I’m choosing me.

I’m not choosing to gain weight. I’m choosing to be me.

because I am not …

* saying no to plans that might involve food.

* body checking after every meal to know how much self-loathing to carry with me that day.

*rigid. numb. foggy.

*stuck in my head. distant. never present. &never truly joining in.

because I am …

* sitting at a bar, alone, having margs just because //no special occasion needed to treat myself//.

* splitting an unplanned slice of cake with a best friend.

* spontaneous. clear-minded. emotional (for the good &for the bad).

* living life. experiencing the world around me. joining in &making memories with the ones I love oh so much.

instead of assuming, ask.

instead of assuming, ask. instead of judging, try to understand. &then maybe just maybe this world &the people in it won’t be as big&bad as they seem.

I recently was described as “unfriendly unless I was really trying to not be” //harsh//. but the real bitch in this story is actually not me. //hang with me on this//.

the girl saying these less than nice things about me not once tried to get to know me. not once did this girl ever ask me who I am. instead of taking the time to get to know me, she took that time &wasted it. she took that time to create a narrative of who she ~wanted~ me to be.

maybe this “unfriendly me” was shy. maybe “unfriendly me” was in thought, stuck inside my own head. or maybe “unfriendly me” was tired, hurting, in way too deep with an eating disorder. //cause I was//. but she wouldn’t know that. because she didn’t care. so now neither do I. she can have what she wanted, the story she created about me. she gets unfriendly me because well she’s a story writer. &I’m tired of those. I am tired of giving chances out to people who give me none.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZmWBrN7QV6Y&feature=share

[Content Warning: this post discusses anorexia and eating disorders]

Hello! My name is Rosie, and I have anorexia. I’ve always taken the opinion that talking about things like this is the best way to deal with them; that way, no one can use them to hurt you, and you can spread information and experiences to help others - that’s why I blog for Brook! It’s okay, anyway; I’m in recovery, and I’m doing as well as I have been for years. Anyway, I thought I’d write todays post as a little myth-buster on some misconceptions that surround the disorder, and hopefully engage in some discussion on the topic. I’m sure this is something I’ll be writing more about in the future.

1. Anorexia can affect anyone

Think for a moment about the typical image of what someone with anorexia looks like. They’re probably female, white and teenaged. Quite possibly, they’re conventionally attractive and affluent. However, anorexia can affect anyone. It is estimated to occur in 0.9% to 4.3% of women and 0.2% to 0.3% of men in Western countries at some point in their life, regardless of their ethnicity, and while data is harder to find in other areas of the world, reports of cases are becoming more frequent. It is more likely to first occur during adolescence, but this, too, is not universal.

2. Anorexia is not simply caused by just wanting to be thin

In all honesty, no one quite knows what causes anorexia. There are a number of different theories regarding contributing factors or sources of the disease, ranging from genetic predispositions to social pressures, from viral triggers to familial dysfunction. However, it’s not just wanting to be thin; conversely, it’s “an intense fear of gaining weight”. As with any phobia, those with the condition can go to extreme lengths to avoid this, including starvation, purging and excessive exercise, which all lead to further physical consequences.

3. Anorexia is not just a disease of modernity

While diagnoses of anorexia have increased exponentially since the 1950s as the disease received greater recognition within medical fields, and inclusion in later additions of the DSM (the manual used by health professionals to diagnose mental illnesses), case histories depicting the condition have been identified from the 1600s. Some theorists have suggested that religious fasting in the Middle Ages could also be considered a form of the disease, but this is something that is disputed.

4. The road to recovery is not a straight line

Anorexia is unpredictable. It can sneak up on you at any time, and while the demons that cause it can be locked up in a cage permanently, they cannot ever be killed completely, and one day they might just rear their ugly heads again. And this is okay. Recovering from anorexia is exceptionally difficult both physically and mentally. The extent of starvation can lead to long-term health difficulties (I’m lucky on this front to only have an arrhythmia to worry about). Sometimes the road can feel long, hopeless and unrewarding. It’s okay to sometimes stray from the path. It’s finding the way back on which is important, and how the battle becomes gradually easier and easier. It is possible to lead a normal life after recovery.

For more information regarding anorexia and other eating disorders, or to seek help and advice, have a look at:

https://www.b-eat.co.uk

By Rosie