#neurodiverse poet

Hate me. 
Do you, do you
Hate me?
Or is that just the thoughts speaking nonsense again?

They’re pretty loud. 
Kinda difficult to think of anything else
When they give a bloodcurdling scream!

Ignore them?
Tell me,
If someone was wringing at your neck
Consuming your lungs
Driving out all the air from your body
Draining out all of the life from your soul…
Could you truly ignore that?

Why am I only worth something
If I become a shell of a human being?

Being crushed by the weight of the expectations myself and the world place on me
My body only being held up by the podium of my accomplishments…

What happens when there’s nothing left to hold me up?

You’re a wolf in sheep’s clothing.
Someone must’ve put the wool in your ears
Placed rose-colored glasses on your face
So you could claim innocence!
When your wool became stained with blood…

What a fashion statement!

They don’t hate you.
They don’t hate you.
They don’t hate you.

Probably.
I think.
Perhaps.
Maybe.

Probably have stuck around all these years
Out of obligation.
As if they signed a legally binding contract
When they entered the friendship
Breaking it is punishable by death!

She grounded my chaos
Saw the storm and said 
“I am not afraid!”

Told her that it might suck her in
She said “I won’t let it.”

Was worried she’d try to tame it
Instead, she grabbed my hand
She held it as we watched the storm go by 

“You are not alone in this.”

We were like gold
Until you were told
I needed basic respect
Then, you sold us down the river
Said our love was worth its weight in gold

So, you cashed it in for profit
But, there were no takers
And you’re still the victim, it seems!

How do I plan for the future when the world is in disarray?
Dystopia
Filled with phobia
Of death
And simply taking a step
Out of my home.

I hope to freeze to death in hell’s flames
Before COVID or air pollution chokes the life out of me!

Anxious.
Anxiety.
Quiet thee, brain!

Commotion! 
Devotion to the chaos
Endless thoughts
Can’t seem to
Hold onto one
Yet they make me
Nervous!

Do I deserve this? 
Disservice! 
It is that I exist this way
Instead of being a productive machine!

Demeaning words
Brain says more
Demeaning words

How do I sort through this shit
When my brain is constantly
Throwing
A 
Fit.
Jumping

Can’t just sit
Agitated, I’m
Ill-fated
Destined for the world to collapse
Around me.
…yippee.