When you “Assume”, you make an Ass of YOU

aceadmiral:

queerascat:

QAC 76.5 - 11 Years In The Making:  #TheBigChop || Non-binary | QPOC | Haircut |

two months after moving back to America from Japan, i’ve finally done what i’ve been dreaming about doing for years…! that is, cutting off my butt-length locs of 11 years– i.e., the #BigChop.

as a #nonbinary person i’d been conflicted about the length and style of my hair for years, but unable to do much of anything about it for various reasons, so finally being able to do away with them now is quite literally a dream come true.

even so, adjusting to life post-locs comes with new challenges, not only in terms to adjusting to the new hair itself, but also adjusting to others differing perception of me and my own unstable perception of myself. and what better way to deal with it all than to document the first week of it daily vlog style…?

…sure is an unscripted, experimental video if ever there was one.

*sweats*

So happy for Vesper! Everything seems to be coming together for them right now, and it is so wonderful to see <3

But on the subject of hair: while I am sad to lose an ultra-long hair buddy, I am so happy this worked out for them. Between the cut and the glasses they look a) amazing and b) somehow more like themself. I dunno, obviously the only look I have ever known on Vesper is locs, but just the way their energy has changed makes it clear this look is their Look.

Something I find interesting as relates to my own experience, though, is the fact that preliminary results suggest losing the hair has resulted in more gender confusion. This is exciting of course, but also interesting because as I try to articulate why I persist in keeping my hair long, one of the things I’ve hit on is that if I cut off all my hair, I would be a Lesbian, mystery solved.

Now, I’m not trying to say that there aren’t already people who identify my as a lesbian from how I dress, just that there’s more variety at this moment than I anticipate there would be if I chopped off all my hair. But, you know, then tension is real; my brother’s wedding isn’t until next March but already my biggest question is, what am I going to do with my dumb hair?

(It doesn’t help that I am terrible at hair care/styling (although I did do a deep cleanse on it recently and it doesn’t feel perpetually gross anymore, so that’s a positive). It’s so hard to figure out who to trust, especially when I cannot find anyone else with hair that looks like mine because only a crazy person would keep their hair as long as I do.)

Anyway, recently I’ve been having more fun with color than length (I wore blue to visit Grandma and wow was that a good time), but I so happy to see Vesper in love with their new look. Congratulations!

thanks for the kind words…! several people have said similar things about me looking “more like [my]self” post-Big Chop and… i have unprocessed Feels (neither negative nor positive Feels, mind you, but #Feels) about that and what that even means? both for me personally and in a more general sense? still processing that, but that’s beside the point.

on the topic of anticipating being perceived as a lesbian—#MysterySolved—should you cut off your hair, as opposed to the seemingly greater variation that exists in how people perceive you now with long hair… oh do i have feels that too, in addition to having feels about how my partner’s assumed gender becomes an additional #Checkmate to that #MysterySolved in most people’s eyes… i feel like i ought to expand upon and unpack my own feels about those things in a proper blog post or video at some point in the future, but long story short, i empathize so much with you there. 

and while i may have bowed out of the Ulta Long Hair Club, i still retain lifetime membership to the Pain In The Ass Hair + Trust Issues Club and wholly understand that struggle. glad to see you’ve found some respite in coloring your hair at least and appreciate you taking the time to bounce off of my experience / thoughts with hair with your own.

i am so Here for any & all discussion of the complex, intersectional nature of hair, self-expression, and identity. <3

This sharp-witted lawyer, activist and writer, Harriet McBryde Johnson, once described herself as a “disabled, liberal, atheistic Democrat,” but like any Push Girl, her incredible achievements defied categorization. As a very public face of the disability rights movement, she regularly blew minds and challenged assumptions - helping people to get their Social Security, standing up for Congress in the public battle over Terry Schiavo, and speaking up against the “pity based tactics” of certain charity organizations. This wheelchair using Push Girl may be gone, but her fire still burns bright! 

Tell your friend she’s got a little Harriet in her. Reblog now to give her a little push.

New video coming clean about my secret wife Lorraine 

excitedsivan:

this is very important

I made a new comic for Ace Awareness Week 2017!

This one addresses some of the assumptions people have made about me because I’m ace. Hopefully this will help spread some awareness of what asexuality is and is not. :)

Here are some other ace comics I’ve made:

• Cake Walk (my questioning/coming out story)
  
• You’re Doing it Wrong (special for Ace Awareness Week 2016)

If you have any questions about ace stuff, feel free to hit up my ask box!

I went on a Twitter rant about asexuality and the assumptions people make about it

(full transcript below the cut)

Transcript:

I had an incident happen a couple days ago that really got me thinking about how the world views asexuality/the ace spectrum

I was playing a card game called Quick & Dirty with my friends, and a few of them thought all my filthy answers were “ironic” since I’m ace

Which is weird, because I’ve always looked at it the other way - it’s kind of “ironic” that I’m ace since I have such a lewd sense of humor

But in reality, a dirty mind and asexuality aren’t mutually exclusive. So it’s not ironic at all. And that really made me think…

Even though more people are talking/learning about asexuality, it’s still not well understood. Especially all the nuances of the spectrum

Many people confuse asexuality with other things: aromanticism, celibacy, hatred of sex, a disorder, innocence… just to name a few

But in reality, “asexual” just means you fall on a spectrum of feeling little to no sexual attraction to others. That’s literally it.

So why is asexuality so often confused with other concepts? And why do people make so many assumptions (most of them false) about aces?

The ace spectrum includes a diverse range of experiences. So how can anyone assume they know what a person is like just because they’re ace?

I don’t blame my friends - or anyone - for making these assumptions about aces. I made plenty of my own while I was still questioning.

The real problem isn’t the assumptions themselves - it’s the root cause, which is an appalling lack of sex education in our society

I remind myself of this whenever those assumptions get to me. (I try not to let them, but I’m only human, & sometimes they frustrate me)

More importantly, I ask myself what I can do about this problem. And I think I have an idea that will help, at least a little

I made an educational comic about discovering the ace spectrum and coming out, and it’s reached a lot of people: http://gckinsey.tumblr.com/post/148694750931/this-is-a-little-comic-i-made-about-the-journey-i

And this incident with my friends has inspired me to make a comic about what asexuality is not. I want to tackle those assumptions head-on.

So really, even though I felt weird about it, I have to thank my friends for calling my dirty sense of humor + my asexuality “ironic”

I think I’ve been subconsciously looking for a way to address those assumptions about asexuality for a while, & this has given me the push

So I’ll be making a comic about this soon - probably for release during Ace Awareness Week in October. But in the meantime…

Asexuality is NOT:
-fake
-hatred of sex
-celibacy
-innocence
-a disorder
-an automatic rejection
-aromanticism
-one size fits all
#ace#psa