#jealousy
theyanderegf-deactivated2020012:
I just want him to behappy.
it’s all I want.
so why does seeing them together make me want to die?
theyanderegf-deactivated2020012:
the thought of her loving you makes me want to puke.
the thought of you loving her makes me want to die.
the thought of you together makes me want to kill her
and then you
and then myself.
so please…
don’t make the wrong choice <3
the water that douses the flame
you posted her. a girl, i don’t even know. you posted her on your story so i made up one. i recorded your story and when you asked me about it, i proceeded to lie and say it was an accident. an accident. a mistake. just like it was a mistake to fall so hard for you. you know i’m in love with you and yet you still can’t even fathom it. you can’t fathom how deeply i love you, how if i were to lose you i would cry for days until there was nothing left. i would cry and cry. but i won’t. i will not lose you. because losing you would mean the end of the world, because you are my world. you consume my thoughts day after day, week after week, minute after minute! i walk to class, my mind filled with thoughts of you, not paying attention to where my feet are going, but to the thoughts of you in my head. i sit in a lecture and find myself thinking of you. i make conversation with my teacher and classmates but i don’t remember what happens. i answer the questions correctly but i can’t retain the information. i close my eyes and i see you.
when you post a girl on your story who is beautiful and you say she is your heart, a tiny fire of jealousy starts in my chest, it grows and grows the more air i breathe and the only way to put it out is by talking to you, the water that douses the flame.
Rating: E 18+ (scenes of a sexual nature ~ canon typical violence ~ rated E for latter chapters)
Pairings: Simon Lewis x Jace (insert chosen last name here) / minor Alec Lightwood x Magnus Bane / minor Simon Lewis x others / Jace x Clary mentioned
Summary:“You should ask him out.” Jace choked on his water, eyes going wide as he spluttered and coughed. “What?” he managed to croak out, turning to look at Izzy like she had gone crazy and for all he knew she might have, considering the utter gibberish she was speaking. Sighing she rolled her eyes, “Simon, you should ask him out on a date instead of pining over him like some love struck idiot.”
Jace scowled, turning away from her and stalking down the hall in an attempt to get away from her and the ridiculous conversation. “I’m not pining,” he mumbled under his breath. He wasn’t pining. He didn’t do pining, no he was the one people pined over, not the other way round. And anyway, he didn’t want to date Simon. He just wanted to have sex with him, vigorously and often as well as maintain their current friendship. That wasn’t dating, it was friends with benefits except Simon didn’t do stuff like that. He was Mr. Relationship and Jace, wasn’t.
Track 1 - Jace ‘I won’t say I’m in love’ Herondale
I Won’t Say (I’m In Love) by Susan Egan
Track 2 - Friends don’t look at friends that way
that Way by Tate McRae
Track 3 - This night ain’t for the faint of heart
Wicked Ones by Dorothy
S.L.U.T by Bea Miller
Track 5 - I found love where it wasn’t supposed to be
I Found by Amber Run
Track 6 - I’m sorry to interrupt It’s just I’m constantly on the cusp of tryin’ to kiss you
Do I Wanna Know by Arctic Monkeys
Bonus track
Sharp Dressed Man by ZZ Top
Nothing Breaks Like A Heart by Mark Ronson feat. Miles Cyrus
Track 8 - Say something, I’m giving up on you
Say Something by A Great Big World feat. Christina Aguilera
Track 9 - I used to be love drunk but now I’m hung over
Love Drunk by Boys Like Girls
“I’m not jealous of you. I'm…” A mumble.
“What?” Mai asked, straining to hear it.
Another mumble, slightly louder.
“I’m sorry,” Mai said. “Once more?”
“I’m jealous of Naru!” She snapped out, falling back on herself immediately, surprised with herself. Over time, Mai had seemed to have that effect on her quite a lot. It was infuriating. Masako was used to having a handle on her emotions. Used to the calm, detached look she kept. From their first job together Mai seemed effective in smashing through that. Annoyingly, Mai just blinked at her. Discomfort settled over her skin. “Well, are you just going to sit there or will you say something?” She asked with as much calm as she could muster.
“I…” Mai looked genuinely confused. Her head tilted to the side like a cocker spaniel. “Why would you be jealous of Naru?”
Masako… could not believe this. Just how stupid was Mai? No wonder Naru felt he had to keep an eye on her. Not only was Mai endearingly kind, she was also infuriatingly dense. This was one of the main reasons Masako hadn’t liked her to begin with. And then she had to go and… Be everything else. Everything she couldn’t always be. Kind. Emotive. Passionate. So, so passionate over everything. Like it just burst out of her because there was so much it had no other choice. “Because I’m in love with you.”
Mai froze and for the longest moment, Masako was terrified. It wasn’t the first time she felt fear. Actually, she has felt fear quite often. Both her own and others. But never like this. Mentally, she knew whatever happened ultimately didn’t affect her seriously. A rejection wouldn’t kill her or give her an irreparable injury. It felt like it could, though. It felt like everything in her life was riding on Mai’s next words and it was terrifying . Then Mai shook her head, eyes down. Masako’s heart plummeted.
“You're… in love? With me ?” Mai asked hesitantly. It felt like Masako was on a roller coaster. Or, she thought it felt like she was on a roller coaster. She’d never been on one before, but this felt like how she’d heard people describe it. Her heart flipped at the tone of Mai’s voice.
“Yes,” Masako said quietly. It felt like if she spoke any louder the moment would shatter and she’d be left behind in pieces. She didn’t think she’d be able to confess again, if this wasn’t real.
For a moment Mai gaped at her. Like a fish. And then her mouth closed and her eyes sparkled. “I love you, too, Masako.” The words were quiet, but full. Full in a way Masako didn’t really know words could be. Hope and joy and love and all the positive emotions Masako felt she could think of as well as a shyness that she’d rarely seen against Mai’s passion. But then… She smiled. And it was small, but determined, and Masako could see that addicting- and yes, infuriating - passion spark in her eyes. When Mai smiled, Masako smiled back. Smaller but no less brightly.
I teach her a lesson like -
If only you could see
Just what you do to me
Alastor: I’m not a jealoys type, you silly things!
Charlie: …You shot Husk…
Alastor: HE WAS TRYING TO SQUEEZE THEN DESTROY MY ANGEL’S PRETTY FRAGILE HANDS!!!
Angel: WE JUST HAD A HANDSHAKE, AL!!!
Husk: I’m not paid enough for this crap!
“and in the end, was it worth it?
wasshe worth it?
because i know you’ll never love anyone like you loved me.
but whether that’s a good thing-
or a bad thing-
remains to be seen.”
-was breaking my heart worth it? c.r.
Things to keep in mind for mindfulness…
He can walk away anytime
He is not only yours
He will not love only you
He will have many girls around him
You are not his first priority
You are not his only friend
You are not the only person he will get physical with
He will lie to you
He will beat around the bush
He will help others before you
He will not share everything with you
He will change his behavior as per his wish
He will choose a different path as per his wish
He will not take your advice
THE BLACK FOUNTAIN (POST ½)
The first half of a short story I wrote and illustrated for FLIGHT VOLUME 8, back in 2011. It is a story about the corrupting effects of creative jealousy, and is a story I wrote mostly as a reminder to myself. It is a reminder I need often. I might be a little self-conscious of the high-school-poetry quality to this, but I like it. I’m also proud of the colour quality and the little travelling panels at the top of each page.
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THE BLACK FOUNTAIN (POST 2/2)
The second half of a short story I wrote and illustrated for FLIGHT VOLUME 8, back in 2011.
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Apesar de todo o amor e fidelidade que lhe dedico, minha amada ainda sente ciúmes de mim e às vezes passa um pouco dos limites como aconteceu esta manhã, ao acordarmos. Pegou meu celular enquanto eu dormia para ver de quem era aquela mensagem que chegava tão cedo: sim, era de uma mulher. Acordou-me furiosa e não tive tempo de explicar-lhe que era uma colega de trabalho solicitando que levasse alguns documentos importantes. Vesti-me enquanto brigava comigo e saí o mais depressa possível: luz na cara, sem banho e procurando um lugar para tomar café.
Mas não consigo ficar bravo com ela por muito tempo: ao fim do dia já estava com saudades mesmo da cara de brava dela. Voltei. Estava sentada na janela com roupas leves; o cheiro de incenso e a cama desarrumada contavam tudo: “Recebeu outro homem aqui?“ perguntei. “Você vai ficar bravo comigo se eu disse que sim?“ respondeu sem me olhar. “Quis se vingar de mim, é?“ perguntei enquanro me aproximava. “Jamais. Sei que você não me traiu, que peguei pesado com você. Mas achei que você me perdoaria mais fácil se eu transasse com outro homem em nossa cama… me enganei?“ Sem falar nada, eu abracei por trás com ternura e beijei-lhe o pescoço: ela sabia que estava perdoada. Mergulhando os dedos nos meus cabelos, ela sussurou: “Gozei pensando em você…”
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Here’s the neighbour’s granddaughter. When she was growing up she would say hello and she had a bit of a crush on me. (I think!) When she got older she discovered other boys and eventually moved in with her present boyfriend. She’s obviously happy with him as she’s filled out a bit - it’s always a sign of contentment in couples. She’s also getting plenty of sex. Uncircumcised, too! I wish I could grab hold of that bum of hers and show her how she has been missing circumcised sex!
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Boyfriend and girlfriend.
The thought of their intimacy makes me jealous. She’s allowed him to see her naked. He’s gently laid on top of her and placed his erect, uncircumcised penis into her swollen labia. Pubic hairs touch… The warmth of her crotch against his… The thumping of her heart… Her breathing… The softness of her skin… The firmness of her nipples. The gentle heaving as he thrusts… The sound of her moaning… The sudden groan as he orgasms and releases his load… The hugging and cuddling… The kissing… The laughter…
How romantic! I’m so jealous I’m getting aroused!
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the way you look at her is the way I wish you looked at me….
An Elegant Solution by giraffeter
An Elegant Solution
E, 205k, wangxian, niewangxian
Summary:When Jiang Yanli joins Jiang Cheng in visiting Wei Wuxian at the Burial Grounds, the two brothers are on the verge of cutting ties forever — until Jiang Yanli has a better idea. Wei Wuxian doesn’t need to leave the sect. He needs to get married, and she has the perfect Sect Leader in mind.
When Lan Wangji is invited to come along on Wei Wuxian’s visit to the Unclean Realm to spend time with his new betrothed, Nie Mingjue, he agrees — even though his heart is breaking. How else is he ever going to see Wei Wuxian again?
When Nie Mingjue welcomes Wei Wuxian and Lan Wangji into his home, he realizes two things very quickly: 1.) They clearly want each other so badly they can barely stand it, and 2.) Nie Mingjue is Into That.
(In which arranged marriage to Nie Mingjue solves just about everyone’s problems)
My comments: Aahhh, this was a ship I never realized I needed in my life, but here we are. Author does it so well: in the context of the story, not only is it robust and believable, but it’s honest and loving and fun for all three of them. And if, in the process, the course of canon is changed such that everyone lives and the world is a brighter, happier place, than so be it. (Of course, there’s some angst and intrigue and machinations to get through first, but that’s requisite seasoning, imho.)
(Seriously. I’m very jealous and protective of my OTP wangxian, so it has to be a pretty special story if I’m willing and happy to share them with someone else. However, remember that your mileage may vary.)
canon divergence, OT3, niewangxian, raiarranged marriage, angst, pining, jealousy, but only briefly, POV multiple, courting, nie mingjue just says I’ll marry both of ‘em, flirting, golden core reveal, first kiss, first time, top nie mingjue, bottom wei wuxian, poor lan wangji has to wait a few months, fix it, domestic, friends to lovers, polyamory, fluff, xiyao, sect politics, jiggy being morally gray, sooo much threesome smut, light dom/sub, dom nie mingjue, dom lan wangji, sub wei wuxian, nie sect qi deviation issues, tenderness, joy, everybody lives, jin guangyao redemption, he’s a really interesting character, wen qing doing all the arcane and impossible medical procedures, happy ending, epic, podfic available, @giraffeter
(You may wish to REBLOG as a signal boost for this author if you like – or think others might like – this story.)
This weekend was complicated and difficult and fun. I learned a lot about myself, picked up a couple new tricks, and cried a lot, not all for fun reasons.
I discovered that yep, poly is hard, and apparently I have some hangups about sex that I wasn’t fully aware of. I feel better about things than I did, but I’m not over it by any means. I have jealousy to work on, and, according to one thing Reaction Junkie lobbed at me, I’m codependent. He didn’t mean it in a cute way, either. He’s probably right. I do tend to get attached and needy. I thought he was somewhat similar, and he may be, but not to the same extent. Or something. I don’t know. I’m going to talk to him about it, but since I’m vomiting feelings here anyway, I thought I’d write that down before I forgot.
I have a rule that I want to put in place, but Reaction Junkie most likely isn’t okay with it. We set up a modified version, but I’m not sure it’s enough. We’ve talked a lot about it, and the accute upset feelings are gone, but I’ve still got lots of feelings bubbling under the surface. They’re coming out as I write this, as in I’m starting to cry after finally goring for more than an hour or so without doing so and I am concerned about getting passive aggressive in what I’m writing, so I’m going to stop.
I had some fun scenes with Reaction Junkie, had some one on one time with Anderson Cooper, and got to actually meet nankingdecade and had an awesome scene with him, but it’s going on take a while to fully process all the emotional stuff so I don’t know when, or even, to be honest, if I’ll be able to write up much.
Im really tired of people getting engaged. Yes I am happy for them, that they found love, that they found a man that wants to marry them. Yes they look adorable in all of their engagement photos plastered all over facebook. Yes they look happy and their ring is beautiful and their smile is infectious. But I can’t lie…there is something within me that gets jealous. Hell I dont even know if I want to get married right now. Apparently people say whats the rush. While being in a relationship with a man from a different country makes things a bit more difficult, we have the rest of this year and some of next year figured out… and until then I am perfectly fine. But still…when I see those pictures of happy smiling couples showing the world that they have found each other, I cant silence my inner being. And I think thats the way with a lot of girls. Maybe it isnt the marriage itself but the fear that it will never happen to us. That we may never get that happy ending or whatever it may be. To avoid my inner being coming out and harassing my boyfriend once again about if he thinks about getting married to me and if it will eventually happen (everyone hates that girl),I am just going to try to avoid everything wedding related…which is practically impossible with facebook and pintrest, but hey, a gal can try.
