Shadows Of A Ghost.

This darkness is so vast
I feel like I’m falling so fast.
And with every fall I fear
I’ll never make it out of here.
That one day you’ll wake and
I’ll simply disappear,
as if I was never really here.

Sometimes I Wonder..

Sometimes I wonder,
if you ever feel remorse
or understand the gravity
of the pain your actions caused.

I don’t think you do
or you wouldn’t continue,
to put me through the daily abuse.

Sometimes I wonder,
if you could go back
would you do it all over again?
If you knew now what you didn’t back then?

Just Another Statistic

I fear I’ll end up
just another number.
Another statistic
on a spreadsheet.

Lost in the wave,
all those souls
forgotten.

Will anyone
remember our names.
What will I become to you?

Just a number;
One hundred and thirty two.
Which one am I to you?


(132 is the average number of suicides every day in America)

reblog / like if you save them.

Ever wonder how it feels to parent with bipolar?

Mental health is finally starting to become less taboo in today’s society, but it seems like celebrities are #trending anxiety and depression. I don’t doubt that lot’s of people have anxiety/depression (myself included,) I just wish the more controversial mental illnesses were talked about.

So, here it goes.

I’m bipolar, and it’s boring 90% of the time.

When I was first diagnosed it was a…

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10 Things I Experience During a Bipolar Mixed Episode

I had surgery a little over two weeks ago, and it triggered a mixed episode.

If you don’t know what bipolar is, its a mental illness where a person experiences periods of depression and periods of mania. Mania is typically viewed as the high but isn’t always fun.I’m on two different medications for my bipolar. An SSRI to target the depression and a mood stabilizer. They were working pretty…

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What Demi Lovato’s Relapse Means to a Fellow Bipolar Woman

If you haven’t heard…Demi overdosed on heroin today. She is thankfully “okay” now, and is recovering according to news sources. Thanks to her new song, Sober, I knew that she was struggling again..but honestly, I didn’t think about it too much.

People with mental illness tend to have higher rates of addiction and as a fellow bipolar warrior and a woman with a BA in Psychology, I knew it was bound…

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Sometimes what you think is, “you being whiny,” is actually you doing the necessary work to grieve for & accept what happened to you.

Finally, I’m Over You.

It no longer hurts when I think about you. You no longer take any space in my mind or in my heart. I thought those two months meant more than what it truly was. It was a passing infatuation. And that’s okay. You helped me with something so important. You helped me move on from my ex fiance. I thank you for that. Now I’m no longer haunted by the thoughts and memories of either of you. I miss no man anymore. I’m free from you. Free from him. I thought it would take longer to get over you because you impacted me in such a huge way but 3 months was long enough. I don’t need you nor do will I ever want you again. You really missed out on something beautiful. Because when I love, I love hard. I love with every fiber of my being. It’s okay. Someone deserving of that kind of love will come along and appreciate what you threw away.

So well, I’m manic as fuck yet again. I’m doing drugs like crazy. Basically made a porno with another girl for my onlyfans. I haven’t had “sex,sex” with anyone though. Still not interested. Nor am I interested in men still. But I’m being stupid. I need to tell my psychiatrist this. This is crazy how bad my manic episode’s are getting. I haven’t been this bad since I was 17. 10 years. I’m out of control these days. I need help so bad.

Thinking Clearly

So I’m more balanced. Thinking clearly. In no way do I want to be intimate or sexual with a man. I’m so uninterested. I haven’t even been flirting with a single guy. This is new. I’m usually always talking to atleast one person. I’m just happy I didn’t just go sleep with random guys or hop into another relationship like I normally do. I’m just completely over it right now. And although I miss my ex. I’m starting to get over him too. I don’t think about him all the time anymore. I don’t listen to his music every day anymore. I don’t text him. I see his posts on Instagram and yes those moments it gets to me. But I tell myself that he doesn’t love me. He’s not thinking about me. He doesn’t miss me. This doesn’t hurt him. He’s moved on. And it helps me. I’ll get over him. And hopefully I keep this disinterest in dating and men for a while. I want to stay single. Live for me. Make money for me. Living for other people has gotten old. I need to focus on me because I can make good things happen for myself if u just try harder.

Leveling out.

I think I’m starting to come down from my manic episode finally. I started taking more of my mood stabilizer than in prescribed. I’m at basically the lowest dose. I think it’s leveling me out. I’m still hypomanic but nothing is uncontrollable anymore. I’m no longer being reckless and incredibly impulsive. Well, not to the extent that I was at. It was scary how out of control I was. I was ready to commit myself. I’m still going out almost every night, having a drink. But I’m not hooking up with anyone, doing drugs or going to anyone’s house and staying the night. So there’s that. I just hope this doesn’t mean I’m about to hit a depressive episode. That’s what I’m afraid of. If I don’t work I’m fucked. So let’s just hope I level out instead of going from one extreme end of the spectrum to the next.

Borderline Personality and Splitting Yet Again

Goddamn. Splitting really fucking sucks. I Hella vibe with this guy the other night. Last night we went out to a bar and I was still Viking with him. Took some Molly and I was all over him. But when we got to his house I smoked weed and it intensified the Molly so intensely. In my “clarity moment” I split on him. He was the sexiest thing to me. 6'6, beard, deep voice. Sexy. But when I had my reality check all the affection I was enjoying made me feel absolutely smothered. I didn’t want to touch him, or kiss him. But he’s got aspergers so he didn’t pick up on my social cues. I completely shut down. I just couldn’t wait to get out of there. He kept being lovey dovey and it just made my skin crawl. It’s crazy. Going from one extreme to another. Splitting sucks because he’s a good guy. Not good for me though. I just am no longer interested.

Schizoaffective Borderline and My Clarity Moments

So now that I’ve had my “clarity moments” at this guys house. I’m completely uninterested in him. He’s just a product of my manic episode. And I stayed the night. We didn’t have sex. I just slept. Had to sleep after that horrible trip I had last night. I just need to get to work and get ready and just get on. Distract myself from my problems. Work is a good distraction. I need to focus on that. No fucking guys. Seriously. I just honestly wanted to fuck him. I wasn’t considering a relationship of any type. But still. No sex either. Just stay focused on work. If I’m horny I’ll masturbate. Oh well. No. Guys.

just neurodivergent things: being unsure if your disorders are flaring up or you’re just exaggerating your symptoms for attention.

just neurodivergent things: when you can’t describe your symptoms when you’re not experiencing them because you forget what they feel like and you feel like a faker, BUT you also can’t talk about them when you ARE symptomatic either because you’re way too depressed/anxious/etc.

found out that i have become a victim of identity theft and i don’t get it like bro i don’t even wanna be me

schizoaffective disorder has been a wild fucking ride. I’ve seen/dealt with so much bullshit because of it. But for years I’ve been hallucinating my childhood cat every time I’m very upset or not doing well. And it’s the most beautiful calming thing in the world. And that’s not the only beautiful thing I’ve ever had happen to me because of schizoaffective disorder and some days I just need to remind myself of that.

Due to some issues with my prior discord account, I had to delete the last bipolar discord, but it’s BACK now!! Feel free to join, and reblog this to spread to other people! The join link is here so definitely come and hang with us! I’m really excited to have this up and running again!

- Mod Kyle

Hey everyone, it’s mod Kyle (formerly mod Skyler)! I made a discord channel for those with bipolar disorder, and I was hoping you would join, or at the least reblog this, so that we can gain members and create a supportive community. So if you want to join, click here! The rules are as follows:

1. You must be 13 or older to join this server 

2. You must be 18 or older to view the #nsfw channel (you must have the adult role to view this channel) 

3. No bigotry allowed (no transphobia, homophobia, racism, ableism, etc.) 

4. Keep discourse in #discourse and nowhere else (you must have the discourse role to view this channel) 

5. If you have any ideas about how to best improve this server, drop them in #suggestions 

6. Please introduce yourself in introductions and make sure to include your age group (adult or minor), bipolar type (if you want to share), and pronouns! Also let me know if you want the discourse role, and if you have any triggers you need tagged!

- Mod Kyle (feel free to message me at @pandapunk or on discord at Kyle#4146 if you have any questions or concerns)

Rapid cycle bipolar

Reblog if you didnt think you’d be alive rn…

Everyone around me are growing up and getting their lives together but I can’t even get out of bed.

i wonder if anyone would treat me differently if they knew how suicidal i am

I just want to leave like I never existed.

I don’t want anyone to remember me,

I don’t want to hurt anyone.

I feel like I’m not supposed to be here.