In short, Sam and Dean are basically the new Bobbys. Cas doesn’t let Dean go out on jobs so much, especially not without him because boi is too reckless and is supposed to be retired
If actors can’t get there because of covid, have them phoning in a la Bobby’s setup and the boys running point from computers- maybe Sam running a mission while Dean gives a young hunter a pep talk (encouraging like he wished his dad had been) and Cas sees from a doorway and smiles like yep that my boi
Cas of course also patches up the injuries but Sam teaches first aid too
If we must do a big timeskip to them being old (and 'farting sawdust’), the couples are still together and things are running smoothly without the boys in charge. They raised their own Sams and Deans and Jos and Eileens and they grew up great…they grew up heroes
If Eileen can’t be there because of covid, Sam can video call her, or you can show their child using sign language
If Cas can’t be there because covid he can be on the phone to Dean, and we can have some callbacks to their previous awkward calls when Cas was still learning to use a phone
The dog is still there because this ain’t his fault
If you insist on then also having them die, when they get to heaven they meet Bobby- their real dad. He hugs them and says that everyone is waiting for them. They ask “who?” (at the same time of course) and Bobby opens a door and gestures for them to go in. There’s a warm light, music, and you can hear the voices of people laughing and talking- totally doable from remotely just record the voices. The voices include: Kevin, Adam, Mary, Ash, Ellen, Jo, Gabriel, Jessica, Charlie and pretty much anyone who’s ever meant anything to them. Not only is it great closure for the fans but it’s a lovely sendoff and a thank you to all the many wonderful cast members from over the years who made this show special.
Today is the 20th anniversary of my big brother’s death. He was type 1 diabetic, and he passed away unexpectedly at the age of 16 from a hypoglycemic event. I was twelve at the time and had been diagnosed not even a year before. There are days that I feel like giving up on diabetes. Sometimes I just feel I can’t carry the weight of constant testing, counting, bolusing, correcting…I feel I just can’t carry the weight of caring anymore. On my darkest days I’ve struggled to force myself to eat to treat a low blood sugar; I have thought how easy it would be to just, well…not. To just let myself slip away. On those dark days I struggled to believe the fight was worth it. I struggled to believe that I was worth fighting for.
And then I thought of Christopher, who doesn’t have the chance to fight anymore, and that’s where I found my strength. How could I give up when he doesn’t even have the choice to keep fighting?
He will never know it, but he’s saved my life.
I know many who are reading this have felt like giving up. I still feel it sometimes. I hope that all of you can find someone or something you can fight for when you don’t feel up to fighting for yourself. Someone or something that reminds you that you are worth the fight. Someone or something that reminds you that even when you are feeling your weakest, you can still be strong. Because even if it’s hard to believe, you are worth fighting for.
You are loved. You are enough. You are doing amazing right where you are. A bad does not mean a bad life. Sam and Dean love you. Always Keep Fighting. You are not alone.
There I was, standing in the photo op line with the inspiration of my life just one room away …
My heart started pounding, my hands started sweating, the thoughts started rushing: “how did I get here?? I am not worthy enough for his presence?? does my hair look okay?? god, I can’t even believe I thought I could do this. I think I might throw up or pass out or both. I’ve been waiting for this for so long…I fought for this moment I better not screw it up.”
All this going on internally while I managed to keep a calm and collected exterior.
As I entered the photo op room and kept trying to calm down I dared to look up to see the gorgeous, compassionate, giant, heroic man we have all been lucky and blessed to know: the one and only Jared Padalecki.
And instantly, I could breathe comfortably once again.
Just being in his presence was enough to make me feel like this was the one place where I finally belonged. Anybody could practically feel the joy radiating off of him from miles away. In this room I felt good. I felt safe. I felt understood. But most importantly, I felt truly happy.
My nerves turned into butterflies. My pained expression from trying to keep calm turned into the biggest smile I had smiled in months. My anxiety turned into the greatest excitement I had ever felt in my entire life.
It was in that moment where I truly felt the “pinch me I swear to god I am dreaming” feeling you get when you can’t believe what’s happening.
But this was real.
As I got closer and closer to Jared I memorized whatever I could so that I could remember that moment for the rest of my life. I made sure to remember that he was wearing jeans with the “Love” campaign sweatshirt. I noted that he had a little bit of a beard growing in. I remembered him wearing a nice watch on his left wrist as well as his wedding ring. I observed how he towered over every fan that went before me (cue the ‘damn, he really is tall’ realization). I tried my best to fill my mind with these details and more so I could have a thorough memory to cherish forever.
It was finally my turn to meet him. He turned to me and, well, me being me kind of panicked and blanked and spit out the first thing that I could think of:
“Oh my god you’re beautiful,” I said.
I will forever mentally slap myself for that one.
He responded, “No, you’re beautiful!” then flashed his adorable smile to me. (I died)
I then smiled back at him and, again, me being me just kind of froze not knowing what to do so Jared opened his long arms and said, “Well what are you waiting for get in here!”
I beamed at him and wrapped my arms around him and took a quick second to cherish the fact that I was getting a bone-crushing hug from Jared Padalecki. I was overwhelmed with joy and gratitude and will always remember what it felt like to be in Jared Padalecki’s arms, looking at a camera, and seeing the line of people in my peripheral vision going through the same thoughts and feelings I had been going through just seconds before.
Unfortunately my moment ended just as quickly as it had started. With my brain being mush and a whole line of people behind me, I didn’t want to even try to make a conversation (not that you’re supposed to but some people do). I didn’t try to tell him my sob story, I didn’t try to tell him how much he means to me, hell, I didn’t even try to tell him my name.
But we pulled back from the embrace and as I started to walk away I looked at him and said one simple sentence:
“I love you so much; thank you for everything.”
And that was enough.
He took my hand and said, “No, thank you darling. (then he winked at me and i died) I love you too.”
And I walked out of that room with the biggest and stupidest grin I think I could possibly ever muster. I was beyond satisfied with how it went. I was so so happy. I didn’t cry and it came out super cute. And I have an idea for my photo at this year’s convention in San Francisco (*ahem ahem* pls read my post about sfcon 2017 I WANNA MAKE FRIENDS WHO ARE GOING AHH).
So there’s the story of when I met Jared Padalecki. I wanted to write this and post it in honor of his birthday, though in pretty much all of the world except Hawaii his birthday is over… Well then this is me saying happy belated birthday to Jared.
Happy belated birthday my inspiration and my hero. I hope it was the best. <3
also for those of you wondering why my latest jared story has “again” in parenthesis, here’s the story of when i met jared for the first time :)
I had no idea what to expect this time. I didn’t even know what I wanted to say to Jared until about 10 minutes beforehand. Well, actually, I knew exactly what I wanted to do and say and I had known for months … I was just too nervous to carry it out because of my fear of being questioned about it afterwards.
I knew this year that I wanted to genuinely tell Jared how much he means to me, or at least begin to scratch the surface. I knew that I wanted to tell him how he’s helped me through a lot of shitty times with his campaign work, his openness about his mental health struggles, and simply being the compassionate person he is. I wanted to tell him that he is my light, my rock, my inspiration. Most importantly, I wanted to make a promise.
In the ‘Notes’ app on my phone, I have a note from January 29, 2017 that says, “i really really want a photo op with jared padalecki of us with our pinkies wrapped around each other’s so i’ll have a reminder for myself that i pinky promised jared padalecki to always keep fighting against my struggles with anxiety and depression.” I went to the San Francisco convention with this heavy in my heart and prominent in my mind, but I knew if I did this my family and friends would ask me to explain. I didn’t want to explain it to them because I knew they weren’t going to understand. I was afraid they’d call it dumb, pointless, a waste of money. I was scared they would tell me it doesn’t mean anything because he’s “just another superficial celebrity and doesn’t care about you.” But instead of listening to the anxious thoughts in my head, I decided to do what my heart most deeply desired.
So as I found myself in the same anxiety-provoking photo op line that I had been through one year before, I tried to prepare exactly how I wanted to voice my thoughts to Jared. The last thing I wanted to do was hold up the line and have everyone get mad at me, so I was trying to figure out how to make it quick and easy.
As the line moved along, I watched him interact with other members of the SPN Family just like me. I noticed (once again) how he seemed to tower over every single person he spoke to. I remember the girls in front of me being super nervous, not in the fangirling sort of way, but in the quiet-because-i-am-speechless-and-might-faint sort of way and an “I’m Alive” member distracting them from their nerves.
It was at this point that I started to tear up as I realized what I was about to do and I mentally kicked myself until I had my emotions under control.
I remember the door to outside was open, causing a strong draft to make its way through the room. I remember standing at the front of the line and feeling the butterflies in my stomach intensify by 100% and next thing I knew I was talking to the one person who gives me hope and makes me feel loved in this world.
He turned to me and flashed his beautiful smile to me just like he did one year prior, and instantly I felt relaxed once again. I felt calm, like this was the most normal thing in the world, and I felt happy. And out of nowhere, a small but sudden burst of confidence flowed through me and I found my voice. As I began talking he held onto both my hands and leaned down close to my face so that he could hear me over the blaring music in the room.
“I was wondering if for the photo op, we could be hugging but with our pinkies wrapped around each other because after all that I’ve been through, I want to promise you right now that I will always keep fighting,” I said.
I watched his facial features as he realized what I said; he pulled away. He bent down, looked at me in the eye and held his hand up for a high five. When our hands came in contact he interlaced his fingers with mine, as he said, “I am so proud of you.”
I smiled the biggest smile I had in months. We got into the pose, Chris took the photo, and Jared just embraced me. He hugged me tighter than I had ever been hugged before (actually, that’s debatable after the sandwich op I had with Jared and Jensen just an hour beforehand). I can’t describe his scent because I couldn’t think coherently enough in the moment to put words to it. I just remember feeling safe and comforted by it.
I said, “Thank you so much for all you’ve done because it’s helped me more than you could ever know.”
He pulled away, grabbed my hands again, and spoke to me while staring intently into my eyes, “It will get better, ok? You will be better. You just have to hang in there and keep fighting.”
“Okay,” I said, too enraptured to form any other words.
“Promise?” he asked.
I smiled, nodded, and held out my pinky again, “I pinky promise,” I said before he wrapped his pinky around mine.
I then made my way out of the room and reflected on everything that had happened, and everything I wanted to say at autographs later that night (that’s another story. a shorter story, but another story).
Now looking back, I think my only regret throughout all my encounters with Jared was that I never mentioned my name. I don’t know why but my heart just really wishes that I did.
All in all, it was the best day of my life, and my picture turned out better than I ever imagined. In that moment, Jared had all of his attention on me and listened to what I said and took it to heart. It was one of the most important moments of my life, and he made me feel like I was important to him. He made me feel loved. He made me feel like there was and there still is hope for my complete recovery. He is my reason to keep fighting. And I could never thank him enough for that.
i know it’s been a while since i’ve posted this but i just wanted to say wow thank you for all the kind words and love y'all have shown to my story. it truly was a moment that i’ll never forget, & as school has been starting up & getting horrible again i find myself putting myself back in this moment. jared truly is a light in this world & i hope that all of you get to experience a jared hug or some jared comfort some time in your life. <3
I had no idea what to expect this time. I didn’t even know what I wanted to say to Jared until about 10 minutes beforehand. Well, actually, I knew exactly what I wanted to do and say and I had known for months … I was just too nervous to carry it out because of my fear of being questioned about it afterwards.
I knew this year that I wanted to genuinely tell Jared how much he means to me, or at least begin to scratch the surface. I knew that I wanted to tell him how he’s helped me through a lot of shitty times with his campaign work, his openness about his mental health struggles, and simply being the compassionate person he is. I wanted to tell him that he is my light, my rock, my inspiration. Most importantly, I wanted to make a promise.
In the ‘Notes’ app on my phone, I have a note from January 29, 2017 that says, “i really really want a photo op with jared padalecki of us with our pinkies wrapped around each other’s so i’ll have a reminder for myself that i pinky promised jared padalecki to always keep fighting against my struggles with anxiety and depression.” I went to the San Francisco convention with this heavy in my heart and prominent in my mind, but I knew if I did this my family and friends would ask me to explain. I didn’t want to explain it to them because I knew they weren’t going to understand. I was afraid they’d call it dumb, pointless, a waste of money. I was scared they would tell me it doesn’t mean anything because he’s “just another superficial celebrity and doesn’t care about you.” But instead of listening to the anxious thoughts in my head, I decided to do what my heart most deeply desired.
So as I found myself in the same anxiety-provoking photo op line that I had been through one year before, I tried to prepare exactly how I wanted to voice my thoughts to Jared. The last thing I wanted to do was hold up the line and have everyone get mad at me, so I was trying to figure out how to make it quick and easy.
As the line moved along, I watched him interact with other members of the SPN Family just like me. I noticed (once again) how he seemed to tower over every single person he spoke to. I remember the girls in front of me being super nervous, not in the fangirling sort of way, but in the quiet-because-i-am-speechless-and-might-faint sort of way and an “I’m Alive” member distracting them from their nerves.
It was at this point that I started to tear up as I realized what I was about to do and I mentally kicked myself until I had my emotions under control.
I remember the door to outside was open, causing a strong draft to make its way through the room. I remember standing at the front of the line and feeling the butterflies in my stomach intensify by 100% and next thing I knew I was talking to the one person who gives me hope and makes me feel loved in this world.
He turned to me and flashed his beautiful smile to me just like he did one year prior, and instantly I felt relaxed once again. I felt calm, like this was the most normal thing in the world, and I felt happy. And out of nowhere, a small but sudden burst of confidence flowed through me and I found my voice. As I began talking he held onto both my hands and leaned down close to my face so that he could hear me over the blaring music in the room.
“I was wondering if for the photo op, we could be hugging but with our pinkies wrapped around each other because after all that I’ve been through, I want to promise you right now that I will always keep fighting,” I said.
I watched his facial features as he realized what I said; he pulled away. He bent down, looked at me in the eye and held his hand up for a high five. When our hands came in contact he interlaced his fingers with mine, as he said, “I am so proud of you.”
I smiled the biggest smile I had in months. We got into the pose, Chris took the photo, and Jared just embraced me. He hugged me tighter than I had ever been hugged before (actually, that’s debatable after the sandwich op I had with Jared and Jensen just an hour beforehand). I can’t describe his scent because I couldn’t think coherently enough in the moment to put words to it. I just remember feeling safe and comforted by it.
I said, “Thank you so much for all you’ve done because it’s helped me more than you could ever know.”
He pulled away, grabbed my hands again, and spoke to me while staring intently into my eyes, “It will get better, ok? You will be better. You just have to hang in there and keep fighting.”
“Okay,” I said, too enraptured to form any other words.
“Promise?” he asked.
I smiled, nodded, and held out my pinky again, “I pinky promise,” I said before he wrapped his pinky around mine.
I then made my way out of the room and reflected on everything that had happened, and everything I wanted to say at autographs later that night (that’s another story. a shorter story, but another story).
Now looking back, I think my only regret throughout all my encounters with Jared was that I never mentioned my name. I don’t know why but my heart just really wishes that I did.
All in all, it was the best day of my life, and my picture turned out better than I ever imagined. In that moment, Jared had all of his attention on me and listened to what I said and took it to heart. It was one of the most important moments of my life, and he made me feel like I was important to him. He made me feel loved. He made me feel like there was and there still is hope for my complete recovery. He is my reason to keep fighting. And I could never thank him enough for that.
as i’m trying to write an entire spanish paper in one night, i just realized sf con is in less than a month and I SQUEALED I AM SO EXCITED!!!
absolutely cannot wait to meet the inspirations of my life again ❤️
ugh it just gives me so much hope … how can a fandom for a tv show make someone feel so safe? i’ll never know the answer to that one… but i just can’t wait to witness the magic and energy of the spn family in person once again
i need to talk to someone but i don’t know what to say or where to start
guys i’m not okay. nowhere near it. and i don’t really know what to do
school is kicking my ass and it’s just barely been a month. i can feel the depression seeping into my bones and the anxiety trying to take over my life.
i want to talk to my friends. i really want to. i trust them with everything i’ve got but i’m too scared. they’ve asked me if i’m okay and my mind screams no but my mouth says yes before i can form a coherent sentence.
i’m having thoughts that i don’t wanna think. i want to feel what it feels like to want to live again.
but i’m just too tired to.
in fact, i’m really tired of being tired.
insomnia has been a bitch lately. or at least the mountains and mountains of homework that have prevented me from sleeping.
it’s too much.
i’ve been inactive because life is just being too much.
thanks for listening if you’ve gotten this far. hopefully it’ll get better. but it never does.
Hi! I’ve read it and want to say that you are not alone. And I mean what I say: you have friends, so, if you do trust them completely, you should try to overcome yourself and talk to them. That’s the way real friends do; like Jared and Jensen, they always support one another; as you probably know, Jared has a depression, and Jensen is always there for him. The same thing with you: if you have the same best friend(s), tell him/her/them about your real state of mind. The longer you keep it all inside of you, the worse you gonna feel. You just need to talk about it to the one you trust the most. And you’ll get better. If they ask you what’s going on with you, it means they SEE it, they see that something is wrong with you. And they probably want to help you – so let them do it! Let them support you. And it’ll get better.
That’s the thing I love about our great SPN Family fandom – we support one another I really hope that everything’s gonna be OK with you
thank you so much for this. a couple days after i posted that i actually had an encounter at school with my best friend that went like this:
my friend, we’ll call her charlotte to keep her anonymous: are you okay?
me: yeah i’m fine
charlotte: no you’re not
me: what do you mean?
charlotte: we’re gonna have a little chit chat after school. you and me. you’re gonna talk to me.
then she walked away to her class.
we sat down for two hours talking about life, death, and everything in between. i blurted out my feelings of hopelessness to her and how i’m having trouble finding a reason to stay. though she seemed shocked, she understood and told me she doesn’t know how to help me but she wants to. i’m not sure how she can either..other than just being there for me. i think this experience brought us closer together.
things have been hard. there are more bad days than good days, but nonetheless they are days that i continue choosing to stay. and that’s what matters.
you reaching out means the world to me. and you’re right, the spn family is so supportive and i am proud to be a part of it. people like u and people like my friend “charlotte” remind me that everything will be okay. i will be okay. it’ll take time but i’ll get there. we’ll all get there.
i need to talk to someone but i don’t know what to say or where to start
guys i’m not okay. nowhere near it. and i don’t really know what to do
school is kicking my ass and it’s just barely been a month. i can feel the depression seeping into my bones and the anxiety trying to take over my life.
i want to talk to my friends. i really want to. i trust them with everything i’ve got but i’m too scared. they’ve asked me if i’m okay and my mind screams no but my mouth says yes before i can form a coherent sentence.
i’m having thoughts that i don’t wanna think. i want to feel what it feels like to want to live again.
but i’m just too tired to.
in fact, i’m really tired of being tired.
insomnia has been a bitch lately. or at least the mountains and mountains of homework that have prevented me from sleeping.
it’s too much.
i’ve been inactive because life is just being too much.
thanks for listening if you’ve gotten this far. hopefully it’ll get better. but it never does.
Summary: When life gets to be too hard and you can’t seem to get out a dark place, who is there to pick you up and hold you?
Prompt: “Hey beautiful, you okay?”
A/N: I’ve been in a bit of a dark place for a little while now and I have felt a little alone and this was the result of it. It’s always nice to know the Winchester’s are there for you when you need them most. Feedback would be greatly appreciated! :)
It was the middle of the night when you had woke up in the middle of the night in a cold sweat. The fifth night in a row and you were growing increasingly tired and frustrated by it. It was slowly becoming your nightly routine. You’d wake up and instead of trying to get back to sleep, you’d slip on your slippers and throw on one of the flannels you stole a while back from one of the boys. Tonight was another one of those nights.
The bunker was completely silent, not even the sounds of snores coming from one of the boys rooms. Tonight, you were feeling like a late night snack. You patted your feet down to the bunker’s kitchen, flicking on the lights. Dean had cleaned it up a couple of days ago while you and Sam went out on a supply run.
Jensen’s youngest sister is going through a tough time with depression and Jensen is determined to help her. This fic features many things that may cause triggers. There will be trigger warnings at the beginning of every part; the two biggest are depression & suicidal thoughts/actions. Graphic made by the amazing @starswirlblitz
I loved this entire series so so soooo much. I related to this character a lot, and I think it was beautifully written. This has got to be one of my favorite fics I’ve read in such a long time; I absolutely loved it.
Before anyone decides to read it, please please pay attention to the warnings and the tags because anyone can potentially be triggered by the topics and issues in the story.
Take a moment to appreciate what this beautiful moose is doing and has done for all of us.
1. ALWAYS KEEP FIGHTING.
This gave us hope. Gave us strength. Told that it’s okay to feel the way you’re feeling, it’s okay to hit the ground but you must stand again, keep fighting the fight. That we got your back, you’re not alone in this fight. You’ll get through it, stay strong. Don’t use hope. When life knocks you down, never give up. Always keep fighting. Don’t underestimate your own strength. AKF - MADE US STRONG.
2. LOVE YOURSELF FIRST.
This helped us get comfortable in our own skin. Yes, people don’t think they deserve to be loved, that they are not good enough. They find it hard to feel comfortable in their own skin, their own body. Told that you are beautiful the way you are, love yourself. Go easy on yourself, forgive yourself for the hard times. Mistakes make you who you are. Stop hating yourself for everything that you aren’t and start loving yourself for everything that you are. LYF - MADE US LOVE OURSELVES.
3. I AM ENOUGH.
“I AM ENOUGH! And so are YOU.” Because sometimes you feel like you can’t fight and sometimes you feel like you just can’t love yourself. When that happens, remember that you are enough. You’re enough as you are.
A/N: The “Our Girl” series will be back after the first 6 parts of “Together,” so feel free to continue submitting ideas for it. A/N2: If you want to be tagged in anything, just let me know.
You sat on Jared’s lap with your feet on Jensen’s thigh. You were comfortable enough, but then Jensen started giving you a foot massage and you thought your head was going to explode.
“Feel good?” Jared chuckled, seeing the expression on your face as Jensen rubbed your feet.
“So good,” you nodded.
Jensen smirked, “Good.”
You put your head on Jared’s shoulder, “So, while I’m relaxed, should we talk about this whole thing? The boundaries and all that?”
“If that’s what you want to do,” Jared said.
“Okay,” you thought for a second. You didn’t know where to begin with the conversation, “So, what happens in public?”
“Well, I guess that depends. We have to think about the stigma that comes with this and how it’s pretty taboo,” Jared said, “And I don’t want you to get any kind of backlash because of it.”
You sighed, “That’s like the only bad part. No one will really accept it. I guess we just keep it between us.”
